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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
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00:00:05,172 --> 00:00:08,007
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,009 --> 00:00:11,710
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,712 --> 00:00:14,680
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:18,050
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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00:00:18,052 --> 00:00:21,387
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
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00:00:21,389 --> 00:00:22,888
♪ All the things that make us ♪
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00:00:22,890 --> 00:00:24,523
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:30,062
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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ANNOUNCER:
Hey! Are you a big fat bastard
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00:00:37,338 --> 00:00:39,071
who loves eating at
Outback Steakhouse,
12
00:00:39,073 --> 00:00:41,206
but thinks the portions
are too small?
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00:00:41,208 --> 00:00:42,975
Well, good news, fat-ass,
14
00:00:42,977 --> 00:00:46,412
'cause now there's
the Outback Steakhouse Extreme!
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00:00:46,414 --> 00:00:50,182
We don't have a Bloomin' Onion,
we have a Bloomin' Pumpkin!
16
00:00:50,184 --> 00:00:51,683
You know what else we got?
17
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:52,985
Elephant steaks!
18
00:00:52,987 --> 00:00:54,887
50-pound elephant steaks!
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00:00:54,889 --> 00:00:57,923
And why don't you wash it down
with 40 ounces of malt liquor
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00:00:57,925 --> 00:00:59,892
and ranch dressing,
you fat (bleep)!
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00:00:59,894 --> 00:01:02,094
Outback Steakhouse Extreme!
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00:01:02,096 --> 00:01:05,064
Punish! Your! Toilet!
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00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:06,865
Aw, man,
I bet that's where
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00:01:06,867 --> 00:01:09,068
Crocodile Dundee
eats every night.
25
00:01:09,070 --> 00:01:12,004
Everything in Australia
is so fancy.
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00:01:12,006 --> 00:01:13,772
Yeah, Australia's
a beautiful place.
27
00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:15,240
The best thing
about going there
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00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:16,942
is you get to fly
over the Pacific Ocean.
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00:01:16,944 --> 00:01:18,777
The greatest ocean
of all time.
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00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:20,779
(scoffs)
Tell me you're joking.
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00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:22,081
Everyone knows that,
pound for pound,
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00:01:22,083 --> 00:01:23,782
the Atlantic is
the best ocean.
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00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:25,517
"Pound for pound"?
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00:01:25,519 --> 00:01:27,186
What are you talking about?
You can't weigh the ocean.
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00:01:27,188 --> 00:01:28,420
Yeah, scientists can.
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00:01:28,422 --> 00:01:29,755
They're doing
it all the time.
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00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:30,889
Pick up a book.
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00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:32,624
You're an idiot.
I'm an idiot?
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00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:34,293
All anybody remembers
about your argument
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00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:36,028
is that you're
in a wheelchair!
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00:01:36,030 --> 00:01:38,197
(grunting)
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00:01:38,199 --> 00:01:40,799
Guys, guys,
let's stop escalatin'
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00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:42,734
and take the stairs
for a minute.
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00:01:42,736 --> 00:01:44,269
What?
What are you talking about?
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00:01:44,271 --> 00:01:46,438
I'm saying you both
are making good points.
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00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:49,108
But sometimes two rights
can make a wrong.
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00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:51,477
I just... I just like
the Pacific Ocean!
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00:01:51,479 --> 00:01:52,778
It's a good ocean.
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00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:54,413
And so is the Atlantic.
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00:01:54,415 --> 00:01:57,483
Isn't this a beautiful planet
you two friends live on?
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00:01:57,485 --> 00:01:59,751
(sighs) I guess
Cleveland's right.
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00:01:59,753 --> 00:02:01,720
I'm sorry I got
so hotheaded.
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00:02:01,722 --> 00:02:03,055
I'm sorry, too.
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00:02:03,057 --> 00:02:04,890
Here, let me turn
your foot back around.
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00:02:04,892 --> 00:02:06,758
Kind of got twisted up
in our scuffle there.
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00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:08,227
Wow, Cleveland.
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00:02:08,229 --> 00:02:10,095
You calmed them down
just by talking
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00:02:10,097 --> 00:02:11,597
with your mouth
and your pretty lips.
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00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:13,098
Oh, it's nothin'.
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00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:15,067
Just a little something
I learned volunteering
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00:02:15,069 --> 00:02:17,136
as a youth counselor
down at my church.
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00:02:17,138 --> 00:02:20,072
Pretty much just boils down
to four or five catchphrases.
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00:02:20,074 --> 00:02:21,773
Like what?
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00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:23,475
Well, there's the
"stop escalatin'" one.
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00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:25,110
There's
"What do you think it means?"
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00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:26,912
"Pray on it, stay on it."
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00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:28,747
One's just kind of like a noise:
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00:02:28,749 --> 00:02:30,149
Hmm... mmm?
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00:02:30,151 --> 00:02:31,917
That's amazing.
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00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:33,785
Hey, you're way too good
to be doing that for free.
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00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:35,454
Maybe you should
open up an office.
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00:02:35,456 --> 00:02:36,922
You know, finally
start chipping away
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00:02:36,924 --> 00:02:38,457
at some of that
horrendous debt you've got.
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00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:39,825
Yeah, Peter's right.
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00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:41,360
I mean, it's not like
you've found a job
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00:02:41,362 --> 00:02:42,928
since you moved
back here anyway.
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00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:45,330
You know, that's
a not-half-bad idea.
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00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:48,634
And if I charge
my first patient $117,000,
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00:02:48,636 --> 00:02:50,002
I'm right back in it.
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00:02:50,004 --> 00:02:52,504
Thanks for spotting
my potential, Peter!
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00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:54,806
Hey, no problem, buddy.
I'm pretty perceptive.
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00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:56,675
That's how I can
always tell which guys
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00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:59,444
in the Wrangler Jeans
commercials beat their wives.
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00:02:59,446 --> 00:03:01,547
All of 'em.
85
00:03:07,955 --> 00:03:09,721
Go around the block again;
she's still out front.
86
00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:11,323
We've gone around
six times.
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00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:13,058
Let's just talk to her.
Eh, you're right.
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00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:15,694
Rip it off quick
like a Band-Aid.
89
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:18,230
Hey, Meg, you know
Mr. Quagmire, right? Bye!
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00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:19,898
Hey, what's
going on here?
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00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:21,633
Oh, I'm selling
my old Beanie Babies
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00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:22,834
to make money
for the prom.
93
00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:24,336
That seems
optimistic.
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00:03:24,338 --> 00:03:25,871
But, look, if you want
to make real money,
95
00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:27,573
I could try to get you
a job at the airport.
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00:03:27,575 --> 00:03:29,408
They always need
new TSA screeners.
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00:03:29,410 --> 00:03:31,543
Really?
Wow, that'd be great!
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00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:32,878
Thanks, Mr. Quagmire.
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00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:34,646
And thanks for
taking the time.
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00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:37,282
Most people aren't
usually that nice to me.
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00:03:39,053 --> 00:03:41,119
Ugh, gross.
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00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:47,659
Mayor West, after working
with you for some time now,
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00:03:47,661 --> 00:03:50,896
I believe you are affecting
your weird behaviors.
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00:03:50,898 --> 00:03:53,398
You are doing
deliberately odd things
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00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,668
to mask dark,
maybe even criminal, activities.
106
00:03:56,670 --> 00:03:59,004
You are 100% aware
of what you're doing.
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00:03:59,006 --> 00:04:01,506
I think you're
a dangerous sociopath.
108
00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:05,043
Cleveland, let me
tell you something.
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00:04:05,045 --> 00:04:09,047
(quietly):
You're absolutely (bleep) right.
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Well, time to put on
my spaghetti hat!
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00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:18,790
I just never feel happy.
112
00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:20,859
I strive for these things,
and I get them,
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00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:23,862
but at the end of the day,
I still don't feel fulfilled.
114
00:04:23,864 --> 00:04:25,230
Hmm.
115
00:04:25,232 --> 00:04:28,333
This is a problem that
requires more tweed.
116
00:04:31,105 --> 00:04:34,373
Is it possible you're not
letting yourself be happy?
117
00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:36,642
Like you don't feel
like you're worth it?
118
00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:38,310
No, that's not it.
119
00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:39,845
Hmm.
120
00:04:41,649 --> 00:04:43,982
Maybe your accomplishments
don't feel real
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00:04:43,984 --> 00:04:46,485
because your brother
isn't here to see them.
122
00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:48,053
Maybe.
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00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:49,788
That doesn't feel
quite right, either.
124
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:51,890
Hmm.
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00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:54,626
You don't want to
outshine your father.
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00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:57,329
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
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00:04:57,331 --> 00:04:58,730
Whew.
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00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:01,166
I was damn near out of tweed.
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00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:13,912
Okay, now, see?
130
00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:15,647
She didn't say
"good morning" to me,
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00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:17,849
so I put an orange dot
on her boarding pass,
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00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:19,918
which means they're
going to search her anus.
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00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:21,353
I noticed you
also circled
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00:05:21,355 --> 00:05:22,788
a bunch of things
on her ticket.
135
00:05:22,790 --> 00:05:24,156
Why did you do that?
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00:05:24,158 --> 00:05:26,258
Because otherwise,
the line moves too quickly.
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00:05:26,260 --> 00:05:28,960
You see, the whole thing
we're going for here at the TSA
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00:05:28,962 --> 00:05:31,129
is a sort of bored fascism.
139
00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:33,198
Huh.
I think I can handle that.
140
00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,534
I did not tell
you to approach!
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00:05:35,536 --> 00:05:36,935
Great job!
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00:05:36,937 --> 00:05:38,637
The worst thing
a passenger can do
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00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:40,605
is approach your podium
before you tell them to.
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00:05:40,607 --> 00:05:42,674
As bad as those
19 hijackers were,
145
00:05:42,676 --> 00:05:45,644
the people we see here
every day are much worse.
146
00:05:45,646 --> 00:05:48,046
Boy, Larry,
there's a lot to remember.
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00:05:48,048 --> 00:05:49,781
I... I hope I don't
screw something up.
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00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:52,050
Trust me, you have
nothing to worry about.
149
00:05:52,052 --> 00:05:53,185
You're basically
un-fireable.
150
00:05:53,187 --> 00:05:54,386
What do you mean?
151
00:05:54,388 --> 00:05:56,021
Come on, Meg.
Look around.
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00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:58,090
You're the hottest
person who works here.
153
00:06:01,195 --> 00:06:02,561
Oh, wow.
154
00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:03,895
Now that you mention it,
155
00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:05,397
everybody does look
kind of dumpy.
156
00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:07,165
That's not entirely
their fault.
157
00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:09,868
They're all told to wear
a pair of their dads' pants.
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00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:11,570
Oh, speaking of
which, tomorrow,
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00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:14,106
bring in a pair of
your dad's pants.
160
00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:20,912
Peter, you promised me
you would do the dishes.
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00:06:20,914 --> 00:06:22,647
Well, I was doing
the dishes for a while,
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00:06:22,649 --> 00:06:23,915
but they were
inexperienced,
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00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,484
so I ended up having
to rub one out.
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00:06:25,486 --> 00:06:27,419
Where in the hell did
you get the idea that
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00:06:27,421 --> 00:06:29,388
that's what I meant by
"doing the dishes"?
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00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:31,823
From Dirty Amelia Bedelia.
167
00:06:31,825 --> 00:06:35,227
Almost done vacuuming the rug!
168
00:06:35,229 --> 00:06:37,262
Damn it, Peter,
you're making me crazy!
169
00:06:37,264 --> 00:06:38,530
Well, you know what?
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00:06:38,532 --> 00:06:40,065
Sounds like you need
some counseling.
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00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:42,601
Maybe you should go
talk to Cleveland.
Cleveland?
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00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:44,903
Why would I talk
to Cleveland?
He's a therapist now,
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00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:47,005
and he's really great at helping
people with their problems.
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00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:48,673
Oh, I see.
175
00:06:48,675 --> 00:06:50,575
You want me to tell
your best friend
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00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:52,878
my complaints about you
so he can back you up.
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00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:54,780
STEWIE: The new maid
is peeing on me!
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00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:57,048
And she didn't even say
anything clever about it!
179
00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:59,117
Look, you're the one who said
you were going crazy.
180
00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:00,352
Just talk to him.
181
00:07:00,354 --> 00:07:01,853
He's all about
helping people get well.
182
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:03,622
Just like Doc Martens.
183
00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:05,223
So, how are you feeling today?
184
00:07:05,225 --> 00:07:07,626
Terrible. I've got
blurry vision,
185
00:07:07,628 --> 00:07:09,194
I feel cold and clammy,
186
00:07:09,196 --> 00:07:11,730
and the nurse told me
there's blood in my stool.
187
00:07:11,732 --> 00:07:13,632
Have you tried
wearing a lesbian shoe?
188
00:07:13,634 --> 00:07:15,100
What?
189
00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:18,170
Put this man down for
a pair of lesbian shoes.
190
00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:21,540
Huh. High fever, weight loss
191
00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:23,942
and extreme
respiratory difficulty.
192
00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:25,277
Let's have this man intubated
193
00:07:25,279 --> 00:07:27,779
and fit with a pair
of lesbian shoes.
194
00:07:31,218 --> 00:07:32,784
Hi.
195
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,419
Are you the next
crazy person?
196
00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:35,887
Um, I guess so.
197
00:07:35,889 --> 00:07:38,089
I've been pretty depressed
since my wife died.
198
00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:41,460
I'm sorry, I'm trying to read
the Costco Connection here.
199
00:07:41,462 --> 00:07:42,661
There they are!
200
00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:44,162
All right,
since you're a patient,
201
00:07:44,164 --> 00:07:45,997
we're gonna talk about you
like you're not here.
202
00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:47,499
You get all of her
squawking out, Doc?
203
00:07:47,501 --> 00:07:49,901
Oh, I think we got to
the root of the problem.
204
00:07:49,903 --> 00:07:52,137
Didn't we, Lois?
Absolutely.
205
00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:53,905
All right,
let's dope her up good.
206
00:07:53,907 --> 00:07:55,173
Turn that mouth off.
207
00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:57,108
No, Peter, the problem is you.
208
00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:59,311
What? What the hell
are you doing?
209
00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:00,946
You're supposed to be my friend.
210
00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:04,516
Dr. Brown,
I just killed nine people!
211
00:08:04,518 --> 00:08:08,286
Uh, I mean,
I have ducks on my feet.
212
00:08:08,288 --> 00:08:10,922
Old crazy harmless mayor.
213
00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:12,524
Quack quack!
214
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:20,966
How can Cleveland say
I'm the problem?
215
00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:23,835
All I do is sit in the
bathroom and play on my phone.
216
00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:25,136
PETER:
Swipe... wipe...
217
00:08:25,138 --> 00:08:26,137
swipe... wipe...
218
00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:28,773
wipe... swipe...
Uh-oh.
219
00:08:28,775 --> 00:08:30,041
That's a perfect example.
220
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:32,377
You put no effort
into this marriage.
221
00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:35,013
Cleveland helped me see
that our entire relationship
222
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:37,115
has been you doing
whatever you want
223
00:08:37,117 --> 00:08:38,850
and me cleaning up
the mess.
224
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,151
By the way,
your Svengali
225
00:08:40,153 --> 00:08:42,521
is out there spraying
birds with a hose.
226
00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:44,022
Ha-ha!
227
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,624
Now you're wet!
228
00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:47,125
Peter, I've had enough.
229
00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:49,294
Cleveland and I think
we need to make some changes.
230
00:08:49,296 --> 00:08:50,295
Oh, come on.
231
00:08:50,297 --> 00:08:51,897
Are you serious?
Yeah.
232
00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:53,498
You're gonna start helping
around the house,
233
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:55,300
and we're gonna start
doing things together.
234
00:08:55,302 --> 00:08:56,668
We do stuff together.
235
00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:58,169
Just last night,
236
00:08:58,171 --> 00:09:00,038
I made you keep track
of all the words I know.
237
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,239
"Shoehorn."
238
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:02,874
"Engine."
239
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:05,343
"Football."
240
00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:06,545
Did I say "shoehorn"?
241
00:09:06,547 --> 00:09:08,146
Yes.
Okay.
242
00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:09,347
"Shoehorns."
243
00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:11,082
(sighs)
Peter, please.
244
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:12,918
I've got an early doctor's
appointment tomorrow.
245
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:14,219
Ooh! "Early."
246
00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:15,654
"Doctor."
Put those on there, too.
247
00:09:15,656 --> 00:09:17,389
Uh, should I also put
down "appointment"?
248
00:09:17,391 --> 00:09:18,924
No, I don't know
what that means.
249
00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:20,392
Oh, "means."
250
00:09:28,335 --> 00:09:29,701
Wow, look at the new girl!
251
00:09:29,703 --> 00:09:31,069
She's so hot!
252
00:09:31,071 --> 00:09:32,437
Yeah, her breasts
and her stomach
253
00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:33,872
are different parts
of her body!
254
00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:35,273
I think she
looks weird.
255
00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:37,242
How come she's not
shaped like a potato?
256
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:40,111
That's part of the
interview and everything.
257
00:09:40,113 --> 00:09:43,214
Whoa, sorry, ma'am, we can't
let you through security
258
00:09:43,216 --> 00:09:45,383
because you're "da bomb."
259
00:09:45,385 --> 00:09:47,686
Scott, you're not supposed
to make jokes like that!
260
00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:51,790
Well, I am carrying more than
three ounces of liquid.
261
00:09:53,961 --> 00:09:56,428
Oh, that's so
Muhammad Hot-a.
262
00:09:56,430 --> 00:09:58,930
You're playing a
dangerous game, Scott!
263
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:06,204
All right, Peter, Cleveland says
you should help with the chores.
264
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:08,106
So today, we're gonna
do laundry together.
265
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:09,641
Okay.
How does this work?
266
00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:11,776
Well, you put the wet clothes
in the dryer,
267
00:10:11,778 --> 00:10:14,713
you close the door
and you wait.
268
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:19,217
Oh, it just went to 39 minutes!
269
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:22,053
So you... you
just stand here
270
00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:23,488
and watch the
whole time?
271
00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:24,789
Shh-shh-shh.
272
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:26,491
Ah, the green shirt
went by again.
273
00:10:26,493 --> 00:10:28,727
If it goes around 30 times
in five minutes,
274
00:10:28,729 --> 00:10:31,129
you get to have a Diet Coke!
275
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,733
All right, according
to Cleveland,
276
00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:37,736
it's also healthy for couples
to have shared activities.
277
00:10:37,738 --> 00:10:39,738
So since you
like golf,
278
00:10:39,740 --> 00:10:42,340
I thought we could
play a round.
279
00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:44,609
So-so what do I do,
just aim for the pond?
280
00:10:44,611 --> 00:10:46,511
No, you're not supposed
to hit it into the water.
281
00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:48,113
But you hit it
into the water.
282
00:10:48,115 --> 00:10:49,948
I know I hit it
into the water.
283
00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:51,316
Why do they even have water
284
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:52,617
if you're not supposed
to hit it there?
285
00:10:52,619 --> 00:10:54,686
Because it's fun!
We're having fun!
286
00:10:54,688 --> 00:10:57,022
(yells)
287
00:10:57,024 --> 00:10:59,758
Look, it went further
than your ball!
288
00:11:05,198 --> 00:11:07,332
Hey, are you doing
anything on Friday?
289
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,334
No, I don't think so.
Why?
290
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:11,703
Well, I'm doing security
at the roller rink
291
00:11:11,705 --> 00:11:14,305
if you want to come watch me.
Sure!
292
00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:16,341
Great, I'll pick
you up at 4:30.
293
00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:17,709
Sounds good.
294
00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:19,177
All right, well,
I'm up at the podium.
295
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,945
Time to make marks
on pieces of paper
296
00:11:20,947 --> 00:11:23,515
no one will
ever see again.
297
00:11:23,517 --> 00:11:25,884
I thought we had
plans on Friday.
298
00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:29,254
Marla, I think we should
just be ugly friends.
299
00:11:35,962 --> 00:11:38,329
Damn it, Cleveland has
completely ruined my life.
300
00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:40,231
He's got Lois making me
help around the house
301
00:11:40,233 --> 00:11:41,833
and spend more
time with her.
302
00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:43,068
My own wife!
303
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:44,502
I know what
you mean, Peter.
304
00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:46,204
He said I've got to be
more open and receptive
305
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:48,239
to what Bonnie wants
to do in the bedroom.
306
00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:51,209
Thank God I can't feel
anything back there.
307
00:11:51,211 --> 00:11:52,977
You know what?
Screw Cleveland.
308
00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:54,345
He's gonna tell
my wife stuff,
309
00:11:54,347 --> 00:11:56,181
I'm gonna tell his
wife a few things.
310
00:11:56,183 --> 00:11:57,649
What are you
talking about?
311
00:11:57,651 --> 00:11:59,250
Well, remember how Cleveland
banged that stripper
312
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:00,652
at his bachelor party?
313
00:12:00,654 --> 00:12:02,087
Oh, yeah!
314
00:12:02,089 --> 00:12:04,322
And we were all
throwing bread at them?
Yeah.
315
00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:06,057
Maybe I could tell
Donna about that.
316
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:09,594
Or... remember when Cleveland
wore briefs under his boxers
317
00:12:09,596 --> 00:12:12,530
and we found out and he told us
not to say anything?
318
00:12:12,532 --> 00:12:14,232
Maybe we tell her that.
319
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:15,700
Uh, I think Peter's is better.
320
00:12:15,702 --> 00:12:17,502
Okay, but we'll
keep mine ready.
321
00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:19,738
Could be the nail
in the coffin.
322
00:12:19,740 --> 00:12:21,172
Hey, fellas.
323
00:12:21,174 --> 00:12:22,507
Cleveland, it ain't cool
324
00:12:22,509 --> 00:12:24,042
what you've been telling Lois.
All right?
325
00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:25,543
You're completely
messing things up for me.
326
00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:27,011
And you got to tell her
you were wrong
327
00:12:27,013 --> 00:12:28,546
and put things back
the way they were.
328
00:12:28,548 --> 00:12:30,215
I'm sorry it's
hard for you, Peter,
329
00:12:30,217 --> 00:12:32,517
but personal growth
isn't always easy.
330
00:12:32,519 --> 00:12:34,619
Look, if you don't
change what you're saying,
331
00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:36,888
we're gonna tell Donna
you slept with that stripper
332
00:12:36,890 --> 00:12:38,356
at your bachelor party.
333
00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:41,993
(screaming)
334
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:48,600
What are you doing?
335
00:12:48,602 --> 00:12:49,801
I'm gonna play
"Locomotive Breath"
336
00:12:49,803 --> 00:12:51,469
by Jethro Tull
while he runs.
337
00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:53,538
Why the hell would you do
something stupid like that?
338
00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:54,939
Careful, Peter,
339
00:12:54,941 --> 00:12:57,342
or you're gonna lose
two friends today.
340
00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:05,617
ANNOUNCER: We now return
to Major League Baseball
341
00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:09,487
with one distractingly ugly guy
behind home plate.
342
00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:11,723
ANNOUNCER 2: It's two to two
in the bottom of the sixth,
343
00:13:11,725 --> 00:13:15,260
and I just can't get my eyes
off that man with the tall head.
344
00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:17,662
ANNOUNCER 3: It's quite a game,
but, man, that guy is ugly.
345
00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:19,397
ANNOUNCER 2: I'll say, Gary.
What's the count?
346
00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:21,166
ANNOUNCER 3:
No idea, Bill.
347
00:13:21,168 --> 00:13:23,234
But you know that guy
hasn't blinked this entire game?
348
00:13:23,236 --> 00:13:26,437
Just a dead-eyed idiot
out on a Thursday afternoon.
349
00:13:26,439 --> 00:13:28,239
ANNOUNCER 2: Yup.
And the longer I watch him,
350
00:13:28,241 --> 00:13:30,341
the more I wonder
if he's there by himself.
351
00:13:30,343 --> 00:13:31,910
ANNOUNCER 3: I think
you're onto something there.
352
00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:33,912
That seat next to him's
been empty for hours.
353
00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:35,580
ANNOUNCER 2:
Right you are, Gary.
354
00:13:35,582 --> 00:13:39,350
I'm gonna see if
I can hit him with my apple.
355
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:41,419
ANNOUNCER 3:
Ah. Kind of short-armed it.
356
00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:43,454
Oh, I'll get to
the bottom of this.
357
00:13:43,456 --> 00:13:44,889
Take care, Donna.
358
00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:49,160
Cleveland didn't show up to
my therapy session earlier,
359
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,796
and Donna says she hasn't
seen him for two days.
360
00:13:51,798 --> 00:13:54,299
Interesting.
Interesting.
361
00:13:54,301 --> 00:13:57,001
She also weirdly told me
that she squatted 250 today.
362
00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:58,703
I'm not even sure
if that's good.
363
00:13:58,705 --> 00:14:00,305
It's scary good.
364
00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:03,474
Well, I am off to try and
get out of this conversation.
365
00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:05,043
Peter, what did you do?
366
00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:07,879
He was slightly inconveniencing
me and Joe,
367
00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:10,014
so we threatened
to destroy his family.
368
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:12,217
What?!
I know, right?
It's pretty galling.
369
00:14:12,219 --> 00:14:14,319
No, I'm not taking
your side, Peter.
370
00:14:14,321 --> 00:14:15,820
Whatever the
hell you did,
371
00:14:15,822 --> 00:14:17,655
you go find him
and bring him back.
372
00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:19,123
All right,
I'll go find him.
373
00:14:19,125 --> 00:14:20,225
God, I'm sorry.
374
00:14:20,227 --> 00:14:21,492
You're making me feel lower
375
00:14:21,494 --> 00:14:23,862
than a squid at
the bottom of the ocean.
376
00:14:25,966 --> 00:14:28,900
Wow, it really inks in here.
377
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:38,576
(beeps)
378
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:41,379
(beeping)
379
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:42,747
What is that?
380
00:14:42,749 --> 00:14:44,215
There you are.
381
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:45,750
Listen up, Meg.
382
00:14:45,752 --> 00:14:48,219
This TSA isn't sweaty
enough for the two of us.
383
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:50,221
What?
What does that even mean?
384
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,390
It means, stay away
from Larry.
385
00:14:52,392 --> 00:14:54,759
I'm his girlfriend.
You are?
386
00:14:54,761 --> 00:14:56,427
Oh, my God, I thought
you were a boy.
387
00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:58,162
Oh, that's it!
388
00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:05,403
I will cut you, bitch!
389
00:15:05,739 --> 00:15:06,938
Ow!
390
00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:08,640
That hurt a little bit!
391
00:15:10,710 --> 00:15:11,676
(groans)
392
00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:12,977
(screams)
393
00:15:15,181 --> 00:15:17,949
(grunting)
394
00:15:27,961 --> 00:15:29,427
(screams)
395
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,629
(gasping)
396
00:15:31,631 --> 00:15:33,398
This ain't over.
397
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,099
Larry is mine.
398
00:15:35,969 --> 00:15:38,469
What the hell?
That was crazy!
399
00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:41,572
Like-like, crazier than
putting cops on Segways.
400
00:15:41,574 --> 00:15:42,874
Help, Officer!
401
00:15:42,876 --> 00:15:44,575
There's a lady being
raped in that alley!
402
00:15:44,577 --> 00:15:48,112
Okay, hold on, let me do
a small dippy-bob turn.
403
00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:51,716
I couldn't be sure, but I-I
think the man has a knife!
404
00:15:51,718 --> 00:15:53,751
Are there any steps
leading to that alley
405
00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:56,788
or is it just a series
of gentle ramps?
406
00:15:59,659 --> 00:16:01,626
Okay, guys, Lois wants me
to find Cleveland.
407
00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:04,429
And since he eats, like,
nine candy bars a day,
408
00:16:04,431 --> 00:16:06,064
if we wait here
at the convenience store,
409
00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:07,565
he's bound to show up.
410
00:16:07,567 --> 00:16:09,334
Hey, can you
buy us some beer?
411
00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:11,569
I don't know, I don't
think it'd be right.
412
00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:13,271
Ugh, I knew you weren't cool.
413
00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:15,273
Well, now, now,
hold on a minute.
414
00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:16,975
See? This is
pretty cool, huh?
415
00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:18,476
Yeah, I guess.
416
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:20,645
But what we could
really use is some weed.
417
00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:22,080
I think that might
be over the line.
418
00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:24,449
See?
I told you this guy wasn't cool.
419
00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:26,150
Well, now, now,
hold on a minute.
420
00:16:26,152 --> 00:16:29,087
Mr. Griffin,
did you or did you not
421
00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:31,589
distribute alcohol
and marijuana to minors?
422
00:16:31,591 --> 00:16:33,191
No, Your Honor,
I did not.
423
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:35,126
Told you this defendant
wasn't cool.
424
00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:37,829
Well, now, now, now,
hold on a minute.
425
00:16:40,867 --> 00:16:42,467
Still no sign of Cleveland?
426
00:16:42,469 --> 00:16:44,168
Yeah. I was thinking
maybe our best bet
427
00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:47,005
is to just drive around town
and see if we can spot him.
428
00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:52,176
Okay, well, he's not at
the mini golf course.
429
00:16:54,381 --> 00:16:57,248
Okay, he's still not at
the mini golf course.
430
00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:01,552
Oh, wow. Look at
that windmill.
431
00:17:01,554 --> 00:17:03,988
Peter, do you want
to go mini golfing?
Yes.
432
00:17:03,990 --> 00:17:06,190
(tires screeching)
433
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:08,493
Well, he wasn't
by the sno-cones.
434
00:17:08,495 --> 00:17:10,695
I love today!
435
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:15,900
Hi, Meg.
436
00:17:15,902 --> 00:17:17,535
Larry, what are
you doing here?
437
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:19,137
I-I thought we were gonna
meet at the Tumi store
438
00:17:19,139 --> 00:17:20,838
and see who buys
luggage at the airport.
439
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:22,740
Meg, I've got some
disturbing news.
440
00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:24,809
Some gray security tubs
have gone missing.
441
00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:26,711
Oh, my God! The ones
we have a zillion of
442
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,479
but are somehow never there
when people need them?
443
00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:29,814
That's right.
444
00:17:29,816 --> 00:17:31,315
And I'm going to have
to check your locker.
445
00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:36,254
I don't need to tell you
how serious this is.
446
00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:38,589
Wait, Larry!
I was framed!
447
00:17:38,591 --> 00:17:39,824
I bet it was Marla!
448
00:17:39,826 --> 00:17:41,726
I'm sorry, Meg,
you're fired.
449
00:17:41,728 --> 00:17:44,362
I'm going to need
your small, ridiculous tie.
450
00:17:44,364 --> 00:17:45,730
You're firing me?
451
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:47,532
I have a duty
to this country.
452
00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:49,233
And with people
like you stealing tubs,
453
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:51,702
how are we ever going
to catch Abu Nazir?
454
00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:53,371
That's not even
a real person.
455
00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:54,772
That's the terrorist
from Homeland.
456
00:17:54,774 --> 00:17:55,873
And they caught him.
457
00:17:55,875 --> 00:17:57,442
Good-bye, Meg.
458
00:17:59,279 --> 00:18:01,012
Good-bye, Larry.
459
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,349
Meg?
460
00:18:05,351 --> 00:18:08,686
I'll miss the way you reminded
people about their belts.
461
00:18:16,229 --> 00:18:17,728
We've looked everywhere.
462
00:18:17,730 --> 00:18:19,230
Where the hell could he be?
463
00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:21,599
Guys, I think we need to
embrace the possibility
464
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,067
that Cleveland
never existed.
465
00:18:23,069 --> 00:18:24,969
Damn it, if only there was
some kind of clue
466
00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:26,337
as to where he might be.
467
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,443
That's right,
Cleveland had a deli!
468
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,011
We should
check there!
469
00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:47,892
Cleveland!
Cleveland!
470
00:18:47,894 --> 00:18:49,627
PETER:
Sweet! Egg salad!
471
00:18:49,629 --> 00:18:53,064
Peter, this place has been
closed for six years.
472
00:18:53,066 --> 00:18:55,733
So what?
Egg salad don't go bad.
473
00:18:55,735 --> 00:18:57,435
(groaning)
474
00:18:57,437 --> 00:18:59,637
Son of a whore!
Give me some milk!
475
00:19:02,475 --> 00:19:04,275
Okay, that helped.
476
00:19:04,277 --> 00:19:05,943
Geez, this place is a dump.
477
00:19:05,945 --> 00:19:07,979
CLEVELAND:
Yeah, it is, isn't it?
478
00:19:09,182 --> 00:19:11,816
It's a symbol
of all my failures.
479
00:19:11,818 --> 00:19:14,118
Cleveland!
You're okay!
(groans)
480
00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:15,820
I'm so glad
we found you!
481
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:18,122
Hey, listen, I'm sorry
we threatened to blab
482
00:19:18,124 --> 00:19:19,757
about your bachelor
party stripper stuff.
483
00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:21,459
I'd never do that.
484
00:19:21,461 --> 00:19:23,361
'Cause that'd mean I'd
have to talk to Donna,
485
00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:25,096
and that's... that's
just, like, ugh.
486
00:19:25,098 --> 00:19:28,266
And I'm sorry I caused
such problems in your marriage.
487
00:19:28,268 --> 00:19:31,435
Truth is, I was faking it
as a therapist.
488
00:19:31,437 --> 00:19:32,470
(sighs)
489
00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:33,938
I've been back almost a year
490
00:19:33,940 --> 00:19:35,840
and I still got
nothing going on.
491
00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:37,308
Hey, cheer up,
Cleveland.
492
00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:38,676
I mean, Joe doesn't
have a job, either.
493
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:39,944
What are you
talking about?
494
00:19:39,946 --> 00:19:42,113
I'm a cop.
Oh. W-Wait, that's real?
495
00:19:42,115 --> 00:19:44,148
I thought that was, like,
a Make-A-Wish thing.
496
00:19:44,150 --> 00:19:46,284
All right, come on, buddy.
Let's get out of here.
497
00:19:46,286 --> 00:19:48,886
And, you know, even though
therapy might not be your thing,
498
00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:52,490
you've got a job-- as
my fourth best friend.
499
00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:55,193
After the dog?
After the dog.
500
00:19:59,365 --> 00:20:01,632
Peter, thanks for going
to find Cleveland
501
00:20:01,634 --> 00:20:03,000
and bringing him
home safely.
502
00:20:03,002 --> 00:20:04,802
Hey, that's what
friends are for.
503
00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:06,671
What about you, Meg?
What'd you do this week?
504
00:20:06,673 --> 00:20:08,139
What, so you can
make fun of me?
505
00:20:08,141 --> 00:20:09,874
No, Meg.
I'm your father,
506
00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:11,809
and I'm interested in what
my daughter did this week.
507
00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:13,878
You promise you're not
gonna make fun of me?
508
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,846
Of course, Meg.
I care about my family.
509
00:20:15,848 --> 00:20:18,149
But I-I feel like
you're drawing this out,
510
00:20:18,151 --> 00:20:20,985
so when you do make fun of me,
it'll hurt more.
511
00:20:20,987 --> 00:20:22,887
What? Well,
that hurts, Meg.
512
00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:24,722
You know, you can
be very hurtful.
513
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:25,990
I'm asking you,
please--
514
00:20:25,992 --> 00:20:27,391
and-and you don't
have to tell me,
515
00:20:27,393 --> 00:20:28,859
I want to know because
I'm interested--
516
00:20:28,861 --> 00:20:30,328
what you did this week.
517
00:20:30,330 --> 00:20:32,663
It enhances my life to
know how yours is going.
518
00:20:32,665 --> 00:20:33,931
You promise?
519
00:20:33,933 --> 00:20:35,900
Okay, well, now you
owe me an apology.
520
00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:37,068
I'm sorry.
521
00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:38,569
I'm not used to you
wanting to know.
522
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:40,905
Of course, I'd love
to tell you what happened.
523
00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:42,773
Then by all means.
I-It's just upsetting
524
00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:44,542
when you thumb your
nose at the family.
525
00:20:44,544 --> 00:20:45,843
But I love you, and
I'm looking forward
526
00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:48,045
to hearing what
you have to say.
527
00:20:48,047 --> 00:20:49,080
Please.
528
00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:50,781
I'd like to hear.
529
00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:53,184
Oh. Okay. Well, this is
actually kind of funny.
530
00:20:53,186 --> 00:20:54,919
I joined the TSA...
End of the show!
531
00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:56,787
♪ Nah nah nah nah Family Guy,
nah nah start the credits ♪
532
00:20:56,789 --> 00:20:59,090
♪ Lots of little names,
nyah nyah nyah nyah guy! ♪
533
00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:01,459
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