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1
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♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,756 --> 00:00:08,033
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,067 --> 00:00:11,604
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,643 --> 00:00:14,619
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,665 --> 00:00:18,136
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,178 --> 00:00:21,448
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,482 --> 00:00:23,016
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:23,050 --> 00:00:24,823
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:26,441
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:26,442 --> 00:00:30,442
♪ Family Guy 13x09 ♪ This Little Piggy
Original Air Date on January 25, 2015
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00:00:30,443 --> 00:00:36,943
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man web dl sync snarry
12
00:00:37,014 --> 00:00:38,985
Oh, this is a big moment for Stewie.
13
00:00:39,319 --> 00:00:40,784
Big moment?
Come on, Lois,
14
00:00:40,825 --> 00:00:42,825
he's moving from the green room
to the purple room.
15
00:00:42,830 --> 00:00:44,568
And just last month,
we had to come here
16
00:00:44,602 --> 00:00:46,740
when he went into the green room
from the yellow room.
17
00:00:46,774 --> 00:00:48,207
Oh, don't remind me.
18
00:00:48,241 --> 00:00:50,284
I'm gonna start crying all over again.
19
00:00:50,318 --> 00:00:52,225
I told work he was getting dialysis,
20
00:00:52,259 --> 00:00:54,229
so I got the whole day off.
21
00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:56,966
Stewie Griffin,
welcome to the purple room.
22
00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:59,134
(applause)
23
00:01:00,169 --> 00:01:02,273
Wow, look at that!
This must be how
24
00:01:02,307 --> 00:01:05,011
the Tin Man felt
when he finally got his heart.
25
00:01:05,045 --> 00:01:08,817
And as for you, Tin Man,
a 19-year-old kid in Cincinnati
26
00:01:08,851 --> 00:01:11,352
was struck by
a drunk driver last night.
27
00:01:11,386 --> 00:01:13,784
And so... you've
got your heart.
28
00:01:13,818 --> 00:01:15,784
You know, it's kind of hitting me now
29
00:01:15,826 --> 00:01:18,362
that maybe I was thinking
more metaphorically.
30
00:01:18,396 --> 00:01:20,730
Oh, no... you said
you wanted a heart
31
00:01:20,764 --> 00:01:22,267
over and over again.
32
00:01:22,301 --> 00:01:24,468
You sang that whole song about it.
33
00:01:24,502 --> 00:01:27,502
We bumped you right up
to the top of the donor list.
34
00:01:27,543 --> 00:01:30,006
Which means there's
a father of three in Nebraska
35
00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:32,176
who now has a very little chance
36
00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:35,184
of receiving one
within the next 24 hours.
37
00:01:36,219 --> 00:01:38,985
So feel good about that.
38
00:01:39,019 --> 00:01:41,956
Now, who wanted the brain?
39
00:01:47,569 --> 00:01:50,340
"And when Alexander saw
the breadth of his domain,
40
00:01:50,374 --> 00:01:52,880
he wept, for there were
no more worlds to conquer."
41
00:01:52,914 --> 00:01:54,891
All right, take it
down a notch, Stewie.
42
00:01:54,925 --> 00:01:57,432
You just happen to be the
offspring of a generation
43
00:01:57,466 --> 00:01:59,203
that celebrates their kids for nothing.
44
00:01:59,237 --> 00:02:00,773
Everybody's always getting an award.
45
00:02:00,807 --> 00:02:02,408
Well, you've never gotten an award.
46
00:02:02,442 --> 00:02:04,914
Uh, what's that bowl
that says "good boy"?
47
00:02:04,948 --> 00:02:08,118
You know, that was our old dog's dish.
48
00:02:08,152 --> 00:02:09,393
Hey, how are you?
49
00:02:09,427 --> 00:02:11,901
I-I was just putting this cake
in my purse for a friend.
50
00:02:11,935 --> 00:02:14,033
Listen, you probably get
asked this all the time,
51
00:02:14,075 --> 00:02:15,676
but have you ever modeled?
52
00:02:15,710 --> 00:02:17,816
I've never even been
in a picture before.
53
00:02:17,850 --> 00:02:19,723
Well, I don't just shoot school events.
54
00:02:19,757 --> 00:02:22,061
My real passion is discovering
talent like yours.
55
00:02:22,095 --> 00:02:24,063
Really? You think
I could model?
56
00:02:24,097 --> 00:02:26,169
Sure. You've got
a great look.
57
00:02:26,203 --> 00:02:29,140
Here's my number... give me
a call if you're interested.
58
00:02:29,174 --> 00:02:31,446
Wow, me being a model!
59
00:02:31,480 --> 00:02:34,513
I mean, I guess
crazier things have happened.
60
00:02:36,723 --> 00:02:38,689
Heh-hoo!
61
00:02:42,230 --> 00:02:45,093
TV ANNOUNCER: We now return
to Rocky Dennis the Menace.
62
00:02:46,864 --> 00:02:48,333
What the hell?
63
00:02:48,367 --> 00:02:49,869
Oh, it's you.
64
00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:53,605
My wife said I'm not allowed
to get mad at you anymore.
65
00:02:53,639 --> 00:02:56,275
All right, see you later.
Where are you off to?
66
00:02:56,309 --> 00:02:59,275
Actually, I met a photographer
at Stewie's school yesterday,
67
00:02:59,309 --> 00:03:01,475
and he wants me to model for him.
68
00:03:03,444 --> 00:03:05,450
Lois, please send these
back to the factory.
69
00:03:05,484 --> 00:03:07,650
I believe they're defective.
Oh, my God, Peter,
70
00:03:07,684 --> 00:03:09,713
did you just rip your own ears off?
71
00:03:09,755 --> 00:03:11,049
It was the easiest way
72
00:03:11,091 --> 00:03:13,288
to let her know the news
was ridiculous.
73
00:03:13,322 --> 00:03:14,953
You know, it would be nice
74
00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:16,827
if you guys believed in me just once.
75
00:03:16,828 --> 00:03:18,460
You're being terrible parents.
76
00:03:18,502 --> 00:03:20,764
Even worse than John Edwards.
77
00:03:20,798 --> 00:03:22,604
Kids, we need to talk.
78
00:03:22,638 --> 00:03:24,268
Your mama has cancer.
79
00:03:24,302 --> 00:03:26,436
And it's made me incredibly horny.
80
00:03:26,470 --> 00:03:28,476
Take care.
81
00:03:32,014 --> 00:03:33,811
You know, Brian, I gave some thought
82
00:03:33,845 --> 00:03:36,314
to what you said the other day,
and I realized you're right.
83
00:03:36,348 --> 00:03:38,649
Moving to the purple room
is not an achievement.
84
00:03:38,683 --> 00:03:39,881
Stewie, what are you doing here?
85
00:03:39,915 --> 00:03:41,315
I asked Peter to read my manuscript,
86
00:03:41,354 --> 00:03:43,383
and he said he had to
take you to dialysis.
87
00:03:43,417 --> 00:03:44,718
Anyway, you got me thinking.
88
00:03:44,752 --> 00:03:47,223
I've spent my entire life
in that ivory tower,
89
00:03:47,257 --> 00:03:49,887
learning from pop-up books
and animal sound machines,
90
00:03:49,921 --> 00:03:52,223
instead of actually
experiencing the world.
91
00:03:52,257 --> 00:03:54,063
That's why I got this.
92
00:03:54,097 --> 00:03:56,726
I'm gonna take a year off,
hit the open road
93
00:03:56,767 --> 00:03:58,061
and live life to the fullest.
94
00:03:58,095 --> 00:03:59,231
You're a baby.
95
00:03:59,265 --> 00:04:00,399
How'd you afford a car?
96
00:04:00,433 --> 00:04:02,335
Don't worry, I got a great price on it.
97
00:04:02,369 --> 00:04:04,533
You know how good I am
at making a deal.
98
00:04:04,575 --> 00:04:07,036
All right, I have $50
for the first person
99
00:04:07,070 --> 00:04:09,342
with a paper clip
and rouge in their purse.
100
00:04:09,376 --> 00:04:11,342
Ooh, ooh!
Monty, Monty!
101
00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:13,181
Paper clip and rouge!
Paper clip and rouge!
102
00:04:13,215 --> 00:04:14,508
Why do you have rouge?
103
00:04:14,550 --> 00:04:16,350
I don't know, it's been
in the purse for ages.
104
00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:17,514
Why do you have a purse?
105
00:04:17,548 --> 00:04:19,512
For the paper clips
and rouge, you idiot!
106
00:04:19,546 --> 00:04:21,343
What are you gonna buy with that $50?
107
00:04:21,385 --> 00:04:23,048
Purses and rouge!
108
00:04:28,626 --> 00:04:30,358
Sorry to use your bathroom so much.
109
00:04:30,392 --> 00:04:31,589
I'm just really nervous.
110
00:04:31,623 --> 00:04:33,755
You have nothing to be nervous about.
111
00:04:33,789 --> 00:04:34,986
This is gonna be fun.
112
00:04:35,028 --> 00:04:37,518
Okay, well, here goes.
113
00:04:40,724 --> 00:04:42,184
All right, Meg, while we take these,
114
00:04:42,218 --> 00:04:43,855
we can either play "Freeze Frame"
115
00:04:43,889 --> 00:04:45,518
or "She Works Hard
for the Money."
116
00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:46,653
Which would you prefer?
117
00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:47,820
Can we play both?
118
00:04:47,854 --> 00:04:49,657
Sure.
119
00:04:49,691 --> 00:04:52,990
(both songs play simultaneously)
♪ She works hard for the money ♪
120
00:04:53,024 --> 00:04:55,485
♪ So hard for it, honey ♪
121
00:04:56,696 --> 00:04:58,328
♪ She works hard for the money ♪
122
00:04:58,362 --> 00:04:59,728
♪ So you better... ♪
123
00:04:59,762 --> 00:05:01,927
Well, that was a stupid idea.
124
00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:03,832
But you... you were phenomenal.
125
00:05:03,866 --> 00:05:05,338
You really think so?
126
00:05:05,372 --> 00:05:06,842
Here, have a look.
127
00:05:06,876 --> 00:05:08,506
I think these turned out great.
128
00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:15,850
Wait, Ben...
are they all of my feet?
129
00:05:15,884 --> 00:05:18,513
Well, Meg, the thing is...
my name's Evan, by the way...
130
00:05:18,555 --> 00:05:21,689
a lot of people will pay good
money for pictures of sexy feet.
131
00:05:21,723 --> 00:05:24,184
Foot-fetish porn sites
are a huge business.
132
00:05:24,226 --> 00:05:26,023
But when you asked me to model,
133
00:05:26,057 --> 00:05:27,686
I thought you meant real modeling.
134
00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:29,189
This is real modeling.
135
00:05:29,223 --> 00:05:30,957
And you could be our next big star.
136
00:05:30,991 --> 00:05:32,125
Really?
137
00:05:32,158 --> 00:05:33,356
I don't know...
138
00:05:33,398 --> 00:05:35,027
Come on, it could be great.
139
00:05:35,061 --> 00:05:36,700
You'll meet lots of famous people.
140
00:05:36,734 --> 00:05:38,028
Like Charles Barkley.
141
00:05:38,070 --> 00:05:39,196
Hi, Meg.
142
00:05:39,238 --> 00:05:40,700
You have nice
"feetses."
143
00:05:40,734 --> 00:05:42,371
I want to put 'em both in my mouth
144
00:05:42,405 --> 00:05:44,866
and then make a slapping sound
on my bald head with 'em.
145
00:05:44,908 --> 00:05:46,833
We have a tranq gun if he gets rough.
146
00:05:52,595 --> 00:05:55,896
♪ Highway run ♪
147
00:05:55,938 --> 00:05:58,233
♪ Into the midnight sun... ♪
148
00:05:58,267 --> 00:05:59,267
(gasps)
149
00:05:59,276 --> 00:06:00,905
Meg, why are you home so early?
150
00:06:00,939 --> 00:06:02,840
Yeah, I thought you were
doing your modeling thing.
151
00:06:02,874 --> 00:06:03,840
I was.
152
00:06:03,874 --> 00:06:05,375
But what...
what's happening here?
153
00:06:05,409 --> 00:06:07,343
Well, not that it's
any of your business, Meg,
154
00:06:07,377 --> 00:06:09,849
but this is why we've been
married as long as we have.
155
00:06:09,883 --> 00:06:11,511
We do things together.
156
00:06:11,553 --> 00:06:13,351
You think 20 years just happens?
157
00:06:13,384 --> 00:06:14,685
No, it does not.
158
00:06:14,719 --> 00:06:16,148
Now, tell us fast about your nonsense,
159
00:06:16,182 --> 00:06:18,020
so I can plow your mother
on the staircase.
160
00:06:18,054 --> 00:06:19,684
Yeah, what kind of photo shoot was it?
161
00:06:19,718 --> 00:06:22,188
Did they take a picture
of you eating a whole pizza pie
162
00:06:22,222 --> 00:06:23,692
next to an astonished chef?
163
00:06:23,726 --> 00:06:25,156
(laughing)
164
00:06:25,191 --> 00:06:28,366
Actually, Evan thinks I'm a natural
165
00:06:28,401 --> 00:06:30,703
and that I'm gonna be a huge success.
166
00:06:30,737 --> 00:06:32,535
He thinks I could be a famous model.
167
00:06:32,569 --> 00:06:33,703
You, famous?
168
00:06:33,737 --> 00:06:34,870
Oh, come on, Meg.
169
00:06:34,904 --> 00:06:36,384
Your only chance at fame would've been
170
00:06:36,407 --> 00:06:37,740
as the dog on "Frasier."
171
00:06:37,774 --> 00:06:40,739
Well, of course I respect
my father. He's a vet.
172
00:06:40,773 --> 00:06:41,738
Woof!
173
00:06:41,772 --> 00:06:43,241
Not that kind of vet.
174
00:06:43,275 --> 00:06:45,040
(audience laughs)
175
00:06:48,081 --> 00:06:50,878
So, where exactly are we going anyway?
176
00:06:50,912 --> 00:06:53,214
Brian, I think the road has
a way of telling you
177
00:06:53,248 --> 00:06:54,614
where you're going.
178
00:06:56,816 --> 00:06:57,816
There.
179
00:06:57,824 --> 00:06:59,621
Rhode Island Folk Festival.
180
00:06:59,655 --> 00:07:01,389
The road has spoken.
181
00:07:01,423 --> 00:07:02,903
Huh, that actually sounds kind of fun.
182
00:07:02,927 --> 00:07:04,062
See, Brian?
183
00:07:04,096 --> 00:07:05,727
This trip's already off
to a great start.
184
00:07:05,761 --> 00:07:07,560
Certainly better than
that retreat we went on
185
00:07:07,602 --> 00:07:09,768
with the Quahog Baptist Choir.
186
00:07:09,802 --> 00:07:13,600
Why don't we show our visitors
how we sing what we see, y'all?
187
00:07:13,641 --> 00:07:16,935
♪ Sing what we see,
sing what we see ♪
188
00:07:16,977 --> 00:07:18,439
Brother Roscoe, what do you see?
189
00:07:18,473 --> 00:07:20,438
♪ Oh, I see
a Howard Johnson's billboard ♪
190
00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:22,615
♪ Sing what you see ♪
WOMAN: ♪ Uh-huh ♪
191
00:07:22,649 --> 00:07:24,616
♪ An old red barn
that needs a paint job ♪
192
00:07:24,650 --> 00:07:26,617
♪ Sing what you see ♪
WOMAN: ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
193
00:07:26,651 --> 00:07:28,618
♪ Boy in a truck
too young to drive ♪
194
00:07:28,652 --> 00:07:30,122
♪ Sing what you see ♪
195
00:07:30,156 --> 00:07:31,122
Brian!
196
00:07:31,156 --> 00:07:32,291
Oh, uh, uh...
197
00:07:32,325 --> 00:07:33,491
Car?
(groaning)
198
00:07:33,525 --> 00:07:34,891
Come on.
199
00:07:34,933 --> 00:07:38,930
Let's just see what we see
and keep it to ourselves.
200
00:07:42,740 --> 00:07:43,866
Hey, Evan.
201
00:07:43,908 --> 00:07:45,338
Oh, good, Meg, you're here.
202
00:07:45,372 --> 00:07:48,441
Grab a pair of dirty socks and
meet me by the tub of dead mice.
203
00:07:48,475 --> 00:07:51,746
Actually, Evan, I've been
thinking about this,
204
00:07:51,780 --> 00:07:54,250
and I'm not sure being a
foot-fetish model is for me.
205
00:07:54,284 --> 00:07:55,250
What?
206
00:07:55,284 --> 00:07:56,250
You can't quit.
207
00:07:56,284 --> 00:07:57,585
You're an overnight sensation.
208
00:07:57,619 --> 00:07:58,680
I am?
209
00:08:01,692 --> 00:08:04,492
You got 35,000 views in one night.
210
00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:06,493
And none of them got past
the fourth picture.
211
00:08:06,527 --> 00:08:07,527
What does that mean?
212
00:08:07,536 --> 00:08:08,502
Oh...
213
00:08:08,536 --> 00:08:09,536
They love you.
214
00:08:09,537 --> 00:08:10,672
And look at these comments.
215
00:08:10,706 --> 00:08:11,706
"Who is this?"
216
00:08:11,708 --> 00:08:12,843
"She's beautiful."
217
00:08:12,877 --> 00:08:14,508
A bunch of anti-Muslim stuff.
218
00:08:14,543 --> 00:08:15,543
"Great feet."
219
00:08:15,552 --> 00:08:16,679
You're a hit, Meg.
220
00:08:16,721 --> 00:08:19,353
Wow. That's...
that's amazing.
221
00:08:19,387 --> 00:08:21,692
It's not often that
anyone says anything nice
222
00:08:21,726 --> 00:08:23,196
about any part of me.
223
00:08:23,230 --> 00:08:25,363
But still, I don't...
I don't know.
224
00:08:25,397 --> 00:08:27,866
It's porn... I never
thought I'd do porn.
225
00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:29,834
I understand your apprehension, Meg.
226
00:08:29,868 --> 00:08:33,000
That's why I'm going to confuse
you by calling it "erotica."
227
00:08:33,034 --> 00:08:35,166
And besides, think about all your fans.
228
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:37,504
I-I guess when you
put it that way...
229
00:08:37,538 --> 00:08:41,206
I wouldn't want to let
down "Drizzlefoot321."
230
00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:43,541
(sighs) You really think
I can do it, Evan?
231
00:08:43,575 --> 00:08:45,212
Of course you can.
232
00:08:45,246 --> 00:08:48,043
Sometimes people just need a
little encouragement to succeed,
233
00:08:48,077 --> 00:08:50,579
like Jason Biggs got
from his grandfather.
234
00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:54,250
Jason, I want you to
promise me one thing...
235
00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:56,250
always be forgettable.
236
00:08:56,284 --> 00:08:57,754
(monitor flatlines)
237
00:08:57,788 --> 00:08:59,618
I will, Grandpa.
238
00:09:01,092 --> 00:09:03,059
Hey, that's just a
regular unattractive guy
239
00:09:03,093 --> 00:09:04,123
who's not famous.
240
00:09:04,165 --> 00:09:06,133
We did it, Grandpa.
241
00:09:17,420 --> 00:09:18,420
What are you doing?
242
00:09:18,428 --> 00:09:19,723
It's 18 and older, Brian.
243
00:09:19,757 --> 00:09:21,891
If I want to get in,
I need to look the part.
244
00:09:21,933 --> 00:09:24,565
I've also been working on my banter.
245
00:09:24,599 --> 00:09:26,238
Like, in case somebody bumps into me...
246
00:09:26,272 --> 00:09:27,567
"Oh, no worries, bro."
247
00:09:27,609 --> 00:09:29,769
Stewie, there's a lot of sex
and drugs at these things.
248
00:09:29,780 --> 00:09:30,907
You sure you're ready for this?
249
00:09:30,949 --> 00:09:32,244
Of course I am.
250
00:09:32,278 --> 00:09:34,579
I'm tired of living my
life in a tiny little box,
251
00:09:34,613 --> 00:09:36,587
like some sort of
claustrophobic turtle.
252
00:09:36,621 --> 00:09:38,252
Aah! Aah!
253
00:09:38,286 --> 00:09:39,589
Aah! Aah!
254
00:09:39,623 --> 00:09:40,623
Aah!
255
00:09:40,625 --> 00:09:43,097
He scare inside, he scare outside.
256
00:09:43,131 --> 00:09:44,666
Uh-huh.
257
00:09:47,202 --> 00:09:49,505
Okay, Brian, the key
to these things is to find
258
00:09:49,539 --> 00:09:51,308
a good position to sit on the ground.
259
00:09:51,342 --> 00:09:53,182
Yeah, cool, I got that
blanket from your trunk.
260
00:09:53,214 --> 00:09:55,676
Oh, yeah, the old scratchy
trunk blanket.
261
00:09:55,710 --> 00:09:57,013
Bring it, use it once,
262
00:09:57,047 --> 00:09:59,720
then put it back in the trunk
for the rest of your life.
263
00:10:00,892 --> 00:10:01,858
Ah, yeah.
264
00:10:01,892 --> 00:10:03,994
Okay, this is already hurting my hip.
265
00:10:04,028 --> 00:10:05,148
We could probably just stand.
266
00:10:05,164 --> 00:10:06,394
No, no, we got the blanket.
267
00:10:06,428 --> 00:10:08,393
All right, let's try
sideways on the elbow.
268
00:10:08,435 --> 00:10:09,561
Ow, no, that hurts.
269
00:10:09,602 --> 00:10:10,801
Scratchy blanket.
270
00:10:10,835 --> 00:10:12,737
Okay, all right,
let's try sitting on my knees.
271
00:10:12,771 --> 00:10:13,905
Okay, that's good.
272
00:10:13,939 --> 00:10:15,233
Nope. Uh...
273
00:10:15,275 --> 00:10:17,569
Lean back on the palms
until they get weird creases.
274
00:10:17,611 --> 00:10:18,577
(grunts)
No.
275
00:10:18,611 --> 00:10:19,577
All the way back? Nope.
276
00:10:19,611 --> 00:10:20,905
Flat-back, craning to look up?
277
00:10:20,947 --> 00:10:22,073
Terrible.
(grunts)
278
00:10:22,115 --> 00:10:24,249
Balls of feet butt-hover
like a Chinese guy?
279
00:10:24,283 --> 00:10:25,249
Nope.
280
00:10:25,283 --> 00:10:26,650
All right, standing it is.
281
00:10:26,684 --> 00:10:28,683
(cheering)
282
00:10:33,365 --> 00:10:36,534
I got to tell you, Bri,
I am a big fan of sundresses.
283
00:10:36,568 --> 00:10:38,540
Oh, yeah. Every woman
looks good in a sundress.
284
00:10:38,541 --> 00:10:40,835
Yeah, just waiting
for a big gust of wind, right?
285
00:10:40,877 --> 00:10:42,571
Huh? Good gust of wind?
286
00:10:42,612 --> 00:10:44,307
See a couple fannies? Huh?
287
00:10:44,341 --> 00:10:46,580
Give a little bare-hand slap,
a little cup?
288
00:10:46,614 --> 00:10:48,781
Yep, that's what we're here for.
Okay, Stewie.
289
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:51,253
Yeah. Just give it a little
test tap, see where she's at.
290
00:10:51,287 --> 00:10:53,054
Then you're pushing all up
on that fanny.
291
00:10:53,088 --> 00:10:55,190
Whoa, Stewie.
Yeah! Yeah, "whoa."
292
00:10:55,224 --> 00:10:57,024
Who's this Stewie,
huh? Yeah.
293
00:10:57,066 --> 00:10:58,497
I'll tell you who this Stewie is.
294
00:10:58,531 --> 00:10:59,651
This is day-drinking Stewie.
295
00:10:59,668 --> 00:11:01,268
On the patrol for fannies.
296
00:11:01,302 --> 00:11:03,267
Fanny! Yeah! Fanny!
297
00:11:03,301 --> 00:11:05,338
What are you looking at?
298
00:11:09,307 --> 00:11:11,209
All right, finished a chapter.
299
00:11:11,244 --> 00:11:14,544
Time to reward myself
with a slow, relaxing yank.
300
00:11:14,578 --> 00:11:17,143
Let's see.
What will it be today?
301
00:11:17,185 --> 00:11:19,678
Time to spin the Wheel of Porn.
302
00:11:23,057 --> 00:11:25,991
All right, foot fetish it is.
303
00:11:28,699 --> 00:11:30,698
Wait a minute.
304
00:11:39,374 --> 00:11:42,142
(gasps)
Oh, my God.
305
00:11:44,753 --> 00:11:47,813
Mom! Dad! Meg is
doing foot porn!
306
00:11:47,855 --> 00:11:49,787
What?! Oh, my God.
307
00:11:49,822 --> 00:11:52,387
Peter, our little girl
is doing pornography!
308
00:11:52,421 --> 00:11:54,522
We got to stop her!
What the hell?
309
00:11:54,556 --> 00:11:56,858
There's an animated version
of you and me doing it.
310
00:11:56,892 --> 00:11:58,521
Who put that on there?
311
00:11:58,555 --> 00:11:59,555
(indistinct chatter)
312
00:11:59,562 --> 00:12:00,688
Brian!
Stewie!
313
00:12:00,729 --> 00:12:02,191
Hey, how's it going, man?
314
00:12:02,225 --> 00:12:04,263
Uh, I don't know.
Four different bands said
315
00:12:04,297 --> 00:12:06,462
we've been a great crowd,
so you tell me.
316
00:12:06,496 --> 00:12:08,132
Yeah, I've had a pretty good day, too.
317
00:12:08,166 --> 00:12:09,795
People keep passing out and barfing,
318
00:12:09,829 --> 00:12:11,591
and that barf is, like, free to take.
319
00:12:11,625 --> 00:12:12,629
Awesome.
320
00:12:12,663 --> 00:12:14,522
Plus, I met the most amazing girl.
321
00:12:14,564 --> 00:12:16,425
Well, I'll tell you this,
she's got to be
322
00:12:16,459 --> 00:12:17,779
the second most amazing girl here,
323
00:12:17,795 --> 00:12:20,161
because I've met the most amazing girl.
324
00:12:20,195 --> 00:12:21,962
Oh, here she comes now.
Oh, here she comes now.
325
00:12:22,003 --> 00:12:24,066
Hey, Stewie! Hey, Brian!
326
00:12:24,100 --> 00:12:25,401
Oh, crap.
327
00:12:25,435 --> 00:12:29,206
Wait, how can a music festival
chick like two guys?
328
00:12:32,774 --> 00:12:34,604
As soon as Meg walks through that door,
329
00:12:34,638 --> 00:12:36,538
I am giving her a piece of my mind.
330
00:12:36,572 --> 00:12:38,209
Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
331
00:12:38,243 --> 00:12:40,544
Wait, you've been
upstairs the whole time?
332
00:12:40,578 --> 00:12:42,479
I figured all that
clomping around up there
333
00:12:42,513 --> 00:12:44,406
was Junior Gorg from Fraggle Rock.
334
00:12:44,448 --> 00:12:46,213
Is that what you really thought?
335
00:12:46,247 --> 00:12:47,877
I did.
I really did.
336
00:12:47,911 --> 00:12:50,083
Meg, we know
you've been doing foot porn,
337
00:12:50,117 --> 00:12:52,210
and that is going to stop right now.
338
00:12:52,252 --> 00:12:54,881
Please. Don't try to act
like you guys care.
339
00:12:54,915 --> 00:12:57,016
Oh, thank God.
340
00:12:57,050 --> 00:12:58,751
Peter!
341
00:12:58,785 --> 00:13:00,087
Meg, we do care.
342
00:13:00,121 --> 00:13:02,088
And we're just trying to protect you.
343
00:13:02,122 --> 00:13:04,255
Are you kidding?
All you've done is make fun
344
00:13:04,289 --> 00:13:06,727
of anybody possibly thinking
I could be a model.
345
00:13:06,761 --> 00:13:08,063
Well, guess what,
346
00:13:08,097 --> 00:13:11,057
there are people out there
who think I'm beautiful.
347
00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:12,790
(horn honking)
That's my ride.
348
00:13:12,824 --> 00:13:16,185
I'm going to a big party
they're throwing in my honor.
349
00:13:16,227 --> 00:13:20,056
Meg, don't you dare walk out
that door, or you're grounded.
350
00:13:28,226 --> 00:13:29,457
Oh, my God!
351
00:13:29,499 --> 00:13:31,730
I can't believe
our daughter's a porn star!
352
00:13:31,764 --> 00:13:33,731
Well, porn actress.
353
00:13:33,765 --> 00:13:37,069
Let's not go crazy on the
Christmas letter, okay, Lois?
354
00:13:43,473 --> 00:13:44,837
Peter, we got to do something.
355
00:13:44,871 --> 00:13:47,508
Our daughter just left for
some sleazy foot porn party.
356
00:13:47,542 --> 00:13:50,339
I feel like we're getting
invited to less stuff nowadays.
357
00:13:50,373 --> 00:13:52,305
We got to find out where that party is
358
00:13:52,339 --> 00:13:53,808
and get Meg out of there!
359
00:13:53,842 --> 00:13:55,575
You're right.
God, what happened?
360
00:13:55,609 --> 00:13:58,402
It seems like just yesterday
she was born.
361
00:13:58,444 --> 00:14:00,441
Mr. Griffin, would you like
to cut the cord?
362
00:14:00,475 --> 00:14:02,038
Sure.
363
00:14:02,072 --> 00:14:06,102
Okay, that wasn't the cord,
and now you've got a girl.
364
00:14:06,136 --> 00:14:10,098
♪ Ooh, oh, Josephine... ♪
365
00:14:13,202 --> 00:14:15,209
Okay, Brian, so we like the same girl.
366
00:14:15,243 --> 00:14:17,105
There's no reason we can't
be gentlemen about this.
367
00:14:17,147 --> 00:14:18,345
Absolutely.
368
00:14:18,379 --> 00:14:20,543
Our friendship is more important
than any one girl.
369
00:14:20,575 --> 00:14:21,604
Hey, guys.
370
00:14:21,646 --> 00:14:22,844
I got us all some food.
371
00:14:22,878 --> 00:14:23,940
Oh, great.
372
00:14:23,982 --> 00:14:25,222
Just mash Brian's pill in there
373
00:14:25,245 --> 00:14:27,177
and smear it on the grass,
he's good to go.
374
00:14:27,211 --> 00:14:28,439
Oh, no, he's kidding.
375
00:14:28,481 --> 00:14:30,673
I-I'm perfectly capable
of taking a pill.
376
00:14:37,677 --> 00:14:39,674
(gagging)
377
00:14:45,309 --> 00:14:46,570
Yep, down the hatch.
378
00:14:46,612 --> 00:14:48,705
Now, Stewie, would you like
your food served to you
379
00:14:48,746 --> 00:14:50,440
as an airplane or a magic bus?
380
00:14:50,474 --> 00:14:53,374
(chuckles) You two
are so cool and funny.
381
00:14:53,408 --> 00:14:54,974
(laughing):
Brian especially.
382
00:14:55,015 --> 00:14:57,412
Did you happen to read his
tweet about "jumbo shrimp"?
383
00:14:57,446 --> 00:14:58,412
(chuckles)
384
00:14:58,446 --> 00:14:59,642
Just a little heads-up.
385
00:14:59,684 --> 00:15:00,978
Stewie still screams,
"What's happening?"
386
00:15:01,012 --> 00:15:02,345
when he gets an erection.
387
00:15:02,379 --> 00:15:04,416
Oh, this is nice, spending
this time together.
388
00:15:04,450 --> 00:15:07,117
Brian, why don't you show Cassandra
your Boost Mobile phone?
389
00:15:07,151 --> 00:15:08,285
Stewie has AIDS.
390
00:15:08,319 --> 00:15:10,348
Guys, guys, there's no reason to fight.
391
00:15:10,382 --> 00:15:11,786
I don't have AIDS, by the way.
392
00:15:11,820 --> 00:15:13,081
In fact...
393
00:15:13,115 --> 00:15:16,151
I was thinking maybe
we could all have a three-way.
394
00:15:16,185 --> 00:15:18,351
A... a three-way?
395
00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:20,823
I'm in.
Yeah, totally.
396
00:15:20,857 --> 00:15:21,822
Really?
397
00:15:21,856 --> 00:15:23,494
Cool! Let's go.
398
00:15:25,693 --> 00:15:27,291
I'm serious, man.
I'm doing this.
399
00:15:27,325 --> 00:15:28,492
I am, too.
Bring it on.
400
00:15:28,526 --> 00:15:29,526
Don't doubt me, Brian.
401
00:15:29,534 --> 00:15:30,594
I never back down.
402
00:15:30,628 --> 00:15:32,962
Like Boppo, the inflatable
punching clown.
403
00:15:32,996 --> 00:15:34,665
Ah, you're in big trouble, Boppo.
404
00:15:34,699 --> 00:15:37,068
We told you to take a dive
in the third round,
405
00:15:37,102 --> 00:15:38,607
and you just kept popping back up.
406
00:15:38,641 --> 00:15:40,007
Let him have it, boys.
407
00:15:40,041 --> 00:15:42,046
(grunting)
408
00:15:46,151 --> 00:15:47,117
He's pretty tough, boss.
409
00:15:47,151 --> 00:15:48,151
I'll handle this.
410
00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:50,747
Whoa! Boppo!
411
00:15:50,781 --> 00:15:51,947
Take it easy there, pal!
412
00:15:51,989 --> 00:15:53,450
We-we-we was just
playin' with ya!
413
00:15:53,484 --> 00:15:55,249
Yeah, we didn't mean no harm.
414
00:15:59,385 --> 00:16:00,391
(siren wailing)
415
00:16:00,425 --> 00:16:01,622
IRISH OFFICER (over megaphone):
Boppo!
416
00:16:01,656 --> 00:16:03,525
We've got the place
completely surrounded!
417
00:16:03,559 --> 00:16:05,724
We all know how it's going to end!
418
00:16:05,758 --> 00:16:07,723
Come out with your hands up, lad!
419
00:16:12,391 --> 00:16:15,257
♪ Bat us around ♪
420
00:16:15,291 --> 00:16:17,759
♪ But we land on our feet... ♪
421
00:16:19,457 --> 00:16:21,326
(whispering): All right, let's lay
some ground rules here.
422
00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:23,232
You take her left side,
I'll take her right.
423
00:16:23,266 --> 00:16:24,361
What?
424
00:16:24,402 --> 00:16:26,895
Wait, how about top and
bottom, or front and back?
425
00:16:26,937 --> 00:16:28,431
How about I take head, shoulders,
426
00:16:28,473 --> 00:16:30,366
knees and toes, knees and toes?
427
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:31,534
Okay, you can have those.
428
00:16:31,568 --> 00:16:34,204
You just gave away the store, mister.
429
00:16:34,238 --> 00:16:35,708
CASSANDRA:
You guys ready?
430
00:16:35,742 --> 00:16:37,539
(snorts)
431
00:16:37,573 --> 00:16:39,339
'Cause I am.
432
00:16:41,110 --> 00:16:43,413
Ah! What's
happening?!
433
00:16:46,751 --> 00:16:49,486
Is... is this...
is this foreplay?
434
00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:50,686
She's dead.
435
00:16:50,728 --> 00:16:52,526
I think she had a drug overdose.
436
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:55,296
Well, just 'cause she's out
doesn't mean the party's over.
437
00:16:55,330 --> 00:16:57,297
Yes, it does.
We gotta get out of here.
438
00:16:57,331 --> 00:16:58,634
What? We can't
just leave her.
439
00:16:58,668 --> 00:16:59,634
She had nobody.
440
00:16:59,667 --> 00:17:01,233
No family, no friends.
441
00:17:01,275 --> 00:17:02,672
Really?
How do you know all that?
442
00:17:02,706 --> 00:17:03,735
"All that"?
443
00:17:03,769 --> 00:17:05,374
You said you were in love with her.
444
00:17:05,408 --> 00:17:07,006
Did you not talk to her at all?
445
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:08,374
No, I-I talked to her.
446
00:17:08,408 --> 00:17:11,507
I know she liked...
tents.
447
00:17:11,541 --> 00:17:13,042
And cocaine.
448
00:17:13,076 --> 00:17:16,042
Oh, oh, and how she loved
bleeding from her nose.
449
00:17:16,076 --> 00:17:17,281
You're a monster.
450
00:17:17,315 --> 00:17:19,911
You're even worse
than Dr. Finkelstein.
451
00:17:19,945 --> 00:17:22,077
Igor, did you get the body?
452
00:17:22,111 --> 00:17:23,717
Yes, master.
453
00:17:23,751 --> 00:17:25,148
You know what to do.
454
00:17:29,050 --> 00:17:30,247
It's a five!
455
00:17:30,281 --> 00:17:31,879
A five!
456
00:17:39,090 --> 00:17:40,391
Oh, hey, guys.
What's going on?
457
00:17:40,425 --> 00:17:42,526
Quagmire, we need your help
finding Meg.
458
00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:45,093
I would love if you guys
would just call first.
459
00:17:45,127 --> 00:17:47,363
She's run off to some
foot-fetish porn party.
460
00:17:47,397 --> 00:17:49,131
We figured you might know where it is.
461
00:17:49,165 --> 00:17:50,994
You know, 'cause of
your boners and stuff.
462
00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:52,434
Foot-fetish party, huh?
463
00:17:52,468 --> 00:17:54,370
Well, come on in.
464
00:17:54,404 --> 00:17:56,371
Let me just fire up the Internet here.
465
00:17:56,405 --> 00:17:58,404
Gonna go to
"Ask Beeves."
466
00:18:00,110 --> 00:18:02,179
Sorry, Joe's Wi-Fi
is really slow today.
467
00:18:02,213 --> 00:18:03,843
Ugh, I know, it's the worst.
468
00:18:03,877 --> 00:18:06,178
We also use his cable TV.
469
00:18:06,212 --> 00:18:07,282
I like Joe.
470
00:18:07,316 --> 00:18:08,514
Here we go.
471
00:18:08,548 --> 00:18:09,985
Oh, it's a busy night.
472
00:18:10,019 --> 00:18:11,385
There's a black-tie event...
473
00:18:11,419 --> 00:18:13,846
that's all black and Thai chicks.
474
00:18:13,887 --> 00:18:15,612
Okay, this must be Meg's thing.
475
00:18:15,654 --> 00:18:17,618
It says there's
a shoe-kake party tonight.
476
00:18:17,652 --> 00:18:18,817
"Shoe-kake"?
477
00:18:18,851 --> 00:18:19,817
Wh-What's that?
478
00:18:19,851 --> 00:18:21,152
It's 50 guys, one foot.
479
00:18:21,186 --> 00:18:22,655
Oh, my.
480
00:18:22,689 --> 00:18:24,686
♪ ♪
481
00:18:27,655 --> 00:18:28,791
All right, come on, Stewie.
482
00:18:28,825 --> 00:18:29,825
Let's get this over with.
483
00:18:29,826 --> 00:18:30,993
Well, slow down, Brian.
484
00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:32,434
Everyone deserves a proper burial.
485
00:18:32,468 --> 00:18:34,034
Why do you think we've been saving
486
00:18:34,068 --> 00:18:35,666
that VCR box in the basement?
487
00:18:35,700 --> 00:18:36,802
Oh, fine.
488
00:18:36,836 --> 00:18:40,672
Um, Cassandra, I'm sorry
your life was so screwed up
489
00:18:40,706 --> 00:18:43,269
that you almost had a three-way
with a dog and a baby,
490
00:18:43,303 --> 00:18:45,508
but your life was not without meaning.
491
00:18:45,542 --> 00:18:48,138
I left the comfort of the classroom
492
00:18:48,172 --> 00:18:50,209
to experience a world beyond books,
493
00:18:50,244 --> 00:18:52,241
and thanks to you, I did.
494
00:18:52,275 --> 00:18:54,881
Also, I loaned you $40
for that Lumineers T-shirt,
495
00:18:54,915 --> 00:18:57,715
and you said you'd pay me back,
so I'm gonna take your bra.
496
00:19:02,561 --> 00:19:03,656
Wow.
497
00:19:03,698 --> 00:19:05,298
Lot of people O.D.
at these things.
498
00:19:05,332 --> 00:19:06,530
Yeah.
499
00:19:06,564 --> 00:19:09,036
Let's go trade this bra
for a couple of Gatorades.
500
00:19:22,115 --> 00:19:24,282
All right, you guys, before we begin,
501
00:19:24,316 --> 00:19:27,049
let's sing the Japanese
national anthem.
502
00:19:27,083 --> 00:19:29,623
Everybody stop what you're doing!
503
00:19:29,657 --> 00:19:31,183
Yeah, or else we'll...
(giggling)
504
00:19:31,225 --> 00:19:32,919
That one's wearing goggles.
505
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:34,222
Mom? Dad?
506
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:35,589
What are you doing here?
507
00:19:35,623 --> 00:19:37,218
I'll tell you what we're doing here.
508
00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:38,890
We're protecting our little girl
509
00:19:38,924 --> 00:19:41,928
from a lot of guys who I oddly
recognize from Best Buy.
510
00:19:41,962 --> 00:19:44,463
Listen, Meg, your mom and I are sorry
511
00:19:44,497 --> 00:19:45,663
for always putting you down.
512
00:19:45,697 --> 00:19:47,031
That's right.
513
00:19:47,065 --> 00:19:49,366
You shouldn't have to do porn
to feel appreciated.
514
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:50,534
Really?
515
00:19:50,568 --> 00:19:51,901
Of course, Meg.
516
00:19:51,935 --> 00:19:53,269
We love you, sweetheart.
517
00:19:53,303 --> 00:19:55,406
And you deserve better than this.
518
00:19:55,440 --> 00:19:57,135
Thanks, you guys.
519
00:20:00,412 --> 00:20:02,013
Can we please go home?
520
00:20:02,055 --> 00:20:03,952
Yeah, let's get out of here.
521
00:20:03,994 --> 00:20:05,322
Not so fast.
522
00:20:05,363 --> 00:20:07,732
I promised these men a foot.
523
00:20:12,010 --> 00:20:13,441
What did you say is going on
524
00:20:13,475 --> 00:20:14,905
on the other side of this curtain?
525
00:20:14,947 --> 00:20:15,977
Don't worry about it.
526
00:20:16,011 --> 00:20:17,377
Just keep watching Tower Heist.
527
00:20:17,411 --> 00:20:19,345
This crew pulling off a robbery?
528
00:20:19,379 --> 00:20:21,111
Good luck.
529
00:20:26,089 --> 00:20:27,520
Well, Brian, thanks for going
530
00:20:27,554 --> 00:20:28,834
on that little adventure with me,
531
00:20:28,859 --> 00:20:30,425
but I think I've learned quite enough
532
00:20:30,460 --> 00:20:31,890
from the real world for now.
533
00:20:31,932 --> 00:20:34,227
I guess you're ready for the
purple room after all, huh?
534
00:20:34,269 --> 00:20:36,763
Yes. In fact, today
was my first day.
535
00:20:36,805 --> 00:20:40,097
I saw that teacher at
the concert with her boob out.
536
00:20:40,139 --> 00:20:43,136
She was, um, popular.
537
00:20:43,170 --> 00:20:45,336
Mom, Dad, thanks for keeping me
538
00:20:45,370 --> 00:20:46,930
from doing something I'd always regret.
539
00:20:46,939 --> 00:20:48,409
Of course, sweetie.
540
00:20:48,443 --> 00:20:50,610
We love you, and we would never let
541
00:20:50,644 --> 00:20:52,315
anything bad happen to you.
542
00:20:52,349 --> 00:20:53,483
(knocking at door)
543
00:20:55,317 --> 00:20:57,654
Peter, we got a problem.
544
00:20:57,655 --> 00:21:00,331
Somehow my foot got pregnant
watching Tower Heist.
545
00:21:00,332 --> 00:21:06,832
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man web dl sync snarry39385
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