Original subtitles

Sebastian, Sebastian, stop pouting.

I'm sorry. I'm such a dope.

You are not a dope.

You are just misguided.

All the reports from your teachers said the same thing.

"Sebastian would make an exceptional student...

if only he would follow orders."

I can't believe you fed the school hamster an overdose of Viagra!

I was testing the reproductive system for a science experiment, and I wanted to see how big...

Enough! Enough!

Fortunately for you, you are moving to a new town.

You will have a chance to start anew. It's time to shape up!

Speaking of shaping up, how's Mrs. Freeman doing?

-I'd say she's lost some weight. She looks good! -Thank you.

I gotta tell you. It's a really great thing she's doing for the community.

Censoring books and all. That Catcher in the Rye novel really screwed me up.

Mrs. Freeman knows what's best for young minds.

- Which comes to my point.

I was wondering what you planned on doing with my file.

It's not very favorable, and...

And you'd prefer if I didn't forward it to your new school.

I've thought long and hard about it,

and I've decided to send it.

If you've really changed, you'll rise above your past mistakes.

- How can I ever thank you? - You have got a plane to catch, and I've got some work to do.

So,

you just remember, Sebastian,

the future is what you make of it.

The future is what I make of it.

The future is what I make of it.

Got it.

I'll never forget you, sir.

Yeah, yeah, right, right.

Pansy.

Dave Freeman. What the fuck have you done to me, you fucking asshole?

- What's wrong, pumpkin? - Have you seen my picture in the school yearbook?

Um, yes. You look wonderful.

- Wonderful! I'm naked, you fucking idiot! - Fuck.

I'm the laughingstock of the community!

How could you have let this happen? You weaselly little piece of shit!

You'll pay for this!

And... I hate you!

Asshole!

Sebastian! Sebastian! Sebastian!

Sebastian! Don't think you are gonna get away with this stunt.

So where are you heading? New York City.

For you.Thanks.

You are finished! Sebastian! Sebastian!

Bye-bye. Sebastian!

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

Sebastian Valmont? Yeah.

I'll take care of the driver, sir. Your family's expecting you.

Which apartment?

The whole building, sir.

Of course. What was I thinking?

Oh, my God!

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

Sebastian Valmont to see you, sir.

Ah, good to see you again, son. It's good to see you too, Dad.

How's your mother?

Oh, Dr. Rappaport thinks she's gonna be in rehab for the long haul.

Thanks for taking me in. You know, foster homes just aren't my thing.

Think nothing of it. Man, you really hit the mother lode this time.

Sebastian, I would like you to meet the love of my life.

This is Tiffany.

It's a pleasure to finally meet you.

I see you have your father's beautiful blue eyes.

Thank you.

My, what a precious little... kitty you have.

- Would you like to pet her?

Some other time. Sebastian, come meet Kathryn.

I've heard so much about you.

Welcome to the family.

I've always wanted a brother, but they were sold out of them at Bloomingdale's.

- Is that a real Steinway? - I wouldn't play anything else.

- May I? - Be my guest.

- Kathryn is an exquisite pianist, Sebastian. - Really?

♪♪♪

- Cute.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

I think it needs a tuning.

Mother, Sebastian must be famished. Shouldn't we check on dinner?

I think that's a wonderful idea.

I'm so excited you'll be starting Manchester with me tomorrow.

- It's a wonderful institution, with wonderful teachers. - Wonderful.

Kathryn is president of the student body.

Let's not forget president of the French Club.

Oui. I live for extracurricular activities.

Student body president. I thought you were a sophomore.

I am. I believe one should not be hampered in achieving...

one's goals simply by the paltriness of one's years.

- You mean "dearth." - Excuse me?

Well, paltriness implies insignificance,

but really it's your lack of age that shouldn't hamper you from achieving your goals.

Careful with those S.A.T. words. They can be deadly.

Thank you.

Isn't Kathryn just the best, son?

Yeah, she's a real peach, Dad.

I love you, Stepdaddy.

Um, I'm a little tired from all the travel. Do you mind if I turn in?

Not at all. I know you have a big day ahead of you tomorrow.

I'll show you to your room.

Hey, you little asshole.

I was not... What? You heard me!

So, he outdoes you at piano.

He outdoes you at vocabulary.

I guess I overestimated you.

And don't sulk.

It's a sign of weakness.

Yes, Mother.

Everything's fine.

I was just checking up on you, Mom.

Look, I promised I'd take care of you, right?

Well, I'm gonna talk to Dad and get you into a better facility.

That's the least he can do.

I love you too.

What the... Let's get something straight!

I may not have fooled you, but I've got a great thing going with the 'rentals.

I don't have a curfew, they never bother me about homework, I've a five-figure allowance.

No one, and I mean no one is about to threaten my cushy lifestyle.

Especially not some two-bit, hick loser.

But... I don't want to hear it.

Now, as for school, you stay out of my face and we'll get along.

But if you cross me once, I'll bury your sorry ass.

Understood?

Right. I'm glad we could have this little discussion.

Mmm! Not bad.

♪ When I get my hands on you ♪

Ow!

♪ I'm gonna choke you out ♪

♪ The way you irritate me ♪

What's the matter? This collar's too tight.

I guess you're only used to wearing mesh shirts where you come from.

Mmm!

More S.A.T. vocabulary builders?

For your information, this happens to be my orientation speech.

- Who are you orienting? - Please, be more stupid.

I am the student body president.

Ivy League schools eat this extracurricular crap up for supper.

You do know what an Ivy League school is?

♪ I don't care about the consequences ♪

Stop.

Do me a favor. Pretend you don't know me.

♪ I know I looked up to you ♪

♪ I even confided ♪

♪ Didn't see the man inside of you ♪

♪ Oh, forever divided ♪♪♪

My God, you're beautiful.

Excuse me?

I said you were beautiful.

Thank you.

Excuse me, but what did you mean by that remark?

- What remark? - That I'm beautiful.

Well, aren't you?

Oh, yeah! I mean, no, no. But that's...

Never mind.

You're very strange.

I know.

Are you here to see the headmaster?

Yeah. I hear he's a total joke!

I wouldn't know.

The headmaster will see you now.

In all my years in education, I have never seen a file quite like this.

4.0 G.P.A.

President of several clubs, all-star snowboarding for your county,

as well as several glowing letters from your teachers, including your former principal.

We were very close, he and I, sir.

- Yes, it's most impressive. - Thank you.

Perhaps... a little too impressive.

Thank you.

That aside, I'm sure an enterprising young man like yourself...

would be a welcome addition here at Manchester.

Thank you, sir.

- Come in.

You had a few grammaticals, but nothing reprehensible.

Thank you, honey.

Sebastian, I'd like you to meet my daughter, Danielle. You're both in the same class.

You look familiar. Have we met?

Ah, no, I don't think so.

- Are you sure? - Must've been someone else.

I better get going. It was very nice meeting you, sir. Ma'am.

Good luck, Sebastian. Thank you, sir.

He seems like a nice kid. Don't you think? We'll see.

♪ With our Alma mater we will grow ♪

♪ Hail to thee O stars of pride ♪

♪ Hail to thee Manchester ♪♪♪

Be seated.

We will now hear from your new student body president...

Kathryn Merteuil.

Fellow students, faculty, administrators and custodians,

I would personally like to welcome each and every one of you to what...

I think will be Manchester's proudest year.

She's such an inspiration.

I consider each and every one of you...

members of my Manchester Prep family.

- With that said, I feel it is our responsibility...

to reach out and accept all new students...

as members of...

And accept all new students as...

- Settle down, people.

As I was saying,

I consider each and every one of you,

members of my...

- Are you all right? - Sorry. Happens when I get nervous.

Guess I need a bubble gum fix.

Keep going.

You're doing great.

Thanks.

Once again, as I was saying,

I consider each and every one of you members...

of my Manchester Prep family.

With that said, I feel it is our responsibility...

to reach out and accept all new students...

- Somebody do something!

Good goin', Danielle.

He's got her.

Danielle! Danielle!

Bravo!

Terrific.

Right! Sparing me the Cliff Notes synopsis,

who can tell me what this means?

Mr. Winkler.

Jekyll was a doctor, and he developed this potion...

that transformed him into Edward Hyde, his evil side.

My gosh! Did that answer suck!

Now, come on, I know you've got it in you.

That themes can be discussed here? Miss Sherman.

I think Stevenson is talking about the duality of man.

Man has both good and evil in him.

If man cannot suppress his evil instincts, he is inevitably doomed.

- Wrong! - Care to elaborate on that?

Nowhere in the novel does Stevenson mention good over evil.

In fact, it's just the opposite.

Jekyll loved Hyde so much that he protected him from the world.

He protected Hyde so he wouldn't hurt people.

Please! He loved hurting people!

Then why does Jekyll kill himself at the end? Where does it say that?

At the end! Mr. Utterson found his body.

Utterson was idiotic. Your point is idiotic!

All right, break it up, you two.

Wow!

Am I losing my mind or did we just witness an intellectual debate in this classroom?

Although I disagree with your conclusions, Mr. Valmont,

I do appreciate your warped point of view.

Miss Sherman, I think you could be a little more tolerant of other people's opinions.

Fellows, welcome back.

Hey, Rene, good to see you.

Assistant Headmaster Muller!

Assistant Headmaster Muller!

Steve.

I thought I told you not to call me by my first name.

We need to talk. Can we do it later? I'm busy right now.

Stop that!

I said, we need to talk. What is it?

Do you see something wrong?

I have gym. You know I loathe gym.

We Merteuils do not like to perspire.

What is this "We Merteuils" nonsense? You're a student.

Try acting like one. Excuse me?

Look, Kathryn, rules are rules. I'm sorry. You're going to gym.

- I understand. - You do?

Yes. But it's a bit strange.

'Cause isn't it against the rules for someone your age...

to seduce a minor, like you did to me this summer in the Hamptons?

Now you know that's not entirely true. It was you who seduced me.

You know, you're right.

It was me who seduced you.

But then again, who will the school board believe?

It's my word against yours. Think about it, Steve.

Something like this could ruin your career,

not to mention your marriage.

But, I guess if you can bend the rules a little,

then so can I.

I'll see what I can do.

You're the best.

This meeting of the Manchester Tribunal will now come to order.

Kathryn Merteuil presiding. Thank you, Blaine.

Fellow students of affluence and popularity.

I welcome you to this year's first meeting of the Manchester Tribunal.

As your new leader, I promise to do my best...

to weed out the geeks, losers and underprivileged,

and toss their fat asses out of our school.

Here's the latest shipment, Mrs. Gagin.

Oh, thank you. Could you re-shelve these for me?

Uh-huh.Thanks.

♪ Why are you smiling Are you hiding something ♪

♪ From me and from you ♪

Mmm.

♪ Lookin' out the window What's comin' next ♪

♪ Something is falling down on my head ♪♪♪

Mmm. Oh. Oh, my God. A cartoon cock?

Hi.

Are you all right? You scared me to death.

- Um, you dropped this. - I-I didn't drop it.

Yes, you did. But it's all right.

Sexual curiosity is nothing to be ashamed of.

I'm not ashamed. And I have a very healthy sexual curiosity.

Really?

- So what are you doing here? - I work here.

Do you think you can take a 15-minute break and join me for a cup of coffee?

I'd love to, but unfortunately I have a lot of work to do here.

Um, Mrs. Gagin, do you mind if Danielle joins me for a coffee break?

Please go right ahead. There's nothing to do right now.

- Thank you. - You don't quit, do you?

Whatever happened to "Be nice to the new kid in school?"

Fifteen minutes.

Go!

Next.

Michael Keen, freshman.

Former B.M.O.C. of his junior high school.

Don't let his bad acne dissuade you, though. His father owns the Coliseum.

Let's get him a facial and see if he can score us...

some front-row tickets to the Hole concert.

Next.

Sebastian Valmont.

- Sophomore. Son of Edward and Corrine. - Go on.

He's a transfer student and I don't have any more information on him yet.

Don't you know anything else about him? He is your stepbrother.

I've only known him for a day. He's a total loser.

I mean, he shops at the Gap.

Eeew!

Stay on him and see what you can find out.

Will do. Next.

Cherie Claymon. Freshman.

Daughter of Hubert and Bunny. Annual family income...

- Well? - $850 million.

She's richer than Kathryn.

I heard that.

She has a G.P.A. of 1.3, and not only is she a virgin,

but she never even kissed a boy before.

Okay, this girl is a walking Teletubby...

just begging to be made an example of.

I think I'll oversee this one personally.

When I get through with her, she will be the premier slut at Manchester Prep.

Quiet.

Next order of business, grievances. Yes, Lauren.

Well, it appears we're having a bit of trouble with the new school chef.

Mr. Washington seems to think that sushi is an inappropriate meal for growing girls and boys.

All those in favor of sending Mr. Washington back to his hot dog stand say "aye."

- Aye. - Aye. Okay, bye-bye, Mr. Washington.

Hello, Mr. Yakamoto.

So, what's a nice girl like you doing at a snobbish school like Manchester?

It's called free tuition.

Besides, it's not as bad as it seems.

My dad took over the place a year after my mom passed away.

I'm sorry.

Your turn.

Okay. Folks split up ten years ago. Mom has a drug problem.

And everyone thought it would be best if I moved in with my dad.

You get along with him?

I don't really know him. He's on his fourth marriage.

To Kathryn's mom? Yeah.

I know this is rude, but...

what's it like growing up with all that money?

I'll let you know. I'm only one day into it.

Sorry to disappoint you, my dear, but Richie Rich I'm not.

And I thought I was the only one at Manchester.

You ever get the feeling you're being watched?

- Yours? - Hers.

There you are, silly goose. I've been looking all over for you.

Hi, Danielle. How's the used bookstore?

Don't let her get to you.

She doesn't. Maybe it makes me uncool,

but I don't really care what your stepsister thinks of me.

Actually, I think that makes you very cool.

Well, I'd better get going. I don't want her to make me hitch a ride home.

Thanks for coffee.Yeah. I'll call you later.

You don't have my number. Don't underestimate me.

Don't underestimate Kathryn.

Let's go! See ya.

Bye.

Nice first day, retard?

It was great. This uptight bitch got gum stuck in her hair.

Touché.

Hi! Cherie, it's Kathryn, from school.

No, I don't hate you!

As a matter of fact, I was just appointed your big sister.

Can you come out tonight? It's a school event. Great!

00. See you, sweetie.

You're going out with the girl who spit gum in your hair?

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Come on, Kathryn.

She's just a freshman. Pick on someone your own size.

Like you? In due time.

So, you have a thing for boring virgins.

Danielle is a virgin, you know.

Careful, Kathryn. I'm better at this than you.

Ooh. You actually have a backbone.

Don't push me, Kathryn.

Any time you want to start a war...

I'll keep it under consideration.

Thirty-six, fifteen. Yeah!

Good evening, Master Sebastian. And how was your evening jaunt?

Not bad, Henry, not bad at all. Where are the folks?

Dinner with a sheik. Cook has your meal ready.

Will you be showering before or after dinner, sir?

I hadn't really thought about it. Very well.

Anything I can do to make your evening more relaxing, just let me know.

Thanks, Henry.

This way, sir.

Please make yourself comfortable.

Gunther's prepared a marvelous sweetbread mousse.

Look's like dinner at the Addams Family. Auf Wiedersehen!

Guys? Hello? Anyone?

Yes, sir. Is everything all right?

Um, Henry, I think I'll get something later. Go out or something.

Very well, sir. If you need the car, just let Frederick know.

Sure.

No, it's not like that at all.

Well, of course I miss you. You do?

We'll get together very soon, I promise.

Okay. What are you wearing?

I have to go. Edward!

- I didn't hear you knock. - I didn't.

That was my accountant on the phone.

Wow! You guys must have a really tight relationship.

Look, son, don't make me regret taking you in.

Well, I see that old habits die hard, or in your case, don't die at all.

I'm your father, and I demand to be treated with some respect.

A man has needs, and...

Look, Dad, spare me the melodrama.

But, a word of advice? You got a pretty good thing goin' here.

And I wouldn't screw it up if I were you.

You know, Sebastian, I really like these father-son chats.

You're a real role model.

Would you sit the fuck down?

Thank you.

Shut up, you losers!

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

One mineral water, one iced tea.

This sure doesn't taste like an iced tea.

It's from Long Island. Here, have another.

What's the latest, Kathryn? Me, as usual.

Court, I'd like you to meet Cherie Claymon.

How's it goin', Cherie?

Excuse me. I think we should adjourn to the ladies' room.

But I don't have to go. I do.

So, what do you need my help for? Ow!

- Want some more? - No.

Back in a flash.Right.

So how do you know he likes me?

I can see it in his eyes.

If you say so. So what do I do about it?

You're gonna have to let him fuck you.

But I've never even been to first base with a guy.

So we'll start with first base, and then we'll move on.

Okay.

Okay.

- Ready? - Ready.

That was easy.

Okay, we're gonna try this again. This time I want you to close your eyes.

Court's gonna stick his tongue in your mouth.

I want you to massage his tongue with yours, okay?

Ready!

You idiot! These are $300 pants!

I'm sorry.

Oh, God! You stupid bitch!

He hates me.

There, there. Shh.

Hello? I told you not to underestimate me.

You're unbelievable. Thank you.

Oh, come on. The television seriesMash was better than the movie.

If you say so. I do.

- What time is it? 30.

Oh, my God, we've been talking for over an hour. Ooh, call the police.

Ha, ha. I should get going. Homework.

Hey, listen, what are you up to on Saturday? I'm looking for a tour guide...

to show me the sights. Oh, I can't. I have plans.

Come on. You gotta rescue me from my psycho stepsister. At least for a few hours.

Look, don't you think we should take this slower?

I mean, you know, I don't really know you and... Take what slow?

I wasn't asking you on a date.

I just wanted to make a new friend. I know! I wasn't...

- Man, are you conceited! - No, I'm not conceited. It's just that...

I have to go.

Hello? Hello!

Always make an impression.

Psycho stepsister? Evening.

Evening. Oh, she shot you down.

Exactly the opposite.

So, what's on the agenda? Matinee of The Lion King?

Man, you really have it out for her, don't you?

It must really burn your ass that with all your money and your popularity,

she's still won't have anything to do with you.

Face it, Kathryn. She's outclassed you.

How dare you talk to me like that, you son of a bitch.

Well, this has been fun.

Unfortunately, I have some work to do, and you have to go throw up.

After all, it was a very big salad you had for dinner. Have you been spying on me?

"Oh, for God's sake, croutons!"

We'll see who gets the last laugh, brother dear.

Oh, no! I'm sorry!

It's all my fault. I wasn't thinking. I'll get it, I'll clean it up.

I'm so sorry. It's okay, it's okay.

- Stop crying. - Just don't tell anyone.

What is this? Ben-Hur? Do they beat you here?

Please, don't tell anyone.

Min Lin, relax!

Christ! It's like a fucking Godzilla movie.

You girls know the routine?

Seduce. And destroy.

Meow.

Shut up.

♪♪♪

Very nice.

Who the fuck are you? And you?

I'm Sarah and this is Gretchen.

We had a sleep-over at Kathryn's, and we're running a little late.

Do you mind if we share your shower?

Um, what? -What?... Yeah, yeah! Be my guest. Thank you.

Pass me the loofah.

La-la-la-la-la.

Hey!

So, uh, what year are you guys?

We're seniors.Cool.

How do you like Manchester, Sebastian?

It's...

It's, uh, it's unbelievably...

Unbelievably what?

- Unbelievably hard. - It certainly is.

Rock hard. Down, boy.

So, uh, you guys sisters?

More like kissing cousins.

Whoa!

Slippery when wet.

So you're seeing Danielle Sherman.

Who?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Trying to.

She's a sweet girl.

You guys would make a great couple.

Just too bad you're gonna miss out on all the action.

What action?

Come on. With the exception of Danielle,

Manchester Prep's a virtual whorehouse.

As the school motto goes,

"If you don't snort it, suck it."

Mmm, careful.

He splooged.

You won't have to worry about that since you'll be dating the headmaster's daughter.

No. Guess not.

See you on campus. Ring toss.

Score!

Yes!

Thanks for, uh, you know, sharing.

Here, sis, I'll dry you off. Thanks.

Shit!

Breakfast was late, my skirt is mussed, and I needed the car last night.

I'm sorry, Miss Merteuil. It's just... No excuses!

Just because my mother is out of town does not mean you can slack off.

Each lapse, each oversight will be reported.

Good, you haven't left.

What's this? Saddam addressing the troops?

Allow me, sir. No, it's all right, Henry.

There, there, sir. Pay close attention. The perfect Windsor is an art.

- Rough night last night? - Yeah. I think there was a pea under my mattress.

I'll look into it. No, Henry, no. It was great. It was a ten.

- Can we go now, or do we send Kapoor in our place?

I almost forgot. Here are your allowances.

What's this? Annual? Semiannual?

Weekly, of course.

This is amazing! It's the leftovers, sir. It's what I call mad money.

Yeah. Mad.

Unless you use it to make someone happy.

For the Windsor, and the advice.

Oh, thank you, sir! Thank you very much. Very kind.

Tutor me in French? Tutor me in French?

Tu... Danielle! Oh, my gosh, am I glad I found you.

I am flunking French, like D-minus.

Have you been studying? Of course! I study like crazy.

But it's just like it goes in one hole and out the other.

I wish I could help you. You can. You can tutor me.

Mom said I can pay you, unless that's like too totally insulting,

because, we've got money and you're the headmaster's daughter,

and headmasters make like zilch.

Thanks.

Tutor me. Please, please! I'll pay $200 an hour. Two hundred dollars!

Stop. Of course I'll tutor you. The money doesn't matter.

Going rate will be fine. God, why does everything have to be about money?

'Cause it's cool.

You hear a phone? Yeah. Oh, wait!

Sounds like it's coming from here. I don't have a phone.

You do now. "Answer me."

Oh, my God! It's so cool. Is it your birthday or something?

- Hello? - Do you like the phone?

I might, if it comes with an explanation.

It does, actually. I think I may have real feelings for you.

It's Sebastian Valmont, isn't it? Just a second, okay?

- Sorry? - Not you. Her.

- Who's "her"? - Look, I can't do this from a phone.

But it's a good phone. Digital.

Where are you? You can't be too far.

Look down.

Oh, it is Sebastian Valmont!

Don't move. I'm coming down there.

Move, Einstein. Sebastian?

Where are you?

Close your eyes. Why?

Trust me. Close your eyes. I'll look silly.

Close them now.

Sebastian.

Danielle, wait!

It's like they say. The best laid plans sometimes suck.

Miss Merteuil.

But I'm excused from gym.

Gym, yes. Ballet, no.

Well, there must be something I can do to change your mind.

I think you've got the wrong guy.

Now get your ass to ballet.

Mr. Erwick. Mmm!

I was very clear. If anything was going to continue between us,

you had to keep me out of gym and ballet.

I can't do anything. All right?

Hargrove called me into his office. He's suspicious. I could hear it in his voice.

And why do you think that is? Well, I'm not sure.

The Disciplinary Committee, of course.

You stuttered and stammered like a completely whipped fool,

and then when you voted, it was obvious you voted the way I wanted you to.

But... that's how you did want me to vote!

Oh, my God. I'm a mess. You're always one step ahead of me.

I don't know what to do anymore. It's a dirty old man's Catch-22.

Shut up, Steve. Get control of yourself.

I can't! I'm falling apart.

My wife doesn't turn me on anymore. My kids hate me.

I should just quit! Stop blubbering. I'll go to gym and ballet.

You will? The excuse slips were just a test.

The day will come when I'll need you for a favor, a big favor.

And you'll do it without question. Capisce?

Of course.

I worship you, Kathryn.

Worship works best on your knees, Steve.

Oh, Kathryn.

Oh, Kathryn.

Please be quiet. I'm trying to imagine I'm with someone attractive.

Sorry.

Hello!

Anybody! Hello!

My God, she is terrible.Bitch.

If it's so bad here, why don't you guys quit?

It's steady employment, sir.

This is a good address. We could be down in the Fifties.

Or worse. Scarsdale. Ooh!

Ladies there make me crazy! All the time sending me to the market looking for gefilte.

My father fisherman for 20 years, he never caught one gefilte.

What is a gefilte?

Three kings.

- Man! - That beats by two pairs.

- I got clipped. - Full house, jacks over threes.

You win again, Master Sebastian.

Henry, I really wish you'd quit with the "master" thing.

But sir, it's your title. It shows privilege.

What has it gotten me? I poured all my money into gifts and didn't get the girl.

Danielle hates my wealth. Resents it or something.

Perhaps it's not my place to speak, sir...

No, Henry, please. I'm desperate here.

Maybe she doesn't want to feel like she's being bought.

You think that's it? I don't know. Women are complicated creatures.

It's been my experience that women are more interested...

in the soul of a man than in his trappings.

What is going on around here?

I had to ring and ring. And where were you, Frederick?

I paged you four times. I had to take a cab. A cab!

- Ahh. - I'm sorry. We...

Get out of here, all of you.

And you can be damn sure my mother's going to hear about this.

- No, she won't. - What did you say?

You're not telling anybody.

This was my idea. I ordered them to play cards.

And to drink mother's prized 1939 Neuf Du Pape?

Great year. Blitzkrieg, wasn't it?

Don't get smart.

Whether you realize it or not, you're still a guest in this house.

You treat these people like dirt. It's no wonder they don't respect you.

We pay them for their service, not their respect.

Someday you'll learn that.

And one day you'll realize that they're human beings.

Give me a second here.

Party's over.

I don't get it.

Look, if you hate your mother so much,

why work so hard to be just like her?

Is that what you think I'm doing? Well...

you're obviously trying to prove something to someone.

No one's this mean unless... unless there's a whole bunch of pain and suffering behind it.

You think you have it so tough having to come into this strange house with strange people.

Try growing up here. Try spending every moment of your life...

just making up for just... being here.

That doesn't make any sense. No, it doesn't, does it?

You feel out of place? You want to fit in? Guess what? So do I.

Whew, what a mess.

Hello. Sebastian, it's Cherie.

News flash. Danielle is totally, madly in love with you.

Madly in love with me? She hates me.

Every move I make is the wrong move. But she told me stuff.

Every time she thinks about you, every time she sees you she gets all moist.

Moist?

- Her eyes! She gets tears in them. - Oh.

But time's running out. You gotta move now.

She'll be in the city tonight. Dinner with her favorite aunt at the Riverside Café.

I figure if you go there, bare your soul...

No gifts though. She hates that money thing. Hello?

Sebastian? Hello?

Closet street performer. Now you know all my secrets.

How did you know I was here?

Nope. Already know. Cherie, the blabbermouth.

Weird girl, but if you get beyond all the "totallys" and "Oh, my God's,"

there's real truth there.

I have to catch my train. Let me come. I'll make sure you get home all right.

You can come as far as the station, and only if you can do it without talking.

Not another word. That's my condition.

Condition accepted.

All right, stop. I give up.

We can talk. Stop playing that thing.

I think this is the most romantic city on Earth.

Millions of strangers meeting in restaurants, parks, sidewalks.

A romance born every five seconds, every heartbeat.

I mean, God, is this a great city or what?

This is exactly what I'm talking about. You spout B.S. on a continuous basis.

- Only because I can't say what I really want to say. - Say it!

Okay. I want to know what happened at school in the courtyard.

I kissed you and you ran off.

I'm crazy about you! I'm trying everything I can to make you like me.

Be yourself, be honest. Why is that so difficult?

I don't know. Maybe I'm scared.

I'm new here. New to this city, new at school,

living in a house of certifiable wackos.

I don't have any friends.

At least any I can trust.

And I'm confused.

God's honest truth, I'm in a state of perpetual confusion.

So what are you scared of?

Missing my train. See you at school.

Bye.

Danielle!

As you know, your mother gets home tonight.

And you want me to keep quiet about the poker game.

I don't like these ideas Sebastian's putting in your head.

I mean no disrespect. Well, I'm offended. Leave.

I'll finish alone.

Min Lin, wait.

What do you say you and I get to know each other like you did with Sebastian?

- Do I have to? - Come on, it'll be fun.

Here.

I'll jump right in.

Where are you from? China? Japan? Cambodia, actually.

Cambodia. Wonderful country. When did you come to our United States?

My family fled through Vietnam.

Ultimately we were 120 crammed into a boat the size of your pantry.

Oh, my gosh! That reminds of this time in Denver.

We were coming home from Aspen. First-class lounge was packed. We almost had to fly coach.

Anyway, your family fled the Khmer Rouge?

Nothing subtle about that shade of rouge.

See, we do have a lot in common.

Would there be anything else, Miss Kathryn?

No, that's all.

I'm glad we did this. Aren't you?

Oh, yes. Very enlightening.

Bitch.

You got your pronouns mixed up. Nousis we, vous is you.

Unless it's someone you're crazy, madly in love with.

In which case it's tu, as in you and Sebastian.

That thing with the phone, so cool!

If it had been me and some guy, I would've piddled right there on the spot.

- Did I show you my doodle? - Excuse me?

My doodle. My sketch. Oh.

Wow!

You've got some talent, Cherie. Just tell me.

Do you really like him?

Is it the real thing? Like I know what that is.

Knees go weak. Mouth goes dry.

You get that tingling feeling in that special place.

He's just so slick, so sure of himself.

I have trouble trusting him.

He can't just come out and talk, say what he's really feeling.

Neither can I.

Okay, chapter three.

Read the translation of the first passage.

"Love is a sublime melting pot in which men and women are fused together.

The lover is a priest, the ravished virgin, a trembling sacrifice."

A priest and a virgin?

That's sick!

Move. Move.

Move. Move.

- Hi, Mr. Nago! - Hello, ladies.

I make a special eel and cuke roll today.

Mmmm.

It's so sad about Mr. Washington.

I mean, the fact that they found a dead rat in that student's Sloppy Joe.

He'll never work again.

- You never told us how it went with Cherie. - Did you bury her?

Let's just say she's on her way to ruin.

Kathryn! Everything's set for this weekend!

- What are you talking about? - Uh, duh!

I told my mom how much fun we had. She invited you and your mom to our house for lattes.

Your mom told my mom you can sleep over.

I got the new Hanson album. I gotta go.

Gordon Anderson promised he'd show me his one-eyed snake.

- Whatever that is.

Okay, see ya. Bria, hola.

Wow, Kathryn, you really showed her.

Don't talk. Don't say a word.

It's my turn to explain.

All I've done is hound you about being honest...

when I couldn't do it myself.

That kiss in the courtyard, Sebastian, it was more than just a kiss.

I'll say. Let me finish.

You see, it was my first kiss.

I wanted it to be perfect and right, and with the right boy.

And while you might have been the right boy, the rest was totally not right.

God, I embarrassed you. I embarrassed myself.

Because I know you're used to girls with all this experience.

You've probably been kissing girls forever. That's what I was afraid to tell you.

Hey.

I think this is wonderful.

So you weren't up-front and honest. Join the club.

I wanted it to be perfect, not the tail end of some prank.

Does that make any sense? Yeah.

Some things can't be orchestrated.

Some things have to be spontaneous... like a kiss.

Like the kiss we're about to have right now.

Say something... quick.

I-I can't.

I have to go. Last bell.

Okay, but...

just back away so I know you're not running away.

That was wonderful.

Just precious.

How long were you there?

"I've never kissed a boy before. I mean, the right boy.

You've been kissing girls forever."

You must feel like a terrible dope, leading on that poor, lovesick girl.

You don't know what you're talking about. Here's a prediction.

A few weeks of hand-holding and smooching,

you'll be bored and horny, you'll mess the thing up.

Of course, I could wipe her off the map tomorrow,

but I think I'll let this romance flicker out on its own.

I like the girl a lot. Do anything to screw it up, and I'll screw you up.

Nobody ever threatens me.

I just did, or weren't you listening?

You do realize this means war. Then war it is.

Lovely.

I feel badly for you, but Byron needs 00.

You'll have to reschedule your daughter's birthday.

I want him saddled and ready to ride when I arrive. Don't keep me waiting.

Idiot.

There's a new student at Manchester. Cherie Claymon.

Did she die?

I take it you don't like her. I can't stand her.

She's actually very sweet, so I'm turning her into the school slut.

- She's now your new best friend. - Why?

Don't tell me you're hitting up the Claymons for a donation to Manchester.

Sorry, Mother. I think it's an excellent idea.

The Claymons will be 00.You invited them here?

Mother, they're from California.

Kathryn, I need this.

Just 20 million more and we can break ground on the Tiffany Merteuil Library.

Well, you ladies seem to be enjoying yourselves.

You must be tense, Sebastian.

You'd be too if you were failing gym.

Whoever heard of fencing as a sport?

Perhaps a massage would help.

I've never had a massage before.

You can have my table. I'm suddenly not in the mood.

- Tack sa myckesh. - "Mycket"not "myckesh."

If you're not going to say it correctly, don't say it at all.

It just makes you look foolish.

Thank you for the correction, Mother.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

I think I could get used to this.

Hi.

Dead puppies, dead puppies, dead puppies, dead puppies.

Old nuns in their underwear.

I thought you'd left. Is that Sonja or Ingrid?

It's Tiffany. I hope you enjoyed your massage.

I think I'll take a shower.

We've had so little time together, Sebastian.

Can't be a happy family if we don't get to know each other better.

You're right, Mom. We should talk more, Mom.

With your father working on the yacht so much, I'll have plenty of time for you.

Some nights he doesn't even come home.

He loves that yacht.

I'm glad he found something he's so committed to.

Well, the right woman will do that.

-You think I'm the right woman? -Definitely. He's a changed man.

Of course he's changed. Without me...

he'd still be in Miami giving charters to geriatrics.

It's not the money, it's you. He loves you.

You're a smart boy, Sebastian. You understand your father very well.

I hope so.

So do I, because if you're wrong, you're both going to end up on the street.

She spanked me.

Oh! Oh, baby.

That feels so good. You like that, huh?

Dad, you here?

Fuck! Fuck!

But Edward! Fuck! Fuck!

Hey, son, how's it going?

- Bed already? - Oh, just a catnap.

What are you doing?

Oh, I'm just... looking for the cat.

Here, puss, puss, puss. Sebastian,

I hope you're not suggesting I'm having an affair.

I'm not suggesting anything. I'm your father,

and I will not be treated like a criminal.

Criminal?

Ahh.

You could've fooled me.

And behind door number three we have...

Hello. Sebastian, I'd like you to meet Lilly,

my... first mate.

Lilly, I'm Sebastian, Edward's son.

Oh, my God. You have your father's eyes. Are you a Libra?

Let's just cut right to the chase, shall we?

He offered to sail you around the world, didn't he? How did you know?

Leave right now or you're grounded for a week.

- He tell you he was married? - I was going to. I was waiting for the right time.

You lied to me?

More an error of omission. She's very sick.

I may be single any day now.

Go to hell!

Sebastian, you think you could help me out here?

Okay, okay. I know we talked about this.

But you're a man and you have to understand... No.

You have to understand. It's not just your life anymore.

It's mine too. Don't screw it up for me.

Absolutely. You can count on me, son. The keys, please.

You know, you made your bed. Now lie in it.

Sebastian! Sebastian!

Sebastian.

Well, this sucks.

I can't believe I was so stupid.

I really thought your dad liked me. It's not your fault.

He's the master of deceit. He should be in the Pathological Liars Hall of Fame.

He's in the Hall of Fame? Never mind.

Can I ask you something? Why are men such jerks?

Is it genetic or something?

They promise you the world, you're the one for them, and that their wives...

don't understand them anymore.

I fall for it every time!

I'm like a doormat. They're always coming and going.

And coming and going, and coming and...

My life sucks.

Lilly, you don't need a man to be happy.

If you're not happy alone, you're not gonna be happy with someone else.

You're a very attractive woman. You could have anyone you want.

You just have to wait for the right guy to come along.

You think I'm attractive? You're beautiful.

You're so sincere. You're not like your father at all.

Okay. Glad you were paying attention.

You wanna come back to my place?

I'd love to, but I have an oral report due in the morning.

Oh, I'm great at orals.

Yeah. Try me.

No, thank you. I'm gonna split. You gonna be okay?

Yeah, I'll be fine.

Psycho.

Oh, Sebastian...

I lived in Fresno my whole life. Les too.

But we wanted more for Cherie. So when Les sold the biz,

we decided to move to the Big Apple.

- How are you finding Manchester? - It's no problem. Our driver takes me right there.

She's asking you if you like it, honey.

Yeah, it's the best. And Kathryn's been, like, so super nice.

Some girls told me to stay away from her, like she had permanent P.M.S. or something.

Eew, gross. But she's been totally awesome.

I can tell she's going to be very popular.

- I won't be as popular as you. - Popular is such a bore.

The important thing is school spirit, and nobody has as much as my mother.

I do a little work for the school fund-raising committee.

You are so modest.

Mother's already raised half the money needed for the new school library.

How much money have you raised?

She barely has to do anything. The parents practically throw it at her.

- Kathryn. - Why do they throw money at you?

Because charity is smiled upon by the ladies who lunch.

Society, Cherie. The social ladder.

Oh, yeah. My Mom said now that we're rich, we gotta start climbing that thing.

Ow! What? Isn't she precious?

Would you excuse me? Certainly.

Pardon me.

So, how much money do you need?

Oh, I didn't invite you here to discuss fund-raising, Bunny.

But if you'd care to make a donation, we'd certainly consider it.

Really? Why, thank you.

My pleasure.

Oh, hi, honey. How was your day? I can explain this.

There's no need to explain. I know you love my mother very much.

Yes, exactly. And Sebastian and I are just getting close.

I know you'd never do anything to break up our happy home.

Oh, no, never. So let's make sure it stays happy.

I want you to take Mother to Au Troquet for dinner tomorrow night.

00 At 8:45 an accordion player will pass your table.

When he does, request "Under My Thumb" by the Rolling Stones.

Mick Jagger makes Mother all hot and bothered.Jagger. Got it.

Slip this on her finger, then kiss her. Eight seconds, no tongue.

Are you getting this? After dinner, grappa, one glass.

Then bring her home, make love to her. Two Viagra. Any questions?

Just in case, I've written it all down for you.

Now, who's your favorite daughter? You are.

What a shame.

Morning!

- Great day, isn't it? - Bite me, rich boy!

Ah, New York. A wonderful town.

You look fabulous! Thank you.

Got everything? You're all set? Yeah.

You better take some money in case you need a cab, if you miss the train.

Don't worry, Dad. I'll be fine. This is my job, to worry.

What's wrong? Nothing. I...

I'm just sad about your mom. Go on, have a good time.

Okay. Bye.Bye.

Sebastian thought you'd like it better than the train.

Wow.

I am so excited, but I'm kind of nervous.

I've never been on a horse.

Don't worry. I won't let anything bad happen to you.

If I like it, I'll have Daddy buy me a horse. We can spend every weekend together.

You'll love it, I promise.

Ow.

Very good, Cherie.

Back on the horse now. I think we're ready to try advanced jumping.

I don't know. He keeps throwing me off.

All right.

If you're going to be a scaredy-cat, I guess we'd better go back to the basics.

Manuela.

Arriba. Andale.

Nice horsey.

Okay.

Now, using the stirrups, I want you to push up and down in the saddle.

That's called posting. Now we need to add the back and forth motion.

When you hit the saddle, push backward then forward.

Up and down, back and forth.

Faster, faster.

Up and down, back and forth. Faster, faster.

Up and down, back and forth.

Faster, faster.

Up and down, back and forth. Faster, faster.

Up and down, back and forth. Faster, faster.

Up and down, back and forth. Faster, faster.

Good. This time I want you to really grind into the saddle.

Okay. Up and down, back and forth.

Faster. Faster, faster.

Up and down, back and forth. Faster, faster.

- How does that feel? - Up and down. I think I'm getting it.

Posting is fun. Faster, faster.

Faster, faster, Faster, faster.

Really fun. Faster, faster.

Are you okay?

Yeah. I've never felt better.

Now I know why girls like horses.

Wait.

I don't know if I'm ready for this.

It's cool. I'm sorry.

It's just that yesterday was my first kiss.

Now you're practically touching my breast.

At this rate, your dick will be in my mouth by lunch. Anyone for lunch?

I'm kidding.

Listen, Danielle, we can take this as slow as you want.

I like you. I have no need to rush things. That's not my problem.

I wanna rush things. I'm tired of being the only virgin of the sophomore class.

Are you telling me that... that everyone in the sophomore class has done it?

It sure feels like it.

I don't know. Ever feel like you're at war with yourself?

Constantly.

I mean, there's one side of me that wants you to throw me down...

right here and rip my clothes off.

And then there's this other side of me that thinks I should wait till I'm married.

Which side should I choose? You really want me to answer that?

Be my friend.

Listen, Danielle, I know exactly what you're going through.

We all have two sides. I struggle with my dark side every day.

That was the old me.

Believe it or not, I have you to thank for it.

You showed me that it was okay to be a decent person.

How dark was your past?

Pitch black.

Uh, I'm thinking...

I think I'm falling in love with you.

But I'm afraid to take the chance to get hurt.

I'm afraid of getting hurt too.

Let's make a pact.

We'll take it slow and we won't hurt each other.

God, we sound like a canceled television series.

You don't have to do this.

I want to.

Hello?

Hi, Daddy. I know, I'm running late.

Tell Aunt Gloria 00 Mass.

Yeah, I'll call you when I get there. I love you too.

You gotta go? It's okay.Sorry.

Call me later? Sure.

Toodles! Bye, bye.

Oh, my balls.

Here's something you might like.Dolce.

How '98 of you. Do you carry any real fur?

No, all of our fur is faux.

Of course. The animals. How silly of me.

I figured you'd be here.

What's up? It's about Sebastian.

- Give me the dirt. - Your stepbrother has quite the checkered past.

I mean, the fact that he was able to pay off that overnight delivery guy...

and switch his school file.

That's impressive, even by my standards.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg. Well done.

Cash or charge?

I'll be there in an hour.

Sounds great. The new James Van Der Beek film is playing in town.

Perfect. You sure your dad won't mind?

No, he's out of town for the night. It's just me and Mr. Whiskers.

Mr. Whiskers? My pussy, silly.

Oh.

I'll see you soon. Bye.

The school virgin's home alone with her pussy, and I'm taking her to see Dawson.

God, I've become a total fag!

I guess I misjudged you.

What are you talking about?

- How'd you get this? - I have my ways.

- I'm trying to start over... - Oh, blah, blah, blah. Please.

Spare me any sob stories.

Oh, dear. I guess something like this...

could destroy your squeaky clean reputation at Manchester.

And that school psychologist's report about your mom. It's too bad.

But how will she pay for rehab when I tell my mommy where some of her money's going?

You're playing with fire.

Poor Sebastian's mom is gonna be homeless and eating out of the garbage.

You don't know what I'm capable of.

Yes, I do. I read your file.

It turns me on.

Fuck off! Going to see Danielle?

Leave her out of it! Ooh.

Looks like we've hit a sensitive spot.

Do you really think you can change, Sebastian?

Face it. You and I are two of a kind.

We're just not cut out for good deeds.

I know the drill.

You'll date Danielle. Probably sleep with her after, what?

You think eight months?

And then you'll get bored and you'll break her heart.

Why don't you just spare her the pain?

And do what? Date you?

We could make a good team.

What do you plan on doing with my file?

Do I sense a merger in the air? Perhaps.

You do realize you're my stepsister.

You know what they say about incest.

Is there any line you won't cross?

Only one. Never in the butt.

That's a good line.

The Brady's never had it so good.

I can't do this. Not with your pants on.

I gotta go. You fucking pussy!

- I gotta get out of this house. - Is this about Danielle?

You don't understand. I love her.

You have a funny way of showing it.

Fuck you. I'm not gonna let you corrupt me.

- You can't change. - I can try.

You're gonna die trying.

Hello?

Hello. Danielle?

Danielle.

Danielle!

Danielle.

Danielle!

Sebastian, you're soaking. We have to talk.

Come inside before you give yourself pneumonia.

Here.

Thanks.

What's wrong?

I don't know. It's...

It's okay. You can talk to me. Go slow.

It's just...

I feel like I'm losing it. I gotta get out of New York, get out of school.

It's Kathryn, isn't it?

I don't think I can beat her.

Sebastian, do you believe in a higher power? Yeah.

Do you believe that love conquers all? Yes.

Do you believe in our love? Yeah. It's the only thing keeping me together.

So you believe in our love? Yes, I believe in our love.

'Cause I sure as hell don't.

What?

Fucking idiot.

Bravo.

I told you I could do it.

I should never have doubted you.

But... Don't tell me you bought...

that virgin bullshit? No, I saw you. You were with your dad.

What he doesn't know can't hurt him. I am the headmaster's daughter.

Daddy's little angel must keep up appearances.

Holy fuck!

Don't be such a baby!

You didn't really think you were gonna win, did you? You're welcome to join us.

You know what they say.

Two's company, three's a fuck load of fun.

Well, if you can't beat 'em... Who says you can't beat 'em?

Share and share alike.

♪ Just an ordinary day ♪

♪ A bit of sun Some clouds ♪

Sebastian, now you'll have something to write about.

Danielle.

♪♪♪

Herzog.

- Oh, shit!

Ow.

Are you okay? I'm fine.

You really should try to be more careful. Thank you.

- Oh, my bike! - Could we offer you a ride home?

My mom said I'm not allowed to take rides from strangers.

Oh, it's you. I was just going to Danielle's house.

I'll take care of the bike.

Oh, my God. Thank you so much.

I owe you huge. No problem.

It's Debbie, right? No, Cherie.

Whatever.

Debbie, has anyone ever told you you could be a model?

Really? Yeah.

It's too bad you're not sexy. Bull! I can be sexy.

Really? All right.

Show me sexy.

Oh, yeah. Very sexy.

Ah. Oh that's my special place.

Holy shit! ♪ Now that I met you, girl It's more than just a chance ♪

♪ Together we can make it happen ♪

♪ Together, together Together, together ♪

♪ Together, together Together, together ♪♪♪

Oh! Oh, mercy! Mercy!

♪ Walk in slowly now ♪

♪ I will show you just how ♪

♪ There are times that we all are connected ♪

♪ There's no time to waste ♪

♪ Don't you dare hesitate ♪

♪ There are times when it's always reflected ♪

♪ It's the last good time ♪

♪ It's the last good time ♪

♪ It's the last good time ♪

♪ It's the last good time ♪

♪ Good-bye, good-bye Good-bye ♪

♪ Good-bye, good-bye Good-bye ♪

♪ Take a walk with me ♪

♪ We see things differently ♪

♪ And it won't be what you expected ♪

♪ There's no time no more ♪

♪ Don't you open the door ♪

♪ 'Cause things are just what is reflected ♪

♪ It's the last good time ♪ ♪ That you're going to know ♪

♪ It's the last good time ♪ ♪ Yes, you think that it's so ♪

♪ It's the last good time ♪ ♪ That you're going to know ♪

♪ It's the last good time ♪ ♪ Yes, you think that it's so ♪

♪ Good-bye, good-bye Good-bye ♪

♪ Good-bye, good-bye Good-bye ♪

♪♪♪

♪ It's the last good time ♪ ♪ That you're going to know ♪

♪ It's the last good time ♪ ♪ Yes, you think that it's so ♪

♪ It's the last good time ♪ ♪ That you're going to know ♪

♪ It's the last good time ♪ ♪ Yes, you know that it's so ♪

♪ Good-bye, good-bye Good-bye ♪

♪ Good-bye, good-bye Good-bye ♪

♪ Good-bye, good-bye Good-bye ♪

♪ Good-bye, good-bye Good-bye ♪♪♪