Original subtitles

Two options.

I'm going to try and find a third for you.

I know I had a third. Maybe we sold it.

I hope we sold it. That would have been nice.

That's right, sir.

In terms of men's watches, I mean, that bezel is too small to be a

man's.

Yes,

sir. What in the hell?

I mean, some of the things that come in here, you'll be surprised.

How we doing, ma 'am?

Sir,

I'm actually going to pawn you off to my associate here. He's the watch guy.

How we doing, ma 'am?

Oh,

I'm doing great. No complaints here.

All right.

I thought it was a canoe at first.

Oh, no, it's a kayak.

So, what can you give me for it?

Straight to business, eh?

Yeah. Well, I mean. I'm kind of in a hurry, so.

In a hurry. Well, hey, you can't rush good business, that's for sure.

Let me take a look at it.

All right.

It's quite dirty.

So, it's being used. I know that much.

You look like a hippie. Do you live on that thing?

I mean, like I said, let me take a look at it, and then I'll give you a proper

assessment.

She's light, eh?

Yeah, pretty light.

This one of them sport models?

Yeah.

How do you even use this thing? I don't even know.

Do you stand up on it?

No, you sit in it. You sit in it, huh?

Yeah.

I don't know.

Knock, knock.

Come on.

Play the game. Knock, knock.

Squirt.

All right. So why are you selling it?

I just really need the money.

I don't want this old man to trip and break a hip. You know what I mean?

All right. So you need the money. Yeah.

How much were you looking to get out of it?

$500? Come on, now.

Does that come with an or, too?

Yeah, of course it comes with an or. Speaking of which, why are you still

holding?

Well, like I said, I was kind of in a hurry to get it early.

So,

yeah, $500.

That's tough. That's a high number.

I'm taking it lower than that. I need more information on it. When did you get

it? Where did you get it? Why are you selling it? You bought it for $600. Come

on, now.

Will you go to one of those 30 % over market price places?

I can't do five for it, that's for sure.

Okay,

well, I have to not do five, all right? I need to do, like, two.

What do you need five? Why are you so persistent on five?

I'll give you $5. That's fine.

It's got to be a bit more than $5 there.

So, I mean, why is the five so firm?

Because I just, I really need the money. My van is like impounded right now. It

got towed. I just, I need to get my van out. Your van? So how the hell did you

get this here?

I, uh, I hitchhiked.

From where?

What in the hell?

Well, it's spring break this time, ain't it?

It's a beautiful time to be on the river. I got a lot of memories out

know, I used to go there all the time when I was a kid.

I used to go quite a bit. My papi pretty much raised me on the river.

I have to do five.

Five is way too much. Well, I'm going to have to go to another shop then.

What, are you going to hitchhike to another shop?

John's Pawn is way on the other side of town.

Well, I need to do five.

I don't get it. Hold on. Can we work something out?

You said your car got towed? A car being towed is not $500 to get out of the

impact. There's bail, too.

There's what now?

Bail.

Bail? Bail.

Like bales of hay?

Okay, hold on. So you're trying to bail somebody out. That's why you need $500.

Yeah.

Who are you trying to bail out?

What's going on here?

My boyfriend's a moron.

We were partying. He mixed some drinks, and when he mixes, it just gets bad.

We parked the car illegally, and he came out right as they were towing it. Did

he hit you?

Is that why he's in jail?

No.

He doesn't sound like a good guy. What type of guy is this guy? Well, he's

definitely not tough enough to be in jail. I'm a little bit worried about

He's usually nice. It's just when he mixes, it gets bad. Shit, if he ain't

enough to be in jail, how long has he been in there?

About two hours, I think. So this is fresh. This just happened. He's still

drunk. Are you still drunk? Oh, I don't drink.

Why don't you drink?

You've got to wait three years to drink.

So did you guys get arrested on the kayak?

I'm actually very interested in the story now. Not on the kayak, no.

Actually, when the cops showed up to deal with the towing situation, they

nice enough to let me take it off the car.

So, I mean, that's why it's here now. But I'm more worried about him. Well,

were you going to do with the kayak? Just paddle on down the river until you

the end? I don't get it.

Why'd they let you take it off the truck?

So I could pawn it for, you know.

Oh, you had enough foresight to take the kayak off your van while it's getting

towed and your boyfriend's being arrested to pawn it to bail him out?

Yeah. Well, like I said, I don't drink, so, you know, a little more mental.

Well, goddamn.

Sounds like you're up Ship's Creek, but with a paddle.

You think ahead. I like that.

I really don't understand where you're going to go. I mean, I don't even know

how you get, how'd you get, you hitchhiked with this thing?

I need to do five.

Are we going to do five or not?

Well, now I'm thinking ahead.

You said you're on, you said you're on spring break, right?

I mean, hell, I mean, where'd you guys come in from?

About three hours away. We're from the city.

So why don't you just have his parents come get him out?

Right, three more hours in jail. That would be rough, especially if he's a

softie like you said.

Yeah, so I'm really in a hurry here. All right, all right, all right, all right.

I'll level with you. I'll level with you here.

I'm thinking I could do tops.

Tops, I could do $300.

But even at that, you know, I'm only going to sell it. I've got to sell it,

which I'm maybe going to make $100 profit.

And that's if it's in good enough condition.

And from what I'm looking at, I can't do five. So what I mean,

I'd like to take a good look and check out the Integrity.

We have to work something out because it has to be 5.

I can't.

Why don't we bring this to my office where I've got a monocle.

Why do you need to go to your office?

Well, I want to check the seals.

I want to make sure that all your plugs are... Nah, I mean, I've got customers.

And like I said, I've got all my tools back there.

So, yeah, if you'll help me just load it.

Actually, you know what?

I think I can carry it. Just carry the oar. I mean the oar.

Shit.

Careful. I got it. Don't worry.

I got it.

You can only do three because you dinged it up. It's fine.

So you better be careful.

It sounds like there's water in here.

I want to take a better look at it.

No, I'm not. Don't worry about me.

Take good care of the stuff.

Oh, yeah.

the computer now or else you'll be paying me fine all right

looks like we got the standard

one person kai what the hell were you and your boyfriend gonna do on this

together we were gonna go floating down the river what is with you in that panel

I guess.

All right, now.

Sounds like there's water in there.

Well, yeah, we just came from the river.

Did you even get to go in, or did you get arrested before you got in?

Oh, we went in. We went in. It's when we got back that we got towed.

Damn.

All right.

And y 'all both fit in there?

Yeah.

I'm pretty small, so... So what do you think?

Oh, yeah.

Look at that.

Look at that.

Let me get in the paddle.

You know what I'm saying?

How am I doing?

Am I ready for the pro circuit?

It's looking pretty good, but we've got to decide on a price for this thing

here. So is this a one -person or a two -person?

It's a two -person.

It's small for a two -person.

It really only comfortably fits one person, but I think he could sell it as

two -person.

So you and your boyfriend ripped down a river in this thing together?

Yeah. All right, well, come on up.

What do you mean, come on up? Come on up.

No, I think I'm going to...

Stay right here. Nah, we need to verify this whole two -person deal, because

this thing is tiny.

Nah, I'd be able to get a little bit more money out of it if it's two

Fine.

Just don't, just fucking keep your hands off me.

Hey, watch your language.

Watch your fucking mouth.

Hey, there we go.

Alright. Two -person. Very nice.

I like it.

Wanna roll my panel?

Your turn.

I'm just gonna hold on.

Uh, no, I'm kinda, I'm in a hurry right now. We gotta, we need to wrap this up.

Like, are you gonna buy the kayak or, or not?

Yeah, I mean, I'd love to buy it for 300.

Sounds great.

Okay, but I need five.

That's what I've been saying this whole time.

500's steep.

Um...

I'm trying to think, you know, I don't know.

How long, uh, how much longer has your boyfriend got in jail?

I don't know. I don't know how long they can hold him, but he's already been in

there for, like, two hours. It's too long. I mean, I gotta go.

So, are you buying the kayak?

Yeah, for $300, I'll take it.

No, no. Put me back on, uh, my youth days on the river.

But I need five, so what are we gonna...

So you need two more hundred dollars, eh?

Yeah.

That's what I've been saying.

Alright, well... This is what

I'm thinking.

Be careful with it.

I'm alright. Don't worry about me.

Well, I know you are, but the kayak... Go ahead.

Take a seat right up there.

Let's work something out.

Yeah, that chair's taken right now.

There she goes.

Alright now, you need $200, right?

Yeah.

Alright, so what I'm asking is, would your boyfriend do the same for you? Of

course he would do the same for me.

What do you think, he's just like an asshole or something?

I mean, you said he's pretty aggressive and all that.

But yet he's not tough enough to be in jail.

No, he's a sweetheart.

He's good to you?

Very good to me. Why are you asking me this?

Well, because I'm trying to figure out a way to come up with $200 more for you.

Yeah, and he deserves to get out of jail, so we need to come up with this

here.

So what do you think he's doing in jail right now?

Probably being miserable.

Hmm.

Alright. Well, you got $200 to make up.

Yeah. You want to get your boyfriend?

He's been in there for two hours already.

So what do you say you just give him 30 minutes of your time and you can get out

of here with $500?

I'm not sure what you're asking.

I'm going to just give you 30 minutes. It's like a conjugal visit. You know

I mean?

What?

Yeah, except you're going to get paid for this conjugal visit.

And I ain't in jail. Your boyfriend is, so.

No, I'm sorry. No.

That just doesn't, that doesn't work. I'm going to take my kayak and I'm going

to go.

You're going to lug it all the way back to the shop, back outside, back out to

the street, then the hitchhike back where?

You know what? You're a sick fuck. You know that?

Whoa, come on.

I'm in this predicament and you're fucking taking advantage of it. Oh, come

I can't do that. It's bad business right there.

What, but 500 for a kayak and a blowjob is good business?

Oh, I don't want a blowjob. I want a fuck.

Oh, okay.

So we're stepping it up a level then.

Um, no.

I don't really have any more bargaining chips. I mean, like I said, you walk out

of here with $500, and I'll even call you a cab to the local jail.

That way you don't need to hitchhike again.

Hell, your boyfriend will be out of jail in 30 minutes. He may not even have to

eat lunch there.

You know what I mean by eat lunch there.

Oh, my God.

Why don't you suck dick so he doesn't have to?

So, look, all I'm saying is why don't you get fucked so he doesn't have to?

All right? Like, I mean, think about it. It's 30 minutes. I don't think that's a

good exchange there.

I think it's perfect. Come on.

He said he's aggressive. He said he was drinking.

Like, now you don't need to call his parents. You get him out of jail real

quick.

I don't know. It just doesn't sound like a good deal to me.

It really doesn't. I just, you know, I'm not a prostitute.

I know that. I don't pay for sex.

Oh, no, it's not. I'll take a donation out of your sakes while paying a little

more higher price for this kayak.

Okay.

Your prosecution is illegal in this state.

I'm just going to have to go somewhere else. I don't know.

All right, that's fine.

But I've got to tell you, I've got a lot of computer work to do here, so I'm not

going to be able to lug it back out of my office, back through the shop, and

the front door just for you. So I have to carry this thing out by myself?

Yeah. Yeah, you're not really giving me a whole lot of options here. Oh, of

course I am. Come on.

Look, I'm going to lug this thing out of the shop and go God knows where

else. Oh, no, I want to buy it.

Or, you know, my poor boyfriend can sit in jail miserable for the next God knows

how long while I try to figure out how to come up with this money. You're not

being very fair right now. I mean, I get that. But at the same time, I don't

know your boyfriend, so I don't really care about him. I know you. You're cute.

I like to get with you, you know. I know you're not a prostitute.

And like I said, I don't really deal with prostitutes, right?

I deal with girls.

I'm going to level with you here.

I'm going to shoot it to you straight, all right?

Well, you've been shooting real straight so far. I know. I'm an honest guy.

I run a stand -up business here. You're honest. You're so honest.

I really am, man.

I do this quite often, all right?

Where young girls like yourself or just women in general.

or in a certain predicament, and I tend to help them out with their financial

needs. All right? You are disgusting.

I disagree.

I think I'm a renaissance man, honestly. Oh, oh.

I'm an innovator. You're so chivalrous. I agree.

No. It's a vestige of the last chivalrous gentleman.

No. I completely... You have a small girl in a predicament in your office.

And you're trying to get me to fuck you for money. I'm trying to take care of

you while taking care of you.

No. Think about your boyfriend. You love him, don't you?

Yes. You don't want him to find out about this.

No. He's not going to find out about it.

I think it's a wise decision. It's taking care of your man.

Oh, me sucking you off is going to be nice to my boyfriend. Absolutely. You're

getting him out of jail so he doesn't have to suck some guy off.

Come on. Like, you love your boyfriend, right?

Very much.

So come on.

Think about him.

I love my boyfriend and therefore I am not going to fuck you.

Okay?

For... I'm not... Oh, here.

Here's my last... Oh my God. Here's my last option. Can we just... This is my

last ditch effort.

Can you put that away, please?

your head right now.

I'm just trying to throw out a, you know, I'm going fishing right now.

Okay, you know what?

If I do this, you are not going to tell anybody.

Who the hell am I going to tell?

I mean, Jamal will know, but Jamal knows what I'm doing.

You're going to do $550 and you're going to call me a cat. Whoa, whoa, whoa,

whoa, whoa.

I'm going to do $500 and call you a cat.

Well, not yet I'm not happy.

I don't know.

I don't know. I just... This is a really horrible situation.

Oh, it's not that bad, ma 'am.

Not that bad. I didn't get your name, by the way. What's your name?

Oh, my God.

My name is Dolly, and I have your... Nice to meet you.

Hey, you just touched my penis.

No, I did not. Yeah, you did.

No, you touched my hand. Alright, are we going to do this or what?

I mean, I know you're in a rush, but shit, I'm trying to run a business here

too.

There you go.

There you go. I'll be your boyfriend for the next 30 minutes.

You'll be alright. You're in good hands.

Let me take my shoes off.

By the way, one more thing.

Part of the deal. No big deal. Keep going.

What the fuck?

What's that?

You said that no one was going to know.

And the fuck is that?

It's my little camcorder.

And how do I know you're not going to give that to somebody?

Well, who the hell am I going to give it to?

I don't know. Your friends? You're a fucking pervert.

What friends am I going to give you? I don't have any friends.

I work too much to have friends.

That's the only thing you've said today that I've believed.

Hey, don't be mean. Come on.

If I find this tape anywhere, you are going to get it.

Again? Sweet.

No.

Look at him on camera while you sit in my bed.

What's your boyfriend's name?

He's Jesse.

Jesse.

You can call me Jesse for the next 30 minutes if that makes you feel better.

I want you to suck that dick like it's going to pay you 200 bucks.

Better, because otherwise... Otherwise what?

Oh, yeah, there you go.

Yeah, look at me when you suck my dick.

Suck it with no hands.

That's pretty good.

You're gross. You don't know that.

I'm gross.

And why are you sucking my dick?

You could have said no.

Oh, I had so many options.

You definitely did.

What's the problem there?

I'm just choking on it. Choking on it?

Jesse ain't got a dick like that.

I need to talk to you about my boyfriend's cock size.

Alright.

Suit yourself.

Give me a little pigtail.

Oh shit.

Was I riding a horse?

Oh

yeah.

Oh yeah, there you go.

Lick the bean bags.

I bet you were just going to survive on the nuts out there anyway.

Look at me while you do that though

You having a good spring break?

There you go. You put your oar to good use there, Gilligan.

Oh, damn. There you go.

Do what they do on spring break. Flash them in the titties.

What are you talking about?

You.

I've been betting some time off.

I've got a nice little titties there.

I see them blue eyes. Yeah.

Yeah. Let me see you play with them, Dave.

All right, take off them shorts. All this fuck.

Earn that money, girl.

Hey, hey, hey, turn around when you do that.

Oh.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Shit.

Oh,

yeah.

strong.

for a month.

Thank you.

Oh, shit.

Oh, here they go. Right there.

Yee -haw!

East River Riding.

Oh shit.

Oh, yeah.

Oh yeah.

Oh, yeah

Mirror ride me down here.

Oh, shit.

Oh yeah.

there you go get your man out of jail

Oh shit.

Fuck yeah. You want me to come in your mouth? Yeah. Come all over your face.

Oh, shit, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, shit.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, god damn.

That was a nice stream for you to paddle down.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, shit.

Dang.

You must take real good care of Jesse.

Mm -hmm.

All right. Back to business.

So now I ain't got any cash to give you.

But here's what I'm going to do.

All right.

You don't mind getting dressed.

Well, what's your boyfriend's last name?

Jesse Jones.

All right. I know the bondsman down there.

I worked with him a few times, gave him a few loans, and, hell, they bailed me

out a couple times. So I'm going to go ahead and call down the county, get the

bail bondsman to release your boyfriend.

Hopefully he'll be out in a couple hours.

Sound good?

Yeah, as long as you follow through with it. Oh, don't worry. I'm going to do

it.

You better.

I know Steve down there. He runs the bonds down there.

In terms of a cab, I

guess I'll go ahead and call you one.

No, it's part of the deal.

It is part of the deal, so I'll do it.

purse and all that oh you're heading to

and the county so need right

that's the yellow camera here

You can have a seat if you want.

Thanks. No problem.

Hey, how's it going there?

Yeah, I need a cab for a pickup.

A young, red -haired lady?

Yeah, yeah.