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1
00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:20,960
You don't find it slightly ironic
that you of all people
2
00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:23,960
are making fun of somebody
for changing their appearance?
3
00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:25,960
Tom, you can have frosty tips
or a frosty personality.
4
00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:27,960
You can't have both
at the same time.
5
00:00:27,960 --> 00:00:29,960
Take your hat off.
Let's see it again.
6
00:00:29,960 --> 00:00:30,960
TOM SIGHS
7
00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:36,320
They're only supposed
to frost the tips.
8
00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:38,480
How am I supposed to know
where the tip ends?
9
00:00:38,480 --> 00:00:40,320
Spoken like every college boyfriend
ever.
10
00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:42,960
Millie.
11
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:43,960
Thomas.
12
00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:47,960
Wow. Erm...
13
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:49,960
you look like
a young Father Christmas.
14
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:51,960
Yeah?
Yes.
15
00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:56,000
Millie, Tom and I would love
to stay and make small talk,
16
00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:58,960
but I think that technically counts
as a hate crime,
17
00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:00,960
so we're gonna go, I reckon.
Oh, come on, now, Liv.
18
00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:02,960
I wouldn't have pegged you
for a grumpy guts. Ooh!
19
00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:04,960
THEY LAUGH
Yeah.
20
00:01:04,960 --> 00:01:07,800
Ha... Ah, you couldn't peg me
if your life depended on it.
21
00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:12,960
Hang on, Millie, have you been...?
Have you been working in the dark?
22
00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:14,960
I've only just turned the lights on.
23
00:01:14,960 --> 00:01:16,960
Yeah, I came in early
to get a head start on my list,
24
00:01:16,960 --> 00:01:18,640
but I couldn't find
the light switch.
25
00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:19,960
But then I was like,
"Well, I'm here now,
26
00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:21,960
"and these kiwis aren't
gonna move themselves."
27
00:01:21,960 --> 00:01:23,960
Except the ones that did.
28
00:01:23,960 --> 00:01:26,320
And I'm just realising now
those might have been rats.
29
00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:27,960
Right.
30
00:01:28,960 --> 00:01:30,960
Listen, er, Millie, erm...
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00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:34,000
Liv and I are actually done here
now, so I was, erm...
32
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:36,000
I was wondering if perhaps
you'd like to join me
33
00:01:36,000 --> 00:01:37,160
in getting a head start
34
00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:38,960
on reorganising
some of the breakfast cereals
35
00:01:38,960 --> 00:01:41,960
according to roughage content?
Ooh, you've read my mind.
36
00:01:41,960 --> 00:01:42,960
Yeah?
Yeah.
37
00:01:42,960 --> 00:01:45,960
Not really, though.
I was thinking about micro pigs.
38
00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:47,960
Micro pigs.
39
00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:50,160
We're just gonna go and chat
about micro pigs and...
40
00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:52,960
Please, tell me... Tell me more.
Oh, really?
41
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:54,960
Erm, yeah, let me grab this. So...
Yeah.
42
00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:56,960
..micro pigs are the kindest animals
to walk the planet.
43
00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:58,640
I've never...
44
00:01:58,640 --> 00:01:59,960
No, yeah, go on,
you can go without me.
45
00:01:59,960 --> 00:02:00,960
It's fine, I'll just, erm...
46
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:03,960
I'll just stay here and swivel
on a pair of barbecue tongs.
47
00:02:15,960 --> 00:02:17,960
STAFF CHATTER
48
00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:18,960
OK.
49
00:02:18,960 --> 00:02:20,960
Listen up, everyone.
Thank you very much.
50
00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:24,960
Er, we have a big health and safety
inspection coming up.
51
00:02:24,960 --> 00:02:29,960
Now, call me crazy, er, but I think
we can improve on this number,
52
00:02:29,960 --> 00:02:33,320
but only if we start
taking health and safety more...
53
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:34,960
Seriously!
54
00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:37,960
..seriously.
55
00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:41,160
Now, to that end, I thought
we could do a bit of role play.
56
00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:43,960
Ooh.
So, let's imagine for a second
57
00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:45,960
you're at the deli counter
cutting meat,
58
00:02:45,960 --> 00:02:49,640
and a... a guy, a simple guy,
nice guy, let's...
59
00:02:49,640 --> 00:02:53,960
let's call him Simon, approaches to
ask a very innocent question about,
60
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,960
oh, I don't know, bin rotas.
61
00:02:55,960 --> 00:02:56,960
In that situation,
62
00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:58,960
what shouldn't we do
with a butcher's knife?
63
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:00,960
What shouldn't we do
with a butcher's knife?
64
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:03,960
Beefy Linda?
65
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:06,960
Simon.
Beefy Linda?
66
00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:08,960
Beefy Linda?
67
00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:10,960
CHAIR SQUEAKS
68
00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:11,960
Beefy?
69
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:13,960
Simon.
Yeah! Beefy Linda.
70
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:15,960
Millie's got her hand up.
71
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:19,960
So she does, yeah. Yeah, go on.
72
00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:21,960
Don't panic or stab you in the eye.
73
00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:22,960
Sorry.
74
00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:25,480
Yeah, don't panic
or stab me in the eye
75
00:03:25,480 --> 00:03:27,960
with a butcher's knife
is the correct answer.
76
00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:29,960
Law of the jungle.
77
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,960
But it isn't a jungle, is it?
It's a supermarket.
78
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,960
I doubt we'd be selling
bloody fabric softener
79
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:37,000
in the Amazon, would we?
80
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:38,960
Well, not with that attitude, no.
81
00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:40,960
What? Unbelievable.
82
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:43,480
Now, the word "safety"...
God, that Millie.
83
00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:45,960
Who is that excited to come to work?
84
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:48,960
Willy Wonka isn't that excited...
Liv, shut up! I'm trying to listen.
85
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:50,960
I'm just saying
there's something very odd
86
00:03:50,960 --> 00:03:52,960
about somebody
who's that into this job.
87
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:55,960
So if you are sniffing around
that particular bush, if I were you,
88
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:56,960
I would leave that well alone.
89
00:03:56,960 --> 00:04:00,800
There's no bush sniffing, OK?
Millie and I aren't a thing.
90
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:02,480
And even if we were,
the only reason you'd care
91
00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:04,960
is you'd be jealous I'd have
a new friend to replace you with.
92
00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:05,960
Ha!
93
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:11,960
I was just laughing
at the thing you said.
94
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,960
About my friend's chemical burns?
95
00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:16,000
Yep.
96
00:04:18,640 --> 00:04:20,320
So, in the interest
of health and safety,
97
00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:22,960
tonight, we are all gonna undergo
98
00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:25,960
a mandatory health and safety
refresher course.
99
00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:28,960
Get in! I'll bring my elbow pads.
100
00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:31,960
Not you, Millie. I need you to count
the loose crisps or something.
101
00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:33,960
Who's gonna look after
my deli counter?
102
00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:36,960
I refuse to let my meat
go under the knife
103
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:38,960
unless it's in the hands
of a professional.
104
00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:40,960
Now THAT I happen to agree with.
105
00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:44,960
Well, some of you may know,
some of you may not know, erm...
106
00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:48,960
but I started my career here
at Pellocks on the deli counter.
107
00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:53,320
Before I traded my apron in
for a managerial power tie.
108
00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:55,960
I-I... I don't know why
I'm telling you this,
109
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,960
but I met my wife on...
on the deli counter, too.
110
00:04:57,960 --> 00:04:58,960
She...
111
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:02,640
She came in looking for
some pork loin and... and, erm...
112
00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:05,960
..she left mine ablaze.
113
00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:12,960
Speaking of tiny fires...
114
00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:15,960
And, yes,
I do mean birthday candles.
115
00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:17,640
..I'd like to remind everyone
116
00:05:17,640 --> 00:05:21,480
that we have a very special
staff birthday gathering
117
00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:22,960
in the shop at midnight.
118
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:25,480
My God, shut up, Millie.
Nobody cares.
119
00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:26,960
You know him. You love him.
120
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:29,960
It's everyone's favourite
assistant manager,
121
00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:33,960
Thomas Rice! Whoo!
MILLIE APPLAUDS
122
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:36,960
Happy birthday, Thomas!
123
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:38,960
Party!
Get down.
124
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:40,160
Yeah.
125
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:43,960
Uh...
126
00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:01,320
You wanna come and sit here?
I put that there for you.
127
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:04,160
OK.
128
00:06:04,160 --> 00:06:06,160
OK. Erm, right.
129
00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:08,800
Can anyone tell me
the first thing to do
130
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:09,960
when you set up a food prep area?
131
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:14,160
Hey, yes, Beefy, excellent.
132
00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:15,960
Whack on some banging tunes?
133
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:18,960
No, no, no, that's...
that's wrong, I'm afraid.
134
00:06:18,960 --> 00:06:21,960
Listening to music while working
seriously impairs the senses.
135
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:24,640
I mean,
it takes a truly skilled knifeman
136
00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:26,960
to rock out... with his hock out.
137
00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:28,000
Er, moving on...
138
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,960
I don't know
if it's the eye patch,
139
00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:32,960
but I'm gonna be honest with you,
this is doing it for me.
140
00:06:32,960 --> 00:06:35,960
Now, I wanna talk about
bloodborne parasites.
141
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:38,960
HE SNORTS
Nope, still sexy.
142
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:41,960
Tom, you have to talk to me
at some point.
143
00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:43,960
It's not like I forgot
an important birthday, is it?
144
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:45,800
I'm 30.
30?
145
00:06:46,960 --> 00:06:50,960
Well, not to split fanny hairs,
but my tits turned two last week.
146
00:06:50,960 --> 00:06:52,160
Not so much as a card from you,
my friend.
147
00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:54,960
Not that I actually care,
because, as I say,
148
00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:56,960
who remembers each other's birthdays
any more?
149
00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:58,960
It's actually very weird
that Millie remembered yours.
150
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,320
Oh, God, you...
you don't think she's a bit...
151
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:06,960
..porcine AIDS, bovine AIDS...
152
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:07,960
Sorry, what is this mime?
153
00:07:07,960 --> 00:07:10,960
I completely forgot why I started.
Millie's not crazy!
154
00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:13,960
Trust me, that psychopath
is hiding something.
155
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:14,960
Olivia!
156
00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:17,480
There's, like, four of us.
I can hear every word you're saying.
157
00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,960
Please, just... can we concentrate?
158
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:22,960
These health and safety inspectors,
they are bad mothers.
159
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:24,960
They take no shit.
160
00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:28,000
Unless... Oh, hang on, well,
unless they find a bit of shit.
161
00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:31,960
If they find a little rat faeces or
something, then they will take that.
162
00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:34,320
They'll take it away to the lab
to be tested.
163
00:07:34,320 --> 00:07:36,960
And then... And then shit gets real.
164
00:07:38,480 --> 00:07:41,800
Look, I... I understand
it's an unhelpful metaphor,
165
00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:43,320
and I-I... I apologise for that,
but...
166
00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:45,960
..just get out there tonight, yeah?
167
00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:48,320
And remember, Pellocks...
168
00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:49,960
wuvs woo.
169
00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:53,960
Hooray!
God, what is he...?
170
00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:57,960
Stay safe, people. Yeah?
171
00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,960
Thanks, Beef.
172
00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:09,960
HEAVY METAL BLARES,
STOPS
173
00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:11,960
UPBEAT MUSIC
174
00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:20,480
Oh, yes.
175
00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:21,960
Mm.
176
00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:23,960
Hello. Hi, what can I get you?
177
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:26,480
Would you like some sirloin steak?
We have some.
178
00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:27,960
Just £12.99 per kilogram.
179
00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:30,960
- What would you like? Some lamb?
- Lo-o-o-vely.
180
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:34,960
Chicken? Yeah,
I've got all the meats...
181
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:36,960
including Simon's big banger.
182
00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,960
Ha-ha-ha! Yes!
183
00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:41,960
Massage. Yeah.
184
00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:44,960
And you, chicken thighs?
Yeah, I've got packs of six.
185
00:08:47,960 --> 00:08:50,960
Hey, hey, easy, back up.
Plenty of room for everyone.
186
00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:54,640
Would you like a meatball? Huh?
Would YOU like a meatball?
187
00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:55,960
HE SCREAMS,
CRASHES
188
00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:58,160
My coccyx!
189
00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:20,960
At ease, my salty comrades.
190
00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:22,960
So...
191
00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:25,960
..how long have you and Tom been...?
192
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,960
Getting married?
Oh, that's adorable.
193
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,960
Look, if you're trying
to start a pissing contest
194
00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:32,960
with a transgender woman,
195
00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:34,960
I think I know which one of us
has better aim.
196
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:37,960
Tom is my friend.
Back the fuck down.
197
00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:40,960
I am so sorry if I've done something
to offend you.
198
00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:42,960
If this is about the time
I snubbed you on aisle 15,
199
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:46,160
I swear to God, I thought you were
a discount Halloween decoration.
200
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:47,960
You know what, Millie,
maybe you're right.
201
00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:49,960
Maybe you really are just that nice.
202
00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:52,960
Oh, no.
203
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,960
I seem to have knocked over
one of your jars.
204
00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:58,960
MILLIE GASPS
205
00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:02,960
It's OK, it can happen to anyone.
It's not like you did it on purpose.
206
00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:05,960
Wow. What a sweet thing to say.
207
00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:08,960
And I promise, Millie,
it will never happen again.
208
00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:09,960
MILLIE GASPS
209
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:14,960
Wow. Heh. Ooh...
210
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:16,960
Somebody's being a butterfingers.
211
00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:18,960
Do these look buttery to you?
212
00:10:18,960 --> 00:10:21,960
Ooh...
NERVOUS LAUGH
213
00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:24,960
Simon, you need to fire Millie.
214
00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:27,960
Don't ask me why, just trust me,
the woman's a fruitcake.
215
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,800
Simon!
216
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:30,960
SIMON GROANS WEAKLY
217
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:33,320
I accidentally unplugged
the deli freezer...
218
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:36,960
..and now I've got loads
of extra meat I need to get rid of.
219
00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:39,960
Well, just like that,
you and I have something in common.
220
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:40,960
Shut up, Olivia!
221
00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:43,640
I'm in over my head,
I can't run this place.
222
00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:44,960
I never wanted to be a manager.
223
00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:47,960
It's just...
224
00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:50,960
it's so much responsibility,
it's just so much stress.
225
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:53,000
I miss the man I was
behind this counter.
226
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:56,960
Chopping loins and making coins.
227
00:10:57,960 --> 00:11:00,960
Cleaning turkey necks,
cashing dirty cheques...
228
00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:03,960
..with not a care
in the fucking world.
229
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:05,960
Yeah.
230
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:08,960
My wife fell in love with
the man I was behind this counter.
231
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:12,480
But now I don't know
who I am any more.
232
00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:14,960
How much of that is tears,
and how much is meat juice?
233
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:16,960
Hm, 80-20.
OK.
234
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:18,160
You've obviously
got everything covered.
235
00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:19,960
If I could just get you
to come fire Millie,
236
00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:21,960
then I'll leave you
to your evening.
237
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:22,960
Fire Millie?!
238
00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:24,960
I'm not firing
my most hard-working employee
239
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:26,960
just cos she gives you the creeps.
240
00:11:26,960 --> 00:11:28,960
She does the work of four people.
241
00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:30,320
That's like 16 yous.
242
00:11:30,320 --> 00:11:32,960
Rude.
No, for me to fire Millie,
243
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:35,960
she'd have to do something
really bloody dangerous.
244
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:37,960
One of these days,
that bitch is gonna blow,
245
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:40,960
and then it's gonna be more
than just meat juice on your hands.
246
00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:43,960
Pull yourself together
and be a bloody manager!
247
00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:47,960
Hm.
248
00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:12,960
You don't see many crowbars
these days.
249
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:14,960
They run out
of old-timey dynamite sticks?
250
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:17,960
Look in here and tell me you do not
see the behaviour of a psychopath.
251
00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:19,960
Oh, I see the behaviour
of a psychopath.
252
00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:21,960
You need Millie to be crazy,
253
00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:24,960
otherwise you're a bad friend
for forgetting my birthday.
254
00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:25,960
All right, Carl Jung.
255
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:27,960
Or should I say
"not-so-Jung-any more",
256
00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:29,960
on account of your gradual decline
towards the grave.
257
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:31,480
I've been on this planet 30 years,
258
00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:33,320
the only meaningful relationship
I have is you.
259
00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,960
Just get over yourself,
and leave Millie alone.
260
00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:39,640
And you know what, Sideshow... Knob?
261
00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:40,960
Leave me alone, too, I'm done.
262
00:13:08,960 --> 00:13:10,960
Ooh... Ooh. Oh, no.
263
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:13,960
Liv! What are you, erm...?
264
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:15,960
Oh, what's going on here?
265
00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,960
Oh, nothing.
I spotted this gum on the ceiling.
266
00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:21,960
I'm thinking to myself, "Now,
that is neither healthy nor safe."
267
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:23,960
And then with this inspection
coming up,
268
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:27,160
why has nobody ever thought
about scraping this gum off before?
269
00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:31,960
You know, it's funny,
I did try once, but it's impossible.
270
00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:34,960
Some things are just not meant
for the mortal hands to grasp.
271
00:13:34,960 --> 00:13:36,960
Consigned to the realms of gods
and angels.
272
00:13:39,640 --> 00:13:42,960
Yeah, you're probably right.
Let's just leave it up there, yeah?
273
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:44,960
Judging us.
274
00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:48,960
The one "to do"
that was never "ta done".
275
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:51,960
Oh, like a squishy white whale.
276
00:13:51,960 --> 00:13:54,960
Yeah, I'm just gonna
pop this spatula on there.
277
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:55,960
There we go.
278
00:13:57,960 --> 00:13:58,960
Bye, then.
279
00:14:08,160 --> 00:14:10,960
I'm coming for you, bitch.
280
00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:12,960
OK, so it turns out Millie...
You remember Millie.
281
00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:15,960
Millie is out there
doing something incredibly unsafe.
282
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:17,960
Take a seat. Daddy Bear got meat
to move. Satoshi-san.
283
00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:19,960
Yeah, I can offer you
two dozen birds at cost price.
284
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:21,960
But if you want my meat,
you're not a breast guy,
285
00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:23,960
you're not a thigh guy,
you're a whole bird,
286
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:25,960
bum-to-bawk-er kind of guy.
287
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:28,000
You are? Outstanding!
288
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:30,960
OK, so, Millie... Hey. Shh! Listen.
I should be thanking you.
289
00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:33,960
That talk you gave me, that was
the real boot in the beans I needed.
290
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,640
I'm so glad... Oh.
Excuse me, it's the zoo.
291
00:14:35,640 --> 00:14:38,960
Caesar, hello, mate. No, no, no,
that's the deal, I'm afraid.
292
00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:39,960
Let me spell it out to you.
293
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:41,960
Do you want Tongo to eat tonight,
294
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:45,800
or do you wanna have to paint
black stripes on a big orange dog?
295
00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,960
Yeah, exactly what I thought.
Bye-bye.
296
00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:49,960
Simon, I am happy for you,
I really am.
297
00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:50,960
If you come out and fire Millie,
298
00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:52,640
I think we'd all feel
a lot better...
299
00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:54,960
KNOCKS
Quarter pounder with cheese, please.
300
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:56,320
Yeah, excuse me.
301
00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:58,960
Here we go,
I've got it ready for you, mate.
302
00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:02,320
That's fine, let me take that.
Three, four and five is your change.
303
00:15:02,320 --> 00:15:03,960
Thank you.
Totally normal.
304
00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:05,960
As I was saying,
if you could just come out
305
00:15:05,960 --> 00:15:07,960
and fire Millie, I think
we'd all feel a lot... Shh!
306
00:15:07,960 --> 00:15:10,800
Wasn't there something going on
at midnight?
307
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:22,960
# Happy birthday to you
308
00:15:22,960 --> 00:15:25,480
# Happy birthday... #
PARTY HORN SQUEAKS
309
00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:26,960
It's cool.
310
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:30,480
Oh-ho-ho! Salutations, Thomas.
311
00:15:30,480 --> 00:15:33,960
Did I hear someone say
tax-deductible birthday banger?
312
00:15:33,960 --> 00:15:36,960
I'm vegan.
Yeah. That's good.
313
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:38,960
Great, thanks.
314
00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:41,000
Where's Millie?
315
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:43,960
What happened to the stepladder?
She said it was slowing her down.
316
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:45,480
Shh, shh. Shh, shh, shh.
317
00:15:45,480 --> 00:15:47,960
Hey, come on.
I just wanna say a few words.
318
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:50,800
Sorry, I know this is a party,
but permit me.
319
00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:53,960
Erm... I am so proud of this team.
320
00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:56,160
We've gone an entire night
without an incident,
321
00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:58,960
and, you know what,
that gives me hope
322
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:01,960
that there is someone up there
who still looks out for us.
323
00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:03,000
Son of a bitch!
324
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,960
Argh! Millie!
325
00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:08,000
Millie! What you doing
up in the bloody ceiling?
326
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:11,960
Oh, no, am I missing the party?
Happy birthday, Thomas!
327
00:16:11,960 --> 00:16:13,960
# Happy birthday... #
328
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:16,960
Oh, Millie,
now that is so incredibly unsafe!
329
00:16:16,960 --> 00:16:20,160
Some might even say fireably unsafe.
Olivia, shut up! She could die!
330
00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:22,960
Millie, it's Tom. Please,
I really think you should come down.
331
00:16:25,960 --> 00:16:27,640
MILLIE SCREAMS
332
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:30,960
Oh, shit.
333
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:34,960
Ah! I'll be fine...
if I just stay here forever.
334
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:36,960
Millie, just try and hold on.
335
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:38,480
Argh!
Help...
336
00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:40,160
Whatever you do,
don't let your fingers
337
00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:43,960
incrementally slip off one by one
like they do in the movies.
338
00:16:43,960 --> 00:16:46,640
OK. Oh! One slipped off!
339
00:16:46,640 --> 00:16:48,160
I'm so sorry!
340
00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:51,960
Oh, that's another one,
that's twice as many as before.
341
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:55,640
Yup, there goes another one,
that's 60% of my grip compromised!
342
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:56,960
MILLIE SCREAMS
343
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:00,960
Huh?! Oh!
344
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:03,000
Oh!
MILLIE SQUEALS
345
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:04,960
MILLIE LAUGHS
346
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:10,960
Millie, for the record,
I was trying to get you fired,
347
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:13,160
not splattered on the floor
like a northern blancmange.
348
00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:14,960
If I'd known
you'd pull a John McClane,
349
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:16,640
I might have thought twice.
350
00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:18,960
Don't blame yourself.
I took the bait.
351
00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:20,960
I care way too much
what people think.
352
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:22,800
I guess we both do.
353
00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:24,960
I feel like we've never spoken
this openly before.
354
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:25,960
I know, right?
355
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:27,960
What are you doing later?
Fancy a game of pickleball?
356
00:17:27,960 --> 00:17:30,960
I've no fucking idea what that is.
You're gonna love it, Liv.
357
00:17:30,960 --> 00:17:32,960
SHE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
358
00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:37,960
TOM GAGGING
I think Tom's choking.
359
00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:43,960
Not today! Three, two, one!
360
00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:45,960
Snapped him like a blond Twix.
361
00:17:45,960 --> 00:17:47,960
Anyway,
I can't believe I'm saying this,
362
00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:50,320
but I'm having to draw
an angry red face
363
00:17:50,320 --> 00:17:52,000
on your employment record, Millie.
364
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:56,960
Why do you have to make it look
so much like my dad?
365
00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:59,480
It's just a coincidence.
Liv, always a pleasure.
366
00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:01,960
If there's nothing else,
I have 40 pounds of ground beef
367
00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:04,960
to eat before sunup,
so I will bid you adieu.
368
00:18:10,960 --> 00:18:12,320
How's it feel to do something bad?
369
00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:14,960
Good.
370
00:18:16,000 --> 00:18:19,000
How's it feel to do something good?
Weird.
371
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:23,960
Speaking of which...
consider this a peace offering.
372
00:18:24,960 --> 00:18:25,960
Let me see her.
373
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:36,960
Watermelon. I always knew
in my heart it was watermelon.
374
00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:37,960
OK.
375
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:40,960
Sorry I forgot your birthday, Tom.
376
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:42,960
I don't care
that you forgot my birthday.
377
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:45,800
I was just upset because...
378
00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:46,960
well, I was anxious
that I was turning 30.
379
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:50,480
I needed a friend,
not someone constantly screaming,
380
00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:53,960
"Eureka! My time machine works!"
381
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:55,960
Tom, man, everybody gets older.
382
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:58,960
Unless Millie's got some sort
of Benjamin Button situation
383
00:18:58,960 --> 00:18:59,960
I don't know about.
384
00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:00,960
Liv can't wait to get older.
385
00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:02,960
All the women have beards
and the men have tits.
386
00:19:02,960 --> 00:19:04,960
She's gonna fit right in.
387
00:19:04,960 --> 00:19:06,960
And that is what you call
top shelf repartee.
388
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:08,960
Oh, it's the first top shelf
I've ever seen.
389
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:09,960
Yes, Millie, high-five.
390
00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:11,960
Dial it back, I'm still a person.
OK.
391
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:13,960
Truth is
I actually feel pretty good.
392
00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:16,960
This brush with death has...
393
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:18,960
Well, it's made me realise
I was being a bit stupid.
394
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,960
Life's short, and I wanna live it
to the full
395
00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:24,800
with the people that I care about.
396
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:28,960
It's almost like somebody
planned this entire thing
397
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:31,960
to give you the birthday gift
of a new perspective on life.
398
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:32,960
Yeah, right.
399
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:35,160
What, so you deliberately
forgot my birthday,
400
00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:38,160
you then teased me all day
in order to stoke my insecurities,
401
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:40,960
you manipulated Millie
up into the ceiling
402
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:42,960
in order to pry off
some chewing gum,
403
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:44,960
knowing that at that exact moment,
404
00:19:44,960 --> 00:19:46,960
I'd be stood underneath
with my mouth open,
405
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:49,800
bingo bango,
chewing gum down my windpipe.
406
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:51,960
HE SNORTS
Yeah, right.
407
00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:53,960
THEY LAUGH
408
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,320
Can you imagine?!
409
00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:59,160
ALL LAUGH
410
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:04,960
LIV'S LAUGH
TRAILS OFF
411
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:10,960
LAUGHTER STOPS
412
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:15,960
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