Original subtitles

[Chirps]

[No Audible Dialogue]

[Speaking Foreign Language]

♪♪ [Bugle]

- [Arguing In Foreign Language] - Hello.

- ♪♪ [Continues] - [Arguing Continues]

[Speaking Foreign Language]

[Speaking Italian]

[Speaking French]

- What's all this fuss about, Charters? - I'm hanged if I know.

[Speaking German]

Danke schön. Danke schön.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm very sorry.

The train is little bit uphold.

And if you wish to stay in my hotel, you have to register immediately.

Why the deuce didn't he say so in the first place?

Ah.

Oh, how do you do, Miss Henderson? How do you do, ladies?

- It's a great honor to have you with us again. - Nice to see you too, Boris.

- You haven't changed a bit since last Friday. - I see you haven't shaved either.

- Is everything ready? - Everything is ready. I didn't change anything.

Not even the sheets. We know. Lead on, Boris.

You see, I didn't expect you to come so quickly.

- Well, our legs gave out on us. - That's odd.

- We had to do the last lap in a farm cart. - Oh!

I see we've got company. Don't tell me Cook's are running cheap tours here.

- What is it, Boris? - It's the avalanche.

- Avalanche? - Avalanche, Boris. Avalanche.

You see, in the spring we've got many avalanches.

You know, the snow goes like that: Bloop!

And everything disappear. Even train disappear under the avalanche.

But I'm going home tomorrow. How long before they dig it out?

By morning. It's lucky for you.

You can leave by this train instead of your own.

How you said it? Is a bad wind that blow nowhere no good.

Talking of wind, we haven't eaten since dawn.

- Serve us some supper, Boris, in our room. - I could eat a horse.

- Don't put ideas into his head. Uh, some chicken, Boris. - Yes.

- And a magnum of champagne. - Absolutely.

- And make it snappy. - Bandrika may have a dictator, but tonight we're painting it red.

Meanwhile we have to stand here cooling our heels, I suppose, eh? Confounded impudence.

Oh, third-rate country. What do you expect?

- Wonder who all those women were. - Hmm. Possibly Americans, I should think.

- You know, almighty dollar, old man. - I suppose we'll have to wait here.

If only we hadn't missed that train at Budapest.

I don't want to rub it in, but if you hadn't insisted...

on standing up until they finished their national anthem -

Yes, but you must show respect, Caldicott.

If I'd known it was going to last 20 minutes -

Well, it's always been my contention that The Hungarian Rhapsody...

is not their national anthem.

- In any case, we were the only two standing. - That's true.

- Well, I suppose we shall be in time after all. - I doubt it.

That last report was pretty ghastly. Do you remember? "England on the brink."

Yes, but that's newspaper sensationalism.

- The old country's been in some tight corners before. - It looks pretty black.

Even if we get away first thing tomorrow morning, there's still the connection at Bâle.

- We'll probably be hours. - Mmm, that's true.

Well, somebody surely can help us. Oh, sir.

Would you happen to know what time the train leaves Bâle for England?

- [Speaking Foreign Language] - Oh. Really?

Fella doesn't speak English.

[Chattering]

Hello? Alex.

[Speaking Bandrieken]

Champagne. Miss Henderson.

[Bandrieken]

- Monsieur. - [Speaking French]

- Here's one leaves Bâle 2120. - 2120?

- Yeah. - Twenty. Twenty. Twelve from 21 is -

- Twenty-one - - Eleven. No. Yes. Eleven.

I regret, sir, there is only left two single room in front...

or a little double room at the back.

- We'll, uh, take the two singles. - Very well, sir. Here is.

- Thank you. - Thank you.

At least you might have asked me which I preferred.

My dear, a small double room at the back in a place like this -

You weren't so particular in Paris last autumn.

It was quite different then. The exhibition was at its height.

I realize that now. There's no need to rub it in.

- We want a private suite with a bath. - Facing the mountain.

- Yes. - With a shower, of course.

- Hot and cold. - A private thingummy if you've got one.

Sorry, gentlemen. The only things I've got is the maid's room.

- The what? - Maid's room?

I'm sorry. The whole hotel is packed. Jammed to the sky.

That's impossible. We haven't fixed up yet.

You can't expect to put the two of us up in the maid's room.

Well, don't get excited. I'll remove the maid out.

Yes, I should think so. What? What are you talking about?

- I think I'd sooner sleep on the train. - Would you?

- There is no 'eating on the train. - No eating on the train?

Yes. I mean - [Huffs] Heating. [Shudders]

- Heating. There's no heating on the train. - That's awkward.

- All right. We'll take it. - Just a minute. With one condition.

You have to have the maid comes to your room, remove her wardrobe.

Anna.

She's a good girl, and I don't want to lose her.

[Speaking Bandrieken]

We'd better go and dress.

- Rather primitive humor, I hope. - Grown-up children, you know.

That was rather an awkward situation over that girl.

- Pity he couldn't have given us one each. - Eh?

- I mean, uh, a room apiece. - Oh.

I, Iris Matilda Henderson...

a spinster of no particular parish...

do hereby solemnly renounce my maidenly past...

and do declare that on Thursday next, the 26th inst., being in my right mind...

I shall take the veil and the orange blossom...

and change my name to Lady Charles Fotheringail.

[Woman] Can't you get him to change his name instead?

[Woman #2] The only thing I like about him is his mustache.

You're a couple of cynics. I'm very fond of him.

[Woman #1] Well, I'm fond of rabbits, but they have to be kept down.

Rudolph, give me a hand.

Have you ever read about that little thing called love?

It used to be very popular.

Child, the carpet is already laid at St. George's, Hanover Square.

And Father's simply aching to have a coat of arms on the jam label.

To Iris and the happy days she's leaving behind.

And the blue-blooded check-chaser she's dashing to London to marry.

The blue-blooded check-chaser.

I have no regrets. I've been everywhere and done everything.

I've eaten caviar at Cannes...

sausage rolls at the docks.

I've played baccarat at Biarritz...

and darts with the rural dean.

What is there left for me but...

marriage?

[Speaking Bandrieken]

Oh!

It's this hanging about that gets me.

If only we knew what was happening in England.

- Mustn't lose grip, Charters. - [Knocks]

Come in.

[Bandrieken]

[Sighs]

[Bandrieken]

- Did you follow that? - I did.

Tell her this has gone far enough.

No, uh - No change, uh - change here.

- Um, outside. - [Bandrieken]

- She doesn't understand. - No. Come on.

Oh!

Nothing newer than last month.

I don't suppose there is such a thing as a wireless set hereabouts.

- Being in the dark like this - our communications cut off in a time of crisis. - [Phone Rings]

Hello, hello, hello! London?

You want Mr. Seltzer? Yes. Hold on. I'm going right to - to find where he is.

London.

Go on. Risk it.

Hello. Hello. You. You in London.

Huh? No, no, no. I'm not Mr. Seltzer.

Name's Charters. I don't suppose you know me. What?

Well, you needn't worry. They've just gone to fetch him.

Tell me. What's happening to England?

"Blowing a gale"? No, you don't follow me, sir.

I'm inquiring about the test match in Manchester.

Cricket, sir! Cricket! What? You don't know?

[Scoffs] You can't be in England and not know the test score.

- Fella says he doesn't know. - Oh, silly ass.

Hello. Can't you find out? Nonsense. It won't take a second.

Oh, all right. If you won't, you won't!

- Wasting my time. The fella's an ignoramus. - Mr. Seltzer...

at last your call come through to London.

Hello. Hello, hello. [Bandrieken] London.

Huh? [Bandrieken] London.

[Bandrieken]

[Speaking Foreign Language]

[Bandrieken]

- Thank you, waiter. - [Bandrieken]

- What do you say to a grilled steak? - That's a very good idea.

- Well done for me, please. - On the red side for me.

- [Bandrieken] - These people have a passion for repeating themselves.

- [Clears Throat] I - I beg your pardon. - Mm-hmm?

He's trying to explain to you that, owing to the large number of visitors, there's no food left.

No food?

What sort of place is this?

Expect us to share a blasted dog box with a servant girl on an empty stomach?

Is that hospitality? Is that organization?

Oh. Thank you.

- I'm hungry, you know. - What a country. I don't wonder they have revolutions.

You're very welcome to what's left of the cheese.

Uh, of course, it's not like beefsteak, but it's awfully rich in vitamins.

- Really. Thank you very much. - I'm afraid they're not accustomed to catering for so many people.

Bandrika is one of Europe's few undiscovered corners.

Yes. That's probably 'cause there's nothing worth discovering, I should think.

You may not know it as well as I do. I'm feeling quite miserable at the thought of leaving it.

- After you with the cheese, please. - Certainly, old man. Why not?

- So you're going home? - Tomorrow.

My little charges are quite grown up.

I'm a governess and a music teacher, you know.

In the six years I've lived here, I've grown to love the country, especially the mountains.

I sometimes think they're like very friendly neighbors.

- You know, the - the big father and mother mountain with their white snow hats. - ♪♪ [Man Vocalizing]

And their nephews and nieces. Not quite so big. With smaller hats.

Right down to the tiniest hillock without any hat at all.

Well, of course, that's just my fancy.

- Oh, really. - I like to watch them from my bedroom every night when there's a moon.

- I'm so glad there's a moon tonight. - ♪♪ [Vocalizing Continues]

Do you hear that music?

Everyone sings here. The people are just like happy children...

with laughter on their lips and music in their hearts.

- It's not reflected in their politics, you know. - I never think you should judge any country by its politics.

After all, we English are quite honest by nature, aren't we?

You'll excuse me if I run away. Good night. Good night.

- Good night. - ♪♪ [Continues]

Queer sort of bird.

Trifle whimsical, I thought.

Well, after six years in this hole, we'd be whimsical.

Oh, I don't think so, old man.

- She was very decent about that cheese. - Mmm.

I see she's finished the pickles.

- Good night, Iris. - ♪♪ [Continues]

- Listen. Someone's serenading. - Oh, let him. Nothing will keep me awake tonight.

- Good night, my children. - ♪♪ [Continues]

♪♪ [Guitar]

♪♪ [Vocalizing Continues]

♪♪ [Continues]

- [Loud Thumping] - ♪♪ [Clarinet]

- ♪♪ [Vocalizing Continues] - [Thumping Continues]

- ♪♪ [Clarinet Continues] - [Thumping Continues]

What's happening? An earthquake?

That would hardly account for the music, would it?

What a horrible noise.

- What can they be doing? - I don't know, but I'll soon find out.

Hello.

- [Thumping Continues] - ♪♪ [Clarinet Continues]

Musical country, this.

Yes. I - I feel quite sorry for that poor singer outside...

having to compete with this.

Boris, Miss Henderson speaking.

Look. Someone upstairs is playing musical chairs with an elephant.

Move one of them out, will you? I want to get some sleep.

All right. That ought to settle it.

Thank you so much.

Some people have so little consideration for others...

which makes life so much more difficult than it need be.

Don't you think? Well, good night. Thank you so much.

I expect you'll be going on the train in the morning.

- Yes. - I hope we shall meet again under - under quieter circumstances.

- Good night. - Good night.

- [Thumping Continues] - [Bandrieken]

Miss, please, I'll fix everything.

You'd better.

- [Thumping Continues] - ♪♪ [Clarinet Continues]

Hold it. Steady. Don't move. Don't move.

[Clears Throat] Uh -

- If you please, sir - - Get out!

One, two -

- ♪♪ [Clarinet Resumes] - [Thumping]

Please, sir. Will you kindly stop?

They are all complaining in the hotel. You make too much noise.

- Too much what? - Too much noise.

You dare to call it a noise.

The ancient music with which your peasant ancestors...

celebrated every wedding for countless generations.

The dance they danced when your father married your mother...

always supposing you were born in wedlock, which I doubt.

Look at them.

- I take it you're the manager. - Sure I am the manager of this hotel.

Fortunately I'm accustomed to squalor. Tell me. Who's complaining?

- This young English lady underneath. - Well, you tell the young English lady underneath...

that I am putting on record for the benefit of mankind...

one of the lost folk dances of Central Europe...

and furthermore, she does not own this hotel.

- But, sir, don't you understand? - ♪♪ [Plays Note]

Now, one, two -

You know what he said? [Chuckles] "Who she think she is? The queen of Sheba?

She think she owns this hotel?"

- Well, can't you get rid of him? - Impossible.

- Are you sure? - Uh, I begin to wonder.

It's come back to me. I've got an idea.

You see, the German lady. She will call him up on the telephone.

She say, "Young man. It's my room. I did pay for it. Get out quickly."

- How's that, huh? - Good enough.

- [Thumping Continues] - ♪♪ [Clarinet Continues]

We'll eject him with a little - [Makes Noise]

He'll never forget as long as he live. [Chuckles]

[Caldicott] Nothing but baseball.

You know. We used to call it rounders.

Children play it with a rubber ball and with a stick.

Not a word about cricket.

- Americans got no sense of proportion. - [Knocks]

Come in.

[Door Closes]

♪♪ [Whistling]

♪♪ [Stops]

[Bandrieken]

I can't stand this ridiculous lack of privacy. Lock the door.

- [Bandrieken] - Oh!

[Bandrieken]

Who are you? What do you want?

♪♪ [Folk]

- Recognize the signature tune? - Will you please get out.

Oh, this is a much better room.

Definitely an acceptable room.

[Clears Throat]

What exactly do you think you're doing?

Keep away.

Would you hold those for a minute?

[Thuds]

Put those back at once.

- Now, which side do you like to sleep? - Do you want me to throw you out?

Oh, in that case, I'll sleep in the middle.

Smart of you to bribe the manager.

An eye for an eye...

and a tooth for a toothbrush.

I suppose you realize you're behaving like a complete cad.

On the contrary, you're perfectly at liberty to sleep in the corridor if you want to.

Hello.

Oh, I shouldn't if I were you.

I'd only tell everyone you invited me here.

- [Faucet Squeaks] - [Water Running]

And when I say everyone, I mean everyone.

And I have a powerful voice.

- Come out of there at once! - Not until you bribe the manager to restore me to my attic.

- Come out of that bathroom! - ♪♪ [Humming: "Colonel Bogey March"]

♪♪ [Continues]

[Whispering] Hello. Boris?

Look. I was thinking. I - I might change my mind about that room upstairs if -

Oh, by the way, you might have my things taken upstairs. Would you?

You're the most contemptible person I've ever met in all my life!

[Whispers] Well, confidentially, I think you're a bit of a stinker too.

- ♪♪ [Guitar] - ♪♪ [Man Vocalizing]

♪♪ [Continues]

[Coin Clinks]

♪♪ [Humming Tune]

♪♪ [Accordion]

Well, if we get to Bâle on time, we should see the last day of the match.

I hope the weather's like this in Manchester. Perfect wicket for our fellas.

♪♪ [Continues]

We're somewhere along here.

If you don't hurry, Margaret, we shan't get that compartment to ourselves.

Does it matter?

♪♪ [Continues]

Well, there's still time to change your mind, Iris.

Yes. Why not send Charles a greetings telegram and tell him he's all washed up?

No. It's too late. This time next week...

I shall be a slightly sunburnt offering on an altar in Hanover Square.

I shan't mind, really.

Oh! Good morning.

I can't find my bag. It's a brown holdall, you know. Have you seen -

No. Of course not. Uh, thank you.

Well, I gave it to the porter. I can't imagine what happened.

Oh, she dropped her glasses.

- Say, you dropped your glasses. - Oh. Thank you, my dear.

- Oh! - Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear!

- Darling, are you hurt? - Oh!

I don't know. What was it?

- [Bandrieken] - Never mind about that.

This cockeyed station of yours has practically brained my friend.

- Yes indeed! - Well, what are you going to do about it?

- He says he cannot hold the train. - I like that!

- [Whistle Blows] - Hurry up! It's going.

- Yes, my dear. - [Iris] I'll be all right.

- Are you sure? - Be careful now. Careful.

Don't worry. I'll look after her. Such carelessness.

You sure you're all right?

- Send us a copy of the Times. - Write and tell us all about it.

Good luck. Look after yourself.

- [No Audible Dialogue] - [Locomotive Chugging]

[Woman] There, there. You'll be all right in a minute.

Just take everything quietly.

Put some of this eau de cologne on your head.

- Do you feel any better? - Yes, thank you. I'm all right now.

What you need is a good, strong cup of tea.

- I'll ring for the attendant. - No, no. Please don't bother.

I'll go to the dining car myself. I need some air.

Oh, well, in that case, I'll come with you. If you don't mind, that is.

No, of course not.

Ah -

Oh! I - I beg your pardon. I'm so sorry.

[Chuckles] You can always tell a honeymoon couple, you know. They're so shy.

- Why did you do that? - Well, we don't want people staring at us.

Anyone would think the whole legal profession were dogging you.

- Oh, one would be enough. - You even thought that beggar in Damascus was a barrister in disguise.

I merely said his face was distinguished enough for a judge.

You hurried off in the opposite direction, I noticed.

That's not true. I was looking for a street called "Straight."

- You weren't so careful the first few days. - I know. I know.

And anyway, as for you meeting someone you know, what about me?

Robert thinks I'm cruising with Mother.

If one's feeling a little bit shaky, I always think it's best to sit in the middle of the coach.

Preferably facing the engine. Uh, a pot of tea for two, please.

- Very good. - Oh, and - and just a minute.

Will you please tell them to make it from this?

I don't drink any other. Uh, and - and make absolutely sure that the water is really boiling.

You understand? [Chuckles]

It's a little fad of mine. My dear father and mother...

who I'm thankful to say are still alive...

and enjoying good health, invariably drink it.

And so I follow their footsteps.

Do you know a million Mexicans drink it? At least that's what it says on the packet.

It's very kind of you to help me like this.

I don't think we've introduced ourselves.

My name's Iris Henderson. I'm going home to be married.

Really? Oh, how very exciting.

- I do hope you'll be happy. - Thank you.

You'll have children, won't you? They make such a difference.

I always think it's being with kiddies so much that's made me - [Chuckles]

If I may say so - young for my age.

- I'm a governess, you know. My name's Froy. - [Train Whistle Blows]

- Did you say Freud? - [Whistle Blowing]

- No. O-Y. Not E-U-D. - [Train Rumbling]

- Froy. - I'm sorry. I can't hear.

Froy. It rhymes with "joy."

Thank you. Uh, please reserve two places for lunch, will you?

- That is if you'd care to have it with me. - Of course.

There's nothing moot about it. It simply wasn't out. That's all.

But for the umpire's blunder, he'd probably still be batting.

- What do you mean? I don't understand. - I'll show you. Look here.

I saw the whole thing.

There. Now then. There's Hammond.

There's the bowler. There's the umpire.

- Sugar? - Two, please.

Dear me. There is no sugar.

Now watch this very, very carefully, Caldicott.

- Grimmett was bowling. - May I trouble you for the sugar, please?

- What? - The sugar, please.

[Sighs]

Thank you so much.

If I were you, I'd try and get a little sleep. It'll make you feel quite well again.

There's a most intriguing acrostic in The Needlewoman.

I'm going to try and unravel it before you wake up.

[Both Laughing]

♪♪ [Vocalizing]

[Whistle Blows]

[Bandrieken]

Reservations for lunch, please.

[Both Speaking Bandrieken]

- Madame has booked for lunch? - Oh, I think my friend did. She's got the tickets.

- Have you seen my friend? - No.

Um, my friend. Where is she?

La signora inglese. The English lady. Where is she?

There has been no English lady here.

- What? - There has been no English lady here.

There has. She sat there in the corner.

You saw her. You spoke to her. She sat next to you.

But it's ridiculous. She took me to the dining car and came back here with me.

You went and came back alone.

Maybe you don't understand. I mean the lady who looked after me when I was knocked out.

Ah. Perhaps it make you forget, eh?

Well, I may be very dense, but if this is some sort of a joke, I'm afraid I don't see the point.

- Oh, steward, you served me tea just now. - Yes, madame.

- Have you seen the lady I was with? The English lady. - But madame was alone.

- Pardon, madame. He make mistake. - Well, of course.

He must remember the little English lady. She ordered the tea and paid for it.

- No. It is you who paid. - [Bandrieken]

He say to look at the bill. I will look, madame.

But she gave you a special packet of tea. You can't have forgotten that.

The tea was ours, madame. I received no packet.

- But you did. I know what happened. - Pardon, madame. The bill.

- Uh, tea for one. - But that's not right.

Perhaps madame would care to examine the bills herself.

No, I wouldn't. The whole thing's too absurd.

♪♪ [Accordion]

Please, have you seen a lady pass through -

- Oh. - Well, well. If it isn't old stinker.

If I thought you were going to be on this train, I'd have stayed another week in the hotel.

- Uh, lady? No. Why. - It doesn't matter.

You probably wouldn't recognize one anyway.

Hello. Feeling queer?

It's that pipe of yours, George. Why don't you throw your old socks away?

Never mind. Thanks for the help all the same. Come on. Sit down. Take it easy.

- What's the trouble? - If you must know, something fell on my head.

- When? Infancy? - At the station.

- Oh. Bad luck. Can I help? - No. Only by going away.

No, no, no. My father always taught me never desert a lady in trouble.

He even carried that as far as marrying Mother.

I say, did you see a little lady last night in the hotel? In tweeds.

I only saw one little lady. She was hardly in tweeds.

But she was in my compartment, and now I can't find her.

She must be still on the train. We haven't stopped since we started.

- Of course she's still on the train. I know that. - All right. Nobody said she isn't.

- Yes, but that's just what they are saying. - Who?

The rest of the people in the compartment and the stewards. They insist they never saw her.

- All of them? - All of them.

- You were saying you got a knock on the head? - What do you mean?

- Never mind. Do you talk the lingo? - No.

Well, they probably thought you were trying to borrow some money.

Come on. Let's knock the idea out of their stupid heads.

A most unfortunate remark. I beg your pardon.

[Chattering]

That's one of them. The little dark man.

I say. Excuse me. I think there's been a little misunderstanding.

- This young lady seems to have lost her friend. - Yes. I have heard.

- This gentleman has been explaining to me. - Ah.

Most interesting. And I think under the circumstances, we shall all introduce ourselves.

- I am Italian citizen. My wife and child. - How do you do?

- Oh, bonny little chap. How old is he? - 1934 class.

- Ah. - Sì. And the lady in the corner is the Baroness Atona.

Oh, yes. I met her husband.

He presented prizes at the folk dance festival. Minister of propaganda.

And I am Dr. Egon Hartz of Prague. You may have heard of me.

- Not the brain specialist? - Yes. The same.

You flew over to England the other day and operated on one of our cabinet ministers.

- Oh, yes. - Tell me. Did you find anything?

- A slight cerebral contusion. - Oh, well, that's better than nothing.

But I am picking up a similar case at the next station, but so much more complicated.

I shall operate at the national hospital tonight.

Among other things, a cranial fracture with compression.

- Do you understand? - Oh, yes. A wallop on the bean.

- I suppose you haven't seen my friend. - Unfortunately, no.

I'll just take a word with the baroness.

Uh - [Speaking Bandrieken]

[Bandrieken]

[Speaking Italian]

No. [Italian]

- What do they say? - Well, they both say they've never seen her.

But that's not true. She was sitting where you are.

- Can you describe her? - Well, it's a bit difficult.

You see, she was sort of middle-aged and ordinary.

- Well, what was she wearing? - Tweeds, oatmeal flecked with brown...

a three-quarter coat with patch pockets...

a scarf, a felt hat, brown shoes...

a tussah shirt and - and a small blue handkerchief in her breast pocket.

- I can't remember any more. - You couldn't have been paying attention.

- Now listen. You both went along to tea. - Yes.

- Well, surely you met somebody. - I suppose we did, but -

Wait a moment. Let me think. Oh, yes. There was an Englishman who passed the sugar.

Right you are. Let's go along and dig him out.

Pardon me. I'll come with you. This is most interesting to me.

Well, we don't like people muscling in, but we'll make you a member.

Wait a moment. There was somebody else.

As we passed this compartment, Miss Froy stumbled in.

- There was a tall gentleman and a lady. - [Snaps Fingers]

Now we're getting somewhere. If we can find someone who saw her, we'll have the place searched.

- Can I be of any assistance? - That's the gentleman.

Do you happen to remember seeing this young lady pass the compartment with a little Englishwoman?

I'm, uh - I'm afraid not.

But you must have. She almost fell into your compartment.

Surely you haven't forgotten. It's very important.

Everybody's saying she wasn't on the train, but I know she is...

and I'm going to find her even if I have to stop the train to do it.

Caldicott. This is Charters. Can I come in?

You know that girl we saw at the hotel? She's back there kicking up a devil of a fuss.

- Says she's lost her friend. - Well, she hasn't been in here, old man.

- But the point is she threatens to stop the train. - Oh, Lord.

If we miss our connection in Bâle, we'll never make Manchester in time.

- This is serious. - Let's hide in here.

I'm sorry. I haven't the faintest recollection. You must be making a mistake.

[Door Closes]

Well, he obviously doesn't remember.

Let's go and look for the other fellow.

- Who were you talking to outside? - Hmm?

Oh, nobody. Just, uh, some people in the corridor arguing.

There he is. That's the man.

I say. I'm so sorry. I wonder if I can bother you.

- I wonder if you can help us. - How?

I was having tea about an hour ago with an English lady. You saw her, didn't you?

- I don't know. I mean, definitely. I was talking to my friend. Wasn't I? - Indubitably.

But you were sitting at the next table. She turned and borrowed the sugar. You must remember.

- I recall passing the sugar. - Then you saw her.

I repeat. We were deep in conversation. We were discussing cricket.

I don't see how a thing like cricket can make you forget seeing people.

Oh, don't you? If that's your attitude, obviously there's nothing more to be said. Come, Caldicott.

- "A thing like cricket." - Hmm.

Wrong tactics. We should have told him we were looking for a lost cricket ball.

But he spoke to her. There must be some explanation.

There is. Please forgive me. I'm quite possibly wrong...

but I have known cases where a sudden shock or blow...

has induced the most vivid impressions.

I understand. You don't believe me.

Oh, it's not a question of belief.

Even a simple concussion may have curious effects upon an imaginative person.

Yes, but I can remember every little detail. Her name - Miss Froy. Everything.

So interesting.

You know, if one had time, one could trace the cause of the hallucination.

- Hallucination. - Oh, precisely.

There is no Miss Froy. There never was a Miss Froy.

Merely a vivid subjective image.

- But I met her last night at the hotel. - You thought you did.

- Yes, but what about the name? - Oh, some past association.

An advertisement or a character in a novel, subconsciously remembered.

No. There is no reason to be frightened...

if you are quiet and relaxed.

Thank you very much.

Dravka. If you will excuse me, this is where my patient comes aboard. Excuse me.

Most interesting.

We're stopping.

- This is the first stop, isn't it? - Mm-hmm.

Then Miss Froy must still be on the train.

Look. You look out of this window and see if she gets off this side. I'll take the other.

- Most interesting. - Oh.

What was she dressed in? Scotch tweeds, wasn't it?

Oatmeal tweeds.

Oh, I knew it had something to do with porridge.

[Both Speaking Bandrieken]

How long does it take to get a divorce?

- Eric. - Hmm? Oh, I beg your pardon. I wasn't listening.

- I said, "How long does it take to get a divorce?" - Oh, that depends. Why?

I was only wondering whether we could take our honeymoon next spring.

I mean the official one.

The difficulties are considerable. For one thing, the courts are very crowded just now.

Although I suppose we barristers ought not to complain about that.

[Clears Throat] As a matter of fact, with the -

with conditions as they are now, my chances of becoming a judge are very rosy.

That is, if, uh, nothing untoward occurs.

Such as you being mixed up in a divorce case yourself.

Uh, yes.

In that first careless rapture of yours you said you didn't care what happened.

My dear, you must think of it from my point of view.

The law, like Caesar's wife, must be above suspicion.

Even when the law spends six weeks with Caesar's wife?

- Look here. - Now I know why you've been running around like a scared rabbit.

Why you lied so deliberately a few minutes ago.

- I lied? - Yes. To those people in the corridor.

I heard every word you said.

It was merely that I didn't wish to be mixed up in any inquiry.

Inquiry. Just because a little woman can't be found -

That girl was making a fuss. If the woman had disappeared...

and I'd admitted having seen her, we might become vital witnesses.

My name might even appear in the papers, coupled with yours.

Why, a scandal like that might lead anywhere.

Anywhere.

Yes. I suppose it might.

[Whistle Blows]

- Nobody? - Nobody.

Well, the only thing that came out my side was two bits of orange peel and a paper bag.

I know there's a Miss Froy. She's as real as you are.

That's what you say, and you believe it, but there doesn't appear to be anybody else who's seen her.

I saw her, I think.

- You did? - A little woman in tweeds.

- Yes? - Wearing a three-quarter coat?

- With a scarf? - That's right. I saw her with you when you passed the compartment.

I knew I was right. But your husband said he hadn't seen her.

Oh, he didn't notice. But as soon as he mentioned it, I remembered at once.

You win. You know, this calls for action. Are you prepared to make a statement?

- Of course. If it helps. - Ah. Pardon.

My patient has just arrived. The most fascinating complication.

We've some news for you. This lady actually saw Miss Froy.

- So - - We're going to have the train searched.

- You'll have to think of a fresh theory now, Doctor. - It is not necessary.

My theory was a perfectly good one. The facts were misleading.

I hope you will find your friend. Excuse me.

- I'll be in here if you want me. - Right you are. Come along.

Eric.

I was only going to mention that I told that girl I'd seen her friend.

What's that? Have you taken leave of your senses?

- On the contrary, I've come to them. - What do you mean?

If there's a scandal, there'd be a divorce.

You couldn't let me down, could you?

You'd have to do the decent thing as reluctantly as only you know how.

You forget one very important thing, Margaret.

Your husband would divorce you. I've no doubt.

But whatever happens, my wife will never divorce me.

It may seem crazy to you, but I tell you. You're going to search the train.

Ah! Signorina. Down there they look for you.

- Your friend. She come back. - Come back?

- Sì. Sì. - But what happened?

Oh. You go see. She tell you. [Chuckles] Scusi.

Thanks. All right, Athelstan. Relax. The crisis is over.

Come on. Let's join the lady.

- Here we are. - Miss Froy.

That isn't Miss Froy.

- Isn't it? - No.

I say, it's a silly thing to say, but are you Miss Froy?

No. I am Madame Kummer.

[Speaking Bandrieken]

She says she helped you into the carriage after you got the biff on the head, then went to see friends.

[Bandrieken]

The baroness says that as you spoke about an English lady, she didn't connect her with Madame Kummer.

But she wasn't the lady I saw. It was Miss Froy.

Oatmeal tweeds, blouse, blue silk handkerchief.

Yes. Yes, I know. Everything's the same, but it isn't her.

I beg your pardon. When did you say you first met this Miss Froy?

- Last night at the hotel. - Oh. And was she wearing a costume like this?

- Yes. I think so. - Then I must apologize.

- You did meet her after all. - Then -

But not on this train. In your subconscious mind...

you substituted for the face of Madame Kummer that of Miss Froy.

But I didn't. I couldn't have, I tell you. I talked to her here.

That's very easily settled. There's an Englishwoman who said she saw her.

If this lady wouldn't mind - Madame - [Bandrieken]

[Bandrieken]

Bon. Après vous, mesdames. What a gift for languages a fellow's got.

I'm so sorry. Would you tell us, please, is this the woman you saw?

It isn't a bit like her, is it?

Yes, she's the woman.

- But it isn't, I tell you. It isn't. - Are you sure?

- Perfectly. - She isn't. She isn't.

- [Bandrieken] - [Bandrieken]

Well, come on, then. I'm so sorry to have troubled you.

Well, aren't you going to say anything?

You might at least gloat, if nothing else.

What am I expected to say? You only did it to save your own skin.

She was lying. I saw it in her face. They're all lying, but why? Why?

Now, why don't you sit down and take it easy?

Do you believe this nonsense about substituting Miss Froy's face for Madame Kummer's?

Well, I think any change would be an improvement.

Listen, Miss Froy was on this train. I know she was, and nothing will convince me otherwise.

Must you follow me round like a pet dog?

Oh. Well, let's say a watchdog. I've got all the better instincts.

Good-bye.

The doctor was right. You're all right. I never saw Miss Froy on the train.

- It didn't happen. I know now. - I'm glad you're gonna take it like that.

What you want to do is to forget all about it. Just make your mind a complete blank.

You know? Watch me. You can't go wrong.

Well, what about a spot of something to eat, huh?

- Anything. - That's right. Come along.

Ah.

- Oh. Would you like a little air? - Thanks.

- Well. Do you think you can eat anything? - I could try.

That's the spirit. You'll feel a different girl tomorrow.

I hope so. I don't want to meet my fiancé a nervous wreck.

- Your... what? - I'm being married on Thursday.

Quite sure you're not imagining that?

- Positive. - Oh, I was afraid so.

- Ah, food. - I couldn't face it.

- Well, you know best. You mind if I talk with my mouth full? - If you must.

Well, now. Would you like to hear about my early life?

- I don't think so. - Well, since you pressed me, I'll begin with my father.

You know, it's remarkable how many great men began with their father -

- Oh, something to drink? - No, I -

- Oh, yes, I will. A cup of tea, please. - [Bandrieken]

You know, my father was a very colorful character.

Amongst other things, he was strongly addicted to - You'll never guess.

- Harriman's Herbal Tea. - No, wrong. Double scotch.

- A million Mexicans drink it. - Maybe they do, but Father didn't.

- Miss Froy gave the waiter a packet of it. - Packet of what?

Harriman's Herbal Tea. She said it was the only sort she liked.

I thought we'd agree that you were going to make your mind a complete blank.

But it's so real. I'm sure it happened.

- Did we, or did we not? - We did.

Sorry. Go on telling me about your father.

Well, my father was a very remarkable man.

- Did he play the clarionet? - Incessantly.

In fact, he never put it down, unless, uh - unless it became absolutely necessary.

Well, naturally I couldn't help inheriting his love of music.

- Why not? - It was all he left me.

You know, you're remarkably attractive.

Has anyone ever told you?

We were discussing you.

- Yes, of course. Um, do you like me? - Not much.

Well, after I'd, uh, paid my father's debts...

I started to travel, until they tried to cash the checks.

At the moment, you know, I'm writing a book on folk dancing. Would you like to buy a copy?

I'd love to. When does it see the light of day?

Hmm, about four years.

- That's a very long time. - Very long book.

Do you know why you fascinate me?

I'll tell you. You've got two great qualities I used to admire in Father.

You haven't any manners at all, and...

you're always seeing things.

- Now what's the matter? - Look.

[Train Whistle Blows]

- It's gone! - What's gone?

Miss Froy's name on the window.

You saw it. You must have seen it! She's on the train!

Now steady, steady.

- Excuse me. Thank you. It's okay. - No, no! We've got to find her. Something's happening to her!

- Now - - Stop the train!

Listen, everybody. There's a woman on this train - Miss Froy.

Some of you must have seen her. They're hiding her somewhere.

I appeal to you, all of you, to stop the train.

- Now, listen - - Please help me. Please make them stop the train.

- Come on. - Do you hear? Why don't you do something before it's too late?

- Please. Please. - I know you think I'm crazy, but I'm not! I'm not!

- For heaven's sake, stop this train! - Now, come -

- Leave me alone! Leave me alone! - [Train Whistle Blows]

[Whistle Continues]

[Brakes Squealing]

Huh. Ten minutes late, thanks to that fool of a girl.

She gets up to any more of her tricks, we shall be too late for the last day of the match.

- [Sighs] - I suppose you couldn't put it to her in some way.

- What? - Well, people... just don't vanish and so forth.

- She has. - What?

Vanished.

- Who? - The old dame.

- Yes. - Well?

- Well, how could she? - What?

- Vanish. - I don't know.

That just explains my point. People don't just disappear into thin air.

It's done in India.

- What? - The rope trick.

Oh, that? It never comes out in a photograph.

Look, now. In half an hour we'll stop at Morsken, just before the border.

I will leave there, with my patient, for the national hospital.

If you will come with me, you could stay overnight in a private ward.

- You need peace and rest. - Sorry. Nothing doing.

Isn't there anything we can do?

Yes, find Miss Froy.

I tell you, my friend. If she does not rest, I will not answer for her.

It will be best if you persuade her. She likes you.

Oh, I'm just about as popular as a dose of strychnine.

If you coat it with sugar, she may swallow it. [Chuckles]

Cosmopolitan train, this. People of all nations.

I've just seen at least a million Mexicans in the corridor.

Well, I thought I'd look in to tell you to think over what Dr. Hartz said.

Feel like changing your mind, I'll be hanging around.

- What's all the mystery? - You're right. Miss Froy is on this train.

I've just seen the packet of tea that you were talking about. They chucked it out with the rubbish.

- Trifle late, aren't you? She may be dead by now. - Well, dead or -

Of course, for sheer variety, give me an English summer.

I remember once spending a bank holiday at Brighton -

We're going to search this train. There's something definitely queer in here.

♪♪ [Accordion: Folk]

- Looks like supply service for trunk murderers. - Don't!

[Whispering] Look at that.

- All right, Miss Froy. It's only us. - Hurry up. Quickly.

[Both Laughing]

Well, perhaps it's Miss Froy bewitched. You never know.

Well, anyway, I refuse to be discouraged. Faint heart never found old lady.

By the way, do you know anything about her?

No. Only that she was a governess going back home.

Mm-hmm.

- What is this thing? - Can't imagine.

Anyway, there might be something down here.

[Both Gasp]

- What on earth? - Our Italian friend, that -

I've got it. Wait a minute.

There you are. The Great Doppo. [Muttering]

- His visiting card. Look. - What's it say?

"The Great Doppo - magician, illusionist, mind reader -

"will visit all the principal towns and cities.

See his, uh, fascinating act, The Vanishing L - Lady."

- Vanishing Lady? - Perhaps that's the explanation.

- What? - Maybe he's practicing on Miss Froy.

Well, perhaps it's a publicity stunt.

No, I don't think so. That wouldn't account for the baroness or Madame Kummer.

- Well, what's your theory? - Oh, I don't know. My theory? I'll tell you.

Oh, dear.

I can't get one -

That one - Where are you?

I'm in here, with a strong smell of camphor ball.

- I can't see you. - I'm about somewhere.

Here I am. Where are you?

- I don't know. - Ah, this is what comes of not saying "Abracadabra."

- [Iris] Ooh! Oh! - Are you hurt?

- Ouch. - Come on. Out with it, Oscar.

- Not much. - Come sit down over here.

- What is that thing? - Well, in magic circles we call it the disappearing cabinet.

- You get inside and vanish. - Mmm. So I noticed.

- You were about to tell me of your theory. - Oh, my theory. Well -

My theory, my dear Watson, is that we are in very deep waters indeed.

- Ahem. [Clears Throat] - Oh. Thank you very much.

Let us marshal our facts over a pipeful of Baker Street shag.

In the first place, a little old lady disappears. Everyone that saw her promptly insists that she was never there at all.

- Right? - Right.

We know that she was. Therefore they did see her. Therefore they are deliberately lying.

- Why? - I don't know. I'm only Watson.

Well, don't bury yourself in the part. I'll tell you why.

Because they daren't face an inquiry. Because Miss Froy is probably still somewhere on this train.

- I told you that hours ago. - Oh, yes. So you did.

- For that, my dear Watson, you shall have a trichinopoly cigar. - Oh, thank you.

Now there's only one thing left to do, you know - search the train in disguise.

- As what? - Well - [Clears Throat]

- Old English gentleman. - They'd see through you.

Perhaps you're right. Aha!

[Clears Throat] Will Hay, for instance.

Now... boys, boys. Which of you has stolen Miss Froy? Own up. Own up.

- Those glasses, give them to me. - Why?

- They're Miss Froy's. - You sure?

Yes, they're exactly the same. Gold rim with -

- Where did you find these? - Well, down here on the floor. The glass is broken.

- Well, probably in the struggle. Quick. - Pick up the glass.

You realize this is our first piece of really tangible proof?

That's the last.

Will you please give me those spectacles? They belong to me.

- My spectacles, please! - Yours? Are you sure?

[Speaking Italian]

Ah, naughty, naughty. You know, that's a very large nose for a very small pair of spectacles.

That's the game, is it? Let's see about that!

Those are Miss Froy's glasses, and you know it. She's been in here, and you know that too.

[Both Grunting]

Don't stand hopping about like a referee. Cooperate. Kick him. See if he's got a false bottom.

Wait a minute. I'll get him up.

[Both Grunting]

Ow! That doesn't help!

Quick! Pull his ears back!

Give 'em a twist. Yeah. That's it.

[Muttering]

Look out. He's got a knife!

Quick. Get a hold of it before he cuts a slice off me.

[Iris Grunting] I can't reach it.

Will you -

- [Groans] - Well done. That's it.

We know how that thing works. Come out of there.

Is he out, do you think? Anyway, we've gotta hide him somewhere.

What's in here?

Hurry up quick, before he comes to.

It's empty. Bring him along.

Come on.

- [Gasping] - Oh, no, you don't.

[Both Sighing]

- Oh. - What's the matter?

Garlic. I'll be all right in a minute.

- Here. Hold on to this. - Oh, yes.

Let's tie him up. Oh, well. We're getting somewhere at last.

We definitely know that Miss Froy was on this train...

and we know our friend here had something to do with it.

That ought to keep him quiet until we find her.

Ah. Hard work, but worth it.

- Uh, let's have the evidence. - Evidence?

- Yes, the glasses. - You've got them.

No, I haven't got them.

- Oh. - He's got them.

- He isn't there! - Well -

Snookered. It's a false bottom.

- [Slams Lid] - That twister. He's a contortionist.

- He's gone, all right. - Yes, to find the others and make more trouble. We're in a nasty jam, my dear.

- We can't fight the whole train. We need allies. - Yes, but who can we trust?

- That's the snag. - There's that Dr. Hartz person.

Yes, you're right. He might help. Come along. Let's tell him the symptoms.

All right. Oh, wait a minute.

This is the one.

Oh. He's not there.

Listen. I've just had a particularly idiotic idea.

- Mmm. I quite believe that. - But suppose that patient in there is Miss Froy.

Yes, but it didn't come on the train till after Miss Froy disappeared.

Oh, yes. Yes, that's why it's an idiotic idea.

- Come on. Let's find the doctor. - No, no, no. Wait a minute.

- What is it? - Did you notice anything wrong about that nun?

- No. - I don't think she's a nun at all. They don't wear high heels.

Yes, you're right. Listen. Did you see Madame Kummer get on the train?

- No. - Well, supposing they decoyed Miss Froy into the luggage van and hid her there.

The first stop, the patient comes aboard - head injury, all wrapped up.

The patient is Madame Kummer. Madame Kummer becomes Miss Froy and Miss Froy becomes... that.

Yes, but why should they go to all this trouble to kidnap a harmless little governess?

Perhaps it isn't a governess at all. Perhaps it's some political thing, you know?

Well, let's investigate.

Parlez-vous français?

Sprechen Sie Deutsch? [Bandrieken]

Well, you'll just have to put up with it in English. Can we take a look at your patient, please?

Thank you. Keep an eye on the nun.

[Hartz] What are you doing here?

Why are you in here? This is the most serious accident case.

You have no business to be here at all, neither of you.

Dr. Hartz, we want you to undo those bandages and let us take a look at your patient's face.

Are you out of your senses? There is no face there. Nothing but lumps of raw flesh.

Already the case has lost so much blood, nothing but a transfusion can save him.

What do you want me to do? Murder my patient?

You're quite sure that this is your patient?

We believe it's Miss Froy.

Miss Froy? You can't be serious.

Whatever put such ideas into your heads?

I understand she's deaf and dumb.

- But she may lip-read. - Oh, well, that's possible.

Well, in that case, perhaps you will join me in the dining car?

I'll be with you in a moment. I want to be certain my patient hasn't been disturbed.

[Speaking Bandrieken]

How the devil do I know how they cottoned on? Somebody must have tipped them off.

You never said the old girl was English.

What difference does that make?

In a few moments, I shall order three drinks in the dining car. Mine will be Chartreuse.

Now, one of the stewards is working for us. Now listen carefully.

There's that girl again.

Seems to have recovered. Lucky it blew over.

And now, perhaps, you'll tell me what's all about.

Now listen, Doctor. Have you ever actually seen your patient?

No, I merely received a message to pick the case up and operate at Morsken.

- How do you know that it's not Miss Froy? - We believe there's been a substitution, Doctor.

- You really mean to say that you think that someone - - Um, um -

Oh. Uh, I want a green Chartreuse.

- Won't you join me? - Oh, thanks. I'd like a large brandy.

- And you? - Oh, I don't want anything.

- Oh, come on. It'll do you good. - No, really. I don't want it.

You're very tired. It will pick you up.

All right, then. Just a small one.

Uh, two brandies and a Chartreuse.

Tell me, do you know anything about the nun who's looking after your patient?

Nun? No. Only that she is from a convent close to where the accident occurred.

Don't you think it's rather peculiar that she's wearing high-heeled shoes?

Oh, is she?

Well, that is rather - rather curious, isn't it?

It's a conspiracy. That's all it can be.

All these people on the train say they haven't seen Miss Froy, but they have.

We know that, because just now in the luggage van -

- She's off again. - Hope she doesn't create another scene.

Put the lid on our getting back in time, if she did.

And then this fellow from the carriage - Doppo's his name -

He came along and grabbed the glasses.

Yeah. We went for him and had a bit of a fight.

- Oh, a fight? - Mm-hmm.

- We knocked him out. - Oh.

Shh!

- He seems to have made a speedy recovery. - Yes. All that's just bluff.

- Here. - [Bandrieken]

Oh, but how could he be involved in a conspiracy?

[Chuckles] Look at him, the poor fellow. He's just a harmless traveler.

He's also a music hall artist making a tour of Bandrika.

- Well? - Well, the baroness's husband is minister of propaganda.

One word from her and his tour would be canceled.

- Oh, I see. - As for the stewards, if they don't do what they're told...

they've got a nice cozy brick wall to lean up against.

But - But - Tell me about... the two English travelers. They-They also denied seeing her.

Yes. Just British diplomacy, Doctor.

"Never climb a fence if you can sit on it." It's an old Foreign Office proverb.

What I cannot understand is, why should anyone want to dispose of the old lady?

Yes. Well, that's just what stumps us, but all we know is that she was here on this train...

and now she's...

gone.

Well, if you're right, it means the whole train is against us.

Well, what are we going to do?

Well, in view of what you just told me, I-I-I shall risk examining the patient.

- Come on. - Wait a minute, however -

But one moment. Uh, we mustn't act suspicious.

Behave as if nothing had happened.

[Clears Throat] Drink. That'll steady your nerves.

To our health...

and may our enemies, if they exist, be unconscious of our purpose.

Let's go. We must hurry now.

Come on. Drink up.

[Hartz] Wait in here.

There you are.

- Anything wrong? - Nothing...

except they noticed you were wearing high heels.

However, it makes no difference.

We shall reach Morsken in three minutes.

Quite an eventful journey.

- Well? - Yes. The patient is Miss Froy.

She will be taken off the train at Morsken, in about three minutes.

She will be removed to the hospital there and operated on.

Unfortunately, the operation will not be successful.

Oh, I should perhaps have explained.

The operation will be performed... by me.

Hmm.

You see, I am in this, uh, conspiracy, as you term it.

You are a very alert young couple...

but it's quite useless for you to think, as you are undoubtedly doing, of a way out of your dilemma.

The drinks you had just now, I regret to say, contained a quantity of Hydrocin.

For your benefit, Hydrocin is a very little-known drug...

which has the effect, in a small quantity, of paralyzing the brain...

and rendering the victim unconscious for a considerable period.

In a slightly larger quantity, of course, it induces madness.

However, you have my word the dose was a normal one.

In a very few moments now, you will join your young friend.

Need I say how sorry I am, having to take such a -

How shall I say - melodramatic course?

But your persistent meddling made it necessary.

- You all right? You must have fainted. - Did I?

Listen. There's a woman next door going to be murdered...

and we've got to get moving before this stuff takes effect.

Well, uh - I did read once that if you keep on the go, you can stay awake.

Right. Come on. Let's get going.

It's locked.

We can't go that way. We'd be spotted.

- You can't do that! - Don't worry. It's only next door.

You carry on keeping fit - uh, touch your toes, stand on your head.

Do anything, only whatever you do, don't fall asleep.

[Whistle Blows]

Go on. You needn't be afraid. It is Miss Froy.

It's all right. You haven't been drugged.

He told me to put something in your drink, but I didn't do it.

What the devil are you? He said you were deaf and dumb.

Oh, never mind about that now. If you want to save her, you've got to hurry.

Hartz will be back in a minute. What's gonna happen then?

If we can hold them off till we get past Morsken...

the frontier's a few miles beyond the station.

[Gasps, Muffled Shouting]

[Nun] Here. No, come on. There's still time.

- [Speaking Bandrieken] - [Speaking Italian]

[Speaking Bandrieken]

That's Morsken. You finished?

Come on, Miss Froy.

- Oh! - Cut it out, kid. You're not drugged. I'll explain later.

- Abracadabra. - Miss Froy!

- Oh. - Oh, I can't believe it!

- Thank you, my dear. Thank you very much. - Careful!

- Ready? - Yes.

[Speaking Bandrieken]

[Continues]

- You all right, Miss Froy? - Yes, thank you.

It's rather like the rush hour on the underground.

Look. We're slowing down.

[Man Shouting In Bandrieken]

Look out.

[No Audible Dialogue]

[Shouting Continues]

[Speaking Bandrieken]

I'm sorry you've had such an uncomfortable journey, Miss Froy.

[Gasps]

[Speaking Bandrieken]

[Shouting Continues]

Get back on the train.

[No Audible Dialogue]

I hope nothing goes wrong. Aren't we stopping rather a long time?

The ambulance is going. We'll be off in a jiffy.

[Train Horn Blows]

Another couple of minutes, we'll be over the border.

[Speaking Bandrieken]

I know I've been well paid, and I've done plenty of dirty work for it...

but this was murder and... sh-she was an Englishwoman.

- You are Bandriekan? - My husband was, but I'm English...

and you were going to butcher her in cold blood.

Your little diversion made it necessary not only to remove the lady in question...

but two others as well.

- You can't do that. - Also, it would be unwise of us...

to permit the existence of anyone who cannot be trusted.

- You wouldn't dare. I know too much. - Precisely.

I think we're over the border now.

- You can come out, Miss Froy. - Oh. Oh, bless me.

- What an unpleasant journey. - Never mind.

- You shall have a corner seat for the rest of the way. - Okay.

- Ah. - There you are.

Okay. Now that it's over, I think you ought to tell us what it's all about.

- [Woman Screaming] - What was that scream?

- Surely it was only the train whistle. - It wasn't. It was a woman.

[Froy] Be careful.

They've rumbled. We're on a branchline and they've slipped the rear part of the train.

- Oh, dear. Oh, dear. - Look here. Who are you...

and why are these people going to these lengths to get hold of you?

I haven't the faintest idea. I - I'm a children's governess, you know.

I can only think they've made some terrible mistake.

Why are you holding out on us? Tell us the truth!

You got us involved in this fantastic plot, you might at least trust us.

I really don't know. I -

I wonder if there's anybody else left on the train.

Well, there's only the dining car in front, but there won't be anybody there now.

What do you make it? Teatime.

Well, all the English will be there. I'm going to take a look.

Come on. We'd better stick together.

There's the old girl turned up.

Told you it was a lot of fuss about nothing. Bolt must have jammed.

I've got something to say. Will you all please listen?

An attempt has been made to abduct this lady by force.

- I've got reason to believe that the people who did it are going to try again. - [Charters] What's the fellow driveling about?

If you don't believe me, you can look out of the window. This train's been diverted onto a branchline.

- What are you talking about? Abductions, diverted trains - - We're telling you the truth!

I'm not in the least interested. Y-You've annoyed us enough with your ridiculous story.

My dear chap, you must have got hold of the wrong end of the stick somewhere.

- Yes. Things like that just don't happen. - We're not in England now.

- I don't see what difference that makes. - We're stopping.

Do you see those cars? They're here to take Miss Froy away.

Nonsense. Look. There go a couple of people.

The cars have obviously come to pick them up.

In that case, why go to the trouble of uncoupling the train and diverting it?

- Uncoupling? - There's nothing left of the train beyond the sleeping car.

- There must be. Our bags are in the first-class carriage. - Not any longer.

- Would you like to come and look? - If this is a practical joke, I warn you, I shan't think it very funny.

Good Lord!

Let's have some of that brandy.

- You don't suppose there's something in this, uh, fellow's story, Caldicott, do you? - Seems a bit queer.

[Charters] I mean, after all, people don't go about tying up nuns.

[Coughing]

Someone's coming!

They can't possibly do anything to us. We're British subjects.

I have come to offer the most sincere apologies.

An extremely serious incident has occurred.

An attempt has been made to interfere with passengers on this train.

- [Whispering] - Fortunately, it was brought to the notice of the authorities...

and so if you will be good enough to accompany me to Morsken...

I will inform the British embassy at once.

Ladies and gentlemen, the cars are at your disposal.

We're very grateful. It's lucky some of you fellows understand English.

- Well, I was at Oxford. - Really? So was I. What year?

Hold on. This woman seems to be trying to say something.

- I don't understand the language and it may be important. Would you - - Certainly.

That's fixed him. That's all right. He's only stunned.

- What the blazes did you do that for? - Well, I was at Cambridge.

What's that got to do with it? You heard what he said, didn't you?

I heard what she said. That was a trick to get us off the train.

I don't believe it. The man's explanation was quite satisfactory.

Thing like this might cause a war.

[Speaking Bandrieken]

I'm going outside, tell them what's occurred.

- It's up to us to apologize and put the matter right. - What? Look -

[Bandrieken]

- You were right. Do you mind, old man? - Certainly.

- Look as if they mean business. - I'm afraid so.

- They can't do anything. It would mean an international situation. - It's happened before.

- They're coming. - Don't let them in! They'll murder us.

They daren't let us go now.

- I order you to surrender at once. - Nothing doing. Come any nearer, I'll fire.

I've warned you.

Better take cover. They'll start any minute now.

Nasty jam, this. Don't like the look of it.

- Got plenty of ammunition? - Whole pouch full.

- Good. - Duck down, you!

- I'm not gonna fight. It's madness. - It'll be safer to protest down here.

Hello. They're trying to work round to the other side.

You're behaving like a pack of fools!

What chance have we got against a lot of armed men?

You heard what the mother superior said. We surrender now, we're in for it.

We'll never get to the match now.

- [Margaret] Give it to me. - No.

- Give it to me! - [Gunshots]

- What's going on here? - He's got a gun and he won't use it.

What's the idea?

- Well, I told you. I won't be a party to this sort of thing. I don't believe in fighting! - Pacifist, eh?

Won't work, old boy. Early Christians tried it and got thrown to the lions. Come on. Hand it over.

- [Gunshots Continue] - [Margaret Screams]

I'm not afraid to use it.

- Probably more used to it. I once won a box of cigars. - [Gunshot]

He's talking rot. He's a damn good shot.

Hope the old hand hasn't lost its cunning.

You know, I'm half inclined to believe...

that there's some rational explanation to all this.

- Rotten. Only knocked his hat off. - [Screams]

- [Gunshots Continue] - Do you mind if I talk to you for a minute?

- What, now? - Yes, I - Please forgive me, but it's very important.

Hang on to this for me, will you?

- All right. I'll hold the fort. - I think it's safer along here. You come too.

Keep your head low.

[Gunshots Continue]

I just wanted to tell you... that I must be getting along now.

But you can't! You'll never get away. You'll be shot down.

- I must take that risk. Listen carefully. - [Gunshots Continue]

In case I'm unlucky and you get through...

I want you to take back a message to a Mr. Callendar at the Foreign Office in Whitehall.

- Then you are a spy. - I always think that's such a grim word.

- Well, what is the message? - It's a tune.

- Tune? - It contains - in code, of course -

the vital clause of a secret pact between two European countries.

- I want you to memorize it. - Well, go ahead.

The first part of it goes like this -

♪♪ [Vocalizing]

- [Gunshot] - Oh, perhaps I'd better write it down. Have you got a piece of paper?

No, don't bother. I was brought up on music. I can memorize anything.

Very well. ♪♪ [Vocalizing]

- Hello. The old girl's gone off her rocker. - I don't wonder.

Why don't you face it? Those swine out there will go on firing till they've killed the lot of us.

For goodness' sake. Shut up, Eric.

- ♪♪ [Vocalizing] - That's right. Now we've got two chances instead of one.

- You bet. - You sure you'll remember it?

- Oh, don't worry. I won't stop whistling it. - [Gunshots]

- I suppose this is my best way out. - Yes, just about.

But you may be hit, and even if you do get away, they'll stop you at the frontier.

- We can't let her go like this! - This is a hell of a risk you're taking.

In this sort of job, one must take risks.

I'm very grateful to you both for all you've done.

I do hope and pray no harm will come to you...

and that we shall all meet again... one day.

- I hope so too. Good luck. - Good luck.

- [Gunshots Continue] - Will you help me?

Yes. Right.

- Now you take the weight on this. Yes. - Hold on.

- Hold your shirt. - Right you are.

Good-bye.

[Gunshots Continue]

- [Shouting In Bandrieken] - [Gunshot]

- Was she hit? - I'm not sure.

[Gunshots]

Well, that's the end of my 12.

There's not much left here either.

Listen. We've only got one chance now.

We've got to get this train going, drive it back to the main line and then try and cross the frontier.

That's a bit of a tall order, isn't it? Those driver fellows are not likely to do as you tell them.

- [Gunshots Continue] - We'll bluff them with this.

- Who's coming? - You can count on me. - Me too.

Well, we can't all go. You stay here and carry on.

If we have any luck, we'll stop the train when we reach the points.

- You jump out and switch them over. - [Charters] Okay.

You idiots. You're just inviting death.

I've had enough.

Just because I have the sense to try and avoid being murdered, I'm accused of being a pacifist.

All right. I'd rather be called a rat than die like one.

Think for a moment, will you?

If we give ourselves up, they daren't murder us in cold blood.

- They're bound to give us a trial. - Stop jibbering, Eric. Nobody's listening to you.

Very well. You go your way. I'll go mine.

- Hey, where you off to? - I know what I'm about.

- I'm doing the only sensible thing. - Oh, let the fellow go if he wants to.

You don't understand. I'm -

[Gasps]

[Gunshots Continue]

[Sobs] No, please.

Why aren't we going? Why aren't we going?

They said we were going. Why aren't we?

If only he can get us away now. He must!

There's only one left. I'll keep that for a sitter.

They're moving away from the cars. They're coming towards us.

Pity we haven't a few more rounds.

It's funny. I told my husband, when I left him, that I wouldn't see him again.

[Sobbing] Gilbert. Gilbert!

- By gad, we're off. - This gives us a chance.

[Locomotive Chugging]

Go on. Keep going.

- [Hissing] - I say. Do you know how to control this thing?

I watched the fellow start it. Anyway, I know something about it.

- Once drove a miniature engine on the Dymchurch line. - Good. I'll look out for the points.

The blighters are chasing us. Look.

We can't have far to go.

It's time for my little job changing the points.

Thank heavens we shall be in neutral territory.

That will not be necessary.

I'm sorry, but the points, as you call them, will not be changed over.

Will you please be seated.

- There they are, just ahead of us. Think you can stop it? - Hope so.

Keep quite still until my friends arrive.

- [Mouthing Words] - If anyone moves, I'm afraid I shall have to shoot.

There's just one thing you don't know, Captain.

There's only one bullet left in that gun, and if you shoot me, you'll give the others a chance.

You're in rather a difficult position, aren't you?

Sit down, please.

All right.

Where the devil's Charters?

Go ahead! She's done it.

[Caldicott] Quick!

- [Gunshots Continue] - [Gasps] Oh!

It's all right. It's just my leg.

[Bandrieken]

Or as they say in English, jolly good luck to them.

- ♪♪ [Whistling] - My word, I'm glad all that's over, aren't you?

Heaven knows what the government will say about all this.

- Nothing at all. They'll hush it up. - What?

- ♪♪ [Whistling Continues] - [Train Whistle Blows]

Hey, take your hand off that thing. I've got to remember a tune.

- Remember? - ♪♪ [Continues]

[Brakes Squealing]

- ♪♪ [Humming] - Porter, sir?

Uh, no, thanks.

- Well, we're home, Gilbert. - ♪♪ [Continues]

Can't you stop humming that awful tune? You must know it backwards.

I'm not taking any risks. ♪♪ [Vocalizes]

- Charles be here to meet you? - I expect so.

♪♪ [Vocalizing] Well, you'll be pretty busy between now and Thursday.

I could meet you for lunch or dinner, if you'd like it.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I -

No, as a matter of fact, I've got to deliver this theme song for Miss Froy.

When I've done that, I'm gonna dash off to Yorkshire and finish my book.

I see.

- Ready? - Yes.

Ample time to catch the 6:50 to Manchester after all.

Yes.

♪♪ [Vocalizing]

- Any sign of Charles yet? - No. I can't see him.

Well, this is where we say good-bye.

Oh, what's the matter?

- [Door Closes] - [Chuckles] Charles?

Yes, you heartless, callous, selfish, swollen-headed beast.

[Clicks Tongue] Are you going anywhere?

[Gilbert] Foreign Office.

[Both Laughing]

- Where are we going for our honeymoon? - I don't know. Somewhere quiet.

- Somewhere where there are no trains. - [Chuckles]

Mr. Callendar will see you now.

- Wait a minute. It's gone. - What's gone?

- The tune. I've forgotten it. - No. Oh, no!

Wait a minute. Let me concentrate.

- ♪♪ [Vocalizing] - No, no, no, no. That's "The Wedding March."

This is awful! I've done nothing else but sing it since the day before yesterday, and -

and now I've forgotten it completely.

♪♪ [Piano]

♪♪ [Continues]

♪♪ [Ends]

- Miss Froy. - [Gilbert] Well, I'll be had.