Original subtitles

Now that's what I call a body.

They sure knew how to put them together in the old country.

The old family coach. You know, that body was handmade.

What a fun car.

Oh, look, isn't that Uncle Boris?

That's Uncle Boris, all right.

He was a real swinger.

Look at this.

It must be some sort of beauty contest.

Herman, that's your wedding picture.

No wonder they're such attractive people.

The date's right here in the corner: 1865.

Eight...

Herman, doesn't that date mean anything to you?

Let me see...

Oh, yeah, I've got it. That was the beginning of the War of 1812.

No, 1865.

That means that this Saturday, you and Lily will have been married 100 years!

Oh, boy! Our anniversary.

And Lily hasn't mentioned anything about it.

You know what I'm gonna do, Grandpa? This Saturday, I'm gonna surprise her...

and buy her a wonderful gift.

A gift. Good, Herman, good. What kind of a gift?

Something that will make her kiss me...

and throw her arms around me and hug me to pieces.

Herman, okay, all right. Herman, you're 150 years old.

Don't line up anything you can't handle.

Just think, Aunt Lily...

this Saturday it will be 100 years since you and Uncle Herman were married.

Oh, yes.

I'll never forget the reception in the old family mausoleum.

I tell you, some people got up and danced...

who hadn't danced in years.

What do you think Uncle Herman will give you for your anniversary?

I don't know, but I'm going to surprise him with a beautiful gift.

Do you think he's forgotten your anniversary?

Of course he has. You know how things keep flying in and out of his head.

Sometimes I think I should get the doctor to put in screens.

Oh, looky what we've got for dessert.

Cherries Jubilee.

Thank you, Marilyn. You forgot to light it.

Here, Lily.

Allow me.

Heck, Grandpa, I wanted to light my own.

Speaking of what each of us is gonna do this Saturday...

I was wondering if you had any particular plans, dear.

This Saturday? Why do you ask, Herman?

Well, I just thought if you didn't have any special plans...

I might finish up a little work down at the parlor.

You're going to work at the parlor Saturday?

We had a little explosion in the back room

and things are still kind of up in the air.

Did you have any plans?

Oh, no. No.

I'll go get some coffee.

Just a minute, Marilyn. I'll help you.

I'm gonna give some of my dessert to Spot, while it's still burning.

Come and get it, Spot.

You know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna surprise Lily.

We have $1,200 in our bank account. I'm going to draw out $1,000...

and buy her a super-neato present.

Something really ring-a-ding-ding.

Aunt Lily, did you hear what Uncle Herman said about working Saturday?

That means he's completely forgotten your wedding anniversary.

I know he did.

But this gives me a chance to really surprise him.

Marilyn, I'm going to take $1,000 out of our bank account...

and get him a fantastic present.

You got a problem, Brenton? Oh, yes, Mr. Hoglan.

These two checks just came in at the same time, against the Munster account.

They're both for $1,000.

Well, how much is in the account? Only $1,200.

There's nothing we can do about it.

Just send them both back marked "Insufficient Funds."

Oh, goody! I just love to use that rubber stamp.

How do you like that?

Herman, will you stop waving that thing in front of my face?

I've seen bum checks before.

Grandpa, how could they do this to such a sweet fellow...

who just wants to buy his wife a wedding present?

Now what am I gonna do?

Herman, there's only one thing you can do: moonlight.

You get a part-time job at night to earn enough money to buy Lily a present.

But Lily might get suspicious if I got extra-curricular nocturnal employment.

Herman, then all you have to do is tell Lily you're working late at the parlor.

Then when you've earned enough money to buy her the present, you quit.

That's a good idea.

That's a good idea.

You know, Grandpa...

when the chips are down, it's nice to have a no-good sneak like you to turn to.

"Insufficient funds." It's a disgrace.

We Draculas have always had a little something...

tucked away in the vault for a rainy day.

I guess you'll just have to get Uncle Herman...

a less expensive anniversary present.

Oh, that's a shame.

Wait a minute.

Maybe I could take a part-time job to earn the money?

Well, you could do that, Aunt Lily.

What do you suppose happened to the bank balance?

Well, you know, there's always such a lot of expense when you raise a family.

Last year, Eddie's teeth started coming in straight...

and we had to buy a new pair of braces.

Of course, it was worth it.

I wouldn't want that boy going through life with false fangs.

I'm gonna get down there this morning.

Herman, let me give you a piece of advice.

When you talk to the interviewer...

you're a charming, good-looking fellow. Don't spoil it by being aggressive.

Thank you, Grandpa.

"Don't spoil things by being aggressive."

Herman, what are you doing?

I'm writing it down in my goody book.

Oh, boy.

Herman, I thought you'd left for the parlor.

Just leaving, dear.

Lily, I won't be home for dinner.

I'm working overtime at the parlor tonight.

As a matter of fact, I'm working late every night this week.

Well, Uncle Herman, you just keep working hard for Mr. Gateman...

and maybe this Thanksgiving he'll give us another beautiful turkey.

Yes. Remember the one last year?

It looked so natural, lying on the platter...

with its legs folded across its chest.

Well, toodle-oo. Come on, Grandpa. Walk me to the car.

That's a break, Aunt Lily.

With Uncle Herman working every night...

you'll be able to take a part-time job in the evenings.

Yes.

Marilyn, I'm going down for an interview this morning.

The Cleaver Employment Agency.

Come in.

I'm Mr. Munster. They said I was next.

Yes, Munster.

I'll close the door. There must be a draft in here.

You see, there? You do have a chill.

You really must keep out of these drafts.

I'll be all right in a minute.

Are you applying for employment?

Yes, I was looking for some night work.

Offhand, I'd say that your chances are infinitely better...

of acquiring the night position...

as opposed to going out in the daylight.

I mean, I think you'd do fine. Working at night.

Well, you see, I already do have a day job. I work in a funeral parlor.

And, frankly, I really dig it.

Excuse me.

Let me get that straight.

You say your previous employment was as a nurse's aide.

That's right, Mr. Walpole, with Florence Nightingale.

You say you'd like to take a job under your maiden name.

What is your maiden name? Dracula.

Dracula? I don't believe we've ever had a Dracula in here before.

Oh, really?

It's a very common, down-to-earth name in Transylvania.

Excuse me, I think I need another drink of water.

Thirsty, Parker? Yes. I kind of ran into a tough one.

Really? Well...

say, old buddy, how would you like to trade interviews?

You got a rough one?

No. Mine's strictly routine. Just thought I'd help you out.

Thank you, old man.

It sure is a shame you had to go through five different interviewers today...

down at the employment agency.

At least they finally gave you a job.

That's right, Marilyn.

I'll be working every night this week at the shipyards.

Don't you look chic in your welding ensemble.

Thank you, dear.

You know, the man said the job would not only pay me...

enough to buy Herman a present...

but would keep me off the streets at night.

Wonder what he could have meant by that?

♪ Mama's little baby loves shortnin', shortnin' ♪

♪ Mama's little baby loves shortnin' bread ♪

♪ Mama's little ♪♪

What's the matter, Grandpa?

Don't you recognize your own son-in-law, the welder?

Herman, you gum-brain. What are you doing in that ridiculous outfit?

Well, guy, Grandpa. I got a job.

I'm working down the shipyards every night.

And I'll be making enough money...

so I can get a real neato anniversary present for Lily.

Besides, on a job like this, you meet some very interesting people.

Peek-a-boo.

Oh, boy, Marilyn. I've got a secret to tell you that I just can't keep.

But I have a secret to tell you. Now, let me tell mine first.

Wait a minute. I'll tell... It's very important...

Wait a minute, I've got it.

We'll both tell our secrets at the same time.

I suppose we could.

Okay. On your mark, get set, go.

Herman's working at the shipyards! Lily's working at the shipyards!

That's funny, I thought you said Uncle Herman's working at the shipyard.

And I thought I heard you say that Lily's working at the shipyard.

Which, of course, is preposterous. No, it isn't, Grandpa.

Aunt Lily is working at the shipyards. The Crosby Shipyards.

But that's where Herman is working. The Crosby Shipyards.

Isn't that touching?

Each one of them got a job to give the other an anniversary present.

But, Marilyn, wait a minute.

If they both find out that they're working there, it'll spoil it for both of them.

We'll just make a promise not to tell either one of them.

Okay, good. And we'll swear it in blood.

We'll just shake hands.

I'm shaking hand, but I'm thinking blood.

Well, Herman, how did your first night go on your new job?

Grandpa, I had a blast.

I met a welding partner who's a very wonderful person.

What kind of a man is he?

Well, he isn't exactly a man.

Then he's a boy.

No, he isn't a boy, either.

Herman, if your welding partner is not a man...

and he's not a boy, what is he?

He's a girl.

Oh, you met someone your first night on the job?

Yes, Marilyn, working right next to me.

And we had such fun trying to communicate through all that noise.

I guess they're taking on lots of women again at the shipyards.

I suppose she's a typical American housewife like you.

She's not exactly a housewife.

A little more rugged. You mean, she's sort of a tomboy?

Well, no.

She's just sort of...

a plain, ordinary boy.

You mean your welding partner is a man?

Aunt Lily.

Burn. Burn. Burn.

Another toasted marshmallow?

Thank you, Grandpa.

I don't like the idea of Aunt Lily talking to some strange man on her job.

Especially with Uncle Herman at the same shipyards.

Suppose he saw them?

Listen, Herman has his eye on some cutie down there.

Suppose Lily saw them?

I guess there's no chance of that.

There are thousands of people working at that shipyard.

Yes.

Herman, I still don't think...

that you should be horsing around with that lady welder.

There's no telling who might find out.

It might even get back to Lily.

Lily who? Lily, your wife.

I think any woman who forgets her husband's 100th wedding anniversary...

has no call to be jealous.

Anyway, that lady welder and I are just friends.

Just because I'm a welder, you know,

doesn't mean I'm carrying the torch for her.

Fine. Okay, Herman, but may I ask you something?

Why are you making so many sandwiches?

I just thought if at work my co-worker gets hungry...

she might like to dip into my lunch pail as a gesture of friendship.

Aunt Lily, I hate to give you advice, but if I were you...

I wouldn't encourage that welder friend of yours at work tonight.

I'm not going to encourage him, Marilyn.

I'm just going to share my supper with him.

But, I think if Uncle Herman found out he'd be very upset.

How could he find out? He's working at the parlor nights.

Anyway, a husband who forgets his anniversary...

doesn't deserve too much consideration.

Hope my friend likes bat milk yogurt.

Badge number 13, report to me at once.

Badge 13, report at once.

Boar's head knackwurst.

Bat's milk yogurt.

He must like the same thing I do.

Heavens to Betsy!

Could this provocative stranger...

be my husband, Herman?

The Admiral is making a little inspection trip. So keep on your toes.

Aye, aye, sir.

Badge number seven, report to me, please.

Badge number seven.

Boar's head knackwurst sandwiches.

And bat's milk yogurt.

Just like Lily makes me at home.

Isn't that a coinci...

Lily.

Gadzooks.

I've been flirting with my own wife.

The Admiral's making an inspection trip.

Now he's a stickler on workers' morale.

So let's be on the ball when he gets here.

Everything will be shipshape in my section, sir.

I hope.

This is Admiral Melford.

He's making a little inspection to boost the workers' morale.

Take off your helmets and say hello.

Come on, take them off.

Flirt with a stranger in the shipyards, will you?

Is that any way to respect our marriage?

What are you talking about?

You were flirting with a big goon and you didn't even know it was me.

Shame, shame, shame.

Herman Munster, I'll teach you. Take that.

You two-timer.

Poyer, this is the worst morale I've ever seen.

These people are fired.

Aunt Lily, Uncle Herman, you're acting like a couple of children.

Now, listen, you two. I've got this whole thing figured out.

After you hear what I have to say...

your marriage will be all peaches and cream again.

I hate peaches. I hate cream.

You both got jobs at the shipyard. You worked side by side.

And you both wore welding masks, so you weren't known to each other.

Herman didn't know who I was...

so he thought he was flirting with somebody else.

Flirt, flirt, flirt, flirt, flirt.

Now wait a minute. You were unknown to each other, but still attracted.

Underneath, there was still that spark of romance.

Even under the masks, you knew you were made for each other.

You two fell in love with each other all over again. Sight unseen.

And do you know what day it is?

Happy anniversary, Lily.

Happy anniversary, Hermie.

To think that you were working down at those shipyards...

just to buy me a present.

And to think that you were working down there to buy me one.

And now we both got fired...

and we have nothing. Oh, yes, we do. We have each other.

Isn't that neat? Isn't that touching?

Isn't that romantic?

Isn't that sickening?