Original subtitles

Thank you for being a friend.

Travel down the road and back again.

Your heart is true.

You're a pattern of confidence.

And if you threw a party, a party that you won't do,

you wouldn't be the man. You wouldn't be the man.

Thank you for being a friend. Thank you for being a friend.

I'm looking for a vacation spot for Sophia.

Oh, good. She might as well go on vacation. She doesn't do anything around

Oh, that's not true. She tries very hard.

Look, she's been cleaning that spot for an hour.

Sophia.

Sophia.

Sophia. Sophia.

Why don't you go on up to your room if you're going to sleep?

I'm not sleeping. I'm taking a nap.

What's the difference?

Big difference. You never hear anyone say she went peacefully in her nap.

Come on.

Sit down right here.

How does this sound?

Lie down on the peaceful shores of Lake Michigan.

Quiet surroundings, tree line, walkways.

It was just a nap. I don't need a burial plot. I'm alive.

I'm alive.

We're not going to bury you. We just want you to take vacation.

Oh, forget it. I remember my last vacation.

Dorothy said we were going to Club Med.

Turns out she was taking me to Shady Pines. Club dead.

Blanche and I have already talked about this.

Now, the hotel is pretty quiet this week. Rose is right, darling. You've

awful tired lately. This way you'll come back rejuvenated.

I don't need a rest. Will you stop treating me like an old woman? Do I

like a deluded middle -aged tart?

Yes. All right, then, carry on.

Honey, the rest of us can easily split up the little bit of work you do around

here. Little bit of work? I hardly have enough fingers to count all the things I

do around here.

Really? Why don't you give it a try?

I pick up all the spare change in the couch.

I think we'll manage.

Hey, Roland, what's up? Hey, Chewy. Hey, man, have you ever had corporate

headhunters come after you? You know, offer you, like, a really great job for

really big money?

Yeah, I had an international corporation after me once. Other than the house

pancakes.

No.

Well, look, this guy from the Carlton Hotel chain just took me out to dinner.

They want to hire me, man.

Wow, that sounds really big.

Yeah, it's kind of cool. I'm not going to take the job, but it was really

flattering. Ah, hey, you know what you should do?

Tell the ladies about this and force them to give you a raise. No, man, I'm

going to put them in a squeeze play like that.

And I don't want you to say anything about it because you know how the ladies

worry, all right? Okay. My lips are seals.

Come on, be serious, man. You've got to promise me.

Okay, I promise.

Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.

Jab a fork right through my nose, sever both my little toes. Rub a chainsaw

through my thighs, pull my colon out my eyes.

Can't you see I'm busy? I'm 16 cents away from a Slurpee.

What is it, Rose?

She's trying to tell us something. What is it, girl? Timmy is stuck in a well?

We are in big trouble. I was just downtown, and I saw Roland having lunch

the owner of the Carlton Hotel.

So? So!

Oh, he is in the hearts.

Well, why else would he be having lunch with that man?

Uh, Chewy, do you know anything about this?

Well, I promised I wouldn't say anything.

All right, I guess I can give you guys one clue.

Roland's been offered a job at a really good hotel.

Oh, we're never going to guess this.

I'm afraid if you guys don't do something, you're going to lose him.

would never even dream of leaving the Golden Palace. I don't know about that,

man. This is a great opportunity. More money, paid vacation, excellent

more money.

He's really excited about the opportunity.

Well, maybe we should give him a raise. He deserves it. We cannot afford a raise

right now. And frankly, I am shocked that he would even think about going

someplace else.

I consider this a personal affront. Oh, Blanche, of course Roland has to think

about his own career.

We just have to find the money for that raise.

There must be something we could sell in the hotel.

Perfect. Then we're agreed. We'll sell something in the hotel.

Wait a minute. What about me?

Well, I don't think men are going to pay for something they already are getting

for free.

Oh, I'm sorry. Of course.

Blanche, do you honestly think anybody would pay to sleep with you?

I'm talking about the situation with Roland, Rose.

We can't afford to keep him just by selling some furniture.

There must be something we're spending money on here that we don't need.

Maybe we'd better just let nature take its course on that one.

Oh, Sophia, have you looked into making airline reservations for your vacation?

Forget it, I'm not going. Besides, I saw that movie Alive. My plane goes down,

I'm brunch.

I'm sorry, honey, you have to go on a vacation. That's that.

What if something happens at the hotel and you need me? We're not going to need

you.

Fine. You want me to go on a vacation, I'll go on a vacation.

Good, honey. And you're right about this. You'll see. You're going to have

time of your life. I sure am.

Check again.

Come on, move it. I want to get out to the pool. I'm losing the sun.

You're staying here?

You said I have to go on vacation. You didn't say where. Now give me a key.

Sophia, you already have a key to your room. I'm not staying in that hole.

I want the penthouse.

And a video of Donavici in Cocoon.

And I want some eye candy.

Now this is terrible.

Well, it is her vacation.

If she wants to spend it here, it's her decision. Oh, it's not that?

Don't you remember what happened the last time she went into the pool?

Oh, it wasn't that bad.

She made a game out of diving for her teeth.

Those kids had a good time.

Besides, they brush regularly now.

Hey, ladies.

Here's Roland.

Remember you said you wanted to talk to him? Oh, yes, Chewy. As a matter of

fact, we did.

Roland, you've been working really hard lately. Yes, he has. It's very good of

you to notice.

Excuse me, Chewie. I hope this isn't about what we were discussing yesterday.

What? I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't either.

I don't know anything.

Well, there's a tattoo for your forehead.

Look, Rowan, I don't want to play this game.

Game? Chewie told us about your job offer.

Chewie did what? He also told us you went out to lunch with those people from

the Carlton. Oh, man, you promised me.

No big deal. We're glad he told us. We'll work something out. We just have

find some more money for you. No, no, it's not about the money. Wait, wait,

wait. Forget it. Now, Rose, I told you I'd think about this.

Here's what I've come up with.

Roland, even if we had the money, I wouldn't give it to you.

You went behind my back and entertained an offer from another hotel. I don't

think things are going to work out here.

Blanche, what are you talking about? I'm sorry, Roland. You're fired.

Let me tell you something, Blanche.

I'm fired.

Oh, man, I didn't mean for this to happen.

Man, I got to go in there and talk to him.

I'm sorry, man. It's employees only.

Thank

you,

Mr. Farrell. We'll let you know.

Now, he wasn't so bad.

Oh, please.

Blanche, I don't think someone whose last job was makeup man at a morgue has

types of people skills we need for a manager.

Maybe you're right.

And I didn't like that remark he made about my makeup.

He said your makeup was perfect. I know.

Ooh.

We have interviewed 16 people.

to replace somebody we never should have lost in the first place. Please don't

start again.

I could just strangle you for firing Roland. That's all water under the

Rose. Now let's see this last applicant.

Next. Hi, Chewy Castillos, managerial candidate number 17.

You can't be the manager.

You're our chef.

Hey, I don't want to be stuck in the kitchen all my life. I have goals.

I have ambitions.

Like what?

Well, on a personal level, I'd like to date that girl from the crying game.

I didn't get her name. I left her. but boy, was she hot.

All right, let's get this over with.

It says here you're a brown man.

Actually, I prefer Chicano, but yes, I am a brown man.

No, it says here you went to Brown University in September of 73.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I did. That doesn't say when you left.

2 a .m. the next morning.

She had an early class.

I'm sorry, too. You're just not the right person for this job.

No, I'm not.

Roland was the right person, but he's not here, is he?

Oh, man, how could this day possibly get any worse?

Well, if you need me, I'll be catching the end of the crying game.

Boy, that girl had it all.

You know, I never thought I'd say this, but we could sure use Sophia's help.

Maybe we could get her to cut her vacation short.

I mean, Miami isn't that big a city.

How long could she possibly keep herself amused?

I

could do this

all day.

Sophia, honey, listen.

We've been taken by surprise. We have too many guests and not enough help.

I'm on vacation.

I know, but we're in deep trouble.

Rooms need cleaning, meals need fixing. We need your help.

Oh, now you need me. What happened to... Oh, Sophia, we can get along without

you. Well, obviously, we didn't count on Roland leaving and being so busy.

Will you help us?

Well, maybe if you show me how much it really means to you, I'll consider it.

Well, what do we have to do?

Beg.

All right, I'm begging. Please, please.

Just my hand.

Okay.

Now, a dance, Sophia.

Ah, go to hell. I'm on vacation. I'm staying on vacation.

And I want my room cleaned.

We cleaned your room twice today. When did you get so picky? When I started

paying for the room.

And, Rose, did you get the smudge off my window?

I scrubbed and scrubbed.

I'm starting to think it's the horizon.

I don't care what it is. It's ruining the view.

be in this mess if you hadn't fired Roland.

And all over a little money. That is so selfish.

Selfish? Rose, I want you to know it's the most unselfish thing I've ever done

in my life.

I only did it for his own good.

What? Oh, come on. You know we can't offer him the kind of opportunities that

Carlton can.

So you forced him to leave. Blanche, that was his decision to make. One he

would have made.

He would have sacrificed his whole future for us. Trust me.

Well, I hope you did the right thing. I did.

Oh, I know we'll miss him, but now thanks to me, Roland's on his way to a

brilliant career at a beautiful hotel.

So now you're right back where you started ten years ago, working for me.

Pick up those bikes.

Hey, Rome.

What do you want, man? I wanted to apologize, man.

If I hadn't blabbed to the ladies, they probably wouldn't have fired you.

Probably? Of course they wouldn't have fired me, Chewy.

Sorry, man. It'll never happen again.

Anyways, I called over to Carlton and they said that you didn't get the job.

What happened, man?

Well, the Carlton's not real big on hiring people who've just been fired.

I wish I knew how they found out, though.

Yeah, that is weird.

Oh, man, you told them, didn't you?

Okay. But really, that's the last time it'll ever happen, I swear.

Well, how'd you know I was here, anyway?

Well, you once told me the door was always open at your first job.

Hey, man. I'm worried about you. Aren't you worried about what this is going to

do to your hearing? Oh, yeah, that was a great game, man.

Look, man, I got you into this mess, and I'm going to make sure you get your job

back at the hotel. Look, forget it. Blanche fired me. I'm not going to go

crawling back to get my job. I don't even want you to tell him that you saw

Chewy, you got to promise me, man. I promise.

Hey, bash my head in with my spleen. Pierce my nipples. Look.

I'd drop another rung on the food chain.

Now, you say anything about this, and I'm going to kill you. My lips are

Well?

Well, what?

Did you see Roland?

I can't see him. Oh, come on. Now we know you saw him. What's his job like?

the hotel beautiful?

I'm sworn to secrecy. Is he wearing a beautiful suit?

Does he have a lot of employees under him? Stop it, stop it. Oh, now we're

going to keep badgering you until you tell us.

Badgering?

Badgering? I don't need your stinking badgering.

Look, I made a promise to Roland. This time I'm going to keep it. What is

Chewy so long?

Could he possibly not be telling her that I'm in hell?

I'm sorry, Liz. ladies. I learned my lesson. This safe cannot be cracked.

Well, all I can say is I sure miss the little sweetheart.

Oh, boy, me too. You know, you just never know how much you're going to miss

somebody till they're gone.

Yeah, you can say that again.

Oh, what the hell?

Good news, everybody. I'm back from vacation.

Yeah, that's nice.

Have no fear. Petrillo is here.

Good to hear.

She's tan. She's rested.

She's ready to crack wise.

Who, you say?

Sophia, that's who.

I thought you said you missed me. What do I have to do to get some attention

around here?

Cockwheel?

Okay, here goes.

But I should warn you, I'm not wearing underwear.

Sophia, we weren't talking about you. Can't you see we're a little depressed?

You're depressed?

I think Roland feels...

Working on the bike shack at the airport's no day at the beach.

What?

Oops.

But you said he was at the Carlton. Well, they didn't hire him because you

him. I only fired him so they'd hire him.

Oh, Rose, Julie, come on. We've got to get down there quick.

Oh, my gosh.

Go ahead. The hotel is in good hands. I'll man the desk.

Yeah, when you spend hours on your back, you get to know these things.

Oh, D .C. Chan.

Yeah.

Hi, Roland.

Rose, how'd you guys know I was here?

I told them.

The man is a sieve.

Oh, Roland, I think he prefers Chicano.

Only reason I fired you is because I didn't want to stand in the way of your

career at the Carlton. So you can't be mad at me because I was only trying to

help. Oh, so it's okay to destroy my life and totally humiliate me as long as

you have good intentions. Is that it?

Well, yeah. Isn't that what I just said?

So will you come back?

No. No, I don't know.

I kind of like it here. I mean, this is, you know, a great job.

Oh, come on, man. Don't you think spending all day in this little shack

make you stir crazy from lack of human contact?

Not at all.

Hey, don't lean on Tanya. Come on.

Oh, Roland, I really am sorry. You've got to believe that.

I would do anything to get you back.

Anything? Anything.

Beg me.

Okay, please come back. Kiss my hand.

And now, the funky chicken. Get down.

Roland.

Okay, Sophia called, and she told me to make you crawl before I gave in.

Does this mean you'll be back?

Can we go now?

Yes!

I'm so happy.

I missed you so much.

Yeah, I missed you, too. Do you know what? I think I even missed your St.

stories. Really?

Oh, well, we can fix that.

Did I ever tell you the story of Leon Kurtenstetter?

way to make more money for the hotel.

Hey, that's great.

Yeah, and if it all works out, why, Roland can have that raise.

Wait, how did you do that?

Oh, Roland, you're underestimating this girl.

Blanche is a shrewd investor, has a brilliant financial mind.

Actually, I found it in the sofa.

No, I just found some ways to cut corners.

Oh, you guys are too much. Well, I'm glad if you're happy, because I didn't

you throwing away a good opportunity to come back here.

Oh, no, not at all. In fact, I've already implemented a few ideas I picked

over there.

Hypothetically, let's say I just bit some kid on the leg.

Could they sue?

Listen, I don't know how to tell you this, but a corporate headhunter has...

approached me with a big -paying job at a hotel that I'm afraid must remain

nameless. And, well, being the loyal employee that I am, I wanted to tell

and the big raise that they're offering me is really not an issue. I just wanted

to ask you what I should do. Take it.