Original subtitles

Thank you for being a friend.

Travel down the road and back again.

episode of The Golden Palace.

Girls, Dorothy just called from the airport. She's on her way.

Group hug, everybody.

Well, I think that Ma is much too old to be working this hard, and I want her to

come back to Atlanta with me.

What? Oh, Rose, I want to thank you for yesterday.

You know, you're the only one that didn't give me any grief about marrying

Beverly. Well, I just figure it's your life.

I mean, if you want to throw it away, marrying some cheap tart and a drunken

stupor.

Who am I to object?

I can't choose between my own daughter and two women I think of as daughters.

I'm sorry.

I just can't.

Well, I don't understand. What does this mean?

It means Sophia has run away.

Oh, you have no soap. Oh, I'm so sorry about that.

We're a little short -handed right now. One of our maids ran away.

And two of our maids have gone to try to find her.

I'll get some soap right up to you.

All right, thank you so much. That'll be $3 .03.

Oh,

I'm sorry. Those towels are on their way.

Look, I don't have time for this right now. You're going to have to try me

later.

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought this was an obscene phone call.

What's wrong with your meatloaf?

Oh, well, fine. I'll get another one up to you right away.

And call me later.

Roland, Mr. Marshall got a dry piece of meatloaf. Yeah, I know, I know.

Chewy, what is the number one rule of hotel cooking?

If it doesn't look right, cover it with parsley.

Now, there's another rule.

No amount of parsley can cover up dry meatloaf. So you want to explain that

pet that you sent up to Mr. Marshall?

Yeah, I made a mistake. Big deal, man.

Name me one other time I made a mistake.

Chewy, you just got married to a complete stranger after having a single

tequila.

Name another one.

Come on, you got to focus, Chewy. That's the third order that's been sent back

today. Okay, well, maybe I'm not so happy, you know. But things are going to

just fine once we, you know, make love.

Uh -oh.

Have we found another problem that can't be covered with parsley?

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, it's her, man.

She says just because we're married doesn't mean she has to act like a

I was upset at first.

But then I realized, hey, I'm lucky.

I'm a lucky man.

Lucky, lucky, lucky.

Chewy, Chewy, Chewy, listen to me.

You are married to a woman who you don't know, who won't sleep with you. You are

this close to losing a job that you desperately need to pay for a car you

afford.

You are a spotted owl in the forest of life, Chewy.

God needed to laugh today, so he chose you.

Is this like what they call tough love?

Thank you.

Oh, Dorothy.

Any luck finding Sophia?

No, and I went to all her usual hangouts in the mall.

Did you try that geriatric shoe store she likes to hang out at? What's the

of it? Oh, Still Kicking.

Haven't seen her since last week.

Oh, well, did you try the police?

Yes, but they told me not to expect much because her description fits half the

women in Miami.

And a quarter of the men.

Oh, this is ridiculous. We're never going to find her. Now, don't you lose

heart. Rose hasn't checked in yet, and she's a good little detective.

Well, she's not at Kitty Land.

Rose, what would she be doing at Kitty Land?

Well, I usually go on the little boats.

So, did you win any prizes today?

A plastic monkey.

You're making fun of me, aren't you?

Oh, girls, let's not be mean to each other. No, that won't solve anything.

Well, there wouldn't be anything to solve if you would let me take Ma home

I wanted to.

Since when is this my fault?

Since you started forcing my mother to do hard labor.

I don't believe you said that.

Oh, if I were a lady, I'd deck you.

You try it, I'll have you on your back so fast you'll think you're out on a

date.

Stop it. This isn't going to bring Sophia back.

Now, we just have to think where she might go when she's depressed.

Wait. Did you try the cemetery?

She's only been gone a few hours, Dorothy.

It takes longer than that just to dig a grave.

Is this today's paper?

Yes. Have you read it? Yeah.

Oh, Chewie, any news of Sophia?

Nothing yet.

Oh, don't put away that cheesecake.

This is an emergency.

I think I'll join you.

Dorothy's just going to kill us.

Well, I don't care.

I am just so mad at Dorothy for telling us that we work Sophia too hard. Why,

she's got a lot of nerve.

Yeah. I still think Dorothy's full of beans, and I'm not scared to say it

to her face.

Say what to my face?

I think you look good in jeans.

Lance, you know what your problem is?

You're all talk and no action.

Just like your sex life.

What are you saying? Are you saying I'm not a tramp?

Then why do you think they called me the female Ted Kennedy?

Because you look like him.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go find my mother. Oh, Dorothy, sit down.

We're just running around in circles. Have some cheesecake.

I don't want any damn cheesecake. I want my mother.

Or are you all too thick to understand that?

All right, Dorothy, that's enough.

Ever since Sophia ran away, you've screamed and yelled and in general acted

a monster to me and to Blanche. And I'm telling you right now to cut it out.

Or what?

Did you hit me?

I feel like hitting you, too.

You do?

Ever since you left, I've been mad at you. You just deserted us, and that

You broke up our family. You left us out here all alone? For seven years, we

turned to you for everything.

And then one day, you're just gone.

Well, what about you?

I wasn't out of that house two months before you bought this hotel.

Did you ever once ask for my help? No!

Rose, you hit me once more, and you won't live long enough to

hear me say, ow.

Oh, God, I've missed you.

I'm looking for Chewy Castillos. You're looking at him, man. What can I do for

you?

You're Chewy Castillos? You look like one of the Super Mario Brothers.

Who are you?

I'm Ramon.

She never told you about me?

I'm the man who went steady with her, went to the prom with her, and have been

in love with her since we were both 14.

Oh, well, I'm the guy who just skipped all that and married her after a shot of

tequila.

Well, you're a lucky man.

She's a wonderful, beautiful woman.

I'm here to congratulate you. Hey, thanks.

And just to let you know that if you ever do anything at all to hurt her,

kill you.

I really will.

Look, she's coming right down. Why don't you talk to her, man? No, I cannot

interfere with her life. I don't want her to see me.

I don't know why she's chosen you, but she has. So, once again,

Kill.

Oh,

Chewie, did you just break it off with Beverly?

No, I didn't.

Oh, Rose.

did Rose become the strong one? I don't know.

I'm looking for the manager.

That purse. Where'd you get that purse? Some old lady left it in the back of my

cab this morning. Looks like Maz.

Bingo cards.

Brass knuckles.

Pocket edition of 101 jokes for the John.

Yes, this is Maz.

Where did you take her?

Got the log sheet right here. Let me check. Let's see. Picked her up, Golden

Palace 705.

Dropped her off at a place called Shady Pines.

Shady Pines? I thought it burned down.

Well, they must have rebuilt it, but it certainly can't be as bad as Sophia's

always made it out to be, can it, Dorothy?

Well...

Cooperated walkers?

Totally untrue. No, my mother made that up.

Ice cream cups given only to the top ten orange pickers of the day?

Not true. Anyone in the trees got ice cream.

I've got Shady Pines on the phone.

They have a phone now?

Yes, we're looking for someone who checked in this morning. Sophia

Oh, she has. She has. Well, can we speak with her?

Oh. She's in the middle of her exercise period. Oh, my God.

That's code for picking up litter on the interstate.

Ma?

It's me.

Honey, what are you doing? You sound out of breath.

Well, you know the rules here. If you don't work, you don't eat.

Ma, we're coming to get you.

Don't. I would rather spend the rest of my life in this hellhole than have you

people fight over me.

But, Ma.

Look, I can't talk now.

One of the screws is giving me the fish eye.

Goodbye, Dorothy.

Whatever you do, don't come pick me up. Let me die in peace. Don't come pick me

up. Ma!

Oh, he's coming this way.

I gotta go.

Oh, no.

He saw me.

It's too late.

It's too late. Is it too late for my massage?

Not if you're early.

How do I, all right?

If you'd like.

We have to hurry. They probably have a cleaning shellfish. They try to pass

off as arts and crafts.

Oh, my

God.

What have they done?

It's beautiful.

It's paradise.

It's a fake.

back, sweating away what's left of their lives in some devilish fluff and fold

operation.

Hello, and welcome to Shady Pines. My name is Meredith, and I'm here to help

you. What have you done with my mother, you Nazi?

Security.

The smart -looking...

Do you want to lay down on the floor and put your hands behind your back,

please, ma 'am? What kept you out of the regular police?

Manners or motor skills?

Come on.

All right, now, you back off. You take your hands off her. She's my friend.

When did you become so strong?

I don't know.

Well, I haven't had a workout like that since the orange trees, since they had

me in the orange trees.

This woman claims to be your daughter, Mrs. Petrillo. Can you verify that?

What happens to her if I don't? We call the police and have her jailed for

trespassing. I'll tell you what, let's do that for now. Ma!

Okay, she's mine, she's mine.

Okay, show's over, go on home. Go on, go on.

What are you doing here? Ma, you had us worried sick.

I hit Dorothy.

Don't lie.

No, I really did.

Oh, you did not. She did.

You shall lead us now.

Sophia, we have to talk.

You got five minutes, then I have a tennis lesson.

Ma, this is ridiculous. You can't stay here.

I have to. This is where I lived before I moved in with you three.

If I stay here, you all might be mad at me, but you won't be mad at each other,

and I won't be responsible for ruining your friendship. You are not going to

ruin our friendship. Ma, it's that I love you, and I want you to live with

We love you, too, and we want you to be happy. And whatever you decide is okay.

You're doing it again. You're forcing me to make a choice I can't make.

Sophia Petrillo is just going to have to take care of herself.

Oh, and how are you going to pay for all this?

With a little something I like to call your money.

Ma, forget it.

All right, then.

Girls, I'm afraid I'm going to have to take out all the money I put into the

hotel. Oh, the only thing you actually put into the hotel was that candy dish

the lobby, honey.

Keep it.

Shady pines might have a new coat of paint, but they can't take care of you

way I can.

Sushi? Thank you.

Look at that tush.

Okay, but I'm your flesh and blood.

Hello, Meredith.

Hello, Ma.

here. At least with me, you'll have some fun.

Attention, shady piners.

Circus night is starting in five minutes on the big lawn.

The circus.

Pussycat, couldn't this wait till later?

No, it can't. You have to come back to the hotel with us so we can talk about

this. That's right. We're obviously not going to solve anything here. That's

fair. Okay, I'll go pay the bill.

So, how's everything?

Actually, the meatloaf is a little dry.

Beverly, I want a divorce.

Boy, you can't take criticism, can you?

Beverly, look, I'm sorry to blurt it out like that. It's just that I've been

doing a lot of thinking, and Beverly, I don't think I love you.

But an hour ago, you told me you wanted to meet me the happiest girl in the

world. That's because your old boyfriend came by and said if I did anything to

hurt you, he'd kill me. And he meant it.

Ramon? Ramon came to see you?

Oh, that means he loves me.

Ramon loves me.

Oh, Chewie, I owe you an apology.

I did all of this to make Ramon jealous.

I'm sorry.

Hey, no problem.

and happy together.

We can get a divorce, right? Oh, we don't have to. We were never really

What do you mean?

Remember when you got drunk and we got that priest at two o 'clock in the

morning? Well, he wasn't a priest. He was a men's room attendant.

I was wondering why you had a jar of combs on the altar.

I will never forget you, chewy castellanos.

Castillos.

Three Castillos.

Dorothy, we just don't want you to leave like this.

No, wait, wait.

Ma and I have been talking, and we both agree it's better if she stays here.

You really mean that? We don't want to lose your friendship. No, no, no, I

really mean it.

I really didn't think you'd be able to run this hotel.

I thought that you, Blanche, would lose interest and you, Rose, would marry

Miles and then Ma would come home. But I forgot what special people you

are. And I apologize for not having enough faith in you. And I just want you

know I'm very, very proud of all of you.

You don't know what it means to me to hear you say that.

Oh, me too.

Me too.

Listen, Rose and I... Well, we have this little present for you.

We made it.

A lifetime pass to the Golden Palace.

Read the back.

This card entitles Dorothy Zbornak Hollingsworth to stay in any room in the

Golden Palace and eat cheesecake, tell dirty jokes, and have at

least two friends.

Who will listen to her cry, complain, and laugh for the rest of her life.

Thank you.

I got you something, too.

Oh, this candy dish.

It's engraved.

Dorothy. Damn it.

Blanche, Blanche, we're getting backed up over here. Oh, I'll be right there.

You come back and see us, you hear?

Oh, the flowers are here. I have to take care of those.

Sophia, come on. We've got to go over the menu.

They're going to work me to death, you know. Ma.

Just a little guilt for the road. Goodbye, pussycat.

Goodbye, Ma.