Original subtitles

[music playing]

[theme music]

[SINGING] When the storm clouds rise and the thunder

rolls tell me my children, where you gonna go?

When the storm clouds rise and the thunder

rolls, tell me my children, where you gonna go?

God told Noah, it's gonna rain.

You best believe that the rain came.

Jesus Lazaus the grave.

That same power still stays today.

Go down Moses to Egypt land.

Free my people with God's mighty hands.

Marching Zion one by one.

We'll help this race to be won.

Martha don't you moan, Mary don't you weep,

I can tell you your brother still sleeps.

'Till David took down the giant with just one strike.

All the people rejoiced from God's powerful might.

Jesus gonna call you.

Call you from the grave.

Watch that powerful name.

Watch how it saves Lazarus.

When the storm clouds rise and the thunder rolls.

I said, Lazarus.

Tell me my children, where you gonna go?

Come forth, Lazarus.

When the storm clouds rise and the thunder rolls,

I said, Lazarus.

Tell me me children, where you gonna go?

Come forth, Lazarus.

When the storm clouds rise and the thunder

rolls, tell me my children, where you gonna go?

[cheers and applause]

Netta!

Netta, girl, hurry up and come down the stairs now.

Hurry up, Netta.

Girl, hurry up, and come downstairs, I said.

NETTA: Hey!

Girl, how many times I gotta tell

you to clean up this house?

Hi, to you too.

Netta, you don't work now.

The least you could do is clean up.

I was online.

Girl, don't nobody care about an online school.

If you had an assist, you'd be in a real school,

like your sister.

But no, you too much like your daddy,

always want to take the easy way out.

That's why I divorced him.

Well, he's not here.

So let's leave him out of this.

Look, I hope you cleaned your sister's

room and the guest bedroom.

You know she's coming with her fianc .

Yes, mama.

I cleaned yesterday, but I told you that.

Well, clean it again, Netta. [huffs]

No, girl, wait a minute.

Come here.

Turn around.

Turn around!

What?

What do you have on?

You don't like this?

Do you ever like anything?

Yes, your sister.

[laughter]

Now go change.

You know they're going to be here in a minute.

Well, Mama, why do I have to change for them?

Because we got people coming over here,

Netta, educated and sophisticated people

who didn't go to school online.

[laughter]

Girl, you need to look like something to get a man,

not like you ever will.

But have you ever seen your mama leaving

the house looking raggedy.

No, ma'am.

And I ain't ever had a problem getting a man, honey.

And you need to remember the same things

you do to get that man is what you need to do to keep him.

Well, what Leah did to get a man

have nothing to do with having clothes on.

You know what? No, ma'am.

I'm not about to argue with you, Netta.

This is a beautiful time, and I'm

not going to let you ruin it for your sister like you always do.

What do you mean like I always do?

You always do, Netta!

You always find a way to make things about you

and seek attention.

Well, not this time.

Get upstairs and clean up that room like I told you to do.

Man, whatever.

Girl, I know you didn't "whatever" me, Netta.

Girl, I will knock the hell out of you.

Have you lost you mind. - Whatever.

Get upstairs and clean up that room.

She gonna whatever me. - Uh, Cherry?

I don't know what's going with her,

but she better get it together.

Cherry?

What the hell is going on?

It's first lady.

Oh, praise the Lord, first lady!

Praise the Lord, girl!

Come on in.

I enjoyed our shopping trip the other day.

Mmm-hmm.

Where's Jacob?

Oh, he'll be home soon.

What's up? - Oh, nothing.

I just needed to make a deposit.

OK, well, I can give it to him.

Oh, all right.

Well, you know we had to offering through the roof.

Uh-huh.

Raymond needs Jacob to take this to the bank

first thing in the morning. - OK.

Make sure he puts it in the church's

special projects account. OK?

Church special projects account.

I got it, sweetie. - Thanks, Cherry.

All right. Oh, first lady.

I am looking forward to Women's Day!

Hallelujah!

Oh, yeah, it is coming up.

Isn't it?

CHERRY: Mmm-hmm.

Oh, girl, I better pull that thing off.

You know they already can't stand me over there.

CHERRY: Naw, girl. Don't worry about it.

I'm going to help you make this one special too.

- Really, Cherry? - Yes!

Thank you so much.

You're such a good friend.

Everybody else just hates my guts.

Girl, don't you worry about them now.

The pastor loves you to pieces, and that's all that matters.

You keep on being that good first lady

everybody can look up to, and everybody else

will come around, honey. - Mmm-hmm.

All right. Well, I'll see you later.

Oh, wait now.

Y'all still coming over for dinner, right?

Oh, yeah. We'll be here.

All right, well, I'll see you later on, first lady.

All right. Thank you.

God bless you.

All right, God bless you too, sweetheart.

Now you take care.

[laughs]

All right, I'll see you later.

Praise God!

Hallelujah!

Netta, girl, get downstairs!

I told you to clean up this mess,

and you gonna leave that backpack on the floor.

Girl, you better get it up, and I mean get it up now, Netta!

Now, girl!

Thank you.

Mama?

Y'all at it? - Oh!

[laughs]

There goes my baby!

Oh, no, girl.

Me and your sister just talking.

Mmm-hmm. Hey, Netta.

Hey.

How are you?

I am beautiful, baby.

Oh, and you look good.

Too thin though, honey.

Are you eating at the school?

Mmm-hmm, I'm fine.

Where's Grandma?

Oh, she's out back.

Netta, what you got on, girl?

Let me see?

Stand up!

Yeah, you look good!

Leah.

Leah!

Don't tell that girl that.

Come here.

Where is Reuben?

Oh, he-- he's coming later.

He had exam.

Exams!

Oh, he's going to be a good doctor, baby.

Seems like he's always studying.

Yes.

I am telling you, the both of

[audio out]

Run your office?

Girl, she need to run, get her GED first.

[laughs]

Let me check on this dining room.

Anyway--

[laughs]

Netta?

Why you got your head down looking all sad?

Don't you see how she treats me?

[music playing]

Out of my faith.

That's all she ever has to say.

You were Mommy's favorite.

My daddy was away.

Now that we're both grown up, she treats me bad every day.

I don't know if anybody loves me.

I don't know if anybody cares.

So why should I hold my head up high?

Why should I care?

Pigtails, dolls, and lace.

Why should I care?

Beautiful little baby face.

I don't know why I care.

Were Mommy's little girls, and we were Daddy's too.

Now that we're all grown up, so much

has happened to you.

You gotta know I love you,

You gotta know I care.

So hold your head up high.

Hold it up if you dare.

I'm not pretty.

Yes, you are.

I've never been smart.

Yes, you are.

But I'm not you.

You don't have to be me.

Be you.

You are so true.

And you are too.

But look at my hair.

Your hair's so curly and neat, girl.

And look at my clothes, clothes.

That don't mean a thing, no, no.

Your my sister.

And I'm your friend, yeah.

Your my heart.

To the bitter, bitter end, yeah.

I love you just the way you are.

I love you just the way you are.

I love you just the way you are.

I love you just the way you are.

I love you.

I love you too.

[laughs]

[cheers and applause]

[grunting]

Back up, son.

Why are you walking so close?

Sorry, Mr. Jacob.

But hey, brother, Jacob, I hope you

see I've been taking this job as one of God's ambassadors

seriously.

Yes, Noah.

Pastor and I are pleased with how faithful you've been

and how seriously you've taken your new position

in the ministry.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Jacob.

That makes me feel like singing for joy.

No, don't do that.

[SINGING] Joy bell keeps ringing in my soul--

Noah!

[SINGING] Joy bell keeps ringing in my soul--

All right, that's enough.

[SINGING LOUDLY] Joy bell--

Shut up!

[laughter]

Sorry, Mr. Jacob.

Well, I'm so glad you're so pleased with me.

But hey, I was wondering if I could ask your stepdaughter

Netta out on a date?

I think that's a great idea.

You do?

I do.

Well, praise God.

But your wife, Miss Cherry, she don't like me much.

She thinks I'm slow.

[laughter]

Oh.

Ch- Cherry will come around.

Well, do you think I'm slow?

[laughs]

Well, I-- uhh, um--

[laughter]

I just don't think you're that fast.

[laughter]

Well, do that mean I'm slow.

- But I'll tell you what. - What?

Come by for dinner tonight, and you can see Netta then.

You mean it?

I'll see you at 7 o'clock.

I'll be there.

Ah, yeah.

Put on some nice cologne.

I sure will.

Cherry?

Oh, hey, baby.

Daddy!

Hello, baby girl!

[laughing]

Netta, your daddy a hug.

My daddy ain't here.

That's not fair.

Now you know he both our dad.

I'll pass.

Well, I'm gonna hug you anyway.

Stop!

You gonna mess up my hair!

Mess it up, baby?

All it might do is fix it.

Stop it!

I like it.

- Me too, big sis. - Look here, honey.

First lady came over here, and she told me to give you this.

Oh, yeah, yeah. We got the money.

We raised all the money to fix the roof at church,

and it's all right here.

I just counted it.

I'm taking it to the bank in the morning.

Oh, Jacob, she said to put it in the church

special projects account. OK, honey?

OK.

Oh, baby, I am so proud of you.

We finally got a treasure we can trust.

Thanks, Cherry.

Well, it's true, Jacob.

But wait a minute, baby.

You got cash in here. - Yep.

How much is this?

$30,000.

$30,000, Jacob!

Where you gonna put it?

You know, where I always put it.

All right, well, look.

Did you talk to the pastor about coming

and counseling Leah and Reuben?

Yes, he'll be here tomorrow morning.

All right.

I'm gonna go ahead and get dinner finished.

OK?

All right, thanks.

All right now.

[sniffs]

[groans]

Come on out here!

[coughing]

[laughter]

[cheers and applause]

[laughs]

- What? - What?

What?

What are you doing?

Smoking weed!

Hey!

[laughter]

Get in the house!

Wait, wait, wait.

Not till I finish that little, bitty doobie right there.

I know it seem like a lot, but it's not.

Just a real, small, little, bitty doobie right there.

You are not supposed to be out here smoking no weed.

Wait a minute. Uh, uh, uh, uh.

You can't say nothing.

Pop, bam!

[laughs]

I gotta scription!

[laughter]

AUNT BAM [SINGING]: He writes out all my scriptions.

[laughter]

You can't say nothing to me, thank you very mmm--

much!

[laughter]

Somebody trying to say nothing.

Just wait right there. - Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Don't go in there trying to mix your weed with my weed!

[laughter] [coughing]

Bam!

What?

That ain't no regular weed you're smoking.

No! I don't smoke regular.

[laughs]

I smoke loud!

[laughter]

And I smoke cush.

[laughter]

And I smoke perp.

[laughter]

Oh, and I love chronic!

No baby I don't smoke regular no more,

regular got too many sticks and seeds in it.

It just be, pop, pop, poppity

Pop, pop, pop.

Popping all over the place.

I don't like-- - Bam?

What?

Can we go in the house, please?

Yeah.

Look, I was just trying to tell you about all of my medicines.

That's all, honey.

Listen, let me tell you this.

I used to smoke hash.

[laughter]

But hash gave me a bad rash.

[laughter]

I thought it was eczema, but it wasn't no eczema.

[laughs]

Babe, are you hungry?

Jacob?

Jacob?

Who are you always texting?

I'm just taking care of some business at the church.

I got to make a run later on.

You sure do run a lot.

Hey, Grandma!

Hey!

[laughs]

Who is that?

[laughter]

Mama, you know that's my daughter Leah.

Oh, yeah.

That's the one I don't know.

Grandma!

You know you love me.

Yes, baby.

I do love you, honey.

I love all God's children.

But--

[groans]

Honey, I could I love you just a little bit more

if you put a little mint under your tongue, honey.

[laughter]

You don't taste that?

Taste like it ought to feel brown or some like that.

[laughter]

You too little to have a scent like that in your mouth.

I don't know what's wrong with young people these days.

Listen. But--

[laughs]

It's a pleasure meeting you, ma'am.

[laughs]

JACOB: Netta, I invited Noah over for dinner.

Jacob!

Did you, Jacob?

- Baby, it's fine. - No!

It's fine. Stop it now!

Come on!

No, Jacob.

I don't want Noah over here.

And you can't just invite nobody over here

without me knowing first, Jacob.

I stuffed eight bell peppers for eight people.

Now I've gotta go stuff some more peppers.

Five.

But it's only five of us.

Mama, the pastor, his wife, and Reuben.

Oh!

We having sandwiches too?

[laughter]

No, Grandma.

Not Reuben sandwiches, my fianc , Reuben.

Oh!

Oh, good, good, good.

I thought she was saying sandwiches.

I was about to say, that sauerkraut and them bell

peppers not gonna mix together too good, honey--

not in my digestive tract.

It ain't gonna go well at all.

It's going to be like some explosive diarrhea--

Enough!

--cause-- all right, enough.

[laughs]

You keep living, keep living, and you keep living and hear

what I'm talking about.

Cherry!

Ma'am?

Sherry, did anybody phone for me?

Um, who you waiting on to call you, Mama?

Cherry, I'm waiting on my dope man, baby.

[laughter]

On your what?

I'm waiting on my dope man, honey.

I'm running low on my weed.

Bam!

Huh?

I just told you about that.

And I just told you I got a scription!

[laughter]

What that song say?

[SINGING] He writes out all my scriptions in the room.

And where are we?

[SINGING] We're in the living room.

[laughter]

Mama, that don't make it right in the eyes of the Lord.

Oh, but it makes it right in the eyes of a law, Cherry.

[laughter]

We all know that the law's eyes are 20-20.

[laughter]

And that's what I'm trying to get me, a 20-20!

[laughter]

It's called a dub.

[laughter]

But don't judge me, honey.

Just pray for me.

Cause we not gonna all be delivered at the same time.

So you pray for me, and I'll pray for you,

and we'll all be prayed for.

[laughter]

What the hell y'all laughing at?

Mama, watch your mouth.

Watch your mouth.

Cherry, I told you yesterday if I smoke all the reefer

in the world, my eyes are not going to be good enough

to watch my own mouth.

[laughter]

Watch your mo-- watch your mouth, girl.

Do what your mama say.

Watch your mouth.

Look at it. Watch it.

[laughs]

See there?

Not only can you not do it, but you

look stupid trying to do it!

[laughter]

You know what she means.

And you better not have no thugs knocking at this door.

Oh, please.

First of all, that's my door.

Second of all, thugs gonna be knocking.

I'm gonna let them in.

And then we gonna be knock, knock, knocking boots!

Mama!

[laughter]

Your mama is something else.

Oh, no, sugar.

You the one something else, sugar, sugar.

[laughs]

So how's that guest bedroom behind the garage treating you?

Well, it's all right, babies, if that's

what you want to call it.

You know, since I had that surgery and all,

I cannot walk upstairs and go to my own room,

so it's all right back there.

I'm all right. Thank you.

Oh, mama, wait.

We fixed that room up for you nice.

Cherry, that room was already nice, thank you very much.

That's my laundry room.

We put a daybed in there for you.

You know what?

I was going to ask you about that, Sherlock.

Why in the hell would you y'all put a daybed back there

when I sleep in there at night.

[laughter]

Duh!

But that's all right.

That's all right, baby.

I'll put that palette back there so, oh, I am all right.

A pallet for what, Mama?

Oh, Cherry!

I put that palette back there on top of that washing machine

after I put your Timberlands in there.

And then I climbs up on top of that washing machine.

[laughter] Cause I wanna--

I just wanna see what it feel like when

it getting on that spin cycle!

Oh, that thing starts going feh, feh, feh, feh, feh, feh,

feh, feh, feh, feh, feh, feh, feh,

feh, feh, feh, feh, feh, feh!

CHERRY: Mom!

I'm not about to talk about this with you.

Cover your virgin ears, Leah.

I am, Mama.

I do not wanna here this!

Oh, please.

Now that girl is not no virg.

[laughs]

CHERRY: Oh, yes she is, Mama.

She's saving herself for her wedding.

Cherry, you can look at that little car

and tell it's been test drove.

[laughter]

CHERRY: Now, you stop it, Mama.

AUNT BAM: That's a-- that's a-- that's a-- that's a hatchback!

[laughs]

No it ain't Bam.

It's a puut putt! That putt putt has got so many miles on it.

Both of them put-puts got miles on!

Hey, that big, black dump truck back there in the kitchen

got a lot of miles on it.

[laughter]

Check the trunk!

Check the trunk!

[laughs]

Don't look under that hood!

Mama!

Stop that!

Call it a dump truck?

Now wait a minute. [doorbell]

Don't do-- shh. Wait a minute.

Come in!

Don't do that.

I could of said a 18--

That's my future hubby!

Hey, baby!

Hey!

Mr. Jacob! - Hi, son.

All right.

It's good to see you.

Same here.

Oh, look.

I brought you this.

What's this?

It's just a bottle of wine.

- Thank you. - Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

And these are for you, Mrs. Lattimore.

Oh, Reuben, honey.

These are beautiful.

And you look handsome.

Well, thank you, ma'am.

Reuben, you remember my sister?

Oh, hey, Netta.

You look lovely.

Hey, what's up?

And that's my grandma.

Everybody call her Aunt Bam.

Oh, yes, she was just about to lay down.

[laughter]

No, I'm not, Cherry.

I'm sitting right here waiting on my dope, man.

Remember?

CHERRY: Mama!

AUNT BAM: Shut up.

[laughter]

You are delightful.

[coughing]

Thank you.

Reuben, honey.

Forgive her.

She's-- she is a little crazy.

Cherry, I get so sick and tired

of you winding your finger up round your head

when you talking about me.

Then you feel some kind of way when

I crank my finger up at you.

Mama!

Stop it!

AUNT BAM: So you keep on winding here,

and I'm gonna keep on cranking.

Wind, and I'm gonna crack.

While you winding, I'm gonna crank.

Don't you do that in front of--

Shut up! Quit that [inaudible]

[laughter]

Well, ma'am, it's good to see you.

It's good to be seen, son, and not viewed.

I know that's right.

Yeah.

Listen, so you brought him some wine?

Yes, ma'am.

And brought her some flowers.

Uh-huh.

Why you didn't bring me nothing?

I like gifts and presents.

Oh, uh--

I brought you a hug.

Well, you--

I'll take it.

[laughter]

That's good. Oh!

Uh-huh! Move back!

Oh!

No, no, no!

Oh, boy, you hugging me too good!

[laughter]

You hugging me too right!

Oh, I'm gonna put you back there on that washing machine.

[laughter]

And I'm gonna turn that thing on fast speed.

[sirens]

[cheers and applause]

Now, I came--

I came as soon as you called me, Bam.

Soon as you called me.

Mabel, I called you four weeks ago.

Well, I'm late as hell, like these people coming up

and down this aisle right now.

Sit the hell down, please.

[laughter]

They don't learn.

They don't never learn.

I start on damn time.

Sit down!

[laughter]

Look, all those people got to get up so you to sit down.

Sit the hell-- you know, I'm sick of--

I'm sick of this!

[laughter]

[cheers and applause]

And how the hell you got time to stop

and get popcorn and a drink, and you already late?

[laughter]

Sir, sit down in that camel yellow jacket.

Sit down.

[laughter]

Uh-huh.

[inaudible]

Mine say, 4 o'clock, I mean 4 o'clock.

Not 4:01, not 4:02.

[laughter]

I'm gonna go on with the show cause I don't

want no incidents up in here.

But y'all sit the hell down.

Thank you so much.

[laughs]

I'm sure the video of you of your head, all in your big

ol' hair in the camera in the--

[laughter]

I'm gonna go on.

Let me go on.

Let me go, honey. - Mabel!

What?

You on the run, ain't you?

It wasn't even my fault, honey.

I backed out of my garage, and all

I saw was police everywhere.

No.

I say, "Lord, if I'm supposed to run, show me a sign."

Oh, God.

The Lord said, "Run, Mabel, run."

The officer walked up to the car.

It was my sign.

Guess what his name was on the name tag?

What? What?

What was it? - Ferguson.

I got the hell out of there, girl.

I was gone. - You better get out.

I ain't look back.

You better get out of there.

I ain't look back, honey.

[laughs]

I ain't look back.

Bam, who the hell all these people in your house?

Well, Mabel, listen.

These are all my family members.

I invited one of them over here, and all the rest of them came.

Don't you hate when that happen?

Everybody just show up.

You see that little one right there in the--

Lord, you remember my sister.

- That ain't your sister. - Granddaughter.

MADEA: That's your granddaughter.

Yeah, that's my granddaughter right there.

That's Shanika, um--

Leah.

Shanika Leah.

That's her.

And this right here is her cousin.

Fianc .

That's-- that's Beyonc cousin right there?

Bam, hush up.

How you all doing? - Good.

How you doing, ma'am. How you doing?

Oh, you're sure a handsome young thing.

Oh, thank you, ma'am.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm so tired.

Now this--

[laughter]

[inaudible]

Maybe he didn't hear you.

I've been running.

I'm so tired.

Sure would like to just take a load off.

I'm so tired. - Good one.

Good one.

AUNT BAM: The-- the lady said she tired.

She so tired she want to sit down.

Oh, man.

[laughter]

He said, "Oh, man."

Yes!

[laughter]

Oh!

Oh!

[stuttering] Le-- Leah, get on up, girl!

[laughter]

She said she-- she's tired.

I'm sorry, ma'am.

[laughter]

- That's your fianc ? - Yes, ma'am.

MADEA: And he pushing you up like that?

Honey, if he pushes you up before you get married,

he's going to be knocking you down after.

I'm telling you right now.

Son, when a lady come up in the house, and she is tired,

you supposed to let her sit down.

The Bible say in 2 Rose Park, 32 chapter [inaudible] verse

that you supposed to let her sit down.

CHERRY: Oh, Madea, he doesn't have to move.

That's Leah's fiance.

Oh, baby, did that hurt?

Did what hurt?

When all that damn stupid fell out your throat.

What the hell did you say?

What-- what's wrong with you, son.

What you doing all the shaking and itching for?

Oh, ma'am.

Well, I really got dry skin.

Moisturize it. Moisturize it.

Moisturize it. - Wait a minute.

Wait, Mabel.

Wait a minute now.

What you spraying?

Ant and roach killer.

[laughter] Cause every time I leave up out of here, honey,

I have all kinds of roaches crawling up out of my bag.

No, not over here, baby, cause I smokes up all my roach.

[laughter]

MADEA: Bam? - Yeah?

- Is this Netta? - Sweet baby Netta.

Girl, looking just like your daddy.

Turn to the side.

Oh, that mustache coming in nice.

You got to watch that, huh?

I used to like your daddy.

Willis was such a good man.

Willis was a good man.

Your mama walked off and left him.

Hooked up with some old-- old low down, dirty something.

Your mom was married.

And he was married.

They started cheating around with each other,

and she walked out.

Why did you walk out on Willis?

Willis was such a good man.

Why you walk off on him? - Madea.

Walk off on Willis. He was such a good man.

I liked Willis too. - Yeah.

And ran off and got hooked up with

this old yellow-looking salamander with pointy ears,

allegedly.

CHERRY: No, ma'am.

That's why you back in with your mama, ain't ya?

Uh uh.

MADEA: Where the yellow salamander?

Madea, wait a minute.

Where is the yellow salamander?

Madea, I'm trying--

Where is the yellow salamander?

AUNT BAM: Mable! CHERRY: Madea!

Where is the yellow salamander?

CHERRY: Madea.

What?

That's the yellow salamander right there!

[laughing]

Right there!

[laughing]

What's up?

I don't know, boo.

You tell me.

What's happening?

You don't scare me.

Hell, you don't scare me at all.

He gonna try to out-beat you.

Yeah, of course he gonna try to out-beat me.

I got baritone on my side.

- Knock, knock. - Hey, Reverend!

Come on in.

Sister Cherry.

Miss Madea!

Reverend, I thought y'all couldn't see

people when they pull out their thing and walk out the church.

How you doing, Reverend?

Praise the Lord.

Sha na na na na, boko, boko, boko, boko.

It's good to see you.

MADEA: Yeah, good to see you too.

Uh huh.

Reverend.

Jacob.

I want to be sure you secured that money.

Yes.

And you're going to the bank early?

- Yeah, yeah. - Good.

Thank God.

Oh, oh. I get it.

What?

You saw those police cars driving by.

Yeah!

And now I know why.

What's that mean, Reverend?

Are you judging me?

Just cause the police follow me in my line of work?

Don't the Holy Ghost follow you in your line of work?

It's the same thing.

I just want to be sure all our hard work is secure.

What hard work?

The building fund down at the church to fix the roof.

-How much is raised? - $30,000

MADEA: $30,000.

That's right.

And y'all ain't gonna have no more leaks in the roof.

No more leaks.

Praise the Lord.

Praise-- I was so sorry to hear about your wife, Reverend.

Lord have mercy.

Agnes was such a beautiful woman.

She was beautiful.

She was beautiful, beautiful, beautiful-- only the inside.

Ma'am, don't talk about that woman.

No, Mabel, listen.

Everybody got some kind of issue that they got to deal with.

Agnes could not help it that that right eye would just

bend the around the corner like that.

I went to they church.

I said, "Agnes, Agnes, Agnes!

Ag-- you're right there.

Hey, Agnes, can I sit right here?"

She said, "yeah."

I sat down, Mabel.

The spirit got hot in there, she started crying.

One tear fell down the front, the other one

rolled down her back.

I take her--

Ma'am, look how you've upset him.

Now he's got to comfort his daughter.

It's all right, baby.

It's all right.

Your mama was a lovely one. - No, no, no, no.

MADEA: And your daddy should of never marry nobody else.

Because I'm gonna tell you right now.

You will never find a woman as good as your mother was to him.

Your mother was wonderful. REVEREND: No, no.

You ain't gonna never find a woman that good.

Stay single, Reverend.

Stay single.

Remember I tell ya, stay single.

Miss Madea.

What?

This is not my daughter.

Who is that?

This is my wife.

[quizzical sound]

Mmm hmm.

[laughing]

[interposing voices]

I forgot he got married again.

That's right.

You know I don't go to that church.

Yeah.

I don't go to no church.

I know.

And that's the one you the man.

Pastor, they talking about you like a dog around here!

[laughing]

AUNT BAM: Mabel.

What?

So you the first lady now?

Nah, she ain't no first lady.

She the second lady cause Agnes was the first lady.

And if you get married again, then you've have a third lady.

Come on, sit down, baby. Don't worry about that.

I ain't gonna-- I ain't gonna do you like people do that

judge you and talk about you.

I'm gonna try to talk--

I'm fine now by myself--

for myself.

How are you? - I'm well.

Thank you. - Yes, yes.

Uh, uh, what is your name?

October.

Nah, baby.

She didn't say--

[laughing]

I'm sorry.

What is your name?

October.

Not your zodiac, what's your name, honey?

[laughing]

Well that is my name.

It's October, like the month.

Oh.

Oh, you're name's like the month.

Oh, OK. She's named like the month.

Oh. - Mmm hmm.

Mmm hmm.

You want to know my name?

Yes.

Say, what is your name?

What's your name, ma'am?

My name is, uh, November.

[laughing] - Really?

Yes.

Oh!

Well you ain't even got to ask me mine.

Mine is December.

[laughing]

And this January and February Happy New Year!

[laughing]

OCTOBER: Oh, I see. MADEA: That's for Mardi Gras.

Throw me the beads.

[laughing]

I used to get a lot of beads, baby.

I used to shed a pound for these beads.

How long y'all been married?

A year and a half.

A year and a half.

A year and a half.

Wait a minute now.

Cause Agnes only been dead for three months.

She got sick in June.

MADEA: Ma'am, Agnes dies two years ago.

I remember cause I owed her some money.

When she dies, I wrote it off and thanked the Lord for it.

Praise her.

CHERRY: Reverend, thank you so much for coming over

for dinner.

Cherry, I told you, we don't have enough food for him.

Mama!

Don't say--

What? He eats every meal like it's the last supper.

[laughing]

[inaudible]

You got to cook all that food for 'em.

Woo.

[interposing voices]

[inaudible] both balls, everything.

[laughing]

The bottom must fit.

[laughing]

Let me ask you this.

What you smoking then?

[laughing]

I bet you--

Bam, shut the hell up.

Baby, when somebody talk about your man,

don't laugh like that.

Don't get with 'em.

That's so rude.

Look how hurt he is.

Baby, laughing in your man in public

will get you put out the house in private.

Don't do that, honey.

You just sitting there laughing.

All right.

Hey, family.

Where's Netta?

In the kitchen.

Netta, I brought you flowers.

Oh my.

NETTA: Thank you, Noah.

Oh, you welcome.

Boy, stand over there by the window.

What the hell?

You got on the whole bottle of sauce?

What the hell is that?

[laughing]

Netta, who it this boy?

This is Noah.

Oh, he's trying to court you?

Yes, ma'am.

Oh.

[laughing]

What?

Mabel.

What's up there, Bam?

AUNT BAM: I mean, what is he looking at?

[laughing]

MADEA: What he looking at, baby?

AUNT BAM: I don't know.

Do he know he looking?

[laughing]

And he been trying to court you?

Yes.

Oh, oh, that's why he all dressed up that,

looked like a soldier and all.

I see.

See that's the way they used to do it back in the day.

The boy would get dressed up nice and then come over.

They wasn't standing like that, but they'll come

over and they'll--

they'll knock on the door say, hello, my name is so-and-so.

I'd like to take your daughter out to the movies.

Nowadays these children don't do that no more.

Now they go on the internet.

Lord have mercy.

It be like, I'm coming over there.

Send me a picture of that booty. Throw it out the window.

I'll be over there in a few minutes.

[laughing]

Look, I say booty, he turn around and look at me.

He know when the booty is out.

Booty.

Oh.

Better watch him.

[laughing]

You don't like 'em, baby? - No, ma'am.

Let me tell you something.

Never judge a book by the cover.

Sometimes you gotta go up in there

and write what you want on the pages.

And every one of them pages in that book

is empty, not a letter on any one of 'em.

[laughing]

Not a period, not a comma, not a semicolon, not a--

a lot of question marks but nothing else on it.

[laughing]

That's that loose-leaf paper.

[laughing]

Ooh my hormones is acting up.

I don't know why.

You better get that checked out.

Well, Noah, the dining room table has been beautifully set.

And we got a seat right next to Netta for you.

All right.

Everybody, let's go eat.

Dinner is ready. - Oh yeah, come on.

Let's eat.

I'm hungry.

But Bam, this don't smell like your cooking.

Mmm mmm. MADEA: Cherry, who cooked, babe?

CHERRY: I cooked, Madea.

MADEA: You did?

CHERRY: I did.

You know damn well I'm not fixing to eat none of that

though. - Yeah.

No, child.

That girl don't wash nothing before she

put it in the pot, nothing.

Mabel, you telling the truth.

I went back there.

I said, "Cherry, what is this in this pot right here?"

She said, "Those are greens, Mama."

I said, "Cherry, what they floating in?"

She said, "That's gravy."

I said, "Cherry, ain't no gravy supposed to be in no--

ain't no green supposed to be--

Cherry!

This is mud in this pot cause ain't no

gravy supposed top be in no greens.

-I done taught you how to cook greens-- - Bam.

Why do you do that?

--and I said this, and then she said-- stop doing that, hun.

You wasting my life minutes when you do that.

Stop doing that.

Mabel, I'm sorry.

And I'm mad at you anyway.

Why you mad at me?

Cause you let me sat right down

and talk about the yellow salamander.

You know I couldn't see him sitting up there in that chair.

AUNT BAM: Mabel--

You know I can't see him, because whatever they

sit on they turn into carpet.

[laughing]

I'm sorry.

I got tickled and I couldn't help myself.

It was so--

[laughing]

- And you're missing everything. - Missing what?

- This girl right here. - Uh uh.

Miss October.

She sitting here texting.

Texting?

Back in yo day they called it morris code.

[laughing]

She was sending a message?

Yes, to that boy over there.

She sitting there texting her phone until he

get a little text on his.

Mabel, no--

Then he would get a little one.

They was buzzing back and forth. - They--

They how people cheat these days.

That's why I don't like all this new fandango technology.

I don't like all this stuff.

No.

All they doing is helping people cheat.

Spiritual wickedness in high places and everything.

I can't stand it.

Back in the day we didn't have all that.

We had to figure it out before we got home.

Sho did.

You had to your man or your woman,

look, if you need me, call me.

If my wife answer, hang up.

[laughing]

And call back 30 minutes later, if she answer again, hang up.

That means for me to go around the corner

and meet you at the hotel so we can catch up

and get out conversation going.

Nowadays people just sit there texting.

Text.

Right up under they husband and they wife.

You could be sitting at a play,

[laughing]

sitting there with your wife, texting

your girlfriend up in the balcony,

seeing if she enjoying the show.

In the balcony?

Yeah, in the balcony.

Let me stop before somebody tear this place up in here.

I'm telling you right now gotta watch him.

That boy right there, he on that stuff.

Let me tell you something.

I don't know if he on that stuff or not, but--

The one I made get up, he's on that stuff.

- How you know he on some stuff? - Yeah.

Mabel, listen.

I don't know what he on, but I know this right.

Oh my god.

That boy got some good hands.

Oh!

What you talking about?

Mabel, he came in here.

His name Reuben.

He gave him some wine and gave her some flowers.

I said, you gave him some wine, you gave her some--

Bam, stop doing that before I burn

you with this damn cigarette. Stop that.

OK, Mabel.

I was sitting.

I say, you gave him some wine, you gave her some flowers.

You ain't give me nothing.

He said, I-- I--

I-- brought you a hug.

I said, well get-- get-- get-- give it to me then.

Mabel, that boy put his arms around me.

He swope me across the small of my back

and I was looking at him--

Bam.

He did what?

He put his hands around me.

He swope me across the small on my back.

And I was looking up there-- - Bam.

What you saying?

He did what?

He swope me.

Hold on.

That's what I thought you said.

What the hell is the swope?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Well, it's two things really, Mabel.

It's a swipe and a grope all at the same time, girl.

He did that to me real good.

I said, little boy, little boy.

That boy swope me across the small of my back

and I was looking at him.

Swope you where?

I know you not getting mad at me,

cause I don't speak the Talibanese

that's coming out of your lips.

[laughing]

The little boy swoped me across the small

of my back, Mabel.

Oh, ho, ho.

I was looking up at him.

He was looking back down at me.

I said, boy, you better back up somebody.

And see, I been back there on that washing machine.

And so I told him.

I said, what you do want is to get back

there on that washing machine.

Cause if I put it in fifth gear back there on that washing

machine, it just gonna be--

[fast gibberish]

Bam.

Mabel, and then--

Lookie here.

What is it?

What you looking for?

Hold still.

I don't trying to find the small of your back, back here.

[music playing]

--what they look like.

If they had put a picture there, we'd

of seen what they look like.

I see what--

That's all right, honey.

Next time maybe Mark will remember that or something.

How you doing, baby?

I'm good.

That was a good dinner, baby.

Oh, thank you, baby.

I used my mama's recipe for all stuffed peppers.

No you didn't cause your mama recipe

say wash them peppers before you give somebody Zika virus.

You still got it, baby.

Thank you, baby. OCTOBER: Mmm.

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

Yes, girl.

That was so good.

Oh, well I'm glad you enjoyed it, October.

I did.

I did enjoy it.

I'll have to cook for you next time, Jacob.

Baby, I'm going to go head back to church

cause I got a lot of work to do. - Oh, OK.

I'll take you over there.

No, no, no. It's OK.

You know how you like to take naps and stuff after you eat.

It's OK.

I'll just take Jacob with me.

He has the key anyway.

Oh, all right.

Well, call me when you get there.

OK.

Lovely having dinner.

- Love you. - Okay.

- Reverend. - Yes, ma'am.

You don't want to go over to the church with them?

No.

Reverend, you might want to go on over there.

He getting ready to open the doors of your church, Reverend.

You might want to go see what's going on.

[laughing]

Miss Madea, I know he's going to open

the doors to the church.

I gave him the keys.

Yes you did, Son, to the kingdom--

to the kingdom.

[laughing]

Is he all right?

[laughing]

I think that's how he communicate.

I don't know what he's saying.

MADEA: Well, I hope he ain't caught it no more

like [inaudible] here, honey.

He's going to have a [inaudible]..

Netta, say goodbye to your guest.

Mama, let him stay.

No, ma'am.

He's got to go and go now.

Bye, Noah.

Bye, Noah.

- See you later, Netta. - No you won't.

Goodbye.

Boy, wait for me out there.

Go on out there on the porch, and stop

being so mean to that boy.

Hush.

Netta, did you say something funny to him?

He just fell out laughing?

You made a joke?

We was talking about something.

Oh, OK.

I'm just wonder if he just started laughing on his own

or you had made a joke.

Bam, watch my purse.

- OK. - Bam.

Yeah.

Watch my purse, Bam.

Watch my purse.

Son, you like her?

Yes, ma'am.

Well, never change who you are for anybody.

But maybe you can change your approach, because the bean pod

look ain't working.

So come back over here with something else.

Maybe a jogger suit or something.

Come back on her-- come back on her cool, you know.

Because this ain't working.

So come back cool.

Be like uh, yo, Ma, you want to go out to the movies with me

as something?

You down with that?

And she say, I ain't going nowhere with you.

Then you say, well I ain't gonna ask yo ass no more.

I'm trying to do you a favor.

[laughing]

And then pimp on away from her.

You pimp like a cool walk, a pimp cool walk--

pimp cool walk, pimp cool walk.

[laughing]

Son, what the hell you doing?

[laughing]

Try what I just said.

Try it.

You gonna walk up to her and and say-- try it.

Yo, Ma.

Lower, Son, lower.

Yo, Ma.

[laughing]

That's all right.

That's too advanced for you.

Let's try something easy.

Let's try the pimp walk.

Let's see ya pimp walk all the way home.

Try it.

We're gonna practice it.

[laughing]

That pimp got special needs.

Lord help us.

[laughing]

Now, Cherry, you did not have to be that mean to that boy.

Do you understand?

Well, Madea, I don't mean to be mean to him.

Mabel, y'all just let it go.

- Fine, I let it go. - Let it go.

Well, Mama, we tired.

We about to go upstairs and-- [clearing throat]

--I'm going to show him where I'm sleeping,

and then show him where he's sleeping.

OK, baby.

Reuben, it is so good having you here, sweetheart.

Thank you, ma'am.

Thank you.

And Miss Bam and ma'am, it's nice-- it's nice meeting y'all.

See this purse right here, son?

I'm spending the night here.

This is my purse.

This black purse belong to me.

If anything come up missing out of this black purse,

your black life ain't gonna matter.

Do you understand?

[laughing]

REUBEN: OK.

You better hear what I'm telling you.

Listen.

You make sure you show him where he's sleeping now,

cause I don't want him to come down

this corridor past door number two on the right,

cause that's where--

Bam, stop trying to tell that boy where you are subliminally.

That boy ain't coming back there looking for you.

Good night, everybody.

Night, Netta.

Um, where you're going?

I'm going to bed.

No, ma'am, not till you go back there

and clean up the dining room.

Girl, go on.

Why the hell one child can go upstairs and lay down,

the other one got to go back there

and clean up the dining room by herself?

Why both of 'em and back there cleaning up the dining room?

Madea, Netta will be all right.

I have told you about the way you treat that child.

Girl, let me tell you something.

The very child that you put your foot on

will be the one you need to lift yours up when you get old.

You better be careful.

AUNT BAM: That's the truth.

Tell her I'm right about it, Reverend.

[laughing]

The reverend done fell asleep like he listening

to one of his own sermons.

[laughing]

I know how to wake him up.

Y'all get that banana pudding.

Put it on the table.

Look, he done come to live.

There's Lazarus sitting over there looking

like a box of chocolate milk.

Reverend.

Yes, ma'am.

You laying there sleeping.

You got peace, don't you, son?

Oh yeah.

Your Holy Ghost ain't saying, "Go to the church?"

[laughing]

No, ma'am.

Go to the church.

No.

When you're dreaming and you asleep,

you ain't nobody saying, go to the church?

No.

Mary, Martha?

No, ma'am.

Shadrach, Meshach, the billy goat?

Nobody's saying, bah?

Nobody said to go over there?

No, ma'am.

Wow.

Reverend, I meant all kind of stuff about this woman

since you married in the neighborhood.

And tell me y'all got married after

just knowing her for two weeks. - Yeah.

What did she do for a living before you married her?

Oh, she was a dancer.

Oh, she was in the ballet?

Well, she would be on our toes,

but she ain't have on no ballet shoes.

[laughing]

No Miss Madea she was in the arts

And, uh, you married real quick.

Where you meet at?

Well we met at the supermarket.

The supermarket.

REVEREND: Yeah.

We happened to be at the same aisle.

And we walked toward each other and we had eye to eye contact.

And then I turned around and watched her walk away.

And I said, Jesus!

She's the one.

You told Jesus she was the one?

Yes, ma'am.

Mary's baby?

Yeah.

The Rose of Sharon?

Yes.

The chief cornerstone that the builders rejected?

REVEREND: Oh yes.

That same Jesus?

The Lily of the Valley, that's the one you told?

Yes.

And he gave her to you?

Yes he did.

Oh you got some power, son.

[laughing]

And why you marry after two weeks, son?

Why didn't wait a long time like three or four weeks?

Well, I prayed and asked God if I should marry

and he showed me a sign.

Ah.

He showed you a sign to marry? REVEREND: Yeah.

Let me understand this.

So first you asked Jesus-- you tell Jesus she the one.

Yeah.

Then you ask God if you should marry

and he show you a sign to marry? - Yes, ma'am.

But yet you sitting here and your Holy Ghost ain't saying,

go to the church?

No.

Baby, something wrong with yo Trinity.

They not connected to each other.

Something going on.

I'd check the signal, check the cell signal.

Hey, man, what was the sign that showed you?

Well he led me to the scripture.

Ah.

What scripture was it?

Matthew 21 verse two.

Yes.

What it said?

Well you have your Bible right there.

You can read it for yourself.

AUNT BAM: You know what, that's what I always do.

I always read the word for myself.

I don't take y'all word for it at all.

Mabel, come on.

Let's read this.

It burns.

Move that.

That don't put that on me.

Girl.

MADEA: Don't put that thing on me.

It burn, honey.

It burn.

About to burn up off my left breast.

[laughing]

Oh my God.

Don't put that Bible on me, hun.

No, I don't mess around with that Bible.

I don't go to no Church.

Y'all hold on to that.

All right.

MADEA: OK.

What scripture was that again?

Matthew 21 verse two.

AUNT BAM: That's it.

And when you have it, say, Amen.

Amen.

Oh, Cherry.

You can always tell the people at church that read they Bible

all the time at home, cause the faster they go to it,

they go right there in two seconds.

Yeah.

And you tell the people in church who never pick

up they Bible at home because--

[laughing]

--they just be turning and turning and turning and--

AUNT BAM: Matthew.

MADEA: Then they have to go to the table of contents, and--

That's what I--

I was gonna do that.

OK.

Oh, he first over there.

MADEA: Then eventually they find it

right before the benediction.

I got him.

Hey, Matthew, I got you.

Why you standing up?

Mabel, that's what they do at his church.

They always stand for the reading of God's holy word.

OK, well I'm not a member, so I'm gonna sit down.

Y'all go on and do that thing.

When you have it, say, Amen.

Amen.

Got it.

[laughing]

MADEA: Say Amen.

Sister Bam, when you have it, say Amen.

What difference it make if I say I got it?

Hey, man, I got it.

Hey, man.

Read.

Why he holler reading?

Mabel, that's what he do at his church.

He holler read and everybody who can just start reading.

What about the ones who can't read?

They start listening.

Oh.

[laughing]

Read.

Saying unto them--

Saying unto them--

--go into the village.

--go into the village.

--over against you, and straightaway

ye shall find a donkey--

It said, "ass" right here.

Mabel, don't that say, "ass?"

No, that's an ass right there.

I know how to spell ass, S-A-S-S. That's a red

ass right there in the Bible. Ass in red.

It say ass.

Well that must be the King James version.

That's the only version I read, honey, is the KJV.

All right then, read.

And ye shall find a donkey--

- Ass. - --tied.

Yes.

--and a colt with her.

Loose them, and bring them onto me.

Do you see what it's saying, Sister Cherry?

Amen.

Do you see what it's saying Sister Bam?

I'm looking.

[laughing]

Miss Madea!

Girl, what just happened to him, make him do that?

[laughing]

Mabel, he finna preach.

Nah, nah, nah.

That's the first sign of a stroke.

Y'all better get him over there in two lane, help

him see the sing or something.

What God showed me--

Girl, he's so dramatic, like [inaudible]..

--was sometimes he will allow you--

All right now, come on, pastor.

--to be tied into something--

[humming]

--that only Jesus--

[SINGING] Jesus.

--can call you out of.

[SINGING] Oh yeah.

[SINGING] Just like my wife.

[SINGING] Just like your wife.

[SINGING] She was tied into something.

[SINGING] Yeah.

- [SINGING] But Jesus-- - [SINGING] --Jesus--

- [SINGING] --Jesus-- - [SINGING] --Jesus--

[SINGING] --Jesus--

[SINGING] --Jesus--

[SINGING] --he called her out of it.

Won't he do it? - Yes he'll do it now.

- Won't he do it? - He'll do it baby.

Won't he do it?

Yes he will!

[laughing]

Woo!

[laughing]

CHERRY: Yes, sir!

Yes, sir.

Woo!

Do it!

Yes he'll do it.

Yes!

Yes.

What just happened, honey?

I don't--

She hit him with the Bible.

And he's doing the electric boogaloo and bouncing off?

About to tear that chair up.

He better not do it.

Reverend, I'm sorry.

I don't understand nothing y'all just said.

All you been doing is bucking and jumping and flipping

and she hit me with the Bible.

Please make it plain for me.

Give me the Joel Osteen version so I can understand.

[laughing]

Miss Madea--

Yes.

REVEREND: --what God showed me was that sometimes he'll allow

you to be tied into things--

You said that.

--that only Jesus can call you out of.

You said that too.

You see my wife was tied into something--

Oh, you didn't say that.

--and Jesus told me to go un-tie it.

That's good.

[laughing]

Mabel?

[laughing]

[inaudible]

That ain't in here nowhere.

It say, "Go into the village."

His wife wasn't in no village.

What the hell--

Bring it, bring it, bring it.

Oh.

Oh.

Nah, Reverend.

Oh, Reverend.

You read that, you thought that meant merry her?

Yes!

No.

[laughing]

I look at that and I get a whole other interpretation of that.

Oh?

Yeah, I don't go to no church.

Can I try my hand at it?

Go ahead.

MADEA: You know I ain't no Christian, Reverend.

You ain't gonna get offended? - No.

Now you know you Christians get real offended when somebody

try to challenge your theology.

You sure you're not going to get--

No, no, Miss Madea, no.

Can I try my hand at it? REVEREND: Come on.

You sure? REVEREND: Come on with it.

OK. Read.

Oh.

[laughing]

Saying unto them, going into the village over against you,

and straight away ye shall find a donkey--

Ass tied

--and a colt with her.

Lose them and bring them on to me.

May the Lord have the blessing through the reading of

the hearing of His holy word.

You may be seated in the presence of God [inaudible]..

Thank you, deacons.

Thank you ushers.

You may be seated.

[laughing]

Now, Reverend, you just did something

that's typical of a lot of Christians

that really bothers me.

A lot of Christian do.

Not all of 'em, but a lot of them.

They go to this holy word, this Bible,

and they try to find a scripture and make it bend around what

they want it to bend around, rather than leaving

it in its proper context.

See if you go into [inaudible] the text properly,

the first thing you need to understand

is that you have to be able to rightly divide the word.

See you started it at verse two.

It says, "Saying unto them."

All I know is somebody's talking and I know it's two people.

I don't know nothing else about it.

So for the sake of understanding verse two,

I'd like to back up to chapter 21 verse one if you don't mind.

Mmm hmm.

MADEA: Chapter 21 verse one reads as follows,

"And when they drew nigh unto Jerusalem,

and were come to Bethpage onto the mount of Olives,

then sent Jesus two disciples.

AUNT BAM: Yep.

MADEA: Verse two, the verse you started

with, "Saying onto them."

Now I know it's Jesus talking, and it's two

disciples is who he talking to.

What he said to them was, "Go into the village

over against you, and straightway

you shall find an ass," or a donkey,

whatever you want to call it, depending on how hold you are.

If you so holy your lips can't say "ass," then

I don't know what to tell you.

"Got unto the village over against you

a straightway you shall find an ass tied and a colt with her.

Loose them and bring them unto me."

Mmm hmm.

Now if you want to understand the mysteries of what's going

on and the mysteries of the Bible,

you have to pay very close attention to what

is happening in the text.

The first thing I notice here is Jesus is being very

specific in his instruction.

He's telling the two disciples to go to a particular village

and get a particular donkey with a little donkey tied up to it.

He needed that particular one, not any of them.

I wonder why Jesus didn't just say, come forward,

and all the donkeys would of came forward.

He's the Christ.

He's got all power in his hand.

Why would he have to go get this particular special donkey?

Why did he need this one?

Well, as I pondered that thought,

I found my ass over at Zachariah 9:9.

Go on over there, babe.

OK.

[laughing]

Zachariah 9:9 says, "Rejoice greatly, O daughter of Zion,

old daughter of Jerusalem.

Shout, behold your King cometh unto thee.

He is just having salvation lowly, and riding upon an ass

and upon a colt and the foal of an ass."

See, so what that tells me is that Zachariah

had prophesied this moment about Jesus coming into Jerusalem.

What was so special about this moment?

He was coming in to go to cavalry into the crucifixion.

They were going to throw palms down at its feet.

So he had to have a special donkey.

He had to have a pure donkey.

Zachariah had already prophesied about this donkey that

was tired of waiting for him.

So Jesus knew in that moment, thousands of years

later, that that was the donkey that he

needed, a special donkey, a pure donkey, a holy donkey.

This is what I love about it.

The donkey was a virgin.

Strike one against your wife.

Let's go deeper.

Oh.

[laughing]

MADEA: See earlier you said that you told Jesus she was the one.

Well here in the text, Jesus is telling the disciples

which one is the one.

You got to be careful when you get things out of order

and start telling God what God is supposed

to do when God should be telling you

what you are supposed to do. - Yeah.

See, what happens is, Reverend, you will go over

there and untie something that's not supposed to be

untied because you wanted it.

Well I think what happened is, you saw that ass.

You wanted to ride that ass, but it wasn't yo ass.

Wasn't yours!

[laughing]

- [SINGING] Wasn't yo ass. - [SINGING] Wasn't yo ass.

- [SINGING] It wasn't yo ass. - [SINGING] It wasn't yo ass.

- [SINGING] Wasn't yo ass. - [SINGING] It wasn't your ass.

[SINGING] It wasn't ya ass.

[SINGING] It wasn't yo ass.

That wasn't you ass!

Wasn't you ass.

- [SINGING] That wasn't yo ass. - [SINGING] Wasn't you ass.

- [SINGING] That wasn't yo ass. - [SINGING] Wasn't your--

[SINGING] That wasn't you ass.

[laughing]

[SINGING] Wasn't yours.

- [SINGING] Wasn't your ass. - [SINGING] Wasn't your--

[SINGING] That wasn't--

[SINGING] Wasn't your ass!

AUNT BAM: I felt that!

Hey!

[SINGING] It wasn't yo ass.

It wasn't yo ass.

It wasn't yo ass.

It wasn't yo ass.

Ooh, it wasn't yo ass.

We'll be here all week.

[laughing]

Look, he mad.

[laughing]

He mad.

Hold on, Reverend.

You said you wasn't gonna get--

I say, he's so mad, right, he about to throw olive oil on me.

Don't throw some oil on me, Reverend.

I'm gonna fire some chicken.

Now listen to me, Reverend.

He so mad.

Look at-- listen to me, Reverend.

Before your wife died she told me to look after you.

I said, if I see him around, I talk to him,

but I ain't going up in that church.

Listen to me.

She said, you a good man, and I know the pastor need more

prayer than anybody in church if you

gonna stand there and [inaudible] all them people.

Do you understand what I'm telling you?

Reverend, look at me.

I'm gonna tell you this.

Everybody in your church is not lying to you.

Watch that girl.

He's so mad he can't even hear me.

Sister Cherry, thank you for inviting me for dinner.

Miss Bam.

You don't want to know the title of my sermon?

No.

It's called, loose that ass and let her go.

[applause]

Sister Cherry, thank you for inviting us over for dinner,

but I am sick and tired of people having conversations

about who I'm married to.

Oh, Reverend, I'm sorry, but you know how Madea can be.

Come on, let me go show you where you gonna be sleeping.

Man, you know I ain't sleeping in there.

Anyway, uh, where the money at you say your dad got?

I changed my mind, Reuben.

I can't take that money.

Girl, we owe Wiley a lot of money.

That's cause you won't stop using.

I don't smoke by myself.

At least I'm trying to stop, Reuben.

No, no, no.

Don't, I'm trying to stop, Reuben, me.

The only reason I'm over here is because you said you

was going to get me the money.

Now where is it?

My dad needs that money.

We need the money.

It's for the building fund for church.

And they been trying to raise that money

for the roof for years.

Look, I don't care, OK.

You want me to tell your daddy his daughter's a junkie and she

about to drop out of school?

Reuben, you need to calm down.

Nah.

You better get that money, and you better get it tonight.

Where you going?

I'm going to find my own room, man.

I ain't got time to play with you.

LEAH: Reuben!

REUBEN: And look, if you don't get the money,

this little fairy tale is over.

LEAH: Reuben.

REUBEN: Oh, hey, Netta.

Hey.

Man, what you cooking?

What you doing?

Get off of me. - OK!

OK! - You tripping.

All right.

All right.

Look, um-- look, um, your dad left

some money for me and your sister,

you know, for the wedding.

You know where it's at?

Nah, I don't know nothing about no money.

Come on now.

Netta, you know where it's at.

If Jacob told you about the money,

call him and ask him where it is.

OK.

Bro.

You're all uptight and stuff.

You ain't gotta--

Cause you tripping.

Oh, come on now. Ain't nobody tripping.

Stop! Move.

- What you mean, stop? - Stop!

Girl, you been looking at me all day.

Reuben, stop it! No I haven't!

- Why you acting like that? - Stop.

Get off of me, Reuben! - Come here.

What you mean, get off? NETTA: Stop!

REUBEN: Come here. NETTA: What are you doing!

REUBEN: Come here.

What's the matter?

Miss Latimore, look, uh, she-- she keep coming on to me.

She keep coming on to me.

I keep telling her I'm with her sister.

She coming on to me.

Girl, wait a minute.

I did not raise a whore!

Mama, he was doing that to me.

Shut up. You're lying.

You're lying, Netta. - I'm not lying.

CHERRY: Yes you are, missy! Cause I don't--

[inaudible]

What's going on?

I told you!

I'm sick of this girl!

That is your sister, Netta!

Mama, I didn't do nothing.

You know what, girl-- you know what?

Just get out of my house.

Get out of my house, girl.

Get out my house.

You go stay with your trifling daddy.

That's what you do.

That's my baby!

You understand?

You gonna do this to this him?

NETTA: You're spying on me, Mama!

CHERRY: Get of the house! Get out of my house, Netta!

NETTA: Mama!

You get your stuff and get out of my house!

[inaudible]

Just stop talking to me.

NETTA: It isn't true.

CHERRY: You get out of my house!

Get out of here, girl.

[interposing voices]

Netta, you get your stuff and you get out of my house!

Reuben.

Reuben, baby, I am so sorry.

Oh, nah.

It's-- it's all right, ma'am.

- I'm sorry, baby. - No.

It's OK. It's all right.

CHERRY: Leah.

Leah, baby, I'm sorry.

Oh, Leah.

Your mama's embarrassed!

REUBEN: No.

Nah.

Don't be embarrassed, ma'am.

Don't be embarrassed.

What happened?

What you mean, what happened?

What you do to her?

I told you!

Nothing.

My sister didn't do nothing.

Cause I stopped her.

You know she been liking me for the longest, man.

I'm not playing, Reuben!

REUBEN: Hold on! Hold on!

Who you hollering at like that?

Huh?

You calling me a liar?

I'm just saying.

No, no.

Where the money at?

I'm not giving it to you now.

You ain't giving it to me.

Girl, it you don't give me that money--

if you don't give the money, I will break your neck.

You hear me?

Hmm?

Now go get the money!

Now!

NOAH: Netta!

Uh uh, not right now, Noah.

Netta, wait!

No.

Noah, leave me alone.

Wait!

No, I don't want to talk right now.

Hold on, Netta.

What's the matter?

My mom put me out of the house.

Why she do that?

Cause she hates me.

No she doesn't.

Yes she does.

Listen to me, Netta.

I know you don't care for me much,

and I have seen how she be treating you sometime.

You have?

Yes!

And it just hurt my heart because I

know you're a good person!

Ah, Netta, don't cry!

You know what I do when I see her treating

you like this sometimes?

What?

I pray for you.

Thank you.

That's what I say.

I say, thank you.

What?

I tell God, thank you.

Netta, I know it's working out for you

good, because I can remember going

through all kinds of things.

And it didn't get better till I stated telling God,

thank you for every situation that I was going through!

[applause]

And that's why I say--

[SINGING] Master in Heaven, God of all--

all things.

Here I help pray down on bended--

bended knees.

Sometimes I'm so lost--

lost in sin, heavy heart, broken within.

Sometime you say go on after it, and I know I went right.

But what I know for sure is that he loves me,

and we're gonna win--

win this fight!

[applause]

I thank you for the blessings.

Lord, I thank you for the pain.

Thank you for the sunshine, Lord, I thank you for the rain.

Thank you when I'm up, thank you when I'm down.

Thank you for my good days, oh, when Hell is all around.

But I know is he worthy.

Said no matter what you and I are going through,

what I know, he still--

he still God.

Jesus [inaudible] and the name-- name is true.

Well I know he can help us, help us right now.

And I know he will see us--

see us through this.

And I stand, lost in the storm.

I still got joy.

I still got happiness.

Oh!

I thank you for the blessing.

Lord, I thank you for the pain.

Ooh wee.

Thank you for the sunshine, Lord, I thank you for the rain.

Thank you when I'm up, thank you when I'm down.

Thank you for my good days, oh when Hell is all around.

Lord, I thank you, thank you, thank you.

Ooh wee.

Lord, I thank you, thank you, thank you

in the middle of a storm, in the middle of a rain.

It's gonna be all right.

It's gonna be OK.

So hold on a little while longer.

I know you will turn it around.

Won't he do it?

Won't he do it?

Yes he will.

Yes he will.

I know he will.

Yes he will.

Thank you.

Thank you.

[music playing]

[applause]

[music playing]

You have to stop texting me.

Well ever since you been here, you

don't call me as much, Jacob.

I can't answer the phone.

This house is small.

Cherry sees every damn thing that I do.

You gotta relax.

I know, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

It's just that all of a sudden every little thing

that he does, it's starting to irritate me, Jacob.

I can't do this anymore.

You're not enjoying being the first lady?

Do I look like I belong in some church lady hat?

[laughing]

Well, you look good in whatever you have on, baby.

Jacob, stop.

I told you I can't do this anymore.

Baby, just be patient one more weekend.

OK?

We'll put this money away, then we can move in together,

maybe go somewhere.

Man, $30,000.

That's the perfect amount for us to start our lives over.

Can we go to LA?

I always wanted to go to LA.

It's whatever you want.

All right?

LA it is.

Now you absolutely sure that Raymond's

not going to notice all the money missing out that account,

right?

Nah, he never checks his special project account.

He's so bad with money it's ridiculous.

Well why can't we just go now today?

Just give me one more month.

One more month.

A month!

A month, Jacob?

I can't do another month.

All right, look.

I got to go.

That big man-looking woman gets up early.

[laughing]

Yeah I can't stand her either.

[phone ringing]

Hey, baby. REVEREND: Hey, baby.

Where are you?

Um, I stopped at my mom's house.

REVEREND: Oh yeah?

How she doing? - She's good.

She's good.

Along as I give her here medicine.

REVEREND: Oh that's good. Good.

Cause you know I haven't spoken to your mother in a while.

Do you think I can speak to her?

You want to talk to her?

REVEREND: Yeah.

Right now?

REVEREND: Yeah, why not?

Uh, she asleep.

REVEREND: Oh, OK.

She still in the bed huh?

Mmm hmm.

Uh, OK, baby.

Well I'll see you later, OK?

REVEREND: No.

You'll see me now.

So this what you do behind my back?

After all I've done for you?

Raymond.

And man, I trusted you.

And you do this to me?

Raymond, listen.

Raymond, what have you done for me?

You take me to that church full of messy people.

Jacob is good for me.

I'm sorry, Raymond.

[SINGING] What made you think you could treat me this way?

What made you think that this behavior is OK?

I want to tell you something.

[SINGING] You're gonna reap everything that you put out.

It's gonna come back on you, for breaking these vows.

You're gonna reap everything you're doing now.

You're gonna reap all this hell you're raining down.

You're gonna reap everything that you put out.

It's gonna come back on you for breaking these vows.

You know I love you.

I fought so hard to have you in my life.

And how dare you do this to me?

You're supposed to be my wife.

There's gonna come a day that you will realize,

you let a good thing go because of lies and weak alibis.

I hope that God has mercy on you.

He's not a man that would lie.

I read my Bible and his word is true.

Whatever you sow will come back to you--

to you.

You gonna reap everything you're doing now.

You're gonna reap all this hell you're bringing down..

It's gonna come back on you.

[applause]

And I'm sitting up there in the window, watching 'em, Bam.

I saw it. I saw it right there.

- Oh, you already know? - I saw it.

The reverend walk up to them and [inaudible],

talking about, [inaudible] mama's house

up there, send me a line.

And the reverend said [inaudible]..

That's what he said.

He sure did, Mabel.

But you oughta be offended, Bam.

Oh-- why would I be offended.

He said that big man looking woman get up early.

That all-- that should have hurt your feelings, Bam.

[scoffing]

That didn't hurt my feelings at all.

Why would I be offended, Mabel?

Who else was he talking about, Bam?

Who else would he be calling a big man looking woman?

Yes.

I really don't know.

I just really don't know.

I didn't think you did.

No.

[laughter]

Mabel.

Mabel.

Oh, this is so good.

This is good.

But I gotta be careful.

You can't tell ger right away.

You know she'd get upset and run out here to the mall.

- Sure do. - So ease it out there, too.

Every time.

But see, Mabel, this is what God does for me.

He never leaves me in the dark.

He always speaks to me.

He speaks to me in a very still, small voice.

Sometimes he just say--

- Miss Bam?

I sure hope that's the Lord calling you home

right now 'cause I'm so sick of you

doing that and this and this.

And-- come over here, boy.

Who is that? That Noah.

Oh, yeah. Hey, baby.

What you want, boy?

Hey.

Have y'all seen Netta?

Oh, no, baby.

Well, she's probably upstairs asleep, right?

No, she ain't upstairs.

How you know?

Because she slept at my house.

[laughs] Booty call!

Bam, honey.

That boy don't know nothing about no booty.

He--

And I'm saved.

Well, praise the Lord.

But, listen, I got to ask you this.

Why was Netta at your house last night?

Miss Cherry put Netta out and Netta

didn't have nowhere to go. - I know you lying.

Cherry did not put up out of this house.

- No, ma'am. - Hm, hm, hm, hm.

Cherry, where is Netta?

- What are you doing here, son? - He looking for Netta.

- Looking for Netta. - She is not here.

Where is she at?

Look, this is family business.

Go on home, young man.

We asked you a question.

I'm not talking in front of him.

Lord have mercy.

Listen, baby.

I need you do me a favor.

She not going to talk in front of you.

I need you take this 20 and go over there please

and find pretty Ricky.

He's over there on the corner of Florida and Desire Street.

Give me that.

Give me that money.

He got the Lord's name [inaudible]..

He was looking for the--

[inaudible] all about it.

Here.

He said--

Got to have that boy in the middle of a drug deal,

tell me not to mess with him.

He ain't even going know what he over there to get.

[laughs] I'm sorry.

Cherry.

What?

Did she just "what" you?

Yes, she did.

That remind of the time Cora "whatted" me.

What did you do?

I punched her in the throat so hard she said,

[SINGING] take me to the king.

I want some onion rings.

Cherry.

Momma, I'm sorry, all right?

I'm sorry.

It's just been a long night.

But I'm going to take this to Jesus.

- What happened, girl? - You know what?

Netta just like her daddy.

She always starts some messes, Momma.

I told her to go upstairs to change her clothes.

She going to say, why I got to change my clothes?

I said, because we got people coming over here, Netta.

- Yes. - I say, well, girl.

She say, well, Leah [inaudible] man.

Ain't got nothing to do with her clothes being on.

And then I told her, I said, you know what?

Cherry!

What did she do?

I know you not getting mad at her,

'cause that's the same thing you do

to me when I'm talking to you. - [inaudible]

That.

Yes.

What she do, girl?

She was up late last night.

She made a pass at Liz's fiancee, Momma,

and I put her out.

[inaudible]

That don't sound like Netta to me.

I saw it with my own eyes, Momma.

What did you see, girl?

I came back in this house and she

was right here on top of him.

Did he-- did she push him down?

Did she pull him on top of her?

Which one was it?

Madea, what difference does that make?

The difference is when you have a preconceived notion

about somebody, you see what the hell you want to see,

rather than seeing what the truth really is.

That's number one.

Number two, you better take that damn tone out your voice

before you lose your tongue up in this piece.

You are obviously not mature enough

to understand that.

I am mature, Madea.

And I saw what I saw, right?

Momma, I don't feel like talking about this.

You better get your daughter.

I'm getting ready to bust on her head.

The Reverend is on his way over here to counsel my baby.

And I'm not up for this mess.

Cherry, Mabel, y'all wait a minute.

Cherry, listen, baby.

I'm not trying to upset you.

I'm just saying it don't sound like Netta to me.

OK, Momma, so you just going to tell me what I saw, huh?

No, I'm not trying to tell you what you saw.

I'm just--

Apologize to your Momma. Apologize to your Momma!

I'm sorry, Momma.

Ain't no fear and trembling in there.

Put some fear and trembling in it.

I-- I'm sorry.

Now hold onto your wig before this thing pull it off.

Thank you, Mabel.

Now say you're sorry again.

I'm sorry, Momma.

OK?

But it just seems like you always taking up for Netta.

That because I have to.

Why, Momma?

- 'Cause you treat her so bad. - I do not.

I don't even live here and I see it.

Madea, you right. You're not here everyday.

So you don't know what that girl put me through.

Like you ain't never put this woman through nothing?

Shall we go down memory lane?

Oh, tell it.

72 hours worth of labor.

Oh.

Your hair came out on--

On a Tuesday.

Your stomach came out on--

Thursday.

And then your little feet came out on--

It was Sunday evening.

It was about 7:30 at night.

Bam.

I said-- I--

I say 72 hours.

That ain't no damn 72 hours.

Three days, Mabel. Three--

Consecutive.

Consecutive days, hell.

Oh, one, two, three.

Yes.

That's 104 days I was here.

I said 72 hours.

Oh, Mabel.

That's too much.

That's all right.

Broke your Momma heart, but you got pregnant at 15-years-old,

didn't you? - All right.

I got pregnant, Madea.

But I made something of myself, too.

I got my degree.

And you know why you was able to get that degree?

Why, Madea?

'Cause of this woman right here.

Picture frame.

Um, because of what now?

- Cherry, don't do this. - No, ma'am.

No offense, Momma.

But I did that by myself.

Lord have mercy.

Cherry, how you think you did it that by yourself

if I was watching your child?

Right.

Momma, you watched that girl a few times.

I-- Cherry when did five years equal a few times?

Hush your mouth, Bam. Hush your mouth.

Let me tell you something.

You ain't got to explain nothing to her 'cause, baby,

you got it twisted.

Something is wrong with your brain.

You don't understand this, do you?

A grandparent don't have no obligation to your child.

Do you understand?

Thank you.

That's part of [inaudible].

Anything they do is a gift and you

ought to respect it and appreciate it like it's a gift.

Do you understand what I'm telling you?

Yeah.

You got the degree behind you, there wasn't

nothing good enough for you.

Neighborhood wasn't good enough for you.

Your family wasn't good-- walked out on Wills.

Just walked out on Willis.

Thought she was trading up.

Now she's about to get traded out.

Walked out on Willis. Willis was a good man.

That was a good man to you.

Willis was a real good man.

Willis was not a good man, Madea.

Willis was a good man.

Lord, Willis was not a good man.

Yes, he was.

Madea, Willis was not a good man.

We all slept with him.

You what?

Momma, what is she talking about?

Cherry, Cherry, Cherry, don't do that.

Don't call my name for nothing.

I did not sleep with no Willis, honey.

He slept with me.

Momma!

Bam, hush.

Hush.

Ain't nobody slept with ole rusty Willis.

Hell. - Shut up.

All that oil up under his fingernails.

Ain't nobody sleep with no Willis.

Right.

Cherry, I'm just-- baby, look, now I--

I did not sleep with your husband.

What I'm trying to do is just lighten

the load for what I've really got to talk to you about.

Go on, tell her, honey. Just tell her.

Cherry, listen.

Let me tell you something.

If-- if you don't remember nothing else

your Momma tell you, you remember this, please.

Baby, you reap what you sow.

And so when you--

Momma, girl. What--

Girl?

Girl?

And-- and flipped you off.

She said girl and-- - And girl.

--and flipped you off.

Bam, she just say, girl, and flipped you off.

But you ain't feeling to get up and knock the hell out of her?

Now, Mabel, I'm not going to do her like that.

I'm going to let God get her.

God take too long sometime, honey.

I've got to get it right away.

Yeah.

Well, she-- believe me.

She done got God.

I promise you that I can't do it like what's been done to her.

Cherry, listen.

Let me put it to you this way, baby.

It's-- [laughs]

- [inaudible] - Yeah.

Uh huh.

Yeah.

Jacob is hoeing round on you.

OK?

He hoeing round on you 'cause he's a ho.

Now flicky flicky that, girl.

Wait a minute.

Uh uh, no.

You ain't got to sit in here and lie on Jacob just

to be mean and hateful to me.

I'm not going to sit here and listen to you do it either.

I am going to the mall.

Lord, I tell you.

Is you always run out here to the mall.

That what she do.

Run to the mall and don't never bring nothing back.

That's 'cause she can't afford nothing down there,

Canal Place.

She better go over there to Esplanade where she can

afford something up in there.

You better hope they reopen Lake Forest or something.

I don't know what they do.

Bam, you know good and well that Netta did

not make a pass at that boy.

No.

That ain't-- that don't sound like Netta at all.

It's that boy. - Yeah.

And I don't like it.

Well, you have to act like you like it, Bam.

Mabel, why would I like I like that boy.

You don't understand this, baby.

Baby, if your child come in the house with somebody

you don't like, you have to act like you like them.

Because if you don't, your child will fall deeper and deeper

in love with that person.

You're right.

So you have to sit there, smile, and like, hi.

[fake laughs] Hi.

Oh, that's a nice tattoo on your face.

Yes.

[fake laughs] Oh, wow.

When did you get out?

[fake laughs]

[no audio]

That's what I do.

[fake laughs] I show you how to do it.

OK.

So you stay cool with your family.

So you got to do it.

[fake laughs] - [fake laughs]

That's it. Be cool.

Just be cool.

[fake laughs] Be cool.

You'll see.

What-- what we doing back over here?

I can't just leave.

I don't want to be over here.

Reuben, my parents would be so mad if I leave.

Babe, we got to get out of here.

We can't.

Let's just get our stuff and let's go.

No.

Did-- did you hear me?

I can't, Reuben.

Come on. - All right.

OK. Calm down.

But, you know, we can't be in here

when all this stuff come out.

Where's my sister?

Why did you do that to her?

Oh, don't start that.

My parents are going to kill me when they find out.

No they ain't.

There they are. There they are.

Come in, Lucy.

It's Leah.

That's what I said.

Come sit right here, Linda.

Oh, Grandma. We'll be right back.

We going upstairs to change.

You two be quiet and come sit right here, Lulu.

We were just going--

We'll be right back, Grandma.

We just going to change our clothes.

No, y'all come on sit down while I'm talking to you.

Com on. Sit down.

Sit down here. - Yeah, Lisa.

Sit down, son. Sit down.

Sit down. - Yes, ma'am.

We were just going to change our clothes.

Ooh, don't grab on her like that, son.

Don't grab her like that.

[fake laughs] Sit down, son.

Sit down, son. - Yes, ma'am.

Sit down. Sit down.

We want to talk to y'all.

Well, we were just going to--

And you still grabbing on her, son.

Didn't I-- didn't I tell you about the grabbing?

Didn't I tell you not to grab on her?

Grab on her again.

Grab on her again.

OK.

Mabel.

What?

[fake laughs]

I forgot.

[fake laughs] Sit down here.

The old people want to talk to you, sit down and talk.

You could learn something.

How are you doing in school, baby.

Oh, I'm doing so good.

[laughs]

[laughs] You know what?

You sure are twitching a lot.

Oh, we be-- you--

you know, I always had a lot of nervous energy, Grandma.

Yeah.

Crackheads have nervous energy, too.

They can't sit still at all.

Crack-- [laughs nervously] Ain't nobody on no crack.

I know, right? [laughs nervously]

How you doing in school, son?

Oh, he's doing real good.

He must be in ventriloquist school. 'Cause I asked him

a question, your mouth loud.

How you doing in school, son?

I'm doing-- I'm doing good, ma'am.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Here, listen.

Did you know your Momma putting Netta out of this house?

No.

She put her out of his house.

I didn't know that.

- Y'all didn't know that? - No.

Where you been?

Who?

We-- we've been out looking for Netta.

Sure was.

You was out looking for her before you

knew she was put out? - Mhm.

- We ain't see Netta-- - No, that's that new dumb.

I can't deal with that.

I can't deal with that at all.

This is about to work on my nerves.

Mabel, [fake laughs].

Ha-ha, hell.

I'm done with that.

I'm done with it.

All right.

Now look here, boy, you come up in this house--

Leah, you ought to be ashamed of yourself.

This boy lying on you.

Sister talking about she made a pass at him.

That's a flat out lie.

You know your Momma and her don't get along,

and you going to let him come up in here and lie.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Boy, why you lying?

Tell Cherry the truth so that girl can come on home.

Stop all this lying.

I ain't no liar.

Why are you standing up, son?

This is what the police call an offensive posture.

Sit down, son.

I ain't no liar.

Son? Son?

I ain't no liar.

And he walking up on me, Jesus.

No, she done hit me in the head when I first

came to-- put me on the sofa.

Look, the girl came at me, all right?

I'm getting out of here.

She saw me and she wanted me.

You-- look, look.

You see me, and you see this body.

Guess what?

Lady, you just going to have to deal with it.

How about that?

Throwing me down and stuff.

Reuben!

Girl, if you don't shut--

[gunshot]

[screams]

How the hell you going to run through the wall?

Come back to the house.

Go through the door.

Now, son, which one of these little nasty fingers

you did to put on my head?

Which one of them was it? - I-- I didn't--

Which one was it?

This one right here?

[screams]

Girl, if you don't stop all that screaming

and the police come over here, I'm going to pistol whip you.

That wasn't me.

That wasn't you screaming?

No, ma'am.

Bam, was that you screaming?

Oh, Mabel, please.

Honey, I ain't screamed down like that in a long time.

- [inaudible] - No, please.

Please. - Calm down, sonny.

Calm down. You just going to get shot.

Calm down.

It's just going to be-- it's just a bullet.

It's just a bullet, son.

Calm down.

I thought you was a thug. I thought you was hard.

I though you was a thug.

Calm down.

Calm down.

[screams]

That's him.

[screams]

Yes!

[laughs]

Screaming like a little bitch.

Get up, boy.

Bam--

Uh uh.

Mabel, what's that?

Oh, no, no.

Ah, these kids done brought drugs in my house.

Don't you smoke weed?

I got a 'scription.

Thank you.

Bam, you know what is this?

What is it, Mabel?

Sit down, girl.

This-- this is that crystal methapplication.

I don't know why you all tripping and go with this.

People make this stuff up in the kitchen, in the woods,

and all this stuff.

Y'all going to get-- what the hell wrong with y'all.

I don't even understand this.

We didn't have this back in my day here.

Girl, how long you been on this stuff, girl?

Just three months.

Every time you ask a drug addict a question,

you can expect the first answer to be a lie.

How long you been on it?

Six months.

Oh, a year.

Who introduced you to it?

Reuben.

Damn, I wouldn't want to rob a bank would you.

Lord have mercy.

Told it all.

You ain't even wait for the first call there.

You just went for I, didn't you?

How long you been on this stuff, boy?

Just a year, mam.

Just-- OK.

Three years.

I'm looking for something to wipe my face.

Calm the hell down.

Three years you've been on it? - Yes, ma'am.

- Can't get off of it. - No.

- Like a monkey on your back? - Yes, ma'am.

- Destroying your life? - Yes.

- Dropped out of school? - Yes.

Her, too?

Yes.

- Lying to get it. - Yes.

Stealing to get it?

Yes.

Doing anything to get this stuff?

Yes.

Do you love her, son?

I do. Yes.

I mean, do you really love her?

I-- yes, ma'am. I do.

Well, if you loved her, why the hell

would you introduce her to something that's doing

all of them things to you.

Does that make any sense to you?

No.

When you love somebody, you protect them from something.

You don't happen to go drag up in there all with you.

Do you understand? - Yes.

I don't know where your family is.

I don't know your mommy, your daddy.

I don't care none of that.

None of that matters to me.

But we fixing to separate you from this child right here.

Somebody going to have to help you.

We going to help our own.

You going to have to bounce on down the road.

'Cause soon as your Momma come up here,

girl, you going to tell her you're on that stuff.

Miss Madea, I can't tell my mom!

I got nine million reasons in this purse say you're telling.

When she walk in the door, you going to tell her.

But first, before you tell her, you going to go back and get

on that computer and you going to get on the interline,

and you going to go and see if you can find--

find a place to go for rehab-- rehabitation.

Yeah.

You understand?

Yes, mam.

Get on the interline.

Bam, that computer work back there?

Yeah. That computer work back there.

Good, good, good.

Mine work at home, too.

You got a waffle, Bam?

Mabel, I'm so sorry, honey.

I ate all the waffles.

Wasn't but two left with all these people in my house.

They just-- - Bam.

Bam.

Bam, learn something.

You ain't got-- Lord.

What?

Bam, a waffle.

A waffle.

A waffle.

Mabel?

What?

I just told you--

I'm not talking about no waffle that you eat.

What is you talking about, honey.

I'm talking about two waffles.

You didn't hear me talking about the interlines?

You need a waffle when you on the interlines, honey.

Yes.

Learn something.

You ain't got no damn sense at all.

What are you talking about?

You got no common sense.

No books-- a waffle.

A waffle.

hell.

When my-- [laughs] when the cable man came to my house,

he put my cable in.

He told me he put a waffle up in there for me

to get on the interlines.

You need a waffle, Bam.

Bam, learn something.

So ignorant.

Don't know nothing.

I don't know how to tell you, waffle.

Damn.

[laughs]

Can't stand talking to ignorant people.

I been trying to tell y'all [inaudible] nothing.

You-- you mean a Wi-Fi?

What?

A Wi-Fi?

[laughs]

That's what I said, waffle.

Why are you trying to say it so proper

like you grew up in Metairie? Come on.

Get the hell on up out here.

Come on.

[upbeat music]

I know Momma ain't in here on this washing machine.

Jacob!

Oh, my god!

Oh! - Cherry!

Cherry, hold up.

Cherry, baby.

Cherry, wait.

Oh, my god.

[sobs]

Cherry, baby, listen.

I'm so sorry.

Cherry, listen.

I'm sorry you had to see that.

I'm sorry, Cherry. Baby.

Baby, I'm sorry.

- Get off of me. - Cherry, I'm sorry.

You get out of my house, Jacob.

Baby, let's just talk about this.

Let's just talk-- - Get out of my house.

Cherry, let's-- Cherry, let's just talk about this.

Get your stuff and you get out of my house.

Come on, baby.

I'm sorry.

Get out of my house, Jacob.

[pensive music]

[SINGING] One day you held his hand a little too long.

One day you smiled at him and I thought something was wrong.

Just because you managed

to get this far with my man.

There is something want you to understand.

I was watching you when he told me he

was going to be out all night.

I was watching you.

Don't you know that I am his one and only wife?

I was watching you on the stairs,

across the room from you two.

I was watching you.

I didn't miss a thing.

'Cause I was watching you.

[SINGING] I wanted to tell you a long time ago.

I know you've been a real friend to me and it hurts me so.

I can't help that we fell so deeply in love.

He's what I've waited for.

This love is from above and, ooh,

I was watching you when he told you he was going to work late.

I was watching you when he kissed you,

standing at your front gate.

I was watching you when he touched me so

deeply in the late moonlight.

I was watching you when he came home from being with me all night.

How dare you think that Standing in front of my face.

No.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

This is a disgrace.

[SINGING] Well, from what I understand

you've been here before.

So what goes around, it comes back around.

Now we're out that door.

[SINGING] I was watching you.

[SINGING] You should know he loves me, too.

I was watching you.

[SINGING] That's where you're wrong, little girl.

He's going to hurt you, too.

Yes, he will.

I was watching you.

[SINGING] You're not me.

So we shall see.

Oh, I was watching you.

Oh.

[SINGING] Then I guess we will see because now Jacob is free.

[SINGING] Well, that's--

that's what I want him to be.

Look, I'm sorry all right?

I didn't want it to end like this.

[SINGING] I never said I was perfect.

I never meant to hurt you, Cherry.

[SINGING] I just try to live the best life I can.

I'll always love you.

[SINGING] So many times wounded.

And I'll go pack my bags.

[SINGING] So many times heart broken by a man.

He knew that I loved him.

That man, that man, he knew that I cared.

He knew I would have died for him.

And now he's gone.

And I'm alone.

And that just ain't fair.

God knows I've tried to be a good wife.

I know I did the best that I could.

Yes.

I gave him my heart and my soul.

As he knew that I would.

I gave him the best years of my life.

Now look at me, sitting here, oh, buried in pain,

drowning in strife, wondering what will happen

in the rest of my life.

So look at me now, so down in despair.

But now I realized what I did wrong.

I gave him too much of me.

Yes, I did.

And then he left me.

He left me full of hope.

But, God, I know I tried to be a good wife.

God knows I did the best that I could.

Yeah.

I gave him my heart and then I gave him my soul.

As he knew-- that man knew that I would..

But God, but God, will you please forgive me

as I pull myself on through.

I'll never-- I'll never go with or look back..

No.

I'll go forward for the rest of my life.

I never said I was perfect.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

I'll just try to live the best life I can.

So many times-- so many times I'm wounded, yes.

And so many times my heart's been broken by a man.

But this is not what my life will end up.

This is not where my life will end up.

This is just a new begining for me, yes it is.

God, with your help I'm gonna find the way to heaven, yeah.

God, with your hand I'll find a way.

Oh, I'll find a way to get some peace.

MABEL: Who throwing all these pillows and--

Bam, somebody throwing your pillows all over the place.

BAM: Cherry?

Cherry, what's the matter with you?

Oh, Madea, I don't feel like talking about it.

Well, if you don't feel like talking about it,

don't sit out here in the common area.

Go on back to your bedroom, somewhere else.

Cherry, wait a minute, baby.

What's wrong?

Mabel, she crying.

I don't like-- oh, baby.

I don't like to see my baby cry like that.

Here, take two. - Bam.

Take two. Take two.

That's-- - Bam?

What, Mabel?

You forgot your canes.

[laughs]

Ooh.

I don't-- I don't even know how I got over there without them.

I can't-- I can't walk without them.

I need this.

What is wrong with you, Cherry?

Madea, I just caught Jacob and October in the garage.

And what you upset about?

I'm not supposed to be upset, Madea?

Baby, if you go take some apple seeds,

and you go in your own backyard, and you plant them seeds.

And you out there and water it every day,

a tree going to grow up in your own yard.

Now why the hell would you be mad if you walked out

in your own backyard and there are apples on the tree

that you planted in your own yard?

What are you talking about?

You was married and that man was married.

Both y'all was married.

Cheating on your husband.

And he cheating on his wife.

Both y'all were cheating around.

And now it come back on you. That's why I don't understand.

People think they can do things.

No, baby, it always finds its way back into your life.

It may not come back the way you did it,

but it sure-- the Bible say this, honey.

Listen to me.

You get a few days on this Earth and them days

are full of trouble. Do you know what that mean?

Sometimes bad things just happen to good people.

So the Bible say that you have trouble,

why would you add more trouble on by just going

and do random things and have to have

them come back in your life?

- That's--

What you say?

That's not what happened? - That's not what happened.

That's exactly what happened, honey.

That's exactly what happened. Own it.

Stop lying and own it.

I can't stand people who won't take responsibility

for what they done did.

You did that here.

And his wife probably was sitting there

crying, just like you did.

And both y'all Christian and she's sitting there praying.

Who you think God going to listen to?

He going to listen to the one with the covenant

then who doing it the right way.

Do you understand?

Yes, ma'am.

Jacob, come on out here.

I saw him back there.

Every time I look at him I want to save 15% or more

on my car insurance.

'Cause he's a lizard.

You got caught cold, huh?

Yeah.

Why you just didn't tell this woman

you didn't want to be with her?

I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

Oh, that makes sense.

That makes sense. Lot of men do that.

They don't want the feelings, the woman's feelings.

So they just sit there and lie.

But let me tell you something about a grown woman, son.

A fully grown woman.

Not no little girl trying to be a woman, a full grown adult who

knows who she is, she would rather you walk up to her

and tell her the truth and let her

go through the hurt and pain of getting

over it than to sit there and be lied to for years and years.

And then one day she find out you've been--

lying, although she felt it in her gut all along.

Women know, sonny. Just tell the truth.

Yeah, she might surpirse you.

You don't want to hurt her feelings.

She might be like, look, I'm so glad you

told me because I've been messing around

with George for four years.

You hear what I'm telling you, son?

Just tell the truth.

How old are you?

I'll be 45 in October.

In October.

Yep.

That'll do it.

Son, you ought to be old enough to tell the truth.

Just tell the truth. Listen to me.

And there ain't nothing wrong with your truth.

I don't even know why grown people don't understand this.

If you don't want to be with that woman, that's fine.

You don't want to be with her.

Ain't nothing wrong with that if that's

your truth in your heart, that you don't want to be with her.

What's wrong with it is when don't tell her.

You understand?

You take her options away from her 'cause you don't tell her.

Tell her you don't want to be with her.

Ain't nothing wrong.

Life is too short to be sitting around--

and I'll be damned if I will sit there

and beg somebody to be with me.

And life is too short.

You be sitting there, begging somebody to stay,

and the person is trying to get to you all

and he can't get to you because you

still holding on to the fool that don't want to be there.

Yeah

You better know your self-worth.

I would sit in a corner by myself

with a crayon and a coloring book

and be happy, sitting around waiting on somebody,

wondering what the hell you in my house for.

Do you hear what I'm telling you?

- Yes, ma'am. - That's all right, son.

You hit that age.

You 45.

You think you running out of time.

I know you feel like you've got more years behind you

than you got in front of you.

And you can go out and run after that little girl.

Think he's trying to see if you still got.

A lot of men do that-- want to see if they still got it.

Yeah, I still got it.

[laughter]

Just because you done pulled that little girl

and she fine as hell.

And she is fine as hell.

Make you feel like a man, don't it?

But I'm going to tell you something, son.

That wasn't hard to do.

That girl got daddy issues.

She looking for a daddy.

That's why she keep going from man to man to man.

And I can always spot a woman who's got daddy issues

because they're never settled.

They're never happy with nobody they have.

They keep moving-- and ain't nothing

a man can do for a woman with daddy issue

until she figure it out for herself.

Do you hear what I'm telling you?

You sitting there thinking you done did something, son.

Think you at the end of the road.

You ain't at the end of the road. You at a red light.

[laughter]

And pretty soon, she going to be gone on to the next.

She going to be sold to the highest bidder.

Do you understand what I'm telling you?

I'm a tell you a story.

This is really a true story. [MANLY VOICE]

This is really a true story. [MIMICKING FEMININE VOICE]

This is a true story I'm going to tell you now.

My grandmother gave me this quilt.

The ugliest thing I ever seen, something she

had made with all these rags.

I didn't want that.

I wanted me one of them nice, new fleece quilts for $14.99.

You know the kind that if you rub your legs together too fast

it will electrocute you up under the blanket?

That's the kind I want.

[laughter]

I dogged that thing out.

I washed the car with it, changed the oil,

put it on the ground.

I didn't care nothing about that little quilt.

About 20 something years later, I was walking past one of them

fancy antique stores, and I looked

and I saw a quilt in the window just like the one she made.

I said let me see how much this thing is.

I walked up in there to the lady.

I said, well, tell me about this quilt.

The lady said, this was made by an African-American woman

in 1800s.

She couldn't read or write, but each patch in this quilt

represents something that went on in her life.

This patch was from the dress she was

wearing when she was a slave.

This patch was a dress she was wearing when she was free.

This patch was when she jumped the broom and got married.

All them patches said something about her life.

And I asked that woman how much it was.

She said it was $100,000.

Mabel.

I went home, tore my damn house

up trying to find that quilt.

[laughter]

But I tell you what, it's sad when somebody have

to come along and tell you the value of something that's

already in your own house.

And you don't know it.

Do you understand what I'm telling you, son?

You played football, didn't you?

You played football.

[laughter]

You out there running after that little girl.

That little girl is a 14.99 quilt from the Dollar Store.

But you're leaving all the value at home in the quilt

because you don't understand what it's made of.

You can't even appreciate the patches of hard work

that it took to get to what you got.

But that's all right, son.

You don't want it?

That's fine.

Bye.

And, Cherry, you better not shed one tear.

Do you understand?

You'd better not shed one tear.

If somebody don't want you, let them go.

Sitting there begging for nobody to stay.

You better not beg.

Do you hear me?

Yes, ma'am.

I found her.

Found who?

Netta.

Oh, I forgot she was in the play.

Baby, she'd been back there too long.

[laughter]

You been back there too long.

I got to write you some more lines or something..

Been been back there since intermission, hell.

Do something else.

Come on help us out out here with all these lines.

Oh hey, Reverend.

I ain't even see you come in.

You came in like the Holy Ghost.

How you doing?

Doing good. How you been?

I know you to tell her about that but that's all right

I told her while she was trying to climb Jacob's ladder in the garage. It's all right.

- Yeah. - What you come by here for?

Came by to get the building fund money.

Oh, they stole that money.

What?

Oh, Jacob and I told them.

Leah [inaudible],, y'all come out here and tell the Reverend

y'all stole that money.

Come on, tell him.

Wait a minute, Madea.

Leah wouldn't take that money.

You want to bet?

Momma, that's been my good child all her life, now.

Tell her, good child.

I took it.

Lea--

Reverend, sit down. Sit down.

You better not let them cuss words

come up out of your mouth.

I bind and rebuke him.

Compose yourself like a man of God.

[laughter]

Now, why would you do that?

Because we have a drug problem.

Oh my god, child.

The mall is closed.

The mall is closed.

Turn around.

You better deal with this today.

Go on and tell him what else.

I'm not in school, momma.

I've been lying.

Girl, all that money I've been sending to you for books.

And I can't even get $20 to sign up for online classes.

Netta, shut up.

Stop talking to that child like that.

I told you that right now.

But, baby, this the wrong time to bring up that $20.

We talking about drug addiction.

You talking about $20.

I know that's important to you, honey.

But we talking about some deep stuff right now.

Got to find the priority, baby.

You can't just jump in and throw your stuff

in there when we're talking about something serious.

It's just $20, baby.

I could show you how to--

I could show you how to get $20.

I can show you how to get $20.

[laughter]

But--

What?

But in the meantime, just take that $20 right there.

Your grandma just saved you from shaking that thing, baby.

You getting ready to shake that thing for $20.

Look, look, look, how the Reverend looking at her.

Where's the money, boy?

You better tell him, Reverend.

He getting ready to take your corn bread.

[laughter]

I gave it to my guy.

Reverend, Reverend, you may as well just say

it because it's in your heart.

And God is looking at your heart.

So he already know what he's going to say.

He already know what you fixing to say.

Say what?

That boy went out there in that car.

And Jacob's so stupid, he put the money

in the trunk of a Cadillac.

That boy went out there and got the money.

And he ain't look-- you ain't look closely at it, son.

Had you looked closely at it, you would of

seen there was a 20 on the top of the stack

and a 20 on the bottom.

But in the middle, it was nothing but paper.

Yeah, that's the way I used to pay my bills back in the day

before everything went electronic.

[laughter]

You thought you gave him $30.

I got the $30,000 right in my--

I got the $18,000 right here in my bag.

[laughter]

Y'all don't understand.

Those dudes are going to hurt me, though.

Well, you bout to be hurt, son.

Go bounce, bounce, bounce.

Go get hurt.

All right, come on, Leah.

Let's go.

Come on.

I'm done with you.

Bye.

[applause]

You done with him just like that?

Yes, ma'am.

Well, I accept that because it's a play.

But in real life, it take a long time to get over somebody.

[laughter]

It sure do.

Sit down between your daughters.

Let me talk to y'all.

Sit down.

Reverend, come over here and get this $14,000.

Take it on over there to the church.

Let us sit down next to you momma.

Reverend, take this $9,000 on over there and y'all--

and pray over that.

Ask the Lord to multiply because Madea done divided.

[laughter]

See what you doing right now?

See, still paying attention to this child.

Ain't paying no attention [inaudible]

got your back to him.

Let me tell you something.

A lot of women do this.

And they don't even know they doing it.

And I'm going to tell you this because once you find out about

it, you're responsible for it.

The only reason you treating that child so bad

and dogging her out left and right because she look

and act just like her daddy.

If you did not want the child to look like her daddy,

you shouldn't have laid there for them 3.2 seconds.

Do you understand?

[laughter]

You look at the child and you see all the mistakes that

happened with the dad and all the problems

that happened with the daddy.

You don't see the child as an individual.

That child ain't got nothing to do

what went on with you and him.

And she didn't ask to be brought here.

And you're flat out wrong for the way you've been

treating her all these years.

Do you understand?

Apologize to her.

Baby, I'm sorry, Netta.

Like they mean it.

- I am sorry. - Listen to me.

Listen to me.

That's all right.

Netta, sometime people apologize.

They done so much hurt to you and pain to you,

you can't hear it.

But I'm going to tell you right now.

You may not be able to hear it today,

but one day you will hear it.

And you've got to forgive them, baby.

I'm telling you-- let me tell you.

You know what unforgiveness is?

It's a wait.

It's like putting a sofa on your back

and walking around with it everywhere

you go for the rest of your life.

That's what unforgiveness is, holding on.

Baby, don't let anybody put that on you

and make you carry that kind of weight.

Put the sofa down.

Take the weight off your life.

Do you understand? - Yes, ma'am.

Because you can't fly with that kind of weight up on you.

You can't get no higher.

People wonder why they life don't get no better, why

things are going wrong, why everything they touch

is falling apart.

You're holding on to so much bitterness and unforgiveness

by all the people that did you wrong.

Let it go, baby.

It ain't worth it.

Anybody who did something to you,

every time you don't forgive them,

you let them keep doing it over and over and over again.

They ain't worth it. Do you hear me?

Yes, ma'am.

And have standards in your life, honey.

Have standards.

Everybody have to treat you a certain way

when they come into your life.

And if they don't treat you with that kind of respect and love

that you deserve, don't let them in.

I don't care if it's mama, daddy, brother, sister, cousin.

It don't matter.

Hell, you can't choose your family.

But you show in the hell can choose your friends.

You hear me?

Yes, ma'am.

And the family don't act right,

let them by the wayside, baby.

By the wayside.

Because sometime family will treat you worse

than a stranger on the street.

You got that right.

Do you hear what I'm telling you?

Yes, ma'am.

Just because your blood runs through it, baby,

do not mean that you are obligated to be there for them.

Do you hear me?

Take care of yourself.

Do you hear what I'm telling you?

Yes, ma'am.

And get this girl right here-- get in that rehab.

And tough love, baby.

You know what tough love is?

That's when the whole family come together and they say,

we are not doing nothing for you unless you go to rehab.

And mean it.

I done bear with too many people trying to get them clean

because they wouldn't get help.

And there was always somebody enabling them.

Everybody got to shut down on.

Listen, if you don't go to rehab,

we not doing nothing for you.

But I'm going to get put out of my house.

OK, well, nothing will sober you up quicker

than the first snowfall.

[laughter]

But I'm hungry.

Can I come over and get something to eat?

Yes, you can come over here.

But you ain't coming in the house.

I can't come in the house?

No, because you will steal ever damn thing in here.

You're not coming in here.

But you going to give me some money?

No, I'm not going to give you no money.

You go round to the kitchen window,

I'm going to slide some food out there to you, drive-thru.

Tough love, baby. - Yes, ma'am.

And she going to run a guilt trip on you.

If you were a better mother, I wouldn't be this way.

If you were a better parent, I wouldn't have done this

and I wouldn't have done that.

If you had been-- and all you can do

is apologize from the bottom of your heart for the things

you did, for the things you didn't do,

for what you knew how to do, and for what

you did not know how to do.

Apologize for them and mean it.

And if they still keep running that guilt trip on you,

then you tell them this.

You're ass is 35 now.

[laughter]

It's time for you to take some responsibility in what

you're doing to yourself.

You hear me?

And y'all get some counseling, but not from the Reverend.

The Reverend ain't been right since last October.

[laughter]

But I wish your wife was here.

Your wife was a good counselor.

I didn't like too many Christians.

But I liked your wife.

I remember the first time I met her.

She came banging on my door.

It was early, early one Sunday morning,

about 4:30 in the afternoon.

And I was sleep because I was up all night

Saturday cussing, spitting, drinking,

slanging, and sliding, sliding up and down that pole.

And she come over and say, hello, we'd

like to invite you to church. I said, later.

I'm sleep.

If you don't get off my porch, I'm going to bust you upside

your head with this bottle.

She said, well, I'm going to have to go in my purse

and get my anointed oil bottle and hit

you upside your head with it.

I said, well, bring it on.

We going to be drunk, holy, and greasy.

Let's get it going.

[laughter]

She started laughing.

I started laughing.

And she come back later on. She said--

I said come back later.

She came back when I was getting ready get up at about 11:30

that night.

And because I was getting ready to go

out there and hit it again.

And she said, That's how I learned

all that stuff in the Bible.

She never judged me, not one time.

That's what I tell people.

Stop judging folks.

If you going to be a Christian, stop judging them.

Just leave the word there for them.

You can't judge them.

You can't help nobody judging everything they do.

Just help them out by teaching them something and move on.

And she sat there with me.

And I'd be listening to my R&B music.

She'd be teaching me the bible.

That's how I learned all that stuff.

Yep, I'm talking about all my music.

And I was slipping on my thong.

And she was talking about all the stuff that--

didn't I just say don't judge me?

Didn't I just say that?

[laughter]

I had my good music on, too.

I had on my-- and she liked this song.

This was by Teddy Pendergrass.

She liked this song.

It went like this.

[music playing]

[SINGING] [inaudible]

Silly fool.

Silly fool.

It's hard to loose--

It's hard to loose--

--such a good thing.

--such a good thing.

Teddy walked up to the mic.

This what Teddy sang.

[SINGING] Had a love right here.

The palm of my hand.

But I lost it. I lost it yeah.

Had a love so real that a man can feel. But I lost it.

Maybe if I spend a little more time with you, maybe then

you'd still be mine.

Oh, and maybe if I was a little more kind to you,

there'd be no need for this man to be crying.

Oh, times I've had

[inaudible]

Silly fool, How'd you lose such a good baby?

[applause]

[laughter]

[SINGING] Take my money, my house and my cars [inaudible]

you can have it all because making love, every time we do,

girl, it's worse than drug.

Because I'm an addict of you.

And you know-- y'all sing it for me one time.

Sing it.

I knew you knew it.

[inaudible] You got me feening.

Baby, I'm feening for you.

[inaudible]

[applause]

That was it right there.

But this song for all the cheaters back in the day.

This was the cheaters national anthem right here.

[SINGING] And we slept the night

away, had fun, now we can't turn back the hands of time.

Yes, we've stolen this moment.

We forgot to base one simple fact.

We both belong to someone else as we slept the night away.

As we lay, we forgot about tomorrow as we lay.

Hey.

We should have counted [inaudible]

But instead we got lost in the second, in the minute,

in the hour.

Hey, hey, as we lay.

We forgot about the tomorrow as we lay.

[inaudible]

It's morning.

Sing it, pretty.

It's morning.

Say it's morning one more time.

Let hear y'all say hear

[SINGING] It's morning.

Man, I just want to hear these singers on the stage.

Drop out, Bam.

Let me hear them right here.

[SINGING] It's morning.

Say it one more time.

[SINGING] It's morning.

Now it's your turn to do all the singing.

Just like that, sing it.

AUDIENCE: It's morning!

Yeah, you been cheating.

I hear it all in your voice.

I hear it all in your voice, mhm.

[laughter]

It's all in the vibrato.

It's in the vibrato.

[laughter]

Bam, take me back, Bam.

Take me back.

Take me back.

[SINGING] If I were your woman and you were my man,

you'd have no other woman.

You'd be weak as a lamb.

If you had the strength to walk out that door,

I'd put you on that washing machine.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

If I were your woman, if I were your woman, you were my man.

Hey.

Come on, baby.

Yeah.

Sing it.

She tears you down, darling.

Says you're nothing at all.

But I pick you up, darling, when she lets you fall.

You're like a diamond.

But she treats you like glass.

Yet you beg her to love you.

And me you won't ask.

If I were your woman, if I were your woman, if I were

your woman, here's what I'd do.

I'd never, never, never, never, never stop loving you.

You.

You, you.

Yeah.

Come on, Reverend.

What you got, Reverend?

[MUSIC - "I'M SO IN LOVE WITH YOU"]

[SINGING] I I'm so in love with you.

Ooh, whatever you want to do is all right with me.

'Cause you make me feel so brand new.

And I want to spend my life with you.

Oh, baby.

Let's-- let's stay together.

Loving you whether whether times are good or bad, happy or sad.

Good or bad, happy or sad.

Agnes, I've missed you, girl.

[sobs]

[music stops]

Reverend, sit down.

Sit down.

Listen, we're just trying to have a good time.

And you've got to bring up Agnes.

[banging on door]

Who is it?

Open up!

Who is that?

Police.

Open the door!

[sirens blaring]

How's she just going to run through the wall?

[laughter]

Anyway.

Netta?

What?

What's up with you and Noah, girl?

Girl, what you want me to say?

Say this.

[music - "who can i run to"]

[SINGING] As I stand here contemplating

on the right things to decide.

Will I take the wrong direction all my life?

Where will I go?

What lies ahead of me?

Well, I have strong determination.

And I'm not afraid of change.

I have yet to find that someone who would care to satisfy

me, to stay right by me.

Oh, who can I run to to share this empty space?

Tell me, who can I run to when I need love?

Who can I run to?

Who can I run to?

Yeah.

Who can I run to when you need love?

Love.

Let's hear it from your heart.

All right, Leah.

[SINGING] My mind is so

confusing. Who could be that special one?

Every day I try find him on the run.

I got to know is there a place for me.

Love has many names and a message very clear.

All it takes is time and patience to bring him near.

But look at me.

Tell me.

Who can I, who can I run to?

Yeah.

Oh.

Who can I run to?

Hey.

When I need love.

Who can I run to?

Who can I-- who, who, who can I run to?

Who can I run to?

When I need love.

Oh, my god.

Come here, son.

Come here.

Quick, quick, quick.

Stay with it.

Stay with it, now.

Stay with it.

Listen, I know you want to say something back to her

because she said something like that to you.

- Yes, ma'am. - Uh-huh.

And I know you probably want to say something

like, Jesus on the main line.

Tell him what you want.

Yes, ma'am.

But don't say that right now, baby, 'cause that's not going

to work.

But listen, I want to say thank you.

I want to say thank you for upholding

the bloodstained banner.

Son, it sure is good to see young people loving on the Lord

like you do.

God bless that heart.

And I mean that.

But listen, when you say something back to my grandbaby

back there, I want you to switch it up a little bit.

Speak from your heart.

Mean what you're saying when you say what you say.

But just switch it, if you don't mind.

[music - "there'll never be"]

[SINGING] Since--

Oh, lord.

--we are lying here--

oh, for the first time, you and I. Show me what you'll

do for me and then, then, then, then will

I. Don't try to hide your nature.

No other girl could ever rate you.

There'll never be a better love, love, love, love, love.

Netta, will you go out with me?

No, no, no.

Listen, boo.

I ain't gonna ask your ass no more.

[laughter]

Yeah.

Boom.

[SINGING] La, la, la, la, la, la.

La, la, la, la, la, la.

La, la, la, la, la, la.

What?

Um, I'll go out with you, Noah.

That's what I'm talking about!

Netta.

Netta.

Don't you come back here pregnant.

[laughter]

Remember, one plus one equals two, not three.

Mama.

What?

That's what my daddy used to tell me all the time.

And I listened to my daddy, 'cause I loved him.

Hey, Bam.

What?

They can't see you.

I know they can't.

You know you don't need them [inaudible]..

[laughter]

ANNOUNCER: New Orleans, join us as we

applaud the cast and band of Tyler Perry's "Madea

on the Run."

First, this band playing live.

On the drums, Wayne Thornton.

On guitar, Derek Scott.

On keyboards and organ, Natalie

On keyboards and piano, Justin Gilbert.

And our musical director on bass, Mr. Rory Garrett.

And now the cast.

Dorsey Levens.

[cheers and applause]

Claudette Ortiz.

[cheers and applause]

Tony Hightower.

[cheers and applause]

Tasha Page Lockhart.

[cheers and applause]

La Toya London.

[cheers and applause]

Maurice Lauchner.

[cheers and applause]

David Stewart.

[cheers and applause]

As Cherry, Rhonda Davis.

[cheers and applause]

Ladies and gentlemen, as Aunt Bam, Miss Cassi Davis.

[cheers and applause]

And now, New Orleans, as Madea, Mr. Tyler Perry.

[cheers and applause]

Sit down. Sit down.

Let me tell you something.

I want to tell you guys how much I appreciate you coming

home back to New Orleans.

I love you too, brother.

Thank you so much.

It's good to come home.

Good to feel good here.

I tell you, I've been doing this for about 23 years now.

And I started--

I started very early on, on this stage.

One of the second shows that I did was on this stage.

And I remember I hired my choir members to be in the play.

And we didn't make enough money to pay them.

And they came at me with bats in the alleyway back there,

trying to get their money out.

And I'll never forget it.

I didn't hire them no more.

But I was starting off really early.

I was 23 years old trying to figure it all out.

One of the greatest gifts that I had here,

though, happened right here at the [inaudible] Theater.

So I'm so happy that it's reopened.

My mother-- when I was a kid, we were driving down the street.

And she said, wow, look at that car.

Oh, I like that car.

She's like, I'll never be able to afford that.

And I said to her-- as a little boy,

I said, well, when I get older, I'm

going to buy that car for you.

And it was in about 1999 or 2000.

She was here on the front row here.

And I had her come up on stage, and I

gave her the keys to that car.

And I say that--

[applause]

And I say that because it's not about the car.

It's not about the money.

I tell you why I say that, because I

had one gift as a kid, and that was

to be able to take care of her.

And I was able to do that until the day

she died, like she would never have to leave.

So I say that because I'm grateful to all of you.

You gave me that gift to be able to give to her.

One day she called me up crying because she

went to get her medicines, and it was $1,200 for the month.

And she only had, like, $300 or $400

in Social Security coming in.

And she's like, there's no way I would've

been able to afford this.

So when I say this to you sincerely,

I mean this, like, from the bottom of my heart.

It's because of people like you, like selling out these places

all over the country, that allowed me to give the greatest

gift I could to her.

And I'm telling you, she was a wonderful woman who deserved

all the good that came to her.

And because of you, I was able to do that.

And I will never forget all the kindness that you've

shown to me and my family.

I won't.

God bless you for it.

[applause]

I also wanted to just come out on tour to tell you thank you,

because on Friday nights, you're watching OWN.

You're watching "For Better or Worse" and "Love Thy Neighbor."

And on Tuesday nights, you're watching "If Loving You

is Wrong."

[applause]

And you've been watching the heck out of "The Haves

and the Have Nots."

[applause]

I'm happy.

And Oprah is very happy y'all are watching.

I can tell you that she's very happy.

I hope you enjoy yourself, guys.

I hope you enjoyed yourself.

And I hope you continue to go out, and support, and just

laugh, and have a good time.

I had more fun than you did.

I love you, guys. I'll see you soon, New Orleans.

God bless you.

Take really good care of yourself.

[cheers and applause]

[music playing]

"Madea on the Run."

It's a must-see.

We love this show, Tyler Perry.

Right.

I must thank you. A truly fantastic, awesome show.

You have to see it, Madea was on the run.

Absolutely amazing.

I haven't laughed this much since the last play I came to.

He is hilarious.

Oh, my god.

I'm coming back next time he's in New Orleans.

Oh, I loved the play.

I have been a Tyler Perry addict for over 20-some years.

I have never, ever missed any of his plays.

I'm very excited.

I've never missed a play, from the first beginning

when he started till now.

I love Tyler Perry.

I love all his movies, all his plays.

And I have never missed not one.

The show is actually really good.

This was my first Tyler Perry show that I

actually experienced by myself.

To see it live, face to face, then when you're watching

it on TV.

When you see it on DVDs, you're at home, or his house,

in your PJs, or whatever, you still get an awesome show.

But being in person, you get everything

brought along with it.

And I love it.

What I liked about the play was he came out of character.

It made everyone more involved and when he was going.

And he related to the city and the people that was in it.

And he also always put a message in his plays.

I loved the spiritual portion of it.

I think he always has a message.

The message that he brings--

you know, the scriptures, along with learning

that you reap what you sow has really impacted my life.

The storyline was very relevant to today's topics.

He used a lot of ad libs for New Orleans,

because of course, he's from New Orleans.

I love that part.

The play was amazing, full of energy.

I really loved the crowd interactions that he did,

the old school, kind of like, tribute.

I loved it-- the songs, the singing,

the actors, the actresses.

Amazing.

The singing, the acting.

Everything is just great.

I'm having the best time of my life.

This is my first time out in forever.

And I decided to come here the see the Madea show.

And I'm very, very excited.

I'm extremely happy.

I'm a big fan of Tyler Perry.

Love you, Tyler Perry.

And through all of your success, it's

great that you still come and help your fans see you live.

I love you, Tyler Perry.

Keep up the good work.

We had a wonderful time.

We love you, Madea.

Keep on coming, Tyler.

We love you.

Come back home.

We love you, Tyler Perry.

Mwah.

[laughs]

[music playing]