Original subtitles

********* ***

J“ Jingle bell, jingle bell Jingle bell rock J'

J' Jingle bells swing And jingle bells ring J'

J' Snowin' and blowin' up bushels of fun J'

J' Now the jingle hop has begun J'

J“ Jingle bell, jingle bell Jingle bell rock J'

J' Jingle bells chime in jingle bell time J'

J' Dancin' and prancin' In Jingle Bell Square J'

J' In the frosty air J'

J' What a bright time J' It's the right time J'

J' To rock the night away J'

J' Jingle bell time is a swell time J'

J' To go glidin' in a one-horse sleigh J'

J' Giddy, jingle horse Pick up your feet J'

J' Jingle around the clock J'

J' Mix and a-mingle in the jinglin' beat J'

J' That's the jingle bell rock J'

J“ Jingle bell, jingle bell Jingle bell rock J'

J' Jingle bells chime in jingle bell time J'

J' Dancin' and prancin' In Jingle Bell Square J'

J' In the frosty air J'

J' What a bright time J'

J' It's the right time To rock the night away J'

J' Jingle bell time is a swell time J'

J' To go glidin' in a one-horse sleigh J'

J' Giddy, jingle horse Pick up your feet J'

J' Jingle around the clock J'

J' Mix and a-mingle in the jinglin' beat J'

J' That's the jingle bell rock J'

J“ Jingle bell, jingle bell Jingle bell rock J'

J' Jingle bells chime in jingle bell time J'

J' Dancin' and prancin' In Jingle Bell Square J'

J' In the frosty air J'

[dog barking]

[children] Surprise! Surprise!

Happy birthday.

J' Happy birthday to you J'

J' Happy birthday to you J'

J' Happy birthday, dear Daddy J'

J' Happy birthday to you J'

Make a wish!

I wish...

- I'm not gon' tell you. - Oh, come on.

- Blow 'em out! Ay! -[all cheering]

Oh, honey, happy birthday.

Gimme sugar.

Give me some sugar, girl.

[chuckles] One more candle and the smoke alarm would've gone off.

- Oh. {chuckling}

-Big 5-0. -[both chuckling]

You know what? Your beard's getting gray.

Kind of makes you look old.

But that's all right, though. 'Cause I still love ya.

[chuckles] Bye, Pa.

[birds squawking]

[host on TV] Send the postcard to: Contestants, Family Feud,

that's in Hollywood, California.

That's nine, double 0, two, eight. Thank you.

[advertiser on TV] Government standards would allow me

to call this a Grade-A chicken, but my standards wouldn't.

[groans]

[advertiser] It's skinny, it has scrapes and hairs.

[coughs, groans]

The fact is, my graders reject 30% of the chickens

government graders accept as Grade-A.

That's why it pays to insist on a chicken with my name on it.

If you're not completely satisfied,

write me, and I'll give you your money back.

Who do you... What do they know about chickens?

-[game show host] Two answers remain. Jan? -[contestant 1] Cook.

-[contestant 2] Cook! Say cook! -[contestant 1] Cook, cook, cook.

[buzzer chimes]

[contestant 3] Well. Cook.

[host] Sal, big lead. If not, they're even game.

Cook!

-[buzzer chimes] -[urinating]

-[bell clinging] {contestants cheering]

-[dingier] -[buFP$]

-Six. -[contestants chattering]

-Morning. Hi, Mrs. Murtaugh. -Hi.

-Morning, troops. -[both] Where's Rianne?

-She's upstairs. -[both] Okay.

-Good morning. -Good morning.

-Aha! -Hey, that's my bacon.

Well, it's mine now.

Hey, don't you close doors around here?

Baby, what's this on my tie?

That is an ugly spot.

Thanks. Sharp as a tack.

[Trish] I'm thinking of going on Jeopardy.

All right. Just don't take any questions about cooking.

[Trish] Don't step in the egg!

[groans]

Where's my thinking? I should have checked the floor for egg!

-[Trish] Honey. -[clears throat]

Do you know a man named, uh, Michael Hunsaker?

Michael Hunsaker?

Jesus! Michael Hunsaker.

-What did he want? -Your office called.

He's been trying to reach you for three days now.

[scoffs] I haven't talked to him in...

[whistles] ...twelve years!

Huh. Well, no, wait a minute.

That would make me...

Fifty!

So that means that you're...

Uh.

We're not gonna discuss that.

-Forget the eggs. -Okay.

-Roger? -Yeah, baby?

How come I never heard of Michael Hunsaker?

Uh, I just never talked about him, huh.

-[slurps] Hmm. - Vietnam buddy?

-Uh, yeah. -[mewing]

Hey, eat your own cake. Vietnam buddy.

-[daughter] Daddy? -Yeah, baby?

Nick and the kids left without me.

He left without you?

-Come on, I never get enough of my baby. -[Rianne yelling, indistinct]

Daddy, this is my New Year's Eve dress. Don't you like it? Isn't it cool?

- It's beautiful. - Thanks. [chuckles]

Have a good birthday.

Goddamn heartbreaker.

[cheering on TV]

[host on TV] Hey. A lot of people think this is the Super Bowl.

I know they're wrong. You know they're wrong. Ready when you are.

Asking you how much would you expect to pay for something like this?

Well, you'd be wrong... [muttering] ...offer you a Super Bowl offer.

A Super Bowl value on selected items. But wait, there's more.

How much would you expect to pay for something like this?

[sighs]

I'll buy you a new one.

[bones cracking]

Perfect. [chuckles] Happy fiftieth, Rog.

[officer on radio] All units, 14-N-35, shooting in progress.

Venice Beach, Washington and Navy. Three down.

-RA en route... -[siren wailing]

4-King-3-2, en route to the sniper call.

[siren stops]

-[gunfire] -[officer 1] Everybody down!

[officer 2] Get down!

[gunfire continues]

Look who's here.

[bullets ricochet]

[officer 3] Get outta here!

What do you got here?

-Sniper, sir. -Yeah, but what's he doing?

Shooting kids. One officer's down.

-[gunfire] -The guy's a nightmare, sir.

They're still inside and we can't get to him.

You got SWAT team coming in?

-No ETA. -Yeah?

- Well, I'll see you around. -[kid crying]

[parent] Let me through! Let me through! [screaming]

-[officer 3] Paramedics! - What about the other children?

[officer 3] Nine years old.

Nine?

[gunfire]

-How good a shot is this guy? -What do you mean?

I mean does he shoot at random? Does he shoot specific kids, um...

-He missed one. -He shot at random.

-You make the weapon? -Automatic and loud.

Hostages or anything like that up there?

-Not that we know of. -Okay.

-Hey. -Where you going?

-Riggs! -[gunfire]

Get the hell back here.

Riggs!

Get down! You're in the line of fire. Get down.

[officer in distance] What are you, crazy?

Get outta here!

Hello?

Mr. Sniper, sir.

Get away!

[bullets ricochet]

I'm still here, asshole.

Or do you only do kids?

Shut up!

[officer in distance] Hold, hold!

-[police radio chatter] -Clear the area!

You're one psycho son of a bitch, but you're good.

[officer on radio] We got a 10-41, we have a drunk,

white female, approximately 5 feet tall,

350 pounds, at Three Clubs Bar, Vine and Melrose. Drunk...

-Happy birthday, Rog! -[chatter on radio continues]

Unit 27 responding, 10-31, family fight in...

- Lay off me. -. . .you've got a spot on your tie.

What do we got here?

Oh, we got a, uh, hooker.

No, it's Dixie. Would you please tell these bozos to lay off, please?

Hey, hey, you bozos, lay off.

Had a jumper here last night. Dixie was walking by, saw the whole thing.

You got a statement from her, send her home.

Oh, thanks. I'm beat. You know how it is.

Yeah, sure. [chuckles]

All dressed up and no one to blow. [chuckles]

You're hilarious! I can't believe you damn cops!

Uh, the jumper's name is Amanda Hunsaker.

Age 22, prostitute.

Let's see: One arrest, no convictions. Born in Tennessee.

-Parents. .. -Wh-What was the name?

-Hunsaker. -Yeah, yeah. The parents.

Oh, parents.

- Mic;hael and Claire. - Claire.

You know 'em?

Right. Find out who bought it, who's... who's paying the bills.

That'll take some looking into.

So look!

Yeah.

[radio chatter continues]

-Hello, honey. -[Trish] Hi, honey.

Yeah. Give me the number for Michael Hunsaker.

-The man we talked about? -What?

-Your Vietnam buddy? -Yeah, yeah.

-You just mentioned him this morning. -What's wrong?

- His daughter just dove out a window. - Oh, my God. That's terrible.

-Yeah. -136-1...

I got it.

[groans]

Hey.

Good, huh? Tasty? Smooth?

Yeah, that's good.

-You better fucking believe it. -Here's your beer, pal.

Thanks. Okay, so let's do it. How much?

How much for how much?

For all of it.

-You want it all? -Yeah.

-He wants it all. [chuckles] -He wants it all, beautiful.

All right! Congratulations.

Maybe a nice six-footer to put it under?

[chuckles] You want a tree?

Yeah. [chuckles]

I'll tell you what.

I'll give you the best tree I got on the lot for nothing.

[customer chuckles] Hey, thanks.

But the shit's gonna cost you, urn...

-A hundred. -What, that much?

Hey, you said you liked it, that's a fair price.

Yeah, yeah. Hell, you only live once.

[chuckling]

- Get this together here. {chuckling}

Twenty, 40, 50, 70...

-Hey, what the fuck? -Hey, man!

-[customer] Eighty-five, 90... -Hey!

Come on, shut up, man, I'm losing count.

-[coins clinking] -Ninety-three, 94, 95, 96...

Forget it, you dumb shit. One hundred thousand!

One hundred thousand dollars!

[dealer] Did you hear what he said?

A hundred thousand? I... [scoffs]

I'm sorry, I can't afford that. Not on my salary.

But look, I'll tell you what. I got a better idea. Here.

Now, let me say I, uh,

I take the whole stash off your hands for free...

-and you assholes can go to jail. -Oh, hey, whoa.

What do you say about that?

Now, I could read you guys your rights,

but nah, you guys already know what your rights are, don't ya?

[scoffs]

-[chuckles] -This badge ain't real.

And you ain't real.

Oh, you sure are a crazy son of a bitch.

-[all chuckling] -[dealer] Yeah.

-You think I'm crazy? -[both] Yeah.

You calling me crazy? You think I'm crazy?

-[dealers] Yeah. - Yeah?

You wanna see crazy? I'll show you... [blabbering]

[blabbers]

Now that's a real badge, I'm a real cop, and this is a real fucking gun.

Okay, pal.

-Hey, noses in the dirt, asshole. -[gun cocks]

[screams]

-[gunshots] -[groaning]

Where's your buddy? Where's your buddy?

[sirens wailing]

What do you got, Riggs'?

There's three down and one loose in here.

He's got black hair and a red shirt.

[officer 1] Okay, let's go.

[officer 2] ...outside. Come on.

Freeze! Freeze! Give me the gun! Up, up!

-How's it feel, sucker? -Drop it!

-Hey, shoot him! -Drop it, prick.

Hey, shoot him! Shoot him, shoot him!

-Shut the fuck up! -Somebody shoot this prick!

-Freeze! -Shoot him!

-Shoot him! -Shut down!

Shoot him! Somebody shoot this prick!

Shoot me. Shoot me.

-Shoot me. Shoot me. -Shut up...

I'm warning you! I'm going to shoot you.

-Shoot me! Shoot him! -Goddamn it!

-Shoot me, shoot me, shoot me... -Shut the fuck up! Shut up!

-Shoot me! Shoot him! -Shut up! Shut up!

[grunts]

[muttering]

[officer 2] Get him out of there.

-[growls] -It ain't worth it, man.

[cop 1] Read his rights.

[COP 2] You have the right to remain silent...

Anything you say can be used against you in a court of law.

[(109 barks]

Thanks, Jim.

Come on, Sam. Attaboy. Attaboy.

He)’, guys.

Up you go, Sam. Come on. Come on.

[grunts] How you been there, Sam, huh?

You catch some mice today?

What kind of a day did you have?

No, you haven't been doing anything, you lazy son of a bitch.

Come on. I'll get you a sandwich, 'cause that's all there is.

A beer for me.

-Looks like turkey. -[Sam whimpers]

I got us a surprise here.

Thirteen-inch color TV set.

We can watch reruns of Lassie together.

Hey, wait up already!

Whoo!

[TV playing, indistinct]

[on TV] J' Deck the halls with boughs of holly J'

J' Fa la Ia Ia la, la Ia la la J'

J' 'Tis the season to be jolly J'

- J' Fa la la la Ia, la la Ia la J' -[Sam] Stop. Stop the music.

J' Don we now our gay apparel J'

-[Sam] Stop! No means stop! No! - J' Fa la la la Ia, la la Ia la J'

J' Deck the halls with boughs of holly J'

J' Fa la Ia Ia la, la Ia la la J'

J' 'Tis the season to be jolly J'

J' Fa la Ia Ia la, la Ia la la J'

[Porky Pig stuttering] J' Don we now our gay apparel J'

J' Fa la Ia Ia la, la Ia la la J'

[Bugs Bunny] Thank you.

[Porky Pig stuttering] You mean, that's all folks?

[Bugs Bunny] Precisely.

Do you wanna try it, Foggy?

[Foggy] Yeah. Give me the note.

[Foggy] J' Don we now our gray J'

[Foggy stuttering]

[Bugs Bunny] Hey, uh, how about you, Sam?

Uh, pick it up from the fa la Ias.

[Sam] I don't fa la Ia for nobody, you lop-eared carrot crusher.

[Bugs Bunny] You care to try it, Pepe?

[Pepe singing in French] J' Alouette Gentille alouette, alouette J'

[Bugs Bunny] Pepe, hold it, doc. That's not right.

Hmm. Guess I better do this myself.

Okay, you guys come in on the fa Ia las.

J' Don we now our gay apparel J'

[all] J' Fa la Ia, la la Ia, la la la J'

[Bugs Bunny] J' Troll the ancient Yuletide carol J'

[all] J' Fa la Ia Ia la, Ia la la la J'

[Bugs Bunny speaks indistinctly]

[gun cocks]

Merry Christmas! Deck the halls!

Joyous Yuletide!

[groans]

[Looney Tunes continues indistinctly]

[Cries]

[Cries]

I miss you...

[cries] ...Victoria Lynn.

[cries, sighs]

Hey, that's silly, isn't it?

I'll see you later.

-[glass shatters] - I'll see you much later.

-Once more with feeling on three. -[humming]

- One, and two... Damn it, Cooley. -31.-

-Do it on three, or go on the street. -Come on.

Okay, Sarge, okay.

-[all humming] -One, and two, and...

J' Silent night J'

Are you telling me you think Riggs is playing some kind of a game here?

Sure. He wants the cash.

I've seen it 100 times. But he'll come around.

That's a very dangerous attitude to take, Captain.

May I remind you that his wife of 11 years was recently killed in a car accident.

He's also been known to pull his gun when he shouldn't--

-I know all about Riggs, Doc. -The man-- Not enough.

-He's a tough bastard, all right? -He's on the edge, sir.

I'm telling you, he may be psychotic.

[sighs] That's a bunch of psych bullshit.

Really? Well, you're making a mistake by keeping him in the field, okay?

The man is suicidal.

And you're sure of that diagnosis? You have no doubts?

You know that?

- No. There are no absolutes in life. - Right.

-Of course not. It can't be the end. -End of discussion. We're going to wait.

We can't wait, sir.

Then if he offs himself, then we'll know I was wrong.

You're making a mistake, because if you're wrong--

Excuse me.

[sighs]

Asshole!

You know, Roger, you're way behind the times.

The guys in the '80s aren't tough. They're sensitive people.

They show their emotions around women and shit like that.

[cops singing]

-I think I'm an '80s man. -How do you figure?

Last night, I cried in bed. So, how's that?

[indistinct police chatter]

Were you with a woman?

I was alone. Why do you think I was crying?

Merry Christmas.

Sounds like an '80s man to me.

Yeah.

-Got some news on the Hunsaker case, Rog. -That was quick.

So was the autopsy. They're not calling it a suicide.

What?

[detective] Surprise, surprise.

First off, Coroner found evidence she used barbiturates.

Mmm. Brilliant detective work.

There were pills all over the place.

Right, right. That-That's not the surprise.

Surprise is someone doctored the pills.

[Roger] Jesus.

[detective] Every capsule was loaded with drain cleaner. If she hadn'tjumped,

-she'd have been dead inside 15 minutes. -This case stinks.

Hey, Rog. Uh, you know, you looked younger with the beard.

Thanks, Captain.

Oh, yeah. You shaved the beard.

Some detective.

-There are two more things. -Shoot.

[detective] First, condition of the sheets and the mattress indicate

that someone else was in bed with Amanda just before she died. That's A.

What's B?

B is, I'm supposed to tell you you're breaking in a new partner in on this.

Partner again?

Yeah, some cat who's on loan from Dope.

Real burnout, on the ragged edge.

Oh, perfect.

{De 'Gum Opl e clamoring]

[grunts]

Rog, meet your new partner.

Oh, I'm too old for this shit.

There are those that say you're a good cop.

I WY-

I heard about the little stunt yesterday.

Pretty heroic.

I pulled your file.

Said you worked in the Phoenix project in Vietnam. ls that right?

-Uh-huh. -Assassination stuff.

- It's over, you know. -[sirens wailing]

What is?

-The war. -Ah, yes, I know.

Huh. Just thought I'd remind you.

That's some serious shit you carry.

Be my guest.

[gun cocks]

Hmm.

Nine-millimeter Beretta.

Takes 15 in the mag, one up the pipe.

Wide ejection port,

no feed jams.

What you got in there?

Four-inch Smith.

Six-shooter, huh?

A lot of old-timers carry those.

File also said you're heavy into martial arts.

Tai chi and all that, uh, killer stuff.

I suppose we have to register you as a lethal weapon.

[chuckles] Hey, look, friend, let's just cut the shit.

Now, we both know why I was transferred.

Everybody thinks I'm suicidal, in which case, I'm fucked,

and nobody wants to work with me.

They think I'm faking to draw psycho pension,

in which case, I'm fucked, and nobody wants to work with me.

Basically, I'm fucked.

-Guess what? -What?

-I don't want to work with you. -Hey, don't.

Ain't got no choice.

Looks like we both are fucked.

Terrific.

God hates me. That's what it is.

Hate Him back. It works for me.

[engine starts]

[music playing indistinctly]

Good afternoon, Mr. Mendez.

Yeah, how you doing?

Did you pat him down, Mr. Larch?

Oh, hey, man. We went through this act already.

Go through it again.

Who are you?

That's hardly important, but if it matters,

you may call me Mr. Joshua.

Let's go.

Oh, great. Swell. Mr. Joshua, huh?

[rock music playing]

X Ooh, la, Ia, Ia, Ia i

General, Mr. Mendez is here.

[manager] Hold it, hold it, hold it! Hold it, hold it.

-[music stops] -You call this music?

I can get a band ten times as good for half the price.

I'm gonna pack this place tonight. I don't wanna hear any of this shit.

Let's get it right.

-[rock music playing] -Mr. Mendez, how are you?

Hey. I'm fine.

Where the hell did you get him? Psychos "R" Us?

I don't think you're funny.

I don't think this whole goddamn setup's funny.

You're using mercenaries, for Chrissake. Tell me I'm wrong.

No, you're not wrong.

[scoffs] And you expect me to trust these fucking bozos?

My people are loyal, Mr. Mendez. They are loyal to me.

[chuckles] Bullshit.

Do you smoke?

What the hell has that got to do with anything?

- Do I smoke? - Do you smoke?

Yeah.

[General] Give me your lighter.

- My-my lighter? -[General] Your lighter!

Yeah, okay, yeah. Right here.

Here. Take it.

Hey, man! What the fuck is wrong with you guys?

-Shut your mouth! Shut up! -Come on. Jesus Chr--

And don't move.

Ah, hey, man.

Mr. Joshua, your left arm, please.

Oh, hey... You-you guys are fucking gone. You know what I'm saying?

Oh, Jesus Christ, man!

[Mendez] You guys are fucking crazy, man. Come on, man!

Have Endo look at that, Mr. Joshua.

[sighs] Yes, sir.

You wish to do business with us, yes?

Jesus Christ! [breathing heavily]

You wish to make a purchase, yes?

Uh, yeah. Yes, yes! Jesus Christ, yes.

Yeah.

You know, you guys are out there like fucking Pluto, man. You're gone!

The bulk of the heroin will be here Friday night.

We'll make delivery at that time.

Have the money ready, and no tricks.

If you try anything, you'll have to talk to Mr. Joshua.

Yeah, right. Joshua. Yeah, right. I got you, yeah.

Merry Christmas.

Yeah, right. M-M-Merry Christmas to you, too, pal.

Mike,

the autopsy report showed that Amanda was poisoned.

Even if she hadn't jumped, she'd still be dead.

She was murdered.

Murdered?

Jesus!

I can't take this. I just can't take this.

-[Mike, softly] I can't take this. -Mike...

Why did you try to get in touch with me?

Well, I heard that you were...

Somebody told me you were working out here.

I thought maybe you could get her out.

[Roger] Get her out of what?

Get her out of the stuff she was into.

She was making, uh... videotapes.

Pornographic...

...videotapes, and I thought...

I thought maybe you could... you could just get her out. Help her.

[Mike sobs]

[sighs] Easy, Mike. Easy.

[breathes shakily] You owe me, Roger.

Remember?

Yeah.

I remember.

I want you to find wh0ever's responsible for this,

however many of them there are.

Please. I know you can do it. Just find them and kill them.

Mike, I'm a police officer.

I don't give a shit you're a police officer, Roger!

-[shushes] -I know you're a fucking police officer!

Kill them! Just kill them!

Wait. Wait, Rog, Rog.

Come on. You find them. You find them and you kill them.

You can do that. You owe me.

Yeah.

I owe you.

Gotta go, man.

Hey, what did he mean when he said you owed him?

Uh, we served together in 1965.

La Drang Valley. Saved my life.

Took a bayonet in the lungs.

Well, that was nice of him.

Yeah, I thought so.

-Want me to drive? -You're supposed to be suicidal, remember?

Anybody who drives in this town is suicidal.

[dispatcher] All units, 78-21.

Possible jumper at the corner of Santa Monica and Orlando.

78-21, handle code two.

All units, come in, please. All units.

Gotcha!

[stammers] Hey, what's the number of your car?

Uh, 3-William-56.

Three-William-56 en route.

God, I love this job! It's so exciting!

[dispatcher] We copy. Police psychologist on the way.

[Martin] Hey, boss, can we put the sirens on, huh? Can we?

[sirens wailing]

[car horns honking]

[officer at scene] Can you step back for me? Thank you.

Hey, guys! I'm glad you're here.

-And where's the psychologist? -Sitting in the traffic.

Swell. And who is this guy?

Salesman. Name's McCleary.

He was at some office party, walked upstairs, and went outside.

-You think he'll go? -Seems serious enough. Who knows?

-[sighs] -All right. Can you move, please?

-I can handle this. -Are you qualified to talk to jumpers?

- I've done it before. - Okay, you're elected.

Hey, hey. No guns, no jujitsu, just bring him down.

-Roger. -What?

- Uh, 10-4. - Oh.

[officers speaking indistinctly]

[businessman] Get back here.

-Who are you? -Riggs, homicide.

Yes, sir. He's right over there on the edge.

[officer] Get behind the police line. Thank you.

-Merry Christmas. {gasps}

[gasps] Leave me alone! Please, leave me alone! Leave me alone!

-Why are you doing this? -None of your goddamn business!

Fair enough. Um...

Look, I'm... I'm just gonna come out there, okay?

No! No, don't you... You touch me, I'm gonna jump!

-Stay there! You come out, I'm jumping! -[stammers] Take it easy, for Chrissake!

[Martin] I don't like this any better than you do.

I'm scared too, okay? I can't stand heights.

This makes me dizzy, all right?

Just give me a chance to calm down.

I just wanna talk to you, okay? I just wanna talk.

[panting]

I'm just gonna stand out here on the ledge with you.

No, don't go. Not out on the ledge.

Uh, you know, you're not the first guy to think of this, you know.

Uh, a lot of people have got problems, especially during the silly season.

-You know shit! -No, you're wrong, pal. You're wrong.

You don't know nothing! Don't touch me!

-Take it easy! -Look, I didn't do anything wrong!

I know that. It's not like you're murdering anyone or anything.

[both] That's right!

[Martin] Same way...

-The only one hurt is me! Me! -Same way I look at it.

That's right. I know you're hurting. I get it.

-Okay. Now, come on. -Don't come near me!

Come on. Give me a break, will you? My boss is down there watching me

so I gotta make it look at least like I'm trying to save you, okay?

Come on.

It's... I'm just gonna stand here and talk to you. That's all.

You won't... You won't try nothing?

No, no. I'm square with you. I won't try a damn thing.

You think I want to fall off?

I promise, I'll just talk to you.

Okay. Okay. All right.

Here, you want a... you want a cigarette?

Come on, let's smoke, okay?

-Yeah. -Go on, take it. Yeah.

Take our time and both die of cancer.

[siren wailing]

Here.

-[Martin] Hate you to leave without me. -Hey! What are you doing?

-Oh, no. -What are you doing?

See this key?

Bye bye.

-You're crazy! -Now, you can jump if you want to,

but you'd be taking me with you, and that makes you a murderer, okay?

-Come on. Let's go. -You bastard!

- Yeah, you'd be killing a cop. - I'd be killing a psycho nut cop!

A psycho, but I'm still a cop. You coming? Come on, I'm going.

- Fuck you! I'm jumping! - Do you really wanna jump?

Do you wanna?

Well, then, that's fine with me. Come on!

-Let's do it, asshole. Let's do it. -Wait a minute.

-I wanna do it. I wanna do it. -What... Wait, man. What do you mean?

[both screaming]

[crowd screaming]

Oh, shit!

-Fuck! Help! "[9runts]

[Martin] Wanna go up again? Let's go again.

Come on, it was great. [chuckling]

- Help me! Help me loose! {cheering}

He's fucking trying to kill me!

Did you see that? He's out of his mind! He's crazy!

He tried to kill me! [clamoring indistinctly]

Hey, those are my cuffs. I want them back.

Don't you touch me!

Hey, what the fuck did you just do?

I controlled the jump! You wanted him down? He's down!

-Hey, come here! -Come where?

Here with me!

[officer over radio] Nothing more to see. Party's over.

Just go on home.

"[9runts] ‘HEY, Whoa!

Get in here!

[grunts]

[breathes heavily]

Hey, oh, okay, clown. No bullshit!

-You want to kill yourself? -Oh, for Chriss--

Shut up! Yes or no? You want to die? Yes or no?

I got the job done! What the hell do you want?

Just answer the question!

What do you want to hear, man?

Do you wanna hear that sometimes I think about eating a bullet?

Huh? Well, I do!

I do. I even got a special one for the occasion, with a hollow point.

Look. Make sure it blows the back of my goddamn head out. Do the job right.

Every single day, I wake up and I think of a reason not to do it.

Every single day.

And you know why I don't do it? This is gonna make you laugh.

You know why I don't do it?

The job. Doing the job. Now, that's the reason.

-You want to die! -I know. I'm not afraid of it.

I ain't afraid of it.

Here, take my gun.

Don't nibble on the barrel, pull the trigger.

Go ahead, pal.

Be my guest! Go ahead if you're serious!

You shouldn't tempt me, man.

Put it in your mouth.

Bullet may go through your... your ear and not kill you.

-Yeah. Under the chin's just as good! -Yeah, under the chin!

[barrel clicks]

Ow!

You're not trying to draw a psycho pension.

You really are crazy.

[breathing heavily]

I'm hungry-

I'm gonna go and get something to eat.

[sirens wailing]

Fuck. [breathing shakily]

Shit.

Oh, God.

[psychologist] I don't know. He's... He's hurting. He's in pain.

There's something eating away at this guy.

I think he's on the edge.

I think Riggs has a death wish. That's what it is.

Terrific.

So you're saying I should worry?

Oh, yeah, I think you should worry.

And when he goes, you don't want to be anywhere near him.

Thank you, Doctor. You've been very, very helpful.

You're welcome.

I'm too old for this shit.

You hungry?

No! I'm not hungry.

Want me to drive?

-No! I'll drive! -All right.

You get in that side!

You drive.

Oh.

You get a bad personal phone call or something?

What happened? Did the stock market crash?

[tires squeal]

Don't worry. Here, have a French fry.

Fifty years old. What a birthday.

Goddamn 50 years old!

Been on the force 2O years, not a scratch on me. Not a scar.

Got a wife, kids... [breathes heavily]

...house, fishing boat.

I can kiss all that goodbye because my new partner has a death wish.

My fucking life is over.

-Uh, was it something I-- -Would you just shut up here?

Why are you talking to me anyway? I'm a dead man!

-[horn honking] -Fucking looking at a dead man.

W-Watch !

Don't worry. I was driving before you were an itch in your daddy's pants.

-I didn't know that. -Know what?

I didn't know that it was your birthday today.

-Yeah, it was yesterday. -Oh.

We", happy, you know... Happy birthday for yesterday.

I'm... Sincerely. Happy birthday, man.

Thanks.

Maybe we'll stay alive long enough for me to buy you a present.

[chuckles] I mean, you know, don't thank me now.

It's-It's the least I can do after all the kindness that you've shown me.

[chuckling]

[mutters, chuckles]

[chuckling]

Hey, are you gonna tell me where we're going?

We're together on this, right?

Beverly Hills. We got an address on Amanda Hunsaker's meal ticket.

But remember, he's not a suspect yet.

So we question him, not damage him. Okay?

Oh, sure. Yeah. Okay, I won't hurt...

-I'll let you do all the talking. -Let me do all the talking.

-Remember that. Let me do all the talking. -Okay, experience counts here.

{Roger} Yeah. {sighs}

[Roger] Uh, you're not gonna smoke in the car.

-[lighter clicks] -[Martin] Well, | am.

-[chuckles] -[Roger groans]

[Martin] What? Does this bother you? I mean, I'll put it out if it bothers you.

-[Roger] Yeah, it bothers me. -Does it?

[Roger] Yeah.

[coughs]

[Martin] How about I open a window? Will that make you happy?

[Roger] Oh, that's not the point.

You know, I have to watch out for my lungs.

You know, I exercise and take care of myself.

4241 coming up.

[Martin] Bingo.

Do we have a warrant to go in here?

We don't need a warrant with the gate cl-- Oh, didn't take them long, huh?

[chuckles]

Hey, guys. Go on in. Make yourselves at home.

-[Martin] Thank you. -Merry Christmas.

-[Martin] Merry Christmas. -[Roger] Yeah, Merry Christmas.

Don't need a warrant with invitations.

[Martin] Hey, I've seen this place on Lifestyles of the Rich and Shameless.

-Get the door. -Mm-hmm.

-Nice and easy. -Nice and easy.

-Looks like the Garden of Eden here. -[Martin whistles]

Look at this.

[Roger] Paradise.

[Martin] Ah, isn't that sweet?

I'm thinking probable cause.

[gun fires]

{gunshots} "[9runts]

Get the girls!

Okay, asshole!

-Move! Come on! Get out! -[girls screaming]

-Fast! Move! -[girls shrieking]

Get your hands on that tree and face each other!

-[Roger] Let me see your face! -[Martin] Come on.

-[Roger] Hands in front of you! Face down! -[gunman] Oh, my leg, man!

[Riggs] Stop moving, sweetheart, or I'll break your arm.

- Got 'em. {handcuffs click]

Show me your hands, let me see 'em.

-[gunman] You shot my fucking leg. -Right now! I want to see them right now.

-[gunman grunts] -Put your hands out there.

[Roger] Put your hands out there. Let me see your hands.

See how easy that was?

Boom! Still alive.

Now we question him. You know why we question him?

'Cause I got him in the leg.

I didn't shoot him full of holes or try to jump off a building with him.

Hey, that's no fair. The building guy lived.

-Whatever. The point being no killing. -No, killing. Right. Yeah.

Right. Piece of cake.

Now, I'm haPPY-

Just read him his rights, and I'll stand over here being happy.

[grunts]

'He's 90'! a gun! -[gun fires]

-[grunting] -[gunshot]

[groans]

[gasps]

[gasps] Oops.

You ever met anybody you didn't kill?

[gasps, exhales]

Well, I haven't killed you yet.

[gasps, sighs]

- Well, don't do me no favors. -[grunts] Don't you worry.

[narrator] ...so when you go overboard at dinner, send Alka-Seltzer to the rescue

and feel shipshape again... [bell chimes] ...fast.

[Roger] Uh, the coroner gave the body a ride downtown.

I, uh, guess we can get out of here.

[Martin] Hey.

Look,uh“.

I'm sorry about all that shit I said out there, uh...

You saved my life. Thank you.

I'll bet that hurt to say.

[scoffs]

You'll never know.

-Come on, let's... let's get a bite. -Just get my shoes on.

Just hurry up.

[horn honking]

-Mom, Rog is coming. -[Trish] Okay, Carrie.

-[dog barking] -[crickets chirping]

Whoa, here's my little welcoming committee.

Hi, where's my daughter? Which one's my--

-[Carrie] Come on, Daddy. -Oh, this one's my daughter!

This is my daughter. Bye. You-- Home. Both of you, home. Dinnertime.

Mwah. How are you doing?

I am doing all right. How are you?

[Carrie] ls that a crook?

-[Martin chuckles] -[Roger] Uh, no.

This is my new partner, Martin.

-[Martin] Hi. Hi. -[Carrie] Hello, nice to meet you.

-Carrie. -Carrie. Yeah.

I'm glad you're home at a sensible hour.

Well, I try to be a sensible dad. You know?

Come on in, Martin.

-Come on in. -[Martin] Sure. The door shut?

-Yeah, close the door. That'd be great. -[door closes]

-[Roger] Hello, Nick. -Hey, Dad.

[Roger] Get your legs off the arm of the couch. [groans]

[vocalizes] How you doing? Where's Mommy? In the kitchen?

Let's sneak up on Mommy.

-Hello, baby. -[Trish] Hi, honey.

-[Roger] I want you to meet-- -I-I'd like you to meet, urn,

-Daddy's new partner, Martin. -[Martin] Hello, Martin Riggs.

-Hi, how are you? -[Martin] Uh, this is my wife, Trish.

-Pleased to meet you. -[Roger] My new partner, Martin Riggs.

-Nice to meet you. -Martin's gonna join us for dinner.

-Roast okay with you? -What's for dinner?

-[Trish chuckles] -[Roger] We'll see what's for dinner.

[chuckles] This is a brown, sticky--

Ouch! Ooh.

-[Trish] It's roast. -Uh, how's a brown roast-like substance.

-Roger... -Uh. ..

-You're being an asshole. -I try not to be.

-Want something to drink, Martin? -What do you got?

[Roger] We got Canadian mist.

-You like Canadian Mist? -[bottle clangs]

-[Trish] Honey, it's in the back. -[Roger] It's made in Mexico.

[Roger] In the back. Canadian Mist in the back.

-[hands clap] {Roger} Mmm.

Uh, di-- How come we didn't have fish tonight?

-I thought we had fish tonight. -[Trish] Don't worry about the fish.

-Ooh. Getting defensive up out here. -[Trish] Want some coffee?

-You ever go fishing? -Oh, not since I was a kid.

I used to go spear fishing with a snorkel.

[Roger] Spear fishing.

Didn't catch anything much but a cold.

[Rianne giggles]

[Roger] I got that big old boat out there--

Rianne, get the dessert. Please, honey.

-...horsepower-- - Rianne.

-Your mother said, "Get the dessert." -[Nick] Get the dessert.

-[Carrie] Get to it! -Shut up.

Come on, come on, come on.

[Roger] Uh, Catalina Island, you know.

Nothing exciting, but I catch my allotment.

-[Martin] Hmm. -Not bad.

You would catch a little few things out there.

That's what I caught. Caught my wife out there.

-[Martin laughs] -[Roger] There's nice fishing out there.

Mr. Riggs, would you like that tart?

Thank you. Yeah. Call me Martin.

Martin.

Uh... [stutters] ...Mr. Riggs.

Sit down.

[Trish] Rianne, this is not the first time we've had company.

[Martin] Who, me?

[beatboxing]

J' My name is Carrie I'm no fairy J'

J' My sister's cheery J'

J' She's in love VVith this guy named Martin-- J'

[Trish] Carrie!

Nicholas!

[Carrie] Come on. It was really good. Wouldn't you say?

Yeah, Dad. Why don't you try it? [beatboxing]

It was good!

-[beatboxing] -Yeah, there you go.

[Roger] J' I'm gonna find-a find you J'

J' My name is Roger And I need to be modger J'

J' And a secret hodger J'

- J' And a hoola-hulla-holla J' - You need some help.

-I am awful. -[laughter]

[footsteps approaching]

[dog barking in distance]

[Trish] Hey, Sarge.

Thanks for taking out the garbage.

[Roger] But, honey, I'm... I'm entertaining our guest.

So what you think?

Oh, she's, uh... Yeah, she's nice. Do you know anything about boats?

[Roger] I know how much they cost.

No, I mean can you sail this thing?

[groans] What's wrong with you? It's not a sailboat.

-Yeah, that's what I thought. -There's no trick to it.

You know? That's the front. That's the back, uh, water all around.

Why you gotta things so complicated? Shit.

Sh-- Here.

Thanks.

I don't makes things complicated.

That's just the way things get all by themselves.

Yeah. You mean Amanda Hunsaker's murder, huh?

Did I mention that? I didn't mention that, did I?

Hmm. You don't have to say a word. I can read your mind.

I don't get it. What's the matter with you?

What?

-Why is there a problem? -There's no problem.

They got one dead girl and one dead guy.

Dead guy kills the dead girl.

We kill the dead guy 'cause he wants us to be dead guys.

It's pretty easy to me.

- Well, it's pretty easy for you to say. {Roger chuckles]

Look, a sugar daddy's dealing drugs.

She said something or did something or saw something she wasn't supposed to.

He pitches her off the balcony into the sweet by-and-by.

[chuckles]

That's why he came at us with a shotgun this afternoon.

It's-- I'm sorry. It's just a little too easy, you know?

It's just too neat. I can't swallow it.

Of course it's neat.

[sighs] What's wrong with neat? I like neat.

[chuckles]

By neat, you mean simple. [mumbling]

-[engine starts] -Shit! Shit!

-You okay? -Watch out!

-[Martin] Uh, yeah. -What button you push?

What you doing? [stutters] Where's my manual?

[Martin] Okay, man. Okay.

ls this what you're looking for, captain?

You asshole!

[Rianne] Daddy.

-Didn't mean to interrupt... -Oh, no.

...one of those intellectual conversations.

[Roger] What is it, Rianne?

[Rianne] Mark asked me to a club tomorrow night.

You're grounded. You know that.

[Rianne] Please, Daddy.

Mark? Which one is Mark?

[Rianne] You know, the blonde one.

-The one with pits in his face? -Those are dimples.

Those are pits. When he smiles, I can see through his head.

The answer is no. End of story.

[Martin] Oh, come on, Rog. Have a heart.

Hey, good buddy. She smoked pot in the house. She's grounded.

[Rianne] Well, next time I'll just take a beer instead.

Why can I have a beer, and I can't smoke a joint?

It's not coke, you know?

Oh, okay. I'll tell you why.

Because now, at this moment, beer is legal. Grass ain't.

Right or wrong?

- It's wrong. - Rig ht.

Right.

[Rianne] They sit up there drinking six-packs,

and I get grounded.

[sighs]

I'm gonna go home. [groans]

I lost track.

-We resolve anything here tonight? -Yeah, we resolved plenty.

We resolved that the wife takes out the garbage.

[Roger groans]

[Martin] Your daughter smokes grass in the house,

and it's illegal.

You don't know a hell of a lot about boats.

-[chuckling] -[chuckles]

And, uh...

-You got a hell of a nice family there. -[chuckles] Thank you.

Oh, and I enjoyed the meal. Thanks a lot.

Bullshit, but thanks anyway. [chuckles]

You don't trust me at all, do you?

I tell you what.

You make it through tomorrow without killing anybody,

especially me or yourself.

Then I'll start trusting you.

Fair enough.

I do it real good, you know?

Do what?

When I was 19, I did a guy in Laos from 1,000 yards out.

A rifle shot in high wind.

Maybe eight or even ten guys in the world could've make that shot.

It's the only thing I was ever good at.

I'll see you tomorrow.

-[door opens] -Y-yeah. I'll see you.

-[stutters] Hey. Hey, Riggs. - Yo.

You really like my wife's cooking?

No.

See you tomorrow.

[engine starts]

[thunder rumbles]

You lookin‘ for somethin‘?

Aren't we all?

You affiliated with any law enforcement organization?

No, get in the car.

How old are you?

- Twenty-two . - Bullshit.

Why, you like 'em younger?

Yeah, younger the better. How old are you?

Sixteen.

A hundred bucks. What'd you have in mind?

Well, I want you to come home and watch television with me.

That's all?

Yeah. Yeah, Three Stooges are on in about 20 minutes, you know.

-Are you serious? -Sure, I'm serious.

- Boop! {chuckles}

-[imitating Curly] Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo. -[laughs]

[humming]

[cat meows]

Hey, hey. Get... get out of there, Burbank.

Get... get...

-[meows] -Here.

[groans]

[chuckles]

Oh, this is cute. [chuckles]

We got here? "Police evidence."

[static on TV]

[laughter]

[laughter continues]

-[woman 1] There's Amanda. -[woman 2] Come on.

[woman 1] Don't be shy.

Yeah, come on, Amanda...

[birds singing]

[dog barking in distance]

{gasps} -Morning, Roger.

Here, have some coffee.

Hey, Roger. I've been doing a little thinking.

I've been doing a lot of thinking, actually,

about the night Amanda Hunsaker died.

-[whispering] Oh, how'd you get in here? -Uh, Trish let me in.

-What time is it? -Uh, it's daytime.

-Okay, I'm up. -Listen about the night--

-Get on some clothes. -...Amanda Hunsaker died, she--

What was the name of that hooker who witnessed the jump?

Oh, come on. You let me go to sleep.

No, come on. We gotta get up and catch bad guys today.

-Okay, okay, okay. -You know, be real policemen.

- I'll get a shower. I'll get a shower. - Yeah.

What was the name of that hooker?

-The one that witnessed the jump. -I said I'll get a shower.

- Wilshire Vice says-- - Dixie.

-...Century City's not her usual turf. -Dixie! Her name is Dixie.

And gi-- Give me that cup!

And... and get out of here!

[gunshots]

Someone was in bed with Amanda Hunsaker the night she died.

Right, until now, we assumed it was a man.

Okay, suppose it was Dixie.

Okay, disgusting, but okay.

Let's say Dixie put the drain cleaner in her pills.

Say someone paid her to do it.

Sure, she thinks, "Fine, Amanda swallows a couple of downers, and--

-[gun fires] -. . .she's dead."

-Then, Dixie-- -If it was her.

If it was her. She's got plenty of time to spritz the place up--

-[gun fires] -. . .get out, whatever.

Except Amanda jumps out the window.

[chuckles] Or Dixie pushes her. You know, either way.

Either way, she has to make a quick exit because the body's public,

so she hauls ass downstairs.

People are coming out saying, "What's happened? What's happened?"

-Somebody spots her-- -[gun fires]

-...she says, "Shit." -That's right.

-She actually stops and says, "Sh"-- -[gun fires]

The point being that now she has to cover her ass.

-[gun fires] -Right.

So she grabs the nearest flatfoot she can find, and she says,

"Officer, Officer, I saw the whole thing."

[gunshots]

Right.

Right. [chuckles]

[groans] That's pretty fucking thin.

[chuckles] That's very thin.

Oh, what the hell. Thin's my middle name.

Yeah, your wife's cooking. I'm not surprised.

-[Roger] What? -Nothing.

Remarks like that will not get you invited to Christmas dinner.

My luck's changing for the better every day.

All right, baby. Come to Roger. Come on.

Whoo. Center mass.

Center mass. [chuckles]

[chuckles] Read 'em and weep.

[chuckling]

What do you do, sleep with that thing under your pillow?

I would if I slept.

[chuckling] Step back, baby. Let me show what old man can do.

Just warming up. Just warming up.

[Roger whistling]

Watch carefully.

[sighs]

[chuckling]

Yeah.

Hey! Look at that, will you? Not bad for an old man.

Okay, step aside, old man.

[scatting]

[humming]

[humming continues]

-[Martin continues humming, scatting] -[mechanical whirring]

[receptionist through PA system] Sergeant Dennis. Call your watch captain.

Sergeant Dennis. Call your watch captain, please.

-[continues humming] -[mechanical whirring]

[stops humming]

Have a nice day.

[Martin hums]

Shit!

[car approaching]

Uh-oh! The policemen are here!

-[kid 1] Yeah, you're right. -[kids] Hello, policemen!

-[Martin chuckles] Hi. -Shit.

-Hi. -[kid 2] Hi.

-How you doing? -[kids] Fine.

[kids] Are you going to bust Dixie?

Oh, no. We're just going over there for a cup of coffee.

Yeah. We're going over here to have breakfast.

[kids] You're gonna bust Dixie! You're gonna bust Dixie!

You're gonna bust Dixie! You're gonna bust Dixie!

-Like I said, thin. -Probably nothing.

[Martin groans]

[gasps] Did you see that? Wasn't that great?

-[kids murmur, gasp] -[dog barking]

What are you, a fag?

[Roger grunts] Your coat's on fire!

Shit.

[Roger grunting]

-Probably nothing. Very thin. -Yeah. Thin. Very thin.

You guys okay? Got all your fingers and toes?

- Shit. -3-William-56.

I didn't see it. Do it again!

We got a fire and explosion at 111th and Larch.

Request ambulance and fire department.

[kid 1] That was great! That was like the Fourth of July!

[kids] Do it again! Do it again!

-Okay. Enough. Enough. Enough. -Give me a break, guys.

-[kid 3] Do you think Dixie was home? -Enough.

[police sirens wailing]

[police officers, firefighters speaking indistinctly]

What you got?

Part of the device.

Oh, this is artwork. This is goddamn artwork.

Swell. I'm glad you like it.

No, you don't get it. This is real pro stuff.

I haven't seen anything like this since the war.

-C-Come again? Come on. -Well, the CIA, they used to hire mercs.

They used the exact same setup. Mercury switches, gaflooey!

-That's heavy shit. -[officer 1] Guys!

Guys!

I think we got something over here. The detective wants to see you.

[helicopter blades whirring]

[detective] Okay, here it is.

Bunch of kids playing this morning,

one of them saw a guy checking the meter.

-Where? -Here at Dixie's.

He was playing some kind of game hiding under the porch.

-Says he saw the guy pretty good too. -It could be a break.

Oh, what, are you kidding? Those kids are six years old.

If that.

-You call the gas company? -Sure did.

No one's supposed to check that meter for at least another month.

-[Roger] Let me handle this. -[detective] Be my guest.

Here's the little fellow that saw the guy.

Hi.

My name is Detective Murtaugh. What's yours?

Don't tell him your name.

Don't tell him your name or he's gonna put you in jail.

And you won't see your mom.

No, no, no. It's all right. I'm not gonna put you in jail.

Come on. What's your name?

-No! -Don't tell him your name, Alfred.

-Oops. {Roger} Alfred!

Oh, this is-- This is Alfred! Hey, meet Alfred. This is Alfred.

Alfred, hi! How old are you, Alfred?

Six.

Six years old. I bet you like GoBots.

ls that a real gun?

Yeah, yes. This is a real gun.

Do you kill people?

No. If some guy is hurting someone,

I try to shoot him in the leg or something. Just to stop him.

Mama says policemen shoot Black people.

-[kid 2] ls it true? -[kid 3] Yeah, is it true?

-ls that true? ls that true? -Yeah, is it true?

-Uh. .. -[kid 2] ls it true?

Uh, maybe we ought to get the kids some...

Ice cream. Ice cream?

You like ice cream?

-Yeah. -[kids] Yeah! Ice cream!

- Ice cream! Ice cream! Yeah. -[detective] Ice cream!

Uh-uh. No. No, no, no.

-N0t-- Not you, Alfred. -[kid 3] I like chocolate.

[grunts] Now, Alfred.

-[Roger] Uh... -[kid 1] He doesn't have a brother.

The man you saw. The meter man. Did you get a good look at him?

-I saw him. -Great.

Now, picture him in your head.

Close your eyes, and think what he looks like.

-Got it? -Mm-hmm.

Can you draw him?

-Mm-hmm. -Um...

Give me some drawing paper and crayons. Hurry up.

-This is good. I like this. -Can it, man.

No, we're gonna put out an APB on Big Bird.

-That's very funny. -Yeah.

"Attention, all units. Large yellow bird, silly voice."

-You're hilarious, Martin. It's enough. -Yeah.

[Roger] Okay, now tell me what he looks like.

-Was he Black? -Mm-mmm.

Was he white?

-Mm-hmm. -[Roger] Oh, he was white. Okay.

Was he tall?

Oh. Tall like me?

What color was his hair? Uh, was it brown?

Black? No.

- Blond? - Mm-hmm.

Blond. His hair was blond.

What, uh... What did he have on?

Jeans? Did he have jeans on?

It was paint.

-Pained? -Pained?

-P-Pained. -I don't know.

[stutters] Pain...

-P-Painted? -Mm-hmm.

Painted. A-- A tattoo?

Tattoo? Uh, like-- like Popeye?

Like Popeye? A tattoo like Popeye? Oh, not like Popeye.

It was that.

Like that?

Exactly like that?

-Mm-hmm. I saw it good. -[Roger] Oh, did you?

This is it. I remember.

Are you sure?

It had a knife, even.

[police radio chatter continues]

[officer 2] More to the left.

[officer 3 on radio] We copy. 13, stand by.

{officer 1] How are you gonna get-- -[officer 2] Open it up.

Roger, that's a Special Forces tattoo.

-Really? -Yeah.

A Special Forces tattoo, mercury switches...

What the hell have we gotten into here?

-[police siren wailing] -Yeah. Here.

[Martin] Wonder if there's an opening in the LA fire department?

-[lighter clinks] -[speaker] |t's--

It's difficult at a memorial service to find the-- all the happiness.

But Amanda was too special to all of us.

You want to tell me about it?

- Tell you about what? -[Roger] Don't bullshit me.

Your daughter wasn't killed because of something she was into.

She was killed because of something you're into.

Stop me if I'm wrong.

Roger, I don't know what the hell you're talking about.

Hey, Mike. Keep your hands away from your pocket, okay?

-Take it easy, man. -Fuck easy.

When you called me the other day you were gonna blow the whistle, right?

Blow the whistle on what?

You were going to spill your guts so they kill your daughter.

Tell me if I'm wrong. And talk to me!

They killed your daughter.

They paid off a hooker to poison your little girl. Talk to me.

Christ's sake, Roger! I've got another daughter.

She'll be protected.

You can't protect her. You don't know these people.

Acquaint me with them.

[seagulls calling]

It goes all the way back to the war.

I ended up working with a group called "Air America."

CIA front.

They secretly ran the entire war out of Laos.

I was with a special unit called "Shadow Company."

Mercs. Trained killers.

When Charlie was bringing in heroin to finance the VC government,

Shadow Company went in. We burned the whole thing down.

We killed everybody.

We also formed a plan.

Keep talking.

[sighs]

Couple of years ago, Shadow Company got together again.

The war was over...

but we still had our list of sources in Asia.

-And? -And we've been bringing it in ever since.

Bringing in what?

Heroin.

Two major shipments a year.

[sighs] It's all run by ex-CIA.

Soldiers, mercs.

[Roger chuckles] You son of a bitch!

If you were getting cold feet, why did they kill Amanda?

Why not just kill you?

- They can't kill me. They need me. - Why?

My company. The bank. It's a perfect front.

Makes everything look great on the tax reports.

The tax reports.

This is big business, Roger.

Not anymore.

I'm gonna burn it down.

You can't. It's too big, Rog.

These people are trained, expert killers.

I wanna know about your next shipment.

I wanna know where it's coming in. How many people you got working for you.

-I can't tell you that, Roger. -[Roger] I wanna know your sources abroad.

- How long you've been into this. - I've got another daughter.

-You can't protect her. I'm in too deep. -I want all the information you can give.

[glass breaking]

{gunshots} {Roger grunts]

{glass breaking] "[9runts]

-[gunshots] -Heroin.

You got off easy, you son of a bitch.

[gun clicks]

[gun clicks]

[gun cartridge clicks]

You through?

I haven't even started.

[Joshua] General McAllister. 801. This is Delta One.

We're coming in. Over.

-So you've accomplished your mission? -[Joshua, through radio] Yes, sir.

[Joshua] Mr. Hunsaker is dead, sir.

I'm afraid, however, that another problem exists.

[general through radio] What is it? Explain.

[Joshua] Hunsaker spoke to the police, sir.

-[General, through radio] Are they dead? -[Joshua] No. I missed the opportunity.

[general through radio] Very disappointing.

So the police may know everything? The whole operation?

[Joshua] That is correct, sir.

Joshua, I think it's time we turned up the heat.

Come on home.

[thunder rumbling]

-Hi. -[prostitute] Hi.

What's a nice Irish girl like you doing out here tonight?

-[chuckles] -Hey, listen. I'm looking for a guy.

Had this girl in his stable. You know this girl?

-No, I've never seen her before. -Dixie. She's in your line of work. Sure?

-Sure. Why? -[car speeding]

Well, I'm a police officer.

Don't worry, I'm not gonna drag your ass into jail...

[tires screeching]

-[tires screeching] -[car horns honking]

-[car horn honking] -[car speeding away]

[breathing heavily]

-[grunts] -[Roger] You wore your vest.

[chuckles] That was smart, kid.

-[Martin grunts] -Come on.

[Martin groans, grunts]

-[both strain] -[Roger] Hey. Ho-- Hold on!

- I'm on your side. -[Martin grunts]

-[Roger] All right, kid. -Okay. Okay. [sighs]

[grunts] Son of a bitch, that hurts!

All right. You all right?

-Oh, I'm pissed, Roger! Now I'm pissed. -Okay. Okay. Okay.

-Oh, Christ. [laughs] -For God's sake. You okay?

- Look at your face! [laughs, coughs] - Right here.

Two inches higher, they would have gotten your head.

Two inches lower, I'd have been a falsetto for life.

-Come on. Let's fuck off. [coughing] -I bet you'd sound nice too. Come on.

-[Martin] Where's my gun? Where's-- -Right here. Here.

Thanks. [grunts]

-Oh, shit! Roger. -What?

[pants] The guy who shot me...

-The guy who shot me! -Yeah, what about him?

The same albino jackrabbit son of a bitch that did Hunsaker.

- You sure? - I'm sure, man. I never forget an asshole.

[inhales sharply, pants] And I got an idea.

-Oh. What? -We get a couple of first class tickets

to Detroit and lay low for a couple of weeks.

-What do you say? -Uh, now, come on. Be serious.

-What-- What do we do? -[pants] What else?

We bury the fuckers.

And you know something else?

-What? -We do this right, we get famous.

Do shaving ads and shit. Girls. Money.

[scoffs] Sure. With our luck, we're doing Forest Lawn commercials.

- Bullshit! We got the edge, Cochise. - Edge?

Roger, they think I'm dead. I'm a corpse.

[panting]

- Brilliant. {chuckles}

[dispatcher on radio] 3-WiIIiam-56 come in. Over.

Brilliant shit!

-3-William-56. Over. -[dispatcher] We got a body for you.

-Male, Caucasian, age 17. -He was at Hunsaker's place.

- I saw him, he saw me. -[Roger] Uh, 3-William-56.

Negative. Get someone else to do it, okay? That was pretty--

Captain says to give it to you.

3rd and Ocean. About two blocks from your house.

Uh, yeah, sure. He's probably blond with big dimples.

-You know-- -How did you know that, sarge? Over.

-Hey. Get in here! -What's the matter?

-What? -[breathes heavily] Trouble.

What? What?

[Roger] I got a feeling they just gave a description

of the kid my daughter's dating.

[sirens wailing]

[Roger] Let's be dark and quiet.

[keys jingle]

[whispers] One, two...

[breathes shakily] Bastards got my daughter.

Oh, shit.

[hammer cocks]

-[gasps] What is it? -[stammers] Nothing.

-What is it? -[Roger] Nothing!

[gasps] Get back in your room. Back in your room!

[whimpering]

'[Ph0ne rings] {gasps}

[stammers] Murtaugh.

[Joshua] You have a very beautiful daughter.

If I were you, I'd stick by the phone to find out where to meet us.

[disconnect tone]

[shakily] They got my kid.

Bastards took my baby.

-[Trish sobs] -[Roger whispers] Oh, baby.

[sirens wailing]

[receptionist on intercom] Sergeant McCaskey, pick up line three.

Robbery Homicide, McCaskey speaking.

Yes, this is KCOP News.

We understand that there was

an officer-involved shooting earlier this evening.

Could you give us more information?

Sergeant Martin Riggs was shot and killed.

Who is this?

Oh, thank you. We'll send somebody right over.

Bingg!

Riggs is out of the picture.

I want Murtaugh taken alive.

He may not talk.

We have his little girl. He'll talk.

You know they're gonna kill her, don't you?

[Roger] Yes.

And if you want her back, you're gonna have to take her away from them.

I know.

[sighs] I know.

We do this my way.

You shoot and you shoot to kill.

Get as many as you can.

All you got to do is just not miss.

I won't miss.

We're gonna get bloody on this one, Roger.

Are you really crazy?

Or are you as good as you say you are?

You're gonna have to trust me.

[phone rings]

Here we go.

-[Roger] Murtaugh. -[Joshua] We don't want your daughter.

We just wanna know what Hunsaker told you.

Dry lake, Victorville. Sunrise tomorrow. Be there.

Murtaugh!

[Roger] Yes, that's right.

Show me my daughter!

Let me see her, then I'll come quietly.

He wants to see the girl.

[Joshua] Get out.

Daddy!

Okay, baby! I'm here.

Okay, it's all right.

Simple exchange.

You come with us, the girl takes a walk.

Let her go now.

As I say, take your hands out of your pockets.

Sure thing, pal.

It's alive.

Let her go now, or we all die.

[Joshua] Take him!

He has a grenade!

He's bluffing!

He wouldn't risk killing his own daughter.

If she's gonna die,

she's gonna die with me.

My way, not yours.

Come on. Goddamn it, Roger. Get out of the way.

Move to your left. Come on!

Put the pin back in.

Officer Murtaugh, don't be foolish. Look at the hardware.

To your left. Move to your left.

Look at the firepower.

You're grounded. Riggs is gone.

Put the pin back in the grenade.

Yeah. If you come closer,

then we all die.

No. I don't think so.

{Roger grunts] -Daddy!

Come on, honey. Come on, honey.

-[Rianne screams] -Just a smoker.

-Bingo. -[screaming]

-Where the hell is he? -Damn it. It's Riggs.

[Roger] Rianne, get in the car!

[screaming]

Rianne, get in the fucking car!

[gunshots]

[engine starts]

[screams]

[gunshots]

[Roger] Go, Rianne! Go!

Come on, cottontail. Stick your head up.

That's it, you son of a bitch. Good night.

[hammer cocks]

Don't try it, son. You're not that fast.

[General on radio] Hello, Joshua. Hello, Joshua.

-Yes, sir. -I got Riggs.

Yes, sir.

He's got Riggs. Go get the girl! The girl!

[mercenary] Throw your weapon down!

Put your hands behind your head!

[Martin] You're General Peter McAllister, commander of Shadow Company.

[General] Ah. I see we've heard of each other.

[Martin] Yep. It'll almost be a shame when I nail you.

[chuckles]

Yeah, I ran into some of those Shadow Company pussies in Saigon in about '69.

[General] You did, did you?

[sobbing]

[Rianne] Leave me alone!

Why don't you save your strength? You're gonna need it.

Who's the chin?

Endo, meet Mr. Martin Riggs.

Endo here has forgotten more about dispensing pain

than you and I will ever know.

Terrific.

See, Martin, we have a problem.

Since we have Murtaugh,

we don't really need you.

But I believe in being thorough.

Yeah, I've heard that about you.

Yeah.

Well, our problem, and yours too,

is we have a shipment of merchandise to deliver.

Why don't you guys just call it heroin?

It's rather large, this shipment.

It would be unfortunate, however,

if we showed up to deliver our heroin

and were surrounded by 50 cops.

That would be too bad.

Yes, it would be.

So it's essential for us to find out all the cops know.

Hey, we don't know shit.

You did Hunsaker before he could say--

No! No!

I wish I could believe you, but, unfortunately, I don't.

Now, if you would kindly tell me everything you know,

I promise you I'll kill you quick.

[breathes heavily]

I've told you everything I know.

Endo?

[breathes shakily] What is that thing?

I'll tell you what it is.

It's called electric shock treatment.

Well...

I guess we're in for a long night, because I don't know shit.

We'll see.

Endo?

Son of a bitch!

[scream]

-Hit him again! -[screams]

Hit him again!

[shouting]

Come on. Tell me about the shipment!

I'm gonna fucking kill the both of you!

That's very funny. I want to know about the shipment!

[screaming]

[General] The shipment, Mr. Murtaugh.

Go spit!

[Larch] Salt.

No...

[grunting]

[screaming]

[screams]

Go spit, you son of a bitch. Fuck you!

This is getting nowhere.

Mr. Larch.

[breathes heavily]

[Endo] He knows shit. We're safe.

He'd have told us. Nobody can take that.

Fine.

Badass soldier, huh?

- Baby! .

[Rianne screams]

[sobbing]

Get her up. Go on.

Get her up!

Untie me, and I'll kill all of you bastards!

[General] You better tell me what you know.

Fuck you, bastard! Son of a bitch, I'll kill you!

I swear, I'll kill you! You fucking bastard.

[groans]

[Endo] Sorry, pal. Say good night. [grunts]

[choking]

Yes, that's a real good-looking young woman

you got there, Mr. Murtaugh.

No.

I've told you everything.

We'll soon know, won't we?

I'm warning you.

Don't.

Spare me, son. It's over.

There's no more heroes left in the world.

[Rianne screams]

Kill that son of a bitch!

-[Roger] That asshole's getting away! -[Martin] Who's fucking next?

McAllister!

Who's next?

Pretty thin, huh?

Anorexic.

Daddy!

It's all right.

Let's do what one shepherd said to the other.

-What? -Let's get the flock out of here.

[Roger] Come on. Let's go. It's all right.

You're all right, baby. Come on. Everything's all right.

[groans]

[screams]

[Martin] ls it him?

[Roger] No. It's not Joshua.

[rock music playing]

[grunting]

-Hey! What are you-- -[gunshots]

[Martin] Joshua!

Come on, come on, come on!

Come on, come on, come on!

[screaming]

Move it, move it, move it!

[horn honking]

[horn honking]

-Hold it! Stop, stop, stop! -[tires screech]

Get out of the fucking car, bitch!

Come on! Now!

[screaming]

[Roger] Police officer, police officer!

[Carjacking victim screaming]

[tires squealing]

-[police officer] Freeze! -|'m a police officer.

Got a badge in my pocket.

Give me some backup, and take care of the girl.

[tires squealing]

-[tires screech] -[horns honking]

[driver] Hey, hey! Hey, get off my car!

[tires screech]

Hey, Riggs!

- Yo! - The freeway! He's going for the freeway!

-You okay? -Yeah.

[Roger] Cut over the 3rd Street Bridge.

You'll be able to get ahead of him.

General McAllister...

time for you to die.

[horns honking]

[tires squealing]

-[engine revving] -[horn honking]

[horn honking]

Oh, shit!

Hold it!

[grunts]

You all right?

Get back in your car!

Mind if I test drive your Audi?

[tires screeching]

Stop, you son of a bitch!

Shit!

Goddamn it!

He's got my car!

[grunts]

-Get back! -Hey, man, I'm cool, I'm cool.

[horn honking]

Stupid!

[siren wailing in distance]

Let's get out of here.

Open the door!

Kill that cop son of a bitch.

No way you live. No way.

[horn honking]

[grunts]

[tires screeching]

[sirens wailing]

[grunting]

[screaming]

[laughing]

[indistinct police radio chatter]

gangway!

-[police officer 1] Hold it, pal. -Police officer, police officer.

-Okay, go ahead. -All right, go ahead.

-[police officer 1] Folks, stay back now. -[police officer 2] Open it up.

- Well, shit. What now, kid? -[grunts] Shit.

- Ow! Shit. Ow! - Well, the first thing we gotta do

-is get you to a hospital, huh? -Yeah, yeah.

Come on. Let's go.

Don't breathe this stuff, you'll see pink elephants.

And Joshua?

The slippery son of a bitch got away.

What do you mean he got away?

Hey, fire me.

-Shit. -Hey. Hey, hold on a second.

[Martin] Hey. Hey, where you going, Roger?

Hey, Sarge, I'm commandeering your car here.

Hey. Hey, hey, what's the matter?

My home, man. The son of a bitch knows where I live.

-Well, I'll drive, Cochise. I'll drive. -Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Get in on the other side. Let Riggs drive. Don't worry about it.

- There you go. - I'm all right.

[police officer] 3-W-30 en route to Sergeant Murtaugh's residence.

Requesting additional units.

[indistinct chatter]

[siren wailing]

[tires squealing]

Excuse me, sir, may we help you?

No, thank you.

[horn honking]

[gunshots]

[person 1 on TV] Good morning, sir.

Tell me, what day is it?

What day?

Goddamn Christmas!

I'll give you a home to come back to.

[person 2 on TV] The spirits must have done everything in one night.

Crazy son of a bitch.

[engine humming]

-[engine stops] -[person whistles]

[sighs]

Give me that. Drop it.

[Roger] Looking for your general friend?

Yeah. He's barbecuing his nuts on Hollywood Boulevard.

Yeah.

What do you say, Jack?

Would you like a shot at the title?

Don't mind if I do.

[both grunting]

[siren wailing in distance]

[tires squealing]

Okay, men, okay. Okay, I'm Sergeant Murtaugh.

My responsibility here.

[dispatcher on radio] I repeat, watch commander is en route.

Until then, Sergeant Murtaugh is in charge on site.

Just keep the citizens clear.

[grunting, groaning]

[helicopter blades whirring]

[Roger] Keep everyone back.

This is Sergeant Riggs's arrest. I'll take full responsibility.

The son of a bitch just killed two of our men.

Get him, kid! He's yours!

Yeah!

-Come on. Come on, get up! -[Martin groans]

-Come on, Riggs! Come on! -[Roger] Break his back!

[Martin screams]

Want to quit now? Want to quit now?

Oh, that's good.

[both grunting]

-Give me that. -Here.

Riggs!

[grunting, groaning]

Yeah, come on. Come on!

Yeah, show me what you got. Come on, come on.

-Yeah. -[grunts]

[Roger] Get him!

[Martin] Eat this.

[screaming]

[Roger] Martin!

Kid, let us take him!

Come on, let me take him!

- No! - Please!

No! Back off!

[both grunting]

[choking]

[Martin laughs]

Break his fucking neck!

[grunting]

[Martin] It's not worth it.

You lose.

[Roger] Get that shit off my lawn!

-How you doing, kid? -[coughing]

Yeah.

I got you. I got you, partner.

Merry Christmas, Victoria Lynn.

I love you.

-Hi. -Oh, hi

How are you?

Urn, I'm gonna be all right.

-Oh, good. -You?

Yeah, I'm good. Yeah.

Um...

Give this to your dad, okay? Uh, it's a present for him.

Tell him I won't be needing it anymore.

It's a bullet.

Yeah, it's a bullet. [chuckles]

Well, he'll understand.

[chuckles]

Hey, you want to come in? We're building.

No, |-- Well, I gotta go.

You have a nice Christmas, though, okay?

Okay, you too.

-Bye. -Bye.

Riggs.

Yo.

Shh.

After all we've been through,

if you think I'm gonna eat the world's lousiest Christmas turkey

by myself, you're crazy.

I'll tell you a little secret.

-What? -|'m not crazy.

I know.

Oh, good. Let's eat.

Hey, you know something?

Well, I think your daughter kind of likes me.

-If you touch her, I'll kill you. -[chuckles] You'll try.

Hey, you mind if I bring a friend?

Bring a friend.

Hey. [whistles]

[(109 barks]

["I'll Be Home For Christmas" playing]

[Roger] I don't think Burbank the cat's gonna like this.

I'll put five on the mutt.

-[glass shatters] -[Burbank screeches]

-[indistinct clamoring] -[dog barking]

[child] Burbank, Burbank! Watch out, Burbank!

[Roger] I'm too old for this.

J' I'll be home for Christmas J'

J' Oh, yes J'

J' If only in my dreams J'

J' I'll be home for Christmas J'

["Lethal Weapon" playing]

[$0ngs ends]