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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,710 --> 00:00:04,230 I'm never drinking again. 2 00:00:04,750 --> 00:00:05,890 Yes, you will. 3 00:00:06,110 --> 00:00:07,110 No. 4 00:00:07,510 --> 00:00:12,170 This time, I mean it. You say that every time we drink. 5 00:00:13,350 --> 00:00:15,270 Hey, guys. 6 00:00:15,570 --> 00:00:17,910 Do I have a story for you? 7 00:00:18,170 --> 00:00:20,030 Oh, God, can you tell it quietly? 8 00:00:20,510 --> 00:00:22,750 Let me guess. The point and drink game again? 9 00:00:23,230 --> 00:00:24,230 Drink. 10 00:00:25,750 --> 00:00:26,750 Drink. 11 00:00:28,230 --> 00:00:29,230 Drink. 12 00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:31,940 I'm never drinking again. 13 00:00:32,540 --> 00:00:37,180 I could never see alcohol again, and I would be totally fine with that. 14 00:00:37,620 --> 00:00:43,200 Just Diet Coke from here on in. I'm never drinking again. 15 00:00:43,820 --> 00:00:45,440 I don't say it that much. 16 00:00:45,780 --> 00:00:50,080 Okay, so I come home from work. Kevin invited Cory to his wedding. 17 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,180 Laura! Wait, you were taking forever. 18 00:00:52,980 --> 00:00:58,000 You still talk to Kevin? No, that's the whole point. Can you believe what a dick 19 00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:58,879 move this is? 20 00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:02,680 Is he trying to rub it in my face? She's gonna go anyway, because she thinks he 21 00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:03,940 thinks she won't go. 22 00:01:04,180 --> 00:01:07,500 Laura, my story! I get an invite, too. Kevin invited you? 23 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:11,100 Why wouldn't he? Every party's better with Laura. 24 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:13,920 I'm cute, I'm fun, and I salsa. 25 00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:17,040 Okay. 26 00:01:17,220 --> 00:01:20,720 So wait a second. You just break up with him a few months ago, and now he's 27 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:21,699 already getting married? 28 00:01:21,700 --> 00:01:22,399 I know! 29 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:23,980 What, was he cheating on you the whole time? 30 00:01:33,520 --> 00:01:35,200 Are you asking me on a fake date? 31 00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:37,300 I can't show up to this wedding alone. 32 00:01:37,900 --> 00:01:40,500 Besides, he was always jealous of our previous relationship anyway. 33 00:01:40,740 --> 00:01:41,439 He was? 34 00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:42,440 No. 35 00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:44,000 But will you still go with me? 36 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:45,940 Dude. Open bar. 37 00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:49,560 Free booze. I'm back off the wagon, bitch. Drink. 38 00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:55,760 I've been dead. 39 00:01:56,420 --> 00:01:57,420 I've been dragged. 40 00:01:58,100 --> 00:02:00,560 And I haven't won the lottery yet. 41 00:02:01,820 --> 00:02:03,940 Adverse. into the hole. 42 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:07,060 I ain't got no place to go. 43 00:02:07,380 --> 00:02:11,620 Why doesn't anybody want me? 44 00:02:13,460 --> 00:02:17,780 Why doesn't anybody need me? 45 00:02:39,500 --> 00:02:40,500 What are you doing? 46 00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:41,560 Moving out. 47 00:02:42,380 --> 00:02:44,400 Where are you going to go? 48 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:48,220 Not sure yet, but I can't stay here. 49 00:02:48,540 --> 00:02:50,760 Whoa, whoa, whoa. What happened? 50 00:02:51,160 --> 00:02:54,700 For 20 years, I've been helping you out with your problems. 51 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:58,980 It's always, hey, Otterist, what do I do about Cory? 52 00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:06,380 Or, hey, Otterist, what do I do about my horror movie career? Or, hey, Otterist. 53 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,240 Do these look like crabs to you? 54 00:03:09,540 --> 00:03:14,820 Hey, the crabs thing was only twice, and both times it was a false alarm. 55 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:17,560 Okay, one of the times. 56 00:03:18,460 --> 00:03:24,880 What about the time I stood watch over you all night so you wouldn't be 57 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:26,620 by Freddy Krueger? 58 00:03:42,570 --> 00:03:43,750 Well, I was tired. 59 00:03:44,510 --> 00:03:45,510 Teddy bear? 60 00:03:46,550 --> 00:03:49,510 Spooky Dan Bear is none of your business. 61 00:03:51,890 --> 00:03:53,470 Come on, where are you going to go? 62 00:03:54,010 --> 00:03:57,670 Who's going to buy you Big League Chew? Or those Cadbury mini eggs that you like 63 00:03:57,670 --> 00:03:58,670 so much, huh? 64 00:03:58,750 --> 00:04:01,530 Tell me something personal about me. 65 00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:05,350 Odorous churungus that only a true friend would know. 66 00:04:06,670 --> 00:04:10,670 You... You smell like a bag of dicks. Ah! 67 00:04:11,850 --> 00:04:15,090 Whatever. See you around, dickhole. 68 00:04:15,890 --> 00:04:16,890 Come on. 69 00:04:17,890 --> 00:04:19,029 Don't do this. 70 00:04:19,250 --> 00:04:20,769 Kiss my pimply ass. 71 00:04:22,850 --> 00:04:24,010 I need your opinion. 72 00:04:25,390 --> 00:04:29,750 Don't uh me. You always used to do that to me at the mall. Every fitting room, 73 00:04:29,790 --> 00:04:31,890 it was always uh, uh, uh. 74 00:04:32,350 --> 00:04:35,270 Joe and I uh in fitting rooms sometimes, too. 75 00:04:37,850 --> 00:04:39,370 Return the man. 76 00:04:40,570 --> 00:04:41,570 Stop. 77 00:04:43,929 --> 00:04:44,929 Option one. 78 00:04:46,850 --> 00:04:47,850 See? 79 00:04:48,730 --> 00:04:51,250 It will bring you great danger. 80 00:04:52,090 --> 00:04:53,090 Oh, come on. 81 00:04:55,050 --> 00:05:00,250 I think option number one says, I am so confident and over you that I didn't 82 00:05:00,250 --> 00:05:01,270 even put out that much effort. 83 00:05:01,650 --> 00:05:03,750 Okay. Option number two. 84 00:05:04,230 --> 00:05:08,870 Option number two says, Whoa, kind of crazy how your ex -girlfriend just 85 00:05:08,870 --> 00:05:10,350 up your own wife on her wedding day. 86 00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:13,630 Okay. And option three says... Yes. 87 00:05:14,230 --> 00:05:16,470 Option three says yes. 88 00:05:17,050 --> 00:05:18,410 You don't think it's too slutty? 89 00:05:18,790 --> 00:05:23,470 Are you kidding? If I was your date, I would have you out of that thing and 90 00:05:23,470 --> 00:05:27,090 over the holy water dish in that church before the ceremony even started. 91 00:05:27,830 --> 00:05:28,830 Wait. 92 00:05:29,650 --> 00:05:31,550 I am your date. 93 00:05:31,850 --> 00:05:36,450 My fake date. You're my fake date. I'll have you know that you and I have had 94 00:05:36,450 --> 00:05:38,430 loads of fake sex. 95 00:05:39,350 --> 00:05:40,350 And you? 96 00:05:40,750 --> 00:05:42,170 Are gonna fake love it. 97 00:05:42,890 --> 00:05:44,510 Maybe if I fake it. 98 00:05:45,110 --> 00:05:46,850 I'll take it. 99 00:05:47,130 --> 00:05:51,950 Not if I break it. We'll still get to make it. 100 00:05:52,590 --> 00:05:55,710 I won't let you see me naked. 101 00:05:56,970 --> 00:06:01,410 We could still shake it. By the lake it. 102 00:06:01,730 --> 00:06:05,810 Eating grape it. Grape doesn't rhyme at all. Grape doesn't rhyme? 103 00:06:06,030 --> 00:06:07,490 That does not rhyme at all. 104 00:06:07,730 --> 00:06:08,730 You might have crabs. 105 00:06:15,790 --> 00:06:17,370 and Corey. It's going to start any second. 106 00:06:17,730 --> 00:06:21,150 Oh, Corey has it all timed out to be casually late and make an entrance. 107 00:06:21,490 --> 00:06:24,790 Down to dropping her purse and bending over to pick it up so that everyone 108 00:06:24,790 --> 00:06:25,790 notices her. 109 00:06:26,570 --> 00:06:27,570 Genius. 110 00:06:28,030 --> 00:06:29,830 Whatever. I'm buying us drinks. 111 00:06:31,530 --> 00:06:34,070 Hey, tonight is all on me. 112 00:06:34,710 --> 00:06:35,790 Oh, right. Open bar. 113 00:06:36,030 --> 00:06:37,030 Hell yeah. 114 00:07:15,050 --> 00:07:17,110 It's like Carrie and Anne, but it's tricky. 115 00:07:48,900 --> 00:07:52,260 You missed the part where she flashed the whole wedding party, her vertical 116 00:07:52,260 --> 00:07:58,080 smile. You mean her love taco? Her centibite skin pull? We're not doing 117 00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:00,560 again. Her ashen clothes. Enough! 118 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:13,860 Look at her. Do you think she's so pretty? 119 00:08:14,240 --> 00:08:15,240 Like, hey! 120 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:23,020 Kind of the bride, Corey. 121 00:08:23,780 --> 00:08:24,980 Her dress is stupid. 122 00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:28,000 You want me to drag her outside and get the shit out of her? Stop it. 123 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:30,380 Hey, guys, you made it. 124 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:33,780 Oh, hey, you. 125 00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:36,960 You, you, you, you. 126 00:08:37,679 --> 00:08:44,600 I miss you so much. No, she doesn't. She doesn't miss you at all. Oh, you're 127 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:45,419 so pretty. 128 00:08:45,420 --> 00:08:46,420 Come here, you. 129 00:08:46,740 --> 00:08:47,740 Hey. 130 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:08,220 And this is my friend, Reggie Bannister. Welcome. 131 00:09:09,740 --> 00:09:12,100 Congrats. Your wedding was beautiful. 132 00:09:12,340 --> 00:09:16,540 For a wedding and a dime for it. Thank you. We wanted to keep it simple, you 133 00:09:16,540 --> 00:09:20,020 know. Didn't want a big fancy party overshadowing our love. 134 00:09:22,780 --> 00:09:26,140 Oh, we know what that's like. 135 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:27,600 You do? 136 00:09:29,040 --> 00:09:30,040 Congrats, 137 00:09:34,060 --> 00:09:35,060 guys. 138 00:09:37,450 --> 00:09:38,790 Well, it was great to see you, Corey. 139 00:09:38,990 --> 00:09:41,610 I'm really happy you could make it and share in our love. 140 00:09:41,930 --> 00:09:45,210 We're so happy you could make it. And turn us. 141 00:09:45,550 --> 00:09:46,750 We'll see you guys in a bit. 142 00:09:47,530 --> 00:09:49,590 Come on, my little pancake. 143 00:09:57,190 --> 00:09:59,490 Okay, um, more drinks? 144 00:09:59,890 --> 00:10:03,590 Yes, must drink more faster, please, very much, thank you. 145 00:10:04,090 --> 00:10:07,220 I'm gonna run to the bathroom real quick, can you just... Make sure she's 146 00:10:07,420 --> 00:10:08,379 Of course. 147 00:10:08,380 --> 00:10:09,359 All right, you got her? 148 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:10,360 Okay. 149 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:12,320 Thank 150 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:19,420 you. 151 00:10:21,220 --> 00:10:22,320 What are you doing here? 152 00:10:22,560 --> 00:10:23,800 I live here now. 153 00:10:24,220 --> 00:10:26,240 In the Casey's Crossing bathroom. 154 00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:27,660 Why not? 155 00:10:27,680 --> 00:10:30,800 According to you, I smell like a sack of scrote anyway. 156 00:10:31,180 --> 00:10:35,360 All I was saying was that I think he... Talk to the head. 157 00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:37,760 Let's just have a conversation. 158 00:10:38,060 --> 00:10:38,999 The hand! 159 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,680 I don't want your hand. I want your mouth. 160 00:10:43,920 --> 00:10:50,660 I got that 161 00:10:50,660 --> 00:10:52,020 scholarship to art school. 162 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:54,700 Laura, that's amazing. 163 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:56,080 Which school? 164 00:10:56,120 --> 00:11:00,220 It's called Schomatenkundschule in Germany. 165 00:11:01,580 --> 00:11:02,640 That's too bad. 166 00:11:02,940 --> 00:11:04,440 Well, look, that's still a good sign. 167 00:11:04,990 --> 00:11:07,290 I'm sure a school around here will accept you any day now. 168 00:11:07,990 --> 00:11:09,830 It's the only one I applied to. 169 00:11:10,790 --> 00:11:14,290 Well, you're not going to accept, are you? 170 00:11:14,630 --> 00:11:15,890 It's a full scholarship. 171 00:11:16,770 --> 00:11:17,770 For how long? 172 00:11:18,290 --> 00:11:19,630 Just a two -year program. 173 00:11:43,690 --> 00:11:46,130 And I brought up going to art school in Germany. 174 00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:16,360 You're pissed off, but you can't. It's time. 175 00:13:34,030 --> 00:13:35,030 You're not doing the job. 176 00:14:26,380 --> 00:14:28,480 Germany? When was she going to tell me? 177 00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:30,980 You were the one who helped her fill out that application. 178 00:14:31,340 --> 00:14:32,380 That was you. 179 00:14:33,060 --> 00:14:34,540 You should be happy for her. 180 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:36,720 I mean, come on. This is awesome. 181 00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:38,560 It's what she always wanted, right? 182 00:14:38,820 --> 00:14:40,300 Whose side are you on here? 183 00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:44,300 Well, I mean, I think it's a very good thing. 184 00:14:44,860 --> 00:14:49,900 Bad. It's bad. Well, you think it's very good. Bad. 185 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,200 You're not helping. I'm really not helping. No. 186 00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:55,640 How's Corey? 187 00:14:57,320 --> 00:14:58,320 her hair back for her. 188 00:14:58,620 --> 00:15:00,080 Should we take her home? 189 00:15:00,360 --> 00:15:02,920 No, I asked her if she wanted to go home and she just said, no. 190 00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:11,300 Kevin, I'm so lonely. 191 00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:13,320 Can 192 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:21,100 we 193 00:15:21,100 --> 00:15:22,100 talk? 194 00:15:22,300 --> 00:15:23,300 Over what? 195 00:15:23,820 --> 00:15:26,600 I'm going to leave you two alone because I got a thing. No, we have... 196 00:15:29,130 --> 00:15:32,390 I already got dance -raped once tonight. Here you go. Here, there you go. All 197 00:15:32,390 --> 00:15:33,390 right. 198 00:15:34,390 --> 00:15:41,350 That was quite a 199 00:15:41,350 --> 00:15:43,450 show you and your girlfriend put on out there earlier. 200 00:15:44,170 --> 00:15:45,169 Oh, that? 201 00:15:45,170 --> 00:15:47,130 No, she's not my girlfriend. 202 00:15:47,730 --> 00:15:49,270 I'm actually her fake date tonight. 203 00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:53,270 She used to date the groom, so it's a whole thing. 204 00:15:53,570 --> 00:15:56,090 If it makes you feel any better, I'm a fake date tonight, too. 205 00:15:58,890 --> 00:16:00,350 Seriously? That's him. Over there. 206 00:16:06,090 --> 00:16:07,090 We've met. 207 00:16:07,330 --> 00:16:11,690 I was supposed to go to an Xbox party tonight, too, so... What's your game? 208 00:16:12,170 --> 00:16:13,170 Resident Evil? 209 00:16:13,430 --> 00:16:17,530 I don't know. I mean, you might think I'm a weirdo, but, um... Yeah, weirdo. 210 00:16:17,530 --> 00:16:19,130 are so weird. 211 00:16:19,350 --> 00:16:21,890 Are you kidding? Do you want to... Do you want to get married? 212 00:16:23,030 --> 00:16:25,090 No, honestly, because there's a priest right there. 213 00:16:26,550 --> 00:16:27,550 I'm Adam. 214 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:29,240 I'm Dana. 215 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:31,700 Speaking of zombies. 216 00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:37,600 What does that carry in? You should probably take care of that. 217 00:16:38,180 --> 00:16:39,440 Am I fat? 218 00:16:40,580 --> 00:16:41,620 What's your game attack? 219 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:43,660 I'm Red Rum 13. 220 00:16:44,100 --> 00:16:45,100 No way. 221 00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:47,080 I'm Jack Torrance 13. 222 00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:49,620 No one is ever going to love me at all. 223 00:16:50,260 --> 00:16:51,400 Good luck with that. 224 00:16:51,700 --> 00:16:52,299 Thank you. 225 00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:53,940 Hopefully I'll see you online sometime. 226 00:16:54,260 --> 00:16:55,700 You most definitely will. 227 00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:56,920 Okay. Bye. 228 00:16:57,530 --> 00:16:58,530 I can't breathe, 229 00:16:59,770 --> 00:17:00,950 Adam. It's not my fault. 230 00:17:01,910 --> 00:17:04,650 I made a fool of myself tonight, didn't I? 231 00:17:04,869 --> 00:17:08,849 No, you weren't. I did. I made a fool of myself, didn't I? No, you were fun. 232 00:17:09,210 --> 00:17:12,810 You were a lot of fun. Everybody was really, it was fun. 233 00:17:13,609 --> 00:17:15,230 Do you want to stay with me tonight? 234 00:17:18,109 --> 00:17:19,510 I don't think that would be a good idea. 235 00:17:19,710 --> 00:17:21,270 How come no one thinks I'm pretty? 236 00:17:23,030 --> 00:17:24,190 Everybody thinks you're pretty. 237 00:17:25,930 --> 00:17:26,930 Do you still think I'm pretty? 238 00:17:29,090 --> 00:17:30,090 Pretty. 239 00:17:30,270 --> 00:17:32,270 I think you're beautiful. 240 00:17:33,730 --> 00:17:36,110 And you'll always be my favorite thing in the world. 241 00:17:38,070 --> 00:17:44,870 Even when we're both 80 and we made the mistake of marrying and starting 242 00:17:44,870 --> 00:17:51,590 families with other people, if you just said the word, I'd leave all of it just 243 00:17:51,590 --> 00:17:52,590 to be near you. 244 00:18:01,389 --> 00:18:03,390 So, party's wrapping up. Wanna go? 245 00:18:04,470 --> 00:18:08,510 Um, I think Corey might still have one more dance left in her. 246 00:18:10,890 --> 00:18:12,210 No, she's done. Yeah. 247 00:18:12,530 --> 00:18:13,530 Nope. 248 00:18:13,630 --> 00:18:14,369 Not at all. 249 00:18:14,370 --> 00:18:15,370 There you go. 250 00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:21,010 Come on, let's go. 251 00:18:22,010 --> 00:18:26,390 What? I didn't do it. I gotcha, I gotcha. I know, I know. I didn't want 252 00:18:26,390 --> 00:18:28,290 you guys mind just waiting for me out there really quick? 253 00:18:28,570 --> 00:18:29,570 Alright, let's go. 254 00:18:35,660 --> 00:18:36,399 We need to talk. 255 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:37,400 What do you want? 256 00:18:37,980 --> 00:18:41,080 Come on, Odorous. How am I supposed to figure out my life without you? 257 00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:42,620 Don't care! 258 00:18:43,180 --> 00:18:47,080 Tell me what I can do for you. Here, let me give you advice about something. 259 00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:49,000 Well, okay. 260 00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:54,960 Back on my whole planet, there's this... girl. 261 00:18:55,540 --> 00:18:56,580 Okay, what's her name? 262 00:18:57,520 --> 00:18:58,520 I'm Mr. 263 00:18:58,880 --> 00:18:59,880 Hyman. 264 00:19:00,620 --> 00:19:01,620 Okay, 265 00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:02,879 go on. 266 00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:07,940 Well, anyway, I'm trying to figure out, um... Do I have a nice ass? 267 00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:11,120 I mean, like, on a scale of one to ten. 268 00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:15,220 Like, if you were an alien woman, would you hit this thing? 269 00:19:16,460 --> 00:19:22,880 Uh... Because I can't figure out whether she likes me or not, you know? 270 00:19:24,540 --> 00:19:29,240 I think you have a fantastic ass. 271 00:19:32,040 --> 00:19:33,040 Thank you. 272 00:20:23,370 --> 00:20:25,790 So she's going to Germany, she's not going to Germany. 273 00:20:26,450 --> 00:20:27,450 It's complicated. 274 00:20:28,870 --> 00:20:31,630 All you did is have drunk makeup sex with her, didn't you? 275 00:20:31,930 --> 00:20:33,230 It was open bar. 276 00:20:33,510 --> 00:20:34,510 It'll be fine. 277 00:20:34,550 --> 00:20:39,370 Do you honestly think that she's going to go to Germany and leave all of... 278 00:20:39,370 --> 00:20:40,370 behind? 279 00:20:40,650 --> 00:20:44,110 I think she would go to Connecticut and leave all of that behind. 280 00:20:44,770 --> 00:20:46,950 Whatever. Hey, did you call that girl last night? 281 00:20:47,150 --> 00:20:51,690 I did. And we have texted seven times now. Thank you very much. 282 00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:54,720 In fact, I got a winky face. 283 00:20:55,660 --> 00:20:56,840 What's a winky face mean? 284 00:20:57,500 --> 00:21:04,100 It's like a text that says, I am flirting with you. 285 00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:10,920 You've got to get it out. We're going to go through this whole goddamn scene. 286 00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:14,740 It's a text that says... Did that really help? 287 00:21:17,580 --> 00:21:19,180 It's a text that says... 288 00:21:22,670 --> 00:21:23,549 Text, text, text. 289 00:21:23,550 --> 00:21:24,590 I am flirting with you. 290 00:21:26,390 --> 00:21:27,770 Really? Yep. Wow. 291 00:21:28,370 --> 00:21:35,290 Now... I just need to turn that into a... Into a... I want to have sex with 292 00:21:35,290 --> 00:21:36,290 you face. 293 00:21:40,170 --> 00:21:41,930 Cookie thing holiday! 294 00:21:42,810 --> 00:21:45,050 Too late. Episode's over, miss. Seriously? 295 00:21:50,670 --> 00:21:57,550 reason we got good salvation if you don't believe us we 296 00:21:57,550 --> 00:21:58,670 can make it 20334