Original subtitles

She's an hour late already.

Relax. Her flight probably got in late or something. Maybe weather or

On the wing.

That root canal's still bothering you?

It's killing me. So take the painkillers they gave you. That's what they're for.

The doctor only gave me 15.

And I got a lot of important stuff I gotta save those for.

Breaking Bad premiere.

New Dead Space game.

Metallica's touring again this summer.

So could I... No way.

There she is.

Danielle, hi.

Hi. Hi, I'm Joe, the director.

Hi. Nice to meet you. This is Adam, the writer. Hi. Hi.

Thank you so much for agreeing to be in our movie. Yeah. Where's Kane?

Kane? He's got a lot of stuff going on. He's actually back at the apartment in

bed. He's staying at your apartment?

Mm -hmm.

Why does he keep touching his face?

Oh, I had a root canal.

What did they give you for that?

Um, just bike it in or whatever.

I have a migraine from the flight.

You don't happen to have any of those pills on you now, do you? Not on me, but

could totally give you one. I have them back at the apartment.

Why don't we take a meeting back to your apartment then?

Yeah? Sure.

Great!

You're going to give your pills to her? What happened to Metallica?

I mean, anger.

I'm in debt.

I regret.

And I haven't won the lottery yet.

I've burst into the hole. I ain't got no place to go.

Why does anybody want me?

Why does anybody need me?

In the movie, your characters did tough and badass chick, right? Okay, wait. You

look really familiar.

Have I met you someplace before?

Uh...

That's Laura, Joe's girlfriend.

She's a unique kind of artist.

It's nice to meet you again.

Again? Yeah, we met at the Rockin' Shot convention, remember?

Adam got all sleepy and up in your face, and his T -shirt smelled so bad that I

went... What was I talking about?

Um, let me get you one of those pills.

Three, actually.

It's a really bad migraine.

Laura, where's Kane?

Oh, God.

Oh!

Hey. I thought you were dead.

Nope.

So, this is where I'm staying.

Well, we'll have to figure that out. Because Kane Hodder likes to sleep with

in here.

That sounds really worse than it is. It sounds hot, actually.

It's not.

Right.

There you go. Thanks, Doc.

Maybe I should hold on to some of those for my root canal. You know what? Use

Advil. So much better for the swelling.

But the doctor gave me those. Plus, those things are highly addictive.

We can't let anything bad happen to you, Miss Ryder.

We can't? Of course not.

Silly. Without good writers, there would be no good movies.

Health always comes first in my book.

That's what I was saying.

Oh, I forgot. I left my ATM card at home.

Think I could borrow some money?

Um,

how much?

How much you got?

Um, I think I have cancer. I think it's like $63.

Over here, because I was saving it for the new Robert England sideshow. I

do it for now. We'll just consider it per diem for the shoot.

Per whatum? I think I can stay in here.

If it's with you, of course. I trust you. You seem like a nice boy.

You seem like a nice boy.

Most guys I meet just want to try and climb on top of me.

I mean, you wouldn't try and do me, would you?

Me? No, I would... Not even if I asked.

I haven't had a good show, man.

Since Sly Stallone when we did Daylight.

I like you.

I like you a lot.

Knock, knock.

Cory, I never thought I'd say this, but get the hell out of my bedroom.

Hi, Danielle.

Hi. Cory, it's nice to see you again.

How many people live here?

Oh, actually, that's my good news. Adam, remember that place that Laura and I

wanted but we were on a wait list for? Oh, my God, that? Yeah, that was

Yeah, isn't that awesome? It's so cute. Can you give me a finger and just help

Danielle with her bag? Yeah. Yeah. Where do you want me to put it? It just goes

outside. You're pushing it.

It's hilarious.

Tell me about that later.

That girl.

She's a stalker.

Hey, boss.

Adam, you getting in a fight or something?

Your face is all swollen.

Oh, no, no, no. I just had another root canal, so it's just... Didn't give you

medicine?

Yeah, but I don't need it. I'm good.

Lance Rockin' always said, take your drugs, because infections don't rock.

Hey, boss.

Guess who's dating a horror icon?

No. Me.

This guy right here.

You're not dating. She's flirting with you. There is a difference.

Oh, no, no, no. Not in my book.

Someone in the audience keeps their eyes on me for an entire song.

I consider that lucky individual to be Lance's next rockin' law job.

Balls.

Anyway, is some guy in the office here to see you?

To see us?

Yeah, I'll send him out.

Human grip.

We've been never down.

Good night.

I love my pants.

Whoa, that chick is crazy, kid.

No, that's just our boss.

Oh, I know exactly who that is. I've seen that sex in the cities when I was

detox. She's not aging real good, dude.

Can we help you?

Yeah, I'm Nicolo.

I sent you all the Twitter direct messages.

Listen, I know you guys probably get this every day, but I'm a big fan.

Of us?

Yeah. Carrie Bradshaw's out there. She used the guys that make them Crazy Max

commercials.

Yeah, that would be us.

Dude, those commercials are boss.

Me and my boys know, like, every word.

If yous can't get it, hey.

Yous can't get... If yous can't... Fuck.

Are you serious?

Anyways, I'm looking at getting a film biz, because I got all these wicked

ideas, kid.

And so I wanted to see if youse guys needed, like, an internist or something.

I'll do whatever youse need. Seriously, you ain't even got a payment.

Um, dude, look, all we do here is just... I don't know. I mean, we've got

list of applicants.

Oh, I'll do whatever.

Like, while you're shooting or editing, I can steal a spoiler for your car.

I'll always make sure your icebox is stocked with Strawberry Quick and

tickets galore.

Kid, you could bang my sister.

She's a little slow. Looked like she got hit with a sack of nickels, but

whatever you think, Nicola's got your back.

Look, all we do is make crappy cable commercials. We actually are going into

production on our next short film, and we could use an assistant.

Dude, wicked.

Now, there is no pay, but... Are you kidding me right now?

Getting to work with the masters, schooled by the champions, is priceless

enough.

Hmm. Sure could use a cup of Dunkin's right now.

I'm on it, kid. Like a broad from Revere.

Okay, I know that's that lady's office, but how do you get out of here?

Well, you sort of walk that way and people just accept that you've left.

Okay.

Dracar Noir, don't fail me now.

No, no, no, not tonight. You've got to go right now. Go. But I haven't seen you

all day.

We'll hang out tomorrow.

Come on, go.

But you promised that you would shave my back tonight.

No,

I didn't. You just made that up.

Yes.

But will you, though?

No, come on. I have somebody here tonight. You need to go now.

Really? Who's here?

Danielle Harris.

You know, Jamie Lloyd from Halloween 4 and 5?

Ooh, dude.

She's like 10.

She grew up, idiot.

Well, where is she now?

She's in the bathroom. Come on, go!

Wait a minute.

Could you get me a copy of Us Weekly and a box of Peanut Butter Captain Crunch?

Fine. Go!

Wait! What?

She's in the bathroom, right? Yes. Try not to imagine her pooping when you're

hitting it.

Just ruined it for you, didn't I? Come on!

I'm ready.

Are you in the bed?

Yeah, I'm in the bed.

In the bed I am.

Okay, Dr. Seuss.

Oh, my God.

Hi.

I've been dreaming about this ever since I saw Halloween 4.

I was 10.

Right, but I was 10.

when I thought we were both... It wasn't... There wasn't anything

about it. I think a lot of ten -year -olds find other ten -year -olds

sexy. Stop talking.

Okay.

I am going to destroy you, Andrew.

Adam. My name's Adam.

You can call me Andrew. You can call me Jamie Lloyd.

What? Do it!

Jamie. Jamie Lloyd. Jamie Lloyd. That's better.

Don't open your mouth, Andrew.

Like that?

Yeah, that's better.

I can't believe I'm kissing the girl from the Halloween movies.

Ow!

Teeth!

Hey, boo.

Who? Those happy pills that you gave me are all gone, and my poor little head's

still pounding. Do you think you can get me some more?

You took all of those pills? There were 15 in that bottle. I get really bad

migraines, okay?

Actually, my head's starting to hurt me right now.

It's hurting me really bad. I'm so sorry. It's just killing my mood.

I could get you more pill.

I could get another tooth pulled in the morning if you want.

I do that all the time. What is it? Tomorrow's like, what, Wednesday?

That's my boo.

Okay. That's my boo.

Do you like clowns? Huh? I love boobs.

God, I can't wait for you to meet my mom.

Stop.

What now?

Put this on.

On my face?

Do you want to have sex with me or not?

I do, but... Then put on the mask. Okay.

I can't really see anything.

That's so much better.

Oh, yeah, Uncle Mikey.

Oh, little Jamie's been a bad girl.

She's been such a bad, bad, naughty, naughty girl.

I can't breathe. I feel like a safe harbor.

Hey, Adam, I had another nightmare.

Oh, hell yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, God.

Oh, God, he's in the den!

He's in the den!

Oh, this reminds me of Monster Mania. Remember, it was you, me, Mick Garrett,

Keith Wallace, Danny Trejo, Bill Moseley, Sid Haig.

And that six foot eight Nigerian lady boy.

That was crazy.

Who's on the bottom? Berryman?

I don't think so. No, no, no, no. It was Angus Scrimm.

It's one.

Are we ready to order yet? I'm not just going to sit around and wait while he

please grab us some actress.

Toast. White.

Would you like any? I'm jealous with that.

Jelly? No one asked you.

I'll be right back.

Loved you in Freddy vs. Jason.

Oh, baby!

Oh, baby!

Oh, baby!

Oh, baby!

Never seen you like this, Tori.

Like what?

I've never been happier.

I'm thrilled. I'm thrilled for Adam that he found someone.

Yeah, good for him. Put the knife down, Kane.

You just used him really bothered by Danielle.

Come, Danielle.

Hey, guys.

Sorry we're late.

Danny had an interview with Fangoria Magazine, and I had to get another tooth

pulled. The writer from Fangoria was so stoked to hear that Kane landed another

role after the whole Freddie versus Jason thing.

Hey, boo.

Boo?

I'm going to go powder my nose. Will you order something for me?

Egg whites and spinach?

Yes. No toast.

Too many carbs.

No toast, of course.

How's your mouth, Adam?

You know how it is.

Teeth.

Are you taking anything for it?

No, I don't need anything. I didn't feel it.

You don't have to floss all your teeth. Just the ones you want to keep.

Good story.

I'll be right back to get your orders.

you're toast i didn't order toast yes you did no i didn't too many carbs

yes you did you did

Oh, I want to feel the pain, Cain. I want to feel that pain.

Now look to the left. Now look to the right. Now look down. Nice and nice. Now

show me anger.

Pretty versus Jason.

Yeah! There we go. Great.

And cut.

Corey, last looks on Ms. Harris.

Copy that.

So how long have you been doing makeup for?

I'm not actually a makeup artist. I'm a nurse.

You know, I have these awful migraines. Sorry.

Not a doctor.

Ow. Easy.

Ready for your close -up, Danny?

Hey.

Um, can I borrow $20?

My stupid ATM card still hasn't shown up. I only have $12. That'll do.

Thanks, boo.

Have you been giving her your pain meds?

No.

You're better than this. You deserve better than her.

She doesn't care about you. She just... cares about what she can take from you.

You're just like blind with jealousy. That girl is crazy about me. How can you

not see that?

Open your eyes.

You open your eyes.

That doesn't make any sense.

Maybe it doesn't have to.

Ow! Ow, ow, ow, ow!

Ow, ow! Cut!

Cut! No. Keep rolling.

is my eyeline for this scene.

Dude, that's the chick from all them Halloween movies.

Sorry, my assistant here has poor depth perception.

She can't hear me. She's all the way over there.

Man, I would so give that girl eat.

Anyway, I'll stop her right here, Nicola. Okay,

hang right there, Danielle. Just for a moment.

Adam, which way should she stand? Camera left, camera right?

Camera left, camera right.

Make a decision.

Which is it?

Actually, this isn't going to work.

Danielle, you're fired.

Excuse me?

What are you talking about, boo?

And don't call me boo.

That's what Corey used to call me. And if I can't be her boo...

then I don't want to be a boo.

I shouldn't have to give you what little money I have or give you my pain

medication to get you to hang out with me.

You're embarrassing yourself.

I actually think it's way more embarrassing getting fired off an unpaid

film. Don't you?

I'm getting fired again?

You... You all are a bunch of freaks!

I am doing this out of the kindness of my heart. And this is what you do to me?

You're going to regret this for the rest of your life.

No, we won't.

loser. Hey, stop that.

Someday you're going to find somebody perfect for you who's going to

just how amazing you are.

And whoever that is is going to be the luckiest girl in the

world.

Oh, hey.

Cheer up, buddy. Little Miss Halloween left her purse open and I got your pain

meds back.

Now you can finally take something to make your teeth feel better.

We... Hey, what are you doing? You need to take one.

No, I need to save them.

Metallica's touring again this summer.

Oh, yeah.

We don't need a reason, we got good...

Make it up!