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1
00:00:53,900 --> 00:00:57,403
Hey, Stifler, how come Steve
got all the talent in your family?
2
00:00:57,570 --> 00:01:01,073
- Bite me, Fuck Face.
- Come on, man, you're missing it.
3
00:01:01,282 --> 00:01:04,535
I've seen it a million times,
you fucking ass-booger.
4
00:01:04,660 --> 00:01:08,498
- Steve is like a filmmaking genius.
- A true American hero.
5
00:01:08,581 --> 00:01:10,124
The Tarantino of titties.
6
00:01:10,208 --> 00:01:12,585
Yeah, there's just no way
you could ever be this good.
7
00:01:12,668 --> 00:01:14,212
Hey, look, I'm going to prove to Steve...
8
00:01:14,295 --> 00:01:17,465
that I'm up to the standards
of the Stiffmeister Productions.
9
00:01:18,007 --> 00:01:20,218
After Steve sees my directing talent...
10
00:01:20,301 --> 00:01:23,721
- little bro's joining the family business.
- Is that what he said?
11
00:01:23,846 --> 00:01:27,975
- He finally called you back?
- No, but I left him another message.
12
00:01:29,644 --> 00:01:32,897
He'll get back to me.
It's only been three weeks.
13
00:01:34,148 --> 00:01:39,362
Gentle-fucks, a toast.
Tomorrow, we begin our reign as seniors.
14
00:02:41,299 --> 00:02:43,676
Okay, people, let's take a break.
15
00:02:44,051 --> 00:02:48,347
Remember, we play this at the end of
the ceremony after Pomp and Circumstance.
16
00:02:48,473 --> 00:02:50,683
I don't want anyone starting
the wrong song again.
17
00:02:50,808 --> 00:02:53,728
- Elyse, you need to relax, girl.
- I'm fine.
18
00:02:54,103 --> 00:02:57,023
I just... You know,
it's my first time up here, and...
19
00:02:57,106 --> 00:02:59,817
Yeah, but it's graduation.
It ain't the Boston Pops.
20
00:02:59,901 --> 00:03:03,070
This performance sets the tone
for our senior year. I mean...
21
00:03:03,196 --> 00:03:07,909
Look, you just remember
that everybody here is pulling for you.
22
00:03:11,954 --> 00:03:14,582
Dork. Dork. Dork. Goose.
23
00:03:15,541 --> 00:03:19,128
- I like them feisty.
- What're you doing here, Stifler?
24
00:03:19,253 --> 00:03:21,881
We just want to say sayonara,
and let you fuck-necks know...
25
00:03:21,964 --> 00:03:26,844
we plan on winning the state title, now that
the Stiffmeister's running the show.
26
00:03:26,969 --> 00:03:30,973
- Adios, butt-hugger.
- He's a bigger asshole than his brother.
27
00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:36,354
Holy shit, Arrianna.
28
00:03:37,271 --> 00:03:39,482
Matt, what're you doing here?
29
00:03:39,649 --> 00:03:43,861
Oh, we just want to make sure
the seniors have a very memorable last day.
30
00:03:43,986 --> 00:03:46,948
That's cool. So, there's a campout tonight...
31
00:03:47,031 --> 00:03:50,117
and it's only for the grads,
but you could come.
32
00:03:50,201 --> 00:03:52,870
Let me check my schedule. Hell, yeah.
33
00:03:54,163 --> 00:03:58,000
Bring your sleeping bag,
in case we decide to pitch a tent.
34
00:04:02,922 --> 00:04:06,843
- Check it out. Perfect timing.
- This is going to be classic.
35
00:04:07,426 --> 00:04:10,763
Time to initiate
Operation Gradu-fuck-uation.
36
00:04:13,516 --> 00:04:15,393
This is gonna be awesome.
37
00:04:15,518 --> 00:04:17,311
- Shit.
- Oh, yeah! Jackpot!
38
00:04:17,687 --> 00:04:21,524
Payback, seniors.
Don't get that pepper spray on your hands.
39
00:04:24,610 --> 00:04:27,530
A graduation gift from the Stiffmeister.
40
00:04:31,075 --> 00:04:33,619
Dude, we should've sprayed
the diplomas.
41
00:04:35,955 --> 00:04:37,498
Sorry, bandees.
42
00:04:42,670 --> 00:04:46,424
Bite my nuts and call me Skippy.
It's a Steely Dan.
43
00:04:46,674 --> 00:04:49,927
- A what?
- It's a double-headed dildo.
44
00:04:50,636 --> 00:04:52,096
It's a dildo. It's a dildo.
45
00:04:52,763 --> 00:04:54,974
- Holy shit.
- It's even got a name.
46
00:04:56,726 --> 00:04:57,727
Picardo?
47
00:04:58,144 --> 00:05:01,230
- Spray that shit.
- Fuck, no. Finders keepers.
48
00:05:01,522 --> 00:05:04,942
Okay, everybody, Pomp and
Circumstance. Five-minute warning. Let's go.
49
00:05:05,026 --> 00:05:07,320
The bandees. Let's get out of here.
50
00:05:11,491 --> 00:05:13,534
- Matt?
- Leesy.
51
00:05:15,077 --> 00:05:18,039
How they hanging?
Still small and perky, I see.
52
00:05:18,122 --> 00:05:20,500
- That's funny.
- Yeah.
53
00:05:21,584 --> 00:05:25,588
- What're you doing here, Matt?
- I just came by to wish you good luck.
54
00:05:25,671 --> 00:05:28,216
- You know, on the whole music thing.
- Good luck?
55
00:05:28,299 --> 00:05:31,052
You haven't said a word to me
since the eighth grade.
56
00:05:31,177 --> 00:05:34,180
Yeah, and that tone of voice
is exactly the reason why.
57
00:05:34,305 --> 00:05:36,682
So, I'm going to take off now.
58
00:05:40,603 --> 00:05:44,899
Ladies and gentlemen,
please rise to honor our graduates.
59
00:05:45,024 --> 00:05:46,651
Douchebag's gonna miss it.
60
00:05:59,455 --> 00:06:00,790
Oh, yes.
61
00:06:04,126 --> 00:06:05,753
Are they crying?
62
00:06:08,506 --> 00:06:09,924
Holy shit!
63
00:06:16,681 --> 00:06:17,849
Yes!
64
00:06:39,370 --> 00:06:41,080
Eat shit, seniors.
65
00:07:01,267 --> 00:07:02,268
Uh oh!
66
00:07:02,643 --> 00:07:04,937
Stifler!
67
00:07:07,607 --> 00:07:11,277
I've been waiting for this moment
for a very long time.
68
00:07:12,528 --> 00:07:15,323
And now, the day of reckoning has come.
69
00:07:18,576 --> 00:07:20,119
Hello, Matthew.
70
00:07:20,661 --> 00:07:23,039
Your brother must be very proud.
71
00:07:25,708 --> 00:07:27,919
You've continued his legacy.
72
00:07:28,961 --> 00:07:31,088
Tormenting the innocent...
73
00:07:31,756 --> 00:07:34,842
defiling all that is good and pure.
74
00:07:38,262 --> 00:07:40,973
But now, you're going down.
75
00:07:42,058 --> 00:07:45,228
What're you going to do,
expel me, Shermanator?
76
00:07:46,646 --> 00:07:49,607
I am a sophisticated counseling machine...
77
00:07:49,690 --> 00:07:53,444
sent back in time
to guide young and innocent minds.
78
00:07:53,820 --> 00:07:58,783
My primary directive is to protect
the students of this institution...
79
00:07:59,700 --> 00:08:02,537
and all, indeed all mankind...
80
00:08:03,329 --> 00:08:06,249
from the menace that is another Stifler.
81
00:08:06,457 --> 00:08:09,001
Behavior modification is required.
82
00:08:09,377 --> 00:08:12,213
It's not too late to change your future.
83
00:08:14,966 --> 00:08:18,886
No, expulsion would be too easy.
84
00:08:22,140 --> 00:08:25,393
I know the perfect punishment
to fit your crime.
85
00:08:27,895 --> 00:08:30,982
Since you have so much trouble
with the band...
86
00:08:31,190 --> 00:08:33,901
perhaps you should make friends with them.
87
00:08:33,985 --> 00:08:35,611
No fucking way.
88
00:08:37,488 --> 00:08:42,118
Either you learn to be more considerate
or you will be expelled.
89
00:08:42,952 --> 00:08:44,412
No football.
90
00:08:45,413 --> 00:08:46,581
No parties.
91
00:08:46,706 --> 00:08:48,499
No spring break.
92
00:08:49,292 --> 00:08:51,836
No graduation.
93
00:08:52,211 --> 00:08:53,838
No college.
94
00:08:53,921 --> 00:08:55,631
No coeds.
95
00:08:56,507 --> 00:08:57,925
Comprende?
96
00:09:02,638 --> 00:09:04,682
Pack your bags, Stifler.
97
00:09:05,224 --> 00:09:08,019
- You're going to Band Camp.
- Band Camp!
98
00:09:14,734 --> 00:09:17,028
Bullshit, trash.
99
00:09:21,741 --> 00:09:23,201
All right, Steve! Valley Girls Gone Wild.
100
00:09:24,952 --> 00:09:26,037
Fuck.
101
00:09:44,764 --> 00:09:46,015
Told you Steve'd get back to me.
102
00:09:46,140 --> 00:09:47,517
I mean, it was just a postcard...
103
00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:49,811
but it gave me a great idea.
104
00:09:49,894 --> 00:09:50,978
Look...
105
00:09:51,103 --> 00:09:53,231
Steve's shit-head friend, Jim...
106
00:09:53,314 --> 00:09:55,775
he married
this freaking nympho band-geek, Michelle.
107
00:09:55,858 --> 00:09:58,778
And he said
all they do at Band Camp is screw 24/7.
108
00:09:58,861 --> 00:10:02,990
Matt, buddy, you cannot screw band chicks.
There are standards.
109
00:10:04,367 --> 00:10:07,787
I'm not talking about screwing them,
scrotum-breath.
110
00:10:07,912 --> 00:10:10,456
I'm talking about videotaping them.
111
00:10:10,540 --> 00:10:14,043
People love to see dorks doing
that freaky shit on hidden video.
112
00:10:14,168 --> 00:10:18,005
Bandeez Gone Wild.
Steve's gonna have some competition now...
113
00:10:18,172 --> 00:10:20,716
because little bro's
joining the family business.
114
00:10:26,013 --> 00:10:27,640
Yeah, Spy Chest.
115
00:10:28,349 --> 00:10:29,851
Secret Video.
116
00:10:31,686 --> 00:10:32,687
Hell, yeah.
117
00:10:36,399 --> 00:10:37,733
Color night vision? I'll take it. Shit.
118
00:10:45,992 --> 00:10:47,702
How about tomorrow?
This is going be great.
119
00:11:29,785 --> 00:11:32,747
Welcome to Tall Oaks 2005.
120
00:11:33,956 --> 00:11:36,751
Let's hear it from Lloyd Memorial High.
121
00:11:36,834 --> 00:11:39,212
L- L-O-Y-D!
122
00:11:40,004 --> 00:11:41,547
L- L-O-Y-D!
123
00:11:42,798 --> 00:11:44,509
- Mount St. Marie.
- Mount St. Marie!
124
00:11:44,717 --> 00:11:46,093
Mount St. Marie!
125
00:11:46,177 --> 00:11:47,803
East Great Falls High.
126
00:11:48,429 --> 00:11:49,889
East Great Falls!
127
00:11:50,431 --> 00:11:51,933
East Great Falls!
128
00:11:52,809 --> 00:11:56,062
And five-time defending
Tall Oaks Cup Champion...
129
00:11:56,395 --> 00:11:58,189
Beechwood Academy.
130
00:11:58,272 --> 00:12:01,025
We're Number One! We're Number One!
We're Number One!
131
00:12:01,108 --> 00:12:02,276
Okay, settle down.
132
00:12:03,194 --> 00:12:05,488
Now, as you know, each year...
133
00:12:05,571 --> 00:12:08,574
one senior Tall Oaks composer is awarded...
134
00:12:08,699 --> 00:12:13,162
a full scholarship
to the prestigious Robards Conservatory.
135
00:12:13,287 --> 00:12:15,414
Elyse, this is your year to win.
136
00:12:15,540 --> 00:12:18,709
This year, Dr. Susan Choi,
president of Robards...
137
00:12:18,835 --> 00:12:21,754
will judge the compositions herself.
138
00:12:21,838 --> 00:12:26,300
And let's not forget to welcome
the Tall Oaks Camp Counselors.
139
00:12:33,641 --> 00:12:37,895
If you visit our infirmary, Nurse Sanders
will take care of your every need.
140
00:12:40,565 --> 00:12:45,111
Okay, so let's work hard,
and may the best band win.
141
00:12:53,119 --> 00:12:54,203
You guys ready?
142
00:13:12,972 --> 00:13:14,515
What the fuck?
143
00:13:14,849 --> 00:13:17,310
Are you a rookie? You look lost.
144
00:13:17,685 --> 00:13:21,439
Are you an asshole?
You're hairy, and you smell like shit.
145
00:13:23,107 --> 00:13:26,194
I'll ignore that kind of talk once.
146
00:13:27,361 --> 00:13:29,489
We don't speak that way here.
147
00:13:29,614 --> 00:13:34,076
Rookies are to wear their beanies
at all times. Those are the rules.
148
00:13:34,160 --> 00:13:36,954
And who made you
the mayor of Geek Town?
149
00:13:37,788 --> 00:13:41,918
I'm Brandon Vandecamp,
senior drum major, Beechwood Academy...
150
00:13:42,001 --> 00:13:43,711
and the president of the Tall Oaks Council.
151
00:13:43,836 --> 00:13:47,840
Oh, and who are they, Mr. President?
The First Lady and Vice Pussy?
152
00:13:53,971 --> 00:13:55,348
Suits you well.
153
00:13:55,473 --> 00:14:00,186
Golly, jeepers, thanks. Hey, you know,
since I'm an official band geek and all...
154
00:14:00,311 --> 00:14:02,522
can you guess
what my favorite piece of music is?
155
00:14:02,647 --> 00:14:05,107
- I have no idea.
- The Nutcracker.
156
00:14:07,527 --> 00:14:08,611
Step back, bitch.
157
00:14:08,694 --> 00:14:11,072
Holy mother of Mozart.
158
00:14:12,990 --> 00:14:14,075
This is bad.
159
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,869
You didn't know Jackie Chan
was in the house, did you boys, huh?
160
00:14:16,953 --> 00:14:18,913
Stop that. Stop that now.
161
00:14:19,038 --> 00:14:21,332
Those knob-slobbers started it.
162
00:14:21,457 --> 00:14:24,085
That's not true, sir.
We simply reminded him to wear his beanie.
163
00:14:24,168 --> 00:14:26,546
And then he viciously assaulted
Brandon's genitals.
164
00:14:26,629 --> 00:14:31,092
- That's a lie, you dick-snot.
- Oscar, Jimmy, escort this man to see...
165
00:14:31,342 --> 00:14:33,636
- the Macro.
- The what?
166
00:14:34,136 --> 00:14:36,347
- You're dead.
- Now, gentlemen.
167
00:14:37,223 --> 00:14:39,350
God, Brandon, are you okay?
168
00:14:40,434 --> 00:14:42,979
You want to tell me
what the hell you're doing here, Stifler?
169
00:14:43,062 --> 00:14:45,606
It don't matter, Big O.
He ain't gonna be here long.
170
00:14:45,690 --> 00:14:46,774
- Bitch!
- Get over here.
171
00:14:46,899 --> 00:14:49,110
Macro gonna fuck your ass up, fool.
172
00:14:49,193 --> 00:14:51,737
- What the fuck's a macro?
- The Macro.
173
00:14:51,863 --> 00:14:54,073
Morale And Conflict Resolution Officer.
174
00:14:54,157 --> 00:14:56,534
I heard this one time,
this kid went into that office...
175
00:14:56,617 --> 00:14:58,327
a baritone and came out a soprano.
176
00:14:58,452 --> 00:15:01,372
- Clarinet up the ass backwards, yo.
- What?
177
00:15:08,963 --> 00:15:10,298
Pussies.
178
00:15:24,187 --> 00:15:25,563
Oh, I'm sorry.
179
00:15:27,732 --> 00:15:29,859
Frankenstein. Scary stuff.
180
00:15:31,152 --> 00:15:33,529
I am just a Boris Karloff nut.
181
00:15:33,863 --> 00:15:37,909
- I'm the Macro, Mr. Levenstein.
- Holy shit, you're Jim's dad.
182
00:15:38,534 --> 00:15:41,496
He screwed that redheaded nympho chick
at my lake house.
183
00:15:41,579 --> 00:15:45,249
- Oh, my, you're not a Stifler?
- Yeah, I'm Steve's brother, Matt.
184
00:15:46,709 --> 00:15:50,296
- There are two Stiflers?
- Yes, sir. Hey, what're you doing here?
185
00:15:50,421 --> 00:15:54,425
Oh, well, Jim is now out of the house,
married to Michelle...
186
00:15:54,509 --> 00:15:57,678
that redheaded nympho chick
that you spoke of.
187
00:15:58,930 --> 00:16:01,849
And, being a former
Tall Oaks Counselor of the Year...
188
00:16:01,974 --> 00:16:07,104
she was hired to be the Macro this summer,
but she got pregnant.
189
00:16:07,438 --> 00:16:10,858
No doubt due to the tendencies
you alluded to earlier.
190
00:16:10,983 --> 00:16:13,986
And I have a great rapport with
young people...
191
00:16:14,111 --> 00:16:16,489
so I just stepped in and volunteered.
192
00:16:16,614 --> 00:16:20,117
That cretin is not in our band,
and we are not responsible for his actions.
193
00:16:20,243 --> 00:16:22,995
- Who pissed in your piccolo?
- I'm sensing some hostility here.
194
00:16:23,079 --> 00:16:24,413
- He poisoned my band.
- What?
195
00:16:24,497 --> 00:16:27,500
- I'm the Macro and it's my job to deal with...
- What is he doing here?
196
00:16:27,583 --> 00:16:31,003
- Matt Stifler is pure evil just like his brother.
... conflict.
197
00:16:31,087 --> 00:16:32,547
Thanks, Leesy.
198
00:16:37,385 --> 00:16:38,970
She seems nice.
199
00:16:39,929 --> 00:16:41,389
There are rules, of course.
200
00:16:41,472 --> 00:16:43,182
- You will have to wear a beanie.
- Yeah.
201
00:16:43,266 --> 00:16:46,686
Oh, I know. It's a little silly,
but it's tradition here...
202
00:16:46,769 --> 00:16:50,356
something you're familiar with,
being on the football team, I'm sure...
203
00:16:50,481 --> 00:16:53,985
with your elephant walks and circle jerks
and drinking butt beer.
204
00:16:54,110 --> 00:16:56,404
But here, you just have to wear
a silly little hat and...
205
00:16:56,529 --> 00:16:59,073
- a somewhat stylish Tall Oaks T-shirt.
- Yeah.
206
00:16:59,699 --> 00:17:01,742
So, just go with the flow, Matt...
207
00:17:01,826 --> 00:17:04,203
and you will have loads of fun...
208
00:17:04,620 --> 00:17:07,623
and you'll be making new friends in no time.
209
00:17:14,672 --> 00:17:17,508
Hey, Ernie Kaplowitz, tenor sax.
210
00:17:18,843 --> 00:17:21,470
Cool! I'm a rookie here, too.
211
00:17:21,721 --> 00:17:25,641
I really wanted to come last year,
but Computer Camp conflicted, and...
212
00:17:25,808 --> 00:17:29,937
Oh, yeah, that was here when I arrived.
I think it has your name on it.
213
00:17:32,064 --> 00:17:33,441
What is it?
214
00:17:35,234 --> 00:17:38,905
Hi, welcome to Casa de Stifler.
I'll be your host, Matt.
215
00:17:39,071 --> 00:17:42,575
Every day here, I'll make it my sincere goal
not to have to kick your ass.
216
00:17:42,700 --> 00:17:45,536
Allow me to show you
to your new accommodations.
217
00:17:46,579 --> 00:17:49,207
When I'm out here, you're in there.
218
00:17:50,416 --> 00:17:52,460
Have a great day, fucko.
219
00:17:52,752 --> 00:17:53,920
I don't...
220
00:17:57,381 --> 00:17:58,549
Okay...
221
00:17:58,633 --> 00:18:00,259
I'll just go and put this stuff away for you.
222
00:18:00,384 --> 00:18:01,636
All right. Bandee-vision.
223
00:18:04,430 --> 00:18:08,643
This is a 1978 Ohio State show...
224
00:18:08,768 --> 00:18:10,144
The Wizard Of Oz.
225
00:18:10,228 --> 00:18:13,981
The one where the sousaphone player
forgot to dot the I? Oh, hey.
226
00:18:15,983 --> 00:18:18,694
Yeah, right. Freaks.
227
00:18:20,696 --> 00:18:23,157
Never fear, the Stiffmeister's here.
228
00:18:23,241 --> 00:18:26,410
Band Camp just got
a whole lot better, ladies.
229
00:18:26,536 --> 00:18:29,080
You're Steve Stifler's younger brother,
aren't you?
230
00:18:29,205 --> 00:18:30,998
- Young and hung.
- Great.
231
00:18:31,165 --> 00:18:34,502
- Could you send him a message for me?
- No problem, senorita.
232
00:18:41,676 --> 00:18:46,055
Well, it looks like Steve gave someone
the old Stifler bang-and-boot.
233
00:18:47,181 --> 00:18:50,434
- Is there a problem here?
- No, everything's fine.
234
00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:55,773
- Have fun at Band Camp.
- Thank you, I will.
235
00:18:59,777 --> 00:19:02,071
- Later.
- Word.
236
00:19:02,613 --> 00:19:05,366
You need to start showing some respect
around here, Stifler.
237
00:19:05,491 --> 00:19:08,911
You need to show yourself
back to your table, Big Dog.
238
00:19:08,995 --> 00:19:10,788
Out of my way, Yo.
239
00:19:12,206 --> 00:19:16,252
Hola, chicas.
Elyse, so good to see you again.
240
00:19:16,586 --> 00:19:19,672
So, what's going on tonight?
We gonna party, get a little crazy?
241
00:19:19,797 --> 00:19:22,341
Who wants to rack up
a few frequent fucker miles?
242
00:19:22,466 --> 00:19:25,553
- You know, you are the most...
- Most sexy man ever to come to Band Camp.
243
00:19:25,636 --> 00:19:29,682
- What? Chloe, he is so obnoxious.
- Sexy obnoxious.
244
00:19:29,765 --> 00:19:32,852
- Thank you.
- I'm tired of messing around with these...
245
00:19:32,935 --> 00:19:34,812
dorky-ass nice guys...
246
00:19:34,979 --> 00:19:37,190
and sensitive-artist types.
247
00:19:37,607 --> 00:19:42,153
- Let's party with a real hombre tonight.
- Hell, yeah. That's me:
248
00:19:42,695 --> 00:19:46,699
- 100% hombre.
- All right, my room, 8:00.
249
00:19:47,867 --> 00:19:51,537
Great first day, campers.
This is your Macro speaking...
250
00:19:51,621 --> 00:19:55,124
and, hey, morale
couldn't have been higher today.
251
00:19:55,249 --> 00:19:58,002
So hop in the sack,
and get a good night's sleep because...
252
00:19:59,420 --> 00:20:02,340
starting tomorrow, we have
many, many exciting activities planned...
253
00:20:02,423 --> 00:20:06,177
not the least of which is
the race for the Tall Oaks Cup.
254
00:20:06,344 --> 00:20:08,387
So let the games begin.
255
00:20:08,679 --> 00:20:12,600
Bandeez Gone Wild.
Scene One. Party hombre.
256
00:20:17,522 --> 00:20:21,818
It's called Strip Trivia. We made it up.
It's a Band Camp tradition.
257
00:20:22,193 --> 00:20:26,489
"Fourth and Long," "Sextuplets,"
"Banging Babes," and "Who Blew Me?"
258
00:20:26,614 --> 00:20:29,784
This looks like my kind of game.
Shall we play?
259
00:20:30,785 --> 00:20:33,788
You sit in the middle.
Your game, my seating chart.
260
00:20:33,913 --> 00:20:35,456
Sit a little closer, ladies.
261
00:20:35,540 --> 00:20:37,834
Don't be scared. It's all right.
262
00:20:37,959 --> 00:20:39,126
Okay...
263
00:20:39,418 --> 00:20:42,421
the rules are simple.
You choose a category and a question...
264
00:20:42,505 --> 00:20:44,966
and every time you miss, you strip.
265
00:20:45,049 --> 00:20:46,133
Hell, yeah.
266
00:20:46,217 --> 00:20:49,887
- I'll go first. "Who Blew Me?"
- Good.
267
00:20:53,182 --> 00:20:57,645
I am a silver Stradivarius trumpet
played by a Pulitzer Prize winner.
268
00:20:58,688 --> 00:21:00,022
Who blew me?
269
00:21:00,189 --> 00:21:02,650
- Yeah, like I'd know.
- Sorry.
270
00:21:02,900 --> 00:21:04,360
Lose the shoes, and pick again.
271
00:21:04,443 --> 00:21:06,404
You didn't tell me this shit was about music.
272
00:21:06,487 --> 00:21:10,074
- Well, it is Band Camp, moron.
- Hey, to be fair...
273
00:21:10,408 --> 00:21:13,411
maybe we should just give him a head start.
274
00:21:16,998 --> 00:21:18,708
All right. Yeah.
275
00:21:19,917 --> 00:21:21,627
Okay, all right. All right.
276
00:21:23,254 --> 00:21:26,174
What's wrong with you?
Scared to show off the mosquito bites?
277
00:21:26,257 --> 00:21:29,010
I've matured since the fourth grade, Matt.
Have you?
278
00:21:29,093 --> 00:21:32,096
Oh, I've got 10 pounds of dangling maturity
right here, Leesy.
279
00:21:32,221 --> 00:21:35,183
- Quit calling me that.
- Okay, okay, moving on.
280
00:21:35,892 --> 00:21:40,104
- Matt, just pick another question, please.
- All right, screw it. Whatever.
281
00:21:40,771 --> 00:21:42,982
There you go. Suck on that.
282
00:21:44,567 --> 00:21:47,278
- Fourth and Long.
- Sure, no problem.
283
00:21:50,573 --> 00:21:55,036
Of Beethoven's major symphonies,
which has the longest fourth movement?
284
00:21:55,995 --> 00:21:57,872
All right, I see where this is going.
285
00:21:57,955 --> 00:22:00,666
Fine, you win.
286
00:22:05,129 --> 00:22:06,380
I free ball, ladies.
287
00:22:07,048 --> 00:22:11,260
Got to let the big boys breathe.
All right, we play by my rules now.
288
00:22:11,719 --> 00:22:14,639
Football questions only.
Prepare to strip, ladies.
289
00:22:15,389 --> 00:22:18,976
- Wait. But first, does anybody want a beer?
- I do.
290
00:22:19,477 --> 00:22:24,440
The counselors have a secret stash
in the fridge across the hall.
291
00:22:24,607 --> 00:22:28,444
- Would you mind?
- Now we're talking about a fucking party.
292
00:22:28,569 --> 00:22:30,363
Stiffy'll be back in a jiffy.
293
00:22:32,657 --> 00:22:35,201
I mean, there's nobody around...
294
00:22:35,326 --> 00:22:37,703
and we haven't seen your best side yet.
295
00:22:44,377 --> 00:22:46,587
Yes! We got him.
296
00:22:48,673 --> 00:22:50,466
So busted.
297
00:22:58,266 --> 00:23:00,810
Man, big boys, wake up.
298
00:23:00,893 --> 00:23:03,354
Just gotta turn down the A.C. In there, huh?
299
00:23:03,479 --> 00:23:04,647
Good night, girls.
300
00:23:12,029 --> 00:23:14,657
Sorry, asshole, game's over.
301
00:23:14,866 --> 00:23:19,245
Yeah, the big boys
will love the long walk home.
302
00:23:20,163 --> 00:23:21,956
Room check, girls.
303
00:23:23,416 --> 00:23:24,500
Oh, shit.
304
00:23:24,876 --> 00:23:27,086
- Ditch his clothes.
- Out the window.
305
00:23:27,879 --> 00:23:30,339
All right, who wants a long neck?
306
00:23:37,221 --> 00:23:38,931
Nurse Sanders.
307
00:23:41,767 --> 00:23:44,228
- They set me up.
- He attacked us with pepper spray...
308
00:23:44,353 --> 00:23:47,064
- and ruined our graduation.
- I went there for a friendly game...
309
00:23:47,148 --> 00:23:48,232
Hold it. Hold it. Kids.
310
00:23:48,316 --> 00:23:50,359
Okay...
311
00:23:50,610 --> 00:23:52,320
where are your clothes?
312
00:23:55,031 --> 00:23:56,491
I have them.
313
00:23:57,116 --> 00:23:59,076
- May I ask why?
- Well, they got me naked...
314
00:23:59,202 --> 00:24:02,455
- Oh, whatever. He took his own pants off...
- And they stole my clothes.
315
00:24:02,538 --> 00:24:05,291
And I got stuck up there
with Mrs. Doubtfire checking out my...
316
00:24:11,464 --> 00:24:13,424
Let me see if I have this straight.
317
00:24:13,591 --> 00:24:18,221
Elyse, you think Matt is an arrogant jock
who wears his penis on his forehead...
318
00:24:18,346 --> 00:24:21,766
just to gain the approval of
his sociopathic brother.
319
00:24:21,849 --> 00:24:25,770
And Matt, you think Elyse
is an uptight, geeky prude...
320
00:24:25,853 --> 00:24:28,606
who needs to loosen up and get laid.
321
00:24:28,689 --> 00:24:31,859
Excuse the expression, dear.
Is that close to being on the money?
322
00:24:33,653 --> 00:24:34,821
Look, kids...
323
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:38,825
the only way to solve your differences...
324
00:24:39,534 --> 00:24:41,160
is by working together.
325
00:24:42,370 --> 00:24:44,163
So why don't you start tomorrow...
326
00:24:44,580 --> 00:24:47,667
by putting one foot in front of the other?
327
00:24:51,337 --> 00:24:53,130
Left flank hut.
328
00:24:55,591 --> 00:24:57,051
Turn and hut.
329
00:25:04,767 --> 00:25:06,018
What the fuck!
330
00:25:07,562 --> 00:25:09,355
Band 10 hut!
331
00:25:09,647 --> 00:25:10,648
Holy shit.
332
00:25:11,232 --> 00:25:14,735
When I yell "band 10 hut,"
you snap firmly at attention.
333
00:25:14,861 --> 00:25:18,531
- You want to see me firmly at attention?
- I already have. I wasn't impressed.
334
00:25:21,492 --> 00:25:22,660
Look...
335
00:25:23,578 --> 00:25:25,538
we've never beaten Beechwood, okay?
336
00:25:26,455 --> 00:25:28,332
For some of us, it's our last shot.
337
00:25:31,169 --> 00:25:32,753
Just stop screwing up, okay?
338
00:25:32,837 --> 00:25:34,255
Yeah, asshole.
339
00:25:36,841 --> 00:25:39,051
Okay, people, back to work, let's go.
Whatever.
340
00:25:39,177 --> 00:25:40,553
I don't need this shit.
341
00:25:40,636 --> 00:25:43,097
Reset the block. Front ranks, right here.
342
00:25:57,069 --> 00:25:58,404
Housekeeping.
343
00:26:25,848 --> 00:26:28,226
Oscar, brought me something to drink?
344
00:26:28,559 --> 00:26:31,562
- Come on.
- Good looking out, baby.
345
00:26:34,148 --> 00:26:35,858
Hey, it's Ernie Crapowitz.
346
00:26:35,983 --> 00:26:39,070
So you finally came out of the closet.
Good for you.
347
00:26:40,488 --> 00:26:43,032
Look, I want to know
what goes on at night, all right?
348
00:26:43,115 --> 00:26:45,743
All the crazy shit.
Naked pillow fights, whatever.
349
00:26:45,827 --> 00:26:49,330
Do I look like the guy that's in charge of
the naked pillow fights, huh?
350
00:26:49,413 --> 00:26:50,957
It's my first time here.
351
00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:52,208
Notice the beanie?
352
00:26:52,333 --> 00:26:53,417
Yes.
353
00:26:54,418 --> 00:26:55,878
Yes, I do.
354
00:26:55,962 --> 00:26:59,298
Yes, speaking of beanies,
where's yours, Stifler?
355
00:26:59,674 --> 00:27:01,634
You still not following the rules, huh?
356
00:27:01,717 --> 00:27:03,594
- Let's see.
- Look. He's getting in trouble again.
357
00:27:03,719 --> 00:27:07,140
No standard-issue Tall Oaks T-shirt
and no beanie.
358
00:27:07,223 --> 00:27:10,560
I believe that's two points from Great Falls,
Mr. Nelson.
359
00:27:10,810 --> 00:27:12,687
Tell you what, Vande-cramp...
360
00:27:13,020 --> 00:27:15,773
what if I took his beanie...
361
00:27:15,898 --> 00:27:18,651
and put it on my weenie?
362
00:27:18,734 --> 00:27:22,780
How do you like that Vande-cramp?
It's on my head, right?
363
00:27:22,989 --> 00:27:25,199
Make it five points from Great Falls.
364
00:27:25,408 --> 00:27:26,659
Five points.
365
00:27:26,784 --> 00:27:29,954
Man, this place sucks donkey ass.
366
00:27:35,042 --> 00:27:36,752
Put your beanie on, Son.
367
00:27:42,633 --> 00:27:44,594
Five points.
368
00:28:07,950 --> 00:28:10,244
Stay still. Stop moving.
369
00:28:10,328 --> 00:28:12,038
He ain't going nowhere now.
370
00:28:12,163 --> 00:28:15,500
This isn't your world. This is our
world, and we don't want you in it.
371
00:28:15,583 --> 00:28:17,793
You already cost us
five points in the standings.
372
00:28:17,919 --> 00:28:19,712
We can't have that.
373
00:28:19,962 --> 00:28:21,672
Set the man up with his beanie.
374
00:28:29,430 --> 00:28:31,307
Now you're representing, fool.
375
00:28:31,432 --> 00:28:32,683
And this toothpaste...
376
00:28:32,809 --> 00:28:35,520
this will make up
for the pepper spray, asshole.
377
00:28:49,408 --> 00:28:50,952
Oh, shit.
378
00:28:51,661 --> 00:28:54,038
I'll get the paint thinner
from maintenance.
379
00:28:55,665 --> 00:28:57,041
Animals.
380
00:29:07,510 --> 00:29:11,639
Matt, you were sent here...
381
00:29:12,056 --> 00:29:13,516
to make a change.
382
00:29:13,683 --> 00:29:17,436
And, so far, you've only had
your sinuses sanitized. So...
383
00:29:17,812 --> 00:29:20,189
I think it's time to try a new approach.
384
00:29:20,690 --> 00:29:22,483
Make some friends.
385
00:29:24,235 --> 00:29:26,028
Earn their trust.
386
00:29:28,322 --> 00:29:30,616
Why would I want to earn their trust?
387
00:29:33,870 --> 00:29:35,413
Good.
388
00:29:42,587 --> 00:29:44,630
Welcome to Stifler-vision.
389
00:29:44,755 --> 00:29:47,216
I think there's
a cymbal class at 1:00.
390
00:29:47,425 --> 00:29:48,593
I hate that.
391
00:29:48,718 --> 00:29:50,928
Yeah, but it's better than
the bass drum relay.
392
00:29:51,012 --> 00:29:52,263
Yeah, that's true.
393
00:30:02,857 --> 00:30:05,067
Yours look totally fantastic.
394
00:30:05,151 --> 00:30:08,404
Two for the price of one.
My left one's bigger, see?
395
00:30:08,488 --> 00:30:11,407
- Yeah, mine, too, baby.
- They can totally fix that.
396
00:30:27,423 --> 00:30:29,133
- No!
- Want to see?
397
00:30:29,258 --> 00:30:31,802
- I used to be...
- Lens fog. No!
398
00:30:43,147 --> 00:30:46,984
- What is that thing, butt weasel?
- Yeah, it's the KR3, baby.
399
00:30:47,109 --> 00:30:50,780
The Kaplowitz Remote Robotic Rover.
And you are so busted.
400
00:30:50,863 --> 00:30:54,450
- Hey, Oscar, somebody call the Macro.
- Dude, please, shut up.
401
00:30:54,534 --> 00:30:58,287
Pull your panties out of your ass.
I can help you with that chick.
402
00:31:02,083 --> 00:31:03,167
What chick?
403
00:31:03,251 --> 00:31:05,711
Dude, the one with all the tattoos.
The Tubanator.
404
00:31:05,837 --> 00:31:07,296
Her name is Chloe.
405
00:31:07,922 --> 00:31:11,259
Come on, man. I can help.
I'm the Stiffmeister.
406
00:31:11,384 --> 00:31:14,178
- Master of love and romance.
- Bullshit.
407
00:31:14,345 --> 00:31:18,808
I nailed three cheerleaders in one week
on spring break. College cheerleaders.
408
00:31:29,318 --> 00:31:31,779
And I know why your camera spritzed out.
409
00:31:34,532 --> 00:31:36,492
Dude, this thing is awesome.
410
00:31:37,076 --> 00:31:40,163
- You ever use this to look up chicks' skirts?
- No.
411
00:31:40,246 --> 00:31:42,623
But I did use it to win
the State Science Fair last year.
412
00:31:42,707 --> 00:31:45,001
And I'm hoping it gets me into MIT next fall.
413
00:31:45,084 --> 00:31:47,128
I really want to work for NASA.
414
00:31:47,336 --> 00:31:49,797
National Anal Sex Association?
415
00:31:50,047 --> 00:31:51,757
No it's Space...
416
00:31:52,592 --> 00:31:57,221
- There's an Anal Sex Association?
- Oh, yeah, but you've got to be a pro.
417
00:31:58,848 --> 00:32:00,975
Wait, there's a Space Association?
418
00:32:02,560 --> 00:32:04,520
You were supposed to use this.
419
00:32:05,813 --> 00:32:10,026
- See, it's got an anti-fog lens. Duh.
- Yeah, good.
420
00:32:11,110 --> 00:32:15,990
- Can the robot record?
- All right, so, what are your intentions?
421
00:32:17,450 --> 00:32:19,911
With the video, I mean. What are you doing?
422
00:32:20,036 --> 00:32:21,579
Oh, it's just for fun.
423
00:32:21,871 --> 00:32:25,291
I mean, who doesn't like to look
at hot naked chicks, right?
424
00:32:26,792 --> 00:32:29,337
Keep it between us, and I'll let you watch.
425
00:32:29,670 --> 00:32:33,257
Plus, I'll have you giving Chloe
the pelvic noogie inside a week.
426
00:32:34,550 --> 00:32:36,511
Hey, Stifler. Phone.
427
00:32:36,719 --> 00:32:38,513
We're in Detroit!
428
00:32:39,180 --> 00:32:41,891
Locked into sweet Brazilian rum.
429
00:32:41,974 --> 00:32:44,727
I'm fucking fubar, man!
430
00:32:44,811 --> 00:32:49,106
I sent you rum today.
Could come in handy in Dorksville.
431
00:32:49,232 --> 00:32:50,858
This place blows.
432
00:32:52,109 --> 00:32:53,820
Hey, my roommate, Dr. Robot...
433
00:32:53,903 --> 00:32:56,030
busted me taping some college chicks
in the shower.
434
00:32:56,155 --> 00:32:58,282
So now I have to be all nice to him and shit.
435
00:32:58,366 --> 00:33:01,702
And I'm not getting any good footage
'cause these fucking bandees hate me.
436
00:33:03,454 --> 00:33:05,665
Think of it
like trying to hook up with a virgin.
437
00:33:05,748 --> 00:33:09,335
Act like you give a shit about them
until they bring you into the good stuff.
438
00:33:09,418 --> 00:33:11,295
Earn their trust?
439
00:33:11,921 --> 00:33:13,881
Dude, that could work.
440
00:33:14,006 --> 00:33:16,551
I'll be an undercover bandee fucker.
441
00:33:17,468 --> 00:33:20,972
Hello, everyone.
Isn't it a peachy day here at Band Camp?
442
00:33:21,180 --> 00:33:25,017
Band buds. How's it going? Yo.
443
00:33:25,810 --> 00:33:29,730
Hey, I just want to say thanks
for the little wakeup call. You kidders.
444
00:33:30,898 --> 00:33:33,985
Hey, I can finally hear
the music calling me, okay?
445
00:33:35,236 --> 00:33:38,072
There. Hear it? Yeah. Me, too.
446
00:33:38,322 --> 00:33:42,952
So I'm a totally new man, and... By the way,
you both look great in pantyhose.
447
00:33:53,379 --> 00:33:56,632
- What are you doing?
- Awaiting my marching lesson, ma'am.
448
00:33:56,757 --> 00:33:59,218
Look, Matt, I really don't have time for this
right now.
449
00:33:59,302 --> 00:34:02,805
No, look, I figure I'm here,
I might as well make the best of it.
450
00:34:02,930 --> 00:34:06,350
Matt, marching's hard, okay?
It's not like throwing some football.
451
00:34:06,434 --> 00:34:10,104
- Oh, you ever thrown into double coverage?
- You ever high-stepped in double time?
452
00:34:10,188 --> 00:34:13,691
Yes, ma'am, the time the cops chased us
across Koreno's Creek.
453
00:34:14,317 --> 00:34:17,195
And you got so scared, you cried.
454
00:34:17,945 --> 00:34:22,033
- I had allergies.
- It was winter, Mattie.
455
00:34:23,034 --> 00:34:26,454
Well, if you don't teach me to march,
I might just cry again.
456
00:34:30,082 --> 00:34:31,250
Fine.
457
00:34:31,542 --> 00:34:35,588
Left foot on one and three,
right foot on two and four.
458
00:34:35,671 --> 00:34:37,215
You have to do math?
459
00:34:45,807 --> 00:34:49,727
One, two, three, middle.
One, two, three, line.
460
00:34:49,811 --> 00:34:52,021
Right foot on four.
461
00:34:54,273 --> 00:34:56,818
- Keep your step size even.
- My what?
462
00:34:58,361 --> 00:35:01,864
All right, there we go, little buddy.
I'm gonna fix you up good.
463
00:35:03,366 --> 00:35:08,162
Any girl that knows how to play a tuba,
she can do things. That's what Stifler says.
464
00:35:08,287 --> 00:35:10,915
I don't know what it means,
but it's got to be good.
465
00:35:10,998 --> 00:35:12,250
You're good to go.
466
00:35:12,333 --> 00:35:13,876
Let's go find Chloe.
467
00:35:26,681 --> 00:35:27,849
Holy shit.
468
00:35:29,142 --> 00:35:32,395
What the hell? Who's doing this?
469
00:35:34,772 --> 00:35:35,857
Take it.
470
00:35:35,982 --> 00:35:37,066
It's okay.
471
00:35:46,742 --> 00:35:50,329
- Thanks, little creepy machine.
- You're welcome...
472
00:35:50,746 --> 00:35:52,456
beautiful lady.
473
00:36:07,763 --> 00:36:12,059
With my right, with my right,
but I can also do it with my left, with my left.
474
00:36:15,563 --> 00:36:16,647
Bootie.
475
00:36:18,065 --> 00:36:19,150
Good game.
476
00:36:25,406 --> 00:36:27,200
You just touched my bootie.
477
00:36:34,290 --> 00:36:36,667
- What's that?
- Your instrument.
478
00:36:37,168 --> 00:36:38,961
That's fucking gay.
479
00:36:40,004 --> 00:36:42,131
- I mean lame.
- Good.
480
00:36:42,924 --> 00:36:45,760
Now, there are two positions.
481
00:36:46,427 --> 00:36:50,598
Carrying position, like this,
and playing position, like this.
482
00:36:50,765 --> 00:36:52,475
Now when I call, "horns up"...
483
00:36:52,558 --> 00:36:54,602
you're gonna move your instrument out,
and then...
484
00:36:54,727 --> 00:36:56,354
Hello, losers.
485
00:36:56,562 --> 00:37:00,316
Matt. Oh, my God. Matt, I am so sorry.
486
00:37:00,441 --> 00:37:02,652
- I think I bit a hole in my tongue.
- Oh, let me see.
487
00:37:02,777 --> 00:37:05,321
- No, no hole.
- On today's...
488
00:37:05,404 --> 00:37:08,741
episode wasting time on lost causes.
489
00:37:09,450 --> 00:37:13,579
Speaking of which, I understand you
composed the music to your show, Elyse...
490
00:37:13,663 --> 00:37:15,289
if you call that music.
491
00:37:15,373 --> 00:37:17,834
Yeah. That's right. I did.
492
00:37:17,917 --> 00:37:20,127
And who'd your daddy hire
to compose yours?
493
00:37:20,211 --> 00:37:25,174
I'm just giving you fair warning, cupcake.
Robards Scholarship is mine.
494
00:37:25,675 --> 00:37:27,051
Like you need it.
495
00:37:27,385 --> 00:37:30,388
It's not a matter of need.
It's a matter of want.
496
00:37:30,680 --> 00:37:34,100
- Yeah, I get what I want.
- Why don't you shut the fuck up?
497
00:37:34,183 --> 00:37:35,434
Matt, don't.
498
00:37:36,477 --> 00:37:39,230
- What are you going to do?
- Kick your ass.
499
00:37:39,438 --> 00:37:41,232
- Are you challenging me?
- No.
500
00:37:41,315 --> 00:37:44,652
- Yeah, what if I am?
- No, Brandon, that is not what he's doing.
501
00:37:44,777 --> 00:37:47,613
I accept. Amphitheatre, 5:00.
502
00:37:47,989 --> 00:37:50,825
It's been three years
since I've been challenged.
503
00:37:51,117 --> 00:37:52,994
We got a challenge.
504
00:37:55,705 --> 00:37:58,082
I look forward to reminding people why.
505
00:37:58,916 --> 00:38:00,418
East Great Falls.
506
00:38:00,710 --> 00:38:02,837
I'll see you there, asshole.
507
00:38:04,714 --> 00:38:08,551
- Do you know what you just did?
- Doesn't matter. He's going down.
508
00:38:08,634 --> 00:38:11,304
Matt, you challenged him to a duel.
509
00:38:11,596 --> 00:38:12,763
With swords?
510
00:38:13,431 --> 00:38:17,268
No, you idiot.
You each get on stage and perform.
511
00:38:17,351 --> 00:38:19,395
And the crowd decides who wins.
512
00:38:19,896 --> 00:38:21,772
Can't we just do keg stands?
513
00:38:22,398 --> 00:38:26,777
Matt, this is serious, okay?
Beechwood gets five points if he wins...
514
00:38:26,903 --> 00:38:30,156
which, you know, he will
because he plays an instrument.
515
00:38:30,406 --> 00:38:32,200
Well, so do I.
516
00:38:32,742 --> 00:38:35,536
Let the Tall Oaks
Battle Royale begin.
517
00:38:36,120 --> 00:38:38,956
The prize is five points towards the cup.
518
00:38:39,916 --> 00:38:41,876
Okay, Brandon, you're up first.
519
00:39:25,878 --> 00:39:27,129
Come on!
520
00:39:29,507 --> 00:39:32,051
Suck on that, bitch.
521
00:39:33,094 --> 00:39:34,345
Lame.
522
00:39:35,137 --> 00:39:36,681
This is so embarrassing.
523
00:39:36,806 --> 00:39:38,057
Okay, Brandon.
524
00:39:38,141 --> 00:39:39,767
Now you show him, Brandon.
525
00:39:57,702 --> 00:39:58,870
Take that!
526
00:40:10,548 --> 00:40:13,301
Well, seems this contest is over.
527
00:40:14,010 --> 00:40:16,387
Figures. We just lost five points.
528
00:40:19,015 --> 00:40:22,018
And the winner by forfeit is...
529
00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:26,147
But I know it's not his fault...
530
00:40:49,420 --> 00:40:51,130
You don't know the words.
531
00:41:12,944 --> 00:41:14,529
He should shave that.
532
00:41:17,365 --> 00:41:18,991
East Great Falls!
533
00:41:19,617 --> 00:41:21,410
East Great Falls!
534
00:41:21,744 --> 00:41:23,621
East Great Falls!
535
00:41:24,330 --> 00:41:25,957
East Great Falls!
536
00:41:29,126 --> 00:41:31,671
Okay, five points to Great Falls.
537
00:41:33,589 --> 00:41:35,550
All right, Great Falls!
538
00:41:37,969 --> 00:41:40,096
East Great Falls!
539
00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:43,474
East Great Falls!
540
00:41:44,559 --> 00:41:46,686
East Great Falls!
541
00:41:46,769 --> 00:41:48,729
East Great Falls!
542
00:41:50,356 --> 00:41:52,066
Hey, hey...
543
00:41:52,150 --> 00:41:54,193
- Hey.
- What?
544
00:41:54,318 --> 00:41:56,863
- Are you really Scottish?
- Fuck, no.
545
00:41:57,905 --> 00:41:59,282
My mum made me learn an instrument.
546
00:41:59,365 --> 00:42:01,242
That's the most annoying one
I could think of.
547
00:42:01,325 --> 00:42:05,079
I think you were just born
to squeeze sacks and blow pipes, Stifler.
548
00:42:05,329 --> 00:42:06,664
Hey, Oscar.
549
00:42:11,377 --> 00:42:14,046
How many other Oscars
do you know? Go!
550
00:42:16,424 --> 00:42:18,801
- What's up?
- Your drum line sounds pretty tight.
551
00:42:18,926 --> 00:42:20,011
Oh, thanks.
552
00:42:20,094 --> 00:42:22,138
You let me know
if you want to learn some new moves.
553
00:42:22,346 --> 00:42:23,431
Really?
554
00:42:23,556 --> 00:42:26,267
- He's gonna screw it up.
- He's definitely gonna screw it up.
555
00:42:27,810 --> 00:42:32,023
- Thanks for winning those points back.
- I lost them. I had to get them back.
556
00:42:32,899 --> 00:42:35,985
Hey, guys,
Sheree's gonna show me some moves.
557
00:42:36,527 --> 00:42:37,612
Hey, gang...
558
00:42:37,695 --> 00:42:42,074
just a little reminder that as the battle
for the cup heats up, let's try to remember...
559
00:42:43,284 --> 00:42:46,787
to keep up that Tall Oaks spirit of fair play
and friendly competition.
560
00:42:47,622 --> 00:42:49,999
We'll have enough spit for a six-pack.
561
00:42:53,252 --> 00:42:56,214
- Yeah, baby, you did me proud, son.
- Thanks, J. Lo.
562
00:42:56,297 --> 00:42:57,757
It's cool. Big O?
563
00:42:58,132 --> 00:43:01,135
Quite a little show you put on
yesterday, Stifler.
564
00:43:01,302 --> 00:43:04,138
You know,
these plebes think you're some kind of hero.
565
00:43:04,222 --> 00:43:06,432
I don't know what a plebe is, Vande-creep.
566
00:43:06,557 --> 00:43:09,727
Didn't anybody tell you not to mess
with the big dog while he's eating?
567
00:43:09,852 --> 00:43:12,605
It's mine, jerk-wad.
Now will you give it back?
568
00:43:14,065 --> 00:43:17,318
- Dildos.
- This is still my camp, asshole.
569
00:43:17,568 --> 00:43:20,112
- You're going down.
- No, I'm not.
570
00:43:20,196 --> 00:43:21,280
But your mum did last night.
571
00:43:21,405 --> 00:43:24,742
Did she play the trumpet?
Because she has really strong lips.
572
00:43:24,992 --> 00:43:26,244
That's right.
573
00:43:41,968 --> 00:43:43,135
Yummy.
574
00:43:46,889 --> 00:43:48,850
That's what I'm talking about.
575
00:43:50,059 --> 00:43:53,020
- What happened this time, Claire?
- Well, I was working on my solo...
576
00:43:53,104 --> 00:43:54,564
and I hurt myself.
577
00:43:55,439 --> 00:43:57,233
I've been fucking poisoned.
578
00:43:58,568 --> 00:44:01,279
Ipecac is a natural herbal extract...
579
00:44:01,362 --> 00:44:04,365
that triggers the regurgitation reflex.
580
00:44:08,744 --> 00:44:11,455
Whatever's in there
should be out soon enough.
581
00:44:11,747 --> 00:44:13,457
Like him, if we're lucky.
582
00:44:15,501 --> 00:44:19,088
Well, I'm pretty sure
it's probably just something...
583
00:44:19,463 --> 00:44:23,843
you had for lunch, you know? I've got
the same problem. Very sensitive stomach.
584
00:44:24,468 --> 00:44:27,889
I was at a banquet once.
On the same plate, if you can believe it...
585
00:44:27,972 --> 00:44:33,186
they had creamed venison, squid fritters,
and jellied pork.
586
00:44:38,816 --> 00:44:39,901
What?
587
00:45:00,838 --> 00:45:03,549
- Hey, what's up, crust bucket?
- Come here, dude. Check this out.
588
00:45:03,633 --> 00:45:07,303
So, this afternoon, while the counselors
were practicing for the talent show...
589
00:45:07,386 --> 00:45:09,931
I faked an asthma attack,
and I changed both of the cameras.
590
00:45:14,185 --> 00:45:16,854
It's their talent show routine, au naturel.
591
00:45:17,230 --> 00:45:19,941
Dude, you filthy little cyberfucker. Shit.
592
00:45:20,775 --> 00:45:25,238
- Hey, I thought we were just going to watch.
- Exactly, we may want to watch it again.
593
00:45:31,702 --> 00:45:36,582
Hey, so, I took your advice about Chloe.
I used the Rover to deliver a soda.
594
00:45:37,166 --> 00:45:41,003
- That was your cool, crazy idea?
- Yeah, I think she actually liked it.
595
00:45:41,087 --> 00:45:44,090
- Yeah, that sounds gay.
- It's not gay.
596
00:45:45,675 --> 00:45:48,553
Anyway, there's
this bonfire-slushee party tonight...
597
00:45:48,636 --> 00:45:51,889
and I really need to know Step Two
in the Stiffmeister plan.
598
00:45:51,973 --> 00:45:55,560
Slushee party. Really.
599
00:45:55,893 --> 00:45:57,478
Special delivery.
600
00:45:57,603 --> 00:45:59,313
Prepare to jam with the bearded clam.
601
00:46:00,606 --> 00:46:02,150
Get ready to cuddle the love puddle.
602
00:46:02,275 --> 00:46:05,611
The time has come for Dr. Robot to get laid.
603
00:46:05,820 --> 00:46:06,904
Get laid?
604
00:46:07,071 --> 00:46:09,740
I told you, trust the Stiffmeister.
605
00:46:09,991 --> 00:46:12,743
Meister means "master" in German.
606
00:46:13,661 --> 00:46:17,957
Get her drunk? That's the secret
of the ages? That's Step Number Two?
607
00:46:18,082 --> 00:46:23,045
No, actually, it's Step Four. You don't have
the balls for Two or the tongue for Three.
608
00:46:23,212 --> 00:46:24,672
I've got the balls.
609
00:46:25,256 --> 00:46:27,800
Hey, you haven't heard Step Five yet.
610
00:46:31,596 --> 00:46:35,266
Born to be wild
611
00:46:38,936 --> 00:46:42,607
Well, I'm hot blooded
Check it and see
612
00:46:42,982 --> 00:46:46,736
I've got a fever of 103
613
00:46:46,861 --> 00:46:49,614
Come on baby
Do you do more than dance?
614
00:46:51,449 --> 00:46:54,202
- This is some good shit.
- Don't enjoy it too much.
615
00:46:54,327 --> 00:46:57,747
- We have a big practice tomorrow, you guys.
- Relax, Leesy.
616
00:46:58,206 --> 00:47:01,375
Suckle the tender fruits
of Band Camp with your friends.
617
00:47:01,542 --> 00:47:05,296
Come on, Elyse. Cut loose a little bit.
Have some fun.
618
00:47:05,421 --> 00:47:06,756
I am having fun.
619
00:47:06,839 --> 00:47:09,842
Hey, horn dog, let's go get
some more of these before they run out.
620
00:47:09,926 --> 00:47:12,303
- All right.
- Horn dog?
621
00:47:12,428 --> 00:47:16,974
Yeah, it's his nickname. Dude will stick
his dick into anything. It's unnatural.
622
00:47:17,975 --> 00:47:21,813
Check it, dawg. This one time
at Band Camp, I fucked an oboe.
623
00:47:22,897 --> 00:47:25,274
- Really?
- Blow in it for a while...
624
00:47:25,358 --> 00:47:29,987
get that wood nice and warm,
slap on some valve oil and go to town, yo.
625
00:47:30,196 --> 00:47:32,323
Hey, maybe you should try a flute.
626
00:47:36,994 --> 00:47:39,455
Now's a good time
to teach you those moves.
627
00:47:39,580 --> 00:47:40,581
Really?
628
00:47:46,254 --> 00:47:47,421
What?
629
00:48:01,894 --> 00:48:03,271
I know what you're doing.
630
00:48:03,354 --> 00:48:07,483
- You do?
- It's what you always do. You're a fake.
631
00:48:07,733 --> 00:48:10,820
You do whatever it takes
to be the centre of attention.
632
00:48:10,945 --> 00:48:14,782
Just like when we were kids,
around me, you were regular old Matt...
633
00:48:15,158 --> 00:48:18,494
but around Steve and his friends,
you were the Stiffmeister.
634
00:48:19,662 --> 00:48:21,289
Who're you going to be tonight?
635
00:48:21,414 --> 00:48:23,040
Hey, cheese dick...
636
00:48:23,124 --> 00:48:27,587
why don't you quit being such a fucking
taint licker, and get me another slushee.
637
00:48:27,670 --> 00:48:29,630
Fucking puss monkey.
638
00:48:37,472 --> 00:48:40,016
You know what?
I am going to have some fun.
639
00:48:48,065 --> 00:48:51,152
Fucking hoes, man. I don't get that shit.
640
00:48:51,277 --> 00:48:55,198
I mean, right now, Oscar's off in the woods
tapping that counselor biatch, Sheree.
641
00:48:55,281 --> 00:48:58,075
- What's up with that?
- That cock spring is getting laid?
642
00:48:58,159 --> 00:49:01,162
True that. And here we are,
the two dopest homeboys in camp...
643
00:49:01,245 --> 00:49:05,541
and we ain't got no prospects
for our palm pilots. That's fucked up, dawg.
644
00:49:05,917 --> 00:49:07,960
Dude, I gotta see this.
645
00:49:11,589 --> 00:49:13,466
- Use your hips more.
- Hips, like that?
646
00:49:13,591 --> 00:49:17,512
Yeah, now faster. Yeah. Like that.
A circle. Like that.
647
00:49:17,595 --> 00:49:21,766
Crikey! The alpha female
has chosen an unlikely mate.
648
00:49:21,849 --> 00:49:24,477
Will he survive this dangerous encounter...
649
00:49:24,727 --> 00:49:29,106
or will she satisfy her primal needs
and then devour him for dinner?
650
00:49:29,440 --> 00:49:31,067
Stay tuned.
651
00:49:31,484 --> 00:49:35,321
I'm sorry. I'm really no good
at this stuff.
652
00:49:35,446 --> 00:49:37,490
Relax. You're doing fine.
653
00:49:40,910 --> 00:49:42,370
This sucks.
654
00:49:42,745 --> 00:49:45,289
How's that feel? Oscar.
655
00:49:45,873 --> 00:49:48,000
Is that your drumstick poking me?
656
00:49:49,210 --> 00:49:51,170
I don't have my drumsticks.
657
00:49:51,254 --> 00:49:54,048
Are you standing up for me again, Oscar?
658
00:49:54,590 --> 00:49:56,300
It's getting hot.
659
00:49:56,592 --> 00:49:59,512
Smack my ass and call me cowboy.
660
00:50:00,304 --> 00:50:02,515
Hello, Double-D Sheree.
661
00:50:02,974 --> 00:50:04,684
Hips. Hips.
662
00:50:04,976 --> 00:50:06,602
- Use your hips.
- Oh, yeah, hips.
663
00:50:06,727 --> 00:50:08,521
And step, and...
664
00:50:11,774 --> 00:50:12,859
Who knew?
665
00:50:13,943 --> 00:50:15,319
Wow.
666
00:50:27,373 --> 00:50:29,750
Yo, we at Tall Oaks
Sipping on juice
667
00:50:29,876 --> 00:50:32,170
Got horns, trumpets
Rhythm and flutes
668
00:50:32,253 --> 00:50:34,547
Great Falls laying it down
669
00:50:34,672 --> 00:50:37,216
Gonna ride fucking Beechwood
out of the town
670
00:50:37,300 --> 00:50:39,677
J.C., what, rocking the bunch
671
00:50:39,760 --> 00:50:42,847
All tripped out on the fucking fruit punch
672
00:50:49,812 --> 00:50:53,149
- I just want to be respectful.
- Oh, that's sweet.
673
00:51:01,532 --> 00:51:04,076
The only person who's gonna get laid
around here.
674
00:51:13,252 --> 00:51:15,296
Hello, oeoe.
675
00:51:32,188 --> 00:51:33,898
This is so cool.
676
00:51:35,483 --> 00:51:39,779
I hope I didn't scare you
with the Rover and the soda.
677
00:51:39,946 --> 00:51:42,073
No, man, it was cute.
678
00:51:42,824 --> 00:51:46,410
Nobody's ever been that sweet to me
in my whole life.
679
00:51:46,994 --> 00:51:48,538
Plus, to be honest...
680
00:51:48,996 --> 00:51:52,083
metal really turns me on.
681
00:52:18,901 --> 00:52:21,028
Man, the shit's stuck.
682
00:52:45,595 --> 00:52:48,055
- Turn off the lights.
- Damn, gangsta.
683
00:52:48,181 --> 00:52:50,850
- I was just fucking with you, dawg!
- You... It's stuck.
684
00:52:50,933 --> 00:52:53,311
- Shit, you want help?
- Don't touch me.
685
00:52:54,896 --> 00:52:55,980
Come on.
686
00:52:56,731 --> 00:52:58,274
Maybe you should blow on it.
687
00:52:58,399 --> 00:53:00,109
Maybe you should blow on it
and I'll pull.
688
00:53:00,193 --> 00:53:02,320
Hell, no. Jimmy ain't putting his lips
on that thing.
689
00:53:02,445 --> 00:53:03,905
Jimmy should be a team player.
690
00:53:03,988 --> 00:53:06,199
- Try and relax, dawg.
- Not so hard.
691
00:53:06,324 --> 00:53:07,867
Oh, my God!
692
00:53:14,874 --> 00:53:18,377
- I was just trying to help him get it off, yo.
- Dude, shut up.
693
00:53:18,461 --> 00:53:19,545
Whatever.
694
00:53:19,670 --> 00:53:21,714
He had an allergic reaction to the valve oil.
695
00:53:21,797 --> 00:53:24,467
The swelling should go down
in a few minutes.
696
00:53:24,717 --> 00:53:28,846
These kinds of things would never happen
with our old Macro.
697
00:53:49,867 --> 00:53:52,703
We didn't have MTV when I was growing up.
698
00:53:54,038 --> 00:53:56,582
So maybe it's the over-stimulated times...
699
00:53:56,707 --> 00:54:00,837
that we live in
that causes young men to stick their...
700
00:54:01,546 --> 00:54:04,423
instruments in such odd places.
701
00:54:06,342 --> 00:54:07,927
I knew a certain young man once...
702
00:54:08,010 --> 00:54:11,264
who actually engaged in sexual congress
with an apple pie.
703
00:54:11,472 --> 00:54:13,349
And he turned out just fine.
704
00:54:13,891 --> 00:54:16,811
So, you're perfectly normal...
705
00:54:17,937 --> 00:54:19,522
as these things go.
706
00:54:37,874 --> 00:54:40,960
- Are you okay?
- Oh, yeah.
707
00:54:41,085 --> 00:54:45,548
I'm so drunk right now.
I'm probably going to forget about you...
708
00:54:47,049 --> 00:54:49,093
porking an oboe.
709
00:54:58,227 --> 00:54:59,937
I have six piercings.
710
00:55:01,439 --> 00:55:03,983
That doesn't include the ones on my face.
711
00:55:17,497 --> 00:55:18,915
Two right here...
712
00:55:21,292 --> 00:55:24,295
and four down here.
713
00:55:36,057 --> 00:55:38,017
Haven't seen that in a while.
714
00:55:38,392 --> 00:55:43,439
Yeah, well, no time for dance.
It's all about band, band, band.
715
00:55:43,523 --> 00:55:45,483
No, I was talking about you having fun.
716
00:55:45,608 --> 00:55:49,111
- I have fun. I have fun all the time.
- Yeah.
717
00:55:49,237 --> 00:55:51,948
I just get stressed out, you know. I mean...
718
00:55:52,615 --> 00:55:54,826
we graduate next year, and I don't know.
719
00:55:54,909 --> 00:55:56,953
I mean, I don't really talk about it
all that much...
720
00:55:57,036 --> 00:55:59,956
because the cup is, like,
a team thing, and...
721
00:56:00,081 --> 00:56:03,167
But winning the Robards Scholarship,
I mean, that is like...
722
00:56:03,292 --> 00:56:05,002
my future, you know? And...
723
00:56:05,962 --> 00:56:08,798
Dr. Choi is coming. I mean...
724
00:56:08,965 --> 00:56:12,385
you don't understand. She's like famous...
725
00:56:12,885 --> 00:56:15,888
like holy-shit famous.
And, sometimes, I just...
726
00:56:16,931 --> 00:56:18,641
I get really stressed out...
727
00:56:18,724 --> 00:56:22,562
and I calm myself down
by going off and playing on my Picardo.
728
00:56:23,271 --> 00:56:25,982
Wait, you have... Picardo?
729
00:56:26,149 --> 00:56:28,693
It's just a cheapie, but I lost it.
730
00:56:29,068 --> 00:56:32,238
- Wait, if I somehow found this Picard thing...
- You found it?
731
00:56:32,530 --> 00:56:34,407
- Maybe.
- Give it back.
732
00:56:34,740 --> 00:56:36,284
If you let me watch.
733
00:56:37,243 --> 00:56:40,246
Okay, but it takes me a while to warm up.
734
00:56:40,371 --> 00:56:42,832
I have all the time in the world.
735
00:56:45,418 --> 00:56:46,502
Figures.
736
00:56:48,379 --> 00:56:50,923
But I'm going to have to be really drunk.
737
00:56:51,841 --> 00:56:55,178
I mean really drunk. Really drunk.
738
00:56:56,095 --> 00:56:57,096
Yes.
739
00:56:57,722 --> 00:56:59,182
Beat it, jerk off.
740
00:57:18,326 --> 00:57:20,620
Okay, people, let's take a break.
741
00:57:24,081 --> 00:57:26,209
We're all a little sluggish today.
742
00:57:28,002 --> 00:57:29,629
Man, we suck.
743
00:57:29,712 --> 00:57:33,216
Man, one night of fun was not worth
losing a whole day of practice.
744
00:57:36,969 --> 00:57:38,471
Give me this thing.
745
00:57:39,263 --> 00:57:41,808
All right, listen up,
you lazy bunch of lip shits.
746
00:57:41,933 --> 00:57:43,893
Those Beechwood plebes
aren't taking breaks.
747
00:57:43,976 --> 00:57:46,896
We want to win this thing,
we've gotta bust our asses.
748
00:57:47,230 --> 00:57:49,357
Come on, bitches. Back to work.
749
00:57:49,440 --> 00:57:52,235
- Matt, that's my job.
- Grab your cocks and move your socks.
750
00:57:52,318 --> 00:57:54,445
We're at war here, people, war!
751
00:57:54,529 --> 00:57:57,865
Show some tits. Grow some balls.
Hey, keep that thing warm for me.
752
00:57:57,990 --> 00:58:02,119
All right, now. What, you want to let
Beechwood tittie-fuck us? I didn't think so.
753
00:58:02,203 --> 00:58:03,538
All right, Tall Oakers...
754
00:58:03,621 --> 00:58:06,624
we're in our final week.
Time to put on our game faces.
755
00:58:06,749 --> 00:58:09,919
And time to strap yourselves in
for a bumpy ride.
756
00:58:10,002 --> 00:58:11,963
I want the oboe, clarinet, black thingies...
757
00:58:12,046 --> 00:58:14,841
and we've got the rhythm section
in a full-on blitz.
758
00:58:14,924 --> 00:58:17,051
- Are you with me, bandees?
- Yeah!
759
00:58:17,176 --> 00:58:19,929
MACRO: Competition for the Tall Oaks Cup
is really heating up.
760
00:58:23,641 --> 00:58:25,101
Beechwood wins.
761
00:58:27,353 --> 00:58:28,354
Whatever.
762
00:58:28,479 --> 00:58:29,814
I told you, you should let me steer.
763
00:58:29,897 --> 00:58:31,524
Take that bitch home, man.
764
00:58:31,941 --> 00:58:36,320
Drive it in. Hey, you, fuck face,
I don't even know where to start with you.
765
00:58:43,161 --> 00:58:46,747
Beechwood leads.
Great Falls and Lloyd are tied for second.
766
00:58:46,873 --> 00:58:48,916
Beechwood licks nuts. Hut!
767
00:58:57,508 --> 00:58:59,719
Victory, East Great Falls.
768
00:59:03,139 --> 00:59:05,266
Right foot on line.
769
00:59:07,018 --> 00:59:09,061
Jimmy, you fucking lotion lover.
770
00:59:16,235 --> 00:59:18,863
East Great Falls by four points.
771
00:59:28,498 --> 00:59:30,291
Hey, butt pirates ahoy.
772
00:59:31,250 --> 00:59:34,754
Your little band
may be leading in the competition, Stifler...
773
00:59:36,172 --> 00:59:38,799
but make sure to let us know
if you get thirsty.
774
00:59:38,883 --> 00:59:41,093
Yeah, 'cause there's plenty of this.
775
00:59:46,474 --> 00:59:50,394
That's funny for you dorks.
Yeah, it is, isn't it? Yeah.
776
00:59:50,645 --> 00:59:53,272
Man, screw that challenge.
I'm just gonna kick his ass.
777
00:59:53,356 --> 00:59:55,483
No, wait. I've got a better idea...
778
00:59:56,442 --> 00:59:58,486
if you think you're man enough.
779
01:00:10,540 --> 01:00:11,541
Yes.
780
01:00:11,666 --> 01:00:14,836
- Hey, you sure you can do this?
- Hey, born to be a porn star, baby.
781
01:00:14,919 --> 01:00:16,379
Delivery on demand.
782
01:00:17,505 --> 01:00:20,508
When I get back,
I'll be a million Stiflers lighter.
783
01:02:48,573 --> 01:02:50,616
Brandon, I think you're
a really good drummer, so...
784
01:02:50,700 --> 01:02:51,784
Excuse me.
785
01:03:04,046 --> 01:03:05,381
Hey, guys...
786
01:03:05,464 --> 01:03:09,218
don't forget your sunscreen.
Your bodies are your instruments.
787
01:03:09,302 --> 01:03:11,345
Yeah, you don't want to be
chapped for your solos.
788
01:03:11,470 --> 01:03:13,764
No, we don't. Bye now.
789
01:03:19,061 --> 01:03:21,272
What is that, 30? It's really thick.
790
01:03:31,657 --> 01:03:33,534
How's that taste, Vande-cock?
791
01:03:34,160 --> 01:03:36,370
Good, huh? Warm and salty? Yeah.
792
01:03:36,496 --> 01:03:40,249
It's a cum-pletely new formula.
100% Stiffy juice...
793
01:03:40,374 --> 01:03:42,502
S.P.F. 69.
794
01:03:49,258 --> 01:03:50,510
Suck on that.
795
01:03:51,636 --> 01:03:53,262
- Yeah.
- Stop, man.
796
01:03:53,346 --> 01:03:55,056
- Yeah.
- Ernie.
797
01:03:55,139 --> 01:03:56,474
- Yeah.
- Ernie.
798
01:04:05,858 --> 01:04:08,486
What you had before
was way better than this.
799
01:04:08,569 --> 01:04:12,615
This sounds like
your overactive honor-society brain.
800
01:04:13,074 --> 01:04:16,828
Instead of your nasty, wet...
801
01:04:17,703 --> 01:04:19,163
dirty-girl panties.
802
01:04:20,122 --> 01:04:22,083
It should be more spontaneous.
803
01:04:25,086 --> 01:04:26,420
Stop.
804
01:04:26,504 --> 01:04:29,340
Maybe you should hang out
with your friend Matt a little bit more.
805
01:04:29,423 --> 01:04:30,424
Yeah, right.
806
01:04:30,550 --> 01:04:34,136
I know he's a dick and everything,
but he's also got one.
807
01:04:34,262 --> 01:04:38,516
Make some love music, you know?
And then your notes will just cum to you.
808
01:04:39,142 --> 01:04:42,311
- Oh, Matt!
- Stop.
809
01:04:42,562 --> 01:04:44,021
Matt. Matt.
810
01:04:47,275 --> 01:04:49,735
Go long, you asshole. Go.
811
01:04:50,528 --> 01:04:52,405
Hey, Elyse.
812
01:04:53,656 --> 01:04:55,616
Throw it back. Come on.
813
01:04:56,409 --> 01:04:57,869
What you got?
814
01:05:05,543 --> 01:05:06,919
Missed. Sorry.
815
01:05:08,546 --> 01:05:10,256
Hey, if I have to ring the triangle...
816
01:05:10,298 --> 01:05:12,049
- you have to throw the football, all right?
- Okay.
817
01:05:12,091 --> 01:05:13,968
Draw your arm back. There you go.
818
01:05:14,051 --> 01:05:17,805
Shoulder to your target. Right.
Okay, now step forward.
819
01:05:17,889 --> 01:05:20,266
Come on we're not marching. One foot.
820
01:05:20,391 --> 01:05:23,227
- Okay.
- You're fine. Ready? There you go.
821
01:05:23,519 --> 01:05:24,896
Draw the ball over your ear...
822
01:05:24,979 --> 01:05:28,149
and when you throw it, let it roll
right off your fingers, all right?
823
01:05:29,358 --> 01:05:30,443
Okay.
824
01:05:30,818 --> 01:05:32,278
Come on, throw it.
825
01:05:38,201 --> 01:05:39,994
See? I taught you something. What?
826
01:05:40,077 --> 01:05:42,538
So every time I throw it,
you're gonna run and go get it?
827
01:05:42,663 --> 01:05:44,373
That's generally how it works.
828
01:05:44,499 --> 01:05:46,292
Like playing fetch with my dog.
829
01:05:46,417 --> 01:05:50,171
- Yeah, except I don't lick my own balls.
- You would if you could.
830
01:05:50,546 --> 01:05:51,547
Oh, yeah.
831
01:05:53,216 --> 01:05:54,383
Okay, again.
832
01:05:55,176 --> 01:05:56,344
Right here.
833
01:05:57,720 --> 01:06:00,348
Look, that one looks like a bunny.
834
01:06:00,681 --> 01:06:02,558
No, it doesn't.
835
01:06:03,935 --> 01:06:05,978
Maybe a bunny with one nut.
836
01:06:06,229 --> 01:06:08,981
- No, that's its tail.
- Whatever you say.
837
01:06:12,360 --> 01:06:15,446
- You think we'll win this thing?
- Hell, yeah, we will.
838
01:06:15,571 --> 01:06:19,867
- If you write in a bagpipe part.
- Oh, God, I'll never make that mistake again.
839
01:06:19,951 --> 01:06:22,954
- What?
- The eighth grade recital.
840
01:06:24,038 --> 01:06:26,499
You made me write in a part for you.
841
01:06:28,793 --> 01:06:30,753
You wore your kilt.
842
01:06:32,129 --> 01:06:34,590
Yeah, Steve showed up with his friends.
843
01:06:35,258 --> 01:06:37,468
They gave me so much shit for that.
844
01:06:37,802 --> 01:06:40,179
I didn't come out of my room for days.
845
01:06:40,471 --> 01:06:43,641
You made it up to him
by stealing all my underwear...
846
01:06:43,766 --> 01:06:46,144
so you could run them up the flagpole.
847
01:06:47,103 --> 01:06:48,896
Including my training bras.
848
01:06:52,024 --> 01:06:54,652
Okay, since we're having
some big fucking Oprah moment here...
849
01:06:54,735 --> 01:06:56,779
I'm sorry about your underwear.
850
01:06:56,904 --> 01:06:58,531
And the diary.
851
01:07:01,284 --> 01:07:03,244
And all that other shit, too.
852
01:07:43,534 --> 01:07:44,619
That's it.
853
01:07:45,203 --> 01:07:48,080
- You started it.
- This is gonna get me that scholarship.
854
01:07:48,164 --> 01:07:49,165
What?
855
01:07:49,290 --> 01:07:51,959
I've got to go write this down
before I forget.
856
01:07:53,836 --> 01:07:55,213
Hey. Hey. Hey.
857
01:07:57,048 --> 01:07:59,091
Could we do this again tomorrow night?
858
01:07:59,175 --> 01:08:02,011
Yeah, sure. I'll see you here at sunset.
859
01:08:02,553 --> 01:08:03,888
Hey.
860
01:08:04,847 --> 01:08:07,308
Should I bring that Picardo thing?
861
01:08:07,391 --> 01:08:09,602
Okay, I'll do a solo for you.
862
01:08:19,821 --> 01:08:21,531
- What's up, Ernie?
- Hey.
863
01:08:40,550 --> 01:08:42,510
It was that fugly nurse again.
864
01:08:57,650 --> 01:08:59,443
Oh, my God.
865
01:08:59,569 --> 01:09:00,903
Matt Stifler?
866
01:09:01,654 --> 01:09:06,284
- Holy shit, look at you.
- Arrianna, what are you doing here?
867
01:09:06,409 --> 01:09:09,745
We practice our routine with the band.
What are you doing here?
868
01:09:09,829 --> 01:09:12,206
I had to come. The school made me.
869
01:09:13,207 --> 01:09:16,627
- Does anybody know about this yet?
- Oh, they do now.
870
01:09:17,670 --> 01:09:20,840
Hey, come on, no pictures.
What're you, the papa-tit-zzy?
871
01:09:20,923 --> 01:09:22,633
- Holy shit, this is so hilarious.
- Smile.
872
01:09:22,758 --> 01:09:26,596
Ladies. No time for fraternizing.
873
01:09:27,597 --> 01:09:31,684
Get the bags.
Guess I'll see you around, bandee.
874
01:09:31,851 --> 01:09:36,105
What a dork.
I'm going to email this to everybody.
875
01:09:58,461 --> 01:10:01,214
Girls, that was great. Percussion, take five.
876
01:10:01,339 --> 01:10:03,049
Horns, we've got to work on intonation.
877
01:10:03,174 --> 01:10:05,801
The final performance is tomorrow,
you guys.
878
01:10:06,636 --> 01:10:08,429
They're so lame.
879
01:10:09,472 --> 01:10:11,849
You play the triangle. How cute.
880
01:10:12,683 --> 01:10:15,853
No, I don't. Look, I told you...
881
01:10:16,521 --> 01:10:17,855
- I had to...
- I gotta go.
882
01:10:17,939 --> 01:10:21,275
- I don't socialize with bandees.
- I'm not a fucking bandee.
883
01:10:21,651 --> 01:10:25,321
I'm not. Look.
I've just been acting like a geek.
884
01:10:25,613 --> 01:10:28,574
I've been playing them
so I could get them on hidden video.
885
01:10:28,658 --> 01:10:32,161
I've been secretly videotaping them
doing all this crazy shit.
886
01:10:33,162 --> 01:10:36,165
- Really?
- Yeah, I could show you.
887
01:10:38,793 --> 01:10:41,087
Okay, come by after dinner.
888
01:10:41,629 --> 01:10:44,257
I'll leave my pompoms
in the window for you.
889
01:11:17,748 --> 01:11:20,459
- You're late.
- Yeah, no shit. Open the window.
890
01:11:23,796 --> 01:11:25,673
Hold on. Be careful with it.
891
01:11:34,807 --> 01:11:38,060
All right, one condition
before I show you the fruits of my labors.
892
01:11:38,144 --> 01:11:39,312
What's that?
893
01:11:39,687 --> 01:11:42,523
I want that picture
on that camera phone erased.
894
01:11:54,160 --> 01:11:57,246
Nobody at school hears
about the triangle or the beanie.
895
01:11:57,371 --> 01:11:59,999
I don't want anybody
to think I'm a dorky-ass bandee.
896
01:12:00,082 --> 01:12:01,876
Fine. Like, now can we get on with it?
897
01:12:02,001 --> 01:12:05,421
As soon as you get rid of that picture
of me on your phone.
898
01:12:19,852 --> 01:12:22,688
- Are you going into town?
- Not tonight. I'm too tired.
899
01:12:22,772 --> 01:12:25,399
Besides, they're much hotter here.
900
01:12:25,483 --> 01:12:28,402
I know. It's a great crop this year.
901
01:12:43,209 --> 01:12:47,129
- There. Done deal.
- Now can we see the video?
902
01:12:48,005 --> 01:12:49,632
Stiffmeister Productions...
903
01:12:49,715 --> 01:12:53,302
in association with
its talented new director, Matthew Stifler...
904
01:12:53,386 --> 01:12:55,346
is happy to premier the unedited...
905
01:12:55,471 --> 01:12:59,934
unfiltered, and un-fucking-believable
Bandeez Gone Wild.
906
01:13:01,269 --> 01:13:02,436
Oh, yeah.
907
01:13:06,691 --> 01:13:10,528
- Oh, my God.
- That is unbelievable.
908
01:13:33,176 --> 01:13:35,469
- You're kidding me, right?
- That's great.
909
01:13:36,971 --> 01:13:40,141
Danielle likes Jimmy,
but she's like a foot taller than him.
910
01:13:40,224 --> 01:13:41,684
And wait till you hear this.
911
01:13:41,767 --> 01:13:44,312
Sheree slept with that big Oscar guy,
the drummer.
912
01:13:44,437 --> 01:13:45,938
Said he was amazing.
913
01:13:46,522 --> 01:13:49,692
I hooked up with Brandon once.
Some drummer. He has...
914
01:13:49,817 --> 01:13:51,611
no rhythm,
and he can't even bang very long.
915
01:13:51,819 --> 01:13:53,613
Oh, my God. Are you serious?
916
01:13:53,696 --> 01:13:57,867
Yeah, he's a preemie. I'm not talking
about the day he was born, either.
917
01:13:59,744 --> 01:14:02,497
Can you get my back?
I think I got a little bit of sun today?
918
01:14:02,580 --> 01:14:03,581
Sure.
919
01:14:03,831 --> 01:14:06,751
Get this. He has one ball.
920
01:14:07,335 --> 01:14:09,629
- No way.
- One ball.
921
01:14:10,796 --> 01:14:13,716
Yeah, that why he carries that big stick
around everywhere.
922
01:14:13,841 --> 01:14:15,885
It's got his other ball on top.
923
01:14:20,348 --> 01:14:22,141
Shit, shit, oh, shit.
924
01:14:25,394 --> 01:14:26,854
What is that thing?
925
01:14:40,952 --> 01:14:42,286
Let's kill it.
926
01:14:43,704 --> 01:14:44,872
- Where'd he go?
- There he is.
927
01:14:44,997 --> 01:14:46,082
Look out.
928
01:15:26,038 --> 01:15:27,915
This is going into the lake.
929
01:15:29,000 --> 01:15:31,460
No one's gonna know
about your little video.
930
01:15:31,586 --> 01:15:34,213
'Cause the shit you got us doing on tape...
931
01:15:39,260 --> 01:15:42,930
So we got a contest to win tomorrow.
And I don't want to see you.
932
01:15:43,306 --> 01:15:44,474
Understand?
933
01:15:50,605 --> 01:15:52,023
Did you help him?
934
01:16:17,006 --> 01:16:18,633
With East Great Falls
in the lead...
935
01:16:18,758 --> 01:16:21,511
Beechwood has to win
the Band Camp Playoffs.
936
01:16:21,636 --> 01:16:23,846
Direct yourselves to the marching field
in one hour.
937
01:16:25,306 --> 01:16:28,643
Now, Dr. Choi, Brandon Vandecamp
from Beechwood...
938
01:16:28,768 --> 01:16:31,062
is our best musician by far...
939
01:16:31,145 --> 01:16:36,108
and his father, Landon,
is our best donor, also by far.
940
01:16:37,068 --> 01:16:41,322
Robards needs talented musicians
as much as we need talented donors.
941
01:16:48,788 --> 01:16:50,122
Ipecac.
942
01:16:52,500 --> 01:16:55,670
- So how's it going? Are you having fun?
- It's okay.
943
01:17:01,133 --> 01:17:03,344
How about some Ipecac, Vande-cooch?
944
01:17:06,264 --> 01:17:10,101
This herbal fucking extract will help you
Beechwood fief play in tune, huh?
945
01:17:11,686 --> 01:17:12,687
Shit.
946
01:17:22,196 --> 01:17:24,574
I told you
I don't want to see you anymore, Stifler.
947
01:17:24,699 --> 01:17:26,826
Some day, you'll thank me, asshole.
948
01:17:31,664 --> 01:17:34,375
- Orange?
- Again?
949
01:17:34,917 --> 01:17:36,961
- Damn.
- That orange shit is janky.
950
01:17:37,044 --> 01:17:38,921
I'm feeling grape, dawg.
951
01:17:41,841 --> 01:17:45,761
I don't care how many times they
won. They're not getting the grape today.
952
01:17:45,887 --> 01:17:48,264
That's what I'm talking about.
953
01:17:49,932 --> 01:17:52,810
Your five-time defending
champion...
954
01:17:53,436 --> 01:17:55,229
Beechwood Academy.
955
01:18:27,345 --> 01:18:30,598
- They're tight.
- Yeah, they're better then ever this year.
956
01:18:30,681 --> 01:18:32,141
Okay, everybody.
957
01:18:32,642 --> 01:18:34,852
It's no surprise Beechwood is good.
958
01:18:35,228 --> 01:18:38,731
But this year is different.
This year, we can beat them.
959
01:18:39,690 --> 01:18:42,860
We've worked hard,
and we are good enough...
960
01:18:42,985 --> 01:18:45,530
and this is our time, so lets win the cup.
961
01:18:45,655 --> 01:18:47,615
Yeah!
962
01:19:22,567 --> 01:19:24,277
Beechwood Academy.
963
01:19:24,360 --> 01:19:27,864
Their music today was composed
by senior drum major...
964
01:19:27,989 --> 01:19:29,949
Brandon Vandecamp.
965
01:19:30,116 --> 01:19:31,200
Beat that.
966
01:19:34,203 --> 01:19:37,707
East Great Falls,
you may enter the field for competition.
967
01:19:55,057 --> 01:19:58,227
- Band 10 hut. One, two, ready.
- Shit.
968
01:19:58,311 --> 01:19:59,854
Leesy, wait, no.
969
01:19:59,979 --> 01:20:02,023
No. Wait.
970
01:20:12,325 --> 01:20:14,619
You know, I'm so sorry.
I don't know what happened.
971
01:20:14,744 --> 01:20:16,871
Not my shoes. Here we go.
972
01:20:21,751 --> 01:20:22,835
Stifler!
973
01:20:40,686 --> 01:20:42,897
You know, you're like
your brother, Steve.
974
01:20:43,022 --> 01:20:46,609
And I don't think those are the shoes
you should be so eager to fill.
975
01:20:46,734 --> 01:20:49,821
You know, the people
Steve thought were his friends...
976
01:20:49,946 --> 01:20:52,573
- really didn't like him very much.
- What?
977
01:20:52,657 --> 01:20:54,116
But I think you're different.
978
01:20:54,200 --> 01:20:58,412
I think people want to like you, Matt.
You just make it really hard.
979
01:21:12,802 --> 01:21:16,639
Parting is such sweet sorrow.
When you're a loser.
980
01:21:23,229 --> 01:21:27,525
Mr. Levenstein reports
that there were a few incidents...
981
01:21:27,608 --> 01:21:28,860
at camp.
982
01:21:29,402 --> 01:21:31,863
But he also says that...
983
01:21:32,029 --> 01:21:35,783
you bonded with the band briefly.
984
01:21:39,829 --> 01:21:44,041
When school starts,
you're going to be on a very short leash.
985
01:21:44,292 --> 01:21:48,045
Remember, the Shermanator sees it all.
986
01:21:49,422 --> 01:21:50,673
Be gone.
987
01:21:55,636 --> 01:21:57,847
Did everybody hate my brother?
988
01:22:09,192 --> 01:22:12,778
August 21, 2005.
989
01:22:13,404 --> 01:22:15,781
Some progress made with Stiffy Junior.
990
01:22:16,199 --> 01:22:18,659
Behavior modification evident.
991
01:22:20,119 --> 01:22:21,829
Will continue to monitor.
992
01:22:22,497 --> 01:22:24,707
Shermanator out.
993
01:22:35,885 --> 01:22:38,346
A little "Double-D Sheree" action.
994
01:22:42,934 --> 01:22:44,811
Little bit of Dr. Robot.
995
01:22:46,646 --> 01:22:48,105
Crazy fucker.
996
01:23:56,340 --> 01:23:57,675
Hey, Stifler, where's your instrument?
997
01:23:57,758 --> 01:23:58,926
Dude, you're in the wrong uniform.
998
01:23:59,051 --> 01:24:01,846
Screw them, dude. They're gonna freak out
when they see the video.
999
01:24:01,929 --> 01:24:04,140
Look, we thought that if we had
an advance screening...
1000
01:24:04,223 --> 01:24:06,267
then everyone would see
that you're not really a dork.
1001
01:24:06,392 --> 01:24:08,769
I can't. It's gone.
1002
01:24:09,812 --> 01:24:12,982
- What?
- The video, man, I deleted it.
1003
01:24:13,983 --> 01:24:14,984
Why?
1004
01:24:15,943 --> 01:24:18,613
Guess little bro's quitting
the family business.
1005
01:24:18,696 --> 01:24:20,198
Are you kidding me?
1006
01:24:23,743 --> 01:24:25,620
He went fucking bandee on us.
1007
01:24:42,053 --> 01:24:43,596
Hey, what's up, guys?
1008
01:24:44,388 --> 01:24:46,349
You a dead man, motherfucker.
1009
01:24:47,141 --> 01:24:49,101
- You, too, little man.
- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
1010
01:24:49,477 --> 01:24:53,314
Dude, the purple puke was an accident.
Somebody switched the coolers.
1011
01:24:58,069 --> 01:25:00,279
Hey, that orange shit is janky, yo.
1012
01:25:00,988 --> 01:25:05,785
Chloe, we never saw Elyse,
you know, naked.
1013
01:25:06,577 --> 01:25:08,538
Matt turned off the computer.
1014
01:25:09,413 --> 01:25:11,958
So we're just supposed to forgive him now?
1015
01:25:13,084 --> 01:25:15,795
- He's still an asshole.
- You're right.
1016
01:25:16,796 --> 01:25:18,130
I am an asshole.
1017
01:25:18,548 --> 01:25:20,758
I can't take back spying on you...
1018
01:25:20,883 --> 01:25:23,261
and I can't win that Bandee Cup thing.
1019
01:25:23,386 --> 01:25:26,264
But I can help someone
get what she deserves.
1020
01:25:27,098 --> 01:25:29,225
I'm not asking you to forgive me.
1021
01:25:29,475 --> 01:25:32,019
Just help me help Elyse.
1022
01:25:42,989 --> 01:25:45,449
- I got the number.
- Go ahead.
1023
01:25:45,533 --> 01:25:49,036
555-0171.
1024
01:25:51,080 --> 01:25:53,833
He shouldn't have been dumping Ipecac
in anyone's cooler.
1025
01:25:53,916 --> 01:25:55,710
We could've won on our own.
1026
01:25:58,045 --> 01:26:02,341
I don't even care that he saw me on camera.
Well, I mean I do, but...
1027
01:26:03,426 --> 01:26:05,636
Honey, this just came for you.
1028
01:26:09,432 --> 01:26:10,892
It's from Robards.
1029
01:26:12,351 --> 01:26:13,603
What's it say?
1030
01:26:15,396 --> 01:26:17,940
Dr. Choi wants to meet with me?
1031
01:26:35,833 --> 01:26:37,793
- Okay.
- Okay.
1032
01:26:38,044 --> 01:26:39,921
- Okay.
- Okay.
1033
01:26:41,631 --> 01:26:42,715
Bye.
1034
01:26:58,940 --> 01:27:01,317
Hi. Elyse Houston.
1035
01:27:02,568 --> 01:27:05,321
I have an appointment with Dr. Choi.
1036
01:27:06,405 --> 01:27:09,992
- You're not in the book.
- No, there must be some mistake. See...
1037
01:27:11,953 --> 01:27:13,329
I have a letter.
1038
01:27:18,835 --> 01:27:20,711
This letter is, well...
1039
01:27:21,504 --> 01:27:22,672
It's a fake.
1040
01:27:23,214 --> 01:27:26,133
- This is not Dr. Choi's signature.
- What?
1041
01:27:39,355 --> 01:27:40,439
Stifler.
1042
01:27:44,277 --> 01:27:46,487
You son of a bitch.
1043
01:27:48,197 --> 01:27:52,577
What? It wasn't enough
for you to humiliate me at Band Camp?
1044
01:27:52,660 --> 01:27:55,329
Now you have to set me up here?
1045
01:28:15,766 --> 01:28:17,477
What's going on here?
1046
01:28:18,936 --> 01:28:20,396
This is my band.
1047
01:28:20,855 --> 01:28:22,732
And that's her music.
1048
01:29:21,040 --> 01:29:22,041
Well...
1049
01:29:22,667 --> 01:29:26,337
I've certainly seen some interesting attempts
to gain admission...
1050
01:29:27,046 --> 01:29:28,673
but this is a first.
1051
01:29:30,216 --> 01:29:34,428
Excellent audition, Miss. Houston.
Let's go discuss that scholarship.
1052
01:29:35,888 --> 01:29:37,348
I thought Brandon won.
1053
01:29:37,473 --> 01:29:40,810
No, Mr. Vandecamp
was disqualified for plagiarism.
1054
01:29:40,893 --> 01:29:41,978
All right.
1055
01:29:44,230 --> 01:29:46,274
That's what I'm talking about, yo.
1056
01:29:50,444 --> 01:29:52,822
Oh, my God, you guys, that was amazing.
1057
01:29:53,406 --> 01:29:57,451
- Thank you so much.
- Thank him. It was his idea.
1058
01:29:57,535 --> 01:29:58,536
Word.
1059
01:30:01,372 --> 01:30:04,959
- You planned all this?
- With some friends.
1060
01:30:07,920 --> 01:30:09,172
Come here.
1061
01:30:13,843 --> 01:30:16,220
Oh, I believe this is yours.
1062
01:30:17,638 --> 01:30:18,806
You know...
1063
01:30:19,515 --> 01:30:23,561
Picardo is a brand of piccolo.
1064
01:30:24,520 --> 01:30:26,814
You really are an asshole sometimes...
1065
01:30:27,273 --> 01:30:28,274
Stiffy.
1066
01:33:49,642 --> 01:33:51,435
Man, change the channel, yo.
1067
01:33:51,644 --> 01:33:54,647
Hook a brother up with some mad beats.
1068
01:33:54,939 --> 01:33:56,566
Will you cut that out?
1069
01:33:57,108 --> 01:33:59,235
Your name is James Hi Ping Chong.
1070
01:33:59,360 --> 01:34:00,987
Your dad owns a Chinese restaurant.
1071
01:34:01,112 --> 01:34:03,739
You live in the suburbs.
You ain't never gonna be a gangsta.
1072
01:34:04,365 --> 01:34:05,366
Damn!
1073
01:34:08,077 --> 01:34:09,162
That's cold, dawg.
83875
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