All language subtitles for the.orville.s01e01.dvdrip.x264-ouija

II

(beeps)

(door beeps)

(woman chuckles)

(woman laughing)

Oh, no.

Ed.

- Ed, wait, please, Ed.
-(squawk) -Nope, nope, nope.

- Ed, just listen to me for one second.
- Whatever you're gonna say,

- I don't want to hear it.
- Give me a minute.

- Let's just talk, please.
- Kel, there's nothing to talk about.

Yes, there is.
This was a mistake.

There's nothing
at all to talk about.

- I'm done.
- Just give me one minute, Ed.

- I'm done.
- Ed.

(sighing)

II

(door chimes)

Come in.

You wanted to see me, Admiral.

Ah, Ed.

Have a seat.

(door whooshes shut)

I have good news.

There's a ship available.

It's a mid-level craft.

The USS Orville.

It's not exactly
a heavy cruiser,

but it is an exploratory vessel.

And we're offering you command.

You're kidding.

Honestly, we would've
offered you a command earlier,

but you haven't really
inspired anyone

with all that much confidence
this past year.

I know, I ha...
I've had some personal stuff

that's been going on; it's not
really worth going into.

Can I have one of these mints?

Those are marbles.

Ed, I remember when
you were at Union Point.

You were at the top
of your class.

Your teachers all thought

you'd be captaining
a heavy cruiser before 40.

But this past year,
the-the... tardiness,

the sloppiness.

My God,
you've been put on report

for coming into work
hungover six times.

Look, the truth is,

you're nobody's first choice
for this job.

But we have 3,000 ships
to staff, and we need captains.

We're giving you
one last chance.

I just need to know
that you're ready.

Look, Admiral,
ever since I was a kid,

I have wanted to serve
on an exploratory vessel.

And for you to put me
in the captain's chair...

yes, I'm-I'm ready.

- You can count on me.
- Good to hear.

Now, the Orville has
a nearly-full crew complement.

Her previous captain
retired this month.

But she's still short
a helmsman and a first officer.

We're waiting for an XO
to become available.

Well, you know, I can get you
the best helmsman in the fleet.

You mean Lieutenant Malloy.

I'm aware you two are friends.

Look, I-l know

Gordon has his issues,
but we all know there's nobody

who can drive a starship
like him.

Didn't he once draw a penis

on the main viewing screen
of outpost T85?

He's drawn a lot of penises on
a lot of things, but, Admiral,

if you were caught
in an ion storm,

who would you want at the helm?

Well, if you think
you can keep him focused,

it's your ship, Captain Mercer.

-(beeP)
_(gruntin9)

(metal clanking, ogre growling)

(both bellow)

_ 'Ah!
(Ogre

Oh, hey, Ed.

(both grunting)

Ah! Hey, give me one sec.

- What's going on here?
- Oh, this is a program lwrote

where you can battle an ogre
in a samurai village.

It's pretty cool, right?

- Yeah.
- Yeah. He's a badass fighter,

but I gave him
a really neat personality.

Hey, dude, this is my buddy Ed.

- Hey, Ed, nice to meet you. I'm Justin.
- How are you?

Oh, great, super, always.

Oh, it's such a treat to meet
one of Gordon's friends.

- So, what's going on?
- Gordon, I got a ship.

No... freaking... way!

The Orville,
mid-level exploratory,

and she needs a helmsman.

- Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Are you serious?
- Are you ready?

Dude, I was born ready.

- This is crazy. Holy crap.
-(laughs)

Justin, we got a ship.

I am so excited
for you guys right now.

I mean, do you just feel,
like, so blessed?

- We'll take a shuttle up at 0900.
- Sweet.

- Oh, hey, Justin, you got a
ladybug on you. - Oh, neat.

(shouts)

MALE AUTOMATED VOICE:
You win!

Nice.

So, how many ships
in the fleet these days?

About 3,000, spread over
the whole quadrant, which,

when you think about the size of
the galaxy, is actually not...

- What is that? Is that a beer?
- Yeah.

- You're drinking a beer?
- Yeah, I'm nervous.

You know, it's a new ship,
want to make a good impression.

- It's 9:15 in the morning. Give it to me.
- No.

- Give me that right... You can't have that
when we dock. - No. Dude, it's-it's one beer.

- What, are you worried we're gonna crash?
- I'm worried about my job.

- Oh, no. - All right, I'm worried...
This is very important to me.

- Oh, boy.
- What are you doing?

- Oh, I hope we don't crash.
- What are you doing?

- Stop. Gordon, stop it. Knock...
- Whoa. This is like...

Gordon, knock it off right now.
This is not safe.

- I realize I was just wasted.
- This is not funny or safe.

- Knoc:k it off right now.
- This is, like, my first beer ever,

-and the sensations are all new to me.
- I'm literally ordering you

-to stop. Take your...
- I hope we don't...

Sorry.

(woman speaks indistinctly
over comm)

I'm good.

LS that it?

- It's not bad, right?
- No, it's good.

You paint some flames
on the side, maybe

like a rainbow unicorn,
you got something.

Take us in.

II

ED:
So, to sum up,

I just want to say I am thrilled
to be your new captain.

I want this to be
an efficient ship, tightly run,

but also one that you're glad
to be serving on.

Everyone but the senior officers
is dismissed.

(crew murmuring)

AUTOMATED FEMALE VOICE:
Orville engineering crew,

-continue launch prep.
-(door opens and closes)

All right,
Lieutenant Alara Kitan,

our chief of security.

Yes, sir.

You' re Kenyan, fight'!?

- I am, sir.
- Wait.

Don't you guys have,
like, super strength?

Xelaya's gravitational pull
is high

compared
to the planetary average,

so, yes,
in Earth normal gravity,

my physical strength
is elevated.

Lieutenant, how old are you?

-23.
- You're 23, and you're chief

of security on a starship?

Xelayans don't usually
join the military,

so when one of us does, the
Union generally fast-tracks us.

Well, I'm-I'm sure
they know what they're doing.

Sir, I-l know I'm not

as experienced
as you were expecting,

but you can count on me.

I hope so. Lieutenant
John Lamarr, our navigator.

How's it going, John?

Eh, it's going, man.
How's it going with you?

It's going good.
It says here

you're a level-eight
helmsman, too.

- That's pretty impressive.
- Yeah, that-that's right.

Uh, so, our last captain
let us have soda

on the bridge
while we were working,

and I just want to make sure
that's still okay.

Uh, yeah, if you keep it
below the equipment

and don't spill any, sure.

Oh, dig it. Boom.

All right, uh,
Lieutenant Commander Bortus,

our second officer.

You know, I've never met
a single-gender species before.

Your entire species
is male, isn't it?

That is correct, sir.

So, there's probably not
a lot of arguments about...

-leaving the toilet seat up and
that kind of thing, right? - No.

Moclans urinate
only once per year.

Really? That's...

Me, I'm-I'm up two,
three times a night.

That is unfortunate.

It is.

Dr. Claire Finn.

You're my chief
medical officer, yes?

Yes, sir, I am.
Welcome aboard.

Your credentials
are exceptional.

Molecular surgery,
DNA engineering,

psychiatry. You could be
posted on a heavy cruiser.

What are you doing
on the Orville?

I always request my transfers

based on where I think
I'm needed.

I feel more stimulated that way.

And so what made you
request this ship?

Well, this is
your first command, and

I think you could use my help.

So you think I might screw up.

No, sir, I didn't say that, sir.

Well, no, but you implied
that you don't think

I have the balls to do this job.

Well, lam your doctor, sir,

and if your balls are under par,
I'll know.

(chuckles)
All right.

And, finally, Isaac,

our science and
engineering officer,

hailing from Kaylon 1.

Affirmative, sir.

You know, I got to tell you,
I was surprised

to see any Kaylon serving
in the fleet.

Aren't you guys
legendarily racist?

My planet regards humans
and other biological life-forms

as inferior,
if that is your inference.

Oh, that's great.
Thanks.

You are welcome.

So what are you doing
on a Union ship?

Your fleefs admiralty
offered a posting

to any Kaylon willing to take it

as an effort to
initiate relations

between Kaylon
and the Union.

We accepted.

I was chosen to
represent my planet.

I see it as an ideal opportunity
to study human behavior.

Well, we'll, uh... we'll
try not to bore you.

You will find me
to be your most capable officer.

All right, everybody settle in.

We ship out this afternoon.

(knock on door)

Hey, what's up?

Hey, man, come on in.

Figured I'd introduce myself
since we're gonna be working

full shifts together.

Translation: you want to
make sure I'm not ajerk.

Something like that.

Dude, I'm such a jerk,
it's ridiculous.

Okay, well, so am I,
so this is gonna work out great.

- Gordon Malloy.
- John Lamarr.

Cool.

So, I heard you've been out
of commission for a minute.

Well, not out of commission,
but, uh,

-definitely kept on desk duty.
- Well, what'd you do?

I mean, your piloting skills
are kind of legendary.

How'd you get suspended?

I let my cousin shoot a porno

in the back of a shuttle
in exchange for some pills.

W-Wait. No. R-Really?

(laughs):
Man, look at your face.

No, no, no, I did a-l did
a manual override

on a tricky shuttle docking

and sheared off
a cargo bay door.

Yeah, nobody was hurt,
but 300 crates

of authentic autumn squash
were sucked into space.

Well, that's a lot
of damn squash.

Yeah. I was trying
to impress a girl.

Ah, I can respect that.

Needless to say it didn't
go over too well.

If it weren't for Ed,
I probably wouldn't

be back at the helm for a lot
longer than this, if ever.

Well, just steer with your head
from now on,

and you'll be okay.

Yeah.

See you on the bridge.

HALSEY: I wish I could give you
something more exciting

for your maiden voyage,
but it's pretty straightfowvard.

You'll be delivering supplies

to the science station
on Epsilon 2.

Hey, sir, I'm not
complaining.

It'll be great
just to be out there.

Uh, is there any word yet
on a first officer?

I should have an update
in a few hours.

Sounds like you won't have
to wait much longer.

Safe travels, Captain.

Captain.

Captain, we've received
the green light

from dockyard tower, and
we're cleared for departure.

Tell them we're good to go.

Lieutenant Malloy, take us out.

Aye, sir.
Departing dockyard.

II

II

Dockyard perimeter cleared.

Set course for Epsilon
and engage quantum drive.

Course set, drive engaged.

ETA: 19 hours, 51 minutes.

I've never been to
the Epsilon Science Station.

- What's it like?
- BORTUS: Epsilon 2 is an outpost

devoted exclusively
to scientific inquiry.

ED:
Researchers

from all over the galaxy
petition to work there.

Really? Wow.

Any good bars?

I will investigate.

No, Bortus, you don't have
to investigate that.

I have already obtained
the information.

- Oh.
- Shall I withhold it?

No, you can tell us.

There are no bars.

How about strip clubs?

- Gordon.
- Sorry.

There are no strip clubs.

Captain, there's a message
coming in

from Admiral Halsey.

It says that
an executive officer

has become available
and can rendezvous

with the Orville
at station 794.

That's great.
That's barely out of our way.

Who is it?

He wants me to forward it
to you privately.

All right, send it
to my station.

No.

No, no, no, no,
"0. no, no, no, no.

- What's the matter?
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

NO, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Ah, crap!
sorry' ma", YOU okay?

Yeah, it's all good, man.
You okay?

- Yeah, all good. Sorry.
- All right, no worries.

Calm down, Ed, and be
professional about this.

Oh, please,
there is nothing at all

professional
about this situation.

Okay, this is my ex-wife,

who I have not seen
since my divorce

a year ago after I walked in on
her banging a Retepsian.

I know this isn't ideal,

but she's the only qualified
X0 available.

And the staff profile
compatibility program

indicated your skill sets
complement hers.

Oh, it did? See if your
compatibility program

can get blue
out of a white lampshade.

Ed, you need
to calm yourself here.

God, I can't even believe
this is happening.

Look, she is the only
current option,

and if you make a stink
about an X0 assignment

one day
into your first command,

with your record,

it's not gonna look good.

And you're telling me
she's okay with this?

Ed, she requested it.

(console beeps)

Sir, Shuttle Bay reports

the XO's shuttle has docked.

Can you tell her to come
straight to my office?

Aye, sir.

The captain does not
appear to be pleased

at the arrival
of his first officer.

Why is this?

'Cause she's a total bitch.

Do you know her?

Oh, yeah.
They were married.

No way.

- She cheated on him.
- Aw, damn, that's cold.

Yeah, so this should be
a really fun trip for all of us.

Your description
of the occurrence

indicates unpleasantness,

yet you believe it will be fun.

I was being sarcastic.
It's gonna suck.

- Suc:k?
- Yeah, suck. You know, like, ass, balls.

What he means is,
if you don't already drink,

you should probably start.

Perhaps we should not
be talking about this.

Oh, no, no, no, we're,
we're talking about this.

It does not seem
appropriate.

Oh, no, we're definitely
talking about it.

Th-Th-This is a thing.

(door chimes)

(sighs)
Come in.

Hi.

Hi.

Can I come in?

It's a nice office.

Thank you.

Did you pick out the furniture?

You know, I didn't,
but if you're really

interested in the furniture,
I'd be happy to get

all the information
I can about it.

I could have somebody
compile a full report

and have it sent to your
quarters this afternoon.

Maybe you'd find something nice
for your new apartment.

Are you all finished?

Well, you know, lthought I was,

but, apparently, you're not.

Ed...

I can't apologize enough.

I know it doesn't
matter to you,

but I-l am sorrier
for what I did to you

than anything I've ever
done in my entire life.

You know, I've done

a pretty good job
getting over all this

in the past year,

and I'm over it,
so why don't you tell me

what the hell you're doing here?

I heard about
your promotion.

I also heard there was
no XO available,

and you know how the
fleet admirals are.

They don't like to see a captain
on his own for too long.

And I figured
I'd wronged you so badly

that if there was something
good I could do for you,

it'd help me atone in some way.

So I requested a transfer.

I literally bailed on my own
crewmates to come here.

Well, you bailed
on a whole marriage,

so I imagine that was
a piece of cake for you, huh?

Ed, look, I'm not saying
what I did wasn't disgraceful,

but I only did it
because I didn't have you.

(laughs): There it is.
How long did that take you?

- How many minutes into this conversation?
- You were working nonstop.

Okay, there were entire days

- I wouldn't see you.
- Yeah, I was working for us,

Kelly, for you and I.
That... You know this.

I didn't ask you to do that.

Okay? Y-You just shut off
from our relationship.

L-I didn't know
how to handle it.

So you banged Papa Smurf
in our bed.

- That's one way to handle it.
- Darulio was there when you weren't.

And you know how
many times I tried

to talk to you, but you just
kept putting me off?

Whe-When did you try
to talk to me?

- So many times.
- Where it wasn't, like, an insidious,

: subtle, sarcastic...
: Either you weren't hearing me

or you weren't around
at all, but I did try.

I was the one who suggested
couples counseling.

Couples counseling?

The therapist was
your brother-in-law.

Look, this-- okay-- this ship

is what I've been waiting for
my entire career.

My entire life.

So why are you doing this to me?

As soon as another XO
becomes available,

I'll be the one
to request a transfer.

(door whooshes open)

Whoa, hey.

Hi there.

I was just on my
way to the john.

Well, I'm-I'm glad
I bumped into you.

Do you have a second?

Sure. I can hold it.

- Okay. Gordon, I just want to make sure...
- You know what?

You should probably
call me Lieutenant Malloy,

seeing as how you're
my boss now... sir.

Right. Lieutenant.

I just want to make sure that

everything's all right
between us.

I mean, I'm assuming that
you and Ed are still close.

Yeah.

Yeah, and...

what happened between Ed and I,
that-- it was a mistake.

A big one.
And, um,

I guess I just want to know
that you're gonna be okay

taking orders from me.

Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, no, no.

I'm a professional,
don't worry about that.

That's good to hear.

Actually, the folks
up on the bridge

were asking
about you earlier,

and I was telling them
you're actually

-a really cool person.
- Really?

I kind of primed the pump
for you up there, you know.

All good vibes.

That's very magnanimous of you.

L 90f you.
I 90f you.

(sighs)

So, um, permission to pee?

Oh. (chuckles):
Granted, yes.

Sweet, sweet.

Hey, I'm gonna go look up
what "magnanimous" means.

Great.
Great.

I mean, pee first, though.

Priorities.

(laughing):
You know it.

II

Entering orbit of Epsilon 2.

Lieutenant Kitan,

signal them we're ready.

ALARA:
Aye, Commander.

Man, you could cut
the tension with a knife.

Do not make eye contact.

Orville to Epsilon
Science Station.

We're here and ready
to bring down supplies.

Orville, this is Dr. Aronov.

I am chief of this facility.

May I speak to your captain?

Put him on the viewer.

Dr. Aronov, this is
Captain Ed Mercer.

We're about to start
sending down your supplies.

Actually, Captain,
we-we don't need any supplies.

I-I don't understand.

You requested these
supplies yourself, yeah?

I did.

I'm sorry.

H wouldn't have lied
unless I had to.

Please, come down
to the surface.

I will explain everything.

This is really strange.

Yeah, it's a great way
to start things off.

Bonus, you have the conn.

Lieutenant, you're with us.

You see that dog
in the background

licking his balls?

First thing I saw.

MAN (on P.A.): Prepare for
Orville shuttle arrival, Bay 3.

Captain Mercer.

Welcome to Epsilon 2.

- Thank you for coming.
- Dr. Aronov.

- This is my security chief, Alara Kitan.
- Hi.

- My chief medical officer, Claire Finn.
- Pleasure.

And my ex-wife, Kelly Grayson.

I'm his first officer.

Ah.

But if any of your research team

needs an artless,
jabby-nail shoulder massage,

she's the best there is.

Doctor, you want to tell us
why you falsely diverted

a starship on active duty?

You know you could
do time for that.

We need protection.

Protection from what?

The Krill.

There have been no Krill
ships sighted in this area.

Come inside. I'll explain.

(indistinct voice
over P.A. system)

Wow. No wonder
they call this place

the scientists' playground.

Incredible, isn't it?
Yeah.

Here. Follow me through
the botany lab.

We're doing genetic research
and development here

that will change
the face of the galaxy.

(shouts)

(chirping)

Is that one of your projects?

No, no, that's Dr. Jorvik,
our chief botanist.

Keep up, please.

What sort of research
are you doing here?

Oh, well, uh...

this is a redwood seed.

- Looks pretty ordinary, yes?
- KELLY: Sure.

Well, this seed has been
genetically engineered

with ta rd ig rade DNA,

which means it can survive
and grow in anything.

Rock, metal, sand.

It can exist a hundred
years without water.

You can toss this seed in
the middle of the Sahara,

and in a century you'll
have a towering redwood.

That's really impressive.

And as a bonus, a healthy snack.

Here, try some.

(Mercer sighs)

Yeah, it's very tasty.

Listen, Dr. Aronov,
why are we here?

I couldn't tell you the real
reason we needed a Union ship

because I couldn't risk

divulging the information
over open communications.

This way.

(sighs)

This is Janice Lee, one of our
most brilliant young physicists.

- Hello.
- Hi.

Janice has been experimenting
with temporal fields

and has made--
well, a breakthrough

would be an understatement.

So, it's an anti-banana ray?

It's really interesting.

We need no longer
fear the banana.

- Does it work on all fruit?
- What about salads?

Do you understand what happened
to this banana?

It's rotten

because a month has passed.

Since we got here? Yeah,
that's what it feels like.

LEE:
Captain Mercer,

this banana is suspended
in a quantum bubble

that can be adjusted
to accelerate time.

Out here only a few
moments have passed.

Inside the bubble, it's
a month in the future.

Does it work in
both directions?

Like, could somebody use it
to go backward in time

and tell their younger self

not to make
a terrible life decision?

Hey, will you give it a rest
for, like, five minutes?

- No, I didn't mean that-that...
- I know what you meant.

No, I just meant,
like, tell yourself

not to break your leg
in that fall

or don't eat too many carbs

or-or don't get married,
but is that how it works?

No, the field
can only accelerate

the forward pace of time.

Captain...

we have figured out a way

to use quantum field technology

to manipulate
the speed of events.

CLAIRE: Sir, I've read
about this hypothetical.

Quantum field manipulation
of the flow of time

is theoretically possible.

Wait, so... so you're serious?

- My God.
- ARONOV: Think of the benefits.

Entire crops grown
in the blink of an eye.

Starving populations

supplied with limitless
amounts of food overnight.

Life-threatening wounds
healed...

-(snaps fingers) -...instantly.
Or entire armies

reduced to frail elders
instantly.

You do realize this could
also be used as a weapon.

That's why you're here.

We couldn't risk sending
word to the Union fleet

about what we'd discovered.

If the Krill intercepted it,

they could've been here
long before you.

Well, we're only one ship,
and not a big one,

so we better get help.

How fast does the field
of acceleration go?

How would you like to see
a 100-year-old banana?

Watch this.

Mercer to Bonus.

Bonus here, sh'.

Get a coded message
to Union Central

that Epsilon 2 is
in possession of a...

Put down that
comscanner, Captain.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What
is this? What's going on?

Put down that comscanner

and drop all your
weapons now.

Listen, I don't know
what you're trying to...

Okay, okay, relax.

Move.

ARONOV: Derek, what
the hell are you doing?

(whispering):
Oh, of course it's a Derek.

Who is this man?

Derek Ashton,
he's a lab technician.

He's been here over a year.

I don't understand this.
Explain yourself.

Ashton to Krill vessel.
It's time.

Derek, listen to me.
Don't do this.

Back off!

(screaming)

- Back off! Back off.
- Look, you...

Stay back!
Stay where you are.

Bonus to Captain Mercer.

We've just detected

a Krill destroyer
entering orbit.

Raise deflector screens.

Deflector screens up.

Two Krill shuttles
are heading for the surface.

Captain, there are Krill
soldiers heading down to you.

Captain.

God, there's no way

we're gonna be out
by 5:00 today, are we?

BORTUS".
Captain. Do you read?

ASHTON:
Answer him.

Tell him the Krill
come in peace

-and to stand down all weapons.
- They won't believe me.

- Do it!
- Listen, I...

- Do it now!
- Okay.

BORTUS". Captain, do you read?
Please respond.

Say something!

Mercer to Bonus.

The Krill are here in peace.
Uh...

They just came down for...

The lab is having a pizza party
and the Krill are invited.

- Oh, man, can we go?
- Oh, Bortus, can we please go down there?

Did you say...

a pizza party?

It's for office birthdays.

Lot of September
birthdays down here.

(grunts)

Alara, good work.

Bortus, the Krill
are here to attack.

Keep the weapons charged
and the deflectors up

until we can get to you.

There is no pizza party.
I repeat,

there is no pizza party.

She's dead.

- My God, she must be over 125 years old.
- Dr. Aronov,

we have to get the device back
to the Orville. What do we need?

Detach the main generator
and grab the controller device.

(soldier speaking Krill)

BORTUS:
Orville to Krill ship.

Call off your attack on the
surface or we will respond.

The Krill are powering weapons.

Deflectors are
at two-thirds power.

Return fire.

(speaks Krill)

Back, back, back, back, back.

(people shouting)

Doc, is there another way
out of here?

There's an old
loading conduit,

but it's across the atrium.

We're gonna have
to sprint for it.

- All right, get ready.
- Doc, stay behind Alara.

Which one's Alara?

Oh, I'm Alara.

Sorry, still learning names.

Now.

(shouts)

(grunts)

(grunts)

(beeping)

Kavaska!

Deflectors at half power.

Sir, I think I can
buy us some time

till we can get the landing
party back. Let me wing it here?

Proceed.

This is something I call
"hugging the donkey."

You can hug the donkey?

Dude, I've been hugging the
donkey since flight school.

(whooping, laughing)

Round and round she goes!

Ha, ha!

It's dead.

(grunts)

Door's jammed.

Alara. You want to open
this jar of pickles for me?

(grunts)

I loosened it for you.

(growls)

Alara, get the device
back to the shuttle.

- We'll cover you.
- Got it.

(panting)

Okay.

(weapons firing in distance)

(whirring)

(growls)

(9 FOans)

Everybody, strap in.

Shuttle to Orville,
we're on our way.

Captain, let me see
that shoulder.

- Does it hurt?
- Yeah, it hurts like hell.

That means it's not that bad.

What are you talking about,
Kelly?

I literally just said
it hurts like hell.

When he's really in pain,
he gives straight answers

with no cussing.

He's just hoping
you give him drugs.

That's a bunch of crap, Kelly.
I'm in real pain here.

I... why, do you have drugs
on, on...? Did you...?

Everything's on the ship.

Approaching ionosphere,
adjusting attitude.

Mercer to Bonus.

Are you gonna be able
to cut the deflectors

long enough for us
to get through?

BORTUS".
It may not matter, sir.

The deflectors are almost gone.

Oh, boy, that can't be good.

They won't fire on us.
They know we have the device.

Give me the device.

Give me the device,

and perhaps I will not harm you.

(quietly):
All right, he's got a gun.

But we have something better.

What?

Seat belts.

(shouts)

Deflectors are depleted.

That was a piece
of the upper engine!

We've lost helm control!

Mercer to Orville,
we've lost navigational control

and we're about 12 seconds
away from hitting you

-like a bug on a windshield.
- Lieutenant,

can you align the shuttle bay
doors with their trajectory?

Sir, even if I was
the best helmsman in the galaxy,

that's virtually impossible.

If you can hug the donkey,

you can do this.

Come on, man, you got this.

You can do it.

It's like threading a needle
in a hurricane, but I'll try.

(laughter, cheering)

- Yes. -(whoops)
-(exhales sharply)

Well done, Lieutenant.

Sir, since I pulled that off,

can I please wear
shorts to work?

I've already said no.
Return fire.

Secure that Krill!

KRILL COMMANDER:
Union vessel, surrender

and prepare to be boarded.

Upper and middle engines
are gone, Captain.

- I have failed you.
- Ship's in one piece, Bortus.

I couldn't have done better.
Isaac.

If I can buy us some time,

can you restore enough power
to the lower engine

to get us out of here?

- I can try, sir.
- Do it.

Alara, hail the commander
of the Krill ship.

Captain,
he's already signaling us.

Put him on.

Krill Commander,

this is Captain Ed Mercer.

Break off your attack,
and we can talk.

Give me the device, human,

or I will destroy your ship.

Sorry, can you,
can you move, like,

-two steps to your right?
- What?

Just like a little,
t-tiny bit...

It's just a lot of dead
space there, just...

Yeah, just right th...
Perfect. Yeah, sorry,

you were just
very weirdly framed,

it was all I could focus on.

Anyway, what is it you want?

You know what I want.

Sorry, right, yeah, sorry.
I'm a little distracted lately.

I just got out
of a rough marriage,

and it's been a difficult time.

- My wife had an affair...
- Oh, my God.

Are you really bringing
this up right now?

I'm trying to keep him talking,
so I can buy us some time.

Oh, okay. In that case,
you know what?

You're an objective third party.

Are you married?

What?

Oh, my God, you're ac...

you're bringing him into our...

No, I'm just
buying us some time.

Let me ask you something.

Do you make an effort to balance

your career with your home life?

A marriage is work.

It takes work, right?
Compromise.

On both sides, yes.

And if you didn't
make that effort,

would you be surprised
if your wife

sought comfort in
the arms of another?

No, that would be selfish.

"No, that would be
Yeah, yeah,

'cause both of you
are complete friggin' saints.

You know what? I don't have
to sit here and listen...

'(explosion)
- Enough_/

Emergency power.

You have 20 seconds
to give me the device,

or you will die.

Isaac, what about that engine?

Still only
at partial power, sir.

Alara, put the Krill on hold.

I have an idea.

What is it?

Let's give him the device.

What?
Dr. Aronov,

can you preset
the field to fire up

at a specific
intensity the moment

the Krill activate it?

I think so, but why?

And the field can accelerate
time a hundred years.

- Correct?
- Yes, it can.

About how long it takes
a redwood to grow.

Alara, put him back on.

All right, Commander, you win.

We'll send you the device
by remote shuttle.

When you receive it,

we'll transmit
the activation code.

Do not take long.

We won't.

Maybe she's not such a bitch.

State-of-the-art weaponry on
this ship and we're using glue.

My favorite part
of being a fleet officer.

The arts and crafts.

You know, if we had time,

I'd make a macaroni
man to put on here.

You can make a macaroni man?

I make really good macaroni men.

All right, let's get
her out of here.

The shuttle is aboard
the Krill ship.

Signal them.

All right, Commander.
You have it.

Excellent. Now,

give me the activation code.

The code is six, alpha, nine,
three, seven,

alpha, three, zero, zero.

(beeping)

Happy Arbor Day.

Wait. What's Arbor Day?

It's the holiday
where you plant the trees.

- I wouldn't have got that.
- Oh, yeah. No, I didn't get that, either.

You knew what Arbor Day was,
right?

I mean, actually,
I had to think a second.

Kind of confusing.

Nobody knows what Arbor Day is.

- BORTUSI No.
- ALARAI No.

- I knew. - BORTUS: I do not.

What would you have said?

I would've said,

"You got wood."

-(laughter) - GORDON: Yeah.

Yes.

Yeah, that is better, isn't it?

(door chimes)

Come in.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I didn't want to bother you
unless I had to.

You've kind of kept to yourself
these last few days.

Yeah, the admirals want a full
report on the Epsilon 2 stuff,

so it's just taking a while.

Yeah, you need some help?

No, I got it.

So, um, I just wanted
to tell you

-(whirring, clicking) -that
Lieutenant Commander Murphy...

Sorry.

Excuse me.
Can you... just...

Just not now.

No, just... we're talking.
We're t...

Yes. Good, you got it, good.

Okay.

Lieutenant Commander Murphy
of the USS...

-(whirring, clicking)
- Oh, my God.

Just come back I...
just do it later. Thank you.

Just not now,
we're having a conversation.

Thank... Yes. Thank you.
Good. Thumbs up. Okay.

Sorry, go ahead.

Lieutenant Commander Murphy

of the USS Chanute
just got promoted.

So now he's eligible
for a first officer position.

And he's a friend of mine.

So I told him
he could have this posting.

He's a great guy,
you're gonna love him,

and I'll be out of your hair
by the end of the day.

Okay.

Okay.

Wait.

I never really said thank you
for what you did.

You saved the ship.

I was just doing my job.

You were always better at
solving my problems than I was.

You were
always wise.

Well...
thank you for saying that.

Kelly.

I'm asking you to stay.

Really?

You're one hell of an XO,

and I think you'd make
a fine addition to this crew.

A-And you're not concerned

about the other stuff?

We'll figure it out.

Welcome to the Orville,

Commander Grayson.

(door chimes)

Come in.

Commander Grayson, have a seat.

I can't stay long.

I just wanted to say thank you.

For trusting me.

Your father and I were close.
lowed him one.

Regardless, it looks like
you were right about Ed.

You made a hell of a plea
for us to give him that command.

Honestly, I don't think
we would've done it othewvise.

I know.

But he's a smart officer who
just had a little rough patch.

Does he know?

No.

And I plan on keeping it
that way.

Well... he's lucky
to have you on his side.

Thank you.

Take care, Admiral.

(door whooshes open)