Original subtitles

Good morning, Blush. The temperature is a delightful 51 degrees.

Do you hear that voice, too?

Yeah, that's Jack's new intercom.

No, the voice of my father mocking me for the way I throw a football.

Stop it, Daddy.

Can you believe Jack?

He's wasting our time with this stupid dribble. And our employee of the day is

Elliot DeMauro. Hi!

This month's blush birthdays are Justin McComiskey, who turns 22,

Tyler Garland, who turns 36, and Nina Van Horn, who turns...

Hey, I just saw Vicki and her husband down in the lobby. I guess they're back

together.

Pete's here? Oh, my God.

What's wrong?

Oh, no, I am not going to tell you. The last time I shared something with you,

you embarrassed me in front of the whole office.

All right, that was an honest misunderstanding. I misheard you.

Elliot and I were taking a pottery class. I clearly said I liked the shape

his bowels.

Come on, you can trust me.

That might make you feel better to talk about it.

Well, actually, you might be the one person who would understand this.

But no judgments, and you've got to keep it quiet. No judgments.

I slept with Pete.

You whore!

You said no judgments!

Oh, come on! First you obsess over Elliot's bowls, and now this? I mean,

not exactly wearing white at the wedding, are you?

He and Vicki were separated. I ended up comforting him.

In the firehouse.

In the nude.

Over and over and over again.

Twice? Uh -huh.

But I didn't mean for it to happen.

There's just something about that damn fireman that I can't resist.

Hey, guys.

Hey, Pete.

Hey, Maya.

You look good.

As do you, Pete. Very clean.

Hey, will you give me a second? I'll meet you in my new office.

Yes.

So me and Pete back together, it's pretty weird, huh? What are you accusing

of?

Nothing. No, I just want to say thank you, Maya, because if it weren't for

I never would have given him a second chance.

I can't take it. I can't take the guilt. I'm going to have to tell her.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't, don't. Trust me.

A friend never wants to know that you've slept with her husband, or her son, for

that matter.

Just be smart. Keep your mouth shut and pretend this never happened.

You're right.

It's going to be kind of awkward with him in the office.

How do you handle it when you're around someone you've slept with?

Oh, that's simple. You just give a pleasant hello and keep on walking.

Okay.

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Hola.

frowns on that.

I know, I know. I read your pamphlet.

Why did I buy a car? I've been driving around for hours trying to find a place

to park.

There's plenty of parking in heaven.

And it's all valet.

Dennis, where the hell have you been and where's my breakfast?

Sorry, Jack. It's coming. It won't happen again.

I need a regular parking spot.

I need one of the blush spaces downstairs.

Those are for executives.

Yeah, give me that job application.

What are you doing?

You smell of sin.

Jack's about to hire a new executive.

I need a name.

Johnny Nose and Glasses.

Weirdo McScare's kids?

Where are my berries and toast?

Barry Toastman?

Yeah, he's the new junior exec in procurement.

Procurement? Mm -hmm. So we lost Hanrahan. Yeah, yeah, we did.

Hang on a second.

Hey, Hanrahan, you suck. Jack says you're fired. Beat it.

Anyway, sorry about that. It's just signed on the bottom.

And I'll get Toastman, his elevator card, his locker, his parking space,

blah, blah.

I'd like to meet him.

You can't.

You can't. He's out sick.

He's getting his treatment.

Treatment? Is he contagious?

I'm not a doctor.

Well, have Kevin lick his coffee cup just to be sure.

and I need you to come. I can't.

I didn't even tell you. I'm busy.

Is something wrong? You're acting kind of weird.

I'm not weird.

You're the one who's weird with your lipstick and your tiny hat. What's that

about?

Oh, come on. Quit screwing around. It'll take two seconds. Come on.

What's up with Maya?

Oh, I can't tell you what it is because it's a secret.

You can't keep a secret.

Yes, I can. I've changed.

All right, I respect that. Well, good.

Because Maya has trusted me with a confidence, and I cannot betray that. I

wouldn't ask you to.

Well, good.

All right, she slept with Pete. Let's just leave it at that.

Hey, Maya's going to help us hang the pictures.

Oh, I can handle it.

Guys, they don't want to think all they want to do is nail something, huh?

Okay, go hold them up against the wall.

Maya, move right next to Pete.

You know what?

Hold yours directly over Pete's.

You know what?

I think I want to reverse them.

like it like that, Maya?

Oh, my God, that was mine. I'm so sorry.

It's all right. Oh, here.

Here, I'll do it.

You do it.

Oh, sweetie, no. You're just going to make it worse. Take off your shirt and

I'll go rinse it out. That's fine. I don't want to take off my shirt. Oh, no.

Pete's so hot. If he takes off his shirt, we're all going to throw

him. Right, Maya?

Throw ourselves at him because he's so hot.

Okay, I'll be right back.

Hi. Hi.

You know, it's cool.

I'm so cool because, you know, we're adults and we're going to see each other

and...

We'll just pretend like nothing ever happened.

I still have feelings for you.

What?

I can't help it.

I thought I wanted Vicky, but then I saw you, and all these emotions started

rushing through me.

My heart, it's going, Mamaya, Mamaya, Mamaya.

No, it should be going, Vicky, Vicky, Vicky.

I can't make it say what it doesn't want to say.

Pete, you're confused.

With the weak lighting and the new carpet scent, it's a very sexual outfit.

I know it sounds crazy, but I think I want to be with you, Maya.

No, you're with your wife.

I have standards. I have morals.

I am a good girl.

By the way, I might have left my panties on the CPR dummy and I'd like them

back.

You know, I'm a little cheesed off with this Toastman.

I tried to reach him three times for a little meet and greet and no reply.

Jack, that is not cool.

No, it's not. It's totally whack.

My cable is stuck on MTV.

In any case, I know Toastman is sick, but he really should try to call me.

That fool be tripping.

Anyway, this came for you.

Oh.

Dear Mr. Gallo, I'm so sorry that my condition is delayed on meeting. Please

accept my apologies.

Sincerely, Barry Toastman.

Holy cow, 25 -year -old Scotch. The guy's a treasure.

Hey, sorry I'm late. I had to run down and get some nasal spray. I've got the

sniffles.

Barry Toastman is in the field with cupular disorder, and you're talking to

about sniffles?

Cup of what now?

Oh, that's good. Mbok, a sick man. Give me the spray.

What? You don't deserve 8 to 12 hours of nasal relief.

What's up with him and this Barry Toastman guy? You know Jack. He'll get

it.

Attention. I've changed my mind. The new employee of the day is Barry Toastman.

What did I do?

And who took my tuna sandwich?

Oh, Toastman ate that.

Why do you have tuna breath?

I had to give Toastman mouth -to -mouth.

This is a scam. I don't buy it for a second.

True.

He got a kink in his cacular valve.

So I just told him flat out, you're with your wife now. It's not going to

happen. I mean, like, I totally shut him down.

No, Maya, I am proud of you.

Pete just dumped me.

Out of the blue, the son of a bitch dumped me. What the hell happened?

Maybe it's another woman.

Or maybe you're just not that good in bed.

He begged me to take him back, and then he turns around and tells me that it's

over. Oh, my God. Did he give you a reason?

There's something about his heart talking. What the hell does that mean?

Wow, that makes no sense. And like you, I'm completely in the dark.

I bet it is another woman. And when I find her, I am going to break her in

Hey, Maya, these just came for you.

Who are those from?

Um, they're from my elderly female neighbor.

I'm house -sitting her cat.

She likes me to drink with her cat.

And eat delicious chocolates.

The cat doesn't eat them, he just plays with the wrappers.

They are fun.

Crinkle, crinkle, crinkle.

You know, I'm going to call Pete's friends and find out who this woman is.

What do you want to bet he took her to the firehouse?

One million...

What's wrong with him? Vicki is going to find out, and she is going to kill me.

Oh, you're just being paranoid. She's not going to find out. Hey, Maya, I hear

you and Pete did the old hook and ladder down at the firehouse.

You told Elliot?

I may have let it slip just a little bit, but, you know, to Elliot, that's

Hey, Maya, don't feel bad about Pete.

The heart wants what it wants.

This is your idea of friendship? You tell the entire office? I only told

who would be incredibly discreet and who had the utmost respect for you.

Hey, Maya, I heard you had a three -way with Toastman and Pete.

Way to go, super freak.

Hey, Kev.

Is this Barry Toastman's office?

Mr. Toastman's in a meeting. Oh, yeah? What kind of meeting?

He's not to be disturbed.

Finch put you up to this?

Mr. Toastman's in a meeting.

No meeting!

I knew it.

Oh, so nice to meet you, Mr.

Toastman. Wow, you're a lot thinner than I expected.

He's thick, you know.

There better be a damn good reason for pulling me out of that meeting for you.

Jack, I'm just here to facilitate your get -together with Mr. Barry Toastman.

Hey, whoa, hey.

What's going on, guys?

I was just going to go inside and say hello to your friend, Mr. Barry

Why do you hate Barry so much?

What, are you some kind of racist?

Racist? I've never even seen the guy. Yeah, you want to keep it that way,

you? Because you only like people that are just like you.

We're here. We're wasting time.

Let's go in. Yeah, out of the way, Finn. Out of the way. Oh, look.

Little Barry Jr.

made a pillbox for Daddy out of macaroni. How sweet.

This used to be a storage closet, I swear.

You swear.

Is this how you get your kicks, Elliot?

Hounding a decent, hard -working family man?

Who's also a veteran.

Yeah, what did you ever fight for except the right to get freaky with your

bitches?

Dennis? I'll call the cable company.

Pete, what are you doing here?

Maya, I had to see you. What were you thinking breaking up with Vicky? What

you tell her?

I just let my heart do the talking.

Bye -bye, bye -bye, bye -bye.

Well, I think you're being crazy and irresponsible. What does your heart say

that?

My heart doesn't talk. That's just a thing I do.

Pete, you've got to get out of here. If she finds us together, she's going to

kill us.

Maya, I don't care.

It's like what the mail guy told me.

The heart wants what it wants.

Hey, Maya.

You can't come in. Oh, what's going on?

I've got my neighbor's cat in here.

Oh, I love cats.

We're naked.

What? Listen, I've worked in this office for six and a half years. If I want to

be naked with a cat in my office, I think I've earned that right.

Okay.

Oh, my God.

What?

That voice.

Vicky's voice.

It stirred something deep within me.

You're joking, right?

No, I got to go back to her.

Yeah, a minute ago you wanted to go back to me.

I know. I got too much love in me. If I could be with the both of you, I would.

I can't, can I?

Enough.

Then Vicky it is. Okay, I'm going to put a stop to this right now.

She's going to find out everything.

What? No.

Maya, don't.

Vicky? Uh -huh?

Listen.

Pete is no good. He's going to come crawling back to you, but you have got

run in the opposite direction. And I know this because this is very hard for

to say.

I slept with him.

That's right, Vicki.

I slept with him.

I'm sorry, but I slept with him.

Vicki?

Hey, Maya, Vicki here.

It would really help the healing process if you could describe the sex act in

great detail.

Jack, I'm blowing the lid off this Toastman scam.

I traced the social security number. It belongs to a dead person.

Admit it, Finch. Barry Toastman does not exist.

Dennis, is this true?

Yeah, it's true.

Barry Tozman does not exist.

Anymore.

He died at 2 .15 today.

A complete copular failure.

Oh, really?

Then I suppose it's okay if we go to the memorial service?

Oh, that'd be great, except he got buried out at sea.

Because he loved the tune.

Jack, you can't possibly believe this.

Elliot. Elliot.

If Barry taught us anything, if the time we have together is

precious, we've got to learn to cherish one another.

Now get out of my sight.

You know what sickens me?

What's that?

The guy's not gone a day.

And someone had the nerve to park in his space.

Say no more, I'll take care of it. Already done.

I had the car impounded, but not before I bashed in a few windows with a

baseball.

You know, for Toastman.

Vicki, I'd like to talk...

All right, it's none of my business, but don't you think you're being sort of an

incredible bitch?

Excuse me? She slept with my husband. She saved you. She saved you from that

waffling hose monster.

And I'm supposed to thank her for that? Yes.

Yes, you are.

You know, Pete may be a jerk, but he's a passionate, gorgeous, muscular jerk,

and Maya never gets men like that.

Maya only gets men like, like, well, like that.

All right, you know what? Just come with me. Come on.

Okay, you two, talk it out. Leave it alone. You've done enough.

No, I want to help.

Now, look, I'm in uncharted waters here.

One man's left with two women, and neither of them with me.

But I just, you know, I see people that I really care about who are angry and

hurt, and I just want to fix it, but I can't.

I can't.

Okay,

I was going for something, but I couldn't find it.

But I did go for the fake cry, so I think you two could meet me halfway.

I am really sorry.

Oh, come on. Life's too short to fight over a civil servant.

I know you didn't mean to hurt me and...

Sure we'll be okay?

I hope so, because I really want to be your friend.

This makes me so happy.

No, screw it.