Original subtitles

Dennis, I'm afraid I'm going to have to cancel dinner.

Oh, great. For the last three days, I've been glazing a ham for nothing?

I'm sorry, but an old friend is in town, and I want to make time to see him. Oh,

yeah? Who, Dad?

Nobody you know.

So it's somebody famous.

No, no. It's an old drinking buddy.

So it's a movie director.

Trust me, Dennis. You're not even warm.

Warm. Warm.

Warm Water, Water Bay, Bedrock, Rockstar, Star Wars.

Oh, my God, it's Star Wars. It's George Lucas.

God, I hate when you do that.

Oh, come on. You know George Lucas is my idol. So far this year, I've written

eight Star Wars scripts, four Indiana Joneses, and a sequel to Willow.

Give me a dwarf and a sword and it writes itself.

Forget it, Dennis. You're not meeting him.

Why, you think I'm going to embarrass you in front of your famous buddy?

Exactly. You remember what happened when I introduced you to Governor Pataki?

Oh, the guy's name is Pataki. I thought he'd be a little Japanese guy.

Jack.

By any chance, have you seen this month's issue of Modern Photography?

Check it out.

I don't care if he is the leader of Iraq.

Selleck is the only one who can pull off that mustache.

The picture at the bottom.

The editor's choice is a stunningly original composition from the veteran

man, Elliot DeMora. How do you like that, Jack?

That's the picture you turned down. You said it was too artsy, too out there.

Okay, maybe I was too hasty, but I'm a big man. I can admit I was fat.

No! Thirsty.

No, I'm not really listening. What's going on?

I can admit I was wrong. Yes, you were, Jack. And not just about the picture.

You were wrong about me.

You have an artist here.

And you don't see it.

See, I'm more than just high heels and halter top.

Well, you look great in both.

Okay, Dennis.

Out.

I gotta take a little nap.

A little nap. Nap time.

Time out. Out house. House cat.

Cat nap.

You're gonna take a nap.

Oh, you just said that.

Ah, Vicki.

I've been thinking. I want you to take over the ski wear layout.

That's great, Jack. Thank you. Wait, wait, wait a second. The skewer layout

my responsibility, Jack. Yeah, well, Vicki's been looking to expand her role

here at the magazine.

Oh, I see. Well, perhaps I would like to expand my role as well.

Well, maybe you could start by doing the work I actually assigned you.

And what are the perks of this new position?

Tell you what.

You want to do the layout? You want to do the layout? Why don't you do it

together?

Oh, I'm not so sure that's such a good idea. Jack, Jack, Vicki and I, not a

match. We have no chemistry.

Heads up.

Well,

maybe this would be a good opportunity for you to develop some chemistry. The

two of you have till Friday.

Friday? Now we're working weekend?

Thank you.

Hey.

Oh, Jack.

Sorry for all the commotion. Between you and me, it's a little much.

I mean, does anybody tell the sun how great it is for shining every day?

Did you just compare yourself to the source of all life on this planet?

It's a heck of a picture.

But in all fairness, some people can see it.

Some people can't.

Yeah.

You're right. I have been holding you back.

I'm devoting a page in this month's issue to an Elliot DeMauro photograph.

Whatever you want to do, whatever you want to say, you're limited only by your

imagination. Well, it's about time you saw the light. Thank you, Jack. This is

incredible, but you're in luck. Because I'm incredible, too.

Oh, hey, I love that.

That was so big of you.

Here, Elliot is being incredibly arrogant, and you just rise above it to

supportive and generous.

You are a great man.

I'm going to crush him like a bug.

Wait, what?

I know, Elliot. He needs limits. With complete artistic freedom, he'll fall

apart, come crawling back, and order will be restored.

That's terrible. I can't have somebody walking around here who thinks he's

better than everybody. That's my job.

But, Dad, you just can't manipulate people. I mean, what do you think you

some sort of puppet master?

Well, I was going to say savvy manager, but puppet master's cute.

We're not puppets. We're people with free will.

No, you're not.

Dennis, come in here.

Want to see Dennis dance?

Yeah. Over here.

You know, I had 12 Cubans in this box, and now there are only 11. Do you know

anything about that?

Hey, check out these new dance moves.

Gotta go.

All right, since Jack insists that we work together, we may as well make the

best of it. Now, surely we can find something in each other that we admire.

Oh, okay. Well, I'll go first.

Um...

I've always admired your independence and your style and your sense of

Well, thank you.

Okay, now let's get to work.

Wait a second.

I give you all these nice compliments and you leave me hanging?

Fine.

You are... Ram tough.

Hey, Vince.

Shh.

There's a cat fight brewing here.

So unless you're here to take my drink order, shut your yap.

You're pathetic.

Standing here reveling in the misery of others, but the truth is you're masking

the emptiness and disappointment of your own lonely existence.

Yeah, yeah, sure, that's a piece of it.

I need a break.

What this bottle of cocktail needs is a half a dash of Finch.

Hey, Nina, what's going on?

No, I get around that woman and there is nothing but tension. I mean, what is

her problem with me?

Well, let's look at the facts.

She's divorced, she's 30, she's pretty, and she's from Brooklyn.

Obviously, she's a lesbian.

Well,

I happen to have it on good authority that she swings that way.

I've seen the way she stares at you around the office when you're not

It's like this.

A woman is not a lesbian just because she stares at another woman or brushes

against her or French kisses Katie Lang at a fundraiser for children's literacy.

All I'm saying is the tension you feel is what doctors call sexual tension. Oh,

you are out of your mind.

Now, on to part two.

Wow. What the hell is wrong with you? Nina's not some dog for you to kick

around. What are you talking about? She's been attacking me all day. You

know her the way I do. Beneath that tough exterior lies a fragile, insecure

woman with a rickety liver held together by tape and gum.

What are you saying?

Think about it. You come in here, you're new, you're fresh, you're all zippity

-doo -dah with your new ideas, and she doesn't want to admit it, but she's

threatened by you.

Really?

She's threatened by me? Yeah, she's in her office crying right now.

Oh, my God.

What can I do?

Well, next time you work with her, why don't you try to make her feel special

for once? You know, tell her how beautiful and sexy she is. Or invite her

to your house for a drink, maybe. I don't know.

Sometimes she gets tense. Give her a back rub.

Okay. I'll give it a shot.

I just talked to her even gayer than I thought.

Here's my shutterbug.

This is what brilliance looks like. Jack, you are a big, big man for

this whole thing. Don't worry about the money. Don't worry about anything but

exploring the endless possibilities of what this picture could be.

Dad, let's let Elliot do his work. Absolutely. Go get him, champ. Go crazy.

You're still doing that, huh?

Super.

Dad, what are you doing here?

Well, here's the thing.

about being a puppet master.

Occasionally, you gotta check on the puppet.

Well, I hate to break this to you, but Elliot's fine.

He's gonna take all this freedom that you've given him and create something

wonderful because he has a vision.

Hey, Elliot!

What you got there? Big bag of babies.

Hey, here's my vision.

A model eats lunch as a shower of plastic babies comes raining down upon

symbolizing the American woman's struggle to maintain her place in the

amidst, you know, a shower of raining babies.

Fantastic! Guys, halfway to cuckoo, though.

Elliot.

You're gonna do great. I know.

Okay, let's do this, people.

All right, Justina. Remember, you love calamari and you're barren.

Umbrella up.

Cue, baby.

Okay, I missed it.

What's wrong? I don't know.

All of a sudden, it didn't look right.

I thought it looked pretty good. Pretty good? It can't be pretty good. It's got

to be great.

I mean, is calamari the best thing?

I mean, what if she were eating scallops or tuna or lobster?

Oh, my God. What if it's not even seafood?

What are you looking at?

Talia, calm down.

Okay. New vision.

We're going to the roof.

All right. I'm going to need a thousand pounds of ground chuck, a chicken, and

an inner tube.

Hey, put him through.

Okay. Go ahead, George.

Jack, it's George Lucas. How's things going?

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, it's me calling you. Can't wait for dinner tonight.

Looking forward to some lobster. Hey, listen.

Do you have any Star Wars scripts laying around like anybody you know wrote

them? Why don't you go ahead and bring them?

We'll put them on a chair next to us. Won't be a problem.

Give me one second.

All right, so that's all good. I'll see you tonight.

What's up?

Come

on.

Jack wants this layout tomorrow, and the last time I have to descend with you,

the better.

You know, I've never said this to you, but, uh...

You are a great looking woman.

What? Oh, yeah. You're in such amazing shape. I would kill to have your body.

Maybe we should just get to work.

You know, maybe that's the problem with us. It's always about work. I mean,

maybe we should go out sometime.

And what exactly does that mean?

I don't know. We could go get a couple of drinks. You know, get loose.

Maybe have some girl fun?

You know, I'm not really all that big on girl fun.

Hey, Dennis, I shanked one under the sofa.

So? Now.

You sure you don't want to go out sometime?

Oh, just stop it right now.

I mean, sure, if you got me drunk at the Christmas party, well, not anything is

possible. What are you talking about? I know that you're gay. Finch told me.

What?

Nina, I am not gay.

Well, then why are you being so friendly to me?

Because Finch told me I had to be extra nice to you.

That son of a bitch.

He set us up. That little weasel.

Well, he is not going to get away with it.

What do we do?

Work with me.

What's going on here?

Nothing.

Nothing? I saw you two kiss last night.

Yeah, well, when you pulled that trick on us, we got to talking.

And one thing led to another.

You could fill in the blank. Oh, Vicki, isn't it amazing that yesterday we were

bitter enemies and today all we can think about is having loads and loads of

sex.

The gayer the better.

Yeah, I don't think I...

You don't believe us?

Why don't you just show up here tonight at 8 o 'clock and we'll prove it to you.

Yeah.

And if you're really good, we'll get you out of those clothes and let you join

our little party.

Little party. Party hat.

Hat trick. Trick Finch. Trick Finch. I'm Finch.

Oh, my God. They're going to trick me.

Hey, Finch. What's going on? Oh, those two.

Trying to pull a scam on me.

They want me to come by the office tonight so they can lower the boom.

Oh, the boom will be lowered, but not on me, that's for sure.

Think, what's the worst thing I can do to a woman?

Tell her you like her, and then after you take her virginity, dump her and go

the prom with Susan Wilson.

I like that, but it'll take too long.

All I want to do is freak them out, you know?

Well, I happen to know that Nina's terrified of snakes.

She is?

Snakes? That's not bad.

I've been waiting for years to be in on a prank with you. This is going to be

great. You and me.

Finchamaya. Yeah, you gave me snakes. Now beat it, sister.

So, Elliot failed.

You happy now?

I'm not happy Elliot failed.

That's a very difficult thing to watch. I'm happy because I made him fail.

Yeah, but Elliot was just being angry.

What you did is despicable.

All I did was restore the natural order. The important thing is, Elliot is back

to being Elliot.

Come in.

Sorry about your big chute.

So, I guess it's back to basics.

High heels and halted tops.

How'd that Fendi chute go?

I couldn't take one picture. I was paralyzed.

I was just in the studio trying to shoot the handbag.

Strap up, strap down. I didn't know what the hell to do. I started screaming at

it. Why won't you work with me?

I slapped it.

Elliot, just go back to the studio and then do what you do.

Remember?

Clickety -click.

I can't.

I'm done.

It's over.

You want to see Dennis dance again?

No.

Um, Elliot's in there.

How you doing, kiddo?

Terrible. I'm a complete failure. You're not a failure.

The truth is, with the absolute best of intentions, I may have accidentally

demolished your ego.

Come on.

Give me a smile.

I know what'll cheer you up.

A root beer barrel.

I don't want a root beer barrel.

Listen.

You got a little cocky. I got upset.

And I tried to manipulate you. And I should not have done that.

Not with a person I value as much as I value you. You don't value me.

I do. You're a brilliant photographer. I don't know if you say that, but you

don't mean it.

You don't think I'm an artist. You take me for granted. I haven't had a raise in

five years.

I'm not giving you a raise. I don't care about the raise.

I want your respect and your time.

Maybe a weekly lunch where we talk about my art, my contribution to the

magazine. How does 10 % sound?

Okay, if all you want to give me is money.

All right.

I'll make time for lunch.

Really? You got my word.

Okay.

How did it go in there? Great.

Did he offer you a root beer barrel?

Yep. Did you take it? Nope.

So, who's the puppet master now?

Okay, everything's set. When Nina sees the snakes and freaks out, like she

you take as many pictures as you can, all right?

This is so great.

Finch and Maya.

Teen pranksters. The merry pranksters. Pranks on opera.

Maya, listen.

Standing here with a bucket of snakes, waiting for two co -workers who are

pretending to be lesbians, all right? Please try to take this seriously.

Finch here.

Hey, Vicki.

Oh, I'm ready for you.

They're on their way up.

It's showtime.

Oh, my God, they're disgusting.

I'm going to go get my camera. Yeah.

So, this Dennis Finch is a big fan.

Oh, yeah, he's a good kid.

Meeting you is going to make his day.

Happy to do it.

Listen, George, I've always been meaning to ask you, that Indiana Jones,

he's based on me, right?

What?

You know, the rugged good looks.

the world.

Traveler, the hat.

I have a hat just like that.

You got me.

I knew it! I knew it!

I think I broke my nose.

George Lucas broke my nose.

Lucas, what's going on? Didn't Nina give you the message that I was bringing

George up to meet you?

No. I was supposed to meet Nina and Vicky.

Oh, my God!

Score one for the women. Yeah, girls rock.

Who needs men?

All right, simmer down, fruitcake. The jury's still out on you.

Is he going to be all right?

He's going to be fine.

Never again, Dennis.

Never again.

Wait a second, you guys.

George, I got a great Star Wars script idea where Chewie and Boba Fett string

together a ragtag baseball team of Jedi misfits.

That's good.

It is?