All language subtitles for just_shoot_me_s07e04_halloween_halloween

Jack Gallo. He's very important, so just
remember, suck up to him.

Jack, I'd like you to meet Kelly, next
month's cover girl.

Hello, Kelly.

I saw your proof sheets.

Magical. Thank you. Speaking of which,
do you enjoy a little magic?

Oh, my God, that is amazing. Where did
those cards come from?

My pocket. That was not the trick.

Tell me, ladies.

Is this card the Ace of Clubs?

Yes.

Thank you.

I was learning a little magic for your
Halloween party. I'm coming dressed as

Merlin the Magician.

Wow. You're having a costume party?

Oh, it's not just a costume party. It's
going to be the Halloween event of the

season. Strictly A -list guests and some
people from Blush, because Maya

couldn't keep her fat mouth shut.

So who's going to be there?

Oh, well, I don't like to name drop.

It really upsets my boyfriend.

Recently knighted, legendary rock star,
Simon Meade.

Come with me and I'll get you an
invitation.

Oh, Kelly, wait.

Perhaps before you leave, you'd like
these flowers.

Thank you.

Oh, Kelly, I'm going to need those back.

Woo, dibs.

What? I got dibs on that hot new model.

Please, Dennis, I don't think you want
to compete with me over a woman. Fine.

Let's settle this in a mature and adult
manner.

Bubblegum, bubblegum, in a dish. How
many pieces do you wish?

Seven.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven,
and you are not it.

Rock,

paper, scissors?

Yeah. Can I have two paper? Yeah.

Oh, Simon, I am so excited about
tonight.

Oh, me too.

I sent a van to the liquor store to pick
up six cases of tequila, two cases of

scotch, a case of bourbon, and a keg of
Guinness. This party is going to be

huge.

All right, you're the party.

I'll see you later.

Simon, people are watching.

Oh, sorry.

saying is you're supposed to skim a thin
layer off the top, not dig down to the

bottom. There's no treasure down there.

Stop busting my chops. I don't know what
they do over there in Brooklyn, but

here in Manhattan we take nice, easy
layers.

How's this, Elliot?

What is your problem?

Nothing. You are constantly picking
fights with her over the smallest little

things. Smallest things?

Yesterday, she has a banana. Peels a
little, takes a bite. Peels a little,

a bite. Peel it all the way down. We're
trying to run a business here.

Elliot, come on. It is so obvious you
are attracted to her.

You're like the little kid in the
schoolyard who's picking on the girl he

Maybe she's smart and a little awkward.

Her body's not quite yet developed.

I mean, one summer, blam. And what am I
going to do with these?

What?

Nothing. The point is... You like her.

All right, fine. Yeah, it's all right. I
like her. Okay, then stop all this

silliness and ask her out.

There's just something about her. She
intimidates me. She makes me crazy.

All I need is the right opportunity, a
window.

Well, be patient.

I'm sure you'll find it.

Hey, Nina, I'm really looking forward to
your party.

Wonderful.

Is there anyone you didn't tell?

Dating a rock star is so fabulous. I
don't think I've ever thrown a better

party. A rock star is not bad, but I can
enchant your guests by pouring this

milk into my hat.

I just ruined my hat.

Hey, Jack, great buffet, huh?

You should be ashamed of yourself
dressed as Gandhi.

and stuffing your face with buffalo
wings.

Why don't you come as FDR and walk
around with crazy legs?

Hey, hey, hey.

Robin Hood is here to rob from the rich
and give to the bitch.

Oh, come on. You can't get mad. That
rhymed.

I saw him late, guys. I had to lengthen
my tunic so you couldn't see me marry

men.

Not to mention his little John, right?

It's a euphemism. We get it.

Dennis. Jack.

Nice dress.

It's a medieval thieving tunic. Nice moo
-moo. It's a magical frock of mischief.

Rent it.

What? Rich bastard.

What? Nothing.

There's Kelly. May the best man win. I
hope you're ready, Dennis.

Because right now, I plan to heat things
up.

Oh! There it is.

Hi, Kelly.

It's me, Jack Gallo. Hi.

Hi, Kelly. I don't think we've been
introduced.

The name's Dee Finch.

Nice to meet you, Dee. Great costume.

Oh, thanks. I sewed it myself.

Wow. I love Peter Pan.

You do?

Well, that's who I am.

I'm Peter Pan. Look at me. I'm flying.

I'm Sandy Duncan. I'm eating wheat
thins. I have no depth perception.

Adorable.

Say, you seem to have a bit of chocolate
on your cheek. No, no. Use my hanky.

What the?

How can this be?

Maybe it's magic.

Uh -oh, my underpants.

Thank you.

Hey, Betty Boop. Hey!

Who are you supposed to be?

Hello, Fran Lebowitz.

The writer, laconic humorist.

I'm Kramer.

Kramer, that's funny.

So, are you having a good time?

Well, it's a little new for me. You
know, it's the first party I've been to

since me and Pete broke up.

Oh, you want to know what would make you
feel better?

Find a guy, take him home, and jump his
bones until my bed collapses.

I was going to suggest a brownie.

Vicki, are you sure that's what you want
to do?

You always try and do this. Get out of
my head.

Come on, I don't want to think tonight.
I want to get crazy.

The first hot guy I see is going home to
Brooklyn for the night of his life.

What's going on?

This Hindu just found a windu.

Gandhi's going to get some candy.

Yeah, it's funny because... Yeah, yeah,
get it.

Simon, our first party as a couple.
Isn't it romantic?

You know, Nina, I can't remember the
last time I had so much fun. Oh, that is

sweet.

No, really, I can't remember.

Simon, sweetheart.

Oh, Penny!

How are you?

I'm great.

Oh, this is my girlfriend, Nina.

And you are? Penny.

Simon and I are old friends.

Oh. I'm just going to go throw my coat
in the bedroom. Oh, it's just down the

hall. I know where the bedroom is.

It's not what it looks like.

We used to have sex.

This is my new cat, Ferdinand.

F -U -R.

Thank you.

Hey, Boop.

Hey.

So, are you having a good time? Oh,
sweet rocking party. Yeah.

But sometimes, don't you want to just
stop thinking, meet someone hot, take

home, and just get wild?

Oh, I know exactly what you mean.

I'm going to go hit on Fred Flintstone.

Good luck.

Is that one of Simon's music awards? Oh,
yeah.

You see that pirate chick up there?

Yeah. I'm about to bludgeon her to death
with Best Album 1983.

That's crazy.

Oh, I know.

Synchronicity should have won hands
down, but if you'll excuse me, I have to

kill a whore. No, give me that.

You don't understand.

That is one of Simon's old girlfriends.

But he's with you now.

If you act jealous, you're just going to
push him away.

Be above it. Be gracious.

You know what?

I'm just going to wait an hour and see
if I'm still upset.

That is a very healthy, mature way to
approach this.

Yes, and plus that's how long little red
pills take to kick in.

I want you to be completely honest with
me.

All right. Your magic is annoying, and I
ran over an old lady with your car.

No. I mean, why can't I get anywhere
with Kelly?

Oh.

Oh, Jack, no man can get anywhere with
Kelly.

She's a lesbian.

A lesbian?

You sure? Oh, yes. She's as gay as the
law will allow.

I thought you said she was a lesbian.

Can I tell you something?

Sure. I think you are the sexiest woman
here.

Did you just say I'm a really sexy lady?

Sure. You're cute, you're funny, you're
exactly the kind of girl I like.

Really?

Yeah. Just the slightest bit, um,
masculine.

But all woman.

Wait here. I'm gonna go get us some
drinks. Okay.

Dennis, you never cease to amaze me.

How did you get a lesbian to fall for
you?

She thinks I'm a girl.

She thinks he's a girl.

This is better than the time we saw him
try to do a push -up.

Or the time you caught him sleeping with
your wife. That wasn't funny.

That does.

You guys, what am I going to do?

Well, you're going to have to tell her
that you're a man.

I mean, you know, she's going to find
out sooner or later.

You are a man, aren't you? Yes, I am a
man.

Oh, there you are.

Oh, darling, I've hardly seen you.

Is everything all right? Oh, yeah. You
know, I was, in fact, just telling Maya

how secure and independent I feel.

Hey, Simon, I brought you some
champagne.

Oh, how sweet.

Oh, Maya.

This is Penny.

She just very generously brought Simon a
drink.

That's nice.

Yes, because then if he gets drunk and
topples over, her giant silicone airbags

can cushion the fall.

Nina, gracious.

So, how long have you known Simon?

Forever. You know, your place looks
different.

Yes, well, everything looks different
when you're standing up with your

on.

Hey, Kelly, can I talk to you?

Yes. First, let me give you this.

Now, what did you want to tell me?

I have really bad cramps. Do you have
any Midol?

So you travel all around the world. That
sounds fantastic.

Hey, kids.

So where's the rest of the village
people?

We get it.

You know this guy?

Oh, I work with him. So you went to
Australia and... That's right, I'm a

photographer.

Pat is a professional surfer.

Anyway... Oh, surfing, that's cool. So
you're sort of like a beach bum?

Last year I made $4 million in
endorsements.

So you feel the need to announce that
all the time?

You know what?

I'm going to get a beer.

Oh.

the hell are you doing?

Oh, come on. What kind of life could you
have with him? He's married to the sea.

Hey, hey, hey.

I saw you talking to Vicky. Did you find
your window? A giant window.

I overheard you guys talking before
about how she really wanted to have a

night. You're despicable.

What? What? You pick the night where
she's confused and vulnerable to exploit

her? When are you going to stop
manipulating women?

Come on, baby. Don't be like that.

I thought you said she was different.

She is. Okay, then treat her that way.
If you really cared about her, you would

know that tonight's not the night that
she needs some horny guy working some

sleazy angle with her. You're better
than that.

There you are. Thank you. Much better.

At least you know you're not pregnant.

I know. Thank God, right? I mean, I want
to be a mom. I do.

It's just...

What's wrong with men?

I know, with their back hair and their
fat fingers.

You know what Elliot's doing? No, but
why don't you tell me tomorrow?

Ooh, tomorrow's bad, I'm getting a
bikini wax.

Hey, you know what I want to do? Hmm?

Let's find an empty room. Eh? And get
out of these stupid costumes.

Oh, I do believe in magic.

to me. I'm leaving. There is nothing
else to say. But it's our party.

did, I'm sorry.

Look, you didn't do anything.

I saw you with that woman and I got
jealous.

But Penny and I are ancient history.

We're like the Sphinx or the Pet Shop
Boys.

It still bothers me. And she's just one
woman. You're this huge rock star. I

mean, you've slept with everyone.

That's not true.

Really?

Excuse me, how many people here have
slept with Simon Leeds?

Simon what?

How many people here have slept with
Nina Van Horn?

Just for the record, I only went to
second base with a unicorn.

Look, we've both been around the block,
but we're going to have to deal with

each other's past.

But it's worth it to me.

It's worth it to me.

You have a fabulous house.

Robin, you always know just what to say.

Okay,

great.

I think they'll leave us alone in here.

Just so you know, these are real.

They may be itty -bitty, but they're all
mine.

Oh, no!

Come get me, girlfriend.

Oh, yeah.

Let's get you out of this costume.

Oh, stop.

No. What's the matter?

Um... Why don't you get started by
yourself?

I like to watch.

Me?

Now get over here.

I can't.

All right.

Then I'll come over there.

No, no. I... I have to use the little
girl's room.

Two seconds.

It's working.

Oh, Donna,

I'm so sorry, but that Sam Donaldson
thing, it really threw me.

Well, it's about time.

Now, where were we?

That's right.

I was going to show you this.

Oh, my God.

I have the same bra.

What

the

hell is that?

I found it in Nina's drawer.

Isn't it lifelike?

Wait!

I'm a girl!

So, are you all set? Yeah, let's get out
of here.

Hey, hey, can I talk to you a second?

What do you want?

I don't think you should do this.

Why, so I could go home with you?

No. Elliot, I'm not an idiot. You've
been hitting on me all night. I know.

And I don't have an ounce of credibility
right now, but I'm looking at that guy

you're leaving with and I see myself.

I mean, sure, he's taller and wealthier
and probably didn't wear water wings

till he was 22.

What you do tonight is none of my
business.

But I just want you to stop and think,
because I do care about you.

I mean, is going home with a guy like
that gonna make you feel better?

Tad, I... I'm going to hang out for a
while.

What happened? You heard the lady beach
boy.

Go hang ten.

Surf's not up. You just wiped out.

Here, catch this wave.

Elliot, you are one strange man.

But thank you.

Can I buy you a cup of coffee?

Friends.

Okay.

So water wings, huh?

What's up with that? Yeah, I have a
buoyancy problem. My legs don't float.

Everything all right?

Yeah.

Rough night. I lied to this girl and
told her I was a lesbian.

I'm not a lesbian.

Good.

Because I've been watching you all
night.

And you are one smoking hot lady.