Original subtitles

[Thunderclap]

♪♪♪

[Rain Falling]

[Footsteps]

[Thunderclap]

♪♪♪

[Phone Ringing]

[People Chattering]

[Man Panting]

HEY! [Groaning]

GEEZ. BUDDY, YOU LOOK DEAD.

[Sighs] I WANNA SEE BROCKTON.

[Panting Continues] OR ULMER.

YEAH? WHAT ABOUT?

A MURDER.

YEAH? WHO WAS MURDERED?

I WAS.

[Thunderclap]

HE LOOKS BAD, DAN.

[Thunderclap]

N lCE OF YOU TO FIT IN AN APPEARANCE, CORNELL.

WE'D ABOUT GIVEN YOU UP...

YOU'D BE RIGHT.

[lnhaling]

[Sighs] DEAD... ON ARRIVAL.

[Brockton] JUST ONE MORE ON THE PILE, EH, CORNELL?

HOW MANY CORPSES NOW?

- FIVE? - SIX.

[Coughing]

YOU KNOW, lF, UH, CECIL B. OVER THERE lS READY, I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT lT.

I'LL TRY TO PIECE TOGETHER AS BEST I CAN WHAT'S HAPPENED

OVER THE LAST 36 HOURS.

[Tape Playing]

[Chalk Squeaking On Board]

METCALF, A COLOR. HOW 'BOUT GREEN?

UH, YOUNG. RAW.

IMMATURE. SPECIFIC REFERENCE.

[Boy] JOLLY GREEN GIANT.

[Students Laughing]

YOU PEOPLE ARE JUNK-CULTURE GEN lUSES, AREN'T YA?

NOW, I MEAN A LITERARY REFERENCE, AND BILL COSBY'S LATEST BOOK DOESN'T COUNT.

[Girl Laughing] HMM? ANYBODY?

N lCK? THE COLOR GREEN, FIRE OFF ANY SYNAPSES FOR YOU?

WHAT ABOUT SHAKESPEARE'S LINE IN ANTONY AND CLEOPATRA?

THAT'S TAYLOR AND BURTON TO THE REST OF US.

[Students Chuckle]

ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S THE LINE, N lCK?

"MY SALAD DAYS WHEN I WAS GREEN IN JUDGMENT."

GOOD. ANOTHER ONE.

"THE TEXT lS OLD, THE ORATOR TOO GREEN ."

- N lCK? - WHAT?

DIDN'T MEAN ANOTHER SHAKESPEARE QUOTE. I MEANT ANOTHER STUDENT.

AREN'T WE LITERAL-MINDED LATELY, HUH? A BIT LIKE A COMPUTER.

COMPUTER PROGRAMMERS HAVE A SAYING, PROFESSOR: "GARBAGE IN, GARBAGE OUT."

YEAH? WELL, ENGLISH PROFESSORS HAVE A SAYING TOO, N lCK,

"DON'T ONE-UP ME IN PUBLIC.

I HAVEN'T GRADED YOUR lNDEPENDENT PROJECT YET."

[Students Chuckle]

CAN WE HEAR FROM SOMEBODY ELSE?

[Snoring]

I'M GLAD SOMEBODY CAN SLEEP IN TH lS HEAT.

[Chuckling]

MR. SLOANE, GOOD MORN lNG. DREAMING OF A WH lTE CHRISTMAS?

SORRY, PROFESSOR. PULLED AN ALL-N lGHTER.

- UH-HUH. - WHAT'S THE TOPIC?

THE COLOR GREEN AS A METAPHOR.

GOT ANY THOUGHTS? AT ALL?

[Students Chuckle]

ANYBODY GOT ANY THOUGHTS?

JEALOUSY. "OH, BEWARE, MY LORD, OF JEALOUSY.

LT lS THE GREEN-EYED MONSTER WH lCH DOTH MOCK THE MEAT lT FEEDS ON ."

OTHELLO. GOOD ACTING, TOO, N lCK.

[Bell Ringing] WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE UNPLUG TH lS MAN?

[Chuckling]

ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY, GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

[Chattering]

[Female Student] PROFESSOR?

OH . THANK YOU, MISS.

FULLER. SYDNEY FULLER. BACK ROW.

I WAS WONDERING, DO YOU TH lNK YOU COULD...

OHH . TALK ABOUT YOUR SALAD DAYS.

[Chuckles] YOU WANT ME TO SIGN TH lS?

I CAN'T BELIEVE MYSELF, BUT, YEAH. TO SYDNEY FULLER.

TAKEN ME ALL SEMESTER TO WORK UP MY NERVE TO ASK YOU.

UH, THAT'S WITH A "Y."

S-Y...

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

S-Y-D-N-E-Y. YEAH.

THAT'S THE REASON I TOOK YOUR COURSE... BECAUSE MY PARENTS,

THEY JUST TH lNK LIBERAL ARTS lS A WASTE OF TU lTION AND I...

I'VE READ ALL OF YOUR BOOKS...

SHUT UP, SYDNEY.

HAVE THOUGH. I'VE READ 'EM ALL.

- GLUTTON FOR PUN lSHMENT, HUH? - NO!

THEY'RE GREAT. I WISH YOU HADN'T HAVE STOPPED.

[Exhales] I DIDN'T STOP. I JUST... STALLED.

PROFESSOR CORNELL?

MY NOVEL, YOU REALLY HAVEN'T, UH...

- GRADED lT? FIN lSHED lT? - EITHER.

NEITHER.

BUT YOU SAID YOU'D HAVE lT GRADED TH lS WEEK.

YES, WELL, N lCK, TH lS HEAT'S PUT ME A LITTLE BIT BEH lND SCHEDULE.

I HAVEN'T SHOWN lT TO ANYONE ELSE.

SHOULD I FEEL PRMLEGED OR SINGLED OUT FOR PERSECUTION?

- CAN I BE HONEST? - I DON'T KNOW. CAN YOU?

YOUR OPIN lON MEANS A GREAT DEAL TO ME.

AND IT'S NOT BECAUSE YOU'RE MY PROFESSOR.

IT'S BECAUSE OF YOUR BODY OF WORK.

YEAH . SYNONYMS FOR BODY: CORPSE, CARCASS, CADAVER.

IF YOU DON'T LIKE MY NOVEL, I'LL DIE.

- NO, I WILL. I'LL STOP WRITING. - AH, EVEN WORSE.

I'VE SPENT THE WHOLE SEMESTER SWEATING OUT ON THAT TH lNG.

LT TOOK HUGO 16 YEARS TO WRITE LES MISERABLES.

BUT lT ONLY TAKES A COUPLE OF DAYS TO READ lT.

COME ON.

ANY COMMENT? ANYTH lNG TO TIDE ME THROUGH?

N lCE TYPING.

[Yells]

[Groans]

[Cornell] SOMETH lNG GO DOWN THE DRAIN? YOU KNOW SOMETH lN' I DON'T?

YEAH . YOU LOOK LIKE SH lT, HAL.

AND I SHOULD KNOW. I'M AN EXPERT ON THE SUBJECT.

HEAT GETTING TO YOU, OR JUST UP ALL N lGHT TOLLING AGAINST.

THE PUBLISHER'S DEADLINE?

NO, I WAS UP ALL N lGHT CONSULTING MY PHYSICIAN.

AH, PLAYING DOCTOR WITH ELAINE, SPEAKING OF TOO HOT.

WELL, THE AIR CONDITION lNG AT THE MED CENTER WAS WORKIN'.

SHE WAS ON CALL ALL N lGHT.

MM-HMM. HOW DO YOU DO lT IN A HOSPITAL?

FEET IN THE STIRRUPS?

WHERE ELSE? H I-HO, SILVER.

[Laughing]

YEAH, WELL, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO FORGET ABOUT THE WILD LIFE...

ONCE YOU BECOME A FULL PROFESSOR.

YOU SON OF A BITCH.

I WONDERED HOW LONG YOU WERE GONNA KEEP ME IN SUSPENSE.

HE SAID YES, RIGHT? SO THE PROMOTION'S MINE?

ANOTHER RING UP THE LADDER.

IT'S NOT OFFICIAL YET, BUT lT WOULDN'T HURT lF YOU SHOWED UP.

AT THE ART GALLERY DEDICATION.

I'LL BE THERE, WITH BELLS ON.

YEAH, lT'LL BE YOUR LAST CHANCE TO KISS ASS BEFORE THE CHRISTMAS PARADE.

IF YOU HADN'T HELPED ME WITH THE OUTLINE AND STRUCTURE,

I PROBABLY WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE THE BOOK CONTRACT.

I KNOW.

BUT I'M NOT GONNA TAKE THE RAP FOR THAT ONE.

[Chuckles] I'M SERIOUS.

I WANNA THANK YOU FOR PUTTING IN THE GOOD WORD.

MEET ME IN THE OFFICE.

I GOT A BOTTLE IN THE DESK. WE'LL HAVE A DRINK.

ALL RIGHT.

- I'LL SEE YOU LATER. - OKAY.

[People Chattering]

[Man] HEY, CHUCK, YOU SPELLED "CARN lVAL" WITH AN "E"!

[Music Playing Over Loudspeaker]

HEY, DEX. DEX, YOU OUGHTA SLOW DOWN IN TH lS HEAT.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE A Ph.D., NOT AN M.D.

YOU KNOW WHAT I AM.

I'M AN ASSISTANT PROFESSOR, MORTGAGED TO THE EYEBALLS...

WITH TWO KIDS AND A TH lRD ON THE WAY.

CONGRATULATIONS, GRAHAM. BOY OR GIRL?

[Mock Laughing]

WORD AROUND THE FACULTY LOUNGE lS THAT YOU RECOMMENDED.

YOUR FRIEND HAL TO THE DEAN, DEX.

I'VE BEEN HERE LONGER, I WAS NEXT IN LINE.

I DIDN'T PUT HAL'S NOVEL ON PUTNAM'S SPRING LIST, GRAHAM.

YOU KNOW ACADEMICS POLITICS AS WELL AS I DO,

"PUBLISH OR PERISH ." ALWAYS HAS BEEN, ALWAYS WILL BE.

I HAVE PUBLISHED.

WELL, REHASH lNG OLD CLASSROOM LECTURES.

IN OBSCURE LITERARY JOURNALS JUST DOESN'T COUNT.

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PUBLISHED, DEX?

THERE'S AN lNTERESTING ARTICLE FOR ONE OF THOSE "OBSCURE JOURNALS."

YOUNG LITERARY LION PRODUCES BRIL... BRILLIANT NOVEL.

HOLD TH lS.

GETS SNAPPED UP BY SNAZZY COLLEGE.

STRONG FOLLOW-UP BRINGS FULL PROFESSORSH lP.

AND THEN THE TH lRD NOVEL THAT lS CARELESS,

AND A FOURTH THAT KIND OF STINKS.

BUT BY THEN, THE LION lS TAME AND TENURED AND NUMBER FIVE.

NEVER COMES AT ALL.

WELL, YOU KNOW, THAT'S STILL FOUR MORE THAN YOU, PAL.

LOOK, SOME OF US JUST WANNA BE TEACHERS, DEX.

WE DON'T HAVE ANY LITERARY PRETENSIONS.

WE'RE JUST FUCKING GOOD TEACHERS!

FUCKIN' ASSHOLE.

- HOW'D YOU GET TH lS IN HERE? - I DON'T KNOW.

♪♪♪

[Sighs]

[Tape Rewinding]

UH, TH lS lS GAIL. UM, THE PAPERS CAME TODAY.

EVERYTH lNG SEEMS TO BE IN ORDER. I JUST NEED YOU TO SIGN 'EM.

[Sighs] LISTEN, I'M SORRY YOU HAD TO MOVE OUT SO QU lCKLY.

I KNOW YOU DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO GET EVERYTH lNG. UM...

THERE'S SOME MAIL HERE FOR YOU AND...

[Chuckles] CHRIST, lS lT HOT ENOUGH FOR YOU?

THEY SAY RAIN'S ON THE WAY, BUT I DON'T BELIEVE lT.

UM... I'LL TALK TO YOU LATER.

OKAY? BYE-BYE.

[Dial Tone Humming]

[Man] UH, YEAH, H I PROFESSOR, IT'S N lCK LANG CALLING...

MM-HMM.

[Sighs]

[Loud Banging, Glass Breaking]

OH, SH lT.

[Nick's Voice] lF YOU DON'T LIKE MY NOVEL, I'LL DIE. NO, I WILL.

I'LL STOP WRITING.

[Sirens Wailing]

[Camera Shutter Clicks]

[Police Radio Indistinct]

SHUT THAT, WILL YOU?

SH lT. WHY?

[Clears Throat] TIME OF YEAR, lSN'T lT?

HOLIDAY DEPRESSION AND ALL THAT.

[Exhales] AND TH lS HEAT.

MAKES A GUY DO ALL SORTS OF lNSANE TH lNGS.

PRETTY GRIM.

SO'S TH lS.

YEAH . WELL, NEXT SEMESTER, I'M ON THE BEST-SELLER LIST...

AND WE ARE UP TO OUR ASSES IN DEWARS.

[Both Laughing]

[Sighs] WHAT THE HELL KIND OF PROBLEM COULD A COLLEGE KID HAVE...

THAT HE TH lNKS ONLY A SWAN DIVE COULD SOLVE?

[Groans] THAT WAS NO ORDINARY COLLEGE KID.

WANNA TALK ABOUT PROBLEMS? H lS FATHER WAS A TH lEF.

ONE N lGHT ABOUT FOUR YEARS AGO,

HE BREAKS lNTO THE FITZWARING MANSION, KILLED THE HUSBAND.

SO WHAT DOES THE WIDOW DO?

SHE PUTS THE TH lEF'S SON THROUGH COLLEGE.

THE FITZWARING MURDER, THAT'S THE KID?

WAS.

GUESS ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD CAN'T BUY N lCK A HAPPY ENDING, HUH?

HE WAS A POETIC LITTLE FUCKER, THOUGH.

THAT'S N lCK'S lNDEPENDENT PROJECT. GOOD READ, HUH?

I DON'T KNOW. I DIDN'T READ lT.

- YOU DIDN'T READ lT? - MM-MM.

[Chuckles] WELL, THEN WHAT'S THE "A" FOR?

- AMBITIOUS? - I DON'T BELIEVE YOU DIDN'T READ lT.

WERE YOU UPTIGHT THAT ONE OF YOUR STUDENTS MIGHT ACTUALLY

PRODUCE SOMETH lNG OF QUALITY?

NO, I WAS UPTIGHT ABOUT HAVING TO WADE THROUGH 400 PAGES

OF FLATULENT STUDENT FICTION.

NOW I DON'T HAVE TO.

OH, GOD. NOW I DO HAVE TO.

NOT NECESSARILY SOBER, THOUGH. MERRY CHRISTMAS.

[Glasses Clink] MERRY CHRISTMAS.

LESS EGG, GAIL, MORE NOG.

[Chuckles]

WHO'S TH lS CARD FROM?

UNCLE CHARLIE. MINE OR YOURS?

IT'S YOURS.

I THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD.

NO. THE DEAD ONE'S MINE.

[Hark, The Herald Angels Sings]

STUDENT SU lCIDE ON CAMPUS TODAY.

I LEFT THAT BOX OF RECORDS OF YOURS BY THE DOOR.

WE, UH, MAILING OUT JOINT CHRISTMAS CARDS TH lS YEAR?

I ALREADY SENT MINE OUT.

GUESS NOT. OH, I FORGOT. I'VE GOT A GIFT FOR YOU.

OH, GOD, DEX. WHY?

WELL, DON'T WORRY. IT'S NOTH lNG MUCH.

HOT DATE?

DIDN'T TH lNK YOU'D DRESS LIKE THAT TO TRIM A TREE.

ANYBODY I KNOW?

STOP SOUNDING LIKE A HUSBAND.

OH, I'M SORRY. I THOUGHT I STILL WAS ONE.

♪♪♪

THANK YOU.

WELL, IT'S A LITTLE N lCER THAN WHAT I GOT YOU, I'M AFRAID.

[Sighs] COULDN'T YOU HAVE THOUGHT OF SOMETH lNG MORE PLEASANT?

- A LUMP OF COAL, PERHAPS? - COME ON.

'TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY.

TH lS TH lNG WOULD BE EASIER TO TAKE lF ONLY YOU'D ACT A LITTLE HURT.

I HURT, DEX.

- I TH lNK YOU KNOW HOW LONG I'VE HURT. - WHY? WHAT HAVE I DONE?

HMM? HAVE I CHEATED ON YOU?

I'M PROBABLY THE ONLY PROFESSOR ON CAMPUS

WHO'S NOT SCREWING A SOPHOMORE.

MAYBE YOU OUGHTA BE.

AT LEAST lT'D BE A SIGN OF LIFE, A LONGING FOR SOMETH lNG.

OKAY, GAIL.

I'M GONNA GO OUT AND FIND MYSELF A COED FOR A QU lCKIE.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. CAN WE RESUME OUR MARRIAGE?

TH lS HASN'T BEEN A MARRIAGE IN FOUR YEARS, DEX.

[Sighs] IT'S FUNNY HOW lT COINCIDES WITH THE PUBLICATION OF MY LAST NOVEL.

SO THAT'S MY GREAT SIN? I'M NOT PROLIFIC ENOUGH.

PERHAPS YOU SHOULD'VE MARRIED HAROLD ROBBINS.

ONE FOR THE ROAD, DEX?

SUBTLE H lNT TO EXIT?

NO. I'M EXITING.

MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME. YOU ARE, AFTER ALL.

- BECAUSE I STOPPED WRITING? - BECAUSE YOU STOPPED CARING.

GODDAMN lT, GAIL, DON'T RUN OUT ON ME!

WHAT DID I DO TO YOU?

YOU DID lT TO YOURSELF. OH, GOD, DEX,

YOU WERE SO GOOD AND GAVE UP ON EVERYTH lNG THAT MATTERED TO YOU,

lNCLUDING ME.

MARRIAGE CAN'T ALWAYS BE AS HOT AS THE HONEYMOON.

THERE'S UPS AND DOWNS.

TWO PEOPLE, WHEN THEY LIVE TOGETHER...

YOU ARE SO SMART... AND YOU DON'T HAVE THE FAINTEST lDEA.

WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, DO YOU?

THE FACT THAT MAKING LOVE BECAME A MATTER OF JUST GOING

THROUGH THE MOTIONS WAS HARD ENOUGH.

BUT I COULD TAKE lT lF YOU HAD ONLY TALKED TO ME.

TALK? I TALK ALL DAY, EVERY DAY. IT'S WHAT I DO.

NO, IT'S lRON lC BANTER. IT'S NOT lNTIMACY.

AFTER A WH lLE, IT'S ABUSE.

I'M SORRY.

I LIED WHEN I SAID, "FOR BETTER OR WORSE."

I'M NOT GONNA STICK AROUND AND WATCH SOMEONE I LOVE WITHER AWAY.

GAIL.

DON'T.

I'VE GOT TO. MISTLETOE.

[Both Chuckle]

SIGN THOSE PAPERS BEFORE YOU GO.

[Sighs]

♪♪♪

[People Chattering]

AH, A MISTAKE.

IT'S UNCLEAR WHERE THE LIGHT lS COMING FROM.

THERE lS NO SCOPE!

OH, THANK YOU, GRAHAM. EXCUSE ME.

MMM.

WE'VE GOTTA STOP MEETING LIKE TH lS.

HEY, DEX.

[Chuckles]

QU lT STARING, WILL YOU? I GOT A BASHFUL BLADDER.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'VE SEEN A GHOST.

NO, NO, NO. JUST YOUR WIFE. SHE KNOW YOU'RE HERE?

[Sighs] SHE'S HERE?

YEAH.

[Urinal Flushing] UH-OH.

IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME.

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE STILL ATTENDING FACULTY FUNCTIONS.

LT GIVES ME A CHANCE TO SEE FOLKS I DON'T SEE MUCH ANYMORE.

- ANYONE SPECIAL? - YOU FOUND H lM.

LOOKED WHAT I PICKED UP IN THE JOHN.

YEAH, lSN'T lT AWFUL WHAT YOU CAN GET FROM A TOILET SEAT?

[Laughs]

- DID YOU ENJOY YOUR EGG NOG, DEX? - NOT ENOUGH NOG.

ELAINE, COULD YOU FLAG ME DOWN ONE OF THOSE?

- DON'T ENCOURAGE H lM. - THOUGHT YOU HAD A HOT DATE.

[Gail] DID YOU SIGN THOSE PAPERS?

YOU KNOW I GAVE UP WRITING.

WRITER'S BLOCK CAN GET EXPENSIVE WITH MY LAWYERS, DEX.

IF I COULD HAVE EVERYONE'S ATTENTION, PLEASE.

[Microphone Feeding Back]

DESPITE THE TRAGIC EVENT THAT HAPPENED ON CAMPUS TODAY,

OUR BENEFACTRESS, MRS. MICHAEL FITZWARING,

lNSISTED THAT WE PROCEED WITH THE DEDICATION AS SCHEDULED.

[Mrs. Fitzwaring] TH lS GALLERY WAS LONG THE DREAM OF MY LATE HUSBAND.

FOUR YEARS AGO WHEN I ARRANGED FOR THE SON...

OF MY HUSBAND'S MURDERER TO COME TO TH lS COLLEGE,

lT SHOCKED MANY PEOPLE.

BUT N lCHOLAS LANG WAS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE SINS OF H lS FATHER.

[Whispering]

AND I BELIEVED THAT HE DESERVED A CHANCE.

OVER THESE LAST FOUR YEARS, N lCK PROVED WORTHY OF MY FAITH.

HE TRIUMPHED OVER THE PAST, OR SO lT SEEMED.

BUT SOMETIMES THE PAST lS lNEXORABLE.

- I SAW H lS BODY. - WHO?

N lCK LANG, THE STUDENT WHO JUMPED.

[Dex] ERSTWH lLE STUDENT.

PLUMMETED RIGHT PAST MY WINDOW. I HAD A FRONT ROW SEAT.

[Hal] GEEZ, DEX.

[Man] THERE WILL BE A MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR N lCHOLAS.

[Dex] GAIL?

[Screams]

I'M COMING.

HEY. WE'LL... WE'LL TAKE CARE OF HER.

I'M COMING. JUST LEAVE lT TO ELAINE.

NO, PLEASE, DON'T COMPLICATE lT.

AND DON'T HURT YOURSELF.

GAIL, YOU AND N lCK LANG?

GAIL?

[Engine Starts]

- TALK TO ME. - PLEASE, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.

♪♪♪

♪ SCENE OF A CRIME A BODY IN THE BAG ♪

♪ ONE GETS TO DIE ♪

[People Chattering]

♪ ONE GETS THE FLAG ♪

♪ A SLAVE TO DESIRE ♪

BARTENDER.

♪ THE PAIN OF REJECTION ♪

♪ TOO MUCH SEX AND NOT ENOUGH AFFECTION ♪

♪ READ lT IN THE PAPER ♪

♪ OR WATCH lT ON TV ♪

♪ CRY FOR A STRANGER ♪

♪ BUT TURN YOUR BACK ON ME ♪

♪ TRY ANOTHER LINE ♪

BARTENDER?

♪ AND STILL NO CONNECTION ♪

♪ TOO MUCH SEX AND NOT ENOUGH AFFECTION ♪

BARTENDER!

♪♪♪

♪ THAT'S ONE WAY TO GO AIN'T NO... ♪

THANK YOU.

MY PLEASURE. MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM.

YOU DRINKING TO FORGET?

TO OBLMON.

WHAT SORROW ARE YOU DROWN lNG?

MAYBE I JUST DRINK BECAUSE I LIKE lT.

ALWAYS A SORROW.

LOST HOPE. LOST LOVE.

[Sobbing]

HEY, HEY, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

YEAH . I'M JUST A FEW DRINKS SHORT OF OBLMON.

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. I'LL MEET YOU THERE.

HEY, PAL, THE LADY AND I ARE TRYING TO SET A NEW RECORD.

SET lT YOURSELF. THE LADY'S GOING HOME.

MOTHER MISSED YOU TON lGHT. SHE'S A TAD FREAKED OUT.

"FREAKED OUT"? THAT MAKES TWO OF US.

[Groans]

[Dex] OH!

JESUS, MARY, JOSEPH!

COME ON, DEAR. WE'RE GOING HOME.

PROFESSOR CORNELL?

UH... MISS...

- FULLER. SYDNEY FULLER. - YEAH.

GOD, lSN'T lT AWFUL ABOUT N lCK LANG? WHAT A SHOCK.

YEAH, JUST ONE OF MANY.

YEAH, I KNOW. IT'S JUST TERRIBLE.

SOMETH lNG I CAN DO FOR YOU?

♪ TOO MUCH SEX ♪

♪ AND NOT ENOUGH AFFECTION ♪

♪♪♪

WILL YOU HAVE A DRINK WITH ME?

OKAY.

- OH, A MARTIN I. - MM-HMM.

♪ NOT ENOUGH AFFECTION ♪

FIRST ONE.

♪ TOO MUCH ♪

♪ AND NOT ENOUGH ♪

♪♪♪

OKAY, I GIVE UP. WHERE DID THE FEMALE REINDEER GO?

OH, GOD, EDDIE, YOU HAVE H lT ROCK BOTTOM ON THAT ONE,

BUT I STILL LOVE YOU.

[Groans] OKAY. I GOTTA GO. I'LL SEE YOU NEXT WEEK. BYE.

"WHERE DID THE FEMALE REINDEER GO"?

OH, YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW.

OH, MY GOD. AM I WHERE I TH lNK I AM?

FRESHMAN GIRLS' DORM.

DOES TH lS GET WORSE? WHAT HAPPENED?

DON'T YOU REMEMBER?

- YOU WERE AMAZING! - OH, NO!

CAN'T HANDLE PRAISE?

[Groans] I CAN'T HANDLE PRISON.

I'M OVER 18.

OH, THE MERE FACT THAT YOU HAVE TO MENTION THAT MEANS

THAT I BETTER GET DRESSED...

AND HAUL MY ASS OUTTA...

I WAS AMAZING FULLY DRESSED?

GUESS I HAD YOU GOING THERE, HUH?

YEAH. UH, NOW WAIT A MINUTE.

I SEEM TO REMEMBER A LOT OF DRINKS, A LOT OF BARS.

UH, A PASS BEING MADE?

YEAH, I MADE THE PASS. YEAH . INCOMPLETE.

YOU WERE VERY GRACIOUS ABOUT TURN lNG ME DOWN.

YOU SAID I WAS PRETTY, YOU SAID I WAS SMART.

AND THEN YOU SAID SOMETH lNG ABOUT RULES AND ETH lCS,

PROFESSORS AND CO-EDS...

AND THEN SOMETH lNG ABOUT ALCOHOL lMPEDING PERFORMANCE.

OOH.

ALL THE WH lLE TRYING TO MAKE A GRACEFUL EXIT.

YEAH, BUT I DIDN'T EXIT.

- NO, YOU PASSED OUT. - YEAH.

- DIET SPRITE? - THANK YOU.

TH lS BOYFRIEND OF YOURS, UM... JEALOUS TYPE?

- HUH? - THE PHONE.

NO. THAT'S MY BROTHER EDDIE.

HE CALLED WITH H lS ANNUAL CHRISTMAS JOKE.

HEY, SYD.

[Panting] SYD, WANT TO H lT THE GYM?

BARB, DON'T YOU KNOCK?

[Moans]

GUESS YOU'VE ALREADY EXERCISED.

SORRY, LISTEN, TH lS ROOM lS STRATEGICALLY LOCATED.

RIGHT NEXT TO THE FIRE STAIRS.

SO YOU CAN LET YOURSELF OUT WHENEVER.

I HAVE lNTRO TO TRIG ACROSS THE QUAD IN FIVE.

- ANYWAY, SO lT WAS FUN, PROFESSOR. - DEX.

DEX.

OKAY, I GUESS I'LL SEE YOU IN CLASS THEN, DEX.

BARB.

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!

[Chattering]

I'M TRAPPED IN A GIRLS' DORMITORY WITH CREATURES CALLED BARB.

[Touch Tone Dialing]

[Ringing]

[Clicks] GAIL?

- H I, DEX. - H I.

- HOW ARE YOU? - I'M OKAY.

[Sniffles] ELAINE GAVE ME SOME PILLS.

UH-HUH.

UH... LOOK, GAIL, I'M A LITTLE OFF-BALANCE RIGHT NOW, BUT...

[Clears Throat] I AM SORRY.

DEX, I'M SO SORRY FOR THE WAY YOU FOUND OUT.

THERE WAS NOTH lNG VINDICTIVE IN lT. I NEVER TOLD ANYBODY.

I GUESS I WAS JUST A LITTLE EMBARRASSED.

- HE WAS SO YOUNG. - YEAH.

I DIDN'T FIND OUT 'TIL LATER THAT HE WAS ONE OF YOUR STUDENTS.

SOME SHRINK WOULD HAVE A FIELD DAY WITH TH lS ONE, HUH?

[Laughing]

HE REMINDED ME SO MUCH OF YOU AT THAT AGE, REMEMBER?

WHAT, YOU MEAN THE LITTLE PLACE WE USED TO HAVE OFF CAMPUS?

YEAH.

I TRIED TO WRITE, AND YOU TRIED TO MAKE SPAM TASTE EVEN MORE DELICIOUS.

[Sniffles] YOU DID WRITE.

YOU WERE FULL OF PASSION AND PURPOSE.

- WHAT, YOU MEAN LIKE N lCK LANG? - THAT WASN'T LOVE, DEX.

YEAH.

HE JUST MADE ME FEEL LIKE I HAVEN'T FELT IN SUCH A LONG TIME.

DEX, THERE WAS NO REASON...

LOOK, GAIL. GAIL. I'M COMING OVER THERE, GAIL.

THAT'S NOT A GOOD lDEA, DEX. LISTEN.

UH ...COME BY TON lGHT.

I'LL GO OUT FOR A BIT. IT'LL BE EASIER.

YOU'VE GOT TO SIGN THOSE PAPERS.

AND YOU LEFT YOUR BRIEFCASE HERE.

[Sniffles] I'LL LEAVE lT BY THE TREE, OKAY?

I DON'T TH lNK YOU SHOULD BE ALONE RIGHT NOW, GAIL.

PLEASE... PLEASE DON'T COME OVER.

I LOVE YOU.

I KNOW, DEX.

[Sniffling] I KNOW.

[Receiver Clicks Onto Cradle]

[Sniffling]

[Groans]

[Slurping]

[Groans]

TH lS lS NO HANGOVER.

[Grunts]

[Phone Rings]

["Hark the Herald Angels Sing"]

[Nurse] YES, DOCTOR.

[Slams]

DEX! SIR, MAY I HELP YOU? ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

[Beeps]

♪♪♪

- WHAT'S TAKING SO LONG? - WE JUST GOT TH lS BACK.

OH, GREAT. LET ME SEE.

TAKE A LOOK AT TH lS. TH lS lS VERY STRANGE.

IT'S RADIUM CHLORIDE.

ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY SURE ABOUT TH lS?

YES, POSITIVE.

TOXICOLOGY RAN THROUGH THESE TWICE AND CONFIRMED THE RESULTS.

AH!

[Sighs]

[Exhales]

SORRY YOU HAD TO WAIT SO LONG.

I'M FEELING A LOT BETTER. WHAT'S UP, DOC?

SIT DOWN, DEX, PLEASE.

- WHAT'S THAT? - IT'S A SAMPLE.

YOU'RE NOT GOING TO MAKE ME DRINK THAT, ARE YOU?

NO, DEX. YOU ALREADY DID.

- WE, UH, RAN THE TEST TWICE. - WELL, WHAT lS THAT?

IT'S A TOXIC LUMINOUS SOLUTION, AND IT'S IN YOUR SYSTEM.

WHAT, FROM EATING TOO MUCH TUNA FISH?

IT'S POISON, DEX.

OH, BULLSH lT, ELAINE.

I HAD TOO MUCH TO DRINK, AND I FEEL LIKE SH lT.

I COME OVER HERE TO SEE MY DOCTOR AND...

DEX.

IT'S BEEN IN YOUR BODY FOR AT LEAST 12 HOURS.

WE FOUND TOXIC TRACES.

OUR CH lEF RESIDENT REVIEWED THE RESULTS.

WELL, HOW DID lT GET IN THERE?

THE ALCOHOL CONTENT IN YOUR BODY SUGGESTS YOU GOT lT.

IN SOME LIQUOR.

[Clears Throat]

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE ME A STOMACH PUMP OR SOMETH lNG?

WHAT?

WELL, YOU GOT AN ANTIDOTE FOR lT?

TH lS WILL HELP YOU.

THANK GOD I CAME TO SEE YOU, ELAINE. I THOUGHT I HAD THE FLU.

[Groans] THERE'S NOT GOING TO BE...

ANY PERMANENT DAMAGE FROM TH lS, lS THERE?

I'VE GIVEN YOU SOME SODIUM AMYTAL...

- YEAH? - TO HELP RELAX YOU.

DEX, TH lS POISON HAS BEEN ABSORBED lNTO YOUR SYSTEM.

EVEN lF THERE WERE AN ANTIDOTE, IT'S TOO LATE FOR lT.

"TOO LATE" MEAN lNG WHAT?

THERE'S NOTH lNG WE CAN DO.

[Exhales]

HOW LONG?

LT DEPENDS ON HOW MUCH WAS lNGESTED,

THE SYSTEMIC CONDITIONS OF THE lNDMDUAL...

[Shouts] HOW LONG?

TWENTY-FOUR HOURS. NO MORE THAN 48.

IT'S A MISTAKE. IT'S A FUCKING STUPID MISTAKE.

- I WISH lT WERE. - I NEED A DRINK.

OF COURSE, I'VE ARRANGED A ROOM FOR YOU HERE.

YOU'LL BE COMFORTABLE.

I GUESS THE POLICE SHOULD BE NOTIFIED.

♪♪♪

[Car Horn Honks]

[Brakes Screech]

♪♪♪

[Grunts, Groans]

SH lT. COME ON.

COME ON!

[Grunts] GAIL!

GAIL.

GAIL!

GAIL! GAIL!

GAIL!

[Grunts]

GAIL!

LOOK, I GAVE H lM A SEDATIVE. THAT'S WHY HE PASSED OUT.

I SEE.

- WE'LL CALL YOU lF WE NEED YOU. - THANKS A LOT.

[Dispatcher Talking Over Police Radio]

FOUND TH lS IN YOUR WIFE'S HAND.

WE'RE GUESSING THE REST OF IT'S TH lS PILE OF ASH HERE.

A LITTLE TOO HOT TO BE ROASTING CHESTNUTS.

HERE.

COME ON, CORNELL.

YOU AND THE WIFE HAD A TIFF ABOUT THE BOYFRIEND YESTERDAY. RIGHT?

YOU FOUND SOME LOVE LETTERS, TRIED TO BURN 'EM.

- WRONG. - SHE TRIED TO STOP YOU.

ONLY SAVED TH lS MUCH.

- WRONG. - TH lNGS ESCALATED.

GOT A LITTLE OUT OF HAND.

NOTH lNG GOT OUT OF HAND. JUST DECKING THE HALLS, HUH?

I TOLD YOU WHY I CAME HERE... TO TALK TO MY WIFE.

YEAH? TELL HER WHAT?

[Sighs] THAT I'D BEEN A BASTARD.

- TELL HER, OR SHOW HER? - TO APOLOGIZE TO HER.

[Dispatcher On Police Radio]

AND TO SAY GOOD-BYE.

YOU GAVE HER A HELL OF A SEND-OFF.

LS THAT THE BEST YOUR PROSAIC, PETTY LITTLE MIND CAN COME UP WITH?

IT'S A PROSAIC, PETTY LITTLE WORLD, CORNELL.

YEAH, WELL, lF I'D WANTED TO LOP OFF ONE CORNER OF A JEALOUS TRIANGLE,

lT WOULD HAVE BEEN N lCK LANG, NOT GAIL.

- GOOD. THAT WAS THE NEXT QUESTION. - THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE.

TO QUESTION YOUR WIFE ABOUT LANG'S DEATH.

HEARD lT CAME AS A SHOCK TO HER.

WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

N lCK LANG DIDN'T JUMP OFF ANY ROOF. HE WAS PUSHED.

A LOT OF SCUFF MARKS ON THE ROOF.

N lCKY WAS DRAGGING H lS HEELS ABOUT GOING OVER.

PLUS H lS APARTMENT GOT BROKEN lNTO SOMETIME YESTERDAY AFTERNOON.

WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTH lNG?

NOT SURE.

NOTH lNG SEEMED STOLEN. MAYBE SOMEONE WAS LOOKIN' FOR H lM.

MAYBE SOMEONE FOUND H lM.

[Hal] DEX WAS IN THE OFFICE WHEN lT HAPPENED.

DID YOU, UH, SEE H lM THERE?

LOOK, TH lS lS BULLSH lT.

COME ON!

AT THE TIME OF N lCK'S DEATH, DEX DIDN'T EVEN KNOW.

THEY WERE HAVING AN AFFAIR.

- SO HE TELLS YOU. - IT'S TRUE.

STOPPED BY FOR A LITTLE CHRISTMAS CHEER YESTERDAY, DIDN'T YOU?

WHAT lF I DID?

JEALOUS HUSBAND PUSHES N lCKY OFF THE ROOF.

SO ANGRY WIFE SERVES H lM A CHRISTMAS MICKEY.

NEXT MORN lNG, HE WAKES UP WITH A TUMMY ACHE,

SO HE GETS A LITTLE CHECKUP AND FINDS OUT HE WAS MURDERED.

SO HE DROPS BY FOR ONE LAST BANG-UP MARITAL SPAT.

[Camera Shutter Clicks]

MURDERED?

THEMATICALLY, A LITTLE DATED,

BUT THE PROSE STYLE HOLDS UP.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MURDERED? THAT STUFF YOU SWALLOWED.

THAT'S NOT TOO EASY TO COME BY.

SOMEBODY TOOK A LOT OF TROUBLE TO GET HOLD OF THAT.

IT'S TRUE, DEX.

YOU RAN OUT BEFORE WE HAD A CHANCE TO DISCUSS TH lS.

[Ulmer] OF COURSE, THERE'S A VARIATION ON THE THEME.

MAYBE LANG POISONED YOU... YOU PUSHED H lM,

THEN KILLED YOUR WIFE.

[Brockton] OR lT COULD GO THE OTHER WAY: THEY WANTED TO KILL YOU;

YOU WANTED TO KILL THEM; EVERYBODY WINS.

[Ulmer] OR EVERYBODY LOSES.

[Coughs] I ALREADY TOLD YOU WHO KILLED MY WIFE.

OH, RIGHT, THE lNVISIBLE MAN.

JUST BECAUSE I DIDN'T SEE H lM DOESN'T MEAN HE WASN'T HERE, lDIOT.

- CAREFUL, CORNELL. YOU'RE UPSET. - YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT I'M UPSET.

I FIND OUT I'M A MURDER VICTIM AND A SUSPECT ALL IN ONE GODDAMNED DAY.

LOOK, HE'S SICK. HE SHOULD BE IN A HOSPITAL.

FIRST, WE READ H lM H lS RIGHTS. CORNELL'S UNDER ARREST.

[Elaine] TH lS WILL EASE THE PAIN, DEX.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT...

CAREFUL! GET BACK! GET BACK!

[Hal] EASY, DEX. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

JESUS! LOOK. YOU'RE GETTING OFF TO A FINE START.

[Brockton] FIRST, YOU'RE RESISTING ARREST. NOW YOU'RE TAKING A HOSTAGE.

SORRY, DON'T HAVE TIME TO STAND TRIAL.

YOU'RE GETTING IN DEEPER. JUST HOLD lT.

STAY OUT!

TH lNK lT OVER, CORNELL. JUST COME ON OUT HERE.

[Elaine] DON'T COME IN HERE!

YOU'RE DIGGING YOURSELF A GRAVE.

THANKS.

FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, BACK OFF!

♪ WITH A REBEL YELL ♪

♪ SHE CRIED MORE, MORE, MORE ♪

♪ WHOA IN THE MIDN lGHT HOUR, BABE ♪

♪ MORE, MORE, MORE ♪

♪ WITH A REBEL YELL ♪

♪ MORE, MORE, MORE ♪

♪ HE LIVES IN H lS OWN HEAVEN ♪

♪ HE LIKES lT TO GO FROM 7-11 ♪

♪ WELL, HE'S OUT ALL N lGHT TO COLLECT A BET ♪

♪ JUST AS LONG JUST AS LONG AS lT DON'T MESS UP H lS HEAD ♪

[Muffled Scream]

[Muffled Shouting] DON'T SCREAM!

[Grunts]

GOD, YOU SCARED ME! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I NEEDED TO SEE YOU. YEAH?

OKAY, OKAY. ONE MINUTE. ONE SEC HERE.

[Music Stops]

OKAY.

OH, YEAH . IT'S KIND OF STUPID, lSN'T lT? FREUDIAN SLIP.

GET lT? IT'S FOR THE CARN lVAL TON lGHT.

I THOUGHT lT WAS EITHER TH lS OR PAVLOV'S DOG,

THEN I THOUGHT, "HOW CAN I GO AS A DOG?"

- WHY DID YOU MURDER ME, HUH? - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU TOLD ME SYDNEY WITH A "Y," HUH?

YOU SIT IN MY CLASS ANONYMOUSLY FOR MONTHS.

[Shrieks]

NOT A PEEP.

THEN SUDDENLY, YOU JUST ANNOUNCE YOURSELF AS MY BIGGEST FAN,

YOU ASK ME FOR AN AUTOGRAPH, YOU FOLLOW ME TO A BAR.

I WENT WITH A FRIEND.

OH, YEAH? YOU HAD A PLAN!

- I WOULDN'T CALL lT A PLAN. - THEN WHAT WOULD YOU CALL lT?

- UM, A... A CRUSH. - WHAT?

UH-HUH.

[Shrieks]

YESTERDAY, YOU POP UP ALL OVER MY LIFE.

- TODAY, I HAVE NO LIFE! - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

STOP lT. JUST PLEASE STOP lT. PLEASE!

[Groaning]

[Coughs, Groaning]

[Groaning]

OKAY, OKAY, I WASN'T TH lNKING TOO CLEARLY.

[Gulps Drink] AND A FEW HOURS AGO, MY... WIFE,

SHE WAS MURDERED RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EYES.

SO YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO FORGIVE ME,

BECAUSE I'VE NEVER BEEN POISONED BEFORE.

DON'T WORRY. I DON'T TH lNK YOU DID lT.

BUT YOU ARE MY LINK TO LAST N lGHT.

SO WE'RE GOING TO RETRACE OUR STEPS... WHERE WE SAT, WHO WE...

"WE"? NO. WAIT A MINUTE.

NO, NO. I CAN'T WAIT A MINUTE. I NEED YOUR HELP.

NO, I CAN'T HELP YOU. I CAN'T HELP MY MOTHER FOLD CLOTHES.

YOU NEED THE POLICE.

I'VE ALREADY HAD THE POLICE. THEY TH lNK I KILLED MY STUDENT.

THEY TH lNK I MURDERED MY WIFE.

WELL... WELL, THAT'S JUST SILLY, lSN'T lT?

THAT...

I'M JUST GOING TO CALL THE POLICE AND I'M GOING TO VOUCH FOR YOU.

OKAY?

UH, H I. UH, lS TH lS THE POLICE?

COULD I... HAVE lNFORMATION ABOUT...

NO COPS.

- LET GO OF MY ARM. - I CAN'T.

- LET GO! OW! - I CAN'T.

BONDS IN SECONDS.

[Drums Beating] [People Chanting]

[Sydney] TH lS lS KIDNAPPING, YOU KNOW.

YEAH, lF I'M LUCKY, THEY'LL GIVE ME LIFE.

REMEMBER TH lS PLACE? NO, I DON'T.

LET GO OF MY ARM, OR I'M GOING TO SCREAM!

LOOK, lF I LET GO OF YOUR ARM, YOU'RE REALLY GOING TO SCREAM.

[Drums Continue] [Shouting, Hooting]

ONE, TWO!

♪♪♪

[Crowd Cheering]

[Sydney] I'M SUPPOSED TO BE AT THE CARN lVAL TON lGHT.

YEAH, WELL, EXCUSE ME, BUT DYING'S KIND OF FUCKED UP

MY SOCIAL CALENDAR TOO.

AIN'T lT A BITCH?

I'M REALLY SORRY. I KNOW IT'S TERRIBLE.

BUT I JUST CAN'T HANDLE TH lS.

I'M SCARED. I'M CONFUSED.

ALL RIGHT. OKAY. ALL RIGHT. I'M SORRY.

THAT MAKES TWO OF US.

AND I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.

[Women Singing "The 12 Days of Christmas"]

[Sighs]

ALL RIGHT. LOOK. WE'LL GO TO A MEN'S ROOM.

I'LL PUT YOU IN A STALL AND I'LL STAND GUARD OUTSIDE THE DOOR.

NO, THERE lS NO WAY I AM WALKING PAST TEN DRUNKS.

WITH THEIR FLIES OPEN.

I'M JUST NOT GOING TO DO lT.

HEY, FREUD, BABY.

YOU CAN GET ME ON YOUR COUCH ANY DAY.

[Laughing]

AND THERE'S NO WAY I'M SITTING ON THOSE SEATS,

'CAUSE I SEE THE MEN WHO USE 'EM.

I'M NOT DOING lT.

I'M GOING TO GO TO THE LADIES' ROOM.

IT'S NOT ENOUGH I'M WANTED FOR MURDER.

I'M GOING TO GET HAULED IN AS A PERVERT.

♪♪♪

I CAN'T GO.

COULD YOU TALK OR SOMETH lNG, MAKE SOME NOISE?

JUST KEEP TALKING?

YOU WANNA HEAR SOME SNAPPY PATTER ABOUT DEATH,

NATURE'S WAY OF TELLING YOU TO SLOW DOWN?

I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW lF THERE lS LIFE AFTER DEATH,

[Urinating]

BUT I'M DEFIN lTELY TAKING A CHANGE OF UNDERWEAR JUST IN CASE.

SYD, I'M NO GOOD AT TH lS.

I'VE NEVER REALLY THOUGHT ABOUT MY OWN EXTINCTION.

YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY.

I MEAN, I ALWAYS THOUGHT...

DEATH WAS SOMETH lNG THAT HAPPENED TO OTHER PEOPLE...

OLDER PEOPLE, UNLUCKY PEOPLE.

NOT ME, NOT GAIL.

I MEAN, I ALWAYS KNEW MY NUMBER WAS GOING TO COME UP, BUT NOT NOW.

DAMN lT! WHY?

- YOU HAVE ANY ENEMIES? - NO, I DON'T HAVE ANY ENEMIES.

[Pounding]

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? - I WANNA SEE GRAHAM!

HE DOESN'T WANT TO SEE YOU.

I'LL BET!

DEX?

SURPRISED TO SEE ME UP AND ABOUT?

WHAT IN GOD'S NAME DO YOU WANT?

THOUGHT I'D BE SAFELY SLID AWAY IN SOME MORGUE LOCKER,

TAG ON MY TOE.

JUST CALM DOWN, DEX...

[Girl] DADDY!

I DIDN'T DO THAT! OWW!

YOU WERE MUCH MORE lMPRESSIVE TH lS AFTERNOON.

AGAINST A DEFENSELESS WOMAN.

TH lS AFTERNOON?

L... l KNOW WHERE YOU WERE!

OF COURSE YOU DO. THE MILTON TUTORIAL.

[Grunting]

JUST LIKE EVERY OTHER FRIDAY FOR THE LAST TEN YEARS!

[Sydney Gasps] lS TODAY FRIDAY?

SO, WHO WE GONNA PUNCH A CONFESSION OUT OF NOW, DEX?

- GOT ANY BETTER lDEAS? - YEAH, LOGIC.

THERE'S GOTTA BE A REASON FOR ALL TH lS.

YEAH, MY MARK TWAIN LECTURE DROVE SOME STUDENT lNTO A HOMICIDAL RAGE.

SYD, GUYS LIKE ME, WE GET KILLED BY MUGGERS, RUN OVER BY CARS,

MAYBE, BUT NOBODY PLOTS TO KILL AN ENGLISH PROFESSOR.

WE JUST DON'T lNSPIRE THAT KIND OF PASSION.

THE KILLING DIDN'T START WITH YOU.

- N lCK LANG. - RIGHT.

SO, WHO WOULD WANT H lM DEAD?

HEY. YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES COPS GO TO THE FUNERALS OF MURDER VICTIMS.

WHAT? W-W-WAIT.

WE'RE GOING TO THE FUNERAL, AND YOU TH lNK THE KILLER'S.

GONNA BE THERE?

YEAH . GET IN.

THERE'S A HELL OF A STRANGE STORY BEH lND THAT KID.

♪♪♪

[Dexter] SO, TH lS TH lEF BREAKS lNTO THE FITZWARING HOUSE.

THE OLD MAN WAKES UP.

HE'S UPSTAIRS, COMES DOWN, HE SURPRISES THE GUY.

TH lEF SHOOTS THE OLD MAN, RIGHT?

THE CHAUFFEUR HEARS ALL TH lS, HE COMES RUNN lNG IN,

HE GRABS THE GUN AND THERE'S A STRUGGLE.

I CAN'T GO IN THERE LIKE TH lS. WHAT?

OH . HERE.

LIKE TH lS. HERE.

- SO, SO, WAIT... THERE'S A STRUGGLE? - YEAH.

FOR THE GUN . THE GUN GOES OFF. LT KILLS THE BURGLAR.

THE BURGLAR lS N lCK'S FATHER? YEAH.

NOW, THE WIDOW, MRS. FITZWARING,

SHE MAKES A SPECIAL PET CHARITY CASE OUT OF N lCK.

- SHE PUT H lM THROUGH COLLEGE. - I NEVER HEARD TH lS.

IT'S NOT EXACTLY SOMETH lNG YOU WANT UNDER YOUR YEARBOOK PICTURE.

SO YOU TH lNK ALL TH lS HAS TO DO WITH N lCK, DON'T YOU?

HAL. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? ARE YOU CRAZY?

- MEET SYD. - H I.

WE'RE lNSEPARABLE.

THOSE TWO COPS ARE LOOKING ALL OVER THE PLACE FOR YOU.

TWEEDLEDUM AND TWEEDLE-DUMBER?

YEAH . THEY EVEN NOTIFIED CAMPUS SECURITY.

YOU GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE, MAN.

[Dexter] I GOTTA PAY MY RESPECTS. YOU FIND SOMETH lNG OUT?

YEAH, I'M NOT GETTIN' ANY YOUNGER.

NOTH lNG I CAN DO.

HEY, HEY, HEY! WHAT'S THE DEAL HERE?

YOU GOT A 5 ON YA? WILL YOU PAY H lM FOR ME, PLEASE?

[Man] A FATHER WHOSE ONLY LEGACY...

WAS THE STIGMA OF H lS TERRIBLE CRIME.

ONE WOULD LIKE TO TH lNK THAT N lCK NOT ONLY FOUND H lMSELF...

HERE AT THE SCHOOL,

BUT ALSO THAT HE'D FOUND A HOME HERE.

AND JUDGING BY THE TURNOUT TON lGHT, I'D SAY HE HAD.

LT WAS A PLEASURE TO HAVE N lCK IN MY SHAKESPEARE CLASS.

PERHAPS ONLY THE BARD CAN EXPLAIN N lCK'S UNEXPLAINABLE CHOICE.

"TO SUE TO LIVE, I FIND I SEEK TO DIE.

"AND SEEKING DEATH, FIND LIFE.

LET lT COME ON ."

MISS FITZWARING, I KNOW YOU'D LIKE TO SAY A FEW WORDS.

N lCK WOULD'VE LOVED...

[Whispers] THAT'S THE GIRL IN THE BAR.

[Whispers] THAT'S COOKIE FITZWARING. SHE'S IN MY ART CLASS.

[Weeping] MY DEAR, MAY I...

YOU PICKED THE WRONG PLAY, PROFESSOR.

YOU SHOULD'VE QUOTED FROM ROMEO AND JULIET.

N lCK AND I, WE WERE...

♪♪♪

OH! SH lT.

[Dexter] I KNOW THAT GUY.

HE WAS IN THE BAR LAST N lGHT.

[Man] YOUR MOTHER'S WAITING.

[Woman] SO LET HER WAIT.

[Man] YOU FUCKED TH lNGS UP ROYALLY TON lGHT.

DON'T I ALWAYS?

STILL A FEW DRINKS SHORT OF OBLMON?

HOW'S THAT NASTY BURN YOU GOT ON YOUR HAND, PAL?

JESUS, BERNARD!

YOUR MOTHER WASN'T TOO THRILLED ABOUT YOU AND N lCK, WAS SHE?

I DON'T TH lNK... I WOULDN'T BRAG ABOUT THAT.

- I LOVED N lCK, AND HE LOVED ME. - YOU AND A FEW OTHERS.

- WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT H lM? - I KNOW HE WAS MURDERED.

WE DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU'RE lNFERRING.

BERNARD, I TH lNK YOU MEAN "lMPLY."

WHEN I SAY SOMETH lNG, THAT'S lMPLYING.

HOW YOU TAKE lT, THAT'S lNFERRING.

OKAY. THEN lNFER TH lS.

[Groaning, Coughing]

[Bernard] COOKIE!

HEY! COME HERE! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

[Panting, Sydney Grunting]

[Dexter] OH, GOD. BACK OF THE STAGE.

EVERYBODY'S GONE.

[Footsteps]

[Pressurized Air Hissing]

[Loud Clank]

[Footsteps Continue]

[Hissing]

[Nail Gun Firing]

[Sydney Screams]

[Groans] AAAAH!

[Nail Gun Cocks, Fires]

AAAAAH!

WAIT! COME ON!

[Sydney Screaming]

IT'S CAUGHT!

[Flesh Ripping]

[Sydney Screaming]

OHHH!

[Nail Gun Firing]

[Continues Firing]

SYD! SYDNEY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

WHERE DO YOU TH lNK? TO THE POLICE!

SH lT. WAIT, SYDNEY!

GIVE ME A CHANCE!

[Grunting]

YOU KNOW, I DON'T GET OFF ON TH lS RAMBO SH lT.

[Siren Wailing]

[Siren Continues, Louder]

I WANTED TO SPEND THE N lGHT WITH YOU, NOT ETERN lTY.

[Siren Continues]

- HEY! POLICE! - SYD! NO POLICE!

HEY!

[Panting] WAIT! WAIT. WAIT.

OWW!

OH, GOD, LOOK AT YOUR ARM. I'M SORRY.

DROP DEAD.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO SAY THAT. I'M SORRY.

SO, WHAT DO YOU DO NOW?

FIND MRS. FITZWARING AND THAT LUNATIC DAUGHTER OF HERS.

AND WHAT lF THE CHAUFFEUR WITH THE NAIL GUN lS WAITING FOR YOU?

WHAT HAVE I GOT TO LOSE, HUH?

I'VE ALREADY SCREWED UP MY LIFE BY GMNG UP.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I JUST QU lT.

I WAS A SUCCESS, AND I WAS AFRAID OF FAILING AND I...

SO I JUST QU lT.

I WANT TO HELP YOU, DEX.

YOU ALREADY HAVE. I FEEL REALLY BAD.

I DRAGGED YOU TOO DEEP lNTO TH lS.

NO, NO, IT'S NO BIG DEAL.

YOU GLUED YOURSELF TO ME, YOU DRAGGED ME lNTO.

THE STREET HALF NAKED, YOU ALMOST GOT ME SHOT.

I MEAN, MOST GIRLS WAIT A LIFETIME FOR A DATE LIKE TH lS.

[Both Giggling]

I GOTTA GO.

IT'S GETTIN' LATE.

I'M NOT GONNA SEE YOU AGAIN, AM I?

♪♪♪

CAB!

- TAKE HER TO THE MED CENTER. - YOU NEED YOUR JACKET.

♪♪♪

[Bernard] NOW, DON'T WORRY. I'LL TAKE CARE OF EVERYTH lNG.

[Mrs. Fitzwaring] DON'T WORRY?

THAT MAN TOLD YOU THAT N lCK WAS MURDERED.

I DIDN'T LET THE CAT OUT OF THE BAG, DID I?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

YOU.

PROFESSOR CORNELL, lSN'T lT?

LT WAS YOUR WIFE WHO FELL APART AT THE ART GALLERY YESTERDAY EVEN lNG.

AND lT WAS YOUR COOKIE WHO CRUMBLED AT THE MEMORIAL SERVICE.

SEEMS THEY BOTH HAD A BAD CASE OF YOUNG MR. LANG.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT N lCK?

WHAT DO YOU TH lNK I KNOW?

[Car Approaching] [Horse Whinnies]

COOKIE.

I HOPE IT'S JUST YOU THAT'S LOADED.

COOKIE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- WHAT DID YOU DO, MOTHER? - WHAT EXACTLY HAVE YOU TOLD HER?

ENOUGH ...AND lT ALL MAKES SENSE TOO.

SHE FORCED N lCK TO STOP SEEING ME.

SO N lCK WAS WORTHY OF YOUR CHARITY,

BUT HE WASN'T WORTHY OF YOUR DAUGHTER, lS THAT lT?

THE FACT lS, SHE CONSIDERED N lCK TOO GOOD FOR ME.

YOU'RE SO WRONG.

NO, I SAW THE WAY THAT YOU USED TO LOOK AT H lM.

YOUR LITTLE DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH.

YOU COULDN'T STAND ANYONE ELSE TAKING AN lNTEREST IN H lM.

YOU WERE ALWAYS JEALOUS OF US.

[Mrs. Fitzwaring] COOKIE, NO.

SHE NEARLY FLEW lNTO A RAGE WHEN SHE FOUND OUT WE'D SLEPT TOGETHER.

COOKIE! STOP TH lS.

- SEE WHAT I MEAN? - PLEASE.

I WOULDN'T DO ANYTH lNG JUST TO HURT YOU.

BUT YOU DID HURT ME.

WHY COULDN'T HE SEE ME?

WHATEVER I DID, COOKIE, I DID FOR YOU AND N lCK.

BELIEVE ME, HE COULD NEVER LOVE YOU, NOT THE WAY YOU WANTED H lM TO.

NOT THE WAY YOU WANTED.

SO YOU... YOU HAD H lM KILLED.

YOU...

[Slap]

[Sobs] COOKIE!

COME BACK!

[Whinnies]

[Groans]

♪♪♪

[Dexter Groaning]

DON'T FUCK WITH ME, BERNARD! I'VE HAD A ROUGH DAY!

ALL RIGHT.

[Grunting, Groaning]

THEN HAVE A LITTLE LIE-DOWN.

[Mrs. Fitzwaring] GOD, IT'S ALL SUCH A MESS.

[Bernard] NOT AT ALL. I WON'T LEAVE A TRACE.

WE DON'T EVEN KNOW lF HE CAN PROVE ANYTH lNG,

OR EVEN lF HE KNOWS ANYTH lNG.

COULDN'T WE JUST CALL IN THE POLICE, SAY THERE WAS A BURGLARY?

WE'VE ALREADY USED THAT STORY.

WHETHER HE CAN PROVE ANYTH lNG OR NOT,

WE DON'T WANT THE POLICE SNOOPING lNTO YOUR PAST OR N lCK'S.

LT WILL BE SIMPLE. WE'LL JUST TAKE H lM OUT...

DON'T TELL ME. JUST DO lT.

AND BRING COOKIE BACK.

IN HER STATE, SHE'S LIABLE TO SAY ANYTH lNG TO ANYBODY.

HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT N lCK WAS MURDERED?

I'M PSYCH lC.

THEN YOU KNOW WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN TO YOU.

♪♪♪

IT'S SO SICK.

DRAGON LADY WIPES OUT HER RIVALS.

WHY ME?

I MEAN, I CAN ALMOST UNDERSTAND GAIL.

GAIL.

[Sighs] WHY ME?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

OH, COME ON, BERNARD.

CAN'T YOU GRANT A DYING MAN H lS LAST WISH?

WHERE DO I FIT lNTO MRS. FITZWARING'S LITTLE PSYCHODRAMA?

HEAT GETTING TO YOU, OLD CHUM?

YOU'RE BABBLING.

♪♪♪

[Dexter] WE'RE ON CAMPUS. "A" IN GEOGRAPHY, PROF.

- NOW HOW'S YOUR ARCHAEOLOGY? - WHAT?

THOUGHT THE TAR PIT MIGHT lNTEREST AN OLD FOSSIL LIKE YOURSELF.

NOTH lNG PERSONAL.

[Tires Screech, Crash]

WHAT THE FUCK?

[Tires Screech]

HAPPY HOUR! CARE FOR A COCKTAIL?

[Bernard] DRINKING AND DRMNG DON'T MIX, COOKIE.

I WAS TRYING TO KILL YOU, PENCIL NECK.

STAY AWAY FROM ME. STAY AWAY FROM ME!

YOU CAN'T MAKE ME GO BACK THERE!

DON'T PISS ABOUT. JUST GET IN THE CAR.

LET ME GO!

[Car Door Bell Dinging] ALL RIGHT.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I'M TAKING H lM TO THE POLICE AS SOON AS I GET YOU HOME.

YOU'RE NOT TAKING ME HOME.

HE'S NOT TAKING ME TO THE POLICE EITHER.

CORK lT, CORNELL, OR ELSE...

OR ELSE WHAT? YOU'RE GONNA KILL ME?

CORNELL, I'M TIRED OF YOUR CRAP.

LS SOMETH lNG BURN lNG?

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING BACK THERE?

AAAH! GET lT OFF!

[Both Grunting]

[Cookie Screams]

[Cookie Laughing]

WHOO!

FUCK!

[Continues Laughing]

[Engine Accelerating]

PAYBACK TIME, BERNARD!

LOOK OUT, DAMN lT! LOOK OUT!

AAAAH!

- AAAAAH! - SLOW DOWN,

COOKIE!

[Bernard Grunts]

[Cookie] WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

[Gunshot] [Bernard Grunts]

COOKIE!

GOD! COOKIE!

[Grunting]

[Yelling]

[Groaning]

[Gunshot]

[Groaning]

[Both Groaning, Yelling]

[Tar Gurgling]

[Groans]

[Panting Heavily]

[Dexter Groaning, Panting]

♪♪♪

[People Chattering]

[Chain Link Fence Rattles]

[Laughing]

OH! LOOK AT TH lS JERK! JEEZ!

THE GUY'S DRUNK!

♪♪♪

[Murmuring, Chattering]

FUCKIN' ASSHOLE!

WANT SOME POPCORN? WELL, HAVE SOME!

AND A BEER!

[Laughing]

WHOO!

HERE, BUDDY!

LEAVE H lM ALONE!

[Man] MAYBE HE'S HURT.

I'M GONNA CALL AN AMBULANCE.

YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO THAT, SYD.

SO I WAS JUST SUPPOSED TO LET THEM MAKE

A POPCORN BALL OUT OF YOU?

MMM. NOT BAD.

YOU KNOW, MY MOTHER...

[Clears Throat] SHE USED TO TRIM THE TREE WITH TH lS STUFF.

I GUESS NOBODY DOES THAT ANYMORE.

MINE DOES.

MMM?

ARE YOU GOING HOME FOR CHRISTMAS?

MM-HMM.

WHERE'S HOME?

KANSAS.

KANSAS?

WHAT DO YOU DO FOR CHRISTMAS IN KANSAS?

WELL, THE WHOLE CLAN GATHERS TOGETHER.

WE HAVEN'T SEEN EACH OTHER IN ABOUT A YEAR,

SO WE PLOP DOWN IN FRONT OF THE TELEVISION SET

AND WATCH MIRACLE ON 34th STREET... FOR THE 34th TIME.

GREAT. WHAT ELSE?

AND...

[Sighs]

WE ALL GIVE EACH OTHER PRESENTS THAT WE DON'T NEED.

AND lF WE NEED THEM, THEY'RE ALL THE WRONG SIZE.

PRETTY AWFUL, HUH?

PRETTY N lCE.

- IT'LL BE GOOD TO SEE EDDIE. - TH lS YOUR BROTHER EDDIE?

MM-HMM.

OH, YEAH.

WHERE DO THE FEMALE REINDEER GO?

- OH, NO. NO. - COME ON.

[Sighs]

WHERE DO ALL THE FEMALE REINDEER GO

WHEN SANTA AND THE MALE REINDEER...

ARE OUT ON CHRISTMAS EVE?

THEY GO lNTO TOWN AND BLOW A FEW BUCKS.

[Laughing] OH, NO, NO, NO.

I'M SO SCARED FOR YOU.

OHH...

lT'LL BE A BREEZE.

FIRST MILLION YEARS WILL GO LIKE THAT.

SECOND MILLION... PHHFFT!

IT'S JUST SO UNFAIR.

NO, IT'S FAIR.

I'VE BEEN DEAD FOR FOUR YEARS NOW.

GAIL WAS RIGHT.

JUST TOOK A LITTLE POISON lNG FOR ME TO NOTICE.

YOU'RE MORE ALIVE THAN ANYBODY I EVER MET.

NO, SYD.

I FORGOT HOW TO APPRECIATE LIFE.

IT'S TOO LATE FOR ME.

TH lS lS LIFE.

RIGHT HERE.

RIGHT NOW.

TAKE lT.

♪♪♪

PLEASE.

♪♪♪

[Door Opens]

[Police Dispatcher] 2-BRAVO-6, 10-4. EN ROUTE.

CHECK lT OUT.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE COPS TOLD YOU, BUT I DIDN'T KILL COOKIE.

BERNARD DID. DIDN'T MEAN TO.

IT'S JUST THAT PEOPLE HAD TH lS HABIT OF DYING AROUND BERNARD.

DIDN'T THEY?

SO IT'S ALL COME FULL CIRCLE RIGHT BACK TO YOUR FRONT DOOR,

HASN'T lT, MISSUS?

NO, YOU BROUGHT lT TO MY DOOR.

AND YOU NEVER REALLY KNEW ANYTH lNG, DID YOU?

[Snorts] I KNOW YOU HAD QU lTE A LONG H lT LIST.

WE'VE BEEN AT CROSS-PURPOSES, SUSPECTING EACH OTHER UNJUSTLY.

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

YOUR DAUGHTER TOLD ME EVERY...

COOKIE WAS WRONG!

- I DIDN'T KILL N lCK. - I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!

I WANNA KNOW!

WHY WERE YOU SO OBSESSED ABOUT COOKIE AND N lCK?

WHO WAS HE TO YOU?

MY SON.

COOKIE NEVER KNEW.

BUT N lCK'S FATHER...

- THE MAN WHO KILLED YOUR HUSBAND. - ALSO MY HUSBAND.

ABANDONED ALONG WITH N lCK 20 YEARS AGO.

I DON'T KNOW HOW HE FOUND ME AFTER ALL THOSE YEARS,

BUT HE WAS HERE THAT N lGHT FOUR YEARS AGO TOGETHER WITH FITZWARING.

I ASKED H lM WHAT HE WANTED.

HE SAID NOT MUCH, CONSIDERING WHAT MY HUSBAND...

MY OTHER HUSBAND... HAD TO GIVE.

LANG HAD TOLD FITZWARING ALL ABOUT ME.

THERE WAS A SCENE...

UGLY WORDS LIKE "BIGAMY" AND "BLACKMAIL."

FITZWARING TOLD LANG TO LEAVE.

HE SAID THAT LANG WOULDN'T GET A N lCKEL.

HE TOLD ME TO LEAVE, TOO, WITHOUT OUR DAUGHTER.

HE SAID I WOULD NEVER SEE COOKIE AGAIN.

YOU MUST UNDERSTAND THAT WHAT I DID, I DID FOR MY DAUGHTER...

[Gunshot]

AND MY SON.

[Gunshot]

BERNARD UNDERSTOOD.

HE TOLD THE POLICE THAT A PROWLER HAD BROKEN IN,

HAD SHOT FITZWARING, ATTACKED ME.

THEN BERNARD AND THE PROWLER STRUGGLED FOR THE GUN.

LT WENT OFF.

THAT WAS OUR STORY.

N lCK WAS MY SON.

ALTHOUGH HE COULD NEVER KNOW THAT I WAS H lS MOTHER,

I WANTED H lM NEAR ME.

NOW HE'S GONE.

THEY'RE ALL GONE.

THERE'S NOTH lNG.

ALL TH lS TIME, THE WRONG TRAIL.

[Click]

[Gunshot]

GOD.

GOD!

GODDAMN lT! WHY?

DAMN lT!

[Grunting]

SH lT!

[Gasping]

[Coughs, Clears Throat]

♪♪♪

[Phone Busy Signal]

[Beeping]

IT'S DEX.

I'M IN MY OFFICE.

I NEED YOU.

[Hangs Up]

[Thunder Rumbling]

DEX?

HEY, DEX.

DEX? HEY.

HEY, BUDDY.

[Sighs]

- YOU DON'T LOOK SO GOOD. - WELL... I FEEL GOOD.

I'M ALIVE.

[Thunder Crashing]

HELL, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE, UH...

NEVER MORE ALIVE THAN WHEN YOU'RE ON THE EDGE OF DEATH.

CAN'T YOU FEEL lT, HAL?

I DON'T FEEL ANYTH lNG.

ONE FOR THE ROAD?

MERRY CHRISTMAS.

[Bangs Mug On Desk]

NO.

- WHY? - WHY WHAT?

- WHY DID YOU KILL ME? - WHAT ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?

WHERE DID YOU GET THE POISON?

I STOLE lT FROM THE MED CENTER...

THE N lGHT I WAS THERE WITH ELAINE.

PLANNED A LITTLE H I-HO SILVER.

SHE HAD AN EMERGENCY CALL, SHE LEFT THE KEYS.

WHY, GODDAMN lT?

- OUT OF WHACK. - WHAT?

ONE MINUTE AFTER I GIVE YOU THE DAMNED SCOTCH,

YOU TELL ME YOU DIDN'T READ lT.

READ WHAT? OUT OF WHACK.

N lCK LANG'S NOVEL?

WELL, I'M GONNA PASS lT OFF AS MY OWN.

I HAVE TO, MAN. IT'S FUCKIN' BRILLIANT.

IN MY BOOK...

[Chuckles] MY BOOK.

WELL, EVERYTH lNG ABOUT lT THAT WAS GOOD YOU HELPED ME WITH.

I WAS IN HERE LAST WEEK TRYING TO WORK ON lT.

I SEE N lCK LANG'S BOOK SITTIN' ON YOUR DESK.

SO I PICK lT UP, FIGURE I'D GET A FEW LAUGHS...

ABOUT HOW FULL OF SH lT TH lS KID lS.

[Thunder Continues]

I GUESS I KNEW WHAT I WAS GONNA DO BEFORE I EVEN GOT

TO THE LAST PAGE.

[Laughing]

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

[Laughing]

- WHAT'S SO FUNNY? - THAT'S WHAT ALL TH lS lS ABOUT?

SOME KID'S LOUSY HOMEWORK?

I JUST FIN lSHED TELLING YOU. IT'S NOT LOUSY.

IT'S ONE OF THE BEST DAMNED BOOKS I EVER READ.

THAT'S WHY I HAD TO DO lT.

NOT THAT I WAS SURE I COULD. I MEAN, LANG WAS EASY.

SMUG LITTLE SH lT. LIGHT AS A FEATHER.

JUST UP AND OVER AND BON VOYAGE.

BUT YOU... IN THE JOHN THE OTHER DAY, I WASN'T WORRIED ABOUT

ANY DAMNED PROMOTION.

WHY GAIL?

SHE HAD NOTH lNG TO DO WITH TH lS.

- WHY DID YOU HAVE TO KILL HER? - NO. THAT WAS YOUR FAULT.

THAT WAS YOUR FAULT.

I GOT ALL THE COPIES OUT OF LANG'S APARTMENT.

I PUT YOUR COPY IN THE DAMNED GARBAGE.

YOU PICKED lT UP, YOU PUT lT IN YOUR DAMNED BRIEFCASE.

- AND LEFT lT AT GAIL'S. - I GUESS SO.

I SAW lT THERE WHEN ELAINE AND I TOOK HER HOME THE OTHER N lGHT.

SO, YOU BURN lT.

SHE TRIED TO STOP YOU.

YOU BLUDGEONED HER, FRESHENED UP,

THEN WENT OUT FOR A N lGHT ON THE THEATER WITH A NAIL GUN.

I THOUGHT SHE FOUND SOMETH lNG OUT.

DON'T YOU SEE?

I HAD TO MAKE SURE THAT NOBODY KNEW SO THAT lT CAN BE MINE,

SO THAT EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT THAT BOOK lS MINE!

- THAT WAS WORTH SOMEBODY'S LIFE? - YEAH . MY LIFE.

WHY SHOULD THAT KID HAVE ALL THE BREAKS AND NOT ME?

JESUS, DEX.

HE WAS FUCKIN' YOUR WIFE, FOR CHRISSAKES.

YOU SHOULD BE GLAD THAT I KILLED H lM.

[Sighs]

SO WHO YOU GONNA KILL FOR YOUR SECOND NOVEL?

ALL I NEED lS JUST THAT ONE BULLSH lT BREAK.

AFTER TH lS BOOK COMES OUT, I CAN PUBLISH ANY DAMN TH lNG I WANT.

AND YOU CAN BET THAT I'M NOT GONNA REST ON MY LAURELS LIKE YOU DID.

WELL, AT LEAST THEY WERE MY LAURELS.

WHY DOES lT COME SO EASY TO GUYS LIKE YOU?

BIG DEX, YOU JUST CRU lSE IN HERE...

AND HELP OUT POOR LITTLE HAL ON H lS OUTLINE.

AND THEN YOU WALTZ OUT OF HERE.

YOU DON'T HAVE A FUCKING CLUE HOW HARD lT lS FOR ME,

HOW MUCH I STRUGGLED!

I'M GONNA HAVE MY SHOT!

I'M GONNA KNOW WHAT lT FEELS LIKE!

NO, YOU'LL NEVER KNOW.

THAT FEELING DOESN'T COME FROM MONEY, lT DOESN'T COME FROM FAME.

LT COMES FROM DOING THE WORK, HAL.

FROM REALIZING A VISION.

YOU TH lNK YOU CAN STEAL SOMEBODY ELSE'S PASSION?

ALL YOU GOT WAS PAPER AND lNK.

PASSION?

MAN, WHERE DO YOU GET OFF LECTURING ME ABOUT PASSION?

YOU LOST lT!

NO. I GOT lT BACK THESE LAST TWO DAYS.

- I HAD lT. - YOU HAD lT, ALL RIGHT.

YOU HAD lT, AND YOU PISSED lT AWAY.

MAN, DEX, YOU HAD A TALENT.

YOU HAD A TALENT OTHERS WOULD...

[Cocks Trigger]

KILL FOR?

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. KILL FOR.

ISN'T THAT WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT? PUBLISH OR PERISH?

[Coughing]

♪♪♪

[Screams] Oh!

PERISH.

JUST SOMEBODY'S HOMEWORK.

THAT WAS ALL.

[Snorts]

[Thunder Crashing]

♪♪♪