All language subtitles for The Big C S01E09 The Ecstasy And The Agony 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-Kitsune

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,534 --> 00:00:02,635    - PREVIOUSLY ON  THE BIG C...      2 00:00:02,669 --> 00:00:03,803  - I'VE DECIDED TO GO   TO THE BAHAMAS  3 00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:04,871     TO A FRIEND'S ART OPENING.  4 00:00:04,904 --> 00:00:06,740  - I WANT TO GO.   - REALLY?  5 00:00:06,773 --> 00:00:08,308  - FOR MY BIRTHDAY,       THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO DO.  6 00:00:08,341 --> 00:00:10,877  all:   SURPRISE!  7 00:00:10,910 --> 00:00:12,045  [doorbell rings]  8 00:00:12,078 --> 00:00:13,646  - HELLO.   - LENNY!  9 00:00:13,680 --> 00:00:14,714  HI.  10 00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:17,117      - YOU HAVEN'T BEEN HAPPY   FOR 20 YEARS?  11 00:00:17,150 --> 00:00:18,518  - IS THAT WHAT I SAID?  12 00:00:18,551 --> 00:00:20,320    - THAT'S BASICALLY THE ENTIRE      TIME YOU'VE KNOWN ME.  13 00:00:20,353 --> 00:00:21,821  HOW YOU DOING?   NICE TO SEE YOU?  14 00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,023  FUCK YOU!   SUCK MY DICK!  15 00:00:23,056 --> 00:00:24,891  - IT'S ME.   I'M COMING WITH YOU.  16 00:00:24,924 --> 00:00:27,027  [balloon pops]  17 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,269  [Leftover Cuties'   Game Called Life]  18 00:00:36,302 --> 00:00:38,304  - ♪ IT'S SO HARD ♪  19 00:00:38,338 --> 00:00:43,510     ♪ TO TURN YOUR LIFE OVER ♪  20 00:00:45,145 --> 00:00:47,047  ♪ STEP OUT ♪  21 00:00:47,080 --> 00:00:51,985      ♪ OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE ♪  22 00:00:53,953 --> 00:00:57,490  ♪ IS THIS   SOME KIND OF A JOKE? ♪  23 00:00:57,524 --> 00:01:02,262  ♪ WILL SOMEONE   WAKE ME UP SOON ♪  24 00:01:02,295 --> 00:01:07,700     ♪ AND TELL ME THIS WAS JUST       A GAME WE PLAY ♪  25 00:01:07,734 --> 00:01:13,073  ♪ CALLED LIFE? ♪  26 00:01:16,209 --> 00:01:18,711  - SLOWLY BACK--   SLOWLY BACK UP...  27 00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:19,646  AND STOP.  28 00:01:19,679 --> 00:01:22,449  STOP!   STOP.  29 00:01:22,482 --> 00:01:23,750  YOU DIDN'T DO   THE ONE-TWO-THREE.  30 00:01:23,783 --> 00:01:25,218    DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY CHILDREN     31 00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:27,587  ARE RUN OVER EVERY YEAR   BECAUSE PEOPLE DON'T DO  32 00:01:27,620 --> 00:01:29,222  THEIR ONE-TWO-THREES?  33 00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:32,592  - THEY'RE CALLED   "MIRRORS," MOM.  34 00:01:32,625 --> 00:01:37,230  DAD'S IN TWO.  35 00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:38,264  - WHAT ARE YOU DOING?  36 00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:39,532  - MOM'S TEACHING ME   HOW TO DRIVE.  37 00:01:39,566 --> 00:01:41,768  - WHAT THE HELL?   HE--HE'S 14.  38 00:01:41,801 --> 00:01:43,570    HE CAN'T EVEN GET HIS PERMIT       FOR A YEAR.  39 00:01:43,603 --> 00:01:45,972  - I'M NOT ALLOWING HIM   TO DRIVE.  40 00:01:46,005 --> 00:01:48,775  I'M TEACHING HIM   HOW TO DRIVE.  41 00:01:48,808 --> 00:01:50,810  I JUST THOUGHT   WE'D GET IT OVER WITH,  42 00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:53,113  AND I WANTED TO BE   THE ONE TO TEACH HIM.  43 00:01:53,146 --> 00:01:54,747  YOU NEVER USE   YOUR TURN SIGNALS.  44 00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:57,083  - I KNOW.   I'M A REAL MESS, HUH?  45 00:01:57,117 --> 00:02:00,019  OKAY, YOU TEACH HIM   HOW TO DRIVE.  46 00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:01,588    I'LL TEACH HIM HOW TO RUN OFF      TO THE BAHAMAS.  47 00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:03,823  OH, WAIT, MAYBE YOU      SHOULD TEACH HIM THAT TOO?  48 00:02:03,857 --> 00:02:05,492  - GUYS...  49 00:02:05,525 --> 00:02:07,727  THIS ISN'T FUN FOR ME.  50 00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:09,796  - SORRY, ADAM.  51 00:02:09,829 --> 00:02:11,131  SORRY, BUDDY.  52 00:02:11,164 --> 00:02:13,266      - CAN WE PLEASE BE CIVIL   IN FRONT OF HIM?  53 00:02:13,299 --> 00:02:14,801     - I DON'T KNOW HOW TO TALK   TO YOU ANYMORE  54 00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:16,603  WITHOUT BLOWING UP.  55 00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:18,972      I JUST CAME TO GET A SUIT   TO WEAR TO A DINNER  56 00:02:19,005 --> 00:02:20,073      CELEBRATING MY PROMOTION.  57 00:02:20,106 --> 00:02:21,808      - YOU GOT THE PROMOTION.  58 00:02:21,841 --> 00:02:24,477  OH, PAUL.  59 00:02:24,511 --> 00:02:25,845  CONGRATULATIONS.  60 00:02:25,879 --> 00:02:27,814  THAT'S HUGE.  61 00:02:27,847 --> 00:02:30,049  CONGRATULATIONS.  62 00:02:30,083 --> 00:02:32,218  DO YOU WANT--  63 00:02:32,252 --> 00:02:33,820  DO YOU NEED ME TO GO?  64 00:02:33,853 --> 00:02:36,089  - WHAT, SO YOU CAN SUCK   ALL THE JOY  65 00:02:36,122 --> 00:02:37,190  OUT OF THAT MOMENT   FOR ME TOO?  66 00:02:37,223 --> 00:02:38,424  AH, LOOK.   SEE?  67 00:02:38,458 --> 00:02:40,260  I CAN'T BE NICE.  68 00:02:40,293 --> 00:02:42,395  [scooter engine turns]  69 00:02:49,202 --> 00:02:52,672  - THIS SUCKS.  70 00:02:52,705 --> 00:02:54,307  SORRY FOR       THE NONMEDICAL LANGUAGE.  71 00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:55,642  - WELL, IF THEY'RE ONLY   GONNA PAY  72 00:02:55,675 --> 00:02:57,544  FOR 70% OF MY SCANS,   THEN I'M THINKING  73 00:02:57,577 --> 00:03:00,480     MAYBE I SHOULD ONLY PAY 70%       OF MY PREMIUMS.  74 00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:03,116     OR WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO SAVE       THE SCANS FOR FANCY OCCASIONS.     75 00:03:03,149 --> 00:03:05,318     YOU CAN'T BE PASSING THOSE   OUT LIKE MINTS.  76 00:03:05,351 --> 00:03:07,687  - INSURANCE INDUSTRY WORKS GREAT   IF YOU NEVER ACTUALLY GET SICK.    77 00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:11,324    - WELL, THAT SHIP HAS SAILED.     78 00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:14,294  HAVE WE HEARD ANYTHING       FROM THAT CLINICAL TRIAL?  79 00:03:14,327 --> 00:03:16,663  I MEAN, THOSE BABIES   ARE FREE, RIGHT?  80 00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:18,031  - THEY ARE, YEAH,  81 00:03:18,064 --> 00:03:19,999  AND I'LL LET YOU KNOW   AS SOON AS I HEAR.  82 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:21,701     - SO WHEN ARE YOU PROPOSING       TO HER?  83 00:03:21,734 --> 00:03:23,736  - HOW DID YOU--   HOW DID YOU KNOW?  84 00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:26,673    - THERE'S AN ENGAGEMENT RING       ON YOUR LAPTOP.  85 00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:29,409    SO EITHER YOU'VE JUST REMOVED          IT FROM SOMEONE'S COLON,  86 00:03:29,442 --> 00:03:32,011  OR YOU'RE POPPING   THE QUESTION.  87 00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,580  OR YOU'RE POPPING       THE QUESTION WITH A RING  88 00:03:33,613 --> 00:03:35,515  FROM SOMEONE'S COLON,   BUT LET'S HOPE NOT.  89 00:03:35,548 --> 00:03:38,718      - [chuckles] I-I'VE BEEN     THINKING ABOUT ASKING JULIE.      90 00:03:38,751 --> 00:03:40,420  YOU KNOW, IT'S TIME.  91 00:03:40,453 --> 00:03:42,555  - TIME?  92 00:03:42,589 --> 00:03:44,324  - WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER   FIVE YEARS.  93 00:03:44,357 --> 00:03:45,625  - [laughing]  94 00:03:45,658 --> 00:03:47,227  - WHAT?  95 00:03:47,260 --> 00:03:48,761  - NO, I'M SORRY.   IT JUST--  96 00:03:48,795 --> 00:03:50,630     NO, IT JUST--IT SOUNDS ODD.      97 00:03:50,663 --> 00:03:52,031  YOU KNOW, I JUST--  98 00:03:52,065 --> 00:03:53,700      I PICTURE THIS EGG TIMER   GOING OFF  99 00:03:53,733 --> 00:03:55,435  WHILE THE TWO OF YOU   ARE FOLDING LAUNDRY.  100 00:03:55,468 --> 00:03:57,303  YOU SUDDENLY GETTING   ON YOUR KNEE GOING,  101 00:03:57,337 --> 00:03:58,605  "OH, HONEY, IT'S TIME."  102 00:03:58,638 --> 00:04:01,441  - WELL, DOESN'T SOUND   VERY ROMANTIC WHEN YOU SAY THAT.  103 00:04:01,474 --> 00:04:03,009  - OH, YOU KNOW   WHAT IS ROMANTIC?  104 00:04:03,042 --> 00:04:05,712  THE BAHAMAS.  105 00:04:05,745 --> 00:04:07,080  - IS THAT WHERE YOU   AND PAUL WENT?  106 00:04:07,113 --> 00:04:08,214  - IT'S WHERE I WENT.  107 00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,283  LITTLE BIRTHDAY TREAT   FOR MYSELF.  108 00:04:10,316 --> 00:04:12,218      - HE DIDN'T WANT TO COME?  109 00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,920  - WE'RE SEPARATE  110 00:04:13,953 --> 00:04:16,990  - SERIOUSLY?  111 00:04:17,023 --> 00:04:21,794  SO FUCKING TYPICAL.  112 00:04:21,828 --> 00:04:24,330  THINGS GET ROUGH,   THE GUY BAILS.  113 00:04:24,364 --> 00:04:25,765      HOW CAN HE SLEEP AT NIGHT  114 00:04:25,798 --> 00:04:28,801      KNOWING HE'S LEAVING YOU   WHEN YOU'RE GOING THROUGH THIS?    115 00:04:28,835 --> 00:04:30,603  - IT'S COMPLICATED.   - NO, IT'S NOT.  116 00:04:30,637 --> 00:04:32,505  LOVING SOMEONE THROUGH SICKNESS     AND IN HEALTH?  117 00:04:32,538 --> 00:04:35,675  NOT COMPLICATED.  118 00:04:35,708 --> 00:04:39,112  - JULIE'S   SO GONNA SAY YES.  119 00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:48,321      IS THERE ANYTHING BETTER     THAN CHEWABLE VITAMINS, HMM?      120 00:04:48,354 --> 00:04:50,657  IT'S LIKE THEY TOOK   EVERYTHING THAT'S GOOD  121 00:04:50,690 --> 00:04:54,794      IN SUGAR AND FRUIT PUNCH   AND CHALK  122 00:04:54,827 --> 00:04:56,262  AND TURNED IT  123 00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,765  INTO THESE   MIRACLE LITTLE PILLS.  124 00:04:58,798 --> 00:05:02,535     I FOUND THESE ON THE FLOOR   AFTER CLASS.  125 00:05:02,568 --> 00:05:06,306      NOW, I AM NO DRUG EXPERT,  126 00:05:06,339 --> 00:05:08,041    BUT I KNOW MY CARTOON PILLS,      127 00:05:08,074 --> 00:05:09,709  AND THESE BABIES LOOK   MORE LIKE THEY WOULD  128 00:05:09,742 --> 00:05:11,678  RUIN YOUR COMPLEXION   AND COST YOUR PARENTS  129 00:05:11,711 --> 00:05:13,513      A FORTUNE IN BAIL MONEY.  130 00:05:13,546 --> 00:05:15,181  [bell rings]  131 00:05:15,214 --> 00:05:17,517    ANYBODY WANT TO CLAIM THESE?      132 00:05:17,550 --> 00:05:20,086  ANYBODY?  133 00:05:21,888 --> 00:05:23,489    ANDREA, DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING       ABOUT THESE?  134 00:05:23,523 --> 00:05:25,925  - NO, BUT TEXT ME      IF YOU FIND MY CRACK PIPE.  135 00:05:25,958 --> 00:05:27,760  I'M JONESING   LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER.  136 00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:29,529  - I'M NOT ACCUSING YOU   OF ANYTHING.  137 00:05:29,562 --> 00:05:32,098    - THEN WHAT ARE YOU ASKING ME      ABOUT DRUGS FOR?  138 00:05:32,131 --> 00:05:34,267  DON'T YOU KNOW   THAT RACIAL PROFILING IS RUDE?     139 00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:36,269  - I JUST THOUGHT   YOU MIGHT HAVE HEARD SOMETHING.    140 00:05:36,302 --> 00:05:38,237  - ACTUALLY,   I DID HEAR SOMETHING.  141 00:05:38,271 --> 00:05:39,439  - REALLY?  142 00:05:39,472 --> 00:05:44,043  - I HEARD IT'S NONE   OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS.  143 00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:47,313  - HEY, ANDREA.  144 00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:50,116  WELL, GOOD MORNING,   MS. JAMISON.  145 00:05:50,149 --> 00:05:51,317  - GOOD MORNING.  146 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:54,687  GETTING A LITTLE BOLD,   WOULDN'T YOU SAY?  147 00:05:54,721 --> 00:05:56,622     JUST WALTZING INTO MY CLASS       IN FRONT A STUDENT  148 00:05:56,656 --> 00:05:58,524     WITH A BRUSH IN YOUR HAND.  149 00:05:58,558 --> 00:06:01,394     - WELL, PERHAPS THE BAHAMAS       HAS MADE ME BOLD.  150 00:06:01,427 --> 00:06:03,896  - [chuckles]  151 00:06:03,930 --> 00:06:08,601  - WHAT ARE YOU DOING      WITH ECSTASY ON YOUR DESK?  152 00:06:08,634 --> 00:06:09,936  I WOULDN'T TAKE THESE   ALL AT ONCE,  153 00:06:09,969 --> 00:06:11,604      UNLESS YOU WANT TO SPEND   THE REST OF YOUR LIFE  154 00:06:11,637 --> 00:06:13,439     FEELING LIKE YOU'RE LIVING   IN A BAD DISNEY MOVIE.  155 00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:14,907  - WHAT DOES IT DO?  156 00:06:14,941 --> 00:06:17,610  - YOU'VE NEVER TAKEN "E" BEFORE?   - YOU HAVE?  157 00:06:17,643 --> 00:06:20,246     - [scoffs] HOW DO YOU THINK       I PAINT THOSE MURALS?  158 00:06:20,279 --> 00:06:21,948  [chuckles]  159 00:06:21,981 --> 00:06:24,250  - WELL, WHAT'S IT LIKE?  160 00:06:24,283 --> 00:06:27,687      - WELL, IT MAKES YOU FEEL   EUPHORIC, UNINHIBITED.  161 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:31,090      THEY TAKE THEM AT RAVES,      AND PEOPLE DANCE ALL NIGHT.      162 00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:33,459      MAKES YOU ESCAPE REALITY   FOR A WHILE.  163 00:06:33,493 --> 00:06:35,828      - I WAS ALWAYS TOO AFRAID   TO DO DRUGS.  164 00:06:35,862 --> 00:06:37,764  SMOKED A LITTLE POT,   CIGARETTES.  165 00:06:37,797 --> 00:06:39,031     YEAH, BUT THE HARD STUFF--  166 00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:40,733  I GUESS I WAS ALWAYS   TOO AFRAID  167 00:06:40,767 --> 00:06:42,335  I'D END UP FEELING   LIKE I WAS LIVING  168 00:06:42,368 --> 00:06:44,036  IN A BAD DISNEY MOVIE.  169 00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:46,472  - [chuckles]  170 00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:49,075  - DANG IT.   I CAN'T GET IT EVEN.  171 00:06:49,108 --> 00:06:50,309  - WELL, GOOD.      I DON'T WANT IT TO BE EVEN.      172 00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:52,011     - YOU KNOW WHAT'D BE SICK?  173 00:06:52,044 --> 00:06:53,880  IF YOU LET ME   SHAVE IT ALL OFF.  174 00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:56,382  - AND GIVE UP       MY JUST-BEEN-FUCKED LOOK?  175 00:06:56,449 --> 00:06:59,118    JUST TRIM IT AND CUT ANYTHING      KNOTTED OR MATTED.  176 00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:00,520  - ADAM!  177 00:07:00,553 --> 00:07:01,854  I GOT A MOVIE!  178 00:07:01,888 --> 00:07:03,856  I REALIZED I THINK WE NEED MORE     MUSIC IN OUR LIVES,  179 00:07:03,890 --> 00:07:07,460  SO I GOT  XANADU.  180 00:07:07,493 --> 00:07:10,096  WHY DOES MY KITCHEN FLOOR LOOK      LIKE IT'S GOING THROUGH PUBERTY?  181 00:07:10,129 --> 00:07:11,764  - I'M TEACHING YOUR SON   TO BARTER,  182 00:07:11,798 --> 00:07:14,100  SO HE'LL UNDERSTAND      HOW UTTERLY UNNATURAL IT IS      183 00:07:14,133 --> 00:07:15,301  TO SPEND MONEY.  184 00:07:15,334 --> 00:07:16,903  - UNCLE SEAN SAID   HE'D LET ME HAVE THIS  185 00:07:16,936 --> 00:07:18,704  IF I CUT HIS HAIR.  186 00:07:18,738 --> 00:07:20,072  - LITTLE BLING  187 00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:22,842  FOR THE LITTLE MAN'S   BIG NIGHT OUT.  188 00:07:22,875 --> 00:07:24,076     - WHAT'S BIG ABOUT TONIGHT?      189 00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:26,112  - OH, I'M JUST GOING   TO A PARTY WITH BRENT.  190 00:07:26,145 --> 00:07:27,814  - WHAT PARTY?  191 00:07:27,847 --> 00:07:29,048  IT'S A MONDAY.  192 00:07:29,081 --> 00:07:30,683  WHO THROWS PARTIES   ON A MONDAY?  193 00:07:30,716 --> 00:07:32,084  - HMM, IT'S SUMMER.  194 00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:33,419  - IS IT A RAVE?  195 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,288  PEOPLE DO WEIRD THINGS   AT RAVES.  196 00:07:35,321 --> 00:07:36,823  - NO, THERE ARE   GONNA BE ADULTS, MOM.  197 00:07:36,856 --> 00:07:38,458  IT'S A BIRTHDAY PARTY   FOR BRENT'S COUSIN,  198 00:07:38,491 --> 00:07:40,359  I'LL CRASH   AT BRENT'S HOUSE.  199 00:07:40,393 --> 00:07:42,094  OH, AND LOOK...  200 00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:44,263  OFF YOUR LIST   OF THREE SURVIVAL MEALS  201 00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:45,898  I HAVE TO MAKE   BEFORE SUMMER'S OUT  202 00:07:45,932 --> 00:07:47,934      AND ONE ROMANTIC DESSERT,  203 00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:51,804    I GIVE YOU CHOCOLATE MOUSSE.      204 00:07:53,940 --> 00:07:56,275  MADAME.  205 00:08:04,383 --> 00:08:06,085  - YOU CAN GO.  206 00:08:06,118 --> 00:08:07,353  - YES!  207 00:08:07,386 --> 00:08:11,257  [doorbell rings]  208 00:08:11,290 --> 00:08:12,725  - OW!   - YOU'RE DONE.  209 00:08:12,758 --> 00:08:14,994     - SORRY TO BARGE IN ON YOU,      210 00:08:15,027 --> 00:08:16,596  BUT MY FREEZER'S   ON THE BLINK AGAIN,  211 00:08:16,629 --> 00:08:20,299     AND WITHOUT MY COLD FRESCA,       I CAN'T EAT MY DINNER.  212 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,568  EDDIE ALWAYS FIXED   THESE THINGS.  213 00:08:22,602 --> 00:08:24,237  THINK I COULD BORROW   SOME ICE CUBES?  214 00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:26,038  - SURE, MARLENE.  215 00:08:26,072 --> 00:08:27,240  - HEY, MARLENE,   HOW OLD ARE YOU?  216 00:08:27,273 --> 00:08:28,641  - SEAN.  217 00:08:28,674 --> 00:08:31,210  - 79 AND COUNTING.   WHY?  218 00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:32,712  - I GOT A BUDDY OF MINE   AROUND YOUR AGE  219 00:08:32,745 --> 00:08:33,980  I THINK YOU MIGHT LIKE.  220 00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:36,649     - YOU TRYING TO FIX ME UP?  221 00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:38,584    - WELL, I-I-I COULD CHAPERONE      IF YOU LIKE.  222 00:08:38,618 --> 00:08:40,219  I THINK YOU AND EARL   MIGHT JUST HIT IT OFF.  223 00:08:40,253 --> 00:08:41,287  - WHY?  224 00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:43,856     DO YOU THINK ALL OLD PEOPLE       ARE SOUL MATES?  225 00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:45,958      - HEY, IF YOU WANT TO SIT       AROUND MAKING ICE CUBES,  226 00:08:45,992 --> 00:08:47,159  BE MY GUEST.  227 00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:49,128     BE 79 YEARS OLD AND PICKY.  228 00:08:49,161 --> 00:08:50,730  GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.  229 00:08:50,763 --> 00:08:52,532  - FINE.   SET ME UP, CUPID.  230 00:08:52,565 --> 00:08:54,734  [cell phone rings]  231 00:08:54,767 --> 00:08:57,003      - OH, I GOT TO TAKE THIS.   EXCUSE ME.  232 00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:59,672  HEY.  233 00:09:01,774 --> 00:09:04,076  WAIT, ONE SECOND.  234 00:09:06,345 --> 00:09:07,513  HI.  235 00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:08,915  - HI.   IT'S, UH, DR. MAUER.  236 00:09:08,948 --> 00:09:10,283  - NO, I KNOW.  237 00:09:10,316 --> 00:09:12,184  I HAVE YOU   UNDER "CAPITAL 'C'."  238 00:09:12,218 --> 00:09:14,420      - OH, THAT'S DEPRESSING.  239 00:09:14,453 --> 00:09:17,423    UM, LOOK, I'M JUST GONNA RIP       THE BAND-AID OFF HERE.  240 00:09:17,456 --> 00:09:20,092  THE CLINICAL TRIAL      IS ONLY ACCEPTING PATIENTS  241 00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:22,728    WHO HAVE HAD PRIOR TREATMENT.     242 00:09:22,762 --> 00:09:24,430  - I WAS TRYING TO GET   INTO THIS TRIAL  243 00:09:24,463 --> 00:09:25,932  TO GET TREATMENT.  244 00:09:25,965 --> 00:09:30,536  SO IT TURNS OUT I HAVE TO HAVE      HAD TREATMENT TO GET TREATMENT?    245 00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:33,172      THAT'S A REAL CANCER-22.  246 00:09:33,205 --> 00:09:34,907  - WELL, LOOK, EVERY      CLINICAL TRIAL'S DIFFERENT.      247 00:09:34,941 --> 00:09:37,610  WE'LL, UM--WE'LL TRY   FOR THE NEXT ONE.  248 00:09:37,643 --> 00:09:40,313  - YOU DO THAT.  249 00:09:40,346 --> 00:09:43,649  GO READ AN X-RAY.  250 00:09:43,683 --> 00:09:45,818  [cell phone beeps]  251 00:09:50,089 --> 00:09:53,192  [sighs]  252 00:09:55,795 --> 00:09:58,931  [keypad beeping]  253 00:10:05,404 --> 00:10:07,540  I NEED AN ESCAPE.  254 00:10:10,042 --> 00:10:11,711  [reggae music plays over radio]    255 00:10:11,744 --> 00:10:13,412     SO WHEN AM I GONNA FEEL IT?      256 00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:15,114  - ANY MINUTE NOW.  257 00:10:15,147 --> 00:10:16,716  THERE'S NOTHING   TO BE NERVOUS ABOUT.  258 00:10:16,749 --> 00:10:19,452  - EXCEPT ACCORDING      TO THE INTERNET, THERE IS.  259 00:10:19,485 --> 00:10:21,387     UH, I MEAN, I'M REALLY GLAD       THAT WE'RE DOING THIS,  260 00:10:21,420 --> 00:10:23,856    BUT APPARENTLY ALL THAT RAVE         DANCING IS LIFE-THREATENING.      261 00:10:23,889 --> 00:10:25,124  - [chuckles]  262 00:10:25,157 --> 00:10:26,959  - NO, WE COULD GET HYPOTHERMIA.    263 00:10:26,993 --> 00:10:30,062    OUR ORGANS COULD SLOWLY BAKE       INSIDE OF US  264 00:10:30,096 --> 00:10:31,130  TILL THEY SHUT DOWN.  265 00:10:31,163 --> 00:10:32,331      - YOU'RE BEING PARANOID.  266 00:10:32,365 --> 00:10:34,333  - THE INTERNET SAID   THAT WOULD HAPPEN TOO.  267 00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:38,037  JUST--JUST DON'T PLAY ANY MUSIC     I CAN DANCE TO,  268 00:10:38,070 --> 00:10:39,372  ESPECIALLY ABBA.  269 00:10:39,405 --> 00:10:40,539  - [laughs]  270 00:10:40,573 --> 00:10:41,874      - NO, HONESTLY, DO NOT--  271 00:10:41,907 --> 00:10:43,876  DO NOT PLAY ABBA.   - OKAY.  272 00:10:43,909 --> 00:10:45,444  - IT WOULD--  273 00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:49,048  THAT WOULD LITERALLY   GIVE ME KIDNEY FAILURE.  274 00:10:49,081 --> 00:10:52,284      - YOU'LL--YOU'LL BE SAFE,   ALL RIGHT?  275 00:10:52,318 --> 00:10:54,687  I PROMISE IT.  276 00:10:54,720 --> 00:10:56,622  - MAYBE IF THE INTERNET   HAD AN ENGLISH ACCENT,  277 00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,691  IT WOULDN'T SOUND   AS SCARY AS IT DOES.  278 00:10:58,724 --> 00:11:01,227  [both chuckling]  279 00:11:01,260 --> 00:11:03,596  [rap music plays]  280 00:11:03,629 --> 00:11:04,797  - HEY, TREVOR,   THANKS FOR TAKING US.  281 00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:06,832     I MEAN, MY MOM WOULD CHOKE   ON HER TONGUE  282 00:11:06,866 --> 00:11:08,367  IF SHE KNEW      THERE WERE NO PARENTS HERE.      283 00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:09,835  - DON'T THANK   MY DICKHEAD BROTHER.  284 00:11:09,869 --> 00:11:11,971  I'M WASHING HIS CAR      FOR A MONTH FOR DRIVING US.      285 00:11:12,004 --> 00:11:13,339     - YEAH, INCLUDING THE RIMS.      286 00:11:13,372 --> 00:11:15,141  LATER, LADIES.  287 00:11:15,174 --> 00:11:16,242  - EW.  288 00:11:16,275 --> 00:11:18,177  WHO THE FUCK LET IN   A COUPLE OF FRESHMEN?  289 00:11:18,210 --> 00:11:21,480  - HEY, ANDREA.   WHAT'S UP?  290 00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:23,049  COOL PARTY, HUH?  291 00:11:23,082 --> 00:11:24,984      - YEAH, IF YOU'RE LOOKING   FOR THE BOUNCY CASTLE,  292 00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:26,285  THERE ISN'T ONE.  293 00:11:26,318 --> 00:11:27,286  - SHUT UP.  294 00:11:27,319 --> 00:11:28,721     YOU'RE ONLY TWO YEARS OLDER       THAN ME.  295 00:11:28,754 --> 00:11:30,222    - WHICH I WHY I WAS INVITED.      296 00:11:30,256 --> 00:11:31,557  COME ON.  297 00:11:31,590 --> 00:11:33,926  I'LL SHOW YOU       WHERE ALL THE DRINKS ARE.  298 00:11:33,959 --> 00:11:35,561  MAYBE WE CAN FIND   A SIPPY CUP.  299 00:11:35,594 --> 00:11:37,563     - WHERE DO YOU THINK WE GO?      300 00:11:37,596 --> 00:11:39,365     I MEAN, WHEN WE GO, LENNY,  301 00:11:39,398 --> 00:11:41,133      WHERE DO YOU THINK WE GO?  302 00:11:41,167 --> 00:11:42,968  - I MEAN, I THINK   THAT THE ENERGY  303 00:11:43,002 --> 00:11:45,538      JUST STAYS IN THE EARTH,   IN THE AIR.  304 00:11:45,571 --> 00:11:48,507  ENERGY--   IT CAN'T BE DESTROYED,  305 00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:53,412  SO I THINK WE BECOME   A PART OF EVERYTHING.  306 00:11:55,648 --> 00:11:58,484  - I THINK       YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.  307 00:11:58,517 --> 00:12:00,086  WE BECOME A PART   OF EVERYTHING.  308 00:12:00,119 --> 00:12:01,721  WE'RE EVERYWHERE.   - RIGHT.  309 00:12:01,754 --> 00:12:03,222  - I'VE WRESTLED   WITH THIS QUESTION,  310 00:12:03,255 --> 00:12:04,724  BUT, GOD, THE--  311 00:12:04,757 --> 00:12:05,991  GOD, THE ANSWER   IS SO OBVIOUS.  312 00:12:06,025 --> 00:12:07,560  - OH.  313 00:12:07,593 --> 00:12:10,329  YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL.  314 00:12:10,362 --> 00:12:11,630      - I'M NOT AFRAID ANYMORE.  315 00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:13,132    - WHAT AREN'T YOU AFRAID OF?      316 00:12:13,165 --> 00:12:15,801  - ANYTHING.  317 00:12:15,835 --> 00:12:18,237  DEATH...  318 00:12:18,270 --> 00:12:19,739  SHARKS...  319 00:12:19,772 --> 00:12:20,906  ANYTHING.  320 00:12:20,940 --> 00:12:24,043    - YEAH, WHAT ABOUT BIG CATS,       LIKE--LIKE LIONS?  321 00:12:24,076 --> 00:12:25,511  - NOPE.   - NOPE?  322 00:12:25,544 --> 00:12:29,014  [chuckles]  323 00:12:29,048 --> 00:12:31,684  - I'M HOT.  324 00:12:31,717 --> 00:12:32,785  ARE YOU HOT?  325 00:12:32,818 --> 00:12:34,453  - [chuckles]  326 00:12:37,723 --> 00:12:38,958  - [chuckles]  327 00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:42,194  - CATHY?  328 00:12:42,228 --> 00:12:43,662  IT'S PAUL!   GOT MY SUIT!  329 00:12:43,696 --> 00:12:45,231  FORGOT MY TIE!  330 00:12:45,264 --> 00:12:47,867  MAYBE I'LL GET   THE ONE YOU GAVE ME  331 00:12:47,900 --> 00:12:49,902  FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY!  332 00:12:49,935 --> 00:12:54,039    EH, MAYBE I'LL SHRED THAT ONE      AND GET ANOTHER ONE.  333 00:13:17,830 --> 00:13:19,899     - EVERYTHING LOOKS SO GOOD.      334 00:13:19,932 --> 00:13:21,600  I'D GO FOR THE CORN   ON THE COB,  335 00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,335  BUT I DIDN'T BRING   MY GOOD TEETH.  336 00:13:23,369 --> 00:13:25,871    - AND IF I'D KNOWN THEY WERE       GONNA BRING US ALL THIS BREAD,     337 00:13:25,905 --> 00:13:27,606  I WOULD HAVE BROUGHT   MY BIG PURSE.  338 00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:28,941  - THIS IS GOOD.  339 00:13:28,974 --> 00:13:31,811      I HAD A FEELING YOU GUYS      HAD THE SAME SENSIBILITIES.      340 00:13:31,844 --> 00:13:36,015     - YOU KNOW WHAT I'D REALLY   LIKE TO EAT?  341 00:13:36,048 --> 00:13:39,518  YOU.  342 00:13:39,552 --> 00:13:42,488  - UH, EASY THERE, EARL.  343 00:13:42,521 --> 00:13:44,723  START SLOW.  344 00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:46,158  I APOLOGIZE, MARLENE.  345 00:13:46,192 --> 00:13:47,660  - APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT?  346 00:13:47,693 --> 00:13:49,495     HEY, I MAY BE 82 YEARS OLD,      347 00:13:49,528 --> 00:13:54,166  BUT I GOT A TONGUE THAT CAN LICK      THE PAINT OFF AN OUTHOUSE.  348 00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:57,069  [jazzy lounge music]  349 00:13:57,102 --> 00:13:59,605  ♪ ♪  350 00:13:59,638 --> 00:14:00,806  - SORRY, EVERYONE.  351 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:04,043      I WAS DETAINED AT THE BAR   BY A LOVELY BARTENDER  352 00:14:04,076 --> 00:14:07,847  WHO UNDERSTANDS THE DEFINITION      OF THE "GENEROUS POUR."  353 00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:09,181  [laughter]  354 00:14:09,215 --> 00:14:10,416  - WHERE'S CATHY?  355 00:14:10,449 --> 00:14:12,484     - OH, SHE COULDN'T MAKE IT.      356 00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:15,287    I JUST FOUND OUT THAT SHE HAD      A PREVIOUS COMMITMENT.  357 00:14:15,321 --> 00:14:16,589  I'M SO SORRY.  358 00:14:16,622 --> 00:14:18,224  - OH, I'M SO SORRY   SHE CAN'T JOIN US,  359 00:14:18,257 --> 00:14:20,960     BUT WE'LL TRY NOT TO LET IT       DAMPEN OUR CELEBRATION.  360 00:14:20,993 --> 00:14:22,294  NOW, UH...  361 00:14:22,328 --> 00:14:23,662  PAUL, NICK,  362 00:14:23,696 --> 00:14:25,931  I AM SO THRILLED   TO HAVE YOU  363 00:14:25,965 --> 00:14:29,301      AS MY NEW VICE PRESIDENTS   OF CREATIVE SERVICES.  364 00:14:29,335 --> 00:14:31,070  CONGRATULATIONS.   - CONGRATULATIONS.  365 00:14:31,103 --> 00:14:33,005  - WELL DONE.  366 00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:42,748  - AHH!  367 00:14:42,781 --> 00:14:44,617  WHERE'S THE DUDE?  368 00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:46,252  DUDE?  369 00:14:46,285 --> 00:14:48,287  DUDE?  370 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:52,358     - I'M SO LUCKY TO KNOW YOU,      371 00:14:52,391 --> 00:14:54,426  AND I'M SO LUCKY   TO HAVE MET YOU.  372 00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:56,929  - [giggles]  373 00:14:56,962 --> 00:15:00,032  I FEEL REALLY LUCKY,  374 00:15:00,065 --> 00:15:02,301      AND I'M BEGINNING TO FEEL   FOR THE FIRST TIME,  375 00:15:02,334 --> 00:15:04,470     FINALLY, THAT EVERYTHING'S   GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.  376 00:15:04,503 --> 00:15:06,739     - IT IS GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.      377 00:15:06,772 --> 00:15:09,275      - MAYBE I DON'T HAVE TO--  378 00:15:09,308 --> 00:15:11,343    I DON'T HAVE TO WORK SO HARD.     379 00:15:11,377 --> 00:15:13,779  I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY SO MUCH.      I DON'T EVEN HAVE TO RAISE ADAM.  380 00:15:13,812 --> 00:15:16,882  HE WILL BE RAISED...   BY THE WORLD.  381 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,717  HE'LL BE OKAY   WITH THE REST OF IT.  382 00:15:18,751 --> 00:15:22,288  AND IT'S NOT EVEN--   IT'S NOT EVEN WHAT I SAY, IS IT?  383 00:15:22,321 --> 00:15:23,522  I-I-I JUST--  384 00:15:23,555 --> 00:15:25,591  I SHOULD QUIT TALKING   TO ADAM ALTOGETHER.  385 00:15:25,624 --> 00:15:28,994     I SHOULD EXIST AROUND HIM,  386 00:15:29,028 --> 00:15:33,132  SO HE KNOWS   THAT I'M THERE, BUT...  387 00:15:33,165 --> 00:15:36,568  NO WORDS.  388 00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:39,038  NO WORDS.  389 00:15:39,071 --> 00:15:42,141  HMM.  390 00:15:42,174 --> 00:15:44,510    YOU WANT TO SEE MY POOL HOLE?     391 00:15:44,543 --> 00:15:47,313  [both laugh]  392 00:15:47,346 --> 00:15:50,816    I HAVE AN AWESOME POOL HOLE.      393 00:15:50,849 --> 00:15:53,018  - [laughs]  394 00:15:53,052 --> 00:15:55,120  - HMM?  395 00:15:55,154 --> 00:15:56,989  - EARL, WHY DON'T YOU   TELL MARLENE  396 00:15:57,022 --> 00:15:58,657    A LITTLE BIT ABOUT YOURSELF?      397 00:15:58,691 --> 00:16:00,025  - ALL RIGHT.  398 00:16:00,059 --> 00:16:02,594  LOOK, MARLENE, I COULD TELL YOU        I MOVED HERE FROM BROOKLYN,      399 00:16:02,628 --> 00:16:05,030  SERVED IN KOREA,   THREE BROTHERS,  400 00:16:05,064 --> 00:16:07,333    BUT THE ONLY THING YOU REALLY      HAVE TO KNOW ABOUT ME  401 00:16:07,366 --> 00:16:08,367  IS IN MY PANTS.  402 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:09,768  - OH, MY GOD.  403 00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,603  - IS THAT SO?  404 00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:14,306     - I'VE GOT THE BIGGEST PAIR           OF NUTS YOU'VE EVER SEEN.  405 00:16:14,340 --> 00:16:15,808  - JESUS, EARL!  406 00:16:15,841 --> 00:16:17,743  THIS IS NOT      POLITE DINNER CONVERSATION.      407 00:16:17,776 --> 00:16:20,913  IT'S NOT EVEN     BACHELOR-PARTY CONVERSATION.      408 00:16:20,946 --> 00:16:22,648  - AND MY DICK   AIN'T BAD EITHER,  409 00:16:22,681 --> 00:16:26,151  THOUGH IT LOOKS SMALLER AGAINST       MY BALLS THAN IT REALLY IS--      410 00:16:26,185 --> 00:16:27,519  OPTICAL ILLUSION.  411 00:16:27,553 --> 00:16:28,954  [utensil clangs]   OH!  412 00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,155  [grunts]   JEEZ.  413 00:16:30,189 --> 00:16:32,257  ULD YOU GET THAT       FOR ME, PLEASE, MARLENE?  414 00:16:32,291 --> 00:16:36,362  - I GOT IT.   I GOT IT.  415 00:16:36,395 --> 00:16:38,430  JESUS CHRIST, EARL!  416 00:16:38,464 --> 00:16:39,898     - IT WASN'T MEANT FOR YOU.  417 00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:41,266  IT WAS MEANT FOR HER.  418 00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:43,435  - SEAN, COULD I SPEAK   TO YOU ALONE?  419 00:16:43,469 --> 00:16:45,137  - WHAT?  420 00:16:48,307 --> 00:16:50,042  - [gasps]   EXCUSE ME.  421 00:16:50,075 --> 00:16:52,578      - UM, IT'S OKAY, LADIES.  422 00:16:52,611 --> 00:16:54,179  I'M TRANSGENDER.  423 00:16:54,213 --> 00:16:55,848  HE'S A HORRIBLE DOCTOR.  424 00:16:55,881 --> 00:16:58,317      DON'T ASK FOR HIS NUMBER.  425 00:16:58,350 --> 00:16:59,885      I-I'M SO SORRY, MARLENE.  426 00:16:59,918 --> 00:17:01,553  I-I-I'VE KNOWN EARL   FOR A WHILE,  427 00:17:01,587 --> 00:17:02,955  BUT I GUESS   I'VE NEVER REALLY BEEN  428 00:17:02,988 --> 00:17:04,890  IN A SOCIAL SITUATION   WITH HIM.  429 00:17:04,923 --> 00:17:06,425     - STOP GETTING IN THE WAY.  430 00:17:06,458 --> 00:17:08,394  - I-I'M SORRY?   - YOU HEARD ME.  431 00:17:08,427 --> 00:17:10,729  I'M AN OLD WOMAN   WHO DOESN'T GET A LOT  432 00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:12,197     OF OPPORTUNITIES WITH MEN,  433 00:17:12,231 --> 00:17:15,467      ESPECIALLY ONE SO CLEARLY   READY FOR RELATIONS.  434 00:17:15,501 --> 00:17:17,369  I DIDN'T AGREE   TO COME TONIGHT  435 00:17:17,403 --> 00:17:20,139  BECAUSE I'M LOOKING     FOR SOMEONE TO GROW OLD WITH.     436 00:17:20,172 --> 00:17:24,743  I'M ALREADY OLD,     AND OLD PEOPLE GET HORNY TOO,     437 00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:28,347      SO QUIT COCK-BLOCKING ME.  438 00:17:32,151 --> 00:17:34,153  - DUDE, CHECK OUT THIS STATUE.     439 00:17:34,186 --> 00:17:35,721  - YEAH.  440 00:17:35,754 --> 00:17:37,923  - SHE'S GOT   SOME LONG-ASS TITTIES.  441 00:17:37,956 --> 00:17:39,458  - LOOKS LIKE A COUPLE   OF TORPEDOES  442 00:17:39,491 --> 00:17:41,493  FLEW IN HER BACK     AND GOT CAUGHT IN HER CHEST.      443 00:17:41,527 --> 00:17:44,329  - SHE COULD USE THOSE   AS NUNCHUCKS.  444 00:17:44,363 --> 00:17:45,664  - [imitating nunchakus flailing]  445 00:17:45,697 --> 00:17:46,932  [both laugh]  446 00:17:46,965 --> 00:17:48,333  - DUDE, THERE'S   THIS GIRL UPSTAIRS,  447 00:17:48,367 --> 00:17:49,535  AND SHE'S REALLY DRUNK,   AND SHE'S FUCKING  448 00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:50,969  ANY GUY WHO WANTS TO GET LAID.     449 00:17:51,003 --> 00:17:52,271  - THAT'S PATHETIC.  450 00:17:52,304 --> 00:17:53,839  - MEGAN NEEDS A VIRGIN.  451 00:17:53,872 --> 00:17:55,607  - SERIOUSLY?  452 00:17:55,641 --> 00:17:57,876  - WHO WANTS TO POP   THEIR CHERRY?  453 00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,812  WHO THE FUCK IN HERE'S   A LAME-ASS VIRGIN?  454 00:17:59,845 --> 00:18:02,381  OH, ADAM.  455 00:18:02,414 --> 00:18:04,149  - NO, THANKS, DUDE.   I'M GOOD.  456 00:18:04,183 --> 00:18:06,085  - WHAT ARE YOU,   A PUSSY?  457 00:18:06,118 --> 00:18:08,821      [slowly begins chanting]   VIRGIN...  458 00:18:08,854 --> 00:18:09,955  VIRGIN.  459 00:18:09,988 --> 00:18:11,056  VIRGIN!  460 00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:14,293  all:   VIRGIN! VIRGIN! VIRGIN!  461 00:18:14,326 --> 00:18:16,829  VIRGIN! VIRGIN!  462 00:18:16,862 --> 00:18:17,863  - HE'S NOT A VIRGIN.  463 00:18:17,896 --> 00:18:19,298  - HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?  464 00:18:19,331 --> 00:18:21,500  - TRUST ME.   - HOLY SHIT.  465 00:18:21,533 --> 00:18:23,969      YOU SLEPT WITH THIS COW?  466 00:18:24,002 --> 00:18:26,105  - WHAT? NO.   NO WAY.  467 00:18:26,138 --> 00:18:30,476  - FUCK YOU.  468 00:18:33,412 --> 00:18:35,447  - DON'T MIND IF I DO.  469 00:18:35,481 --> 00:18:38,417  [chuckles]  470 00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:40,419  - SO, NICK, I HEARD   THAT YOU AND ANDY  471 00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:42,121    GOT A NEW PLACE IN ST. PAUL.      472 00:18:42,154 --> 00:18:44,189     - WE DID. WE BOUGHT A LOFT   IN THE LOWRY BUILDING.  473 00:18:44,223 --> 00:18:45,157  - NICE.  474 00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:46,758  - BUT THAT'S NOT   OUR BIGGEST NEWS.  475 00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:49,328  UM, TONIGHT'S KIND   OF A DOUBLE CELEBRATION  476 00:18:49,361 --> 00:18:50,496  FOR ANDY AND ME.  477 00:18:50,529 --> 00:18:53,298  OF--OF COURSE,       THERE'S OUR PROMOTION...  478 00:18:53,332 --> 00:18:57,402  BUT, UH, LAST WEEK,   ANDY AND I GOT MARRIED.  479 00:18:57,436 --> 00:19:00,072  - YEAH, WE DROVE DOWN   TO MASON CITY, IOWA,  480 00:19:00,105 --> 00:19:01,507  AND WE TIED   THE OLD RAINBOW KNOT.  481 00:19:01,540 --> 00:19:03,275      - WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT     THERE'D BE A SHINING EXAMPLE      482 00:19:03,308 --> 00:19:05,611  OF TOLERANCE, LIKE,   JUST 200 MILES AWAY?  483 00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:07,579  [laughter]   - THAT'S GREAT.  484 00:19:07,613 --> 00:19:09,715  - THAT'S TERRIFIC.   - THANK YOU.  485 00:19:11,583 --> 00:19:13,552     - YOU KNOW WHAT I DON'T GET       ABOUT GAY MARRIAGE?  486 00:19:13,585 --> 00:19:15,020  TWO THINGS.  487 00:19:15,053 --> 00:19:16,822  FIRST OF ALL, ASS SEX.  488 00:19:16,855 --> 00:19:20,292  SUPPORT IT, SUPPORT IT.   DON'T GET IT.  489 00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:22,494  BUT WHAT I REALLY   DON'T UNDERSTAND IS...  490 00:19:22,528 --> 00:19:25,264  WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU WANT TO      GET MARRIED IN THE FIRST PLACE?    491 00:19:25,297 --> 00:19:28,367      - WELL, TO ENJOY THE SAME   RIGHTS AND PRIVILEGES  492 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:29,935  AS ALL THE--       - AND PAIN AND HEARTACHE.  493 00:19:29,968 --> 00:19:32,271  SAY YOU'RE JUST LIVING TOGETHER,   AND THINGS GO SOUTH.  494 00:19:32,304 --> 00:19:34,473  YOU WAKE UP ONE DAY,   AND YOU GO,  495 00:19:34,506 --> 00:19:36,642  "YOU KNOW, THIS GUY'S     HAD BAD BREATH ALL THE TIME,      496 00:19:36,675 --> 00:19:38,744  "BUT TODAY   HIS BREATH IS SO BAD,  497 00:19:38,777 --> 00:19:40,879  I'M GONNA END THE RELATIONSHIP."   YOU JUST WALK.  498 00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:43,782  YOU KNOW, BUT IF YOU COMMITTED          A LIFETIME TO EACH OTHER  499 00:19:43,815 --> 00:19:45,551  AND SOMEBODY WALKS,  500 00:19:45,584 --> 00:19:48,487  IT'S LIKE      OPEN-FUCKING-HEART SURGERY  501 00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:49,688  WITHOUT THE ANESTHESIA.  502 00:19:49,721 --> 00:19:50,889  - PAUL, YOU'RE DRUNK.  503 00:19:50,923 --> 00:19:52,891  - NICK,   DING, DING, DING, DING.  504 00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:54,326  YOU'RE RIGHT.  505 00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:57,296  BUT THIS I KNOW.   I KNOW THIS.  506 00:19:57,329 --> 00:19:59,565  MARRIAGE     IS A SUFFOCATING DEATH TRAP,      507 00:19:59,598 --> 00:20:01,366  AND MONOGAMY   IS A FUCKING MYTH.  508 00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:02,734  YOU KNOW WHAT   MARRIAGE NEEDS?  509 00:20:02,768 --> 00:20:04,069     TO BE PUNCHED IN THE BALLS.      510 00:20:04,102 --> 00:20:05,837    THAT'S WHAT MARRIAGE NEEDS--       SWIFT KICK IN THE NUTS.  511 00:20:05,871 --> 00:20:07,372  - OKAY, PAUL,   THAT'S ENOUGH.  512 00:20:07,406 --> 00:20:09,408      OBVIOUSLY, YOU AND CATHY      HAVE SOME PERSONAL ISSUES.  513 00:20:09,441 --> 00:20:11,944  - FUCK YOU, SIMON.       YOU TELL ME THAT'S ENOUGH  514 00:20:11,977 --> 00:20:15,514  WHEN YOU FIND YOUR WIFE   FUCKING A BLACK GUY.  515 00:20:20,085 --> 00:20:23,188     FYI--IF YOU DO EVER DECIDE   TO DO THAT, DANIELLE,  516 00:20:23,222 --> 00:20:24,957      PLEASE HAVE THE COURTESY   TO NOT DO IT  517 00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:28,393    IN YOUR OWN FUCKING BACKYARD.     518 00:20:41,607 --> 00:20:43,175    - WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?      519 00:20:43,208 --> 00:20:44,710      - THEY WERE JUST JOKING.  520 00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:47,079  - AND WHAT'S   YOUR EXCUSE, ASSHOLE?  521 00:20:47,112 --> 00:20:48,680    - WELL, THEY THOUGHT WE WERE       TOGETHER OR SOMETHING.  522 00:20:48,714 --> 00:20:49,948  - SO WHAT?  523 00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:52,517  I'M NOT GOOD ENOUGH     FOR YOUR SCRAWNY VIRGIN ASS?      524 00:20:52,551 --> 00:20:53,685  THAT'S FUCKED UP.  525 00:20:53,719 --> 00:20:55,587  - JESUS!   CHILL OUT.  526 00:20:55,621 --> 00:20:56,955  - YOU KNOW WHAT?   FUCK YOU, ADAM.  527 00:20:56,989 --> 00:21:00,359  FUCK YOU AND YOUR WHOLE   FUCKED-UP FAMILY.  528 00:21:25,217 --> 00:21:27,953  [cell phone rings]  529 00:21:42,701 --> 00:21:44,036  - [sighs]  530 00:21:44,069 --> 00:21:45,971    THANKS FOR COMING TO GET ME.      531 00:21:46,004 --> 00:21:48,807  IT'S CRAZY IN THERE.   SORRY.  532 00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:50,809  SO WAIT.   SO I GUESS I'M IN TROUBLE NOW?     533 00:21:50,842 --> 00:21:53,011     - YOU DID THE RIGHT THING.  534 00:21:53,045 --> 00:21:55,781      THOSE KIDS ARE PLASTERED.  535 00:21:55,814 --> 00:21:58,216  OKAY, LET'S GET GOING.  536 00:21:58,250 --> 00:22:01,620      - WAIT, SO MY PUNISHMENT   IS DRIVING MYSELF HOME?  537 00:22:01,653 --> 00:22:04,056  - LOOK, IT'S NOT GREAT   THAT I DROVE OVER HERE  538 00:22:04,089 --> 00:22:07,059  AFTER HAVING   A 30-YEAR-OLD SCOTCH.  539 00:22:07,092 --> 00:22:10,228  ACTUALLY,   I HAD FIVE OF THEM,  540 00:22:10,262 --> 00:22:12,864  SO THAT'S, LIKE,   150 YEARS OF DRINKS.  541 00:22:12,898 --> 00:22:14,666  AND I DON'T WANT   TO ENDANGER YOUR LIFE,  542 00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:16,101  SO YOU DRIVE, BUDDY.  543 00:22:16,134 --> 00:22:18,437  - I DON'T WANT   TO ENDANGER YOUR LIFE.  544 00:22:18,470 --> 00:22:20,439  - JUST DON'T GO   OVER 15 MILES PER HOUR.  545 00:22:20,472 --> 00:22:23,608     DON'T MAKE ANY LEFT TURNS,       AND STOP AT ANYTHING RED.  546 00:22:23,642 --> 00:22:25,777  IT'S OKAY, BUDDY.   I'M RIGHT HERE.  547 00:22:25,811 --> 00:22:28,947  COME ON, LET'S GO.  548 00:22:32,584 --> 00:22:35,721  [tires squealing]  549 00:22:52,104 --> 00:22:54,673  - OH, MY GOD.   OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD.  550 00:22:54,706 --> 00:22:55,674  - WHAT'S WRONG?  551 00:22:55,707 --> 00:22:57,109  - ADAM CALLED ME.  552 00:22:57,142 --> 00:22:58,643  HE NEVER CALLS ME.  553 00:22:58,677 --> 00:23:00,912  HE CERTAINLY       DOESN'T CALL ME 11 TIMES.  554 00:23:00,946 --> 00:23:02,180  - OH.  555 00:23:02,214 --> 00:23:04,349  - OH, HE NEEDS A RIDE.   CRAP!  556 00:23:04,383 --> 00:23:06,218  - OKAY, DON'T PANIC.   DON'T PANIC.  557 00:23:06,251 --> 00:23:07,786  - SOMETHING'S WRONG.  558 00:23:07,819 --> 00:23:09,054  I CAN FEEL IT.  559 00:23:09,087 --> 00:23:11,490  - UM, DO YOU WANT ME   TO COME WITH YOU?  560 00:23:11,523 --> 00:23:13,091  - WHAT?  561 00:23:13,125 --> 00:23:15,026  TO PICK UP MY SON?   NO.  562 00:23:15,060 --> 00:23:16,261  - RIGHT.       NO, I JUST WANT TO HELP.  563 00:23:16,294 --> 00:23:17,562  HOW CAN I HELP?   - YOU CAN'T.  564 00:23:17,596 --> 00:23:18,797  YOU DON'T.  565 00:23:18,830 --> 00:23:20,499  - GOT YA.  566 00:23:20,532 --> 00:23:24,436    - LOOK, YOU'RE NOT A PARENT.      567 00:23:24,469 --> 00:23:28,774     LOOK, LENNY, I-I LIKE YOU,   AND I LOVE HOW YOU MAKE ME FEEL,  568 00:23:28,807 --> 00:23:32,210  BUT...   I CAN'T DO THIS.  569 00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:35,714  I'M A MOM,      AND I NEED TO ACT LIKE ONE.      570 00:23:35,747 --> 00:23:37,716  [keypad beeping]  571 00:23:37,749 --> 00:23:41,520  I CAN'T DO THIS.  572 00:23:41,553 --> 00:23:45,857  [cell phone rings]  573 00:23:45,891 --> 00:23:48,393  - [sighs]  574 00:23:48,427 --> 00:23:52,030  [cell phone beeps]  575 00:23:52,063 --> 00:23:55,167  CATHY, IT'S NOT ADAM.   IT'S PAUL.  576 00:23:58,370 --> 00:24:02,007  [siren wails]  577 00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:05,210  - PAUL?  578 00:24:05,243 --> 00:24:06,778  - HE'S GONNA BE FINE.  579 00:24:06,812 --> 00:24:09,014  HE HAS SEVEN STITCHES,   BUT HE'S GONNA BE FINE.  580 00:24:09,047 --> 00:24:10,816  - A TREE, PAUL?  581 00:24:10,849 --> 00:24:12,617    TELL ME YOU DIDN'T GET DRUNK       AT DINNER.  582 00:24:12,651 --> 00:24:14,953      - OH, I HAD A LITTLE BIT       TOO MUCH AT DINNER, YEP.  583 00:24:14,986 --> 00:24:17,055  - GOD, PAUL.  584 00:24:17,088 --> 00:24:21,393  - THAT'S WHY   I LET ADAM DRIVE.  585 00:24:21,426 --> 00:24:24,529  - YOU DID WHAT?  586 00:24:24,563 --> 00:24:25,664     ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?      587 00:24:25,697 --> 00:24:28,266  HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?  588 00:24:28,300 --> 00:24:30,135  - WELL, YOU TAUGHT HIM   TO DRIVE, DIDN'T YOU?  589 00:24:30,168 --> 00:24:32,671    - NOT ALLOWING HIM TO DRIVE!      590 00:24:32,704 --> 00:24:34,039  - OH.  591 00:24:34,072 --> 00:24:35,740  WHERE WERE YOU, HONEY?  592 00:24:35,774 --> 00:24:37,042  HE TRIED TO CALL YOU.  593 00:24:37,075 --> 00:24:39,878  - [sighs]      I COULDN'T HEAR THE PHONE.  594 00:24:39,911 --> 00:24:41,746  - YEAH.  595 00:24:44,182 --> 00:24:47,185  IS THAT BECAUSE   IT WAS UP YOUR VAGINA?  596 00:24:47,219 --> 00:24:49,020  OH, SORRY.  597 00:24:49,054 --> 00:24:51,823  THAT WAS THE BIG   BLACK GUY'S PENIS.  598 00:24:54,493 --> 00:24:56,795  I SAW YOU...  599 00:25:00,098 --> 00:25:02,667      IN OUR OWN FUCKING HOUSE!  600 00:25:19,584 --> 00:25:22,387  - I'M SORRY.  601 00:25:22,420 --> 00:25:24,823  I'M SO SORRY, MOM.  602 00:25:30,028 --> 00:25:32,764  - ME TOO.  603 00:25:32,797 --> 00:25:35,767  - JAMISON...  604 00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:37,802  PAUL JAMISON.  605 00:25:37,836 --> 00:25:41,840  - MR. JAMISON?  606 00:25:41,873 --> 00:25:43,742  DR. MAUER...  607 00:25:43,775 --> 00:25:47,012  CATHY'S DOCTOR.  608 00:25:47,045 --> 00:25:48,914  SHE CALLED ME      AND TOLD ME WHAT HAPPENED.  609 00:25:48,947 --> 00:25:50,348    UM, I JUST WANT TO ASSURE YOU     610 00:25:50,382 --> 00:25:51,850      THAT THE STAFF DOWN HERE   IS EXCELLENT.  611 00:25:51,883 --> 00:25:53,084  THEY'LL TAKE GOOD CARE   OF YOUR SON.  612 00:25:53,118 --> 00:25:56,955  - THANK YOU.   THANKS.  613 00:25:56,988 --> 00:25:58,823      - MR. JAMISON, AS A MAN,   I GOT TO SAY  614 00:25:58,857 --> 00:26:02,127     I THINK IT'S REALLY SHITTY   OF YOU TO MOVE OUT OF THE HOUSE.  615 00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:03,295  - SHE TOLD YOU THAT?  616 00:26:03,328 --> 00:26:05,797  - HOW CAN YOU LEAVE HER   WHEN SHE NEEDS YOU?  617 00:26:05,830 --> 00:26:09,601    - ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?     618 00:26:09,634 --> 00:26:14,172     WHY DON'T YOU ASK HER THAT?      619 00:26:14,205 --> 00:26:18,076    I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK       IS GOING ON WITH HER.  620 00:26:28,420 --> 00:26:31,056  - OH.   YOU'RE HERE.  621 00:26:31,089 --> 00:26:32,524      YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO COME.  622 00:26:32,557 --> 00:26:37,162  - HE DOESN'T KNOW YOU'RE SICK.     623 00:26:37,195 --> 00:26:41,600  YOU SAID HE KNEW.  624 00:26:41,633 --> 00:26:43,702  - I JUST WANT TO LIVE   A LITTLE LONGER  625 00:26:43,735 --> 00:26:46,004      WITHOUT EVERYTHING BEING   ABOUT MY BEING SICK.  626 00:26:46,037 --> 00:26:48,673      I-I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY  627 00:26:48,707 --> 00:26:51,610  JUST A LITTLE LONGER.  628 00:26:51,643 --> 00:26:54,212     TELLING PAUL I HAVE CANCER   WILL NOT MAKE ME HAPPY.  629 00:26:54,245 --> 00:26:56,681  - HOW DO YOU KNOW?  630 00:27:20,538 --> 00:27:21,940  - PAUL--  631 00:27:21,973 --> 00:27:25,210  - I WANT A DIVORCE.  632 00:27:25,243 --> 00:27:28,313      Captioning by  CaptionMax   www.captionmax.com  633 00:27:28,346 --> 00:27:30,215  - ♪ WROTE ME A SONG ♪  634 00:27:30,248 --> 00:27:32,817  ♪ AND YOU SAID WE WERE WRONG ♪     635 00:27:32,851 --> 00:27:36,087  ♪ AND YOU CRIED ♪  636 00:27:36,121 --> 00:27:38,990  ♪ WE GAVE IT A SHOT ♪  637 00:27:39,090 --> 00:27:41,559     ♪ BUT THE THING WE FORGOT ♪♪     638 00:27:41,593 --> 00:27:45,263  ♪ WAS TO TRY ♪  639 00:27:47,599 --> 00:27:52,404  ♪ THANKS,   I THINK I'LL BE ALONE ♪  640 00:27:52,437 --> 00:27:54,939  ♪ FOR NOW ♪  641 00:27:56,941 --> 00:28:01,980  ♪ THANKS,   I THINK I'LL BE ALONE ♪  642 00:28:02,013 --> 00:28:04,015  ♪ FOR NOW ♪  74211

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