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1
00:00:02,443 --> 00:00:04,582
I got to tell you, the more
I read about the primordial
2
00:00:04,583 --> 00:00:07,584
gravity wave discovery,
the more excited I get.
3
00:00:07,586 --> 00:00:09,719
I know. Being an
astrophysicist right now
4
00:00:09,721 --> 00:00:11,221
is like being a rock star.
5
00:00:11,223 --> 00:00:13,423
Only without the sex.
6
00:00:13,425 --> 00:00:16,392
Yeah, literally, none of it.
7
00:00:17,228 --> 00:00:19,462
What do you think
about it, Sheldon?
8
00:00:19,464 --> 00:00:21,097
Meh.
9
00:00:21,099 --> 00:00:23,032
Are you kidding me?
10
00:00:23,034 --> 00:00:25,301
This may be the biggest
scientific breakthrough
11
00:00:25,303 --> 00:00:27,070
of our lifetime. How can you,
12
00:00:27,072 --> 00:00:28,905
as a theoretical
physicist,
13
00:00:28,907 --> 00:00:30,206
not care about this?
14
00:00:30,208 --> 00:00:32,142
Maybe it's because
I'm not an elitist.
15
00:00:32,144 --> 00:00:33,376
What I'd like to know is:
16
00:00:33,378 --> 00:00:35,245
How does this gravity wave
breakthrough
17
00:00:35,247 --> 00:00:36,813
help the man on the street?
18
00:00:36,815 --> 00:00:38,281
You know?
Wh-Who's looking out
19
00:00:38,283 --> 00:00:41,885
for Joe Six-Pack and all
his quantum physics concerns?
20
00:00:41,887 --> 00:00:44,687
Oh, my God,
you're jealous.
21
00:00:44,689 --> 00:00:46,756
Why would I be jealous?
22
00:00:46,758 --> 00:00:49,125
Oh, I don't know. Maybe because
the origin of the universe
23
00:00:49,127 --> 00:00:50,360
just got proven,
24
00:00:50,362 --> 00:00:52,028
the Higgs field
just got proven
25
00:00:52,030 --> 00:00:53,429
and you've been working
on string theory
26
00:00:53,431 --> 00:01:01,304
for the last 20 years and
you're no closer to proving it.
27
00:01:01,306 --> 00:01:04,207
We happen to live
in a golden age of television.
28
00:01:05,309 --> 00:01:06,476
Excuse me,
fellas.
29
00:01:06,478 --> 00:01:07,811
(GROANS)
30
00:01:07,813 --> 00:01:09,779
Sorry for eavesdropping,
but there actually was
31
00:01:09,781 --> 00:01:11,381
some big string theory news
today
32
00:01:11,383 --> 00:01:12,916
out of the Hadron Collider.
33
00:01:12,918 --> 00:01:15,785
Really? Did they find evidence
to support extra dimensions
34
00:01:15,787 --> 00:01:17,287
or supersymmetry?
35
00:01:17,289 --> 00:01:20,290
No, but they did find evidence
that you'll believe anything.
36
00:01:20,292 --> 00:01:21,524
(LAUGHS)
37
00:01:22,359 --> 00:01:24,661
Why would you do that?
38
00:01:24,663 --> 00:01:26,663
You're a string theorist
as well.
39
00:01:26,665 --> 00:01:29,399
Incorrect.
I am a string pragmatist.
40
00:01:29,401 --> 00:01:32,035
I say I'm gonna prove something
that cannot be proved,
41
00:01:32,037 --> 00:01:33,469
I apply for grant money,
42
00:01:33,471 --> 00:01:36,072
and then I spend it
on liquor and broads.
43
00:01:37,007 --> 00:01:38,875
Later.
44
00:01:40,778 --> 00:01:43,012
Do you think he's right?
45
00:01:43,014 --> 00:01:47,483
Am I wasting my life on a theory
that can never be proven?
46
00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:53,857
Maybe. But how great
is Game of Thrones?
47
00:01:53,859 --> 00:01:57,493
♪ Our whole universe ♪
♪ was in a hot, dense state ♪
48
00:01:57,495 --> 00:02:00,830
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years ♪
♪ ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
49
00:02:00,832 --> 00:02:02,398
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
50
00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:04,934
♪ The autotrophs began to drool, ♪
♪ Neanderthals developed tools ♪
51
00:02:04,936 --> 00:02:07,604
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
52
00:02:07,606 --> 00:02:10,273
♪ Math, Science, History, ♪
♪ unraveling the mystery ♪
53
00:02:10,275 --> 00:02:12,175
♪ That all started ♪
♪ with a big bang ♪
54
00:02:12,177 --> 00:02:14,143
♪ Bang! ♪
55
00:02:14,144 --> 00:02:18,144
♪ The Big Bang Theory S07E20 The Relationship ♪
♪ Diremption Original Air Date on April 10, 2014 ♪
56
00:02:18,145 --> 00:02:23,145
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man.
57
00:02:24,380 --> 00:02:26,381
Hey, you're up early.
58
00:02:26,383 --> 00:02:28,650
I couldn't sleep.
59
00:02:28,652 --> 00:02:32,720
I told you those Walking Dead
pillowcases were a bad idea.
60
00:02:32,722 --> 00:02:34,789
No, that's not it.
61
00:02:34,791 --> 00:02:36,391
Is something bothering you?
62
00:02:36,393 --> 00:02:39,327
Yes, but you wouldn't
understand.
63
00:02:39,329 --> 00:02:41,696
Oh, come on, try me.
64
00:02:42,564 --> 00:02:44,365
All right.
65
00:02:45,501 --> 00:02:49,170
I've devoted the prime
of my life to string theory
66
00:02:49,172 --> 00:02:51,205
and it's quest
for the compactification
67
00:02:51,207 --> 00:02:52,840
of extra dimensions.
68
00:02:52,842 --> 00:02:56,611
I've got nothing to show for it,
and I feel like a fool.
69
00:02:57,479 --> 00:02:59,080
Okay. I get it.
70
00:02:59,082 --> 00:03:01,849
I mean, not all the jibberjabber
in the middle, but...
71
00:03:02,851 --> 00:03:04,218
I know what it's like
72
00:03:04,220 --> 00:03:05,787
to put your heart and soul
into something
73
00:03:05,789 --> 00:03:07,322
and get nothing out of it.
74
00:03:07,324 --> 00:03:09,657
You mean your acting career?
75
00:03:10,492 --> 00:03:12,393
No.
76
00:03:12,395 --> 00:03:14,462
Your relationship with Leonard?
77
00:03:15,297 --> 00:03:16,931
No.
78
00:03:16,933 --> 00:03:18,566
Your failed attempt
to go back to college?
79
00:03:18,568 --> 00:03:20,068
No!
80
00:03:20,070 --> 00:03:21,135
I'm saying you
81
00:03:21,137 --> 00:03:22,770
and string theory sound
like a relationship,
82
00:03:22,772 --> 00:03:24,872
and I know what it's like
to be in one
83
00:03:24,874 --> 00:03:27,342
and realize it's never gonna
turn out the way you want.
84
00:03:28,277 --> 00:03:30,478
I said Leonard; You said no.
85
00:03:31,347 --> 00:03:33,548
I'm talking about other guys.
86
00:03:33,550 --> 00:03:34,916
Okay.
87
00:03:34,918 --> 00:03:37,518
Well, what do you do?
88
00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:39,854
(SIGHS) You have to have the courage
to end the relationship.
89
00:03:39,856 --> 00:03:43,091
You know? Break it off,
shake hands, walk away.
90
00:03:43,093 --> 00:03:44,826
(SIGHS)
91
00:03:44,828 --> 00:03:47,095
I don't know if I can do that.
92
00:03:47,097 --> 00:03:48,629
I know it's hard, honey,
but in the end,
93
00:03:48,631 --> 00:03:49,664
that's how you grow.
94
00:03:49,666 --> 00:03:52,200
(LEONARD LOUDLY BLOWING NOSE)
95
00:03:54,370 --> 00:03:57,105
Penny, have you seen
my good inhaler?
96
00:03:59,208 --> 00:04:02,176
Break it off,
shake hands, walk away.
97
00:04:03,512 --> 00:04:05,713
(BLOWS LOUDLY)
98
00:04:06,915 --> 00:04:09,784
Hey, how's dating
two women going?
99
00:04:09,786 --> 00:04:11,786
Um, kind of hit a bump.
100
00:04:11,788 --> 00:04:14,889
When I was honest and told Emily
she wasn't the only person
101
00:04:14,891 --> 00:04:16,224
I was seeing, it went great.
102
00:04:16,226 --> 00:04:18,393
So I tried the same thing
with Lucy.
103
00:04:18,395 --> 00:04:19,627
And?
104
00:04:19,629 --> 00:04:22,597
She had mixed feelings.
105
00:04:22,599 --> 00:04:24,999
But when I said,
"Emily was cool with it.
106
00:04:25,001 --> 00:04:27,402
Emily's the best. Why can't you
be more like Emily?"...
107
00:04:29,238 --> 00:04:32,740
those feelings
became less mixed.
108
00:04:33,942 --> 00:04:37,645
Women. Who knows
what'll set 'em off?
109
00:04:37,647 --> 00:04:41,582
At least now I can focus all
my energies on just one girl.
110
00:04:41,584 --> 00:04:43,584
I hope I get to meet her
as soon as possible.
111
00:04:43,586 --> 00:04:45,286
Why the rush?
She isn't going anywhere.
112
00:04:45,288 --> 00:04:47,922
(CHUCKLES) She is. But I like
that attitude.
113
00:04:49,591 --> 00:04:53,461
Gentlemen, is anybody interested
in my old string theory books?
114
00:04:53,463 --> 00:04:55,196
You're really
going to do this?
115
00:04:55,198 --> 00:04:58,733
I am. Yeah, Penny pointed out
that what I'm going through
116
00:04:58,735 --> 00:04:59,934
is essentially a breakup.
117
00:04:59,936 --> 00:05:02,703
And according
to Cosmopolitan magazine,
118
00:05:02,705 --> 00:05:05,339
one of the most effective
techniques for moving on
119
00:05:05,341 --> 00:05:08,376
is to get rid of all reminders
of the relationship.
120
00:05:08,378 --> 00:05:10,378
You're reading Cosmo?
Yes.
121
00:05:10,380 --> 00:05:12,914
As it turns out,
there's an article,
122
00:05:12,916 --> 00:05:15,983
on how to get over a breakup
in literally every issue.
123
00:05:16,819 --> 00:05:18,219
Anyway,
124
00:05:18,221 --> 00:05:20,354
it suggests that I
set these on fire,
125
00:05:20,356 --> 00:05:22,457
but the smell of burning books
126
00:05:22,459 --> 00:05:25,660
reminds me of church picnics
in East Texas.
127
00:05:27,162 --> 00:05:29,163
What's this?
Oh,
128
00:05:29,165 --> 00:05:32,934
that's just a doodle of
a hyperelliptic Riemann surface.
129
00:05:32,936 --> 00:05:36,137
Oh, yeah. Wasn't that the basis
of your postdoc fellowship?
130
00:05:36,139 --> 00:05:37,371
It was.
131
00:05:37,373 --> 00:05:39,474
This seemed so elegant
at the time,
132
00:05:39,476 --> 00:05:40,641
but...
(CHUCKLES)
133
00:05:40,643 --> 00:05:43,344
now I realize I was just
a simple country boy
134
00:05:43,346 --> 00:05:45,847
seduced by a big city theory
135
00:05:45,849 --> 00:05:48,683
with variables
in all the right places.
136
00:05:50,152 --> 00:05:52,453
It's going to be okay.
I know.
137
00:05:52,455 --> 00:05:54,689
As hard as this is,
I have to move on.
138
00:05:54,691 --> 00:05:57,525
I can't keep postulating
multidimensional entities
139
00:05:57,527 --> 00:05:59,327
and get nothing in return.
140
00:05:59,329 --> 00:06:01,095
(CHOKING UP)
I have needs, too.
141
00:06:06,068 --> 00:06:07,068
(SIGHS)
142
00:06:07,070 --> 00:06:08,769
So, you and Emily
still together?
143
00:06:08,771 --> 00:06:10,705
(LEONARD AND WOLOWITZ CHUCKLE)
144
00:06:14,076 --> 00:06:16,043
(CLANGING, PUNCHING SOUNDS ON TV)
145
00:06:16,045 --> 00:06:18,479
I spoke to Bernadette.
She's free tomorrow night.
146
00:06:18,481 --> 00:06:19,914
Oh, okay, great.
147
00:06:19,916 --> 00:06:22,183
But if we're really gonna do
a double date,
148
00:06:22,185 --> 00:06:24,619
then we have to go over
some ground rules about Emily.
149
00:06:24,621 --> 00:06:26,921
Like when it turns out
she's made of rubber,
150
00:06:26,923 --> 00:06:28,556
I don't say anything?
151
00:06:30,092 --> 00:06:32,026
She's very real.
152
00:06:32,028 --> 00:06:34,529
Oh, that's what it says
on the box.
153
00:06:35,697 --> 00:06:38,666
Right next to "dishwasher safe."
154
00:06:39,501 --> 00:06:40,501
See?
155
00:06:40,503 --> 00:06:41,836
This is exactly
the kind of thing
156
00:06:41,838 --> 00:06:43,571
I'm worried about you
saying in front of her.
157
00:06:43,573 --> 00:06:45,840
I promise I'll be
on my best behavior.
158
00:06:45,842 --> 00:06:49,377
You better be. No jokes about
how close I am with my dog.
159
00:06:49,379 --> 00:06:53,214
Or the truth about how close
I am with my dog.
160
00:06:53,216 --> 00:06:54,615
You got it.
161
00:06:54,617 --> 00:06:56,684
No jokes about the
year I took ballet.
162
00:06:56,686 --> 00:06:58,386
You took ballet?
163
00:06:59,221 --> 00:07:01,389
God, you never listen.
164
00:07:04,192 --> 00:07:06,360
Are you sure you
want to do this?
165
00:07:06,362 --> 00:07:08,829
The magazine articles suggest
that one of the ways
166
00:07:08,831 --> 00:07:11,432
to get over a breakup
is a new look.
167
00:07:11,434 --> 00:07:12,867
Mmm. What about your old look,
168
00:07:12,869 --> 00:07:15,603
well-groomed ventriloquist doll?
169
00:07:17,205 --> 00:07:20,441
"Oh, my God, I do look like that."
Stop it!
170
00:07:21,877 --> 00:07:25,046
So, how do you want me to cut it?
Oh,
171
00:07:25,048 --> 00:07:29,450
how about Bill Gates
meets Nikola Tesla?
172
00:07:30,252 --> 00:07:31,719
So, business in the front,
173
00:07:31,721 --> 00:07:33,621
science in the back.
174
00:07:33,623 --> 00:07:35,222
Or I don't cut it
175
00:07:35,224 --> 00:07:36,891
and maybe just style it
a little.
176
00:07:36,893 --> 00:07:38,559
Oh, I'm in
your hands.
177
00:07:38,561 --> 00:07:41,929
Do a good job and I'll tell you
Cosmo's ten dynamite tips
178
00:07:41,931 --> 00:07:44,265
to enjoy your PMS.
179
00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:46,267
Can you keep him quiet?
180
00:07:46,269 --> 00:07:47,835
Maybe jangle some keys
in front of him?
181
00:07:47,837 --> 00:07:49,036
That doesn't
work anymore.
182
00:07:49,038 --> 00:07:51,806
He just thinks I'm taking him
to the doctor.
183
00:07:53,008 --> 00:07:54,976
So, now that you're
no longer invested
184
00:07:54,978 --> 00:07:57,612
in string theory,
what are you gonna pursue?
185
00:07:57,614 --> 00:07:59,614
Oh, there are so
many exciting areas:
186
00:07:59,616 --> 00:08:02,650
Black holes, dark matter...
Oh,
187
00:08:02,652 --> 00:08:04,118
Leonard was telling me
about dark matter,
188
00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:05,686
but I didn't
really understand it.
189
00:08:05,688 --> 00:08:08,756
Don't feel bad.
Neither does he.
190
00:08:12,127 --> 00:08:14,161
Okay...
191
00:08:14,163 --> 00:08:16,330
what do you think?
192
00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:21,268
Have you ever even seen
a picture of Tesla?
193
00:08:22,037 --> 00:08:23,804
It actually
looks good, Sheldon.
194
00:08:23,806 --> 00:08:26,007
Doesn't it?
Yeah.
195
00:08:26,009 --> 00:08:31,112
I suppose I could see myself
in a scientific boy band.
196
00:08:31,114 --> 00:08:33,514
Of course, I'd be the dreamy one
and the smart one.
197
00:08:33,516 --> 00:08:35,383
(DOOR OPENS)
198
00:08:35,385 --> 00:08:36,951
Sorry I'm late.
199
00:08:37,719 --> 00:08:39,453
What did you do?
200
00:08:39,455 --> 00:08:41,722
I gave him a new look.
It's cute, huh?
201
00:08:41,724 --> 00:08:44,525
Yeah, it's cute.
That's the problem.
202
00:08:44,527 --> 00:08:46,827
I don't need other girls
to see him walking around
203
00:08:46,829 --> 00:08:48,963
like sex on a stick.
204
00:08:50,499 --> 00:08:53,634
She's right.
I'm too hot.
205
00:08:58,273 --> 00:08:59,874
I'm excited
to meet Emily.
206
00:08:59,876 --> 00:09:02,810
Me, too. I just hope
he doesn't blow it.
207
00:09:02,812 --> 00:09:04,745
Why would you
say that?
208
00:09:04,747 --> 00:09:08,516
Because he's Raj...
that's his thing. (CHUCKLES)
209
00:09:08,518 --> 00:09:11,719
Beckham can bend it, Ralph
can wreck it, Raj can blow it.
210
00:09:13,055 --> 00:09:15,089
Look, I don't want it
to happen,
211
00:09:15,091 --> 00:09:17,825
but odds are he's gonna
find a way to...
212
00:09:18,660 --> 00:09:20,661
Oh, crap,
I know that girl.
213
00:09:20,663 --> 00:09:21,696
How?
214
00:09:21,698 --> 00:09:24,131
In a bad way, very bad.
215
00:09:24,133 --> 00:09:25,399
Hey, guys.
216
00:09:25,401 --> 00:09:27,001
Whatever you hear tonight,
just remember I love you.
217
00:09:27,003 --> 00:09:28,402
Hey!
218
00:09:36,788 --> 00:09:39,890
Emily, these are my good
friends, Howard and Bernadette.
219
00:09:39,892 --> 00:09:41,992
Guys, this is Emily.
Nice to meet you.
220
00:09:41,994 --> 00:09:43,193
Hi.
Hello.
221
00:09:43,195 --> 00:09:45,228
Have we met before?
222
00:09:45,997 --> 00:09:49,332
Uh... no.
(CHUCKLES)
223
00:09:49,334 --> 00:09:50,133
I-I don't...
224
00:09:50,135 --> 00:09:51,868
I don't... think so.
225
00:09:51,870 --> 00:09:53,503
You sure? You look familiar.
226
00:09:53,505 --> 00:09:55,839
Well, you sure don't.
227
00:09:55,841 --> 00:09:57,741
You I know,
you I know, you?
228
00:09:57,743 --> 00:10:00,710
(STAMMERS)
Total stranger.
229
00:10:00,712 --> 00:10:04,915
Even if you had yummy candy,
I would not get in your van.
230
00:10:04,917 --> 00:10:07,951
Did you go to that spin class
on Green Street?
231
00:10:07,953 --> 00:10:09,786
That must be it.
232
00:10:09,788 --> 00:10:12,122
Since when do you go
to spin class?
233
00:10:12,124 --> 00:10:14,457
Wow. Now who doesn't listen?
234
00:10:16,994 --> 00:10:18,495
Sheldon,
your food's getting cold.
235
00:10:18,497 --> 00:10:20,697
What are you doing?
Oh, looking through
236
00:10:20,699 --> 00:10:23,967
my textbooks
for a new field of inquiry.
237
00:10:23,969 --> 00:10:26,970
Why do we have a geology book?
238
00:10:26,972 --> 00:10:29,306
Leonard, did you throw
239
00:10:29,308 --> 00:10:31,808
a children's party
while I was in Texas?
240
00:10:32,910 --> 00:10:34,678
Wait. What's wrong with geology?
241
00:10:34,680 --> 00:10:37,213
Let me put this in a way
you'll understand, Penny.
242
00:10:37,215 --> 00:10:39,082
You remember
how you explained to me
243
00:10:39,084 --> 00:10:41,518
that the Kardashians
aren't real celebrities?
244
00:10:41,520 --> 00:10:43,153
Well, geology
245
00:10:43,155 --> 00:10:45,488
is the Kardashians of science.
246
00:10:46,490 --> 00:10:48,091
LEONARD: Have you considered
247
00:10:48,093 --> 00:10:50,260
studying standard model physics?
248
00:10:50,262 --> 00:10:52,262
You want me
to give up string theory
249
00:10:52,264 --> 00:10:53,830
for something
that's less advanced?
250
00:10:53,832 --> 00:10:55,999
You know, why don't you break up
with Penny
251
00:10:56,001 --> 00:10:58,201
and start dating a brown bear?
252
00:10:59,470 --> 00:11:02,706
Like you could
get a brown bear.
253
00:11:02,708 --> 00:11:04,174
Hey, I've got a good job.
254
00:11:04,176 --> 00:11:06,376
I could buy salmon.
You don't know.
255
00:11:07,645 --> 00:11:09,612
Maybe you could make
your new field of study
256
00:11:09,614 --> 00:11:11,514
the calculation
of nuclear matrix elements.
257
00:11:11,516 --> 00:11:13,016
Oh, please.
258
00:11:13,018 --> 00:11:16,653
If I wanted to take up a fad,
I'd get a tramp stamp.
259
00:11:19,757 --> 00:11:21,891
What about loop quantum gravity?
260
00:11:21,893 --> 00:11:24,194
(IN HIGH-PITCHED, FANCY BRITISH VOICE)
Oh, Duchess, look at me.
261
00:11:24,196 --> 00:11:27,030
My quantum gravity's
positively loopy.
262
00:11:28,432 --> 00:11:30,166
Who's the duchess?
263
00:11:30,168 --> 00:11:33,336
One of the people
that lives in his head.
264
00:11:33,338 --> 00:11:36,272
I hope he's this distraught
if he ever breaks up with me.
265
00:11:36,274 --> 00:11:39,042
Well, if he does, I'll see
if my bear has a friend.
266
00:11:41,278 --> 00:11:42,479
Sheldon, have you
ever considered
267
00:11:42,481 --> 00:11:43,546
not rushing into something new?
268
00:11:43,548 --> 00:11:45,181
I mean, why don't you
take your time,
269
00:11:45,183 --> 00:11:46,783
enjoy your freedom?
270
00:11:46,785 --> 00:11:50,186
Maybe something new
to study will find you.
271
00:11:51,288 --> 00:11:53,189
That's actually not bad advice.
272
00:11:53,191 --> 00:11:55,358
You know, I didn't seek out
string theory.
273
00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:57,961
It just hit me
over the head one day.
274
00:11:57,963 --> 00:11:59,662
How does that happen?
275
00:11:59,664 --> 00:12:01,765
A bully chased me through
the school library
276
00:12:01,767 --> 00:12:05,101
and hit me over the head with
the biggest book he could find.
277
00:12:06,837 --> 00:12:08,838
Okay, how about we toast
your newfound freedom?
278
00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:12,409
Ah, normally
I refrain from alcohol,
279
00:12:12,411 --> 00:12:15,678
but since my cerebral cortex is
twiddling it's proverbial thumbs,
280
00:12:15,680 --> 00:12:17,480
why not soak it in grape juice
281
00:12:17,482 --> 00:12:19,949
that's been predigested
by a fungus?
282
00:12:21,152 --> 00:12:24,020
And you wonder why other
children beat you with books.
283
00:12:24,022 --> 00:12:25,522
Cheers!
284
00:12:28,059 --> 00:12:30,160
Emily, what
do you do?
285
00:12:30,162 --> 00:12:32,729
I'm a dermatology resident
at Huntington Hospital.
286
00:12:32,731 --> 00:12:34,597
Mmm, and you know
what that means.
287
00:12:34,599 --> 00:12:38,435
Someone's skin's about
to be softer than ever.
288
00:12:39,403 --> 00:12:40,837
This is making
me crazy.
289
00:12:40,839 --> 00:12:42,672
I know I know you
from somewhere.
290
00:12:42,674 --> 00:12:44,607
Oh, uh, Howard
was an astronaut.
291
00:12:44,609 --> 00:12:46,609
Maybe that's where you saw him.
Wow!
292
00:12:46,611 --> 00:12:48,078
That's amazing.
293
00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:49,379
What was that like?
294
00:12:49,381 --> 00:12:52,382
It was the most incredible
experience of my life.
295
00:12:52,384 --> 00:12:55,318
Up there
in the space station, you're...
296
00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:57,454
Oh, my God, I remember.
297
00:12:57,456 --> 00:13:00,490
Can I finish my astronaut story?
298
00:13:00,492 --> 00:13:01,991
It was four years ago.
299
00:13:01,993 --> 00:13:04,127
Please don't say it.
We were set up on a blind date.
300
00:13:04,129 --> 00:13:05,862
Please don't say it.
You came to my apartment.
301
00:13:05,864 --> 00:13:07,997
(WHISPERS)
You're saying it.
302
00:13:07,999 --> 00:13:09,666
Well, wh-what happened?
303
00:13:09,668 --> 00:13:11,501
Yeah, what happened?
Okay, I'll say it.
304
00:13:11,503 --> 00:13:12,702
(CLEARS HIS THROAT)
305
00:13:12,704 --> 00:13:16,072
I was on the way to pick her up.
306
00:13:16,074 --> 00:13:18,274
My stomach felt a little funny.
307
00:13:18,276 --> 00:13:21,644
When I got there, I asked
if I could use her bathroom.
308
00:13:21,646 --> 00:13:23,646
Please don't say it.
309
00:13:26,117 --> 00:13:28,685
One roll of toilet paper
and 20 minutes later,
310
00:13:28,687 --> 00:13:31,020
I was so humiliated,
311
00:13:31,022 --> 00:13:34,023
I snuck out the window
and never saw her again.
312
00:13:34,025 --> 00:13:35,992
You know what else
I never saw again...
313
00:13:35,994 --> 00:13:37,994
my security deposit.
314
00:13:37,996 --> 00:13:39,596
I'm sorry.
315
00:13:39,598 --> 00:13:42,765
I tried to unclog it,
but you didn't have a plunger,
316
00:13:42,767 --> 00:13:44,434
and water was
spilling out everywhere.
317
00:13:44,436 --> 00:13:46,369
Right, just water.
318
00:13:48,105 --> 00:13:50,540
Look, I have felt terrible
about this for years,
319
00:13:50,542 --> 00:13:52,275
and I'm glad
I have the opportunity
320
00:13:52,277 --> 00:13:54,911
to tell you
just how sorry I am.
321
00:13:54,913 --> 00:13:56,279
It's fine.
322
00:13:56,947 --> 00:13:58,548
All my friends love this story.
323
00:13:58,550 --> 00:14:00,783
They call you Clogzilla.
324
00:14:00,785 --> 00:14:02,652
KOOTHRAPPALI: Get it?
325
00:14:02,654 --> 00:14:04,254
Because you clogged up
her bathroom
326
00:14:04,256 --> 00:14:05,822
like a radioactive monster!
327
00:14:05,824 --> 00:14:07,123
(BOTH LAUGHING)
328
00:14:07,125 --> 00:14:08,525
Yeah, yeah, I get it.
329
00:14:08,527 --> 00:14:09,692
Howie.
330
00:14:09,694 --> 00:14:11,161
Well, hey, it's not like
cotton candy
331
00:14:11,163 --> 00:14:12,529
comes out of you.
332
00:14:15,266 --> 00:14:16,633
Come on, let's
get you to bed.
333
00:14:16,635 --> 00:14:17,834
You've had a lot
to drink.
334
00:14:17,836 --> 00:14:19,302
No more than Penny.
335
00:14:19,304 --> 00:14:21,304
That's what I'm saying.
336
00:14:21,306 --> 00:14:23,573
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.
337
00:14:24,708 --> 00:14:26,609
Empty room.
338
00:14:26,611 --> 00:14:28,278
Empty room.
339
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:30,914
Empty room.
340
00:14:30,916 --> 00:14:33,316
If somebody says "Come in,"
I'm gonna freak out.
341
00:14:38,489 --> 00:14:40,023
So, Emily, why did you
342
00:14:40,025 --> 00:14:41,858
decide to specialize
in dermatology?
343
00:14:41,860 --> 00:14:43,960
I like cutting
people with knives,
344
00:14:43,962 --> 00:14:47,997
and all the other jobs where
you get to do that are illegal.
345
00:14:48,866 --> 00:14:50,266
You're kidding, right?
346
00:14:50,268 --> 00:14:51,568
(CLOSE-MOUTHED MUTTERING)
347
00:14:51,570 --> 00:14:53,236
(LAUGHS)
348
00:14:54,805 --> 00:14:56,539
She's scary,
but it's a cute scary.
349
00:14:56,541 --> 00:14:57,707
(LAUGHTER)
350
00:14:57,709 --> 00:14:59,976
Can I say just one more thing?
351
00:14:59,978 --> 00:15:02,946
I had some kind
of food poisoning that day.
352
00:15:02,948 --> 00:15:05,748
Sure, in retrospect,
gas station sushi...
353
00:15:05,750 --> 00:15:07,217
maybe not the best choice.
354
00:15:07,219 --> 00:15:09,118
Nor was climbing out
355
00:15:09,120 --> 00:15:10,186
your window and running away.
356
00:15:10,188 --> 00:15:11,654
But I think
we can all understand
357
00:15:11,656 --> 00:15:13,089
how humiliating that was,
and I'd really
358
00:15:13,091 --> 00:15:14,524
appreciate it
if we could move on.
359
00:15:14,526 --> 00:15:16,559
Howie, we moved on
a long time ago.
360
00:15:16,561 --> 00:15:18,962
I'm just saying...
We moved on.
361
00:15:20,364 --> 00:15:23,299
Okay. Fine.
362
00:15:25,703 --> 00:15:26,903
How's your soup?
363
00:15:26,905 --> 00:15:28,104
Ah, it's all right.
364
00:15:28,106 --> 00:15:30,106
They could've filled
the bowl a little more.
365
00:15:30,108 --> 00:15:32,242
(MUFFLED LAUGHTER)
366
00:15:34,078 --> 00:15:35,478
Excuse me.
367
00:15:35,480 --> 00:15:36,813
Where are you going?
368
00:15:36,815 --> 00:15:38,081
I need some fresh air.
369
00:15:38,083 --> 00:15:39,949
Been there.
(LAUGHS)
370
00:15:41,652 --> 00:15:44,587
(LAUGHING)
371
00:16:00,671 --> 00:16:02,905
Oh, no.
372
00:16:02,907 --> 00:16:05,108
What have I done?
373
00:16:28,832 --> 00:16:30,600
How you feeling?
374
00:16:31,435 --> 00:16:33,336
Not so good.
375
00:16:35,105 --> 00:16:38,374
Are you gonna introduce me
to your friend?
376
00:16:39,476 --> 00:16:41,177
It's not my friend.
377
00:16:41,179 --> 00:16:43,379
Nothing happened.
378
00:16:43,381 --> 00:16:44,514
I don't know.
379
00:16:44,516 --> 00:16:48,117
I heard you reading pretty loud
last night.
380
00:16:48,952 --> 00:16:50,920
Oh, dear Lord.
381
00:16:50,922 --> 00:16:52,922
Where's Amy?
382
00:16:52,924 --> 00:16:55,058
After she put you to bed,
she went home.
383
00:16:55,060 --> 00:16:56,893
Oh.
384
00:16:56,895 --> 00:17:00,163
I should call her and apologize.
385
00:17:00,165 --> 00:17:02,365
Oh.
386
00:17:02,367 --> 00:17:05,301
Oh, no.
What?
387
00:17:05,303 --> 00:17:09,339
Apparently, I called
Stephen Hawking last night.
388
00:17:09,341 --> 00:17:11,641
FEMALE VOICE: First new message.
389
00:17:11,643 --> 00:17:14,677
SHELDON: Hawkman!
390
00:17:14,679 --> 00:17:18,314
It's your old buddy
Sheldonoscopy!
391
00:17:19,983 --> 00:17:22,418
How come you didn't
pick up the phone?!
392
00:17:22,420 --> 00:17:24,687
Oh, right. My bad.
393
00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:32,095
You're awful quiet.
Everything okay?
394
00:17:32,930 --> 00:17:34,630
Not really.
395
00:17:34,632 --> 00:17:37,834
I had a bit
of an embarrassing evening.
396
00:17:37,836 --> 00:17:40,403
Ugh. Me, too.
What happened?
397
00:17:40,405 --> 00:17:42,171
I drank alcohol
398
00:17:42,173 --> 00:17:47,310
and may have left an unfortunate
voice mail for Stephen Hawking.
399
00:17:47,312 --> 00:17:49,712
I wouldn't worry about it.
400
00:17:49,714 --> 00:17:51,881
He's got a pretty good
sense of humor.
401
00:17:51,883 --> 00:17:54,650
Oh, I hope so.
402
00:17:54,652 --> 00:17:56,886
What happened to you
last night?
403
00:17:56,888 --> 00:17:58,888
Oh, well, turns out
404
00:17:58,890 --> 00:18:01,591
I'd already met the girl
Raj is seeing
405
00:18:01,593 --> 00:18:04,927
when I did a number
on her bathroom.
406
00:18:08,298 --> 00:18:10,500
And that number was two.
407
00:18:12,836 --> 00:18:15,872
Well, you know,
I've always been a fan
408
00:18:15,874 --> 00:18:18,875
of a story told
by Attar of Nishapur,
409
00:18:18,877 --> 00:18:20,009
about a king
410
00:18:20,011 --> 00:18:22,979
who assembled a group
of wise men
411
00:18:22,981 --> 00:18:26,749
to create a ring that would
make him happy when he was sad.
412
00:18:26,751 --> 00:18:28,551
And that ring
413
00:18:28,553 --> 00:18:32,622
was inscribed with the phrase,
"This too shall pass."
414
00:18:34,224 --> 00:18:36,659
Hey, Cooper!
Oh, my God.
415
00:18:36,661 --> 00:18:40,263
I heard you drunk-dialed
Stephen Hawking last night?
416
00:18:40,265 --> 00:18:42,331
Classic!
417
00:18:42,333 --> 00:18:43,433
Get out of here, Barry.
418
00:18:43,435 --> 00:18:45,435
Whatever you say...
419
00:18:45,437 --> 00:18:47,637
Clogzilla.
420
00:18:51,208 --> 00:18:53,342
Clogzilla. That's pretty funny.
421
00:18:54,578 --> 00:18:57,814
I don't think
that's gonna pass.
422
00:19:06,224 --> 00:19:08,192
FEMALE VOICE: Next message.
423
00:19:08,194 --> 00:19:10,027
SHELDON: It's me again!
424
00:19:10,029 --> 00:19:12,429
I gave up string theory.
425
00:19:12,431 --> 00:19:14,298
You should give up black holes,
426
00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:17,100
and we can totally
solve crimes together!
427
00:19:18,703 --> 00:19:20,504
FEMALE VOICE: Next message.
428
00:19:20,506 --> 00:19:22,039
SHELDON: Do you know what's great?!
429
00:19:22,041 --> 00:19:25,476
Geology. Oh!
430
00:19:25,478 --> 00:19:28,378
Look at this geode!
431
00:19:28,380 --> 00:19:30,714
(GASPS)
That's fun to say!
432
00:19:30,716 --> 00:19:35,018
Gee... ode! Gee... ode!
433
00:19:35,020 --> 00:19:36,854
FEMALE VOICE: Next message.
434
00:19:36,856 --> 00:19:39,456
SHELDON: Gee... ode!
435
00:19:39,458 --> 00:19:41,959
Gee... ode!
436
00:19:41,961 --> 00:19:44,194
I kiss girls now.
437
00:19:45,897 --> 00:19:47,764
FEMALE VOICE: Next message.
438
00:19:47,766 --> 00:19:49,466
SHELDON: Hey, guess who I am!
439
00:19:49,468 --> 00:19:50,834
Beep bop boop bop!
440
00:19:50,836 --> 00:19:53,170
I'm you! Get it?!
441
00:19:54,372 --> 00:19:56,240
FEMALE VOICE: Next message.
442
00:19:56,242 --> 00:19:58,475
SHELDON: Are you mad at me?
443
00:19:59,344 --> 00:20:02,412
Oh, no, you're mad at me.
444
00:20:02,414 --> 00:20:04,648
I'm so sorry!
445
00:20:04,650 --> 00:20:07,017
Beep bop boop bop.
446
00:20:07,785 --> 00:20:09,319
FEMALE VOICE: Next message.
447
00:20:09,321 --> 00:20:14,324
SHELDON: Thiospinel sulfide.
Thiospinel sulfide.
448
00:20:14,326 --> 00:20:17,794
That's even more fun
than "gee... ode."
449
00:20:18,846 --> 00:20:21,213
Hey, did you see
The Lego Movie?
450
00:20:24,605 --> 00:20:26,138
STEPHEN HAWKING: What a jackass.
451
00:20:26,140 --> 00:20:31,140
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
452
00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:36,240
http://subscene.com/u/659433
Improved by: @Ivandrofly
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net
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Can't find what you're looking for?
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