Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,193 --> 00:00:07,995
Boy, do I have to urinate.
2
00:00:07,997 --> 00:00:11,565
If only there were a solution
to that.
3
00:00:11,567 --> 00:00:15,436
Seriously. I feel like I've got
a fish tank in my pelvis.
4
00:00:16,271 --> 00:00:18,038
So go to the bathroom.
5
00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:19,306
I can't.
6
00:00:19,308 --> 00:00:21,809
Why not?
7
00:00:21,811 --> 00:00:23,444
Because I'm trying to decide
between getting
8
00:00:23,446 --> 00:00:26,080
an Xbox One or a PS4.
9
00:00:27,149 --> 00:00:30,684
Oh, "pee." Why'd I say that?
10
00:00:31,586 --> 00:00:33,954
Forgive me for asking
a stupid question,
11
00:00:33,956 --> 00:00:36,023
but why are you being stupid?
12
00:00:36,892 --> 00:00:38,592
I'm not being stupid.
13
00:00:38,594 --> 00:00:41,629
I'm employing the work
of Dutch researcher, Mirjam Tuk,
14
00:00:41,631 --> 00:00:45,566
who found that people with full
bladders make better decisions.
15
00:00:45,568 --> 00:00:49,303
Why did I pee before I decided
to move in here?
16
00:00:51,107 --> 00:00:52,306
Hi!
Hey.
17
00:00:52,308 --> 00:00:53,474
Oh, how'd the audition go?
18
00:00:53,476 --> 00:00:55,442
I killed it. I was even able
to cry real tears
19
00:00:55,444 --> 00:00:56,410
right on the spot.
20
00:00:56,412 --> 00:00:57,711
Oh, that's great.
I know.
21
00:00:57,713 --> 00:00:59,747
Next time I get pulled over
for a speeding ticket,
22
00:00:59,749 --> 00:01:00,948
here come the waterworks.
23
00:01:00,950 --> 00:01:03,751
Here come the waterworks!
24
00:01:07,756 --> 00:01:09,256
Aren't you gonna ask?
25
00:01:09,258 --> 00:01:11,525
What is this,
my first day?
26
00:01:11,527 --> 00:01:15,162
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
27
00:01:15,164 --> 00:01:18,499
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
28
00:01:18,501 --> 00:01:20,134
♪ The Earth began to cool
29
00:01:20,136 --> 00:01:22,670
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
30
00:01:22,672 --> 00:01:25,339
♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
31
00:01:25,341 --> 00:01:28,008
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
32
00:01:28,010 --> 00:01:29,910
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
33
00:01:29,912 --> 00:01:31,667
♪ Bang! ♪
34
00:01:31,670 --> 00:01:35,670
♪ The Big Bang Theory 7x19 ♪
The Indecision Amalgamation
Original Air Date on April 3, 2014
35
00:01:35,672 --> 00:01:40,672
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
36
00:01:40,698 --> 00:01:42,699
Can I get your
opinion on something
37
00:01:42,701 --> 00:01:44,067
that happened at work today?
38
00:01:44,069 --> 00:01:45,268
Yeah, sure.
Of course.
39
00:01:45,270 --> 00:01:46,703
Okay, well, I did something
40
00:01:46,705 --> 00:01:48,905
that will either make me look
like a lovable goof
41
00:01:48,907 --> 00:01:53,176
or a horrible monster damned
to spend eternity in hell.
42
00:01:53,178 --> 00:01:54,845
I'm sure it's lovable.
43
00:01:54,847 --> 00:01:58,181
I'm gonna go with monster.
What do you got?
44
00:01:58,183 --> 00:02:00,350
Well, there's this lady
in our office who's retiring,
45
00:02:00,352 --> 00:02:01,518
and they were passing around
46
00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:03,520
one of those big cards
for us to sign...
47
00:02:03,522 --> 00:02:04,588
Okay.
48
00:02:04,590 --> 00:02:06,189
But no one told me she was in
49
00:02:06,191 --> 00:02:07,557
a horrible car accident
over the weekend
50
00:02:07,559 --> 00:02:09,125
and what I
was signing
51
00:02:09,127 --> 00:02:10,427
was not a retirement card
52
00:02:10,429 --> 00:02:12,262
but was actually
a "get well" card.
53
00:02:12,264 --> 00:02:16,466
I'm liking my odds here.
54
00:02:16,468 --> 00:02:18,668
So on the card, in the hospital,
55
00:02:18,670 --> 00:02:22,172
next to the woman who's clinging
to life are the words,
56
00:02:22,174 --> 00:02:24,341
"Hey, Vivian. You deserve this""
57
00:02:27,678 --> 00:02:29,813
"And at least with you gone,
58
00:02:29,815 --> 00:02:32,148
no one will steal my yogurt
out of the fridge."
59
00:02:32,150 --> 00:02:33,950
No!
60
00:02:35,353 --> 00:02:37,454
"LOL. Smiley face."
61
00:02:37,456 --> 00:02:39,222
Oh, my gosh.
62
00:02:39,224 --> 00:02:41,858
"P.S. Good luck
wherever you wind up."
63
00:02:43,795 --> 00:02:47,397
Why didn't I put money on this?
64
00:02:47,399 --> 00:02:49,432
Hey, that's my agent.
65
00:02:49,434 --> 00:02:51,668
If I got the part,
it's still the second best thing
66
00:02:51,670 --> 00:02:53,737
I've heard all day. Hello?
67
00:02:53,739 --> 00:02:55,305
Am I a terrible person?
68
00:02:55,307 --> 00:02:57,374
No. No, it was a mistake.
69
00:02:57,376 --> 00:02:59,576
Am I a terrible person
that it crossed my mind
70
00:02:59,578 --> 00:03:01,578
that she might die
and never see the card?
71
00:03:01,580 --> 00:03:04,147
Now I think
you're flirting with the line.
72
00:03:04,149 --> 00:03:05,782
Good news?
73
00:03:05,784 --> 00:03:07,450
No, I didn't get it.
74
00:03:07,452 --> 00:03:09,019
I'm so sorry.
75
00:03:09,021 --> 00:03:10,787
You'll get offered
something soon.
76
00:03:10,789 --> 00:03:13,023
I kind of did. The part
in that awful horror movie
77
00:03:13,025 --> 00:03:14,658
I passed on came back around.
78
00:03:14,660 --> 00:03:16,660
Apparently,
it's mine if I want it.
79
00:03:16,662 --> 00:03:18,194
Are you gonna take it?
80
00:03:18,196 --> 00:03:19,529
I don't know what to do.
81
00:03:19,531 --> 00:03:22,799
Maybe you'll get hit
by a car and die.
82
00:03:24,468 --> 00:03:26,136
LOL, right?
83
00:03:32,910 --> 00:03:34,244
Hey.
84
00:03:34,246 --> 00:03:36,046
Emily, right?
85
00:03:36,048 --> 00:03:37,080
Yeah...
86
00:03:37,082 --> 00:03:38,648
I-I don't know
if you remember me...
87
00:03:38,650 --> 00:03:40,750
From the dating Web site.
88
00:03:40,752 --> 00:03:43,486
Your friend e-mailed me
because you were afraid to,
89
00:03:43,488 --> 00:03:45,655
then you tracked me down
and acted like a lunatic?
90
00:03:45,657 --> 00:03:47,691
Yes, Rajesh Koothrappali.
91
00:03:49,060 --> 00:03:50,593
Look, uh, I just...
92
00:03:50,595 --> 00:03:53,063
I wanted to say I'm sorry.
93
00:03:53,065 --> 00:03:54,698
Okay? You were, like,
the coolest person
94
00:03:54,700 --> 00:03:57,701
I ever found online,
and I got really nervous
95
00:03:57,703 --> 00:03:59,903
and I-I just blew it.
96
00:03:59,905 --> 00:04:02,072
Uh, don't worry about it.
97
00:04:02,074 --> 00:04:03,573
And if it
makes you feel
98
00:04:03,575 --> 00:04:05,575
any better,
you're not the weirdest guy
99
00:04:05,577 --> 00:04:07,110
I've met off the Internet.
100
00:04:07,112 --> 00:04:10,613
Well, give me a chance--
you don't even know me.
101
00:04:12,250 --> 00:04:13,550
All right,
102
00:04:13,552 --> 00:04:15,752
here's your chance.
103
00:04:15,754 --> 00:04:18,154
Wha... Really?
104
00:04:19,056 --> 00:04:20,123
Thank you.
105
00:04:20,125 --> 00:04:21,992
Fate has given me
a rare second chance,
106
00:04:21,994 --> 00:04:24,527
and I swear to Vishnu
I'm not gonna blow it.
107
00:04:24,529 --> 00:04:28,098
Or normal words
followed by a charming smile.
108
00:04:32,336 --> 00:04:35,872
So, first there was
PlayStation-- aka PS1--
109
00:04:35,874 --> 00:04:37,640
then PS2, PS3
110
00:04:37,642 --> 00:04:39,809
and now PS4.
And that makes sense.
111
00:04:39,811 --> 00:04:42,679
You'd think after Xbox,
there'd be Xbox 2.
112
00:04:42,681 --> 00:04:46,116
But no, next came Xbox 360.
113
00:04:46,118 --> 00:04:47,584
Hmm? And now,
114
00:04:47,586 --> 00:04:50,653
after 360, comes Xbox One.
115
00:04:50,655 --> 00:04:52,355
Why "One"?
116
00:04:52,357 --> 00:04:54,457
Maybe that's how many seconds
of thought
117
00:04:54,459 --> 00:04:56,626
they put into naming it.
118
00:04:56,628 --> 00:04:58,461
Can you get the butter, please?
119
00:04:58,463 --> 00:05:00,997
You know, however,
with the Xbox One,
120
00:05:00,999 --> 00:05:03,800
I can control
my entire entertainment system
121
00:05:03,802 --> 00:05:05,035
using voice commands.
122
00:05:05,037 --> 00:05:08,471
Up until now,
I've had to use Leonard.
123
00:05:08,473 --> 00:05:11,141
Then get the other one.
Pass the butter.
124
00:05:11,143 --> 00:05:12,976
Get... Hang on.
125
00:05:12,978 --> 00:05:15,912
I don't feel like you're taking
this dilemma seriously.
126
00:05:15,914 --> 00:05:18,648
Fine, Sheldon.
127
00:05:18,650 --> 00:05:20,650
You have my undivided attention.
128
00:05:20,652 --> 00:05:23,753
Okay, now, the PS4 is
129
00:05:23,755 --> 00:05:25,688
more angular and sleek-looking.
130
00:05:25,690 --> 00:05:27,590
No way.
Yeah, well,
131
00:05:27,592 --> 00:05:30,560
it's true. But the larger size
of the Xbox One
132
00:05:30,562 --> 00:05:32,095
may keep it from overheating.
133
00:05:32,097 --> 00:05:34,230
Well, you wouldn't want
your gaming system to overheat.
134
00:05:34,232 --> 00:05:36,499
No, see? Well, you
absolutely would not.
135
00:05:36,501 --> 00:05:38,368
And furthermore,
the Xbox One
136
00:05:38,370 --> 00:05:40,570
now comes with
a Kinect included.
137
00:05:40,572 --> 00:05:42,739
Included?!
Yes!
138
00:05:42,741 --> 00:05:45,108
Not sold separately.
139
00:05:45,110 --> 00:05:46,476
Although...
140
00:05:46,478 --> 00:05:49,179
the PS4 uses cool new GDDR5 RAM,
141
00:05:49,181 --> 00:05:50,914
while the Xbox One
is still using
142
00:05:50,916 --> 00:05:52,882
the conventional DDR3 memory.
143
00:05:52,884 --> 00:05:54,918
Why would they still
be using DDR3?
144
00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:57,287
Are they nuts?!
145
00:05:57,289 --> 00:05:59,489
See? That's what I thought.
146
00:05:59,491 --> 00:06:02,166
But then they go and throw in
an ESRAM buffer.
147
00:06:02,191 --> 00:06:02,726
Whoa, whoa.
148
00:06:02,727 --> 00:06:05,595
Wait a second. Who's "they"?
Xbox.
149
00:06:05,597 --> 00:06:08,364
You're kidding!
No, I am not!
150
00:06:08,366 --> 00:06:10,300
And this ESRAM buffer
should totally bridge
151
00:06:10,302 --> 00:06:12,168
the 100-gigabit-per-second
bandwidth gap
152
00:06:12,170 --> 00:06:13,636
between the two RAM types.
153
00:06:13,638 --> 00:06:16,139
This is a nightmare. How will
you ever make a decision?
154
00:06:16,141 --> 00:06:17,774
You see?
I don't know!
155
00:06:17,776 --> 00:06:19,008
What should I do?
156
00:06:19,010 --> 00:06:20,477
Please pass the butter!
157
00:06:29,988 --> 00:06:33,456
Okay, it's not me, right?
This script is terrible.
158
00:06:33,458 --> 00:06:34,858
Yeah.
159
00:06:35,693 --> 00:06:37,494
I had higher hopes
for a movie called
160
00:06:37,496 --> 00:06:42,198
Serial Ape-ist 2:Monkey See, Monkey Kill.
161
00:06:42,967 --> 00:06:44,634
You know, it's
still possible
162
00:06:44,636 --> 00:06:46,769
for you to be good
in a bad movie.
163
00:06:46,771 --> 00:06:48,972
Okay.
164
00:06:48,974 --> 00:06:52,041
"Sometimes I feel
like I can control
165
00:06:52,043 --> 00:06:54,077
"the killer gorilla instinct
inside of me,
166
00:06:54,079 --> 00:06:56,713
"but then I see these bananas
and I...
167
00:06:56,715 --> 00:07:00,150
just want to eat them
and then kill people."
168
00:07:02,853 --> 00:07:05,655
What am I gonna do?
Well,
169
00:07:05,657 --> 00:07:07,466
for starters, I wouldn't
eat the bananas.
170
00:07:07,491 --> 00:07:08,325
No...
171
00:07:08,326 --> 00:07:11,995
Come on! This is serious.
Uh, uh,
172
00:07:11,997 --> 00:07:13,496
does it at least pay well?
173
00:07:13,498 --> 00:07:15,532
Less than I was making
at The Cheesecake Factory.
174
00:07:15,534 --> 00:07:17,033
What does your agent think?
175
00:07:17,035 --> 00:07:19,769
She's thinking of taking a job
at The Cheesecake Factory.
176
00:07:21,972 --> 00:07:24,340
You know what, why
don't you just do it?
177
00:07:24,342 --> 00:07:26,576
You'll go have fun for a
few weeks, make some money--
178
00:07:26,578 --> 00:07:28,578
and who knows what
it might lead to?
179
00:07:28,580 --> 00:07:29,846
Okay, look, here, page 58.
180
00:07:29,848 --> 00:07:33,783
I oil-wrestle an orangutan
in a bikini.
181
00:07:33,785 --> 00:07:36,953
Just to clarify, which one
of you is wearing the bikini?
182
00:07:36,955 --> 00:07:39,088
Both of us.
183
00:07:40,724 --> 00:07:42,926
So it's a family film.
184
00:07:46,197 --> 00:07:47,697
Thank you again for dinner.
185
00:07:47,699 --> 00:07:48,898
You're welcome.
186
00:07:48,900 --> 00:07:51,000
Good night.
Uh,
187
00:07:51,002 --> 00:07:52,402
it's date night.
188
00:07:52,404 --> 00:07:56,072
Aren't you, uh,
forgetting something?
189
00:07:56,074 --> 00:07:58,474
Oh, of course.
190
00:08:04,982 --> 00:08:09,252
Did I mention
the PS4 controllers light up?
191
00:08:11,255 --> 00:08:13,256
No.
192
00:08:13,258 --> 00:08:16,092
Well, they do.
193
00:08:19,430 --> 00:08:21,631
And then after coffee,
we went for a walk
194
00:08:21,633 --> 00:08:23,766
and she told me she always
thought people from India
195
00:08:23,768 --> 00:08:25,401
were exotic
and mysterious.
196
00:08:25,403 --> 00:08:28,504
So, with my mouth, I said,
"We're just like anybody else,"
197
00:08:28,506 --> 00:08:29,839
but with my eyes, I said,
198
00:08:29,841 --> 00:08:32,342
"Straight up, Red,
hop on my flying carpet."
199
00:08:34,745 --> 00:08:37,247
So, you gonna
see her again?
200
00:08:37,249 --> 00:08:38,615
Yeah, we have plans
this weekend.
201
00:08:38,617 --> 00:08:39,882
And if it's a clear night,
202
00:08:39,884 --> 00:08:42,785
I'm gonna lay
some romantic astronomy on her.
203
00:08:43,621 --> 00:08:45,321
Okay, like what?
Show me.
204
00:08:45,323 --> 00:08:47,190
I can't do that to Leonard.
205
00:08:47,192 --> 00:08:50,827
This is some powerful
panty-dropping stuff.
206
00:08:52,229 --> 00:08:54,831
You have my blessing. Go for it.
207
00:08:54,833 --> 00:08:57,867
Okay.
208
00:08:57,869 --> 00:09:00,136
Penny,
209
00:09:00,138 --> 00:09:03,506
two of the brightest stars
in the night sky
210
00:09:03,508 --> 00:09:05,475
are Altair and Vega.
211
00:09:05,477 --> 00:09:08,678
And it is said
they were deeply in love
212
00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:10,480
but forever
separated
213
00:09:10,482 --> 00:09:12,949
by the celestial river
of the Milky Way.
214
00:09:12,951 --> 00:09:14,817
Oh, that's sad.
It is.
215
00:09:14,819 --> 00:09:17,120
But once a year,
216
00:09:17,122 --> 00:09:20,290
on the seventh day
of the seventh month,
217
00:09:20,292 --> 00:09:24,894
Vega cries so hard that all
the magpies in the world fly up
218
00:09:24,896 --> 00:09:26,863
and create a bridge
with their wings
219
00:09:26,865 --> 00:09:28,898
so the two lovers
can be together
220
00:09:28,900 --> 00:09:30,833
for a single night
221
00:09:30,835 --> 00:09:32,802
of passion.
222
00:09:32,804 --> 00:09:36,205
Wow.
223
00:09:37,841 --> 00:09:39,909
Okay, that's enough.
224
00:09:43,247 --> 00:09:46,082
Quick poll: PS4 or Xbox One?
225
00:09:46,084 --> 00:09:47,350
Raj.
226
00:09:47,352 --> 00:09:48,751
Uh, Xbox One.
Penny.
227
00:09:48,753 --> 00:09:49,786
Huh?
228
00:09:49,788 --> 00:09:52,121
Leonard.
PS4.
229
00:09:52,123 --> 00:09:54,023
Wolowitz.
Both great.
230
00:09:54,025 --> 00:09:56,693
Bernadette.
I like the Wii.
231
00:09:58,062 --> 00:10:00,196
Thanks, Grandma.
232
00:10:02,833 --> 00:10:05,168
Oh, my goodness.
What's up?
233
00:10:05,170 --> 00:10:07,770
I just got an e-mail
from my ex-girlfriend Lucy.
234
00:10:07,772 --> 00:10:10,306
She... misses me
and wants to get together.
235
00:10:10,308 --> 00:10:12,709
Two women at
the same time?
236
00:10:12,711 --> 00:10:15,511
Nice job, playa!
237
00:10:16,347 --> 00:10:18,081
Really?
238
00:10:19,183 --> 00:10:22,452
Was it the "two women"
thing or the "playa"?
239
00:10:23,020 --> 00:10:24,754
It was the "playa".
240
00:10:33,338 --> 00:10:35,005
What am I
supposed to do?
241
00:10:35,007 --> 00:10:37,641
How am I supposed to choose
between Emily and Lucy?
242
00:10:37,643 --> 00:10:40,077
Why do you have to choose?
Date both of them.
243
00:10:40,079 --> 00:10:42,179
I can't date two women at once.
244
00:10:42,181 --> 00:10:44,415
Zero women--
that's my sweet spot.
245
00:10:44,417 --> 00:10:46,684
Unless you're sleeping
246
00:10:46,686 --> 00:10:49,219
with one of them, seeing
other people isn't a big deal.
247
00:10:49,221 --> 00:10:50,888
But what if one of them asks me
248
00:10:50,890 --> 00:10:52,556
what I was up to
the night before
249
00:10:52,558 --> 00:10:55,192
and I was with the other one?
Then, what, do I lie?
250
00:10:55,194 --> 00:10:56,760
Yes.
Yes.
251
00:10:59,030 --> 00:11:00,898
What do you mean, yes?
252
00:11:00,900 --> 00:11:02,566
What do you mean, yes?
253
00:11:02,568 --> 00:11:04,735
Were you seeing other women
when we started dating?
254
00:11:04,737 --> 00:11:06,403
No. Were you
seeing other men?
255
00:11:06,405 --> 00:11:07,338
No.
256
00:11:07,340 --> 00:11:09,006
Were you seeing
other men?
257
00:11:09,008 --> 00:11:10,674
No.
258
00:11:14,646 --> 00:11:16,814
Aren't you gonna ask me?
259
00:11:19,517 --> 00:11:21,819
Come on, really?
260
00:11:24,089 --> 00:11:26,190
Thank you so much
for letting us pick your brain.
261
00:11:26,192 --> 00:11:27,291
Yeah, happy to help.
262
00:11:27,293 --> 00:11:29,593
So, what's going on?
Well, I'm having
263
00:11:29,595 --> 00:11:31,528
an impossible time getting
my career off the ground,
264
00:11:31,530 --> 00:11:33,797
and I got offered a role
in this crappy horror movie,
265
00:11:33,799 --> 00:11:35,933
and I just don't know
if I should take it.
266
00:11:35,935 --> 00:11:37,901
Well, I have
certainly taken some jobs
267
00:11:37,903 --> 00:11:39,336
that I've been embarrassed by.
268
00:11:39,338 --> 00:11:43,140
I wouldn't exactly
call Star Trek embarrassing.
269
00:11:44,175 --> 00:11:46,510
I wasn't.
270
00:11:48,279 --> 00:11:50,614
Me, either.
271
00:11:50,616 --> 00:11:52,950
So, what do you think,
272
00:11:52,952 --> 00:11:55,285
is there a professional
downside to doing it?
273
00:11:55,287 --> 00:11:56,654
Well, it's tricky.
274
00:11:56,656 --> 00:11:59,523
You want to take projects
that you're excited about,
275
00:11:59,525 --> 00:12:01,925
but sometimes you also
have to pay the bills.
276
00:12:01,927 --> 00:12:04,461
When you're on the set
working on something
277
00:12:04,463 --> 00:12:07,931
that you just know in your heart
is bad-- not Star Trek...
278
00:12:09,502 --> 00:12:13,137
Yeah, beam me up. I love it!
279
00:12:14,305 --> 00:12:17,775
Anyway, those jobs
can be soul-crushing.
280
00:12:17,777 --> 00:12:19,309
That's what I'm afraid of.
281
00:12:19,311 --> 00:12:21,979
Well, I was in Stand By Me
when I was a kid,
282
00:12:21,981 --> 00:12:23,447
and it was a
huge success.
283
00:12:23,449 --> 00:12:25,849
The terrible movies I did
came after that.
284
00:12:25,851 --> 00:12:27,618
I mean, imagine how that feels.
285
00:12:27,620 --> 00:12:29,353
Sounds rough.
286
00:12:29,355 --> 00:12:31,588
I'm telling you,
this business is brutal.
287
00:12:31,590 --> 00:12:34,625
To this day,
I hate going on auditions.
288
00:12:34,627 --> 00:12:36,493
Okay, I walk in,
and I can just
289
00:12:36,495 --> 00:12:39,029
feel them thinking...
290
00:12:39,031 --> 00:12:42,866
"He was such a cute kid.
What happened to him?"
291
00:12:45,036 --> 00:12:46,570
And then I don't get the job,
292
00:12:46,572 --> 00:12:49,306
and I can never
find out why.
293
00:12:50,475 --> 00:12:53,544
Honestly, I get so depressed,
there are entire weeks
294
00:12:53,546 --> 00:12:56,680
that I can't even
get out of bed.
295
00:12:58,383 --> 00:13:00,651
Okay, this was helpful.
296
00:13:04,155 --> 00:13:06,857
Any news on your coworker
who's in the hospital?
297
00:13:06,859 --> 00:13:09,660
Poor thing, she was
in surgery for 18 hours.
298
00:13:09,662 --> 00:13:12,129
She's alive, but she's
still in critical condition.
299
00:13:12,131 --> 00:13:13,263
Oh, no.
300
00:13:13,265 --> 00:13:15,332
The one bit of good news
is they put her
301
00:13:15,334 --> 00:13:17,468
in a medically induced coma
before she read the card.
302
00:13:17,470 --> 00:13:19,870
So, you know,
silver linings.
303
00:13:22,874 --> 00:13:26,009
Were you like this
when I married you?
304
00:13:28,179 --> 00:13:30,514
Don't worry
about it, buddy.
305
00:13:30,516 --> 00:13:32,649
Okay, bye.
306
00:13:32,651 --> 00:13:34,284
That was Wil--
he's feeling a lot better.
307
00:13:34,286 --> 00:13:37,955
Apparently, he's 12-down in
the TV Guide crossword puzzle.
308
00:13:39,691 --> 00:13:41,725
Did he help you make a decision
about the movie?
309
00:13:41,727 --> 00:13:42,926
No. Did you figure out
310
00:13:42,928 --> 00:13:44,895
what you're gonna do
about the two girls?
311
00:13:44,897 --> 00:13:46,230
As a matter of fact, I did.
312
00:13:46,232 --> 00:13:47,698
I've spent
so many years
313
00:13:47,700 --> 00:13:50,734
living in fear,
saying no to new experiences,
314
00:13:50,736 --> 00:13:52,035
but from now on,
315
00:13:52,037 --> 00:13:53,804
I'm gonna say yes--
yes to love,
316
00:13:53,806 --> 00:13:56,306
yes to adventure, yes to life;
whatever it may be,
317
00:13:56,308 --> 00:13:58,008
the answer's going to be yes.
318
00:13:58,843 --> 00:14:00,477
He's gonna die alone, right?
319
00:14:00,479 --> 00:14:02,012
Yeah.
Yes.
320
00:14:04,482 --> 00:14:06,150
I'm proud of
you, Sheldon.
321
00:14:06,152 --> 00:14:07,918
You know, I'm proud of me, too.
322
00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:11,622
I've done all my research,
I conducted an informal poll,
323
00:14:11,624 --> 00:14:13,457
and I've arrived
at the rock-solid certainty
324
00:14:13,459 --> 00:14:14,792
I've made
the right choice.
325
00:14:14,794 --> 00:14:16,297
Well, that's got to be
a good feeling.
326
00:14:16,322 --> 00:14:17,929
Oh, it is.
327
00:14:17,930 --> 00:14:19,963
Although...
Oh, crap.
328
00:14:21,132 --> 00:14:24,835
I had the same feeling when
I made my dad buy a Betamax
329
00:14:24,837 --> 00:14:26,570
instead of a VHS.
330
00:14:26,572 --> 00:14:28,639
You were just a little kid.
331
00:14:28,641 --> 00:14:30,541
Yeah, a little kid
who picked the wrong format
332
00:14:30,543 --> 00:14:33,076
to record
The MacNeil/Lehrer Report.
333
00:14:34,145 --> 00:14:35,579
I also was certain
334
00:14:35,581 --> 00:14:38,448
that HD DVD would win out
over Blu-ray.
335
00:14:38,450 --> 00:14:40,717
How old were you then?
Old enough to know better.
336
00:14:42,687 --> 00:14:44,588
You know, and now that
I think about it,
337
00:14:44,590 --> 00:14:46,523
I stood in front of
a case of iPods
338
00:14:46,525 --> 00:14:49,459
and I bought a Zune.
339
00:14:50,962 --> 00:14:52,396
What's a Zune?
340
00:14:52,398 --> 00:14:54,331
Yeah, exactly.
341
00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:56,967
It's an MP3 player
342
00:14:56,969 --> 00:14:58,936
brought to us
by the makers of Xbox.
343
00:14:58,938 --> 00:15:01,238
What... no, what are you doing?
344
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:02,439
No, no, pick
that back up.
345
00:15:02,441 --> 00:15:04,508
You know it's good.
You did the research.
346
00:15:04,510 --> 00:15:05,976
But what if I'm wrong?
347
00:15:05,978 --> 00:15:07,744
You know what?
348
00:15:07,746 --> 00:15:10,047
How about I buy
it for you?
349
00:15:10,049 --> 00:15:11,348
How about
350
00:15:11,350 --> 00:15:13,250
I buy you both?
351
00:15:13,252 --> 00:15:15,152
You know I only have
one slot available
352
00:15:15,154 --> 00:15:16,453
in my entertainment center.
353
00:15:16,455 --> 00:15:18,622
Then I'll buy you a new
entertainment center.
354
00:15:18,624 --> 00:15:19,823
Well, yeah... okay, sure.
355
00:15:19,825 --> 00:15:22,659
But which one?
356
00:15:22,661 --> 00:15:24,261
How about this?
357
00:15:24,263 --> 00:15:25,896
I've heard
358
00:15:25,898 --> 00:15:27,164
that if you flip a coin,
359
00:15:27,166 --> 00:15:28,866
it will tell you how
you actually feel.
360
00:15:28,868 --> 00:15:30,334
Because you'll either
be disappointed
361
00:15:30,336 --> 00:15:31,802
or excited by the outcome.
362
00:15:31,804 --> 00:15:33,470
Interesting.
363
00:15:33,472 --> 00:15:36,974
So, heads it's PS4,
tails it's Xbox One.
364
00:15:38,309 --> 00:15:39,977
All right, I'll try.
365
00:15:44,148 --> 00:15:45,148
What is it?
366
00:15:45,150 --> 00:15:46,350
A quarter.
367
00:15:51,022 --> 00:15:52,522
Could have given
it back to me.
368
00:15:52,524 --> 00:15:54,291
That was a choice.
369
00:16:00,633 --> 00:16:02,332
You look...
370
00:16:02,334 --> 00:16:03,901
you look really pretty tonight.
371
00:16:03,903 --> 00:16:05,235
Thanks.
372
00:16:05,237 --> 00:16:06,203
I love that jacket.
373
00:16:06,205 --> 00:16:07,938
Thank you.
Thanks, thanks.
374
00:16:10,408 --> 00:16:12,409
I'm sorry. I can't do this.
375
00:16:12,411 --> 00:16:14,344
My... my ex-girlfriend
e-mailed me,
376
00:16:14,346 --> 00:16:15,946
and I'm seeing her Saturday...
377
00:16:15,948 --> 00:16:19,716
And I'm glad you like it--
it's from J. Crew.
378
00:16:20,652 --> 00:16:22,319
I don't understand.
379
00:16:22,321 --> 00:16:23,720
My friends told me it was okay
380
00:16:23,722 --> 00:16:25,555
to see more than
one person at a time,
381
00:16:25,557 --> 00:16:27,224
but it-it feels like
I'm being deceitful.
382
00:16:27,226 --> 00:16:29,059
Are you getting
back together with her?
383
00:16:29,061 --> 00:16:30,360
No.
384
00:16:30,362 --> 00:16:32,129
I-I... I have no idea.
385
00:16:32,131 --> 00:16:33,497
What would you do?
386
00:16:33,499 --> 00:16:37,968
Uh, usually on first dates,
I talk about music and stuff,
387
00:16:37,970 --> 00:16:40,704
but I was promised weird,
so let's do this.
388
00:16:41,839 --> 00:16:43,573
How serious were you two?
389
00:16:43,575 --> 00:16:46,176
Well, to be honest,
390
00:16:46,178 --> 00:16:49,579
we only went on four dates,
hugged twice, kissed once,
391
00:16:49,581 --> 00:16:53,250
and there was a handshake
loaded with sexual innuendo.
392
00:16:56,154 --> 00:16:57,654
Wait, so...
393
00:16:57,656 --> 00:16:59,823
a girl you never slept with
sent you an e-mail
394
00:16:59,825 --> 00:17:02,526
and you felt so guilty about it
that you had to tell me?
395
00:17:02,528 --> 00:17:03,660
Yeah.
396
00:17:03,662 --> 00:17:06,396
That's kind of adorable.
397
00:17:06,398 --> 00:17:08,465
Are you... are you sure?
398
00:17:08,467 --> 00:17:10,100
Because this is
the part of the night
399
00:17:10,102 --> 00:17:12,269
where I've said something stupid
and the girl usually leaves.
400
00:17:12,271 --> 00:17:13,603
I'm still here.
401
00:17:13,605 --> 00:17:17,374
Yeah, but now you make me wonder
what's wrong with you.
402
00:17:18,710 --> 00:17:20,377
We just met.
403
00:17:20,379 --> 00:17:22,879
You don't need to tell me about
other people you're seeing.
404
00:17:22,881 --> 00:17:24,815
Really?
Mm-hmm.
405
00:17:24,817 --> 00:17:26,950
Because "I'm dating two women"
406
00:17:26,952 --> 00:17:30,253
is basically the only cool
thing I can say about myself.
407
00:17:41,165 --> 00:17:44,968
On the one hand, the Xbox One
has a better camera...
408
00:17:44,970 --> 00:17:48,805
but the PS4 has
a removable hard drive.
409
00:17:48,807 --> 00:17:51,108
Thoughts?
410
00:17:51,110 --> 00:17:53,310
I can't feel
my legs.
411
00:17:56,047 --> 00:17:57,881
Oh... I'm sorry, guys,
412
00:17:57,883 --> 00:17:59,483
but the store closed
five minutes ago.
413
00:17:59,485 --> 00:18:02,019
But I haven't
decided yet.
414
00:18:02,021 --> 00:18:03,353
You'll have to come
back tomorrow.
415
00:18:03,355 --> 00:18:04,855
The registers are closed.
416
00:18:08,861 --> 00:18:10,961
Let's get you
some food.
417
00:18:10,963 --> 00:18:12,362
Y-You'll feel better
after you eat.
418
00:18:12,364 --> 00:18:14,598
Okay.
419
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:16,733
What-what do you want,
like, Thai food?
420
00:18:16,735 --> 00:18:18,402
A... a burger?
421
00:18:18,404 --> 00:18:20,670
I don't know!
422
00:18:31,549 --> 00:18:33,784
Hey, look, a quarter!
423
00:18:47,066 --> 00:18:48,377
How's that feel?
424
00:18:48,378 --> 00:18:49,543
Great.
425
00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:51,946
Not like regret at all.
426
00:18:53,448 --> 00:18:55,883
Penny?
427
00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:57,385
We're working together!
428
00:18:58,702 --> 00:19:00,135
Awesome!
429
00:19:00,137 --> 00:19:05,137
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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