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1
00:00:03,023 --> 00:00:04,864
Should you really be
sitting in Sheldon's spot?
2
00:00:06,260 --> 00:00:08,194
He's in Texas.
He'll never know.
3
00:00:08,196 --> 00:00:09,962
I wouldn't be
so sure about that.
4
00:00:09,964 --> 00:00:11,564
Yeah, he has
a very sensitive butt.
5
00:00:14,134 --> 00:00:15,434
Well, it's true.
6
00:00:15,436 --> 00:00:18,838
Once I saw him sit on a bunch
of loose change and add it up.
7
00:00:20,307 --> 00:00:21,440
Have you heard from Howard?
8
00:00:21,442 --> 00:00:23,676
I did.
His talk at NASA went great.
9
00:00:23,678 --> 00:00:24,910
Sheldon didn't heckle him?
10
00:00:24,912 --> 00:00:26,579
No, in fact, he was
so well-behaved,
11
00:00:26,581 --> 00:00:28,280
Howie bought him
a Buzz Aldrin bobble head
12
00:00:28,282 --> 00:00:29,582
and astronaut ice cream.
13
00:00:30,818 --> 00:00:32,184
Hey, guys.
14
00:00:32,186 --> 00:00:33,486
Oh, hi. - Hi, Stewart.
Hey, Stewart!
15
00:00:33,488 --> 00:00:35,354
How's it going?
Good.
16
00:00:35,356 --> 00:00:37,990
Sheldon's out of town,
so we can do whatever we want.
17
00:00:37,992 --> 00:00:40,126
We even ordered from
the Thai place he doesn't like.
18
00:00:40,128 --> 00:00:41,260
Oh, how is it?
19
00:00:41,262 --> 00:00:43,295
Disgusting. Do not tell him.
20
00:00:44,297 --> 00:00:45,765
What do you guys want
to do tonight?
21
00:00:45,767 --> 00:00:46,832
I don't know.
22
00:00:46,834 --> 00:00:48,401
Well, I told Howie
if I wasn't busy,
23
00:00:48,403 --> 00:00:50,002
I'd spend the night
at his mom's.
24
00:00:50,004 --> 00:00:52,271
So for God's sake,
think of something.
25
00:00:54,842 --> 00:00:56,142
Stuart?
26
00:00:56,144 --> 00:00:57,176
Are you okay?
27
00:00:57,178 --> 00:00:59,545
No, I don't feel so...
28
00:00:59,547 --> 00:01:01,213
Oh, Stuart?
Stuart?
29
00:01:01,215 --> 00:01:03,115
Oh, my God,
you guys need to do something!
30
00:01:03,117 --> 00:01:05,184
Stuart?
Calling 911.
31
00:01:05,186 --> 00:01:07,319
Well, it's too late.
What do you mean it's too late?
32
00:01:07,321 --> 00:01:10,556
He's been murdered
by someone in this room.
33
00:01:12,093 --> 00:01:14,460
Oh, my God.
Oh, come on!
34
00:01:14,462 --> 00:01:15,995
Welcome to another classic
35
00:01:15,997 --> 00:01:19,832
Koothrappali
murder mystery dinner.
36
00:01:19,834 --> 00:01:20,900
I'm leaving.
37
00:01:20,902 --> 00:01:23,302
You can't leave.
38
00:01:23,304 --> 00:01:24,970
You're a suspect in
the mysterious murder
39
00:01:24,972 --> 00:01:27,006
of Stuart Bloom.
40
00:01:29,177 --> 00:01:31,577
I didn't know his
last name was Bloom.
41
00:01:31,579 --> 00:01:33,946
Yeah, it's Bloom.
42
00:01:33,948 --> 00:01:35,181
Are you really gonna
lie on the floor
43
00:01:35,183 --> 00:01:36,549
and pretend
to be dead all night?
44
00:01:36,551 --> 00:01:38,751
What do you think
I was gonna do at home?
45
00:01:40,120 --> 00:01:43,756
♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪
46
00:01:43,758 --> 00:01:47,093
♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪
47
00:01:47,095 --> 00:01:48,727
♪ The Earth began to cool ♪
48
00:01:48,729 --> 00:01:51,263
♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪
49
00:01:51,265 --> 00:01:53,933
♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪
50
00:01:53,935 --> 00:01:56,602
♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪
51
00:01:56,604 --> 00:01:58,504
♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪
52
00:01:58,506 --> 00:02:00,473
♪ Bang! ♪
53
00:02:00,566 --> 00:02:04,566
♪ The Big Bang Theory 7x18 ♪
The Mommy Observation
Original Air Date on March 13, 2014
54
00:02:04,592 --> 00:02:09,592
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
55
00:02:09,618 --> 00:02:11,886
Are you gonna make us pretend
to be a bunch of lame characters
56
00:02:11,888 --> 00:02:13,588
with silly accents?
57
00:02:13,590 --> 00:02:16,557
"Lame characters
with silly ac..."
58
00:02:16,559 --> 00:02:19,260
What kind of actress are you?
59
00:02:21,363 --> 00:02:22,630
You're right, I'm sorry.
60
00:02:22,632 --> 00:02:25,133
It... sounds like fun.
Thank you.
61
00:02:25,135 --> 00:02:26,868
That kind of actress.
This sucks!
62
00:02:28,771 --> 00:02:29,938
Come on, guys.
63
00:02:29,940 --> 00:02:31,105
Raj put a lot of
effort into this.
64
00:02:31,107 --> 00:02:32,140
And that's great.
65
00:02:32,142 --> 00:02:35,443
It's not sad, it's great.
66
00:02:35,445 --> 00:02:37,378
I think it might be fun
to be someone else tonight.
67
00:02:37,380 --> 00:02:39,013
Actually, you're all just
gonna be yourselves.
68
00:02:39,015 --> 00:02:40,815
Oh... ugh.
69
00:02:42,184 --> 00:02:43,618
All right,
if I'm doing this,
70
00:02:43,620 --> 00:02:45,553
I'm playing to win,
so just to be clear:
71
00:02:45,555 --> 00:02:47,956
If we're ourselves, that means
one of us killed Stuart?
72
00:02:47,958 --> 00:02:49,057
Very good, Bernadette.
73
00:02:49,059 --> 00:02:51,592
You are a regular
Byomkesh Bakshi.
74
00:02:51,594 --> 00:02:54,796
What is that, like,
the Indian Sherlock Holmes?
75
00:02:54,798 --> 00:02:58,700
Or is Sherlock Holmes
the English Byomkesh Bakshi?
76
00:02:59,969 --> 00:03:02,003
According to Wikipedia,
Sherlock Holmes came first.
77
00:03:02,005 --> 00:03:04,872
Great, everyone's
a Byomkesh Bakshi.
78
00:03:04,874 --> 00:03:06,908
Now... here are
79
00:03:06,910 --> 00:03:09,310
some secret facts
80
00:03:09,312 --> 00:03:10,645
about each of you,
81
00:03:10,647 --> 00:03:13,581
including whether
you are the murderer.
82
00:03:13,583 --> 00:03:14,949
Throughout the game, feel free
83
00:03:14,951 --> 00:03:17,385
to ask each other questions
to uncover clues.
84
00:03:17,387 --> 00:03:18,920
Got it. Hey...
85
00:03:18,922 --> 00:03:21,222
who's the murderer?
86
00:03:22,491 --> 00:03:25,226
Any question but that.
87
00:03:25,228 --> 00:03:27,228
Sorry. Hey...
88
00:03:27,230 --> 00:03:30,064
who's not the murderer?
89
00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:34,736
Bernadette, can you not stand
so close to me?
90
00:03:34,738 --> 00:03:35,737
What do you care? You're dead.
91
00:03:35,739 --> 00:03:36,938
Suit yourself.
92
00:03:36,940 --> 00:03:39,640
But I can kind of...
see up your skirt.
93
00:03:48,150 --> 00:03:50,551
Thank you
for my bobble head.
94
00:03:50,553 --> 00:03:53,788
Thank you for not making fun
of me during my speech.
95
00:03:53,790 --> 00:03:55,957
It wasn't easy. Was it Buzz?
96
00:03:59,328 --> 00:04:01,729
We can't show up to
your mom's empty-handed.
97
00:04:01,731 --> 00:04:03,364
We should bring something.
98
00:04:03,366 --> 00:04:04,932
I already am.
99
00:04:04,934 --> 00:04:06,868
I'm bringing
the gift of knowledge.
100
00:04:06,870 --> 00:04:08,736
Oh, boy.
101
00:04:08,738 --> 00:04:10,905
Despite what her Bible says,
102
00:04:10,907 --> 00:04:12,840
recent archeological
studies indicate
103
00:04:12,842 --> 00:04:15,710
that although camels are
referenced in the Old Testament,
104
00:04:15,712 --> 00:04:17,578
they didn't exist
in the Middle East
105
00:04:17,580 --> 00:04:19,981
until hundreds of years later.
106
00:04:19,983 --> 00:04:22,784
I was gonna say we pick up
a cake or a pie.
107
00:04:22,786 --> 00:04:25,353
But an insult to her faith
is always thoughtful.
108
00:04:28,891 --> 00:04:30,558
So, what happens next?
109
00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:32,126
I can't tell you that.
110
00:04:32,128 --> 00:04:33,461
But perhaps the killer dropped
111
00:04:33,463 --> 00:04:35,129
a fun and imaginative clue
112
00:04:35,131 --> 00:04:36,831
somewhere in the apartment.
113
00:04:36,833 --> 00:04:37,965
Ooh, I'm gonna check the fridge,
114
00:04:37,967 --> 00:04:40,802
and see if there are
any clues inside a beer.
115
00:04:41,970 --> 00:04:43,438
Hey, I-I found something.
116
00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:45,373
It looks like a little man
with a briefcase.
117
00:04:45,375 --> 00:04:47,542
Oh, no, no.
That's Clarence Darrow.
118
00:04:47,544 --> 00:04:50,945
It's from a game Sheldon made up
called Chutes and Lawyers.
119
00:04:52,815 --> 00:04:54,582
You slide down a chute
and then work your way back up
120
00:04:54,584 --> 00:04:56,784
through the appellate system.
121
00:04:58,220 --> 00:05:01,823
Well, unlike that,
my games are much more fun.
122
00:05:01,825 --> 00:05:02,890
Okay, can I ask you something?
123
00:05:02,892 --> 00:05:04,292
Why do you like making us
do this stuff?
124
00:05:04,294 --> 00:05:06,627
Well, I guess
it goes back to
125
00:05:06,629 --> 00:05:08,996
when I was a fat kid in India,
and didn't have any friends.
126
00:05:08,998 --> 00:05:10,298
I didn't know you were fat.
127
00:05:10,300 --> 00:05:11,632
Yeah, I was...
128
00:05:11,634 --> 00:05:14,402
I was 200 pounds by the time
I was in middle school.
129
00:05:14,404 --> 00:05:16,304
Kids were mean.
130
00:05:16,306 --> 00:05:17,505
Cows may be sacred there,
131
00:05:17,507 --> 00:05:19,707
but it doesn't help
if you look like one.
132
00:05:21,543 --> 00:05:22,743
Anyway, I was pretty lonely,
133
00:05:22,745 --> 00:05:24,612
so I had to make up
my own stories and games,
134
00:05:24,614 --> 00:05:25,913
and I promised myself
135
00:05:25,915 --> 00:05:28,082
if I ever made
any friends that...
136
00:05:28,084 --> 00:05:30,518
that I would play
those games with them.
137
00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:32,520
That is so sweet.
138
00:05:32,522 --> 00:05:34,288
I've seen old pictures of you.
139
00:05:34,290 --> 00:05:36,057
You were never a fat kid.
140
00:05:36,059 --> 00:05:37,825
No, I was svelte as a gazelle.
141
00:05:39,528 --> 00:05:42,430
A gazelle blessed with a flair
for storytelling.
142
00:05:46,135 --> 00:05:48,870
Hey, what about this?
It looks like a receipt.
143
00:05:48,872 --> 00:05:49,804
What's it for?
144
00:05:49,806 --> 00:05:50,905
For a cup of coffee.
145
00:05:50,907 --> 00:05:52,907
But it's dated
20 years from now.
146
00:05:52,909 --> 00:05:54,342
From the future?!
147
00:05:54,344 --> 00:05:56,511
How fun and imaginative.
148
00:05:57,913 --> 00:06:00,448
So one of us came back
from the future
149
00:06:00,450 --> 00:06:02,216
to murder Stuart?
Correct.
150
00:06:02,218 --> 00:06:04,118
Does the gazelle with a flair
for storytelling
151
00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:06,654
know he's just ripping off
Terminator?
152
00:06:06,656 --> 00:06:09,123
Does the smart-ass know
that Terminator was actually
153
00:06:09,125 --> 00:06:10,858
ripped off from an Outer Limits
script called
154
00:06:10,860 --> 00:06:13,027
Demon With a Glass Hand,
by Harlan Ellison?
155
00:06:13,029 --> 00:06:16,330
Oh, does the gazelle know that
according to Harlan Ellison,
156
00:06:16,332 --> 00:06:18,733
it was not ripped off
from Demon With a Glass Hand,
157
00:06:18,735 --> 00:06:21,335
but was ripped off from another
Outer Limits script
158
00:06:21,337 --> 00:06:22,937
he wrote called The Soldier?
159
00:06:22,939 --> 00:06:25,173
I'm gonna need
another clue.
160
00:06:28,610 --> 00:06:30,144
Okay...
161
00:06:30,146 --> 00:06:32,113
give me
the flowers and pie.
162
00:06:32,115 --> 00:06:34,215
But if we show up
and you're holding them,
163
00:06:34,217 --> 00:06:36,150
she'll think
they're only from you.
164
00:06:36,152 --> 00:06:37,552
They are only from me.
165
00:06:37,554 --> 00:06:40,521
You said the gift
of you was enough.
166
00:06:40,523 --> 00:06:42,990
Yes... but now
167
00:06:42,992 --> 00:06:44,725
that I've seen
what the gift of me
168
00:06:44,727 --> 00:06:46,127
with flowers and pie looks like,
169
00:06:46,129 --> 00:06:47,662
there's no going back.
170
00:06:49,431 --> 00:06:53,000
Boy, I can't wait to see
the look on her face...
171
00:06:53,002 --> 00:06:54,202
We're leaving right now.
172
00:06:54,204 --> 00:06:55,369
What's wrong?
Nothing.
173
00:06:55,371 --> 00:06:57,772
What? Sheldon, tell me
what's going on!
174
00:06:57,774 --> 00:06:59,173
I saw my mommy with a naked man
175
00:06:59,175 --> 00:07:00,808
and she was trying
to be a mommy again.
176
00:07:13,552 --> 00:07:15,453
You ready to talk about it?
177
00:07:15,455 --> 00:07:17,588
I'm not nearly drunk enough.
178
00:07:20,092 --> 00:07:23,194
Okay.
179
00:07:25,166 --> 00:07:27,134
Do you have any idea
what it's like to see
180
00:07:27,136 --> 00:07:29,069
your mother ravaging someone?
181
00:07:29,071 --> 00:07:32,506
Does a brisket count?
182
00:07:35,376 --> 00:07:37,544
I'm sorry, buddy, that's rough.
183
00:07:37,546 --> 00:07:39,045
But didn't she know
we were coming?
184
00:07:39,047 --> 00:07:40,046
No.
185
00:07:40,048 --> 00:07:41,915
I wanted to surprise her.
186
00:07:41,917 --> 00:07:45,018
What am I supposed to say to
her after something like this?
187
00:07:45,020 --> 00:07:46,853
Well, did she see you
in the window?
188
00:07:46,855 --> 00:07:47,954
No.
189
00:07:47,956 --> 00:07:49,055
Then don't say anything.
190
00:07:49,057 --> 00:07:51,258
I have to.
191
00:07:51,260 --> 00:07:54,027
How can we ever hope to have
a healthy relationship
192
00:07:54,029 --> 00:07:56,429
if I don't tell her
how disappointed I am,
193
00:07:56,431 --> 00:07:58,798
and that I'll never forgive her?
194
00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:01,868
Well, don't do it on the phone.
195
00:08:01,870 --> 00:08:03,370
No, I'm just going
to tell her I'm coming
196
00:08:03,372 --> 00:08:06,740
so she can give that Good
Time Charlie the heave-ho.
197
00:08:06,742 --> 00:08:08,508
That's some tough talk.
198
00:08:08,510 --> 00:08:10,143
I may need to cut you off.
199
00:08:11,179 --> 00:08:12,279
Yeah, maybe you better.
200
00:08:12,281 --> 00:08:14,481
I took a pretty big sip.
201
00:08:17,585 --> 00:08:20,187
Look, she's a grown woman.
202
00:08:20,189 --> 00:08:23,857
And-and your dad's been
gone a long time.
203
00:08:23,859 --> 00:08:26,793
Maybe this is
none of your business.
204
00:08:26,795 --> 00:08:28,762
I beg to differ.
205
00:08:28,764 --> 00:08:31,231
I used to live in
those genitals.
206
00:08:32,867 --> 00:08:34,668
And if someone wants
to move into my old room,
207
00:08:34,670 --> 00:08:36,102
I should at least get a vote.
208
00:08:40,708 --> 00:08:42,909
Okay, murder suspects,
209
00:08:42,911 --> 00:08:45,912
Leonard has found the time
machine the killer must've used.
210
00:08:45,914 --> 00:08:47,047
You're all inside it,
211
00:08:47,049 --> 00:08:49,683
and we hurtle
through the very fabric of time.
212
00:08:57,592 --> 00:09:01,094
And welcome
to 20 years in the future.
213
00:09:02,830 --> 00:09:04,731
Hey, you guys
just time-traveled.
214
00:09:04,733 --> 00:09:07,334
Stop looking so bored.
215
00:09:07,336 --> 00:09:09,803
Well, my beer isn't flat
and my rack's not saggy.
216
00:09:09,805 --> 00:09:11,938
So far, the future's great.
217
00:09:13,107 --> 00:09:16,176
Hey, can I go to the bathroom?
218
00:09:16,178 --> 00:09:18,345
Fine, just try not
to look too alive.
219
00:09:18,347 --> 00:09:19,446
That's my jam.
220
00:09:22,250 --> 00:09:25,252
So one of us went back
in time to kill Stuart?
221
00:09:25,254 --> 00:09:26,353
But why?
222
00:09:26,355 --> 00:09:28,188
Perhaps this will help.
223
00:09:28,190 --> 00:09:29,289
Here are some facts
224
00:09:29,291 --> 00:09:32,926
about yourselves in the future
225
00:09:32,928 --> 00:09:35,996
that might contain a clue.
226
00:09:35,998 --> 00:09:36,997
Hey, I-I won
227
00:09:36,999 --> 00:09:38,965
the Nobel Prize in physiology.
228
00:09:38,967 --> 00:09:41,701
Then I used the money to buy
Stuart's comic book store,
229
00:09:41,703 --> 00:09:45,438
and close it down so Sheldon
would pay attention to me.
230
00:09:47,642 --> 00:09:50,410
Not the worst idea.
231
00:09:51,579 --> 00:09:54,147
Hey, I'm a famous actress
living in London.
232
00:09:54,149 --> 00:09:56,082
Hmm! I'm a professor at Stanford.
Hmm!
233
00:09:56,084 --> 00:09:57,984
So I guess you two are
making it work long distance.
234
00:09:57,986 --> 00:09:59,252
Oh, no.
235
00:09:59,254 --> 00:10:01,521
In this game,
as your careers both took off,
236
00:10:01,523 --> 00:10:02,355
you drifted apart.
237
00:10:02,357 --> 00:10:04,057
Kind of like how future me
238
00:10:04,059 --> 00:10:06,326
lost touch with you guys
after I became boy toy
239
00:10:06,328 --> 00:10:09,963
for the wrinkled,
but still flexible, Madonna.
240
00:10:11,198 --> 00:10:13,533
What does
your card say, Bernadette?
241
00:10:13,535 --> 00:10:14,634
Eh, eh, eh, hang on.
242
00:10:14,636 --> 00:10:16,636
Do-do you think
we'd really drift apart
243
00:10:16,638 --> 00:10:18,204
if we both became successful?
244
00:10:18,206 --> 00:10:19,673
Of course not.
245
00:10:19,675 --> 00:10:21,341
If I became a famous actress
and had to move,
246
00:10:21,343 --> 00:10:22,776
you would just come with me.
247
00:10:24,111 --> 00:10:26,379
But if I get a chance
to be a tenured professor,
248
00:10:26,381 --> 00:10:28,948
I might not have that much
choice in where I end up.
249
00:10:28,950 --> 00:10:30,784
Yeah, but if I become
a successful actress,
250
00:10:30,786 --> 00:10:32,352
we wouldn't need the money.
251
00:10:32,354 --> 00:10:35,388
Well, you don't go
into science for the money.
252
00:10:35,390 --> 00:10:36,389
Speak for yourself.
253
00:10:36,391 --> 00:10:38,358
Last month,
my company both invented
254
00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:41,361
and cured
Restless Eye Syndrome.
255
00:10:43,698 --> 00:10:46,466
Ka-ching,
ya blinky chumps.
256
00:10:48,002 --> 00:10:50,003
So, wait, if my career
took me somewhere else,
257
00:10:50,005 --> 00:10:51,404
you might not go?
258
00:10:51,406 --> 00:10:52,872
Well...
259
00:10:55,843 --> 00:10:58,511
He started it.
260
00:10:58,513 --> 00:11:01,047
Okay, okay, guys--
new back stories.
261
00:11:01,049 --> 00:11:04,184
Uh, Penny and Leonard,
you two lovebirds are
262
00:11:04,186 --> 00:11:06,453
super successful
and living in New York.
263
00:11:06,455 --> 00:11:08,254
Uh, you're an actress,
you're a professor
264
00:11:08,256 --> 00:11:09,756
and you have
three beautiful kids.
265
00:11:09,758 --> 00:11:10,790
Great.
266
00:11:10,792 --> 00:11:11,925
Really? You think I'm putting
267
00:11:11,927 --> 00:11:13,426
this body through three kids?
268
00:11:15,963 --> 00:11:17,864
Okay, let's do this.
269
00:11:17,866 --> 00:11:18,898
Good luck.
270
00:11:18,900 --> 00:11:20,033
You...
271
00:11:20,035 --> 00:11:21,701
Aren't you gonna come with me?
272
00:11:21,703 --> 00:11:24,204
While you confront your mother
about her sex life?
273
00:11:24,206 --> 00:11:27,774
I'd rather go back to that bar
in ass-less chaps.
274
00:11:33,414 --> 00:11:35,482
Mother?
275
00:11:35,484 --> 00:11:36,883
Mother.
276
00:11:36,885 --> 00:11:38,351
Mother?
277
00:11:38,353 --> 00:11:41,254
Shelly!
I'm so glad you're here!
278
00:11:41,256 --> 00:11:43,223
I saw you having naked sex.
279
00:11:46,060 --> 00:11:47,594
What are you talking about?
280
00:11:47,596 --> 00:11:49,796
Earlier, I came here
to surprise you.
281
00:11:49,798 --> 00:11:52,799
I looked in the window
and I saw you with a man.
282
00:11:52,801 --> 00:11:55,635
Oh, Shelly, I'm so sorry.
283
00:11:55,637 --> 00:11:57,270
Come in.
284
00:11:59,573 --> 00:12:00,907
Um...
285
00:12:00,909 --> 00:12:03,410
Maybe we should sit down
286
00:12:03,412 --> 00:12:05,111
and talk about this.
287
00:12:05,113 --> 00:12:07,380
Can you recommend a surface
288
00:12:07,382 --> 00:12:09,549
you haven't had coitus on?
289
00:12:11,452 --> 00:12:13,953
That's not funny.
290
00:12:16,957 --> 00:12:19,559
Maybe we should sit
at the table.
291
00:12:26,934 --> 00:12:29,135
Well, I'm sure that, uh,
292
00:12:29,137 --> 00:12:31,471
you...
293
00:12:31,473 --> 00:12:33,473
have a lot of questions.
294
00:12:33,475 --> 00:12:35,575
Who was he?
295
00:12:35,577 --> 00:12:36,543
His name is Ron.
296
00:12:36,545 --> 00:12:38,611
I met him at my prayer group.
297
00:12:39,613 --> 00:12:41,481
How long have you been
involved with him?
298
00:12:41,483 --> 00:12:42,682
A few months.
299
00:12:42,684 --> 00:12:44,684
And of those few months,
300
00:12:44,686 --> 00:12:48,121
how long have you been
a demented sex pervert?
301
00:12:51,058 --> 00:12:53,593
That is no way
to speak to your mother.
302
00:12:53,595 --> 00:12:55,161
Perhaps not.
303
00:12:55,163 --> 00:12:57,997
But it is a way to speak
to a woman who quoted the Bible
304
00:12:57,999 --> 00:13:00,066
to me my whole life,
and then desecrates
305
00:13:00,068 --> 00:13:02,936
one of Ethan Allen's
finest sofas.
306
00:13:02,938 --> 00:13:05,171
I will give you one opportunity,
307
00:13:05,173 --> 00:13:06,306
young man, to apologize.
308
00:13:06,308 --> 00:13:08,675
Or what?
309
00:13:08,677 --> 00:13:09,909
Or I will send you to your room.
310
00:13:09,911 --> 00:13:12,178
That's ridiculous.
311
00:13:12,180 --> 00:13:13,947
I am a grown man.
312
00:13:13,949 --> 00:13:15,782
I am a professional scientist.
313
00:13:15,784 --> 00:13:18,218
And I currently occupy
the moral high ground.
314
00:13:18,220 --> 00:13:19,252
Go to your room.
315
00:13:20,788 --> 00:13:24,624
But I occupy
the moral high ground.
316
00:13:24,626 --> 00:13:25,825
Go to your room.
317
00:13:25,827 --> 00:13:28,862
But I'm
a professional scientist.
318
00:13:28,864 --> 00:13:31,631
Go... to your room!
319
00:13:36,036 --> 00:13:38,371
I'm a grown man.
320
00:13:40,808 --> 00:13:42,742
Can we please get back
to the game?
321
00:13:42,744 --> 00:13:43,843
I-I-In a minute.
322
00:13:43,845 --> 00:13:45,311
I-I-I don't understand
why any success
323
00:13:45,313 --> 00:13:47,313
you have in acting
is more important
324
00:13:47,315 --> 00:13:49,082
than any I have in science.
325
00:13:49,084 --> 00:13:51,117
Okay, if you do
something cool in science,
326
00:13:51,119 --> 00:13:52,385
you might change the world.
327
00:13:52,387 --> 00:13:53,520
If I become
328
00:13:53,522 --> 00:13:55,221
a famous actress...
329
00:13:55,223 --> 00:13:57,524
I'm not gonna tell you
why movie stars are the best.
330
00:13:57,526 --> 00:13:59,158
They just are.
331
00:14:00,361 --> 00:14:02,962
I'm surprised you guys never
talked about this stuff.
332
00:14:02,964 --> 00:14:05,198
Like you and Sheldon have
everything figured out?
333
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:06,299
Actually,
334
00:14:06,301 --> 00:14:07,267
our relationship agreement
335
00:14:07,269 --> 00:14:09,469
covers a wide array
of scenarios,
336
00:14:09,471 --> 00:14:12,038
including career changes,
financial instability,
337
00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:14,474
intelligent dog uprising...
338
00:14:15,175 --> 00:14:16,943
FYI, we plan on selling out
339
00:14:16,945 --> 00:14:19,112
the human race hard.
340
00:14:22,049 --> 00:14:25,018
In 20 years, who knows
what'll happen with any of us?
341
00:14:25,020 --> 00:14:27,487
I think you and Leonard
will be together.
342
00:14:27,489 --> 00:14:29,055
You do?
Yeah.
343
00:14:29,057 --> 00:14:31,224
I think you're
the best couple I know.
344
00:14:31,226 --> 00:14:32,825
Aw.
That's so sweet.
345
00:14:32,827 --> 00:14:35,228
What the hell?!
Excuse me?
346
00:14:35,230 --> 00:14:36,195
Ah-da-da-da-da!
347
00:14:36,197 --> 00:14:38,164
Let the dead man talk.
348
00:14:39,266 --> 00:14:40,400
So, why do you think that?
349
00:14:40,402 --> 00:14:42,201
Uh, well, I feel like
350
00:14:42,203 --> 00:14:45,271
you guys make each
other better.
351
00:14:45,273 --> 00:14:47,106
Penny brought Leonard
out of his shell.
352
00:14:47,108 --> 00:14:48,341
And it seems like Leonard
353
00:14:48,343 --> 00:14:50,443
makes Penny think more
deeply about the world.
354
00:14:50,445 --> 00:14:51,611
I don't know.
355
00:14:51,613 --> 00:14:54,681
Together, you two kind of
make one awesome person.
356
00:14:54,683 --> 00:14:56,883
Aw, Stuart.
357
00:14:56,885 --> 00:14:59,419
Now I feel bad
for murdering you.
358
00:14:59,421 --> 00:15:02,121
Oh, come on!
359
00:15:02,123 --> 00:15:03,590
Penny did it! I win!
360
00:15:03,592 --> 00:15:06,559
Suck it, jackasses!
361
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:14,867
Hey, can I come in?
362
00:15:14,869 --> 00:15:16,803
Apparently any man
is welcome in this house.
363
00:15:16,805 --> 00:15:18,938
Why not you?
364
00:15:20,741 --> 00:15:22,375
I thought you were waiting
in the car.
365
00:15:22,377 --> 00:15:24,377
That was an hour ago, Sheldon.
366
00:15:24,379 --> 00:15:26,980
A Jew sits in front of a house
in Texas that long,
367
00:15:26,982 --> 00:15:29,115
"For Sale" signs
start to go up.
368
00:15:31,986 --> 00:15:35,421
I take it things didn't
go smoothly with your mom.
369
00:15:35,423 --> 00:15:37,790
No.
370
00:15:37,792 --> 00:15:40,927
I'm not sure how we're going
to get past this.
371
00:15:40,929 --> 00:15:42,128
You know, I...
372
00:15:42,130 --> 00:15:44,797
I sort of went
through something
373
00:15:44,799 --> 00:15:46,599
like this myself.
374
00:15:46,601 --> 00:15:49,268
Howard, we've all seen
your mother naked.
375
00:15:51,572 --> 00:15:53,973
That woman needs to learn
how to tie a robe.
376
00:15:53,975 --> 00:15:57,543
I'm talking about when
my mom started seeing someone
377
00:15:57,545 --> 00:15:59,846
a couple years
after my dad left.
378
00:15:59,848 --> 00:16:02,682
I didn't know she did.
379
00:16:02,684 --> 00:16:06,252
Yeah, she was dating this guy,
380
00:16:06,254 --> 00:16:10,189
and I was kind of a jerk
to her about it.
381
00:16:10,191 --> 00:16:12,458
What did you do?
382
00:16:12,460 --> 00:16:14,527
Well, let's just say
it was the most vicious
383
00:16:14,529 --> 00:16:17,664
bar mitzvah speech in
the history of Temple Beth El.
384
00:16:18,632 --> 00:16:21,834
Anyway, she broke up with him.
385
00:16:21,836 --> 00:16:23,803
And she's basically
386
00:16:23,805 --> 00:16:26,039
been alone ever since.
387
00:16:27,174 --> 00:16:30,677
She never said it,
but I always felt
388
00:16:30,679 --> 00:16:33,880
I was the reason why.
389
00:16:33,882 --> 00:16:34,847
I'm sorry.
390
00:16:34,849 --> 00:16:36,315
Although,
based on your story,
391
00:16:36,317 --> 00:16:40,253
you absolutely
were the reason why.
392
00:16:41,188 --> 00:16:43,356
All I'm saying is
you might not want
393
00:16:43,358 --> 00:16:46,726
to get in the way
of your mom's happiness.
394
00:16:48,328 --> 00:16:50,563
You may have a point.
395
00:16:50,565 --> 00:16:53,399
I love my mother.
396
00:16:53,401 --> 00:16:57,537
Even if she fornicates
like a demonic weasel.
397
00:17:01,508 --> 00:17:04,510
And the healing begins.
398
00:17:08,882 --> 00:17:09,916
Hello.
399
00:17:09,918 --> 00:17:10,950
Hello.
400
00:17:10,952 --> 00:17:12,285
Are you ready to discuss
401
00:17:12,287 --> 00:17:14,020
this calmly, like adults?
402
00:17:14,022 --> 00:17:16,556
I am.
403
00:17:28,836 --> 00:17:32,038
Shelly, I'm sorry that
you saw what you saw.
404
00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:34,373
I know that this
is hard for you.
405
00:17:34,375 --> 00:17:36,709
I think what most upsets me
about it, Mother,
406
00:17:36,711 --> 00:17:38,478
is the hypocrisy.
407
00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:40,446
Doesn't this contradict
408
00:17:40,448 --> 00:17:43,649
all the religious rules you've
been espousing your whole life?
409
00:17:43,651 --> 00:17:45,151
You're right, it does,
and it's something
410
00:17:45,153 --> 00:17:47,453
that I'm struggling
with these days.
411
00:17:47,455 --> 00:17:49,155
Then why are you doing it?
412
00:17:49,157 --> 00:17:51,991
Because I'm not
perfect, Shelly.
413
00:17:51,993 --> 00:17:54,961
And that man's booty is.
414
00:18:00,033 --> 00:18:03,870
Well, this is confusing for me.
415
00:18:03,872 --> 00:18:06,372
But I don't want to stand
in the way of your happiness.
416
00:18:06,374 --> 00:18:08,341
So...
417
00:18:08,343 --> 00:18:11,010
I'll condemn you internally
while maintaining
418
00:18:11,012 --> 00:18:13,946
an outward appearance
of acceptance.
419
00:18:15,048 --> 00:18:18,518
That is very Christian of you.
420
00:18:20,788 --> 00:18:22,722
Mother, if you're going
to conduct your life
421
00:18:22,724 --> 00:18:25,124
in this fashion,
then I should let you know
422
00:18:25,126 --> 00:18:28,294
that the world has changed
since you were a young woman.
423
00:18:28,296 --> 00:18:29,662
You know,
it's not all sock hops,
424
00:18:29,664 --> 00:18:33,466
soda jerks
and segregation anymore.
425
00:18:33,468 --> 00:18:37,036
How old do you think I am?
426
00:18:37,038 --> 00:18:40,706
My point is that you're going
to need to be careful.
427
00:18:40,708 --> 00:18:42,041
You used to be protected
428
00:18:42,043 --> 00:18:44,811
by your pre-Enlightenment
mythology,
429
00:18:44,813 --> 00:18:47,513
but now you're going
to need a stronger friend
430
00:18:47,515 --> 00:18:50,550
named latex.
431
00:18:51,752 --> 00:18:55,755
Are you having the
sex talk with me?
432
00:18:55,757 --> 00:18:57,089
Well, someone has to.
433
00:18:57,091 --> 00:18:59,625
Oh, dear Lord!
Yeah, well...
434
00:18:59,627 --> 00:19:02,195
No, don't look to Him.
He's mad at you right now.
435
00:19:12,162 --> 00:19:13,763
Oh, come on, don't pout.
436
00:19:13,765 --> 00:19:15,465
I'm sorry I ruined your game.
437
00:19:15,467 --> 00:19:17,633
I'm not pouting, I'm brooding.
438
00:19:17,635 --> 00:19:20,837
Which is how sexy men pout.
439
00:19:22,406 --> 00:19:24,173
It actually was kind of fun.
440
00:19:24,175 --> 00:19:25,274
You're just saying that.
441
00:19:25,276 --> 00:19:27,410
Yeah.
442
00:19:30,014 --> 00:19:31,981
I liked the time travel element.
443
00:19:31,983 --> 00:19:34,183
Thank you.
I thought it was inspired.
444
00:19:34,185 --> 00:19:35,952
It was. By Terminator.
445
00:19:37,254 --> 00:19:38,654
Well, I hope 20 years from now,
446
00:19:38,656 --> 00:19:39,856
we really are all still together
447
00:19:39,858 --> 00:19:40,857
and still friends.
448
00:19:40,859 --> 00:19:42,291
Definitely.
Of course.
449
00:19:42,293 --> 00:19:43,626
Well, hey, how about this?
450
00:19:43,628 --> 00:19:46,129
Whether we're friends,
not friends,
451
00:19:46,131 --> 00:19:47,797
scattered around the world,
no matter what,
452
00:19:47,799 --> 00:19:49,932
let's all promise to meet
in front of this building
453
00:19:49,934 --> 00:19:52,235
exactly 20 years
from tonight at 8:00 p.m.
454
00:19:52,237 --> 00:19:53,903
and have dinner
like we always do.
455
00:19:53,905 --> 00:19:55,171
Aw! I love it.
456
00:19:55,173 --> 00:19:56,205
Okay?
457
00:19:56,207 --> 00:19:57,273
Putting it
in my phone right now.
458
00:19:57,275 --> 00:19:58,474
Yeah, me, too.
459
00:19:59,777 --> 00:20:02,078
My phone doesn't
have a calendar.
460
00:20:06,383 --> 00:20:08,618
It's all right, I'll just
write it on my hand.
461
00:20:10,854 --> 00:20:12,955
And it's done.
462
00:20:12,957 --> 00:20:14,290
Yup, we're all in.
463
00:20:14,292 --> 00:20:16,225
All right, I'll see you guys
in 20 years.
464
00:20:24,285 --> 00:20:25,986
I knew it.
465
00:20:25,988 --> 00:20:30,988
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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