All language subtitles for The Big Bang Theory - 7x16 - The Table Polarization.720p.WEB-DL.en

I'm thinking about
growing a goatee.

Oh, actually that's a Van Dyke. A
goatee is just hair on the chin.

Oh. Wait, then what is it if
you just have hair up here?

You mean a moustache?

- Moo-stache!
- He said it!

Ha-ha, very funny. Make
fun of the foreign guy.

For your information, there
are four times as many

Indians as there are Americans,
so the way we say it is right.

- Say what?
- Moo-stache.

- Moo-stache!
- He said "moo-stache".

Guys, you're
being childish.

Yeah, she's right.
You're grown men,

the kind who are perfectly capable
of growing your own moo-staches.

Hey, you were funny on
purpose-- good job.

Hi. Sorry I'm late-- I
was at an audition.

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- You'll get 'em next time.

How about instead of assuming I
failed, you ask me how it went?

- Sorry. How did it go?
- Just shut up.

- Here, you can have your seat.
- No, no, no, stay there.

I'm fine on the floor.

Have you guys ever thought about
getting a dining room table?

Yeah. You actually do have
room for one up there.

Oh, sure, I sit on the floor
for years, no one cares.

The pretty white girl's there ten seconds,
and suddenly we're all running to IKEA.

No one is
running anywhere.

We're not getting
a dining room table.

I know you don't like change,
but it's not a terrible idea.

Yeah, you guys never use that space
up there. Why not get a table?

Do you want the long answer
or the short answer?

Hey, how come we never
get that option?

Chaos theory suggests that
even in a deterministic system,

if the equations describing
its behavior are nonlinear,

a tiny change in the
initial conditions

can lead to a cataclysmic
and unpredictable result.

Translation?

Waah. I don't want a table!

♪ Our whole universe was
in a hot, dense state ♪

♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth began to cool

♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪

♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

♪ Bang! ♪

♪ The Big Bang Theory 7x16 ♪
The Table Polarization
Original Air Date on February 27, 2014

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther

Hey, Penny and I are gonna go
shop for a dining room table.

You want to come with us?

You know, I'd love to,

but, um, I'm too busy falling
back in love with Windows 98.

Seriously? You haven't
used this desk in years.

The second I want to get rid
of it, you're up here working?

I can't talk right now-- I have
several thousand updates to install.

Are you really gonna
sit here all day?

Think of me as Arthur Dent in
Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy,

lying in front of the
bulldozers to protect his home.

If you'll recall, the Vogon
fleet blew up the Earth anyway.

It's a made-up story, Leonard-- I don't
even know why you're talking about it.

I'm putting all this stuff in storage.
We don't need any of it.

You... How can
you say that?

You show me one thing in
here we can live without.

Oh, hang on.

Check your in-box.

Wait. Is this
really worth it?

We've lived together for
years with nary an argument.

Huh?

But we start talking about a table, and
suddenly we're at each other's throats.

"Nary an argument"?

"Nary"?!

Well, that means "not
one," or "not any".

Maybe instead of a table, you
should buy a dictionary.

Well, I don't know if I won
that, but at least he's upset.

Check it out.

Magic wand TV remote!

Yeah, I can control
all sorts of stuff.

Did Bernadette
think it was cool?

Not when I said "mute" and
pointed it at her face.

Oh, uh, let me try.

Uh...

channelis changeroni!

This might be my second
favorite brown magic wand.

Well, that's the last
time I play with that.

I have to take this.

Hello?

Uh...

off.

And on.

And the Oprah Network.

This is so much better than
watching TV like a muggle.

Okay. Thank you.
We'll be in touch.

You're not gonna
believe this.

What's going on?

Oh. Wait.

On!

And off!

What's going on?

That was NASA.

They want me to go back
up to the space station.

Wow. What did
you tell them?

I told them
I'd be honored.

A second trip to space--
I'll miss you.

And I'm gonna
miss you, too.

I just want you to know, I'm happy to
look in on Bernadette while you're gone.

- Thank you. - And if anything
were to happen to you,

we will name our
firstborn son Howard.

I'm just kidding. We'll name him
Dalib, after my grandfather.

Ooh, this one looks nice.

No. Sheldon doesn't like
reclaimed wood.

Why not?

He's afraid the original
owners will come back.

Yeah. Well, Sheldon's not here.

Well, he is here.

So unless you want to dig him out
with a bone saw and a melon baller,

there's nothing I
can do about it.

All right, sweetie, you're
paying for this table,

- and it's your apartment, too.
- I know, but...

No buts. You got to stop
letting him boss you around.

You're right. I mean, h-he
decides what TV shows we watch,

what food we eat, who
my favorite hobbit is--

I wanted Frodo, but we
can't both have Frodo,

so guess who's stuck
with Samwise Gamgee.

See? Right there.
You're a grown man,

you should be able to pick
whichever hobbit you want.

Wish you wouldn't, but
one problem at a time.

Y-You make a lot of sense.

I like this table,
and I'm getting it.

Really? This one?

That one?

Damn right I
like that one.

- Hey.
- Good news.

Someone in this room gets
to take a ride on a rocket.

Fine. Can I at least
shower first?

No, not that.

Although you already agreed
to it, so no take-backs.

- What are you talking about?
- Sit down.

NASA called.

The telescope mount I installed
on the space station got damaged,

and they want me to go
back up and fix it.

Wow.

Well, what did you say?

What do you think
I...? I said yes!

Why do you look surprised?

Well, it's just, after last time, I
didn't think you'd ever want to go back.

Are you kidding? It was the
greatest experience of my life.

Really? 'Cause I kind of remember a lot of
complaining and wishing for it to be over.

I think you have
me confused

with what's gonna happen when
you get out of that shower.

Hey, all set. What
do you think?

There's plenty of room for
everybody, a view out the window.

My spot on the couch has
a great view of a window.

Sometimes I can see
space battles through it.

It's called a TV.

Give it a chance, Sheldon;
You might actually like it.

You're absolutely right.

Nope.

Well, you can't say he
didn't give it a fair shot.

So, when can we
get rid of it?

We're not.

What about the
roommate agreement?

It specifically states that
any changes in furnishing

have to be approved by the
Furnishing Committee.

Which only sits on
alternate years.

Yeah, and by the way,
it sits over there.

Come on, that
is ridiculous.

She's right-- a committee that
important should meet more often.

That's not what I'm saying.

Oh. This is the thing about
me standing up to him

and not letting
him run my life?

Yes.

That.

Okay. I think we've
found the problem here.

It's not the table at all.

- It's you.
- Me?

Well, it's always me--
take one for the team.

I have spent years turning
this lump of clay

into an acceptable
conduit for my will,

and then you came along
and reshaped him,

with your newfangled ideas
and your fancy genitals.

Are you gonna let him
talk to me like this?

"Fancy" sounds
like a compliment.

Okay, I have not tried
to change Leonard.

That's just what happens
in relationships.

Look how much
Amy's changed you.

- That's not true.
- Oh, please.

When I first met you, you were incapable
of touching another human being.

Now you're holding hands,
you're going on dates,

you even made out
with her on a train.

She told you?!

Of course she told me-- it's
the most interesting thing

that's ever happened to
her in her entire life!

You're too close to it, but Amy
has had a huge impact on you.

You're right.

Without realizing it, I've allowed
that woman to alter my personality.

Mm, Sheldon, you didn't
have a personality;

You just had some
shows you liked.

No.

No, I've changed.

Like the frog who's put in a pot of
water that's heated so gradually

he doesn't realize
he's boiling to death.

Or you're the frog who's been kissed by
a princess and turned into a prince.

Or you're just a
tall, annoying frog.

Excuse me.

I have to break up
with my girlfriend.

- Oh, Sheldon, wait.
- No.

You've opened my
eyes to the truth.

Amy has made me a more
affectionate, open-minded person.

And that stops now.

- Well, we should call her.
- Yeah, mm-hmm.

Amy, it's Penny. Hey.
Just a little heads-up.

Leonard bought a
dining room table.

Yeah. Sheldon's
breaking up with you.

Amy? Amy?

Amy?

I'll get right
to the point.

I think we need to end
this relationship-- so...

just sign this with
your finger, and, uh,

please don't cry on my iPad--
I didn't get AppleCare.

I'm not surprised you want
to end the relationship.

I'm a little surprised you
didn't get AppleCare.

Anyway, enjoy your life.
Where do I sign?

At the bottom.

I must say, I'm relieved you're not
making more of a scene out of this.

Oh, I've already moved on.

Besides, this breakup has
nothing to do with me.

Wh... It doesn't?

Of course not.

This is just Leonard trying to take
the focus off that dreadful table

by sowing discord
in our relationship.

He's manipulating you
like he always does.

Wait-wait, now, hang on.

You think he manipulates me?

All the time.

And he knew that, as your
girlfriend, I wasn't gonna stand by

and let him bring a table
into your apartment.

I mean, a table? Come on!

It is hideous.

Well, thankfully, I won't have to see it,
'cause I won't be your girlfriend anymore.

Amy Farrah Fowler.

Why, yes, I would
like to take a survey.

Wait.

You were really gonna stand by me
against the dining room table?

Of course I was.

Yeah, wait.

How do I know that you're not
manipulating me right now?

I think if I were manipulating you,
you'd be smart enough to see it.

How do I know you're not saying
that as part of the manipulation?

I think you'd be smart
enough to see that, too.

Okay.

I'm sorry I gave you such a hard
time-- I just had to be sure.

It's pretty exciting that NASA
wants to send Howard back up.

Yeah, exciting.

- Can I ask you something?
- Course.

He hated that
entire experience.

Does it make me an awful wife if I
don't think he should do it again?

Not at all.

He's forgotten how miserable he was
the entire time he was up there.

It's like me in those
moments when I miss India.

- So you'll talk to him?
- Why me?

Well, I'm his wife; I don't
want to ruin it for him.

That's the dynamic-- I'm the
fun one, you're the buzzkill.

Since when am I
the buzzkill?

Do you think this is cool?

- No, I think it's stupid.
- Aha!

You're right, it's great.

- Hello.
- Oh, hey.

- You guys didn't break up.
- No. Sorry to disappoint you,

but Amy pointed out that you we
only trying to manipulate me.

Which you also figured
out by yourself.

Which I also figured
out by myself.

Well, I'm glad
you're still together.

Yeah, okay, you can stop trying to
make this about our relationship.

- Which is stronger than ever.
- Which is stronger than ever.

This is about you trying
to change my environment,

which was perfect
the way it was.

But it got the way it
was through change.

The-the spot that
you love to sit in,

that no one else can sit in,
only exists because--

despite your objections--
I bought this couch.

Me. So explain why that change was
bad and this change was good.

Um...

You don't need to explain
yourself to him.

I don't need to explain
myself to you!

You're sick of his nonsense
and ready to move in with me.

Keep the table! We
don't use that space!

Damn it, I got cocky.

Hey, Bernie.
I'm home... Hello.

Hi, honey.

What's going on?

Maybe you should
have a seat.

Um... okay.

I know my mom's not dead;
There'd be balloons.

Um... okay. First off,

know that we all love
you and cherish you.

- Well, I wouldn't...
- Daddy.

You're great.

- Can I say something?
- Oh, of course.

Hey, Fruit Loops.

Massimino?
Why are you here?

Well, I heard you were thinking about
going back up to the space station,

and as someone who's
been there with you...

well, you know how astronauts
need to have the "right stuff"?

Sure.

The stuff you have is wrong.

You don't think I did
a good job up there?

You did a fine job.

It's just, you were scared and
miserable the whole time.

I think what we're all trying
to say is, you don't seem

to be remembering how traumatic
the experience was for you.

Like how women often forget
the pain of childbirth.

Like a woman.
Great analogy.

- Fine, maybe I was a little scared.
- You peed in your space suit.

You're supposed to do that.

Not during the fitting.

Son, do I need to remind you
what you asked me to do

before you went
up last time?

Hang on. That was
just me joking around.

You wanted me to shoot
you in the foot.

Come on, how is that not a joke?
"You got to get me out of this.

Shoot me in the foot."

Don't forget all the other
astronauts picking on you.

And how you threw up in zero gravity,
and it floated back in your mouth.

And you threw up again.

And so on and so on.

That was funny.

Okay, so I wasn't exactly
John Glenn up there,

but I've changed;
I'm a different man now.

Yeah, and I'm a little insulted that
you guys don't think I can handle it.

You know you're gonna have to go
through survival training again.

Really?

You've got to get
me out of this!

What do you want me to do?
You're perfectly healthy.

Check my blood
pressure again!

I can get it higher;
Just give me a second.

- Hello?
- Hi, Ma. How are you?

How I am is not dead!

But you wouldn't know that,
because you don't love me enough

to pick up the phone!

Go, go, go!

For all you know, I could have
slipped in the tub and drowned!

That's what happened
to your Aunt Ida!

Wow.

Howard, I'm so sorry your blood
pressure was off the charts.

Oh, me, too. I mean, the doctor was
willing to fudge the results, but...

it just seemed so
darned dishonest.

But the mission wouldn't
be for at least a year.

Isn't that enough time to get
your blood pressure under...

Look, my blood pressure's
too high, okay? Drop it.

You know, my aunt changed her
diet, and in a few months, she...

Went to space? I don't think so.
Now, pass the soy sauce.

Hey, not the green one;
The red one.

Sheldon, Amy, will you
please come join us?

Yeah, it's fun up here.

So why are you
trying to ruin it?

No, thanks. We're fine.

I mean, if you people want to eat at the
table, then that's what you should do.

I like eating down here because this
is how we've always done things.

But if those days are
gone, they're gone.

It just... makes me sad.

Now I feel bad.

Oh, don't anthropomorphize
him; He's got big eyes,

but his feelings
are not like ours.

No, it just seems silly for
us to sit in two groups.

Well, it's not silly if you think of that
group as being led by a big, evil baby.

Look at Amy down there.

Should we go?

- Yeah, let's go.
- But... Penny, this was your idea.

You said that I should
stand up to him.

Forget it, Leonard.
It's over.

Fine.

Rajesh?

Screw that! I sat on the floor for
seven years. I'm staying right here!

Come on, Raj, it's not
the same without you.

Fine.

But no more making fun
of how I say tings.

You mean "tings"
like "moo-stache"?

Well, isn't this nice.

Sometimes the baby wins.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther