All language subtitles for The Big Bang Theory - 7x11 - The Cooper Extraction.720p.WEB-DL.en

Advantage left-side competitor.

Wow, you're really
good at this.

Well, I have an extremely
low center of gravity.

I'm like a pyramid.

- How you doing over there?
- Oh, I hope it's just a sprain.

I cannot walk into that E.R.
with another video game injury.

Hey, Sheldon, you
want to play next?

Oh, I would, but
I'm on my way out.

- Where?
- Texas.

Right now? Why?

- Is someone sick?
- Yes.

My sister's uterus
came down with a baby.

Oh, she's pregnant?
That's great.

You're gone an uncle--
Uncle Sheldon.

No, I will be Uncle Dr. Cooper.

How come you never said
she was pregnant?

Well, I never told you about
my brother's kidney stone.

You want to hear about everything that
comes out of my family's genitals?

Well, congrats, and it's nice you're
gonna be there for your sister.

Yes. I'm filling in for her
husband who's recovering

from a horrible
motorcycle accident.

Lucky duck.

Wow, so, how long
will you be gone?

Well, she's due tomorrow.

Although it did take her six years
to finish high school, so who knows?

Can I give you a
ride to the airport?

Oh, no, thank you, I don't
want to be an inconvenience.

Chop-chop, Leonard. We
leave in ten minutes.

♪ Our whole universe was
in a hot, dense state ♪

♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth began to cool

♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪

♪ Math, Science, History,
unveiling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

♪ Bang! ♪

♪ The Big Bang Theory 7x11 ♪
The Cooper Extraction
Original Air Date on December 12, 2013

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther

All right, here's the deal.

Sheldon is gone, so the tree
decorating rules are out the window.

Yeah, which means we don't have to use his
ridiculous ornament-spacing template.

And I'm happy to report its kickstarter
campaign is holding strong at zero dollars.

Ah.

Wait, so Star Wars and Star Trek
characters can go on the same branch?

I know, it's crazy. Welcome
to the Thunderdome, people!

I've never done this before.
It's kind of fun.

Yeah, if your mom could see her
little Bar Mitzvah boy right now,

- she'd have a heart attack.
- Good idea, I'll take a picture.

Honey, I'm a little strapped
for cash this year,

so for Christmas I was
thinking of giving you...

this.

- I love it.
- Okay.

But it is what you
got me last year.

- Yeah.
- And last night.

- Hello.
- Hi, Stuart.

Oh, good, I'm glad you guys
didn't wait for me to start.

Although you said 7:00 and
it's-it's 7:00, but that's fine.

Oh, it's probably Sheldon.

Hi, Sheldon. Everybody's
here, say hi.

- Hi. - Hey.
- Hey, buddy.

- Howdy.
- Hi.

Hello.

The second I go out of town you
throw a Christmas party without me?

Yeah, kind of.

That's so thoughtful.
You guys are the best.

Hey, how's your sister?

She went into labor an hour ago.

That's wonderful.
So you're at the hospital?

No, she chose to
have a home birth...

because she wants to live in the Stone
Age and a cave wasn't available.

You know, many people believe
that home births are better

because the mother is in a
warm, comfortable environment

where she can be
nurtured by loved ones.

And turn the bedroom floor into
an amniotic Slip 'n Slide.

Shelly, come on!

Your sister's fully dilated and
she wants a nice family picture

before there's blood everywhere!

Oh, boy.

I picked the wrong day to
wear my good robot T-shirt.

If you were having Sheldon's baby would
you really want him in the room?

Yeah, if he's in the room
when they're making the baby,

I'll give you ten dollars.

Hey, I brought over It's a Wonderful
Life if you guys want to watch it later.

- Oh, I love that movie.
- I've never seen it.

- Me neither.
- It's great.

It's Christmastime and Jimmy
Stewart's really depressed

and he's gonna jump off a
bridge and kill himself...

Don't need to see it. Living it.

But then he gets to see what the world
would be like if he'd never been born.

Hey, you ever imagine what that
would be like? Not being born?

What do you think?

What do you think?

What do you think?

You make jokes about Sheldon,
but if it weren't for him,

I don't think any of us would be
sitting in this room right now.

Really? Sheldon not being here is
the main reason I'm in this room.

It's true.

None of you would know me.

You wouldn't know Bernadette.

- You wouldn't be dating Penny.
- You don't know that.

I've been going to the Cheesecake Factory
for years. I could have picked her up.

Oh, you weren't joking.

No.

Okay, sweetie, let me tell you exactly
how that would have gone down.

I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna ask her out.

I'm gonna squirt chocolate
milk out of my nipples.

Sorry, I thought we're saying
things that are never gonna happen.

Maybe this time
he's going to do it.

Hope you're thirsty,
here it comes.

Watch me.

Hey, you guys ready to order
or you need a few minutes?

- I, uh, ah, um, I...
- A few minutes it is.

You didn't ask her out, but
that was a lot of sounds.

- You guys are making me nervous.
- Fine, then go talk to her on your own.

I will.

- Excuse me.
- Yeah?

Hi, uh, um, I'm Leonard?

Really? You don't sound so sure.

No, I am he.

Uh, any-anyway, um,

there's been something I've wanted
to ask you for a long time. Um...

- What's that?
- Eh, uh, well,

I was wondering--
if you're not too busy--

um, uh, if, if you'd
be interested in...

...telling me where
the restroom is?

I think you're too late.

Come on, I would not
have peed my pants.

- She nailed it.
- Sounds about right.

But, you forget, I did
ask you out in real life.

Which couldn't have happened if you
didn't live across the hall from her,

which couldn't have
happened without Sheldon.

Same goes with you guys. If
Leonard wasn't with Penny,

she never would have set you up.

Doesn't matter. Bernadette still would've
been working at The Cheesecake Factory,

and I still would've been
working this beefcake factory.

- You would've been all over me.
- Well...

- Hey, Penny, can I take that table?
- Sure, why?

The one in the
turtleneck is cute.

Open wide, here comes
the happy train.

Mm-hmm, chug-a
chug-a, yum, yum.

Oh.

Hang on.

You got a... you got
a little something.

Never mind.

Oh, man, that is so us.

You know, maybe you and
I wouldn't be together,

but you wouldn't have
done so great yourself.

- Why? - Because I know exactly the kind
of guy you would've ended up with.

Hey, babe.

Hey. Did you remember
to pay the rent?

Better. I used the money
to buy these magic beans.

Hey, he may be an idiot, but at
least he didn't pee himself.

Oh, hold on.

Aw, babe, I peed myself.

Me, too.

The end.

Hi, Sheldon. Everything okay?

No, it's not.

I've seen things.

Lady things.

Listen to me.

That is not the way
they usually look.

Doesn't matter.

This is no way to
make new humans.

People coming out of people.

It's some kind
of dirty magic show.

Sheldon Lee Cooper. You get
back in this room right now.

And bring a mop.

Did you hear that?

A mop.

I have two PhDs yet somehow I'm the
janitor of my sister's birth canal.

Hey, Sheldon sent
us all an e-mail.

- "Happy holidays from Texas."
- Aw.

And there's pictures.

Aah! Don't open them.
Do not open them.

Oh, come on. Childbirth is
a natural, beautiful...

Oh, it's like someone
sawed a cow in half.

My father's a gynecologist,
I think I can handle it.

And, now, I'm gay.

You know, I was thinking. Without
Sheldon, most of us would have never met,

but Penny would still
live across from him.

And with Leonard out
of the picture,

we all know what
that would mean.

We do?

- Hey, Sheldon.
- Hello.

Doing laundry?

Of course I'm doing laundry.

Saturday night is laundry night,
and I'm in a laundry room, so...

I believe your inference
is justified.

Oh, my inference is justified.

Sheldon, you are so funny.

Anyway, I need to
do my laundry, too,

because these clothes
are so dirty.

Almost as dirty as the dirty
girl who's wearing them.

Okay, that's enough.

- Disagree.
- Keep going. - More.

So, what do you think?

A tad asymmetrical, but nothing
to be concerned about.

Please, Sheldon. I need you.

To... what?

To take me.

I'm not taking you anywhere
till you put on a shirt.

Come on, Sheldon.
You and me right here.

Penny, for the thousandth time,

I'm saving myself
for someone special.

Perhaps a cute bespectacled neuroscientist
with hair the color of mud.

I think I know how
to change your mind.

- That's enough.
- Ew...

I was okay with it.

How's it going, Sheldon?

Actually, much better.

Oh, good. Is the baby born yet?

I don't know. I just got back.

Where'd you go?

My mother asked me
to get some towels.

I took advantage of the vague request
and went to Bed, Bath & Beyond.

Excuse me! I'm on the phone!

So rude.

Here's another one. Penny,
if it weren't for Sheldon,

you never would have met
comic book legend Stan Lee.

Great.

At least Leonard, Howard and I
would have always been friends.

Hey, how come you three never
got an apartment together?

We talked about it, but Howard was in a
pretty serious relationship with his mom.

I lived with her to save money.

Yeah, you didn't have to buy groceries
'cause you were breast-feeding.

Aw, so I guess if it weren't for me,
you'd still be living with her, huh?

Not exactly.

What do you mean, "not exactly"?

Well, things would be
a little different.

Howard, where's my lunch?!
I'm starving!

I know you're starving. The
neighbors know you're starving.

There's starving people in
Africa who know you're starving!

That's it?! There's
not enough food!

Well, you cleaned out Earth!
I don't know what else to do!

How is this any different?

You didn't let me finish.

Here you go, Mother.

You're a good boy, Howard!

Such a good boy!

Wait-- did she die
or did you kill her?

Eh, tomato, tomahto. The
important thing is she's dead.

Hey, so how come you two
didn't move in together?

This guy wanted a
place of his own

because he was sure he was
gonna be a ladies' man.

Yeah, I was wrong.

But I do think you and I
would have had a great time.

Come on, Leonard, dinner.

Coming.

Hang on.

Why would I be fat?

You'd have no girlfriend
to see you naked,

you'd try to fill
the void with food,

and I'm an enabler who
once deep-fried a pancake.

Why can't you be fat, too?

What do you want
to do for dessert?

I think there's still half
a cake from breakfast.

No, there's not.

Hey, guys.

- Stuart.
- Stuart.

What are you doing?

I...

just wanted to be
in anyone's story.

Yeah, but why are you fat?

'Cause Leonard was fat.

Amy, what about you?

What do you think you'd be doing
if you never met Sheldon?

It's hard to say,

my life would be so...
different.

You can say "better."
Sheldon can't hear you.

I don't know.

♪ Happy birthday to me

♪ Happy birthday to me ♪

♪ There's tears
in the frosting ♪

♪ Happy birthday to me.

I'll stop now.

How's it going, Sheldon?

That's it. The baby's here.

It's a boy.

- Congrats.
- Aw. - Yay.

Oh, thank you.

I wasn't sure I was
gonna to make it.

But my mother gave
me some ice chips,

my sister told me to breathe.

And I just thought
to myself, "Sheldon,

"if you can make it through
the Green Lantern movie,

you can make it through this."

Well, good for you, buddy. We'll
let you get back in there.

Oh no, no, I'm not going back in there.
That baby is so irritating.

He has literally been
crying his entire life.

Aw, he's already taking
after Uncle Shelly.

Come on, Sheldon, you should go.

Why?

Well, you always complain that you never
had an intelligent role model growing up,

and now you can be
one for your nephew.

Ugh, all right, I'll go.

But from what I've seen, his attention
span is as limited as his bladder control.

You actually got him to do it.

Yeah, you keep saying how much
Sheldon has affected all of us, but

you've clearly had
an impact on him.

If that were true, I wouldn't
still be living alone.

Well, not exactly alone. I do
have a 50 pound sack of rice

with one of Sheldon's
T-shirts on it.

I'm telling you, Sheldon cares
for you more than you think.

I wish I could believe you.

I also wish there wasn't a
mouse living in Rice Sheldon.

Hang on, I'm gonna give you a
little early Christmas present.

I'm gonna show you something,

but if you ever told Sheldon he'd
probably never speak to me again.

So, if you want to
tell him, that's fine.

Look.

I don't understand.

He made you his screensaver.

Oh.

Wow.

I had no idea.

He is so into me.

Wait, wait, where'd I go?

Oh, well, it's you, Swamp Thing,
Stephen Hawking, Spider-Man...

but, look, you're in the mix.

I am in the mix. And
I'm the hottest one.

Who's that?

- Oh, Madame Curie.
- That's fine, she's dead.

You okay?

Just really glad you're back.

Me, too.

I got a lot of TV
to catch up on.

I missed you.

To quote Han Solo, "I know""

Did you miss me?

I would've preferred to
have you there with me.

Oh.

Or instead of me.

- Did you hold the baby?
- I did.

And?

How did it make you feel?

Looking into the
blank, innocent eyes

of a creature that couldn't begin to
comprehend anything I was saying?

Basically just another
day at the office.

I'm gonna do it. I'm
gonna ask her out.

Yeah, and chocolate milk is
gonna squirt out of my nipples.

Put up or shut up. You
make it, I'll drink it.

You guys need anything else?

Uh, your phone number and
one more cheesecake.

I'm sorry, I have a boyfriend.

In fact, there he is now.

- Ready to go, sweetheart?
- Not until I get my kiss.

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther