All language subtitles for The Big Bang Theory - 7x05 - The Workplace Proximity.720p.WEB-DL.en

Awkward silence.
Sheldon on his phone.

No touching. Somebody's
having date night.

It's actually steamier
than it looks.

Sheldon's looking up the phallic
symbolism of root vegetables

in Renaissance paintings.

Oh, no, I got bored with that.

I'm just browsing cuticle
scissors on Amazon.

How do you not tear off his clothes and
take him right here on this table?

If you do that, I'll scream.

Sheldon, I have some
exciting news to tell you.

That makes two of us.

My new cuticle scissors will be
here in one to two business days.

Come on, one.

I've been invited to
consult on an experiment

at your university
for a few months.

Isn't that great? We could
have lunch together.

We could carpool.

You know, riding with Leonard has
gotten a little tedious lately.

Th-The only car game he ever
wants to play is the Quiet Game.

And he's terrible at it.
I always win.

- So, you're okay with this?
- Well, why wouldn't I be?

Well, this project would have us working
in close proximity to one another.

And there's the vulgar adage that one
should not defecate where one eats.

My father used to say
that all the time.

That and, um, "Who does one have to orally
gratify to get a drink around here?"

But what does that have to do with
you working at the university?

Sheldon, "Don't defecate
where you eat,"

means don't have a romantic
relationship in the workplace.

Really?

Yes.

Huh. Yeah, I always
took it literally.

That's why I have never once moved
my bowels in this or any restaurant.

Hmm.

I'm relieved that you don't have a
problem with us working together.

Not as relieved as
I'm about to be.

It's a brave new
world, little lady.

♪ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state ♪

♪ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth began to cool

♪ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall
♪ We built the pyramids ♪

♪ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started
with a big bang ♪

♪ Bang! ♪

♪ The Big Bang Theory 7x05 ♪
The Workplace Proximity
Original Air Date on October 17, 2013

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther

Are you crazy? You don't want
your girlfriend at work with you.

Hell Clam.

Why not?

Hairy Fairy.

I think it could be romantic. You know,
my parents met at his place of work.

Your father's a gynecologist.

I know. What started as a pap
smear turned into a date.

Which turned into her working
there, which turned into marriage,

which then turned into hatred,
which continues to this day.

Two-Eyed Cyclops.

Would you please tell him
this isn't a good idea?

No, no, I think it'll be great.

Maybe next time he gets
conjunctivitis at work,

she can hold his head and try
to put the drops in his eyes.

Giant baby.

That's a Raging Ogre.

Yeah, I know.

I'm just saying, I'd never want
to work with Bernadette.

Can you imagine seeing
someone all day long

and then you're supposed to hang
out with them after work, too?

Hold on. We do
that all the time.

You and I work together
and play together.

Yeah, I know, and it drove me
into the arms of another woman.

Bipolar Bear.

Well, I appreciate your concern,

but I won't be seeing any more
of Amy than I already do.

I assume we'll deduct any
extra time we spend together

at work from our weekly quota.

Please let me be there
when you tell her that.

Why? So you can see the look on Amy's
face when she hears my top-notch idea?

Please, oh, please,
just let me be there.

So, Amy, what are you gonna
be working on at Caltech?

I'm leading a study to see if deficiency
of the monoamine oxidase enzyme

leads to paralyzing
fear in monkeys.

Oh. If they're anything like
humans, the answer's yes.

Wait, you've-you've done
this experiment on humans?

You mean like death row
inmates with nothing to lose?

No, that would be unethical.

You know, not a lot of people know
this, but the monoamine oxidase enzyme

was discovered by a
woman, Mary Bernheim.

That's right. My phone is
just as smart as you guys.

Amy, Bernadette, Penny.

Amy, Bernadette, Penny.

Amy, Bernadette, Penny.

He's never gonna
stop doing that, is he?

I don't mind.

I'm hoping to put his love of
repetition to good use someday.

Hi. Um...

I've reconsidered. Uh, you
can't work where I work.

Enjoy the rest of your evening.

Sheldon.

I-I already signed the contract.
I cashed a check.

Mmm...

you are not going to come
out of this looking good.

Sheldon, I don't understand. I thought
you said you were fine with it.

Well, I was.

But that was before
Howard explained to me

how awful it would be if he had to
work with his significant other.

He said what?

Now, don't be insulted.

He just thinks too much of you
would be mind-numbingly tedious.

Excuse me, I need to have
a chat with my husband.

Yeah, well, now, well...
keep it short.

Fr-From what I gather,
brevity is your friend.

So, are we good here?

No, we're not good here. I
am working on this project.

Yeah, and you can't tell her
what she can and cannot do.

Last week, you told Leonard he couldn't
wear his Wookiee jacket out in public.

That's different.

I'm not going to the mall with
someone dressed dumb space bear.

Sheldon, you don't have to worry
about me bothering you.

I'll be in a different building. And we
don't even have to have lunch together.

- Really?
- Yes.

Before all things,
I'm a scientist.

I'm just there to do my work
and, with a little luck,

scare the living crap
out of some monkeys.

Hmm.

You sure your mothlike personality won't be
drawn to this blazing fire that is myself?

More and more sure.

Well, then, you
have my permission.

- I didn't ask for your permission.
- Too late. No backsies.

No, no, listen to me.
Sheldon misunderstood.

What I meant was, if
we worked together,

there'd be too much of me for
you, not the other way around.

Howard, if you're going
to lie to your wife,

don't start the sentence with
"Sheldon misunderstood."

That's a dead giveaway.

- Well?
- Okay, fine.

I did say that, and
I think it's true.

I think if we worked together and lived
together, we'd get sick of each other.

Yeah, but to be fair, he only said the
part about him getting sick of you.

For the love of God, why?!

What exactly do you
think you'd get sick of?

His only options here are to fake a
heart attack or have a real one.

It-it's nothing
in particular. I...

Is it my voice? Am I too bossy?

What...?

My arm is feeling numb.

Nailed it.

That's the wrong arm for
a heart attack, doofus.

My point is, I'm sure
there are things about me

that would drive you crazy if you
had to deal with them all day long.

Like looking me in the
eye and lying to me?

Oh, well, come on, I just...

Where am I supposed to
look when I lie to you?

- Find somewhere else to sleep tonight.
- Oh, Bernie...

If it makes you feel any
better, Amy and I are fine.

I mean, really good.

So, boys, how was
the pajama party?

You guys jump on the bed and
sing into hair brushes?

It wasn't a pajama party. It was just a
couple of bros hanging out, giggling,

eating cookie dough and
watching Princess Bride.

Please, stop talking.

As you wish.

I mean, you know, Sheldon,
none of this would've happened

if I hadn't tried to help you.

Uh, it also wouldn't have happened
if, in the early universe,

hydrogen was a little more
common or a little less common.

This is fun. Your turn.

- Gentlemen.
- Hey, Amy.

Hello.

That was kind of icy.

You two okay?

Oh, we're fine.

As Howard advised, she's merely
respecting our professional boundaries.

Smart.

Take relationship advice from a man who
spent last night braiding Raj's hair.

Yeah, you make a good point.

It would appear I was
worried for nothing.

Look at her, desperately wishing she
was over here at the cool table.

Don't worry, little moth.
The flame will come to you.

Oh, uh... on the off chance that
Bernadette doesn't call back

and apologize, how do you feel about
Mexican food for dinner tonight?

I-I don't know.
Sounds kind of heavy.

That's 'cause you always
fill up on chips.

And this is Dr. Gunderson
from Stockholm.

Ah, Sweden.

Yeah, home of my favorite Muppet
and, uh, second favorite meatball.

Okay, the Nordic reputation for
lack of humor is well-founded.

Boy, is his name Gunderson
or No-Funderson?

Where are we going
with this, Dr. Cooper?

Oh, please, I'm your boyfriend.
You call me Sheldon.

That's right,
I am in a boy-girl relationship

with this cute
little lump of wool.

- Sheldon...
- It's a physical relationship, too.

Hand-holding, hugging...
even on hot days.

Ow.

Okay, here's a new one.
Apparently now we kick each other

in the shin under the table.

How do you like it
when I do it to you?

Not so much, huh?

Test subject D7,

aka Betsy, fear response study.

Image number one: Frenchman on
bicycle carrying baguettes.

No visible reaction.

Image number two: sousaphone.

Still no reaction.

Okay.

Let's kick things up a notch.

Image number three: crocodile
with a mouthful of monkeys.

Okay, now we're talking.

Dr. Fowler?

What do you want, Sheldon?

Well, I'm done with work, so...

Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Sorry. Uh...

- Better?
- Oh, baguettes.

Yes, I like baguettes.

What exactly are you doing?

Determining baseline fear levels
in capuchin monkeys

by measuring their response
to visual stimuli.

So, goofing off.

As I was saying, I'm done
with work and Leonard's not.

So good news, you get
to take me home.

Play your cards right,
I'll let you drive me

past the lot where the
buses park at night.

I can't leave now, Sheldon.
I'm very busy.

Besides, why would I
want to do you a favor

after the way you treated
me in the cafeteria?

Image number four:
boa constrictor.

What on earth
are you talking about?

My behavior in the
cafeteria was delightful.

Maybe your friend
Gunderson needs

to head over to IKEA and
assemble a sense of humor.

You embarrassed me in front of my
colleagues on my first day here.

Image number five:
kitten in a teacup.

Oh.

- Oh... embarrassed you?
- You know what?

I don't have time for this.
Find another way home.

I'm starting to get the sense
that you're angry with me.

- Really? What tipped you off?
- Couple things, actually.

Your tone of voice,
your body language...

- Get out.
- Well, now, that.

Image number six:
woman giving birth.

It's 9:00. Where you been?

Oh, I had to take the bus home.

Fell asleep and missed my stop.

Oh, no.

Did you know that Los Angeles
has a Little Sri Lanka?

- I did not.
- Well, I do... now.

They're a lovely people.

Although terrifying when you
wake up face-to-face with them.

If you're hungry, I brought home
some mutton and coconut milk.

Why'd you get that?
You hate lamb.

I was asking for directions.

Apparently, there was
a communication problem.

I thought Amy was gonna
drive you home.

Yeah, I thought so, too, but
she's acting very strangely.

I was discussing it with a Sri
Lankan fellow on the bus,

and he hypothesized that a tiger may
have recently run across her shadow.

Although he may have just been
trying to drum up business

for his brother-in-law's
witch doctor practice.

Okay, Sheldon, what happened
between you and Amy?

Well, can you believe she
said I embarrassed her?

Yeah.

But you didn't
even hear the details.

Sheldon...

I've known you a long time,

and I'm going to tell you this with
all the love I can possibly muster.

Amy's right. You're wrong.

- But you don't even know...
- Doesn't matter.

- But, now, but in my defense...
- Doesn't matter.

You're not listening
to my side of it.

Okay, fine, Sheldon.
What is your side?

- Well...
- Nope, got to go with Amy on this one.

Shrimp was spicy.

- You want a TUMS?
- You got the tropical fruit kind?

No, if I buy those, I just
go through them like candy.

Tell me about it. One time, I swear
I pooped out a stick of chalk.

- I'll get it.
- Thanks.

- Hi.
- Oh, hi.

I may have overreacted.

Yeah, well, I didn't handle
it so great, either.

It's just sometimes I feel
like you enjoy spending time

with your friends
more than with me.

- That's not true.
- It's not?

You spend all day
together at work,

and then you all hang out
at night playing games,

going to the comic book store.

Last week, you two got
a couples massage.

So, when you said you wouldn't want
to spend that much time with me,

it really hurt my feelings.

Oh, wow. Yeah, no, I get that.
I'm so sorry.

Starting tomorrow, I am
turning over a new leaf.

Time with you is my
number one priority.

Why tomorrow?

Well, we're real close to finishing
off the new Batman game.

It is awesome.

Uh, you should probably
go after her.

- Should I go after you?
- No!

Thanks for getting
me in trouble.

Amy.

Amy.

Amy.

Sheldon, what are you
doing here so late?

I couldn't sleep because I kept thinking
about what happened earlier between us.

Also, I had one
heck of a bus nap.

Oh, speaking of which, do you want
some mutton and coconut milk?

No.

Well, I cannot give
this stuff away.

What do you want?

Amy, this isn't easy to say.

All relationships are difficult,

but even more so when you're in
one with a person who struggles

with everyday
social interactions.

And frankly...

who can strike some people
as being kind of a weirdo.

Sheldon...

you're not a weirdo.

I wasn't speaking about me.

I mean, honestly, there's no
telling what will set you off.

You know, introducing
myself as your boyfriend.

Giving you the opportunity
to drive me home.

Breaking the ice with your colleagues using
ethnic humor, the funniest kind of humor.

What's your point?

My point is, we're a couple.

And...

I like you for who you are.

Quirks and all.

- I like you, too.
- Well, I should hope so.

I don't see anyone else banging on this
door to put up with your nonsense.

Not even a good-bye?

You see, that's the kind of thing
that makes people think you're weird.

Poor kid.

She just doesn't see it.

I'm not apologizing to Howard.
He can come beg me on his knees.

Sheldon, too. If I see him at work,
I'm just going to ignore him.

All right, don't worry.
I talked to Leonard.

He is gonna sit the guys
down and set them straight.

Laser's warmed up.

Pull!

== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther