Original subtitles

The first rule of Fight Club is,

there are no rules.

Whether seizing a chance to breed

or defending your genetic line,

you've gotta fight for your right to party.

Because in nature, even love is a battlefield.

The creatures of Earth are wilder than you

could possibly imagine.

Among the fast and fearsome are the astoundingly crazy.

With strange behavior and outrageous fashion sense.

They're all in a competition to survive.

And weirdness always wins.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

The unassuming ant.

Social and highly coordinated.

They also happen to be lethal.

So the creatures that cross their path

need a fighting edge to level the playing field.

Enter the bombardier beetle.

Toxic avenger extraordinaire.

Found on almost every continent on Earth,

bombardiers thrive because they are masters of self-defense.

Foraging for small insects, this bombardier stumbles upon

a forward patrol of ants.

And these ants don't take lightly to intruding beetles.

Communicating via chemical pheromones,

the ant patrol contacts base.

Sending reinforcements.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

A single beetle is child's play.

The bombardier's fate is almost sealed.

♪ ♪

But this isn't his first rodeo.

♪ ♪

The beetle sprays a boiling caustic chemical

from its rear end.

A toxic cocktail of hydrogen peroxide and hydroquinone

at a scalding 212 degrees Fahrenheit.

Like a machine gun.

The chemical sprays in rapid pulses,

blanching the ants instantly.

Danger averted.

This young seal is totally spent.

After months at sea, swimming thousands of

miles in search of food.

She is about to finish her foraging migration.

From December to March every year,

this quiet stretch of Californian coastline

hosts a huge seal colony.

Right now, young males throughout the colony

are succumbing to their hormones.

Turning the beach into a crucible of warring titans.

Introducing the beach master.

With a harem of 50 or so females,

most of these kids are his.

But if challenged, big daddy can become a big baddie.

Three weeks after giving birth, moms come into heat again.

Females want the genes of a well-billed hefty male.

With the beach master indisposed,

a low-ranked male sneaks in and tries to mate

with one of his harem.

But she protests loud enough for the beach master to hear.

The bull sees red.

It's on for young and old.

Rising eight feet tall, they strike hard.

Long canines slash at tough hides.

But the warrior's thick blubber works as natural armor.

This contender knuckles under.

But other challengers have arrived.

In the breeding season's peak,

competition for mating rights boils over.

The alpha bull's ability to fight all comers

secures his turf and his harem.

The boundaries have been set.

The beach master won't have to fight

these pretenders again this year.

The alpha bull will recover from his wounds quickly.

His battle scarring calcifying into protective

armor for next year.

For the beach master, the spoils of war are the

privileges of fatherhood.

The life and times of one of the Northern Hemisphere's

most adventurous seagulls is epic.

Winters are spent running with the gannets

and riding wild bow waves of North Sea trawlers.

But as spring returns to the subarctic,

high windswept coastlines make for monumental breeding roosts.

Where contests for nesting rights

put these gulls in an anger management class of their own.

Hunting in frigid waters far out at sea,

kittiwakes undertake a 30 mile voyage,

returning to the very same breeding colony year after year.

Bonded males arrive first, using olfactory clues to zero in

on lingering orders of their mate

to find last year's nesting site before she arrives.

But space isn't a premium

and the younger single males hope to secure a quality

roost of their own,

increasing their chances of attracting a mate.

♪ ♪

The older bonded male returns to his nest

to find a young gull has jumped his claim.

The squatter must be evicted.

Kittiwake's locked beak battle is extremely painful.

♪ ♪

At any break, the two rivals race back up

to the nesting spot.

Replaying the duel.

Plummeting again.

♪ ♪

And again.

And again.

♪ ♪

The ravages of war begin to show on the squatter.

His bloodied face ends the fight.

♪ ♪

And just as well, because the elder gull's

mate has just returned.

Tenderly preening and bill tapping,

they reaffirm their bond for another year.

The male proud that he secured the summer home

for his family to be.

If looks could kill, this Cape buffalo would

long ago have rid the earth of its most hated enemy.

Bloody lions.

Ask any lion though, and the feeling's mutual.

This is a grudge match thousands of years in the making.

Midday in Africa, and the temperatures hit

a scorching 86 degrees.

Downtime for this lion pride.

But not for long.

A lone buffalo bull finds himself in enemy territory.

His sulky walkabout has led him straight to danger.

Lions hate to hunt in heat this bad,

but they know better than to let this opportunity pass.

Because lion and buffalo families have longstanding beef.

Blood spilled from this age old vendetta soaks the savanna.

A 330 pound lioness is small beans

for the 1,763 pound bull.

But a whole pride is a different matter.

They must bring the buffalo down quickly

before the heat brings them down.

Four inch canines are formidable,

but so is the buffalo's dense hide.

Most prides need the power of a big strapping male

to tackle prey this size.

This one has the next best thing.

Two young males.

Even with the combined might of the pride,

the buffalo refuses to buckle.

He knows that he's doomed if he does.

Finally, the heat takes its toll on the lions.

They've got no choice but to give up.

The way of the warrior buffalo has prevailed.

A small victory in the eternal battle

between two ancient adversaries.

Nature is all about niches.

Every single creature has a specific role to play.

Hunting for unique food means less competition.

Agile, with the brains of a super villain,

this arachnid preys on other spiders.

As far as spiders go, the Portia doesn't look scary.

And no bigger than a fingernail.

Not intimidating at all.

But the Portia's massive eyes are extremely powerful.

And its brain is deadly.

♪ ♪

Hunting foes often three times their size,

these assassins can analyze their prey's behavior

and plot a stealthy path to reach their victims.

♪ ♪

This Portia is on a mission to take down a lethal adversary.

♪ ♪

An orb weaver spider.

Delicious.

The Portia specializes in cannibalism.

But the orb weaver is in a much bigger weight class.

The Portia must plan the perfect attack

if she has any chance of subduing the orb weaver.

She must inject her own fast-acting venom

before she's overpowered.

Portia knows that her target has poor eyesight,

but it will react to the vibrations on its sticky web.

Bullseye!

A quick shot of rapid-acting venom, and the orb weaver's

innards are liquefied.

Portia can now drink to her success.

It's no small thing to dominate the African savanna.

♪ ♪

This herd of bachelor giraffes look upon the alpha in awe.

♪ ♪

When breeding season comes, he'll have the

pick of the females.

But how does one become an alpha?

Young males must hone their fighting skills,

preparing for a bout that may one day land them the top title.

Transforming from Africa's most graceful animals...

..into the goofiest.

♪ ♪

Standing at almost 20 feet tall and weighing

in over 3,300 pounds, this dominant bull

indulges in a little me time away from the guys.

♪ ♪

He has the high leaves all to himself.

The juicy tendrils filling his cavernous stomach

as he eats close to 66 pounds in a day.

But the alpha's moment of peace is soon disturbed.

♪ ♪

A low-ranked male, about the same size...

..but much, much younger.

Would like a sparring lesson from the master.

Why not humour the young fella?

He whips his heavy skull.

The lesson has begun.

The longer the neck, the more powerful the headbutt.

But the old guy pulls his punches...

..careful not to damage his apprentice.

The youngster responds.

In this training dojo...

..the pair take turns striking.

The old bull's tactic secures a leg up in the fight.

♪ ♪

Finally, the young gun yields.

Lowering his head and dropping his ears.

And the old bull thinks what old bulls always think

in moments like these.

"I still got it."

Moments ago, this rat cheated death.

But his mate wasn't so lucky.

He's being digested in the belly of a rat snake

over five slow days.

Reenergised, the rat snake patrols his realm.

But in this kingdom, there can only be one true king.

This female cobra has spent the last three months

taking care of her eggs.

She hasn't eaten in over a month.

A rat snake will make a perfect meal.

The cobra's forked tongue picks up traces of

the rat snake's scent.

She follows in its wake.

The rat snake knows it's being tailed.

A silent getaway, its only chance.

But the hungry king cobra is ready.

Thirteen feet long, the cobra's more powerful than her meal.

But the rat snake will still fight back.

The cobra's potent venom takes time to act.

The rat snake strikes in return.

But it's pointless.

Its bite has no venom.

The cobra takes the rat snake head on.

In just ten minutes, the victim is paralysed.

Cobra will absorb her victim for more than a week.

A meal fit for a king.

He's famously cute and cuddly.

The poster boy for hug-ability.

♪ ♪

However, when you see how he treats his rival males,

you'll wonder how much can a koala bear?

This young guy is a classic couch potato.

He spends 90% of his day snoozing.

The other 10%, he reluctantly chews on low-nutrition,

toxic eucalyptus.

While males are busy eating and sleeping,

koala mothers do all the heavy lifting.

From birth until her baby is weaned at 12 months,

she'll bear its weight.

First in her pouch, and then on her back.

The kid is her pride and joy.

♪ ♪

But dad's flat out doing nothing.

Until September each year, when suddenly all he wants

to do is become a dad again.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

His bellows let the ladies in the area know he's

virile and on the move.

His only goal, to impregnate as many females as he can.

But the girls aren't exactly throwing themselves at him.

Time to get busy.

Something smells interesting up this tree.

A potential mate?

Nope, it's an older male, who has rubbed his scent

gland all over the branches, announcing he's ready to breed.

He tries to make a move on a female further

up from where he sits.

She responds, totally rejecting his advances.

The younger male thinks he's more her type.

But if he's to try his luck, he must first

battle the old grouch.

Better wait till sundown and launch a sneak attack.

The young challenger tries to approach the female

from a different tree.

But the rival male has spotted him.

♪ ♪

The challenger falls back.

But hanging onto the branch leaves the

old guy open to attack.

This koala now has the upper hand.

♪ ♪

It's a long drop.

A mistake will hurt.

With a final bite, the older male is done for.

The young brawler bellows in conquest.

Turns out that was the easy part, because now he

has to impress the female.

♪ ♪

Famous for its teddy bear looks, this koala's

attempt at coercing the female are far from gentle.

That's not going to fly with this girl.

She lets him know how she feels with a splash

of urine to the face.

Eventually, the male has his way.

The tree-top tryst is brief.

After barely two minutes of exertion,

the male will retire for a 22-hour nap,

recharging for his next conquest.

Strange echoes fill the valleys and mountains of North America.

The sounds of battle.

It's breeding season for bighorn sheep.

And these males have their heads in the game.

The temperature may be cold, but these ewes are in heat.

But how's a gal to pick the right suitor?

Why not let the guys battle it out?

Without their impressive headgear,

the rams wouldn't survive combat.

Their massive horns curling in a keratin loop are

filled with air spaces, cushioning the blows.

♪ ♪

It helps reduce rapid brain deceleration and the chance

of catastrophic injury.

The high-impact battles can last hours.

At last, the weaker sheep is muscled out of the fight.

The victor still has more work to do in the pursuit of love.

And thawing the lady's heart is a whole other battle.

The rhythm of life among Borneo's mangroves bows to

one true master, the moon.

Manipulator of tides.

As brackish waters ebb seaward, it's game on for

intertidal life among the freshly exposed mudflats.

Eager eyes scan the banks, looking to come ashore.

This is not a frog or a crocodile.

These are the eyes of a weird little fish.

A fish that fights anybody who gets in his way.

A fish out of water is generally not in their comfort zone.

But for mudskippers, the shoe fits.

Walking ashore on powerful pectoral fins,

these amphibious fish spend as much time on the land

as they do in the water.

♪ ♪

Flats are far from peaceful places to hang.

With just four hours till the tide returns, these mudskippers

are up against the clock.

First order of the day, nutrition.

Some algal scum for breakfast, perhaps?

Maggots are delicious, of course.

But detritus left from the receding waters

is always number one.

Time out!

Must oxygenate!

As much as mudskippers love life on land,

their respiratory gear has to work overtime

to keep them alive.

Bimodal breathers, they take in air through their moist skin

and hold onto oxygen-rich water in their puffed-up gills.

Like portable oxygen tanks.

One mouthful of water lasts about six minutes.

Access to a plunge pool is critical for breathing

and hopefully attracting a female.

♪ ♪

But that requires time to practice.

Because this is how mudskippers make each other's acquaintance.

The ladies know that the highest jumpers are the fittest fellas.

Today, they're not the slightest bit interested.

This overexcited muddy has landed too close for

his neighbor's comfort.

The ultimate offense has been taken.

♪ ♪

Dorsal fins rise in aggression.

Mouths gape with insult.

But the oxygen clock has timed out.

-

Where were we?

Ah, yes.

♪ ♪

The duelists are evenly matched.

This calls for a fight.

♪ ♪

A very short fight.

Battling whilst holding their breath is exhausting.

So they resign to their own mud pools again.

As the tide rises, the mood on the mud flat brightens.

And everyone returns to the pomp of their aerial pretensions.

But mudskipper manners never last long.

Because on Planet Weird, the next outrage is never more

than a sideways glance away.