Original subtitles

Okay, people, conference table.

Just take a minute.

Hey, Jeff, check it out. My 20 -year quest to complete my Planet of the Apes

collection is over.

No, I don't get that movie. Those female apes, are they supposed to be sexy or

something? I don't think so.

Are you sure?

We gotta get you a woman.

Couple of quick things.

It's fashion week.

Lena, I'm sure you're looking forward to all the big parties.

I resent that implication.

You flatline at a couple of runway shows and suddenly you're a party animal.

Next item.

Vicki had an interesting idea. You're all going to evaluate me so that I can

a better boss.

Oh, yeah. I read a great article about this in Business Week.

All the captains of industry are doing it. Kirk, kangaroo, crunch.

Although technically crunch is a cap.

I want you to be brutally honest.

Don't worry, because the evaluations are anonymous.

And one more thing, show of hands, has anyone here ever been even the

slightest bit turned on by a movie ape?

A little bit.

Well, I've read your evaluations and you've made it quite clear where I need

improve.

Elliot, uh... They were supposed to be anonymous, but you signed yours. Well,

Jack, some people feel the need to hide under the blanket of anonymity, but I,

for one, am not afraid to stand by my words.

So you really think I'm a perfectionist who works too hard because I care too

much? Damn it, Jack, I do.

And Maya feels that I'm a saint who smothers his employees with too much

love.

Sorry. Sounds a lot harsher when it's read aloud.

Forgive me, Jack. I was brutal.

My rugged good looks distract you from your job.

It's like staring at the sun.

Point taken. No more rugby shirts on casual Fridays.

And Dennis, you just wrote, Dude, you rock.

a minute. Did everyone sign this?

Uh, no, not everyone.

Uh, one anonymous person thinks I can be controlling and manipulative, which

can stifle creativity.

Who do you think wrote that?

Vicki?

I thought he wanted honesty. Now, honesty is one of those things people

they want, but don't.

Like education or children.

Okay, well, I better go if you want to make the Versace show.

Oh, hey, it's a beautiful day. You want to walk? Oh, I hate walking. It's so

pedestrian.

Nina, it'll only take like ten minutes.

God gave us feet for three reasons. To be massaged, pedicured, and tied to the

other end of the bed.

You're walking. It'll be good for you.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to distract you.

I just thought that street juggler was amazing.

A little tip?

Never yell, look, he's got six balls, to a woman who's about to step off a curb.

I feel completely responsible.

Maybe you should let him stay for a few days, because with Simon on tour, you're

going to need some help.

Well, true, with Irma gone, I could use an extra hand.

Oh, you lost your housekeeper?

Well, there was a little theft problem. She caught me going through her purse.

So, how can I help? Well, actually, I did jot down a few things you could do.

Nina, I'm not going to take the GED for you.

Well, at the very least, you have to go to the Soho Grand and go to that party

for Stella McCartney's spring line.

I don't know. I'm no fun at those things. Look, you don't have to be the

the party. You don't have to be entertaining or charming or remotely

interesting. Just be yourself.

Hello, Vicki.

Hello, Jack.

Oh, excuse me. By saying hello, I didn't mean to manipulate you into saying

hello back.

I mean, maybe you wanted to say hey or top of the morning or hot chowder. Ouch!

Don't let me start with your creativity.

Hey, Jack.

Got all the lint off your sweater.

Well, put it back.

Listen, slutty McFurley sleeves.

You poked a bear. Now go give him some honey.

And save a little bit for me.

Can I come in?

Sure.

Unless you find me too pushy and bloated.

I never said bloated. It was implied.

Oh, come on, Jack.

You're never going to be a better boss if everyone's afraid to be honest with

you. I don't know.

Beer's always been a big winner for me.

These are the people that are closest to you. Don't you want to know what they

really think?

I guess so, but I don't think they're lying as much as you think they are.

Jack, I put all the lint back on your sweater. You're right, it looks much

better now.

Good call.

Hey there.

Where the hell have you been?

I thought you were only going to that party for an hour.

Well, I was.

But then I took your advice, and guess what? I had a really great time. I mean,

a really great time!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure you had a Maya great time.

Well, actually, it was a Nina great time.

I was dancing and drinking like a fish. Oh, two daiquiris?

No, I couldn't finish the second one, but I did eat the pineapple.

And then I started doing adorable things with this tiny sword.

Hi -ya, hi -ya, hi -ya, hi -ya. Okay, just put the tiny sword away. I get it.

You had a great time.

Now, let's focus on me.

Hello?

Stella!

Hi. Oh, listen, I'm so sorry. I couldn't make your party. I know you were

counting on me.

Who?

Yeah, she's right here.

Stella, hi.

No way.

No way.

No way.

I am so there.

I've been invited to the after party. They are in a limo downstairs waiting

me.

You're going out already? Yeah, I'll be smoothing.

And bruises. The men are be perusing. Wait, wait, wait. You just got home. I

mean, we haven't even had a chance.

In

the

past, I know you've been afraid to tell me the truth, but that ends now. Pull no

punches. How am I as a boss?

All right.

You can be gruff.

That's right, I can.

You could be self -centered. Accentured. Excellent.

Dismissive. A little immature.

You belittle me.

Thank you. I try to make you happy, but you give me nothing. You crush my

spirit.

All right, Sally, take a might off.

Dennis?

What? You're great.

Oh, come on, Dennis.

You of all people should have more complaints than anybody.

And yet I'm complaint -free.

You're going to tell me you don't find my constant demands annoying?

No. No.

Tell me I'm annoying.

Jack, this is... Tell me what you really think or Dr.

Zayas gets it.

Please don't hurt my monkey.

Twist.

Twist. No.

All right, you're a selfish, spoiled bastard.

Excellent. Let it out.

For the past ten years, you've been treating me like garbage.

Dennis, sleep in my car so no one steals my CD player. Dennis, break into my

house to see if the guard dogs are alert.

Okay, this has been constructed.

Who gets strip -searched by customs when you smuggle in your Cuban cigars?

Right? Who gets behind the wheel when you sideswipe someone in your Range

after three vodka gimlets? Huh? I won't drive again until I'm 60.

Okie dokie. Yeah, you're a pampered, lazy, spoiled son of a bitch who won't

a fat finger to help anyone. And I hate your vest.

Yeah.

Think Jack's still mad?

It doesn't matter.

You laid him out and he deserved it. You started the revolution, baby. Power to

the people.

Hey, big guy.

You're great, Erica. It really shows off the vest.

Dennis?

Jack, your bagel's almost ready. That's okay.

I toasted my own.

Actually, I just came over for some coffee.

I'll get it. No.

I'll get it.

You see, I realize that I have to be less demanding of you and more self

-reliant. Can I get you a cup of coffee?

There you go.

Jack, I am really impressed.

Finch was straight with you and you were trying to change.

Actually, I'm trying to drive him insane.

What are you talking about?

Dennis lives for this job.

I'm going to remind him of that. So I'll see you later. I'm going to go pick up

my own dry cleaning.

I've

got

to go. I'm going to be late for the Armani dinner.

Ooh, out two nights in a row. Hello, is there a party girl in the room?

Check it.

I don't think you should go.

Why? Because they're setting you up. Oh, Maya, these people are vicious.

They'll bring you to their party, they'll fix you up with a handsome guy,

then, when you least expect it, they'll dump a bucket of pig blood on your head.

That's the plot of Carrie.

Why are you doing this? Why are you trying to ruin this for me?

Because...

Oh, my God, you're jealous.

Oh, Polly.

You are.

For years, you've been making fun of my lame social life, and I'm finally out

there in the spotlight, and you can't take it.

Now you're not only boring, you're delusional. And late for a party. Excuse

I've got to go.

You're not walking out on me.

it. Save your breath and don't wait up.

Hello,

old friend.

Oh, damn it, it's a tic -tac.

Hey, anything I can do for you, Jack?

handle everything myself.

You know what? You're missing a button there. Let me take it.

I got it. I got it. Jack, let me take it.

You got it.

Don't do it myself.

That's the way I got my own car washed and I visited my own mother.

Meemaw?

To give her a sponge bath? No gloves.

It is such Such a joy to do things for myself.

Come on, Jack. Obviously Finch hurt your feelings. So stop playing with his head

and talk to him. No need. I've broken him down. Now I'll offer him a menial

and he'll jump for joy.

This never happened.

Jack's being so thoughtful and considerate.

What do you think he's doing?

He's punishing me.

He's taking away the very thing I live for, serving him.

He's an evil genius, like Dr.

Frankenstein or Kitty Quick.

And what are you going to do? Nothing.

I'm going to let Jack take care of himself until he begs me for help.

Wait till Meemaw comes back all sweaty from that jazzercise.

Hey, I'm taking off for the day.

Great. I'm just going to stay here and clean off all these old golf shoes.

Unless you'd care to help me.

They've got the big divots and the clumps like you like.

Oh.

No, I'm good. I might even be pressing my own pants.

The linen ones with the pleats?

Maybe.

I thought you were going to a basketball game tonight.

Well, I was, but now I'm going to have to stay here doing all this work for

myself. Got any suggestions?

Yeah.

I'll go to the basketball game.

Fine.

I hope I don't mess up the pleats, or worse.

Singe the fabric.

Well, I hope the athletic men don't do special things with the ball that you'll

regret missing.

Couldn't move. Couldn't reach my medication.

I think I blacked out.

Oh, I feel terrible. I never would have left you if I'd known... Wait a minute.

If you've been there the whole night, why is there fresh ice in that glass?

Oh, kiss my ass, Nancy Drew.

What is wrong with you?

I came back here because I felt guilty about our fight and then you pulled

To hell with it. I'm out of here.

Well, fine. You know what? Good riddance.

Don't go. I'm lonely.

What?

I said I'm bony.

Wonderfully bony.

I specifically heard lonely.

Fine, fine. Okay.

Simon's out of town and I'm stuck here.

Well, I'd just like to not be the only person here.

But, Nina, you have a million friends.

Sure, I know a million people I can go out with, but they're not the kind of

people I'd want to stay in with.

Oh, my God.

I'm your best friend.

No.

It's just that you're the only person I can trust to heat up my soup.

Like a best friend. Will you stop saying that? It's just, you know, Vinny's

gone, and, well, you and I have known each other for a very long time, and

there's just a certain level of comfort that comes with... With being a best

friend.

I'm coming in for a hug. No, no, okay, enough.

Okay, best friend.

You know what I'm going to do?

I'm going to put on my jewel CD, make us a pot of cinnamon hot cocoa, and we'll

stay up all night pulling apart that puzzle called men.

That sounds great.

Cocoa's in the pantry.

You know what's great?

You always come off so glib and shallow.

But now I know deep down you're just as scared and vulnerable as the rest of us.

You don't have to be scared anymore.

You've got me.

Hey, do you have a Ouija board?

How was your night?

Great.

I ironed three pairs of pants.

a shirt and $500.

How was the game?

Great. Great. A tall guy shot the ball from super far and they gave him an

point.

Who are you kidding? You can't even name one basketball player.

You can't name one brand of iron.

Maypool. Tully Johnson.

World Tag.

Sammy Heitberg. Oh, stop.

This is ridiculous and you've completely misappointed this exercise and we're

going to fix it right now.

This is crazy.

You're pretending you like ironing and you're pretending you don't care about

him. You guys have to stop playing games and really talk to each other.

Sunspot. Dribbles McPhee.

You guys have a chance to really connect, to really get to know each

else go back to living in a pathetic world of denial. Come on. What do you

Dennis?

Yes?

I want a cup of coffee. I'm on it.

You guys are just going to pretend like nothing ever happened. But, Jack, I

thought that you were... That you were... What?

You thought I was what?

A brilliant man who looked great in a vest.

I appreciate your honesty.

Jack, Meemaw, there's a situation.

May I?

Take the gloves.