Original subtitles

Oh, Jack, good. My new intern starts today, and I would really love for you

meet him. I can't stand interns.

They're so eager, and they're always fawning over me. I hate fawning.

Hey, Jack, your oatmeal's still really hot. Should I blow on it or hold it over

my head and run around the office?

What do you think?

Look, this is a really worthwhile program for underprivileged youth. Now,

kid's name is Jimmy Kors, and I would just really like to give him a good

welcome. Fine, if it'll make you happy. I am a reasonable man.

No.

Thanks for doing this, Dad.

I'm so excited to mold a young, fresh mind. Jimmy Course, college intern.

Jimmy Course, college intern.

Wait, you're Jimmy Course?

College intern.

Hi, Jimmy, I'm Jack Gallo. Oh, Mr. Gallo, sir, it's an honor to meet you.

Someday I hope to be a magazine publisher just like you.

Fantastic. Keep him away from me.

So, Jimmy, you're a little older for a college intern.

Yeah, I had to work to put my four older brothers through school.

I spent the last 27 years working for the highway department.

What a huge sacrifice.

What did you do?

Well, you know when you see a dead animal on the side of the highway and

next day it's gone?

It didn't get better.

Okay. Well, I'm Maya, and I'm going to be your mentor while you're here at

Blush. I thought we'd start with some filing. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Slow down, sweetheart.

First of all, yes, I would like some coffee.

Uh, Jimmy, I don't think that's the appropriate way to address your boss.

sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so nervous. This is a big opportunity for me. I'm just a

little uncomfortable about my age.

Oh, nobody is going to judge you about that. The people around here are very

sensitive. Hey, Grandpa, listen.

Make me a couple of copies and try not to break a hip while you're doing it,

right?

Oh,

Jack, planning this wedding is driving me crazy.

Well, I'd be happy to help.

I do have a pretty cutting -edge sense of style, what with running a major

fashion magazine.

What, blush?

No offense, Jack, but this magazine's sense of style is a little outdated.

You're the fashion editor.

And whose fault is that?

Elliot?

Father Vincent?

What a wonderful surprise. What are you doing here?

Well, I'm taking over St.

Adrian's. It's in the neighborhood, and so I thought I'd drop in. I haven't seen

you in years.

How've you been?

Good. And by good, I mean moral and pious and godly.

Hey, Elliot, for the bikini shoot, should I ice my nipples?

I don't know what she's talking about.

Yes.

So what church do you attend now?

Oh, actually, I'm between churches at the moment. Well, I'm setting up a Bible

study group if you'd like to join.

Would I?

If there's a Bible, I'm studying it.

Wonderful.

First lesson is tonight.

It's awesome. It's great.

God is cool.

Mitch, what have I gotten myself into?

You mean with this priest? Oh, he's more than just a priest. He practically

raised me. He's more of a dad to me than my own dad.

Mm -hmm.

He taught me how to throw a ball and tie a fish hook.

He gave me my first camera.

And all he asked for me in return is that I be a good Catholic.

How can I tell Father Vincent what kind of guy I'd become?

I don't want to go to some Bible study class. I just can't bear to let him

Hey, man, I'm here for you.

Item number three on the agenda.

Sorry I'm late. Jimmy Kors, college intern.

How about it? Jimmy Kors, college intern.

And may I say that being in these plush surroundings with you fine people, this

is like a dream come true.

For me, too.

Now, I was thinking for our double issue, we would do a feature on the

of the bikini. I like it. Jack, I like it. I think we can do better.

I'm confused. He seems to have power. Who do I side with?

You know, Jimmy, for your first meeting, you might want to adopt more of a

listening posture.

Yeah, in other words, Pops, take out your teeth, crank up the miracle ear,

fantasize about Angela Lansbury.

Anyway,

I thought we'd do interviews with some of the top models from the 60s.

Boring.

I'll talk to him.

Mimi adjourned.

Finally.

Well, I went to Father Vincent's Bible study class last night, and it was

horrible. Oh, I can imagine.

The Bible doesn't address any of the moral dilemmas I face.

For example, you're at the summer home of a washed -up movie producer.

There's a dead hooker in the pool.

You figure her bracelet's going to end up in the filter anyway.

What would Jesus do?

The Bible part isn't so bad, but the school.

The school is filled with these beautiful, innocent, religious women.

So use your cane, you're able.

It would devastate Father Vincent if I started scamming on his flock.

Well, forget about him. You're with models all the time. No, but there's

something forbidden about these women.

The way they sit there, taunting me with their button -up sweaters and their

sensible shoes and their old -world manners. May I, please?

I mean, I'm just a man!

Elliot, I need some help.

You're no shape to work, pal.

Let me handle this one.

Come on, baby.

I don't know what to do about the centerpieces for the wedding. I don't

anything too bulky.

It's simple. We go with the slender vases.

Brilliant.

Oh, hello, beautiful.

Hello, Jack.

Oh, I don't mean to imply that you're not beautiful.

Jack, it's just that society doesn't allow men to comment on each other's

physical appearance.

So the fact that I do find you physically attractive will remain

Which is perhaps for the best.

I'll be ready in just a minute. We're going over China for the reception.

Oh, lovely. I'll just sit here and look at you adoringly.

So, what do you think of this plate with platinum trim?

Very nice, classy.

Yeah, I thought we could tie it all together with red napkins. Great touch.

Actually, I prefer white napkins.

Darling, I don't think that's going to work.

I thought when people came in... No, I'm serious.

I want white napkins. Well, that's not going to fit with the whole tableau

presenting. Don't try and confuse me with your funny French phrases. I know

I want, and I want white napkins.

Simon, I think you're being a bit unreasonable.

So the ugliness comes out.

That little Simon. Put him in the corner and paddle his bum.

Nobody wants to listen to what he has to say, no?

Pudding for him today.

Jimmy, I wanted to talk to you about what happened in that meeting. Yeah, and

wanted to talk to you.

What's with dissing me in front of the whole crew?

What? Look, I understand you're threatened, but... I'm not threatened by

Well, you should be.

I read your articles.

Somebody light a match.

Okay, that's it. Who the hell do you think you are? You are a middle -aged

intern. Is there any bigger loser on earth? I don't think so.

You're rude.

You're lazy. And for the record, intern is not spelled with a U.

Wow.

Sorry, it's... had to be said. No.

No, you're right.

I'm a total failure.

Now, I wouldn't go that far.

Look at me.

I've got no job, no direction.

I'm a 45 -year -old college freshman.

You haven't had any advantages. I mean, you grew up poor.

No, I didn't.

My family's loaded.

You lied about being poor? I had to in order to get this internship.

I've been kicked out of all the others.

For some reason, I rub people the wrong way.

I might as well just eat until I'm fat.

And I mean brando fat.

Look, we got off to a bad start.

I believe that everyone deserves a second chance.

So, what do you say we start over?

You're a good person, Maya.

Meeting you could be a real turning point for me.

Oh, that's nice to hear.

Hey, come on, I'll buy you lunch.

Oh, please.

I got more money than God.

We'll go have these.

After these things, I heard a great voice of much people in heaven saying,

Hallelujah.

And God said, Amen. I say to you, there is no one who has given up house, or

brothers, or sisters, or mother, or father, or children, or land, and

I say, and for the sake of the gospel, who will not receive a hundred times

now in this present age.

Sisters, and mothers, and children, and lands, persecution.

Do you want to be included?

Of course. I want to feel the warm embrace of the Lord.

We're taking a coffee order.

And now I would like to discuss the book of Matthew.

Hey, God lovers, any room at the inn?

Of course, my son.

There's always room for one more.

All right.

Oh, scooch. Make way.

Oh.

You must have sneezed because God blessed you.

What are you doing here?

I'm here to rock my soul in the bosom of Abraham.

Or anyone else who might be interested.

Father Vincent, this man is a fraud. He's not religious.

In fact, he's never set foot inside a church his entire life.

My name is Dennis Finch and I am a sinner.

I've spent my whole life indulging in pleasures of the flesh.

And I've gotten pretty good at it.

But it's time to turn my life around.

And that's why I'm here tonight.

Save me?

Oh, Dennis, you really seem to enjoy talking about the Lord. Oh, I love the

Lord. All the Lords.

The one of the rings, the one of the dance, the ten that are always a

Could you get me a glass of water?

Tap or holy?

You having fun?

Actually, no.

All we do is read scripture.

And there's so much sex.

She's be getting him, he's be getting her, and I be getting nothing.

Because she's a nice girl, and you're scum. So for once, you lose.

Here's your water.

Thanks.

You know, you really seem dedicated to finding salvation.

Oh, I am. I'm so committed to it.

That's what I was afraid of.

What?

Well, you see, I've been a good girl all my life.

But when I saw you walk in that classroom, I thought, now here's the guy

will help me unleash 15 years of pent -up sexual frustration.

No. No, you're not wrong.

I'm a lying horny bastard.

This whole thing was just a scam to get in your pants anyway.

Really? I mean, would a pious man do this?

Why do you let him win?

Simon will not let this white napkin thing go. He sulked around the apartment

all night. I don't know what to do.

Nina, you're too close to this. I'll talk to her. Mark my words, you will

your red napkins.

Jack, I can always come to you with the thorniest of problems.

Quick question.

You find a bracelet at a pool party.

It's driving me crazy. I took him out to dinner, and now I can't get rid of him.

He told me his whole life story.

Hopes, dreams, fears. And then I get home, and there's like 30 messages on my

machine. You want my advice.

Stop being so nice.

God, you are so afraid that people won't like you that you make yourself a

doormat. It's pathetic.

How dare you?

What, that's all you got?

You arrogant, condescending bitch.

I love that energy.

Maya. Maya, it's me.

Oh, I'm glad you're here. We've got to talk. Before we do, I want to introduce

you to somebody.

Somebody very dear to me.

Helen Korsh, Jimmy's mother.

It's nice to meet you. I'm so glad he finally has a nice girlfriend.

What? Ma, she's not my girlfriend yet.

Okay, I think there's been a little misunderstanding.

Come on, step over there by her. I want to take a picture of you. No, Ma, no,

no, no. No, Ma, no.

Embarrassingly. Now, I want to take a picture. Ma, okay, don't force me

will you please?

You live under my roof, you go by my roof.

I can't take this anymore.

Oh. I hate you. I hate you.

I hate you.

Well, you're his girlfriend, for God's sake. Go talk to him.

Should have picked a Latino kid from the Bronx.

We're actually car washing Sunday. Remember, girls, T -shirts and shorts.

going to be getting wet and soapy for the Lord.

Can you grab my windbreaker, baby?

You know, you're despicable.

See that?

That's Mary Elizabeth's friend, Mary Catherine.

She wants to know you, buddy. She wants to know you until you can't know no

more. Don't do this to me.

I'm telling you, man, these girls, they're so repressed.

Hi, Mary Catherine.

Hello, Elliot.

I like your sweater.

Thank you. My grandmother made it for me.

I have a matching set of mittens.

Oh, my God, I can't take this anymore. Me either.

Oh, my.

She made me.

Hey, thanks for coming by, mate.

Can I call you mate?

Sure. Can I call you joker? I don't need to call you mate.

Anyway, we got a little problem.

Nina really wants the red napkins. I don't give a toss about the napkins.

why are you making such a big deal about them? Because I asked for one thing and

she dismissed me. And it's a bad precedent going into a marriage not

heard.

I suppose. Look, you know how women can be.

I start out giving in on the napkins. The next thing you know, she's telling

what to eat, how to dress, where to go on holiday.

When you can play golf, what to name your daughter?

Maya. What are we, Aztecs?

I mean, I don't know how your wives treated you, but I don't want to end up

losing my identity, my dignity, or my manhood.

We're going with white napkins. But I... No buts.

We say so, and that should be enough for you.

Dad, why are you shouting? You stay out of this, Edna.

Edna? If it was good enough for your grandmother, it's good enough for you.

Simon, please, about the napkins... Why, uh... See, the truth is, love, I don't

really care about the napkins.

I just wanted to be heard.

I am so sorry, darling. I guess I just got so caught up in the wedding that

I will never ignore you again.

That's all I needed.

And I want you to have the red napkins.

It's too late. I already cancelled the red napkins so you could have the white

ones. Oh, my God.

This is like the gift of the major, except we have lots of money and lots of

hair.

I can't believe you're dating this guy. I'm not dating him. I've made it very

clear that we're just friends.

There's my special girl.

Roses for the rose, sweets for the sweet.

Jimmy, the candies are for diabetic.

Yeah, I got them from my mother's drawer.

Yeah, you need any insulin?

Lose him, lose him now.

You know, Jimmy, I really appreciate the attention, and you're very nice, but...

What?

Well, I... Oh, for God's sake!

Okay, here's the deal.

Maya, in spite of her flaws, is quite a catch.

Whereas you, oh, you are not even in her league. You pampered, obnoxious tower

of failure.

Now get out!

Oh, my God.

Jimmy, I'm sorry. Nina didn't mean... That is some fiery habanero.

I gotta get me a piece of that.

I'm gonna need these.

I joined the Bible study because I didn't want to disappoint you, and I

I did exactly that.

Elliot, we all struggle. We all stray.

The important thing is you're here.

And I know you're a good person.

Thank you, Father.

Oh, by the way, your friend Finch won't be coming around anymore.

The Monsignor walked in on him, filming some sort of bogus car wash.

He's a piece of work, that one. Well, we can only hope he finds God in his own

way.

Shalom, ladies.