Original subtitles

Where the hell is this damn elevator? It's taking forever.

Maybe we ought to look at this as an opportunity.

I mean, you and I are always so busy we never get to really connect. What's

going on with you, man? Where's Jack Gallo at?

Hey, guys.

We've been waiting 20 minutes for the elevator.

And only 18 of that was foreplay.

Hey, Rhonda, you remember Elliot?

Sure.

How's it going?

Hi. Can't complain.

Jack, I'd like you to meet a special lady.

Some.

Oh, this is cheap money buckets.

You look like a couple of handfuls of fun.

Why don't we pop some buttons off that vest and watch the raft inflate?

She seems lovely.

I'll be right back with this, Mr. Gallo.

Hey, listen, when you're finished here, could you take another run at my office?

Your first pass was pretty shoddy. I'll get to it when I get to it.

I don't get it. She worked so hard for you, but she won't do a damn thing for

me. Nina, do you know why I'm such a wealthy, successful man?

Because your grandparents exploited immigrant labor in sweatshops and left

blood money to you?

Well, that gave me a boost in the beginning.

But since then, it all boiled down to my ability to motivate people.

Marjorie does a beautiful job cleaning my office because I treat her with

kindness.

Thank you, Marjorie.

Wow.

Way to line a trash can.

Thank you. And might I say that you're an excellent duster.

You should see the way I clean windows.

Indeed I should, pretty lady.

I'm going to go do your office right now. Might I also add you have a

ass.

Hey, your new boyfriend's on his way up. Oh, Adam is so great. We met at a self

-fulfillment seminar.

It's so great to be with someone who gets you.

Sounds like me and Rhonda. The way he listens, the way he understands.

The way she cuffs me, the way she doesn't leave bruises.

Hi. Great news.

I got us tickets to the Albee play tonight.

Oh, I'm supposed to go out with a friend.

But I know you have abandonment issues from your parents' divorce, and I'd hate

to unearth those feelings.

Oh, I appreciate your acknowledging that, but go with your friend.

Being an only child nurturing peer relationships must be incredibly

you. I feel so validated.

Me too.

Dude's such a loser.

Yeah. Wouldn't it be great if somebody hit him in the throat with a baseball

and crushed his larynx?

Dude, what's wrong with you?

I don't know.

I mean, you know, this thing with Maya, it's complicated.

You know, obviously we have the thing, you know, our history from before, and

then we slept together, you know, as friends. I've got to tell you, when I

her with this guy, it just kind of bugs me.

I guess I don't know what to feel.

Yeah, I know what you're going through.

Last night, Rhonda shaved my chest and dressed me up like Gwen Stefani.

You know what? Just forget it, man. No, no, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Listen.

You guys had a plan.

And obviously, Maya's moving forward, so maybe you should too, you know? Yeah,

you're right. What am I moping around for?

I'm Elliot DeMauro. You are, man.

I'm Elliot DeMauro.

Hey, baby.

You got three seconds to grab a part of me you never grabbed before.

No, no, no.

Healthy squeeze.

Oh, mama mia.

That was good.

Hey, Jack's tanning. I have to flip him over, honey. Put that cloth on.

Hey, Rhonda. I know it might be none of my business, but I got to ask you

something. Yeah, it's pierced.

No.

Do you feel like your relationship with Finch is healthy?

That's a little personal. I mean, don't you crave tenderness, understanding, a

real emotional connection?

You can get that from a man.

Yes. Set the bar higher.

Dennis should be treating you with respect.

You don't know what you're talking about.

Venice treats me with plenty of respect.

Oh, there's my baby.

Wait, you hear that?

What? I don't hear anything.

Yeah, that's the sound of nobody being spanked. Oh, oh, oh, there it is again.

Oh,

Marjorie, you haven't been by my office today.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Nina and I got to talking. You know, we have a lot in common.

So now your office gets done and mine doesn't?

Don't worry. I'll put in a good word for you. She's kind of my girl now.

Do you think you can just stroll in here, fake a few pleasantries, and beat

at my own game?

I've been pretending to be nice since before you were born.

Dennis, I want you to find out everything you can about a Marjorie

The maid?

Dude, you can invite her now.

Stop it.

Nina thinks she can out -charm me.

Nobody out -charms me.

What's that heart on your neck? Have you been branded?

Oh, no.

No, Rhonda heated up a belt buckle, gave me a little love burn.

This woman, is she holding you against your will?

No, I like her.

Gotcha.

She's watching us, right?

Blink three times if you want me to call the authorities.

Jack, no, it's not like that. We have a safe word. Rhonda's never going to hurt

me as long as I say applesauce.

Oh, wait, apple juice.

Oh, my God, apple cider? Oh, my God.

Mm -hmm.

Hey, baby.

You want to make a finch omelet?

You know what?

Before we just jump right into bed, we need to discuss our feelings.

All right. Well, I'm feeling really horny. Hey, I need you to take this

seriously.

Okay. I'm sorry.

I'm feeling really horny.

Don't get it.

I'm talking about an emotional connection here. I want us to take our

relationship to a deeper level.

Deeper level. You know, you sound like you sound exactly like... Maya.

She opens up my eyes. I have a right to expect more from the men in my life. And

until you are willing to fulfill me emotionally, you cannot fulfill me

physically.

Well...

In the meantime, can you fulfill me physically?

Don't rip your arms off. No.

No, no, no. Apple fritter!

Sam.

Here you go. Background check on one Marjorie Moynihan.

Plays the recorder, loves shrimp, hates clams.

This stuff is gold.

Marjorie, I have some cobwebs on my ceiling. I'd get them down myself, but I

threw my back out while jamming on the recorder.

You play the recorder?

So do I. Get out of town.

them that you had with your sister, I have the solution.

You do?

Oh, no, I can also help with your sister's saliva.

That can't be right.

It's Sylvia. Ah. Well, obviously, I care a little more about you. Not true. I

care more, or else how would I know that you went to the University of Florida?

Dammit, Dennis, learn to type!

This is amazing.

Here I thought I was just a cleaning lady, but...

You guys really care about me as a person.

Uh, okay.

You two are probably the best friends I have in the whole world.

Oh, that can't be true.

Oh, yeah, yeah, ever since my dog died.

Hey, you want to hear the song I wrote about her?

Can't wait.

I live by the highway.

Here comes the truck.

What do you think you're doing? You've ruined Rhonda.

I didn't ruin her.

You know, I've met a lot of girls, and some were filthy and some were dirty.

she was filthy and dirty. She had it all.

Rhonda deserves better, and if you are going to be with her, then you need to

treat her with dignity and respect.

Respect? What?

Chivalrous? What are you doing to me? I'm helping you.

I don't know if Rhonda's the one, but you're never going to be in a long

-lasting relationship.

If you don't open up a little emotionally.

You don't know what you're talking about. Oh, oh, I do. I know you, Finch.

And I know that behind the flip comments, there's a guy who wants more.

A guy who doesn't want to end up alone on a park bench feeding stale bread to

the pigeons.

I don't want to feed the stale pigeons.

I can help. Hey, why don't you and Rhonda come over for dinner tonight with

and I, and you can watch us interact as a couple.

Yeah. Bless you. Oh, it's going to be okay.

Okay, you can take your head out of my chest now.

But it's nice down here.

This is Colette, my new beautiful girlfriend.

Oh, hello, Colette. I'm with her as a result of moving on.

I used to be over here, and now I'm over here.

Elliot, I'm bored.

Can we have sex?

Not now, honey. Here, here's a buck. Go buy yourself a peppermint patty.

Okay, what's going on? Nothing. I mean, you and I had something, you know, and

then we ended up sleeping together as friends, and it was cool.

But now it's over, you know, sever the ties, and I couldn't be happier.

Good, I'm glad. I love you. Take me back.

What? No, I need you. I want you. I'll crawl through broken glass to get you.

What about Colette? She's nothing. She's a prop. Look at her over there eating

peppermint patties. What's up with that?

Elliot, you don't love me. It's very sweet. Every time I get serious about a

guy, you get jealous. But if I was single, you wouldn't give me a second

That's not true. You have done it before. You only want what you can't

So? Can we go back to your place and make love?

Fine.

Dinner was delicious, sweetie. I appreciate you taking the time to cook

long day at work. Oh, thank you. And I appreciate you being so attuned to the

competing concerns facing the modern woman.

Maya, I would like to add that watching how you command respect...

without compromising your values, validates my sense that I can grow as a

person.

I like the yams.

I felt that they were very validating to my tummy.

He's trying. You can't expect to reach the level of communication that Adam and

I have overnight.

I'm sorry, Dennis, if I diminished your sense of self.

Thank you, Rhonda. And I do care about your feelings.

And to reiterate, I really like the air.

Okay. Well, now, if you all join me in the living room, it's time to have some

fun.

Maya has invented a wonderful game in which you match poetic verses with the

romantic poets who wrote them. And here's the twist.

On the card is a picture of the poet's mouth.

I call it Romantic Poets' Mouths, or Ropomo.

Finch, you want to go first?

Ah, sure.

Ropomo!

Old Ocean's gray and melancholy waist are but solid decorations all of the

tomb of man.

Ocean's gray. It's not Nipsey Russell.

I tell you what, I don't know if he writes poetry, but I'd bet my life that

mouth belongs to Mr. Matt Lauer.

Sorry, it's William Cullen Bryant. Damn it! I knew that. I know him. Sis, stop.

I'm sorry, honey. I didn't know that one. I was covering.

Well, your willingness to expose your weaknesses makes me feel closer to you.

You guys, that's beautiful. That's exactly what this is about, getting to

know each other.

I appreciate your willingness to accept me as I really am. And I appreciate you

making a genuine effort for this evening.

Perhaps when we get home tonight, I will reward you with a...

Type of job? That is not a job, per se.

That sounds lovely.

Maybe I'll respond with reciprocity.

I'm sure that would lead to validation.

I intend to meet your emotional needs all night long.

I hope your parking garage accepts multiple validations.

You're just dressing up your dirty talk.

No, Maya.

No, this is a genuine expression of our emotions.

Yes, Maya. And our feelings are no less valid because they're of a getting -it

-on nature.

I'm just saying, don't confuse the two. Adam and I don't. We have a pure

emotional bond and a physical life filled with passion.

I wouldn't exactly call it passion.

What?

Excuse us.

Is everything okay?

Sharing your opinion of our sex life with others makes me feel diminished.

I find your use of the word diminished to be accusatory.

Calling me accusatory when you started this belittles my intelligence.

I think your overreaction to my comment reflects an issue that preceded me.

Well, I think you're a stupid head.

Jerk.

Jerk to infinity, get out!

What are you doing?

Final strip ropomo.

This buddy -buddy thing with Marjorie is a nightmare.

She made me a T -shirt that says friend plus pal equals frow.

You think that's bad? She gave me this friendship bracelet.

I had it appraised. It's worthless.

Hey, Jack. Hey, Frail.

Guess what? I got three tickets to the medieval fair tonight.

Marjorie, we need to talk.

God's teeth.

Pray thee to speak, my lord.

Uh -huh.

Listen, Nina and I got into a petty competition.

Which may have led you to believe that we cared about you more than we actually

do.

Well, how much do you care about me? Very, very little.

Even less.

How could you do this to me?

I might not be the most stable person, and I might have to take medication to

control my episodes, but I don't deserve to be treated this way! Nobody does!

Nobody does!

That guy's just messing with me.

Oh, it's some practical joke.

More mead?

Just give me the jug.

Hey. We need to talk.

I was out with Colette tonight and all I could think of was you. We just have to

get back together.

Oh, Elliot, come on. You're thinking, and maybe in the past I did act

impulsively, but this is different. I've changed. And this has nothing to do

with jealousy. Absolutely not.

And if I were single, you would dive right in. Head first.

Adam and I broke up.

That's great.

So, uh, you think we should give it another go? Yeah.

Well, I still have all the wedding plans from when we were engaged. We could get

that rolling and think about starting a family.

Okay. What do you think about Alexandra for a girl's name?

It's pretty.

That window's nailed shut. Oh, my God, I can't breathe in here. It's like a

tournament.

Elliot, I do not want to have a relationship with you.

Really? Yes.

We're friends. That's what we were meant to be.

Yeah, right.

I know.

I mean, I do have this pattern where I just get nuts when you're with another

guy. I know.

Come on, hey, I'm sorry about you and Adam. You seem like an okay guy.

Oh, thanks. But if the truth be told, there's this guy in my book club, Jason,

and he gave me his phone number. I think I might call him. He's kind of cute.

Why to Vegas? We can be married tonight.

Go home, Elliot.

Yeah, it's probably best. Yeah, I think so.

Okay, bye. Oh,

hey, you guys.

Where have you been? You went in to get your coats, and then I heard...

Begging and screaming and some muffled cries.

We were just goofing around.

Right, Muppet?

Yeah, it's lots of fun. Hey, if you see your dad, can you give him this message?

It don't matter what I wanna do.

It's got a mind of its own.

Life keeps bringing me back to you.