Original subtitles

So, Martin, coffee was great, but I kind of got... Here's the thing about me.

I don't like to talk about my money.

We weren't talking about your money. I make a lot of money, but it doesn't

define me.

I know what you're thinking.

What did I do to deserve this guy?

That's exactly what I'm thinking.

You know, these past couple of weeks have been really great, but... There he

How's my favorite lawyer?

I'd tell you, but I'd have to bill you $300.

Funny. Lawyers are greedy. By the way, Jack, here's your will. I made the

revisions. Isn't he amazing?

Let me take you to the club.

Maya will join us.

I can't. I kind of got a thing. I don't care what it is. I won't take no for an

answer. It's some woman's problem. Bye -bye. Bye -bye.

I'll see you.

Dennis, put my will in the safe.

Remember... No one opens this envelope under any circumstances.

If you're at gunpoint, I expect you to die before you let anyone read this.

sir. My word is my bond.

What?

Maya gets his frozen head?

I made all those wigs for nothing?

Buddy, you're not going to believe it. I'm rich.

I just took a sneaky peek at Jack's will. He's leaving me one million

Yeah. Oh, my God. If he's leaving you a million bucks, I'm getting at least a

million, right?

Yeah. Yeah.

I've got a huge problem. What's up? I was going through Simon's dresser

and I found this.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

He's going to propose to you. Congratulations.

It's not that simple. The thing is...

I married someone else. What?

His name is Roland Devereaux. We met in Milan.

Oh, it was doomed from the start.

There were drunken binges, petty theft, other women, and of course he did

things, too.

That sounds awful. Why'd you marry him in the first place?

Because as bad as things would get, whenever he kissed me, all my reason

just melt away. He has this blinding sexual power.

Oh, I completely understand.

A lot of women have said the same thing about me.

Oh, it's so sweet of you to try to make me laugh.

What am I going to do?

Simon is planning this huge romantic dinner tonight, and I'm afraid he's

to propose. All right, you just go to this guy and you tell him you want a

divorce. But I've avoided Roland for the last eight years because I didn't want

him to be sucked back in.

He's a manipulative genius. His intellect is overpowering. All right,

go with you. A lot of people have said my intellect is overpowering. You know,

it was funny the first time, but now you're just kissing me.

You wanted to see me? Yeah, I heard you broke up with Martin. What were you

thinking? I was thinking he was shallow and annoying.

Come on. He's perfect.

He's successful, attractive, and day or night, he smells fantastic.

He smells like a winner. It's my life, and in fact, I'm interested in someone

else. His name is Andrew. Sounds like he's got VD.

Jack, he's a nice guy. He's an environmentalist.

Fine. Do your thing. Make your choices. Get your freak on.

Whatever you kids are doing.

I'm out of it.

Thank you.

I can't do it. I can't face Roland. You've got to.

Just think of your future with Simon.

All right.

It just radiates sexual energy. It's hypnotic. All right, do you see me

weakening? Get me out of here.

Hello, Nina.

Look, Diane, Nina's back.

I'm Elliot DeMauro.

I'm Trey.

This is the sexual dynamo? Ages only made him sexier.

Diane, I think, has had some work.

Look, uh, would you please just sign these papers and we'll be on our way.

why the rush?

Why don't we end this the way we started it?

Over to Kiel Royale. Yeah, well, thanks, Chief, but we're in a bit of a time

crunch.

You're an artist, aren't you?

I can see the pain in your eyes.

But be brave.

As Nietzsche said, great heart justifies the suffering in the world.

You are a gift to us all.

I guess I could have one glass.

Nina?

I want to show you something.

When you left me, all the beauty was drained from my life.

And so to replace it, I went to Italy to learn the ancient art of Venetian glass

sculpture.

I toiled for six years before a raging furnace, burning my

hands, losing the sight.

In my left eye!

All to create this exquisite glass

orchid. It's beautiful.

Compared to you, it's crap!

Don't you need me to go with you to do that thing?

Oh, my God, you're the most amazing man I've ever met.

All right, enough of this, Roland. I am begging you, please sign these papers.

Very well, I'll sign your papers.

But all I ask for in return is a kiss.

What? If you can kiss me and tell me honestly the passion between us is dead,

will set you free.

I am not going to kiss you. Because you're afraid.

afraid that it will unleash the love you have for me and send you back into my

arms.

Think he's got you?

I am not afraid. And if that's what it takes, I will kiss you.

Very well.

My lips await.

I have to go.

Oh, Nina!

Wait!

Excuse me?

Am I in any danger here?

Man, this thing's heavy. It's cast iron.

Now, hold steady while I make sure it's centered.

Hey, I got a confession to make. I read your will yesterday.

Dennis, how could you?

Well... I know it was wrong, but I have to thank you. Dennis, you do realize you

don't get a penny of that until I'm dead.

Oh, no, no.

What have I done?

What have I done?

Dennis, I'm all right.

But I'm pinned under this thing and the wires are exposed.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

I'm still okay.

You've lived in a tree for six months. Andrew, you are so brave.

No. No, the tree is brave.

for surviving in a world that we have polluted with our factories and our

God, I hate people.

Somebody call an exterminator?

Oh, so you're here to kill some defenseless creatures?

Great. How would you like it if a rat in a jumpsuit showed up in your kitchen

and tried to poison you?

Well, if I do my job right, that won't happen.

Maya, Martin and I were just out shopping for speedboats.

I bought one.

150K has this beautiful teak deck.

And how many trees died to build that deck?

75.

So, who's your buddy with the hobo shoes?

Dad, this is Andrew. He's regional director for Hug the Planet. He's

to preserving our forest.

Yeah, well, let me give you a little tip, Tarzan.

Why don't you hop a vine to Brooks Brothers and get yourself some big boy

clothes?

Dad, can I speak with you for a moment?

What the hell are you doing?

Martin is a great guy. You didn't give him a chance.

You know, when it comes to men, your instincts are awful. Andrew is a

person, and I would be lucky to go out with him.

Maya, he is wrong for you. Oh, yeah?

Andrew, would you like to have dinner with me tonight?

Sure.

Fantastic.

Oh, look, a spider.

Let's take him outside and release him into his natural habitat.

Elliot, I don't know what I'm going to tell Simon.

I have to just hope and pray that he doesn't propose.

What?

Yeah, I guess Roland liked you.

I think sending a gift might seem a little desperate. Yeah.

Okay, okay, okay.

Oh, darling, you're here.

Are you ready for the most romantic night of your life?

You know, I'm not.

I'm really not ready for a romantic night.

In fact, this is a particularly bad time for me to have a romantic night.

Why? Well, because I'm having woman problems.

Oh, fabulous. Tell me all about it. We'll have a nice quiet evening.

Candlelit table, a few rose petals.

Our own private opera singer.

Shall we?

Nina, will you be my... Oh, please don't.

Little helper, and pass me the salt.

Thank you.

You know, there's really something I must do.

No, stop!

I've got to put a matchbox on this table. It's a little bit wobbly.

You know, you seem a little bit on edge. Is everything all right?

No, you know, I just... I misunderstood the point of this dinner, but I'm fine

now, and it's just all so romantic.

You know what would make it more romantic?

This gigantic engagement ring.

I just... Shut up, Batman.

But before you say anything else, I want to tell you that I've only proposed to

six other women in my life, and never before have I been this sober. Simon,

you... Well, fair enough, I'm a little wasted, but I love you more than I...

just stop it!

I want to, but I can't. I...

I'm married to another man.

Holy crap.

Why don't you just call him and get a divorce?

It's not that easy. I mean, he wants a kiss.

Why?

He has this ridiculous notion that if I kiss him, I'll be seduced by his

incredible charms.

So I kissed him and proved him he's wrong. That's how I got Jagger off my

But I don't want to kiss another man.

It's just a kiss.

I mean, I kiss women all the time in my videos. It means nothing.

Unless you still have feelings for this bloke. No, no, I swear I don't. Well,

actions speak louder than words.

If you really love me...

You'd have already made out with him behind my back.

Ever since I found out Jack's going to leave me some money, I'm having dreams

about killing him.

Oh, it's just a dream, Finch.

I mean, I've dreamed of killing you a million times.

Come on, I'm sure it means nothing.

Coffee, Dennis, and don't forget the sugar. Yes, Jack, coming right up.

What are you doing with Jack?

All right.

Hey, donuts.

Dude.

Dude, slow down, man. Easy on the donuts. What are you... Yeah.

You're cool, though, right?

Oh, yeah, I'm cool.

Well, technically, I haven't been cool since I got way too cool and ate a whole

ham and took a shower with my grandma.

Aaron, you got any milk?

Milk? No, but I tell you what I do got.

This will really quench your thirst.

Peanut butter on a super dry cracker.

Cool. Yeah.

Oh, there you are.

Hold on a sec. I think my dad wants to apologize to you.

Maya, I think you should know this guy's super ready to see your dad.

Dad, Andrew's here.

Andrew, good to see you.

I want to apologize. As Maya has pointed out, I jumped to some conclusions based

on your appearance. I'm sorry.

Hey, Dad.

I love you.

And I love this place.

And I love that blonde chick who gave me the donuts.

He's a keeper.

I've been expecting you.

All right, just sign the damn papers and let me get on with my life. You know my

terms. One kiss.

You bastard.

Broly, I've been in the hot tub for an hour. I mean, one of the girls showing

up.

Hey, Nina.

Listen to me.

I want to spend the rest of my life with Simon Leeds, and if kissing you is what

it takes, then I'll do it.

Wait. Simon.

This is Simon.

You were so eager to replace me, you found my doppelganger.

So, this is my arrival.

Good God, he is intoxicating.

What are you doing here?

Nina, this doesn't matter. This is crazy. You don't have to kiss him. All

matters is that we're together. Let's just leave.

Oh, Simon.

Well, I guess we're done here.

Very well. Run.

But know this.

Wherever you go, I will be squatting in the closet of your mind.

Naked and aroused.

That's it. I can't live like this anymore. Roland, I'm ready.

Ready to once again be mine.

I'm sorry, Simon. I don't relish being a dream crusher.

Nothing. What?

I felt absolutely nothing.

Impossible. Are you sure? Yes.

Well, kiss him again just in case and give his buttocks a little squeeze.

Zero.

I am finally free. Oh, great.

Now take all your clothes off and shower together.

I think we've proved our point. All right.

Sign the papers.

Come on, Ada, let's get out of this place.

No girls are showing up, are they?

Jack, I can't stand it anymore.

I read your will yesterday.

I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself. And now I know that I get a million dollars

if you die. It's messing me up. You got to write me out. I'm serious.

So what you're saying is, if I died, you'd be so upset that you wouldn't be

to live with the money.

That's how much I mean to you.

Um, yeah, sure. That works.

Well, there's only one thing for me to do.

I'm going to leave you two million.

That's right, Dennis.

I appreciate loyalty.

Hey, let's leave work right now and go out on my sailboat. Just you and me,

completely alone on the open sea.

And while we're out there, we'll shoot some skeet.

You take the gun, I'll stand in front of you and throw the clay pigeons into the

air and you just blast.

Castaway!

Come on!

Nina.

When you've lived the life that I have, you think there are no surprises left.

And then I found you.

The most remarkable, passionate, wonderful woman I've ever known.

Will you make me the happiest man on earth?

And be my wife?

Simon.

Of course I will.

Now that I've felt.

to you.

Keeps bringing me home.

It don't matter what I'm gonna do.

It's got another tone.

Life keeps bringing me back to you.