All language subtitles for Just Shoot Me s07e01 Guess Whos Coming To Blush

Okay, can we please get this meeting
started?

Dennis, where's the sweet and low?

Right here, Chief.

Just ask all the ladies.

I think he meant the other tiny pink
package.

Dad, you could just have equal.

I know I could have equal. I could have
honey, molasses, or fructose. I could

fly to Brazil, grab a machete.

And hack myself a stalk of pure cane
sugar. But I want sweet and low. But I

can't have that. Because apparently
everything I want is irrelevant.

Wow. What's the matter with him?

I'll read between the lines, you idiot.
The man really liked sweet and low.

Dad? You know, I stare at this shelf and
I think of all the time I spent trying

to win these little brass trinkets.

And I can't help but wonder... What's
the point of it all?

Why I don't have more.

Okay, what's going on?

Maya Blush is in trouble.

Our circulation's slipping. The
advertisers are bailing. We've had dips

Not like this. We're losing touch with
our readers.

The New York Post thinks we're
irrelevant.

Let me read to you exactly how
irrelevant they think we are.

Very.

Yeah, I checked every office, ransacked
the supply closet. I even had to rabbit

punch a diabetic.

But I got to sweet and low.

Dennis, it's about something a little
bigger than sweet and low.

Oh, my God.

You hate my coffee.

Hold it together.

Maya, this magazine means everything to
me, and I'm not

ready to let it fade away.

Well, how can I help?

That's just the thing.

Usually, when there's a problem, I can
reach down into my gut, and I get the

answer. But I don't know. Not this time.

I gotta get out of here.

Michelle, you're gonna have to print
these again. They're too dark.

Sorry, Elliot.

I'm just not myself.

Couldn't help noticing the lovely
Michelle seems a tad morose.

Could be time to make me move.

What are you talking about? Michelle
would never go for you.

Normally, true, but there comes a time
in every woman's life when she's so

depressed that the only thing lower than
her self -esteem is her standards.

And that, my friend, is Finchie time.

A few quick questions.

How's she doing on the job?

Not so well. Oh, future bleak.
Excellent.

Has she been visited by tragedy lately?

Her uncle just passed away. Oh.

Wanted small, wispy man to fill a huge
emotional void.

Any physical signs?

She has put on weight. Sweet.

Junk in the trunk of the pinch slam
dunk.

Okay.

Too fat for tennis, it's time for the
dentist.

You're pathetic.

Little bit of blubber, Finch buys the
rubber.

Come on, that's three right off the top.

You guys, my dad is really worried about
the magazine. I've never seen him so

upset. We've really got to roll up our
sleeves and help him turn this thing

around. Oh, Maya, dear, when a man like
Jack gets upset, it can only be about

one thing, and that is his penis.

I have got to go with Nina on this one.
No, no, it's not about that. He's

panicked because circulation is down. In
his penis. This is not a midlife

crisis. For 30 years, every time he's
had a problem, he's always been able to

come up with an answer. And this time
he's convinced that he won't be able to

reach down and find it.

Don't make me say it.

Now this.

is the real magazine business.

No board meetings, no focus groups, no
payroll.

Just you and the reader.

Pure, simple.

You, sir, are a lucky man.

In my country, I was minister of
finance.

I'll have gum.

Yeah, I'll have in style L and blush.

You know what? Forget the blush.

Thank you. Thank you, ma 'am.

Excuse me.

I couldn't help noticing that you didn't
buy the blush.

So? Well, I'm just curious, but what's
wrong with blush?

I don't know. It used to be good.

Now it sucks.

The clothes are for millionaires,
pictures aren't sexy, and you know what?

I don't need 12 ways to pick an orgasm.
You got one good one, you're covered.

You are right.

You intrigued me.

Yeah, I'm a delight.

Bye. Are you touching my arm?

I'm sorry. Look, I got a major problem.
I don't know what excites young women

anymore, and I need someone like you to
show me.

One hour.

Give you a hundred bucks.

Listen, I hear you're going through some
hard stuff right now, and I want you to

know that I'm here for you. Really?

You always seem like a self -centered
horny pig who stopped at nothing to get

laid.

On the outside.

It's nice of you to be concerned, but
I'm doing okay.

Okay? What about the dead uncle who
died?

I mean, the tragedy is so terrible.

It's been really hard, but at least he's
in a better place now. Yeah, if you

believe in that stuff.

No ball?

No, no, I shouldn't.

There's no should or shouldn't.

Only chocolatey pillows wrapped in
coconut hugs.

Oh.

You're a pig.

Ignore him. I think you're lovely.

You've got quite a little punch there,
lady.

I'm so sorry about you. I'm Mr. Gallo. I
had no idea you owned the magazine.

Forget it. You had a gut reaction, and
that's what I'm looking for.

Really? Yeah. Now, when we get up to the
office, I want you to tell my staff

exactly what you told me, except that
word you called my mother.

It may be true, but it's irrelevant.

All right, everybody, gather round.

I want you all to meet Vicki Costa.

She's going to be sitting in on our
staff meeting.

Okay. What do you got? Some great new
ideas.

And some cleverly repackaged old ones.

I guess I'll start.

I've reworked my layout. Oh, John, this
is some of Elliot's most cutting -edge

work. Maya flatters me, and with good
reason.

Okay. It's the 15th century.

Everybody's dying from the Black Plague,
except for this woman, who's dying for

Jimmy Choo shoes.

Vicki, what do you think?

I'm not really comfortable.

Oh, come on. We have no egos here,
Leonard.

Okay.

They're a little bit confusing.

She hates them. Boring, pretentious, and
artsy -fartsy.

Next.

All white. An entire issue in shades of
white. White fashions, white rooms,

and... Well, I know it's edgy and
possibly illegal.

All white people.

You can't wear white on the subway.

No, you can't. Because if I'm not
mistaken, the subway is underground and

White's out.

This is great. This is creative.

Maya, what do you got?

Okay. It's a six -part series called
Model Airplane.

Get this.

floor how the most beautiful women on
earth prepare for long flights.

We go inside the suitcases, inside the
carry -ons, even inside the makeup bags

of supermodels.

Swing and a miss.

I love this girl. I love how we're
shaking things up here. Nothing works.

Everything goes.

We're back on track.

What's wrong? Somebody die?

Was it someone close to you?

Vicki, what do you think? Vicki, what do
you think? Where did Jack get off of

letting one of his little girlfriends
criticize my photos?

I'm Elliot DeMauro. Yeah, and I'm Nina
Van Ho... That's your last name?

It's not what you think. You weren't
there this morning. If he brought this

woman in, he has a plan.

Oh, yeah, he has a plan.

Undo three buttons, pop a clasp, and
board the number two train to hoo -ha

And by that, I mean sex.

Well, thanks. I gotta get back to work.
Oh, no, you don't. I want you to work

here for Blush.

Full time.

Look. I'm coming off the worst week of
my life. I don't need some rich guy

messing with my head.

Jack, Finch here.

This one's been here longer than ten
minutes. If you want, I can call

They'll come up here with their rubber
bullets.

Who is this clown?

Miss, I have a can of mace and a coupon
for a judo lesson.

Don't make me use them.

Where am I?

Vicki, I'm serious. Something about this
feels right.

Are you nuts?

Come on, what do you say?

I'm telling you guys, he probably found
her at some hip East Village magazine.

I bet he's considering her for a
consulting position.

Oh, yeah, I know that position.

Ankles locked behind head.

And by that, I mean... Hi.

Um, who would I talk to about getting a
desk?

Why? What's going on?

Jack just hired me full time.

Oh, wow!

That's exciting!

Right, guys?

Okay, dish it. What magazine did we
steal you from?

None. I've never worked for a magazine
before.

I work in a hair salon.

A hair salon?

Sorry, I'm a little confused.

It's a place where people who have hair
go in.

See, we've all welcomed Vicki to the
team.

Come on, I'll give you a tour of the
office.

You're still on my list.

Boo!

You're lucky I don't hit girls.

So are you.

I'm petrified yet aroused. It's like a
Cher concert.

I just feel like I've hit rock bottom.

Excuse me.

I know it sounds crazy, but I feel very
close to you.

What we need is a warm, safe place where
you can feel protected.

Let's go to the supply closet.

Oh, no. I've got Oreos.

Fine.

Michelle, I just wanted to tell you the
last set of proofs.

was terrific.

Really? No, he's mocking you. You cruel,
sick man.

Now let's get you out of these
increasingly tight clothes. Not so fast.

She should know that she has a future
here.

What good is the future when Pakistan
has the bomb?

Listen, you're beautiful, you're
talented, you have a life that shines,

never forget that.

Thank you, Elliot.

Maybe life's not so bad.

Maybe there's one little sliver of hope
that things are going to be better.

Then I can't do this.

I know.

A hair girl? He hired a hair girl?

It's a slap in the face for everyone who
works at this magazine.

Damn right!

We earned our positions here!

masters in journalism from Colombia.

And I've slept with God knows how many
heavy men.

Well, my point is we both did it the
hard way.

You were so right about my father. He
just wants to sleep with her, and here

I've been defending him. Do you have any
idea how humiliating that is?

Eighteen.

What? Eighteen heavy men.

Excuse me. Maya, Jack wanted me to look
over your articles for the coming month.

Vicki, could you come sit down?

Um, I've got something that I need to
tell you that may be a little difficult

for you to hear.

The only reason that my father hired you
is because you're so attractive.

Look, I don't know if you threatened to
something.

But I'm here because he likes my ideas.

Oh, honey, open your eyes. You have no
education, no experience. You were hired

off the streets by a chronic womanizer.
Believe me, the only reason you are here

is so that my father can ride the number
three train to Hee -Haw Land.

Hoo -Haw Land. Hoo -Haw Land.

And by that, we mean sex.

Oh, there's my new girl.

Thick, horny slimeball. You disgust me.
Excuse me. I'm not used to being spoken

to like that by someone I'm not married
to.

Maya told me why you hired me. I
actually believed you wanted my

God, I'm an idiot.

Wait. Wait.

Hey.

Maya, my office right now.

What did you tell that woman?

The truth.

That you wanted to sleep with her? How
dare you?

I would never give some woman a key job
in the editorial department just because

I wanted to sleep with her.

Accounting, maybe.

Louise, why would you hire a
hairstylist?

Because she's raw, she speaks from her
gut, and she knows what readers want,

that's good for the magazine.

She's making everyone crazy.

Good. Creative people do their best work
when they're angry.

Mozart threw pastries at his cat. No, he
didn't. Maybe it was Billy Joel. I

don't care.

My point is, when it comes to hiring
people, I trust my instincts, the same

instincts I had when I hired everyone
else around here, many of whom did not

have the proper credentials, including
you.

What happened?

I think I humiliated my father and
destroyed a woman for no good reason.

If it makes you feel any better, I once
took a shower with Pavarotti.

19. 19 heavy men.

What do you want? Did you ever make a
mistake, like a really big mistake,

you were like... Screw you, Pete!

Your stuff will be out on the street,
you cheating sack of crap!

Maybe this is a bad time.

No.

I'm glad you're here.

Oh, good, because I really want to
apologize. I made such a big mistake

Grab an end.

Um, you see, I have a very complicated
history with my father. I don't know if

you've been in a lot of therapy, but I
certainly have.

Just set it down right here.

Okay.

And, um, my father and I, we have...

Thanks. So, you and this peep, a little
friction?

Hey, I heard you were down.

Oh, hey, Maya.

I brought you an apple brown Betty.
Think we can heat it up?

You're hitting on me.

You think you can slide in because I'm
down?

What? That's insane.

I'm here to support and console.

But if things get a little sweet and
funky, it's all good.

I can't. I spent all my money on a cab
to Brooklyn.

I was hoping to spend the night.

I'm sorry for being a romantic.

All right, I'll take you home. Just sit
in the corner and shut up.

So, Pete, he was your boyfriend?

Husband.

Tuesday night I came home, and I found
him in bed with my best friend.

Oh, my God.

A week ago, we were talking about
growing old together.

Here I am throwing his clothes out the
window.

What is wrong with men?

I don't know.

I hate us sometimes.

I'm so sorry. I've done things.

You know, when Jack offered me the job,
I thought maybe things were turning

around.

But let's face it.

My life doesn't happen like that.

Terrible things.

No, Vicki, I was wrong. My father, he
wasn't after you. He really thinks that

you can help us. I think you should come
back.

Who are we kidding?

You said it yourself.

I don't belong there. Neither did I when
I started. It's my dad.

He sees things in people that no one
else does.

I really trust his instincts.

I'll think about it.

You want to know the kicker?

Pete doesn't even care about Denise.

He used her for a night, and he dropped
her like a brick.

How's she taking it?

So these pictures are great, but I was
thinking maybe you could cut the side.

They seem a little distracting.

Cut the side because it's distracting?

How about my heart? Does that distract
you?

How about my liver? Should I cut that?

How about my eyes, my lungs, my arms, my
large intestines?

Surely a pile of bones can't distract
you.

Poor Elliot.

He really shouldn't take everything at
work so personally.

I'm so glad to hear you say that,
because I was looking at the clothes for

next issue, and it's just an opinion,
but they're not my favorite.

Oh, at least I have breasts.

I could never have doubted you. You know
people.

I guess I do, Maria.

Look how everyone's blending into a
team.

Look, I know we got off to a rough
start, but what do you say, clean slate?

You know what, Vicki?

On top of everything else, you make a
great cup of coffee.

You bitch.