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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,990 --> 00:00:04,060 [dramatic music] 2 00:00:04,090 --> 00:00:05,390 Hot cocoa... 3 00:00:05,430 --> 00:00:08,830 it's warm, sweet, and feels good in your tummy. 4 00:00:08,930 --> 00:00:11,240 But what doesn't feel good in your tummy? 5 00:00:11,270 --> 00:00:15,280 A sharpened moose femur wielded by a crazed ritualistic killer. 6 00:00:15,350 --> 00:00:18,620 This is the fifth animal-bone murder here in Grimsburg, 7 00:00:18,650 --> 00:00:20,690 the work of an unknown serial killer 8 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:24,159 who the media are calling... the Boner. 9 00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:25,270 [dramatic sting] 10 00:00:25,300 --> 00:00:27,910 With KGRM Homicides-On-The-Ones, 11 00:00:27,940 --> 00:00:30,610 - I'm Harmony Flute. - And I'm her ex-husband, Marvin Flute, 12 00:00:30,710 --> 00:00:32,310 Grimsburg's greatest detective who's back 13 00:00:32,340 --> 00:00:33,740 from a much-needed nervous breakdown 14 00:00:33,764 --> 00:00:37,160 - to make this town safer and handsomer. - Flute, I was just signing off. 15 00:00:37,260 --> 00:00:40,000 And I'll get my hands on this Boner, no matter how hard it gets. 16 00:00:40,030 --> 00:00:43,139 - Over to you, Hank. - Oh, you always do this. 17 00:00:43,140 --> 00:00:44,440 It's always the Flute show. 18 00:00:44,470 --> 00:00:46,310 I'm the one who gets to throw the anchor. 19 00:00:46,340 --> 00:00:48,280 And who is Hank? We don't even have a Hank. 20 00:00:48,310 --> 00:00:49,910 [scoffs] Well, you should look into getting one. 21 00:00:49,934 --> 00:00:51,320 Hank is a strong anchor name. 22 00:00:51,420 --> 00:00:54,319 Ends with a K, like the word fork, the most masculine utensil of all. 23 00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:55,890 And pork, the most masculine meat. 24 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:58,769 And of course, sink, the most masculine place to urinate. 25 00:00:58,770 --> 00:01:02,240 - How about suck? As in you. - Now you get it. 26 00:01:02,310 --> 00:01:03,710 Oh, you know who'd love this game? 27 00:01:03,734 --> 00:01:05,410 - We don't have a Hank! - Hank. 28 00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:07,950 Heh. Back to you, Hank. 29 00:01:08,050 --> 00:01:10,960 [dramatic music] 30 00:01:11,060 --> 00:01:16,960 ♪ ♪ 31 00:01:30,460 --> 00:01:32,400 "The Flute Show." Please. 32 00:01:32,500 --> 00:01:34,540 - It's not all about me, right? - Well... 33 00:01:34,541 --> 00:01:36,110 Exactly. Thank you. [clattering in distance] 34 00:01:36,210 --> 00:01:37,410 Wait, you hear that? 35 00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:39,780 [grunts] Freeze, put... 36 00:01:39,820 --> 00:01:42,620 - my hands up? - Cut! 37 00:01:42,660 --> 00:01:44,220 OK, take five, everyone. 38 00:01:44,260 --> 00:01:46,459 Well, well, Detective Flute himself. 39 00:01:46,460 --> 00:01:48,330 I'm a big fan of your work. 40 00:01:48,370 --> 00:01:50,639 Likewise... meaning, I'm a big fan of my work, 41 00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:52,469 'cause I don't know who the hell you are. 42 00:01:52,470 --> 00:01:55,079 Bertram Figg. I'm making a limited series 43 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:57,850 based on the Boner case, and you're the main character. 44 00:01:57,890 --> 00:02:00,660 I'd watch the hell out of that, even if it's on Pluto. 45 00:02:00,690 --> 00:02:02,260 Oh, God, it's not on Pluto, is it? 46 00:02:02,390 --> 00:02:04,360 Wait, that guy's supposed to be me? 47 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:06,670 You're right. Wardrobe, makeup, hair! 48 00:02:06,770 --> 00:02:09,640 We've gotta make our Flute much fatter and dumpier, please. 49 00:02:10,410 --> 00:02:12,850 - Getting closer. - [grumbles] 50 00:02:14,590 --> 00:02:15,990 ALL: Fathers! 51 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:17,160 ALL: Sons! 52 00:02:17,260 --> 00:02:18,074 - ALL: Fathers! - [sighs] 53 00:02:18,139 --> 00:02:20,260 I wish my dad had time to play with me. 54 00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:22,130 Don't worry, Stanners. 55 00:02:22,230 --> 00:02:23,990 That's what imaginary bad influences are for. 56 00:02:24,014 --> 00:02:27,239 What do you say we go loosen some bolts on the monkey bars? 57 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:30,249 Maybe we could do a little fecal graffiti. 58 00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:34,120 It's a beautiful day in the park. We can do it all. 59 00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:35,760 [all laughing] Son. 60 00:02:35,860 --> 00:02:38,569 [all laughing] Dad. 61 00:02:38,650 --> 00:02:40,480 You just sold the IP freely to this guy 62 00:02:40,580 --> 00:02:42,320 without consulting me on casting? 63 00:02:42,420 --> 00:02:44,160 Did they even go out to Miles Teller? 64 00:02:44,290 --> 00:02:45,590 He is the mustache guy right now. 65 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:47,330 Sorry, Flute, Chief needs the money 66 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:48,660 for her latest conspiracy theory. 67 00:02:48,664 --> 00:02:50,570 Yeah, I've got my eye on this tank. 68 00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:53,410 Oh, try to vaccinate me in this bad boy. 69 00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,280 But I haven't solved the case yet. 70 00:02:55,310 --> 00:02:57,419 You better, or that's what the world will see. 71 00:02:57,420 --> 00:03:00,790 It's true crime, and I take the "true" part seriously. 72 00:03:00,930 --> 00:03:01,960 That's my rule. 73 00:03:02,030 --> 00:03:05,170 That and never ask a grip where he was on January 6. 74 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:08,439 This is so cool. So who's playing me in the series? 75 00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:11,610 I get Idris Elba a lot. [chuckles] 76 00:03:11,710 --> 00:03:14,280 I didn't feel you were a vital part of the narrative, 77 00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:16,460 so in the show, Flute works alone. 78 00:03:16,490 --> 00:03:18,630 But you just said you want it to be true. 79 00:03:18,730 --> 00:03:20,929 Ah-buh-buh-buh, just true enough, 80 00:03:20,930 --> 00:03:22,599 which is why I made your character 81 00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:23,985 into a refurbished Fitbit 82 00:03:23,986 --> 00:03:26,740 that Flute never wanted and hates. 83 00:03:29,620 --> 00:03:32,050 You're the Madness Consultant on this shoot, right? 84 00:03:32,190 --> 00:03:34,090 Well, I wasn't supposed to be, 85 00:03:34,190 --> 00:03:37,200 but the psychiatrist they hired had to drop out 86 00:03:37,230 --> 00:03:40,239 because he was mysteriously poisoned. 87 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:43,610 - Such a pity. - Uh-huh, cool. 88 00:03:43,740 --> 00:03:46,450 So I was thinking of this outfit for the killer. 89 00:03:46,550 --> 00:03:48,905 Oh, God, no. He's a pathological, 90 00:03:48,906 --> 00:03:50,120 clinically disturbed maniac 91 00:03:50,190 --> 00:03:53,999 with a penchant for skeleto-zoological homicide, 92 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,499 not a dork. 93 00:03:55,500 --> 00:04:00,510 - Mmm, this looks benignly ethnic. - It's a taquito. 94 00:04:02,650 --> 00:04:05,390 Arleen, I have always believed cruelty 95 00:04:05,420 --> 00:04:07,760 was humanity's greatest gift to itself, 96 00:04:07,830 --> 00:04:11,230 but now I know that it is... 97 00:04:11,270 --> 00:04:13,399 taquitos! 98 00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:15,920 [gentle flute music] 99 00:04:16,610 --> 00:04:17,950 ♪ 100 00:04:17,980 --> 00:04:19,720 Ah! Home invasion! 101 00:04:21,650 --> 00:04:24,160 It's OK, Flute, he's the actor from the TV show. 102 00:04:24,260 --> 00:04:25,430 Kip Deegan, pleasure. 103 00:04:25,530 --> 00:04:27,300 Displeasure. Why are you in my house? 104 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:28,400 - My house. - Her house. 105 00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:29,500 It doesn't matter whose house it is. 106 00:04:29,501 --> 00:04:32,100 I just thought I'd observe you in your everyday life. 107 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:34,680 See, I'm trained in the Jeremy Strong school of acting, 108 00:04:34,710 --> 00:04:36,580 where you immerse yourself in the role 109 00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:40,259 in a way that's incredibly irritating to everyone around you. 110 00:04:40,260 --> 00:04:42,730 "Flute's Ex-Wife"? That's my character's name? 111 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:44,800 Yeah, they should change it to Hank. 112 00:04:44,830 --> 00:04:47,300 Being your ex-wife is not even in the top three 113 00:04:47,340 --> 00:04:49,040 most interesting things about me. 114 00:04:49,140 --> 00:04:50,540 One, I was raised by bears. 115 00:04:50,580 --> 00:04:52,310 Two, I'm great at parkour... 116 00:04:52,420 --> 00:04:54,060 probably because of all the climbing I did 117 00:04:54,084 --> 00:04:55,624 while I was being raised by bears. 118 00:04:55,690 --> 00:04:57,530 And six, I'm not great at numbers 119 00:04:57,560 --> 00:05:01,700 because I was homeschooled by a bunch of bears. 120 00:05:03,140 --> 00:05:04,740 Ugh, I have to go to work. 121 00:05:04,770 --> 00:05:07,179 [growling, panting] 122 00:05:07,180 --> 00:05:09,010 [phone chimes] 123 00:05:09,050 --> 00:05:10,550 Damn it, they found another body. 124 00:05:10,580 --> 00:05:13,189 - Boner alert. - Boner alert. 125 00:05:13,190 --> 00:05:16,200 No, do less. Throw the Boner away. 126 00:05:16,300 --> 00:05:18,700 Bonah aluht. Booner aloyt. 127 00:05:18,730 --> 00:05:20,300 - No, still too much. - Baner alart. 128 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:22,040 Is that Southern? I speak in... 129 00:05:22,140 --> 00:05:24,040 - Boner alert. - Midland American English. 130 00:05:24,080 --> 00:05:25,110 Eh, forget it. 131 00:05:25,180 --> 00:05:27,180 [in English accent] Just try to stay out of me way. 132 00:05:27,204 --> 00:05:29,404 [groans] Now you're in my head. 133 00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:32,629 Hey, hey, hey, you're sounding great, man. 134 00:05:32,630 --> 00:05:35,500 Uh, you may wanna explore the space a little more. 135 00:05:35,570 --> 00:05:38,770 - Thanks, Jeremy. - Please, call me Table. 136 00:05:42,360 --> 00:05:43,190 [brakes screech] 137 00:05:43,360 --> 00:05:44,660 I wiped down those shelves for you, Bertram. 138 00:05:44,690 --> 00:05:45,899 Thanks, Harv, much better. 139 00:05:46,150 --> 00:05:47,920 I was seeing a lot of fingerprints. 140 00:05:48,020 --> 00:05:49,150 Wait, he wiped the prints? 141 00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:50,719 I need those to be the hero. 142 00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:53,160 Fingerprints are the faces of the fingers. 143 00:05:53,310 --> 00:05:54,510 And nails are like the skulls. 144 00:05:54,580 --> 00:05:55,880 I think this knuckle is the butt. 145 00:05:55,884 --> 00:05:58,149 And this one... wait, why are there three bodies? 146 00:05:58,150 --> 00:06:00,320 Oh, they hired me as the corpse wrangler, 147 00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:02,590 so I'm just showing them some options. 148 00:06:02,630 --> 00:06:05,300 I scanned and cross-referenced the murder weapon, Flute. 149 00:06:05,430 --> 00:06:07,339 He's not Flute. I'm Flute. 150 00:06:07,340 --> 00:06:09,580 Wow, it's like I'm looking in a mirror. 151 00:06:09,610 --> 00:06:13,319 But you're in front of it, and I'm off to the side going, "Wow." 152 00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:17,719 - Anyway, it's a rabbit bone. - Huh, a rabbit bone. 153 00:06:17,825 --> 00:06:19,330 [echoing] A rabbit bone. A rabbit bone. 154 00:06:19,430 --> 00:06:22,570 A rabbit bone. A rabbit bone. 155 00:06:22,640 --> 00:06:24,070 [crunch] 156 00:06:24,170 --> 00:06:27,440 - Missing a bone, doc? - Nah, I don't know what you're... 157 00:06:27,540 --> 00:06:28,580 - Now you are. - [laughs] 158 00:06:28,710 --> 00:06:31,590 That's all, fol... [gurgling] 159 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:33,460 Whoa, back when I was watching cartoons, 160 00:06:33,490 --> 00:06:36,059 violence never had consequences. 161 00:06:36,060 --> 00:06:37,630 Not a match. 162 00:06:37,730 --> 00:06:40,039 Hmm, how about you, silly rabbit? 163 00:06:40,040 --> 00:06:41,210 You up to some Trix? 164 00:06:41,310 --> 00:06:43,740 - [yelps] - Are you a cereal serial killer? 165 00:06:43,744 --> 00:06:45,279 I only steal cereal, I swear! 166 00:06:45,280 --> 00:06:47,150 I can't catch a body, I have priors! 167 00:06:47,180 --> 00:06:49,960 Ah, ah! [screams] 168 00:06:50,090 --> 00:06:52,330 Nope, that's what you get for changing the flavor. 169 00:06:52,430 --> 00:06:54,199 You taste like paint now. 170 00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:57,670 Aha, Latin trap and reggaeton star Bad Bunny. 171 00:06:58,610 --> 00:07:00,440 Hey, sorry, you're not on the list. 172 00:07:00,540 --> 00:07:02,350 Seriously? I'm Marvin Flute. 173 00:07:02,410 --> 00:07:04,219 Uh, maybe I put it under one of my aliases. 174 00:07:04,220 --> 00:07:05,350 Marvin Flame? 175 00:07:05,420 --> 00:07:06,890 Fluteus Maximus? 176 00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,330 Mark Milkshack, Sour Shoes, 177 00:07:08,360 --> 00:07:10,460 Former Surgeon General C. Everett Koop. 178 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:12,599 Maybe Martin Flute? People always mess that up. 179 00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:14,480 They even misspelled it on my birth certificate. 180 00:07:14,504 --> 00:07:15,739 Wait, is that my name? 181 00:07:15,740 --> 00:07:17,610 It's OK, Flute, I talked to Bad Bunny. 182 00:07:17,650 --> 00:07:20,780 He says you should check that taxidermy shop downtown. 183 00:07:20,850 --> 00:07:23,059 Great idea, and we're in my crime mind, 184 00:07:23,060 --> 00:07:25,830 so it was my great idea. Ha! 185 00:07:27,500 --> 00:07:28,800 I'll meet you there, Flute. 186 00:07:28,830 --> 00:07:31,740 I need to stop here and cool myself down for a bit. 187 00:07:31,770 --> 00:07:35,980 Yep, just one of many very visual things I can do. 188 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:37,750 Whoa, amazing. 189 00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:40,590 Yeah, I guess to viewers it probably would be. 190 00:07:40,690 --> 00:07:43,930 No... what? Shut up. I'm talking about him! 191 00:07:44,630 --> 00:07:47,499 He's got it. Who is he? 192 00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:51,480 - [sighs] That's Lieutenant Kang. - Kang, Kang. 193 00:07:51,510 --> 00:07:53,779 That's the sound of a star bell ringing. 194 00:07:53,780 --> 00:07:56,990 I got a bell I wish he'd ring. Ding ding. 195 00:07:57,190 --> 00:07:59,209 You, I'm writing you into 196 00:07:59,210 --> 00:08:02,540 - the show, playing yourself. - OK. 197 00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:05,070 I'll start making the changes immediately. 198 00:08:05,110 --> 00:08:06,240 Do you have a pen? 199 00:08:06,340 --> 00:08:08,350 [arm whirring] 200 00:08:11,120 --> 00:08:12,990 No, I do not. 201 00:08:13,090 --> 00:08:14,560 [clicks pen] 202 00:08:14,590 --> 00:08:17,300 [slurps] [grumbles] 203 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:19,569 Come on, Stanny, walk it off. 204 00:08:19,570 --> 00:08:21,770 It was just a little parental abandonment. 205 00:08:21,810 --> 00:08:26,420 Yeah, I'm not really in the mood. Oh, hey, hey, Dad. 206 00:08:26,520 --> 00:08:29,490 Oh, sorry, I thought you were my dad. 207 00:08:29,520 --> 00:08:31,990 You're Flute's son. I'm playing your dad in the show. 208 00:08:32,070 --> 00:08:33,670 Can I ask what your relationship is like? 209 00:08:33,694 --> 00:08:37,710 - I need to become him. - Oh, well, we hang out all the time. 210 00:08:37,740 --> 00:08:42,079 What? Oh, my God, Stanjamin! You are so bad! 211 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:44,719 I guess if you really wanna know what it's like, 212 00:08:44,720 --> 00:08:47,160 maybe you and I could play catch sometime? 213 00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:49,500 Yes! Let's go play catch right now. 214 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:52,739 Really? I mean, sure, if it helps you. 215 00:08:52,740 --> 00:08:55,570 Nice, no one has ever been disappointed 216 00:08:55,610 --> 00:08:57,239 by making an actor their role model. 217 00:08:57,240 --> 00:09:02,560 Arleen, I happened to notice this is the last taquito. 218 00:09:02,660 --> 00:09:05,860 - So... - You ate the whole tray? 219 00:09:05,900 --> 00:09:08,830 [dramatic music] 220 00:09:08,870 --> 00:09:10,600 - Relinquish the taquito! - No, you've had enough. 221 00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:13,200 - The salivation has begun. - You lost your taquito privileges. 222 00:09:13,201 --> 00:09:15,371 - That is my crunchy num-num! - You're cut off! 223 00:09:15,401 --> 00:09:18,850 - No more! - You have won this round, Arleen. 224 00:09:18,890 --> 00:09:23,430 But there shall be subsequent rounds. 225 00:09:26,540 --> 00:09:29,680 [ominous music] 226 00:09:29,710 --> 00:09:33,820 ♪ ♪ 227 00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:35,349 [bell rings] 228 00:09:35,350 --> 00:09:38,489 Good evening. How can I help you? 229 00:09:38,490 --> 00:09:40,630 Hi, I recently married into a community 230 00:09:40,730 --> 00:09:42,570 where the elders throw bones in order 231 00:09:42,600 --> 00:09:45,070 to consult their ancestors. You know, to predict the future, 232 00:09:45,170 --> 00:09:47,250 for crops, where to go for brunch where the wait time 233 00:09:47,251 --> 00:09:49,051 isn't longer than the eat time... you get it. 234 00:09:49,091 --> 00:09:51,750 Anyway, I'm looking to buy a rabbit bone. 235 00:09:51,820 --> 00:09:53,220 You probably don't hear that a lot, huh? 236 00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:54,360 Unless you've heard it recently. 237 00:09:54,460 --> 00:09:56,300 And if I could just get the name of the person 238 00:09:56,360 --> 00:10:00,240 - you heard it from recently? - Someone who'd buy a rabbit bone? 239 00:10:00,270 --> 00:10:02,670 Let me think. 240 00:10:02,810 --> 00:10:03,940 Ah! 241 00:10:03,980 --> 00:10:06,880 [thrilling music] 242 00:10:06,980 --> 00:10:11,529 ♪ ♪ 243 00:10:11,530 --> 00:10:13,860 Ugh, skunk! Two Ks! 244 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:15,900 So masculine! 245 00:10:19,380 --> 00:10:20,840 Move! I need to... 246 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:25,920 Damn it. You made me lose my Boner. 247 00:10:26,050 --> 00:10:28,090 All right, Bertram, your limited streaming series 248 00:10:28,130 --> 00:10:31,330 is seriously streaming over the limit of my patience. 249 00:10:31,430 --> 00:10:34,240 - I almost had him. - Sorry, but I told them to block you. 250 00:10:34,340 --> 00:10:36,910 I had to, you're just too good and handsome at this. 251 00:10:36,940 --> 00:10:39,150 I'm getting less angry at you, go on. 252 00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:42,819 You're going too fast for my eight heavily padded episodes. 253 00:10:42,820 --> 00:10:45,230 I still need the audience to fall in love with your character, 254 00:10:45,231 --> 00:10:48,269 and to do that, they have to see someone fall in love with you. 255 00:10:48,270 --> 00:10:51,569 - I was thinking Harmony. - Ugh, doesn't she have a kid? 256 00:10:51,570 --> 00:10:53,280 People love a second chance romance. 257 00:10:53,380 --> 00:10:54,750 Look at Bennifer. 258 00:10:54,810 --> 00:10:57,150 What would Harmony and I's couple name even be? 259 00:10:57,250 --> 00:11:01,959 Marvin Flute? That actually sounds pretty good. 260 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:03,800 But it'll never work. She's too mad at me. 261 00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:05,970 Well, maybe I could help smooth things over. 262 00:11:06,100 --> 00:11:08,040 We could give you two a night out on the town 263 00:11:08,170 --> 00:11:10,680 - with a little movie magic. - Deal. 264 00:11:10,780 --> 00:11:12,520 But once I get the girl, I'm not gonna stop 265 00:11:12,550 --> 00:11:15,890 until people call me... the Boner Killer. 266 00:11:17,860 --> 00:11:21,000 And then nine months later, they have a new baby. 267 00:11:21,030 --> 00:11:23,340 Wow, honestly, I thought the nipples 268 00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:25,870 - would play a much bigger role. - So again, you and your dad 269 00:11:25,980 --> 00:11:27,780 really do all of this every Sunday? 270 00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:30,320 Yep, then we get ice cream, and we hug, 271 00:11:30,420 --> 00:11:34,020 and he teaches me to shave. I guess it's just our thing. 272 00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:36,460 [crying] You never take me for ice cream 273 00:11:36,500 --> 00:11:38,870 and hugs and teach me to shave! 274 00:11:38,970 --> 00:11:40,690 Well, you can find somewhere else to live, 275 00:11:40,714 --> 00:11:42,244 you spoiled son of a bitch! 276 00:11:45,610 --> 00:11:47,320 Again, this isn't a date. 277 00:11:47,350 --> 00:11:49,490 I only came because you got us 278 00:11:49,520 --> 00:11:54,159 into the hottest urban climbing nightspot in Grimsburg, ah! 279 00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:57,170 I just wanted you to see that it's not always the Flute show. 280 00:11:57,240 --> 00:11:59,909 Marvin Flute and guest of Marvin Flute. 281 00:11:59,910 --> 00:12:02,580 Your table is right that way. 282 00:12:04,020 --> 00:12:05,789 Uh. Whoa! 283 00:12:05,790 --> 00:12:08,659 I probably should be drinking less anyway! 284 00:12:08,660 --> 00:12:10,230 Amateur. 285 00:12:10,260 --> 00:12:12,230 [growls] 286 00:12:12,330 --> 00:12:15,540 [panting] 287 00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:18,510 Right behind you, just like when we made Stan. 288 00:12:18,550 --> 00:12:20,379 Uh, let's see, just gotta... 289 00:12:20,380 --> 00:12:23,060 Uh, no, nope. Ah, ooh, ah, ow, uh, no. 290 00:12:23,190 --> 00:12:25,160 We set up a wire rig to help you up there. 291 00:12:25,190 --> 00:12:27,200 It's the same tech they used to make NSYNC 292 00:12:27,260 --> 00:12:28,629 look like they could dance. 293 00:12:28,630 --> 00:12:31,870 So there were strings attached. Whoo! 294 00:12:31,910 --> 00:12:33,610 Whoo-hoo-hoo! [laughs] 295 00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:36,480 Oh, it's... 296 00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:38,620 Ohh, oh! 297 00:12:40,290 --> 00:12:42,529 [grunts] 298 00:12:42,530 --> 00:12:44,670 You made it up. I'm impressed. 299 00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:46,540 I've been working on my core. 300 00:12:46,570 --> 00:12:49,110 [tray clanging] 301 00:12:50,710 --> 00:12:52,610 [knocks softly] 302 00:12:56,690 --> 00:12:58,259 Can I ask you something, sir? 303 00:12:58,260 --> 00:13:02,900 Bertram said you have "it." What is it? 304 00:13:02,970 --> 00:13:05,970 [sighs] Hollywood is built on artifice, Summers. 305 00:13:06,070 --> 00:13:08,850 It's all capped teeth, surgically enhanced bodies, 306 00:13:08,950 --> 00:13:10,819 and smooth CGI perfection. 307 00:13:10,820 --> 00:13:12,249 But every once in a while, 308 00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:14,460 someone comes along who cuts through the illusion 309 00:13:14,490 --> 00:13:18,000 for one damn second, a refreshing breeze of honesty 310 00:13:18,030 --> 00:13:20,940 in a stinking town of deception. 311 00:13:21,070 --> 00:13:23,140 That is "it." 312 00:13:24,550 --> 00:13:27,035 Or maybe they just needed an Asian guy. 313 00:13:27,380 --> 00:13:29,720 OK, thanks. 314 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:32,560 - Is he here? - Does he smell good? 315 00:13:32,700 --> 00:13:35,470 Can he sign my puffer jacket? [all screaming] 316 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:38,970 - Oh, my God! - [groans] 317 00:13:40,110 --> 00:13:42,110 Oh hey, Kip, I guess these are 318 00:13:42,150 --> 00:13:44,749 the new script pages for the scene with Flute and his son. 319 00:13:44,750 --> 00:13:47,730 It's kind of a lot, but I could run lines with you. 320 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,700 Uh, fine. Let's give it a shot. 321 00:13:50,860 --> 00:13:52,730 Hey, Stan, the murderer has struck again. 322 00:13:52,830 --> 00:13:55,039 But whatever happens, I want you to know 323 00:13:55,040 --> 00:13:58,580 - that I'm proud to have you as my son. - I know that, Dad. 324 00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:00,180 [gulps] Everyone does. 325 00:14:00,250 --> 00:14:02,050 And also I don't think your cape is weird. 326 00:14:02,150 --> 00:14:04,760 It's a part of you, just like you're a part of me. 327 00:14:04,890 --> 00:14:06,730 And while I know I don't say it enough, 328 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:10,600 I'm always thinking it. I love you, Stan. 329 00:14:10,740 --> 00:14:12,269 - How was that? - Good. 330 00:14:12,270 --> 00:14:15,250 But we should run it a couple more times. 331 00:14:15,350 --> 00:14:19,149 - Kip, we need you on set. - So can we hang out again later? 332 00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:21,019 Sorry, but it's show business, 333 00:14:21,020 --> 00:14:23,459 not show affection to some weird kid. 334 00:14:23,460 --> 00:14:25,900 Ouch, can't argue with his performance, though. 335 00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,769 The way he took a whiz all over your heart, 336 00:14:27,770 --> 00:14:30,840 I mean, he's got your dad down cold. 337 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:32,309 [acoustic guitar music] 338 00:14:32,310 --> 00:14:35,050 And I gotta admit, that was really fun. 339 00:14:35,090 --> 00:14:38,060 Wait, are those salmon in the fountain? 340 00:14:38,090 --> 00:14:39,770 - How did those get there? - Oh, do you mind? 341 00:14:39,794 --> 00:14:43,500 - Please. - [growling] 342 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:46,280 - There she is. - [munching] 343 00:14:46,380 --> 00:14:48,050 - Still got it. - Yeah. 344 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:50,320 I wanted you to have a night that's all about you. 345 00:14:50,380 --> 00:14:52,050 I'm not calling the shots. 346 00:14:52,150 --> 00:14:54,090 [silently] Cue wind. 347 00:14:54,190 --> 00:14:56,530 - Ooh. - Oh, are you cold? 348 00:14:56,660 --> 00:14:58,400 Here, take my coat. 349 00:14:58,970 --> 00:15:01,889 Cue the sweet older couple who could be her and me 350 00:15:01,890 --> 00:15:04,809 in the future, if only we could get past the past. 351 00:15:04,810 --> 00:15:06,780 Oh, how cute. 352 00:15:06,820 --> 00:15:09,789 You know, they almost look like... oh, never mind, it's silly. 353 00:15:09,790 --> 00:15:11,590 [music stops] 354 00:15:11,690 --> 00:15:14,200 OK, we're on the doorstep. Cue the Jumbo. 355 00:15:14,230 --> 00:15:18,669 - Why is there a Jumbotron in the park? - So weird. 356 00:15:18,670 --> 00:15:20,110 Kiss Cam? What perverts. 357 00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:21,770 But I guess we don't wanna get a ticket. 358 00:15:21,794 --> 00:15:26,090 - Wait, did you set all of this up? - Well, I can't take all the credit. 359 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:27,990 Bertram and his team were troopers, 360 00:15:28,090 --> 00:15:30,330 executing my vision on very short notice. 361 00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:34,000 Oh! It wasn't about me. It was about you getting me. 362 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:35,870 Yeah, the hero gets the girl. 363 00:15:35,970 --> 00:15:38,210 I'm more of an anti-hero, like Aunt May. 364 00:15:38,250 --> 00:15:40,980 I'm done being part of the Flute show. 365 00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:42,950 Harmony, no, it's not the Flute show. 366 00:15:43,050 --> 00:15:44,590 [upbeat pop music playing] 367 00:15:44,690 --> 00:15:46,130 Kill the Back Together Cam. 368 00:15:46,230 --> 00:15:48,400 - Read the room. - Don't worry, I got a plan. 369 00:15:48,430 --> 00:15:51,070 No, being your muse no longer amuses me! 370 00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:52,609 Ooh, that's pretty good. You can use that. 371 00:15:52,610 --> 00:15:54,180 But that's it. I'm done with your show! 372 00:15:54,280 --> 00:15:55,849 And if you don't like it, you can kiss 373 00:15:55,850 --> 00:15:59,728 these silicone butt pads I no longer need. 374 00:16:02,690 --> 00:16:05,530 [dramatic music] 375 00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:10,580 Time to get the Boner under my belt. 376 00:16:11,140 --> 00:16:14,750 My God, it's the actor who looks nothing like me. 377 00:16:14,850 --> 00:16:17,760 [eerie music] 378 00:16:17,860 --> 00:16:23,760 ♪ ♪ 379 00:16:27,640 --> 00:16:29,210 [grunts] 380 00:16:31,890 --> 00:16:33,020 [groans] 381 00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:37,230 Fade to black 'cause Hollywood. 382 00:16:38,230 --> 00:16:40,040 Where am I? 383 00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,910 Who's that coming toward me? 384 00:16:41,940 --> 00:16:43,179 Oh, right, the killer. 385 00:16:43,180 --> 00:16:44,880 Well, I suppose it's been a good life. 386 00:16:45,010 --> 00:16:47,420 I wish I'd danced more. 387 00:16:47,450 --> 00:16:50,060 You idiot, you're supposed to cut me, not the rope. 388 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:51,429 - So tie me back up... - No, look, 389 00:16:51,430 --> 00:16:53,190 I may have murdered a bunch of people, 390 00:16:53,260 --> 00:16:54,970 but I wasn't the one who trapped you. 391 00:16:55,070 --> 00:16:57,639 And I didn't murder that good-looking British actor either. 392 00:16:57,640 --> 00:17:00,180 - It was that director. - Bertram? Ridiculous. 393 00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:03,720 Let me just ask, does this sound like real bone to you? 394 00:17:03,820 --> 00:17:04,820 [dull clacking] 395 00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:07,820 [mysterious music] 396 00:17:07,860 --> 00:17:10,600 ♪ ♪ 397 00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:13,370 Epoxy resin, like the kind used by Hollywood... 398 00:17:13,470 --> 00:17:15,070 - Hollywood prop... - Prop makers, I said it first. 399 00:17:15,110 --> 00:17:16,479 Bertram got worried I'd catch you too soon, 400 00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:19,920 so he sidelined you and started to carry out the killings himself. 401 00:17:19,950 --> 00:17:21,820 - That can't be union. - Exactly. 402 00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:23,659 So we need to get out of here fast. 403 00:17:23,660 --> 00:17:26,500 - Now, I have a plan. - No, here's how it's gonna go: 404 00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:28,230 You bang on the door, and say you need a doctor. 405 00:17:28,330 --> 00:17:29,490 You popped one of your balls. 406 00:17:29,514 --> 00:17:30,940 It sounds big, but it happens a lot. 407 00:17:30,970 --> 00:17:32,910 You sit down wrong, you catch an edge on a bar stool, 408 00:17:32,980 --> 00:17:33,810 you're bent over trying to cuff a perp 409 00:17:33,811 --> 00:17:37,350 and you accidentally, I don't know, back into a doorknob. 410 00:17:37,380 --> 00:17:39,489 Anyway, I will be standing behind the door 411 00:17:39,490 --> 00:17:42,430 with two totally working, perfectly intact testicles 412 00:17:42,530 --> 00:17:45,130 - ready to heroically... - OK, then, I guess we're just doing 413 00:17:45,154 --> 00:17:48,722 - whatever Flute wants. - Hmm, maybe Harmony was 414 00:17:48,757 --> 00:17:50,880 right about me always having to make it about me. 415 00:17:50,940 --> 00:17:53,620 Whoa, I just said "about me" twice in that sentence about me. 416 00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:55,090 Wow, a third one, but that's like 417 00:17:55,190 --> 00:17:56,320 when you eat Oreos and no one is looking. 418 00:17:56,460 --> 00:17:59,230 It doesn't count, right? Let's try it your way. 419 00:17:59,260 --> 00:18:01,800 You were saying something about blah, blah, blah? 420 00:18:01,830 --> 00:18:04,740 [church organ playing] 421 00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:07,280 ♪ ♪ 422 00:18:07,380 --> 00:18:09,850 Uh, just making sure you have enough. 423 00:18:09,980 --> 00:18:12,289 Yes, these will suffice for now. 424 00:18:12,290 --> 00:18:15,529 And I'm so happy to hear your mother's doing all right. 425 00:18:15,530 --> 00:18:19,400 That gas leak in her condo must have been quite alarming. 426 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:24,580 I certainly hope it doesn't happen again. Fingers crossed. 427 00:18:24,610 --> 00:18:27,350 ♪ ♪ 428 00:18:27,420 --> 00:18:30,390 Kip Deegan was many things... an actor, 429 00:18:30,420 --> 00:18:33,130 a pretend detective, a friend. 430 00:18:33,230 --> 00:18:36,330 I'll never forget the times we shared. 431 00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:41,210 Who the hell is this? I'm his wife. 432 00:18:41,310 --> 00:18:43,310 And they said I wasn't allowed to speak. 433 00:18:43,350 --> 00:18:46,889 As you can see, Kip didn't just play my father, 434 00:18:46,890 --> 00:18:48,430 he was a father figure to me. 435 00:18:48,530 --> 00:18:51,300 He brought me into his life, paid attention to me, 436 00:18:51,330 --> 00:18:52,885 made me feel special, 437 00:18:52,886 --> 00:18:54,440 and then disappeared. 438 00:18:54,540 --> 00:18:59,379 But maybe that's what all dads do, at least to me. 439 00:18:59,380 --> 00:19:00,520 [all gasping] 440 00:19:00,580 --> 00:19:02,580 And I've got some blocking for you, Mr. Director. 441 00:19:02,604 --> 00:19:06,059 - Hands up. - Kip's alive! 442 00:19:06,060 --> 00:19:08,530 No, this guy's way more out of shape. 443 00:19:08,670 --> 00:19:09,500 [laughter] 444 00:19:09,640 --> 00:19:13,070 All right, all right, I'll put my hand up with a gun in it! 445 00:19:13,170 --> 00:19:15,810 - [gasps] - Yes, I killed him. 446 00:19:15,850 --> 00:19:17,150 But I meant to kill you. 447 00:19:17,180 --> 00:19:19,189 It would have given me the shocking twist 448 00:19:19,190 --> 00:19:21,790 that my series needed to get serious buzz, 449 00:19:21,890 --> 00:19:23,359 maybe a "Vulture" article. 450 00:19:23,360 --> 00:19:25,330 But this... this is gonna be better. 451 00:19:25,370 --> 00:19:28,740 We'll get your death in an even more dramatic way, 452 00:19:28,770 --> 00:19:30,780 an armed standoff. 453 00:19:30,810 --> 00:19:32,410 [crowd murmuring] 454 00:19:32,450 --> 00:19:34,790 OK, so, on the show, there'll be a funeral 455 00:19:34,890 --> 00:19:36,320 for the actor from the show? 456 00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:38,440 I mean, yeah, it's gonna be layered, sort of like... 457 00:19:38,464 --> 00:19:40,900 I mean, not "Inception." Did you see "Inception"? 458 00:19:41,000 --> 00:19:43,170 A lot of people didn't get it. I got it, personally. 459 00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:45,010 Hey, no more questions! 460 00:19:45,110 --> 00:19:49,210 Time to go ahead with my shot list. And you are at the top. 461 00:19:49,250 --> 00:19:50,970 Damn it, this wasn't how I saw this going. 462 00:19:50,994 --> 00:19:53,989 But luckily, I'm not the only one with a plan. 463 00:19:53,990 --> 00:19:55,590 [roars] 464 00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:59,700 [machine humming] 465 00:19:59,730 --> 00:20:02,110 Not bad for a Fitbit, huh? 466 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:09,249 - You saved us. [sighs] - [groans] 467 00:20:09,360 --> 00:20:11,570 I guess you were right, it's not the Flute show. 468 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,509 Oh, good to hear you finally say it. 469 00:20:13,510 --> 00:20:15,710 Yeah, it's more like the Flute and friends show. 470 00:20:15,740 --> 00:20:18,619 I'm still the main draw, but you guys help some too. 471 00:20:18,620 --> 00:20:20,620 I mean, if this maniac was able to put aside 472 00:20:20,650 --> 00:20:22,720 his homicidal tendencies for the sake of teamwork... 473 00:20:22,820 --> 00:20:24,120 - [screams] - Ahh! 474 00:20:24,130 --> 00:20:28,000 Oh, boy, never mind. This Boner won't quit. 475 00:20:28,100 --> 00:20:31,040 [light music] 476 00:20:31,140 --> 00:20:34,350 - I heard your speech in the coffin. - Oh, you did? 477 00:20:34,380 --> 00:20:36,520 Seems like that Kip guy was kind of a jerk. 478 00:20:36,550 --> 00:20:39,420 Yeah, and he didn't even look or sound like you. 479 00:20:39,530 --> 00:20:41,630 Thank you. That's what I've been saying. 480 00:20:41,660 --> 00:20:44,130 Oh, boy, someone just earned himself some ice cream. 481 00:20:44,230 --> 00:20:47,370 Really? He was a pretty bad actor too. 482 00:20:47,410 --> 00:20:50,650 I mean, terrible. Just an all-around piece of crap. 483 00:20:50,680 --> 00:20:53,120 That's my dead husband you're talking about. 484 00:20:53,250 --> 00:20:55,489 Well, I hope his performance was better in bed. 485 00:20:55,490 --> 00:20:56,590 Up top. 486 00:20:56,630 --> 00:20:57,990 [both laugh] 487 00:21:00,710 --> 00:21:02,670 NARRATOR: This summer... 488 00:21:02,710 --> 00:21:04,750 [siren wailing] Please, I'm a minister. 489 00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:10,119 - Then you better start praying. - Power grid disabled. 490 00:21:10,120 --> 00:21:11,990 This city's out of control. 491 00:21:12,030 --> 00:21:13,800 Someone's got to do something about it. 492 00:21:13,900 --> 00:21:16,130 [dramatic music] 493 00:21:16,170 --> 00:21:19,540 NARRATOR: Only one man can stop the madness. 494 00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:20,940 ♪ ♪ 495 00:21:21,010 --> 00:21:22,980 [tires screeching] 496 00:21:23,020 --> 00:21:25,804 That flight's been canceled. 497 00:21:28,020 --> 00:21:29,900 [squealing] 498 00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,661 He's got it. 499 00:21:33,402 --> 00:21:36,402 sync & correction by f1nc0 -- Addic7ed.com -- 38286

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