Original subtitles

- ALL RIGHT, EMMA, I'LL DO IT IN THE MORNING.

CANCEL MY MEETING, OKAY?

ALL RIGHT, WELL, I'LL DO IT TONIGHT.

CANCEL MY SLEEP. CAN I GO NOW?

ALL RIGHT, I-I'M HANGING UP, GOOD-BYE.

- HI. - [sighs]

I'M SO SORRY I'M LATE. TAYLOR FOR TWO.

SHE'S PROBABLY ALREADY HERE.

- ACTUALLY, SHE'S LATE TOO.

- YOU'RE KIDDING? THANK GOD.

- WE HAD TO GIVE YOUR TABLE AWAY,

BUT ANOTHER ONE SHOULD BE READY SOON.

- NO PROBLEM. - I'M SO SORRY I'M LATE.

TRAFFIC WAS CRAZY.

- PLEASE, I JUST GOT HERE MYSELF.

THEY HAD TO GIVE OUR TABLE AWAY THOUGH.

- ACTUALLY, A TABLE JUST OPENED UP,

BUT IT'S RIGHT NEXT TO THE BATHROOM

AND IT'S A LITTLE BIT OF A SQUEEZE.

IS THAT OKAY?

- I ONLY HAVE THE SITTER TILL 10:00.

OH, IT WAS A CRAZY DAY. - YEAH?

- YEAH, MY DAUGHTER WANTED TO HAVE WORN

DIFFERENT SHOES YESTERDAY.

SO I SPENT THE WHOLE MORNING TRYING TO EXPLAIN

THE SPACE-TIME CONTINUUM TO HER,

AND THEN I HAD FOUR PRESENTATIONS,

SO YOU MAY HAVE TO DO ALL THE TALKING TONIGHT.

- AS LONG AS YOU'RE OKAY TALKING ABOUT RECALLED BASS,

BECAUSE THAT'S ALL I'VE BEEN TALKING ABOUT ALL DAY.

BY THE WAY, IF THEY HAVE BASS, DON'T ORDER IT, BECAUSE, UH,

IT'S FULL OF RADIATION.

- IS THIS GONNA BE OKAY?

- OH, YES, THIS IS FINE. - THANKS.

- AND I'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH YOUR MENUS.

- THANK YOU. - GREAT.

- ALL RIGHT.

HERE WE ARE, HUH? - FINALLY.

- OH, I'M SO SORRY I DIDN'T CALL SOONER.

I'M A LITTLE VAGUE ON THOSE RULES.

- OH, IT'S OKAY. IT'S FINE.

JUST DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY

IF I NAP THROUGH THE APPETIZER COURSE.

- I COULD SET AN ALARM FOR THE ENTREES.

- OR WE COULD JUST GO HOME AND SLEEP.

- WE...WE COULD...

- [laughs]

- YOU--YOU ARE JOKING RIGHT?

- YES.

- PARDON ME.

- I DO ONLY HAVE 1:10 TILL THE SITTER'S GOTTA LEAVE.

- I STILL HAVE TO GO HOME AND BEDAZZLE MY DAUGHTER'S

WIZARD SHOES, SO...

- HERE ARE YOUR MENUS...

AND TONIGHT'S SPECIAL IS A FRESH BASS.

- OKAY, I THINK--

- ACTUALLY WE'RE GONNA CALL IT A NIGHT.

- WE ARE. SO SORRY.

- OKAY, WE'LL SEE YOU SOON.

- WELL, AT LEAST WE'LL ALWAYS HAVE

WHEN SHE BROUGHT US THOSE MENUS.

[bluesy rock]

- * HELP ME, BABY, IF YOU CAN *

* SOMETIMES IT'S MORE

* THAN I CAN STAND

* HELP ME, BABY

* IF YOU CAN

* OH, HELP ME

* OH, YEAH

- OKAY, THAT'S GREAT.

NOW GIVE ME ONE MORE.

OKAY, RAISE THOSE. GREAT.

BEAUTIFUL. BEAUTIFUL.

OKAY, RAISE THOSE.

- NOT YOUR TYPICAL RAISIN CAMPAIGN, I'LL GIVE YOU THAT.

- IT'S ARGININE, IT'S A CHEMICAL THAT'S FOUND IN RAISINS

THAT'S REPUTED TO ENHANCE SEXUAL PERFORMANCE.

I CANNOT BELIEVE NOBODY'S THOUGHT OF THIS BEFORE.

- GET THE RAISINS HIGHER.

- SO YOU'RE REALLY NOT GONNA GO OUT WITH HER AGAIN?

- WHEN? I'M EXHAUSTED EVERY WEEKNIGHT.

I'M BUSY ALL WEEKEND WITH MY KIDS.

BESIDES, YOU KNOW, THE DATING THING IS TOO COMPLICATED FOR ME.

LOGISTICS, AND THE POLITICS, AND THE ETIQUETTE.

WHEN DO YOU CALL? WHEN DO YOU NOT CALL?

ALL IN THE SLIGHT CHANCE

THAT YOU'RE GONNA CONNECT WITH SOMEONE,

EVEN SLIGHTER CHANCE THAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY GONNA

HAVE SEX WITH THEM. I'M JUST--I'M DONE.

I'M JUST GONNA STAY HOME TONIGHT.

I'M GONNA DO MY LAUNDRY,

AND I'M GONNA WATCH TWISTER SEEKERS.

- DO YOU REMEMBER YOU USED TO MOCK ME

FOR STAYING IN AND WATCHING HOARDERS?

- YEAH, 'CAUSE THAT WAS HOARDERS.

YOU KNOW WHAT THEY DO ON TWISTER SEEKERS?

- SEEK TWISTERS?

- THEY SEEK TWISTERS. THAT'S WHAT THEY DO.

ANYWAY, GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR SOFTCORE SHOOT.

- THANK YOU.

OKAY, I'M SEEING NIP.

THOSE AREN'T THE RAISINS THAT WE WANT.

EDGE OF PEPPERONI, FINE.

UH, WE CAN AIRBRUSH OUT THE--

- HELEN?

- [gasps] MELISSA?

OH, MY GOD! - HI!

- HOW ARE YOU? YOU LOOK GREAT!

- SO DO YOU! - OHH.

- BUT I MEAN, LIKE I SHOULD BE SURPRISED.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING NOW?

- UH, THIS, ACTUALLY.

I'M IN P.R. NOW.

YEAH, RAISINS, CURRENTLY.

- OH...

IT'S SO FUNNY, I WAS JUST

TALKING WITH JOANNA SCHULTZ ABOUT YOU--REMEMBER HER

FROM THE PINK PANTHERS? - YES.

- WE WERE GUESSING YOU'D BE, LIKE,

A LAWYER FIGHTING DISCRIMINATION

OR A MUCKRAKING JOURNALIST OR SOMETHING.

- NOPE. JUST THIS.

SO WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?

- OH, THIS AND THAT.

I MANAGE A WOMEN'S HEALTH CLINIC,

DO A LITTLE VOLUNTEER WORK.

YOU KNOW, DOING WHAT I CAN. - YEAH, YEAH.

- WE GOT THIS LOOK, SO NOW WE JUST GOTTA COVER

THEIR BODIES IN HONEY AND HAVE THEM ROLL

AROUND THE RAISIN PIT.

- GREAT.

- WELL...YOU'RE BUSY.

SO NICE TO SEE YOU, HELEN.

- YEAH, YOU TOO.

- BYE. - TAKE CARE.

- WHO'S THAT?

- A FRIEND FROM COLLEGE WHO I NOW DISGUST.

- WHAT? YOU'RE WAY BETTER LOOKING THAN HER.

- HELEN, THIS IS MARVELOUS WORK.

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THEM.

WHAT WERE THEY FOR AGAIN?

- OREGON RAISINS COUNCIL.

WE'RE PITCHING THEM A NEW MEDIA STRATEGY ON MONDAY.

- CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT YOU DO

IF WE EVER SIGN THE MELON GROVES COUNCIL.

- THAT'S FUNNY.

- HELEN, IF YOU DON'T NEED ANYTHING, I'M LEAVING.

- OH, EMMA.

UH, WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THESE?

- PERSONALLY OR PROFESSIONALLY?

- PROFESSIONALLY.

- AWESOME. - AND PERSONALLY?

- AWESOME.

I MEAN, YOU'RE MY BOSS. WHAT DO YOU EXPECT ME TO SAY?

- THAT THEY MIGHT STRIKE YOU AS OFFENSIVE

AND DEMEANING TO WOMEN.

AND WHAT ARE WE DOING?

AND HOW DID WE LET THIS HAPPEN?

AND WHAT IS HAPPENING TO US?

- ARE YOU SHROOMING?

- NO.

BUT I COULD USE A DRINK.

- OH, REALLY?

- YOU OUT OF DRYER SHEETS?

- I'VE BEEN BURGLARIZED.

- TAKE ONE OF MINE.

- OH, THANK YOU. - MM-HMM.

- JULIE, RIGHT? - YEAH.

AND YOU ARE...

ALEX. - YEAH.

THANK YOU.

- DO YOU HAVE BIG PLANS TONIGHT?

- OH, HUGE.

I'M GONNA STAY IN AND WATCH TWISTER SEEKERS.

- LOVE THAT SHOW,

BUT MY STUPID CABLE'S OUT.

- OH, WELL, YOU'RE WELCOME TO COME WATCH AT MY PLACE.

I MEAN, I DO OWE YOU ONE.

- I COULD DO THAT.

- SHE WAS ALL JUDGY.

LIKE, BY COVERING A NEARLY NAKED WOMAN

WITH RAISINS AND HONEY, I WAS THROWING MY WHOLE GENDER

UNDER THE BUS.

I MEAN, I HAVE IDEALS. I WAS A PINK PANTHER.

- IF THAT'S AN IMPROV GROUP, I'M RE-EVALUATING OUR RELATIONSHIP.

- IT WAS A FEMINIST GROUP.

- YOU WERE IN A FEMINIST GROUP?

- YES.

I MEAN, UNTIL I GOT THROWN OUT ON A SHAVING VIOLATION.

I MEAN, I WANTED TO MAKE THE WORLD A BETTER PLACE.

- WELL, CAN'T YOU JUST COME UP WITH A DIFFERENT IDEA?

LIKE, WHAT ABOUT FEMALE SUPERHEROES?

- OH, THAT IS THE MOST BLATANT EXAMPLE

OF FEMALE OBJECTIFICATION.

I MEAN, THOSE OUTFITS?

AND WHY DOESN'T A SINGLE ONE OF THEM HAVE SMALL BOOBS?

- WHAT ABOUT AMELIA EARHART?

SHE HAD SMALL BOOBS.

- YES. LIKE THAT.

WHY CAN'T WE FEATURE ICONIC WOMEN WHO HAVE

CHANGED THE WORLD IN THEIR OWN WAYS?

UH, SUSAN B. ANTHONY.

FRIDA KAHLO.

ACHIEVE! INSPIRE!

THIS IS OUR CHANCE TO MAKE A POSITIVE DIFFERENCE.

WE SHOULD SEIZE IT!

- I GET THAT YOU'RE EXCITED,

BUT YOU'RE KIND OF YELLING AT ME ABOUT RAISINS.

- SO MUCH TO DO.

ANYONE GOT A TITILLATING STORY FROM THE WEEKEND

TO DELAY GETTING ON WITH IT? ALEX?

- UH, ALEX HAD A ROMANTIC FRIDAY EVENING

WITH HIS TELEVISION. - OH, FILTHY I HOPE.

- HE'S GIVEN UP ON RELATIONSHIPS.

- WELL, JUST FOR NOW.

- HE'S TURNED OVER HIS BADGE AND HIS GUN TO THE SEX SERGEANT.

I SHOULD CLARIFY, BY "GUN" I MEAN PENIS.

- I'VE TURNED IN NOTHING.

I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I ACTUALLY,

UH, VERY MUCH STILL A MEMBER OF THE SEX POLICE DEPARTMENT,

OR WHATEVER YOUR TORTURED METAPHOR IS.

- COME ON, ALEX, I-I-I'M SENSING A TIDBIT.

- REALLY, I SPENT A VERY PLEASANT FRIDAY EVENING

WITH MY TELEVISION AND A LOVELY YOUNG LADY

WHO LIVES IN THE BUILDING.

- YEAH, SON!

- OH, PLEASE, DON'T CALL ME "SON."

- CONTINUE, ALEX, MY OLD CHAP,

AND PLEASE, FEEL FREE TO RE-ENACT WITH A COWORKER.

- I'LL JUST USE WORDS, IF THAT'S OKAY,

AND NOT MUCH TO TELL, REALLY.

JUST WE WATCHED TV, WE ORDERED A PIZZA,

AND THEN WE GOT, UH, PRETTY FRIENDLY ON THE COUCH THERE.

AND THEN SHE WALKED DOWN THE HALL, AND THAT WAS IT.

AND I GOT TO WEAR SWEATS THE WHOLE WEEKEND,

AND THE SAME THING HAPPENED SATURDAY AND SUNDAY.

IT WAS PRETTY-- PRETTY DARN GREAT.

- NEIGHBS WITH BENEFITS. THE DREAM SCENARIO.

- BEATS THE HECK OUT OF DATING, I'LL TELL YOU THAT RIGHT NOW.

- ARE YOU SURE YOU CAN HANDLE A CASUAL RELATIONSHIP?

- WELL, I WAS IN ONE BEFORE, IT WORKED OUT JUST FINE.

- OH, YOU DIDN'T GET OVERLY ATTACHED AND EMBARRASS YOURSELF?

- OH, ACTUALLY, I'D LIKE TO HEAR MORE ABOUT THAT.

- ACTUALLY, YOU WOULDN'T, STEPHEN.

THE SEX WAS, UH, VERY VANILLA.

- WHAT A WASTE.

- MMM. - MMM.

[knock at door]

- HI, STEPHEN. DO YOU HAVE A SEC?

- I HAVE LOTS OF SEX.

[laughs]

LET ME WRITE THAT DOWN.

- OH, GOOD. ACTUALLY, ON THAT SUBJECT...

UM, EMMA AND I WERE JUST DISCUSSING

THE OREGON RAISIN COUNCIL STRATEGY, AND WE WERE WONDERING

IF WE WERE ON THE RIGHT TRACK HERE.

- IN THAT IT IS A BIT OFFENSIVE TO WOMEN.

- YEAH, UM, MAYBE A LITTLE.

- A BIT OFFENSIVE?

IT'S COMPLETELY OFFENSIVE. THAT'S THE POINT.

- WELL, OUR POINT IS,

DO WE NEED TO OFFEND WOMEN TO SELL RAISINS?

WAIT, WHAT AM I DOING?

YOU DON'T RESPECT WOMEN.

- THAT'S NOT TRUE.

MY DAUGHTER VIOLET IS THE ONLY ONE OF MY CHILDREN

WHO IS NOT AN ODDITY OR A WRITE-OFF.

AND BECAUSE OF HER, I AM VERY RESPECTFUL OF WOMEN'S ISSUES.

- WELL, HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN YOUR JOB TO VIOLET?

- I DON'T.

- AH.

- MUCH AS I ADORE VIOLET, I ALSO ADORE MONEY,

AND SEX SELLS.

IN SOME COUNTRIES FOR A VERY REASONABLE PRICE, BUT I DIGRESS.

YES.

- WELL, WE JUST THOUGHT WE COULD GIVE

THE RAISIN COUNCIL SOME OPTIONS.

- OF COURSE.

- REALLY? - ABSOLUTELY.

ME TOO.

I'VE ACTUALLY BEEN ON THE PHONE SINCE I SAID "I DIGRESS."

KEEP THE PITCH AS-IS, AND THANKS FOR COMING BY.

- EXCUSE ME, WHAT IF I DECIDED THAT I'M NOT BACKING DOWN?

WHAT IF I SAID THAT I'M GONNA MAKE A DIFFERENCE,

NO MATTER WHAT YOU--

[laughing]

- YOU CAN BRING THEM ON THE PLANE

IF YOU PUT THEM IN DIAPERS.

[laughing]

[knock at door]

- AH, ENTER.

- HELLO. - HEY.

FILE'S RIGHT THERE ON THE SHELF.

- DANKE.

OH, LOOK AT YOU IN YOUR I-DON'T-HAVE-TO-TRY PANTS.

- PANTS ARE SO LABOR-INTENSIVE, I FIND.

- SINCE WHEN DO YOU DRINK ALONE?

THAT'S MY THING.

- I FOUND IT IN THE BATHROOM. - OH, I'M AN IDIOT.

- OH, HI. I'M JULIE.

- OH, IT'S SO NICE TO MEET YOU, I'M HELEN.

- HELEN AND I WORK TOGETHER. - OH, HEY.

I'M SORRY WE DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO CLEAN UP.

- OH, THERE'S NO REASON THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE

TO APOLOGIZE FOR THAT.

[microwave beeping]

OH, ALEX, YOU FINALLY GOT A MICROWAVE.

- OH, THAT'S JULIE'S ACTUALLY.

- YEAH, I BROUGHT IT OVER HERE

BECAUSE WE EAT A LOT OF POPCORN WHEN WE WATCH TV.

- AND WE WATCH A LOT OF TV.

- OOH, SPEAKING OF, YOU KNOW WE RAN OUT OF CHERRY GARCIA.

- OH, I TOTALLY FORGOT, I'M SORRY.

- KNOW WHAT? THAT'S OKAY.

I'M GONNA GO ON A GROCERY RUN.

WHAT ELSE DO WE NEED?

- UH, COFFEE... OH, AND SOAP.

- OKAY.

LATER. - OH, SURE.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

- WHAT?

- DO WE NEED ANYTHING?

YOU REALIZE YOU'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP?

- NO, I'M NOT, I'M IN A CASUAL THING

WITH SOMEONE WHO LIVES DOWN THE HALL.

- UH, YOU SLEEP TOGETHER, YOU'RE WEARING PAJAMAS,

AND SHE'S MOVING APPLIANCES INTO YOUR APARTMENT.

THIS IS NOT A "THING," THIS IS A RELATIONSHIP.

YOU TWO ARE LIVING TOGETHER.

- ONE APPLIANCE, FOR CONVENIENCE.

SERIOUSLY, ALL WE DO IS HANG OUT,

NOT REALLY TALK TO EACH OTHER,

AND WATCH OUR FAVORITE TV SHOW.

OH, MY GOD. WE'RE IN A RELATIONSHIP.

- SO WE JUST WANTED TO SEE IF YOU WERE OPEN TO HEARING

THIS OTHER APPROACH, WHERE WE PROMOTE OREGON RAISINS

USING POSITIVE AND SOCIALLY CONSCIOUS WAYS.

- SURE, SURE.

LOOK, WHATEVER HELPS WITH JOB NUMBER ONE:

CRUSHING THOSE CALIFORNIA RAISINS.

- OF COURSE, AND PROMOTING POSITIVE IMAGES OF WOMEN.

- THEY CAN BURN.

- HE'S TALKING ABOUT CALIFORNIA RAISINS.

- NOT WOMEN. NO, I RESPECT WOMEN.

- OH. [all laugh]

- IT'S AN INTERESTING CONCEPT.

WHY DON'T WE SLEEP ON IT?

- SOUNDS GREAT. - REALLY GREAT.

- YOU KNOW WHAT SOUNDS GREAT?

FEMALE EMPOWERMENT AND RAISINS.

TOGETHER.

- UH, JULIE?

IS THAT YOUR TOOTHBRUSH IN THERE?

- YEAH, I FIGURED I WOULD JUST LEAVE ONE HERE

SO I DON'T HAVE TO KEEP ON RUNNING BACK AND FORTH.

- RIGHT.

UM...

I THINK THAT WE SHOULD MAYBE HAVE A TALK.

- SURE. LET'S HAVE A CHAT.

- WELL, THIS IS GONNA BE A TALK,

A LITTLE MORE SERIOUS THAN A CHAT, WELL--

I'LL SIT DOWN FOR THIS.

UH, LIKE, I'VE REALLY ENJOYED

SPENDING TIME WITH YOU OVER THE PAST...WEEK.

UH, JUST, YOU KNOW, DOING STUFF AND WATCHING TV, WHATEVER,

BUT, UM, THINGS HAVE KIND OF PROGRESSED, YOU KNOW?

AND I THINK THEY'VE GONE A LITTLE FASTER

THAN I'M COMFORTABLE WITH.

AND THIS IS NOT YOU AT ALL, THIS IS TOTALLY ME, OKAY?

BUT I THINK THAT, IN THE INTEREST OF OUR MUTUAL...

WHATEVER, THAT WE SHOULD PROBABLY, UM...

BREAK UP? I GUESS?

- BREAK UP?

SO YOU MEAN, LIKE, NOT HOOK UP ANYMORE?

- Y-YEAH.

- OKAY.

- THAT'S IT? "OKAY"?

- YEAH.

WAIT, BUT YOU STILL WANT TO WATCH TWISTER SEEKERS THOUGH,

RIGHT?

- WELL, I DON'T KNOW. YOU THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA?

- SURE. I MEAN, WE'RE JUST HANGING OUT.

- JUST HANGING OUT. YEAH.

NO, I GOT NO PROBLEM HANGING OUT.

- COOL.

- SO HOW'S YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND?

OH, I'M SORRY, IS SHE YOUR FIANCEE BY NOW?

- ACTUALLY, WE BROKE UP.

- REALLY? - YEP.

- TALK ABOUT BREAKUPS.

WHEN MY C.O. AND I BROKE UP,

EVERYONE WANTED TO GIVE ME MY SPACE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I NEEDED? THIS.

THIS. TALKING. COMMUNICATING.

- OH. - OH.

- SO WHAT HAPPENED? - OH, NOTHING.

REALLY, IT WAS NO BIG DEAL.

I MEAN, SHE WAS VERY NICE, BUT IT WAS TOTALLY CASUAL, YOU KNOW?

THE ONLY THING WE HAD IN COMMON

WAS WE LIKED THE SAME TELEVISION SHOW.

- OUR SHOW WAS DHARMA & GREG.

THEY WERE AN ODD COUPLE.

- IS IT WEIRD WHEN YOU SEE HER AROUND THE BUILDING?

- NO, NO. SHE'S STATIONED IN SEOUL.

- SO IS IT WEIRD WHEN YOU SEE HER AROUND THE BUILDING?

- NOT AT ALL.

IN FACT, IT MADE A PERFECT SITUATION EVEN MORE PERFECT.

AFTER WE BROKE UP, WE JUST HUNG OUT,

ORDERED CHINESE, AND HAD COMMITMENT-FREE SEX.

- SO YOU BROKE UP, BUT ABSOLUTELY NOTHING HAS CHANGED?

- NO, IT'S TOTALLY DIFFERENT.

BEFORE WE WERE HOOKING UP, NO, NOW WE'RE JUST HANGING OUT.

- WHOA, WAIT. HANGING OUT?

- YOU'RE NOT HOOKING UP ANYMORE?

- DUDE, HANGING OUT IS WAY BETTER.

- WITHOUT THE HOOKING UP, WHAT IS THERE?

YOU'RE JUST HANGING OUT.

- WELL, WE'RE STILL HAVING SEX.

- DID SHE SLEEP OVER?

- YEAH, BUT JUST BE--

- DOES SHE HAVE A KEY TO YOUR APARTMENT?

- YEAH, BUT JUST 'CAUSE WE DON'T WANT TO GET LOCKED OUT.

OKAY, YOU KNOW, I SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE.

YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS?

YOUR TOO STUCK IN THE OLD STRUCTURED DATING WORLD

TO SEE THIS WHOLE OTHER SIDE OF THINGS.

- THE RULES HAVE CHANGED.

- THE RULES ARE: THERE ARE NO RULES.

- WHICH IS * AWESOME

- FOR SOME.

- LOOK, YOU'VE BEEN OUT OF THE GAME FOR QUITE A WHILE.

BELIEVE ME, THINGS HAVE EVOLVED.

- MAYBE PETE AND I WERE JUST HANGING OUT,

AND I DIDN'T KNOW IT BECAUSE I'M NOT AS EVOLVED AS YOU.

- AH, WELL, I'M GLAD TO HEAR YOU FINALLY ADMIT THAT.

- HEY.

I THINK WE REALLY NAILED IT YESTERDAY.

I HAVE A REALLY GOOD FEELING ABOUT THIS.

- I KNOW WE NAILED IT.

BRAD TOLD ME.

- BRAD? RAISIN BRAD?

YOU TALKED TO HIM ALREADY? - THIS MORNING...

WHEN HE LEFT MY HOUSE.

- WHAT WAS HE DOING AT-- WAIT, NO--

- ME.

- YOU SLEPT WITH RAISIN BRAD?

- I HAD A BIG BOWL OF RAISIN BRAD.

- EMMA. - TWO SCOOPS.

- WE'RE TRYING TO GET THESE GUYS TO SEE WOMEN

AS MORE THAN JUST SEXUAL OBJECTS,

AND TO MAKE OUR POINT, YOU MAKE YOURSELF A SEX OBJECT?

- ACTUALLY, I MADE HIM A SEX OBJECT.

- OH, EMMA.

YOU JUST TAINTED THIS WHOLE THING.

- IF WE WERE DUDES, YOU'D BE CHEST-BUMPING ME RIGHT NOW,

ASKING ME FOR DETAILS.

- I AM TRYING TO MAKE A POSITIVE DIFFERENCE IN WOMEN'S LIVES.

- YOU'RE JUDGING ME BY SOME ANTIQUATED PATRIARCHAL STANDARD.

[phone ringing]

- AND THAT'S MY LINE.

- 'CAUSE THAT'S MY JOB, AS A WOMAN, TO ANSWER PHONES

AND NEVER HAVE CASUAL SEX.

- ARE YOU CALLING ME INSENSITIVE?

- AH, MY SUCCULENT SATSUMAS.

I HAD THE STRANGEST LITTLE EMAIL FROM THE RAISIN PEOPLE SAYING

HOW EXCITED THEY WERE ABOUT THE NEW "FEMALE EMPOWERMENT" ANGLE,

AND I WAS WONDERING IF EITHER OF YOU, BY ANY CHANCE,

HAD GONE BEHIND MY BACK AND TOLD THEM ABOUT THAT IDEA

THAT YOU BORED ME WITH.

- WE DID SPEAK WITH THEM.

WE THOUGHT IT WAS IMPORTANT TO GIVE THEM A CHOICE.

- WELL, I COMMEND YOU BOTH ON YOUR MIGHTY BIG BOLLOCKS,

BUT IT WAS A COMPLETE WASTE OF TIME.

I MEAN, WE CAN INCLUDE YOUR LITTLE IDEA, IF YOU LIKE,

BUT IT WON'T MATTER.

WE PITCH OUR CLIENTS CHOICES IN ORDER TO MAKE THEM FEEL

LIKE THEY'RE CHOOSING, BUT, IN ACTUAL FACT,

THEY WILL PICK THE IDEA THAT I WANT THEM TO PICK.

AND I'VE PICKED.

NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,

I'M GOING TO SEE ROD STEWART TONIGHT...

FOR SOME ADVICE ON A SEXUAL MATTER.

- OKAY, I WAS NEVER A MEMBER OF A FEMINIST GROUP,

BUT I'M GUESSING HE'S THE LARGER PROBLEM.

- THAT IS CORRECT.

- HEY.

YOU'RE STILL HERE?

- YEAH, I'VE JUST BEEN HANGING OUT.

- AH.

- HEY, ALEX.

YOU WANT SOME POPCORN?

- HI, CARL. NO, THANK YOU.

UH, JUST STOPPING BY, ARE YOU?

- NO, JUST KICKING IT.

- OOH, WE WERE JUST GONNA WATCH

A MARATHON OF TWISTER SEEKERS,

IF YOU WANT TO JOIN US.

- [incredulous] SURE, IT'S MY APARTMENT.

- OOH, SHOW'S STARTING.

- UM...

- GOSH, I'M COLD. IS ANYONE ELSE COLD?

- NO, I'M WARM.

COME HERE, I'LL BE YOUR HUMAN BLANKET.

- OR I COULD GET YOU AN ACTUAL BLANKET.

- AWW.

- OKAY. I'M SORRY.

WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN? - SHH, TWISTER'S TOUCHING DOWN.

HEY, IT'S A TRAILER PARK. - OOH.

- I MEAN, YOU GUYS ARE OBVIOUSLY ALL OVER EACH OTHER

RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME ON MY SOFA.

- OH, DO YOU WANT US TO LIE ON THE FLOOR?

- NOT ABOUT THE SOFA, CARL.

FIRST YOU STEAL MY DRYER SHEETS,

THEN YOU STEAL MY HANG OUT, HOOKUP-ISH NEIGHBOR PERSON?

- I TOOK ONE DRYER SHEET FROM YOU,

AND THEN YOU TOOK ONE FROM JULIE,

AND THEN WE ALL DID OUR LAUNDRY.

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

- I'M NOT SURE, BUT I THINK IT'S YOU.

- UH, MAYBE IT'S YOU.

- NO, I'M-- I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S YOU.

- WELL...

SEEMS LIKE WE'RE HAVING A LITTLE BIT OF A DISAGREEMENT HERE.

- GUYS, WHY ARE WE BEING SO UPTIGHT?

I MEAN, CAN'T WE JUST, LIKE, HANG OUT AND HAVE A CASUAL NIGHT

AND DIG ON SOME TORNADOES?

- I GUESS NOT.

SEEMS LIKE HE'S TOTALLY INCAPABLE

OF BEING CASUAL ABOUT ANYTHING.

I'M GONNA GO.

AND I NEED THIS BACK.

- ISN'T THAT YOUR MICROWAVE?

- NO, THAT'S CARL'S.

I'VE JUST HAD IT FOR A REALLY LONG TIME.

SO WHAT WAS THAT ALL ABOUT? - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU GUYS ARE OBVIOUSLY HOOKING UP.

- NO, CARL AND I AREN'T HOOKING UP.

WE'RE HANGING OUT.

- HANGING OUT LIKE WE'RE HANGING OUT?

- MORE LIKE MESSING AROUND.

- MESSING AROUND?

- OR NO, ACTUALLY, JUST DOING STUFF.

- YOU KNOW, I-I THOUGHT I COULD BE CASUAL RELATIONSHIP GUY,

BUT APPARENTLY I CANNOT, SO CAN WE JUST MAYBE START OVER?

HAVE LIKE A NORMAL DATE?

UH, DINNER AND A MOVIE OR SOMETHING?

- I DON'T KNOW, I FIND DATING VERY COMPLICATED.

- BUT, MAN, BREAKING UP A SECOND TIME.

THAT'S ROUGH.

HOW YOU HOLDING UP, BUD?

YOU NEED A HUG?

- OH, I'M FINE. REALLY.

THAT'S THE ONE GOOD THING ABOUT THIS CASUAL STUFF,

IS YOU BREAK UP AND IT'S JUST--IT'S NOTHING.

- COME ON.

IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVEN'T BEEN THERE.

- REALLY, I'M OKAY.

- WELL, I'LL KEEP MY EYE ON YOU.

- YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

- BUT I WILL.

WITH THE CAMERAS, I CAN WATCH YOU

EVERY SECOND OF THE DAY.

SO DON'T WORRY.

- ARE THE RAISIN MEN HERE YET?

- YEP, IN THE CONFERENCE ROOM.

- WELL, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE LOSS OF YOUR YOUTHFUL IDEALS.

THEY'RE JUST A HANDICAP.

THEY'LL ONLY HOLD YOU BACK.

WAIT, WHAT'S VIOLET DOING HERE?

- OH, IT TURNS OUT SHE CAN GET EXTRA CREDIT BY OBSERVING

REAL BUSINESSES AT WORK.

- I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

- DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT CLASSES SHE TAKES?

- SCHOOL CLASSES. - MMM.

WELL, SHALL WE GET IN THERE AND PITCH THOSE GUYS ON

A DIRTY, SEXY RAISIN CAMPAIGN?

- HELLO, DADDY!

- DARLING, WHAT A LOVELY SURPRISE.

I'M GONNA HAVE YOUR GONADS FOR THIS.

- [laughs]

- SO WE BELIEVE THAT A MEDIA STRATEGY

FEATURING ICONIC WOMEN, UH, WILL SHOW THE RAISIN-BUYING PUBLIC

THAT OREGON RAISINS ARE ON THE RIGHT SIDE OF HISTORY,

WHILE CALIFORNIA RAISINS ARE NOT.

- SOUNDS GREAT.

DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER IDEAS YOU WANT TO DISCUSS?

- [stammering]

JUST A LITTLE ONE, BUT I-IT'S NOT FULLY FLESHED-OUT.

I-I-IT'S BARELY WORTH MENTIONING.

- WE'D LOVE TO HEAR WHATEVER YOU HAVE.

- OKAY.

[clears throat] WELL, BASICALLY,

THERE IS AN AMINO ACID CALLED ARGININE,

WHICH IS...FOUND IN RAISINS,

AND, UH, HAS BEEN SHOWN

I-I-IN I-IMPOSSIBLY HIGH DOSES,

UM, TO INCREASE...

THE SEXUAL...

PERFORMANCE I-IN MEN.

UM, [stammering], YOU GET THE BASIC IDEA.

MORE OF THE SAME SORT OF RUBBISH,

BUT, UM, WE REALLY FEEL THAT THIS IS THE IMAGE YOU WANT.

- UM, SO, LIKE, FOR REASONS OTHER THAN BUSINESS?

- SORRY, WHAT?

- I JUST THINK, AS A BUSINESS STANDPOINT,

YOU'D GET A MORE VIGOROUS RESPONSE FROM THE SEX ONE.

- OH, SHE'S JUST HERE TO OBSERVE.

- NO, NO, NO, NO.

LET THE YOUNG WOMAN SPEAK HER MIND.

CARRY ON, DARLING.

- I JUST THINK THE ACHIEVEMENT STUFF

DOESN'T GIVE THE SAME VISCERAL APPEAL AS BREASTS.

I'M ASSUMING MEN ARE A LARGE PART

OF YOUR TARGET AUDIENCE, RIGHT?

- THEY ARE. AND MEN DO LIKE BOOBS.

- THEY COULD BE BIGGER EVEN.

- UH, WOULD YOU GUYS LIKE TO STEP OUTSIDE

FOR A SECOND AND DISCUSS--

- NO, WE'RE GOOD.

THE KID'S RIGHT.

LET'S GO WITH THE SEX THING.

- WELL DONE, SQUEEGEE.

VERY PROUD.

- THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR LETTING ME SIT IN ON THAT MEETING.

IT'S SO INSPIRING SEEING SUCH SMART AND CAPABLE WOMEN

DOING THIS STUFF.

I MEAN, IT ALMOST MAKES ME WANT TO BE IN P.R.

AND, LIKE, CHANGE THE WORLD BY MANIPULATING PUBLIC OPINION.

- YOU KNOW, I'M GOING TO CALL THAT A VICTORY AND MOVE ON.

- DEAL. LET'S GET A DRINK.

- HEY.

- HEY.

- OH, HEY.

- [flatly] HEY.

- JUST FOUND OUT SHE'S BEEN HANGING AROUND

WITH THAT GUY IN 415.

- DWAYNE? WITH THE MYNA BIRD?

- YEAH. HE'S GOT A 55" TV.

- WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, CARL.

IT'S NOT THE SIZE OF YOUR TV,

IT'S THE QUALITY OF YOUR PROGRAMMING.

- 55-INCHER.

THAT'S JUST FREAKISH.

AT LEAST MINE'S PROPORTIONAL

TO THE SIZE OF MY APARTMENT.

OH, WELL.

- LISTEN, CARL, I'M SORRY ABOUT THE UNPLEASANTNESS,

AND I HOPE WE CAN KEEP UP GOOD NEIGHBORLY RELATIONS.

- YEAH.

WELL, HEY, LATER ON MAYBE YOU WANT TO BRO IT UP?

- "BRO IT UP"?

- MAYBE BRO OUT?

- NO. UH, NO.

I DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.

- SO BE IT.