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1
00:00:02,460 --> 00:00:05,046
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
2
00:00:05,046 --> 00:00:09,175
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
3
00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:13,179
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
4
00:00:13,179 --> 00:00:17,225
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
5
00:00:17,225 --> 00:00:21,521
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
6
00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:23,648
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
7
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:26,359
Ooh!
8
00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:27,527
- Mommy!
- Aaaaaaah!
9
00:00:27,527 --> 00:00:29,320
- Duncan!
- Duncan!
10
00:00:33,116 --> 00:00:34,534
{\an8}All right.
11
00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:36,369
{\an8}Let's see what's happening
in the Meta-verse.
12
00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:37,787
{\an8}That name scares me.
13
00:00:37,787 --> 00:00:39,622
{\an8}Mark Zuckerberg is playing God.
14
00:00:39,622 --> 00:00:42,417
{\an8}Hmm, "Celebrate the people
you love most
15
00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:44,336
{\an8}with a special birthday wish."
16
00:00:44,336 --> 00:00:45,837
{\an8}God, that's a lot of pressure.
17
00:00:45,837 --> 00:00:47,922
{\an8}Annie, give me something
emotional and heartfelt.
18
00:00:47,922 --> 00:00:49,507
{\an8}How about "HBD"?
19
00:00:49,507 --> 00:00:51,343
{\an8}That's beautiful.
20
00:00:51,343 --> 00:00:54,346
{\an8}HBD, HBD, HBD, HBD, HBD. Done.
21
00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:01,603
{\an8}Hi to you too, kids.
How was school today?
22
00:01:01,603 --> 00:01:03,438
{\an8}You went to school.
What do you think?
23
00:01:03,438 --> 00:01:04,689
{\an8}Why do you even care?
24
00:01:04,689 --> 00:01:07,025
{\an8}That's okay.
I'll ask our pleasant child.
25
00:01:07,025 --> 00:01:08,151
{\an8}Mommy!
26
00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:09,569
{\an8}School was wonderful.
27
00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:11,780
{\an8}I can't wait to tell you
everything that happened.
28
00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:13,907
{\an8}Oh, yeah.
That's the stuff.
29
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:16,618
{\an8}I got my first part
in the kindergarten play,
30
00:01:16,618 --> 00:01:18,745
{\an8}Goldilocks
and the Three Bears.
31
00:01:18,745 --> 00:01:21,748
{\an8}Classic story.
The Sopranos of fairy tales.
32
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:24,125
{\an8}So are you Goldilocks
or one of the bears?
33
00:01:24,125 --> 00:01:26,503
{\an8}Better.
Tree Number Four.
34
00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:29,130
{\an8}Nice.
I played many a tree.
35
00:01:29,130 --> 00:01:31,716
{\an8}The key is don't drink
two liters of Mountain Dew
36
00:01:31,716 --> 00:01:32,842
{\an8}before the play.
37
00:01:32,842 --> 00:01:34,469
{\an8}You peed
all over George Washington
38
00:01:34,469 --> 00:01:35,595
{\an8}when he chopped you down.
39
00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:37,263
{\an8}- Smile, Jing.
- Ah!
40
00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:40,600
{\an8}#BroadwayBaby. Post.
41
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:43,103
You don't have to say "post"
every time you post something.
42
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,479
That's the most fun part.
43
00:01:45,939 --> 00:01:47,607
{\an8}Aw.
44
00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:49,192
{\an8}"Congrats, so proud." Post.
45
00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:51,778
"Nice post, Jack." Post.
46
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,363
Stop narrating.
47
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:56,032
Hey, let's go celebrate
Jing's breakout role.
48
00:01:56,032 --> 00:01:57,450
I got free passes to mini-golf
49
00:01:57,450 --> 00:01:59,202
'cause I found a human foot
in their septic tank
50
00:01:59,202 --> 00:02:00,578
and agreed to keep it quiet.
51
00:02:00,578 --> 00:02:03,415
Status update.
"Too blessed to be stressed."
52
00:02:03,415 --> 00:02:05,583
Post.
53
00:02:07,585 --> 00:02:11,339
Okay, it's a 30-degree slope
past the Fairy Princess Castle
54
00:02:11,339 --> 00:02:12,549
with a slight backwind.
55
00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:14,551
I'm gonna go putter.
56
00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:21,683
Yeah, that's right. Yeah.
57
00:02:21,683 --> 00:02:23,143
Damn, Mavis.
58
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:25,603
I'm trying to get
my pre-scandal Tiger Woods on!
59
00:02:26,771 --> 00:02:29,566
No, not the center.
That's the sucker hole.
60
00:02:29,566 --> 00:02:31,443
You see how worn down it is?
61
00:02:31,443 --> 00:02:33,445
That's from suckers sucking.
62
00:02:33,445 --> 00:02:35,697
You act like
you're God's gift to mini-golf.
63
00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:38,742
Yeah.
Why do I act that way?
64
00:02:41,786 --> 00:02:44,789
Boom.
Oh, yeah, that's why.
65
00:02:44,789 --> 00:02:46,207
Nothing but cup.
66
00:02:46,207 --> 00:02:48,043
Next up, pirate ship.
67
00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:51,421
They don't tell you this,
but the cannon is a shortcut.
68
00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:53,006
My ball's green!
69
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,216
And mine's blue.
70
00:02:55,216 --> 00:02:57,594
Aw, I love
our post-worthy kids.
71
00:02:57,594 --> 00:03:00,055
Okay, now let's get one
by the windmill.
72
00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:03,892
What do you think, Jack?
♪Amster-DamnGoodTime.
73
00:03:03,892 --> 00:03:06,227
Oh, can we post that?
74
00:03:06,227 --> 00:03:08,063
I mean,
my Aunt Faye just called
75
00:03:08,063 --> 00:03:10,231
for the public hanging
of the school board,
76
00:03:10,231 --> 00:03:11,483
so I think we can.
77
00:03:11,483 --> 00:03:13,485
You've taken a photo of us
at every hole.
78
00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:15,445
I feel like
the world's lamest influencer.
79
00:03:15,445 --> 00:03:17,572
Dut-dut-dut, just get
in front of the windmill
80
00:03:17,572 --> 00:03:20,116
and try to look better
than other people's kids.
81
00:03:20,116 --> 00:03:21,409
Aah!
82
00:03:21,409 --> 00:03:22,744
Oh, my God.
83
00:03:22,744 --> 00:03:25,246
Don't worry, Duncan.
I'll switch to video.
84
00:03:25,246 --> 00:03:27,165
Aah!
85
00:03:27,165 --> 00:03:28,375
Thank God it's over.
86
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:29,793
Aah!
87
00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:31,753
Thank God it's over.
88
00:03:32,879 --> 00:03:34,589
Hey, Duncan,
which one's the shortcut?
89
00:03:34,589 --> 00:03:37,050
The cannon!
90
00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:44,891
What's so funny?
Did Elon Musk tweet a zinger?
91
00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:47,477
Don't look.
Play through.
92
00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:48,728
She posted that?
93
00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:51,272
Yo, D, I got a crazy
new nickname for you.
94
00:03:51,272 --> 00:03:53,274
Ba-Dunkie-Dunk.
Whatchu think?
95
00:03:53,274 --> 00:03:55,527
Well, naturally,
I don't like it, but--
96
00:03:55,527 --> 00:03:57,487
Ba-Dunkie-Dunk!
97
00:03:57,487 --> 00:03:58,822
That's gonna stick.
98
00:04:00,323 --> 00:04:01,741
This is so unfair.
99
00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:04,202
My mom posting crap
without asking,
100
00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:06,371
giving me nicknames
that are sticking...
101
00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:07,747
Sorry, Ba-Dunkie-Dunk,
102
00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:09,833
but you're a victim
of sharenting.
103
00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:12,627
Damn right I am!
What's sharenting?
104
00:04:12,627 --> 00:04:15,046
When parents post photos
or videos of their kids
105
00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:16,172
without their consent.
106
00:04:16,172 --> 00:04:18,258
Like, once I was invited
to tour Harvard,
107
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:20,218
and I stopped
at the Harvard gift shop
108
00:04:20,218 --> 00:04:22,512
to get this Harvard sweatshirt
that says "Harvard,"
109
00:04:22,512 --> 00:04:24,347
but it was
one size too big for me
110
00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:26,141
and my mom posted the photo.
111
00:04:26,141 --> 00:04:27,976
Ugh, so humiliating.
112
00:04:27,976 --> 00:04:30,979
That was the most
unrelatable story ever.
113
00:04:30,979 --> 00:04:32,313
The point is,
it's wrong,
114
00:04:32,313 --> 00:04:34,315
and you should call
your parents out on it.
115
00:04:34,315 --> 00:04:37,569
Oh, and your dad just posted
a brand new angle.
116
00:04:37,569 --> 00:04:40,113
Man, this really captures
the fear in your eyes.
117
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:41,573
Who wants to spend
the rest of class
118
00:04:41,573 --> 00:04:44,034
playing TLC's "Waterfalls"
over this?
119
00:04:44,034 --> 00:04:45,326
Ooh, yes, please!
120
00:04:45,326 --> 00:04:47,454
Come on, man.
Make it unanimous.
121
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,166
Attention.
122
00:04:51,166 --> 00:04:52,292
Family meeting.
123
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,919
Duncan,
you're denting the table!
124
00:04:54,919 --> 00:04:57,505
You can put that on the list
of topics to discuss later,
125
00:04:57,505 --> 00:04:58,757
but we'll never get to it.
126
00:04:58,757 --> 00:05:00,425
Kimberly's toenails
aren't dry yet,
127
00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:02,344
so she's Zooming in
from her bedroom.
128
00:05:02,344 --> 00:05:04,346
Hey, guys, good to see you.
129
00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:05,847
Ooh, this is exciting.
130
00:05:05,847 --> 00:05:08,725
Duncan has never called
a family meeting before.
131
00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:09,809
I've never had something
132
00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:11,436
this important
to discuss before.
133
00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:14,022
I had an interesting
conversation with Mia today.
134
00:05:14,022 --> 00:05:15,607
Love Mia.
So smart.
135
00:05:15,607 --> 00:05:17,567
She said
when you post pictures
136
00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:18,735
without my permission,
137
00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:21,112
it's called sharenting
and it's wrong.
138
00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:22,655
Mia's got a word
for everything.
139
00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:24,199
- So annoying.
- Mia's right.
140
00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:25,533
I was totally humiliated
141
00:05:25,533 --> 00:05:27,535
when you posted a photo
of my first pimple.
142
00:05:27,535 --> 00:05:30,121
But it was bright red
on the tip of your nose,
143
00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:31,456
and it was Christmas.
144
00:05:31,456 --> 00:05:34,209
Yeah.
♪ZitsTheSeason.
145
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,003
Silence!
146
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:39,422
One more outburst,
you'll be sent to the mudroom.
147
00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:41,716
Piggy-banking
off what Kimberly said,
148
00:05:41,716 --> 00:05:44,761
I'm tired of putting my heart
and soul into dance recitals
149
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:47,722
and looking out to see your
faces hidden behind phones.
150
00:05:47,722 --> 00:05:50,600
You're not proud.
You're just making content.
151
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,519
We're making memories.
152
00:05:52,519 --> 00:05:54,396
Childhood goes by so quickly,
153
00:05:54,396 --> 00:05:56,564
and we want to remember
these moments forever.
154
00:05:56,564 --> 00:05:58,692
And share them online
with strangers.
155
00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:00,944
So what you're saying is
you're emotionally profiting
156
00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:02,445
off our adorableness.
157
00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:03,697
How dare you.
158
00:06:03,697 --> 00:06:05,198
I brought you
into this metaverse
159
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:06,700
and I can take you out.
160
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:09,411
That's it!
No videos at my school play.
161
00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:12,372
No videos or photos
of us at all!
162
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,581
This is very important to me,
163
00:06:13,581 --> 00:06:15,250
and I'm begging you
to be respectful.
164
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:17,127
Oh, my God.
165
00:06:17,127 --> 00:06:19,671
- Are you photographing this?
- I'm sorry.
166
00:06:19,671 --> 00:06:22,716
You just get that cute,
pouty lip when you're serious.
167
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,342
Aaand post.
168
00:06:24,342 --> 00:06:25,927
Stop living through us!
169
00:06:25,927 --> 00:06:28,346
You need content?
Get a life of your own!
170
00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:29,472
Meeting adjourned.
171
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,142
So what's for dinner?
172
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,603
Can you believe those kids
saying we have no lives
173
00:06:35,603 --> 00:06:36,896
and we're boring?
174
00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:39,482
Yeah, they have no lives
and they're boring.
175
00:06:39,482 --> 00:06:41,192
And I love them,
blah, blah, blah.
176
00:06:43,028 --> 00:06:45,030
Here's the spot
I was telling you about.
177
00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:48,783
See? Doesn't this show how
quirky and interesting we are?
178
00:06:48,783 --> 00:06:50,035
Totally.
179
00:06:50,035 --> 00:06:51,745
Only we could have thought
to do this.
180
00:06:51,745 --> 00:06:54,122
♪SexyTinkerbell. Post.
181
00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:56,624
What?
A warning from Facebook?
182
00:06:56,624 --> 00:06:58,835
"This photo has been flagged
as hacky
183
00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:00,420
"and something
only boring people post.
184
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,839
Are you sure you have a life?
Yes/No."
185
00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:04,090
The kids are right.
186
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:06,551
Let's just go home
and eat until we die.
187
00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:09,220
Wait a minute.
188
00:07:09,220 --> 00:07:11,348
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
189
00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:12,599
Swingin' with that couple?
190
00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:15,935
- No, the motorcycle!
- Yep, yep, yep. Mm-hmm.
191
00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:18,938
Check it out:
just in case Mom and Dad try
192
00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:21,983
to take a picture of me again,
I drew this on my forehead.
193
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:24,194
Did you use permanent marker?
194
00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:25,487
You know it.
195
00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:26,780
So your school photo
this year is gonna be
196
00:07:26,780 --> 00:07:28,448
you with a penis
on your forehead?
197
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,909
Ugh, you just love making me
feel stupid, don't you?
198
00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:32,452
What?
199
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:34,621
Open the living
room door. Quick!
200
00:07:37,624 --> 00:07:39,209
Look who got a life!
201
00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:41,670
Oh, my God, Duncan.
What's on your forehead?
202
00:07:46,508 --> 00:07:47,676
And you thought you were
203
00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:49,636
the most interesting things
in our lives.
204
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:52,222
Well, how do you like
our leather butts now?
205
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:54,057
That's not a motorcycle.
206
00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:56,142
The seat's wider
than our couch.
207
00:07:56,142 --> 00:07:57,686
Yeah, it looks
like a parade float.
208
00:07:57,686 --> 00:07:59,312
This is a senior-cycle.
209
00:07:59,312 --> 00:08:02,107
Listen, punks,
this is the Kazooki Meanderer.
210
00:08:02,107 --> 00:08:05,652
It has 1,800 CCs of raw power
and lumbar support.
211
00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:07,070
And there's a trunk
in the front
212
00:08:07,070 --> 00:08:09,239
where we can store
our skid lids.
213
00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:11,783
That's what us bikers
call our helmets, punks.
214
00:08:11,783 --> 00:08:13,326
Stop calling us punks!
215
00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:16,871
I'm runnin' guns to Stockton!
216
00:08:16,871 --> 00:08:19,416
Vroom, vroom! Honk, honk!
Curse, curse!
217
00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:20,875
Ooh, let me get a picture.
218
00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:23,003
We told you,
no photos.
219
00:08:23,003 --> 00:08:24,045
Not Jing.
220
00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:25,130
I want to post a picture
221
00:08:25,130 --> 00:08:26,756
of Bikey's first day at home.
222
00:08:26,756 --> 00:08:27,882
Off the hog, honey.
223
00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:29,676
You kids were right
about sharenting.
224
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:32,178
We were living through you
without your consent.
225
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,472
But we're creating memories
with Bikey now.
226
00:08:34,472 --> 00:08:36,016
Aren't we, Bikey?
227
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:38,351
Can Bikey give me a ride
to play rehearsal?
228
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,020
Your brother and sister
can do that.
229
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:41,771
Me and my old lady
got a long day
230
00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:44,524
of canyon carving
and validation seeking.
231
00:08:45,775 --> 00:08:47,402
Hang on, sweet butt.
232
00:08:47,402 --> 00:08:49,779
- Whoo!
- Meanderer!
233
00:08:51,448 --> 00:08:53,533
Hey, how'd you get the penis
off your forehead?
234
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:54,826
I rubbed it out.
235
00:08:57,704 --> 00:09:01,291
This porridge is too--
um, line?
236
00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:04,127
Ugh, cold.
The porridge is cold, Shannon.
237
00:09:04,127 --> 00:09:07,047
That's your motivation
for moving to the next bowl.
238
00:09:07,047 --> 00:09:09,883
How did Jing get stuck
with Tree Number Four?
239
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,217
Tree Number One is asleep.
240
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:13,178
Tree Number Two
is picking his nose.
241
00:09:13,178 --> 00:09:15,180
And Tree Number Three
keeps saying "meow."
242
00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:16,389
- Meow.
- Yeah.
243
00:09:16,389 --> 00:09:18,224
Jing's the only kid up there
with any talent.
244
00:09:18,224 --> 00:09:21,311
Her branch swing is so present
but not upstage-y.
245
00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,229
Okay, and cue bears.
246
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:25,648
Ma,
my freakin' bowl is empty!
247
00:09:25,648 --> 00:09:27,192
I been working
the docks all day,
248
00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:28,860
and this is
what I come home to?
249
00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:30,570
Oobatz! Ha!
250
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:34,074
Joey, that's the twelfth bowl
you've broken.
251
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:35,825
Please stick to the script.
252
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:37,160
Did you eat my porridge?
253
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:40,580
Did you eat
my freakin' porridge, blondie?
254
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:42,165
Lil' Joey is so miscast.
255
00:09:42,165 --> 00:09:44,626
Baby Bear's supposed
to be cute like Jing.
256
00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:47,587
Excuse me, Mr. Perry.
257
00:09:47,587 --> 00:09:50,590
You directed me ten years ago
as Tree Number Eight.
258
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,550
Oh, yes.
Very memorable.
259
00:09:52,550 --> 00:09:54,594
I slipped in your copious
Mountain Dew urine
260
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:56,179
and dislocated my shoulder.
261
00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:58,223
This is your production
and we don't want to overstep,
262
00:09:58,223 --> 00:09:59,391
but it's an absolute mess
263
00:09:59,391 --> 00:10:00,767
and you're doing
a terrible job.
264
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,394
Here's the skinny,
I could give a hoot
265
00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:04,312
about this two-bit
kindergarten production.
266
00:10:04,312 --> 00:10:05,730
And I'm up
for a middle school revival
267
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:07,190
of Thoroughly Modern Millie.
268
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:08,358
This play is yours.
269
00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:11,194
I'm going shopping
for flapper dresses.
270
00:10:12,904 --> 00:10:14,406
Joey, could we talk to you?
271
00:10:14,406 --> 00:10:16,658
"Baby Bear."
I stay in character.
272
00:10:16,658 --> 00:10:18,576
Actually, we feel
your talents are wasted
273
00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:19,661
as Baby Bear.
274
00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:21,204
We need someone
to pull the rope
275
00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:22,455
that raises the curtain.
276
00:10:22,455 --> 00:10:24,416
You're the strongest kid here, right?
277
00:10:24,416 --> 00:10:25,625
Damn right I am.
278
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,419
I threw a Super Ball
right over the school.
279
00:10:27,419 --> 00:10:29,796
Let's see any
of those noodle arms do that.
280
00:10:32,257 --> 00:10:34,634
Everyone, the role
of Baby Bear is now played by--
281
00:10:34,634 --> 00:10:36,011
hmm, let's see--Jing.
282
00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:37,178
Yay!
283
00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:38,471
From the top.
284
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:41,099
If you're not off book,
you're not on stage.
285
00:10:41,683 --> 00:10:43,143
A-Train,
this is Jack-O,
286
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:44,769
talking to you
through our new helmet mics.
287
00:10:44,769 --> 00:10:46,146
What's your 20, over?
288
00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,857
Straddling you with my arms
around your waist, over.
289
00:10:48,857 --> 00:10:50,567
- Copy.
- Copy your copy.
290
00:10:50,567 --> 00:10:51,651
Love you.
291
00:10:52,944 --> 00:10:55,196
Got some cagers ahead.
Biker slang for cars.
292
00:10:55,196 --> 00:10:57,157
Gonna glide right through, over.
293
00:10:57,157 --> 00:10:59,451
Punks!
294
00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:01,411
Well, Mavis,
it cost two week's pay,
295
00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:04,539
but this new paint job
has got me feeling good.
296
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:08,293
I don't deserve nice things.
297
00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:13,131
Post a photo of our new,
interesting lifestyle.
298
00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:17,302
♪BugginOut. Post.
299
00:11:17,302 --> 00:11:18,887
Ooh, check it out, Jack.
300
00:11:18,887 --> 00:11:21,723
It's Hog Night at
The Big Fat Child '50s Diner.
301
00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:22,974
We should go.
302
00:11:22,974 --> 00:11:25,643
We could meet
other hobby hoggers like us.
303
00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:27,479
Okay, but let me drive.
304
00:11:27,479 --> 00:11:29,022
Bitch-switch coming up.
305
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:35,236
That went a lot better
than last time, over.
306
00:11:39,199 --> 00:11:41,076
Hell of a comfy bike
you got there.
307
00:11:41,076 --> 00:11:43,161
- That the Kazooki Meanderer?
- You know it.
308
00:11:43,161 --> 00:11:44,913
Fully loaded
with butt warmers
309
00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:46,831
and a pill organizer
in the trunk.
310
00:11:46,831 --> 00:11:49,292
Bitchin'.
Ours is a '92 Sundowner.
311
00:11:49,292 --> 00:11:51,544
Jamie Lee Curtis
rides the same one.
312
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,171
Came with a case of her yogurt.
313
00:11:53,171 --> 00:11:55,632
Oh, yeah.
Our gut floor is off the chain.
314
00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:58,343
Just like
Jamie Lee Curtis promised.
315
00:11:58,343 --> 00:12:00,178
JLC!
316
00:12:00,178 --> 00:12:02,514
We're the Larkins,
Denise and Gary,
317
00:12:02,514 --> 00:12:06,351
comfy bikers since Gary's
back injury settlement in '08.
318
00:12:06,351 --> 00:12:08,561
We're the Harrises,
A-Train and Jack-O,
319
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,939
comfy biking since 11:00 a.m.
320
00:12:10,939 --> 00:12:12,190
How many ponies
you straddling?
321
00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:15,026
175,
straight to the rear wheel.
322
00:12:15,026 --> 00:12:18,822
What's your cholesterol?
175, straight to the heart.
323
00:12:18,822 --> 00:12:20,573
How many times
you get up in the night to pee?
324
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,659
Three that I know of.
325
00:12:24,703 --> 00:12:25,912
Hey, we're rolling
326
00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:27,914
to the Sturgeon
Comfortable Bike Rally.
327
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:30,333
You should join us.
Goes all weekend.
328
00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:32,919
Asleep by 9:00 every night.
329
00:12:32,919 --> 00:12:35,088
My sweet butt is there!
330
00:12:35,088 --> 00:12:36,673
You know "sweet butt"
is someone
331
00:12:36,673 --> 00:12:38,508
who gets passed around
for sex, right?
332
00:12:38,508 --> 00:12:39,592
I did not.
333
00:12:39,592 --> 00:12:41,011
But what about Jing's play?
334
00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:42,262
I hate to miss it.
335
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,556
The kids did tell us
to get out of their lives
336
00:12:44,556 --> 00:12:45,598
and get our own.
337
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:46,766
So what's it gonna be?
338
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,268
Most fun weekend
you've ever had
339
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:49,519
with middle-aged bikers,
340
00:12:49,519 --> 00:12:51,187
or time with your kids
who hate you?
341
00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:52,856
We didn't say they hate us.
342
00:12:52,856 --> 00:12:55,233
Oh, trust us.
They hate you.
343
00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:56,776
Hmm...
344
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:58,236
Amazing rehearsal.
345
00:12:58,236 --> 00:13:00,280
Everyone here
is elevating the work.
346
00:13:00,280 --> 00:13:02,157
Uh,
a few minor casting changes.
347
00:13:02,157 --> 00:13:03,616
Tommy, you're now a tree.
348
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,118
Miley, also a tree.
349
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:07,787
Jerron, Johnny, Jimmy--
tree, tree, tree.
350
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,831
But Bradley,
my little leading man...
351
00:13:09,831 --> 00:13:10,915
Yes?
352
00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:12,375
- Also a tree.
- Oh.
353
00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:15,337
This new script doesn't have
any lines for Goldilocks.
354
00:13:15,337 --> 00:13:17,255
Sounds like something
a tree would say.
355
00:13:17,255 --> 00:13:18,631
- But--
- Tree.
356
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:20,383
Also, the story's so tired.
357
00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:22,302
I gave it a modern,
edgier spin.
358
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:25,055
And Goldilocks is such a Karen,
we don't need to hear from her.
359
00:13:25,055 --> 00:13:26,639
The play is now titled
360
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:30,560
Baby Bear: Someone's
Been Sleeping in My Mind.
361
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:32,062
And Jing is the only one
with lines,
362
00:13:32,062 --> 00:13:34,481
so none of you have to worry
about remembering anything.
363
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:37,442
To think, just yesterday,
I was Tree Number Four.
364
00:13:37,442 --> 00:13:38,651
Look at me now.
365
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,737
Never give up
on your dreams, guys.
366
00:13:42,072 --> 00:13:44,616
I can't wait till Mommy
and Daddy see me up there!
367
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:48,244
"At biker rally all weekend.
368
00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:51,748
Order pizza or whatevs.
We have our own lives."
369
00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:53,875
Love you, kids!
Break a leg!
370
00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:55,919
{\an8}Sturgeon!
371
00:13:55,919 --> 00:13:58,755
You know, if they die,
we get all their debt, right?
372
00:13:58,755 --> 00:13:59,881
Awesome.
373
00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:08,807
♪ Motorbiking ♪
374
00:14:10,058 --> 00:14:11,309
♪ Motorbiking ♪
375
00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:14,062
♪ Motorbiking ♪
376
00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:17,607
♪ Motorcycling ♪
377
00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:20,485
Oh,
I am so under-boobed for this.
378
00:14:20,485 --> 00:14:22,904
And I'm under-ponytailed.
379
00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:26,241
Jack, Annie,
380
00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:28,743
this is our crew,
Hell's Boomers.
381
00:14:28,743 --> 00:14:30,912
Hearts as big
as their prostates.
382
00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:33,123
Oop, tank's full.
Gotta tinkle.
383
00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:34,290
It's Sturgeon, Earl.
384
00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:35,792
You can go right here
on the street.
385
00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:38,253
Of course.
386
00:14:38,253 --> 00:14:40,755
What a lovely,
smelly festival.
387
00:14:40,755 --> 00:14:44,592
Jack and Annie here are
a couple of Sturgeon virgins.
388
00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:47,178
Their snowflake kids
were giving them a hard time
389
00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:48,930
about "sharenting."
390
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:53,143
Trust me, you don't need
to do any sharenting
391
00:14:53,143 --> 00:14:54,936
when you can "showtorcycle"?
392
00:14:56,187 --> 00:14:57,564
Just follow me.
You'll get it.
393
00:14:59,983 --> 00:15:01,401
♪ Yeah ♪
394
00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:05,155
♪ I been up ♪
395
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:08,324
♪ Take my word ♪
396
00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:10,994
♪ My way round ♪
397
00:15:12,662 --> 00:15:14,998
♪ I ain't askin' for much ♪
398
00:15:14,998 --> 00:15:17,167
Got one!
399
00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:18,626
{\an8}-
- ♪ I said, Lord ♪
400
00:15:18,626 --> 00:15:20,295
♪ Take me downtown ♪
401
00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:21,755
Eat it, Jay Leno.
402
00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:23,006
Eh, two out of three.
403
00:15:24,549 --> 00:15:26,551
Showtorcycle!
404
00:15:26,551 --> 00:15:27,886
Smile, honey!
405
00:15:27,886 --> 00:15:30,722
Huh?
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Oh!
406
00:15:30,722 --> 00:15:32,140
Aah!
407
00:15:39,314 --> 00:15:41,900
All right,
does everyone know their lines?
408
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,860
- We don't have any.
- Perfect.
409
00:15:43,860 --> 00:15:46,237
Lil' Joey, you ready
to raise the curtain?
410
00:15:46,237 --> 00:15:48,114
Sure, but that's
all I'm gonna do.
411
00:15:48,114 --> 00:15:50,241
You want it lowered,
that's Wally's job.
412
00:15:50,241 --> 00:15:51,576
And I ain't no scab.
413
00:15:51,576 --> 00:15:54,079
A victory for one's
a victory for all.
414
00:15:55,705 --> 00:15:57,123
Nailed it, Pop!
415
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,875
Okay,
that's what we came to see.
416
00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:00,168
Get the car, Ange.
417
00:16:02,712 --> 00:16:06,299
But this chair
is just right.
418
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:07,550
Aw!
419
00:16:07,550 --> 00:16:09,969
Well, it used to be.
420
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:11,012
Ha!
421
00:16:12,055 --> 00:16:14,683
What are you hungry for?
422
00:16:14,683 --> 00:16:16,559
Love? Money? Power?
423
00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:18,478
I was hungry for porridge,
424
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:21,231
but it was stolen from me!
425
00:16:22,774 --> 00:16:24,109
Ooh!
426
00:16:24,109 --> 00:16:26,444
Oh, we're definitely staying.
Sit down.
427
00:16:26,444 --> 00:16:27,987
They're into it.
428
00:16:27,987 --> 00:16:30,448
We're the Billie and Finneas
of children's theater.
429
00:16:36,079 --> 00:16:39,416
Ugh, I'm gonna be
laying fish eggs for a week.
430
00:16:39,416 --> 00:16:41,376
Oh, boy.
431
00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:45,588
Damn, you two
have grown on us faster
432
00:16:45,588 --> 00:16:47,007
than an ass callous.
433
00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:48,174
Before we met you,
434
00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:50,677
we had nothing
but careers and kids.
435
00:16:50,677 --> 00:16:53,513
But now,
our lives have meaning.
436
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:55,682
Yeah, this may be
the high mercury content
437
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:57,017
of the sturgeon talking,
438
00:16:57,017 --> 00:16:59,602
but we want
to grow old with you.
439
00:16:59,602 --> 00:17:00,687
What do you think, Gary?
440
00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:01,896
I know they're young punks,
441
00:17:01,896 --> 00:17:04,357
but should we invite them
to join Hell's Boomers?
442
00:17:04,357 --> 00:17:07,277
You read my conspiracy theory
damaged mind.
443
00:17:07,277 --> 00:17:10,071
We don't give these patches
to just anybody,
444
00:17:10,071 --> 00:17:12,240
but we met you
in a diner parking lot,
445
00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:13,950
so we know
you're the real deal.
446
00:17:13,950 --> 00:17:15,452
They're a symbol
of allegiance
447
00:17:15,452 --> 00:17:17,704
to our freedom-lovin'
lifestyle.
448
00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:19,706
Also, you get 10%
off your meal today.
449
00:17:19,706 --> 00:17:22,709
We would be honored
to join your leathery crew.
450
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:25,962
Uh-uh, we have this fun,
little initiation thing
451
00:17:25,962 --> 00:17:27,130
we make everybody do.
452
00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:29,215
Sounds neat.
Lay it on us.
453
00:17:29,215 --> 00:17:30,467
You just have to set fire
454
00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:32,719
to that Winnebago
parked across the street.
455
00:17:35,889 --> 00:17:37,307
- Wait, are you serious?
- Yeah.
456
00:17:37,307 --> 00:17:38,892
Go do it.
And hurry back.
457
00:17:38,892 --> 00:17:40,393
We ordered pizookie
for dessert.
458
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:44,147
Well, I guess it's all right
as long as nobody gets hurt.
459
00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:45,648
Oh, people
are gonna get hurt.
460
00:17:45,648 --> 00:17:47,692
There's a couple
in their 50s inside
461
00:17:47,692 --> 00:17:49,110
who cut us off in traffic.
462
00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:50,820
You need to burn 'em alive.
463
00:17:51,946 --> 00:17:54,949
Wait, but we thought
you were like us.
464
00:17:54,949 --> 00:17:57,786
Nice, middle-aged people
with unappreciative kids
465
00:17:57,786 --> 00:17:59,788
and a drawer
full of compression socks.
466
00:17:59,788 --> 00:18:02,415
We are, but when
the weekend rolls around,
467
00:18:02,415 --> 00:18:03,958
we put on our colors
468
00:18:03,958 --> 00:18:07,212
and we bash the skulls in
of anyone who crosses us.
469
00:18:07,212 --> 00:18:08,797
And then,
we watch "Yellowstone."
470
00:18:08,797 --> 00:18:09,881
Have you seen it?
471
00:18:09,881 --> 00:18:12,509
Well then,
I guess we'll go outside
472
00:18:12,509 --> 00:18:14,135
and burn 'em up.
473
00:18:16,012 --> 00:18:18,139
All right, do we need
to tape the door shut first?
474
00:18:18,139 --> 00:18:19,224
'Cause
when that couple sees fire,
475
00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:20,266
they're gonna try and get out.
476
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:22,227
Jack,
we're not killing people!
477
00:18:22,227 --> 00:18:23,353
Oh, thank God.
478
00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:24,896
I thought
you really wanted that patch.
479
00:18:24,896 --> 00:18:27,649
What are we even doing here?
We're not bikers.
480
00:18:27,649 --> 00:18:29,109
We're overbearing parents
481
00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:30,902
who should be
at their daughter's play.
482
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:34,155
Where the hell
do you think you're going?
483
00:18:34,155 --> 00:18:35,407
Hmm?
484
00:18:35,407 --> 00:18:36,908
Domino!
485
00:18:39,077 --> 00:18:40,662
Huh.
486
00:18:40,662 --> 00:18:42,205
Go, go, go!
487
00:18:43,581 --> 00:18:44,666
Drive away!
488
00:18:44,666 --> 00:18:47,335
Senior bikers
are gonna kill you!
489
00:18:50,171 --> 00:18:52,757
Well, that's a shame.
They seemed like good people.
490
00:18:52,757 --> 00:18:54,718
You know
what I feel like murdering?
491
00:18:54,718 --> 00:18:56,052
That pizookie.
492
00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:57,679
Mwah.
Mm.
493
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:04,227
Someone's sleeping in my bed.
494
00:19:04,227 --> 00:19:06,104
And she's still here.
495
00:19:06,104 --> 00:19:09,524
And I'm still here,
Mama and Papa.
496
00:19:09,524 --> 00:19:12,444
I'm still here!
497
00:19:13,570 --> 00:19:14,821
- Oh!
- Yeah!
498
00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:16,406
- Jing! Bravo!
- Whoo!
499
00:19:16,406 --> 00:19:19,492
Aw, jeez, I haven't cried
like this since "Jersey Boys."
500
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:20,869
Duncan, Kimberly!
501
00:19:20,869 --> 00:19:22,537
Trees One through Fourteen!
502
00:19:22,537 --> 00:19:24,414
Get out here!
503
00:19:26,374 --> 00:19:28,001
Shannon, over here.
504
00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:30,295
Magnificent, Bradley.
Smile!
505
00:19:31,463 --> 00:19:33,757
How come
no one's taking our picture?
506
00:19:33,757 --> 00:19:35,133
Yeah,
this is probably
507
00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:36,885
the greatest thing
I'll ever do.
508
00:19:36,885 --> 00:19:38,678
Our childhood's
going by so quickly.
509
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:40,805
Someone should want
to remember this forever.
510
00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:43,224
Like a parent who wants
to share this moment
511
00:19:43,224 --> 00:19:45,018
of their parenting.
512
00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:46,895
Ohhh.
513
00:19:46,895 --> 00:19:48,813
Mom and Dad were just trying
to celebrate us,
514
00:19:48,813 --> 00:19:50,273
and we treated them like crap.
515
00:19:52,567 --> 00:19:53,818
What?
516
00:19:53,818 --> 00:19:55,945
Open the auditorium door.
Quick!
517
00:19:55,945 --> 00:19:57,238
Joey, open the door.
518
00:19:57,238 --> 00:19:59,074
Sorry,
if you want doors opened--
519
00:19:59,074 --> 00:20:00,116
Joey!
520
00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:01,493
Ow!
521
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:04,037
Mommy!
522
00:20:04,037 --> 00:20:05,538
Ooh, you smell like fish.
523
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:06,956
But I don't care!
524
00:20:06,956 --> 00:20:08,583
Sorry we weren't here, kids.
525
00:20:08,583 --> 00:20:10,085
But when you told us
to get a life,
526
00:20:10,085 --> 00:20:13,213
we thought it would be this
admittedly awesome motorcycle.
527
00:20:13,213 --> 00:20:16,132
But the truth is,
you kids are our lives.
528
00:20:16,132 --> 00:20:17,217
Whatever.
529
00:20:17,217 --> 00:20:18,968
Stop talking
and take our picture.
530
00:20:21,888 --> 00:20:24,724
♪SharentingIsCarenting.
531
00:20:24,724 --> 00:20:26,893
Aaand post.
532
00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:29,896
This is so much nicer
than burning a couple alive.
533
00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:31,231
- What?
- Uh...
534
00:20:31,231 --> 00:20:33,233
Let's go mini-golfing again!
535
00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:34,734
Yay!
536
00:20:35,777 --> 00:20:37,237
Hang on!
537
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:39,989
Aah!
538
00:20:40,448 --> 00:20:42,325
Thank God I got union medical.
539
00:20:45,286 --> 00:20:46,996
Is it done, Daddy?
540
00:20:46,996 --> 00:20:48,373
Almost.
541
00:20:48,373 --> 00:20:50,083
Wow, you must have
felt really guilty
542
00:20:50,083 --> 00:20:52,168
about missing Jing's play
to buy her one of those.
543
00:20:52,168 --> 00:20:53,712
Well,
it's what she asked for.
544
00:20:53,712 --> 00:20:55,547
You want
to give it a go, Jing?
545
00:21:00,176 --> 00:21:01,302
Whee!
546
00:21:01,302 --> 00:21:03,304
{\an8}I'm cheating death!
547
00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:05,640
{\an8}Whoo-hoo!
548
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:07,475
{\an8}Whoa!
549
00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:08,643
Ooh.
550
00:21:08,643 --> 00:21:10,729
Whoo!
551
00:21:11,771 --> 00:21:13,481
{\an8}That doesn't sound g--aah!
552
00:21:16,651 --> 00:21:18,778
{\an8}Well,
I donated a lot of plasma,
553
00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:21,072
{\an8}but I was able to afford
a new paint job
554
00:21:21,072 --> 00:21:22,949
{\an8}and this giant cake.
555
00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:25,285
{\an8}Yeah, I can't wait
to eat it either.
556
00:21:28,580 --> 00:21:29,748
First, we eat the cake.
557
00:21:29,748 --> 00:21:32,208
{\an8}Then, we call 911.
558
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:37,881
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