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1
00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:04,921
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
2
00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:08,967
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
3
00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:13,096
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
4
00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:17,058
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
5
00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:21,521
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
6
00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:23,648
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
7
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:25,984
Ooh!
8
00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:27,652
- Mommy!
- Aaaaaaah!
9
00:00:27,652 --> 00:00:29,195
- Duncan!
- Duncan!
10
00:00:32,949 --> 00:00:34,743
And that's why
I'm pretty damn sure
11
00:00:34,743 --> 00:00:36,745
the aliens built the pyramids.
12
00:00:36,745 --> 00:00:39,164
So we're not gonna open
the book at all this year, huh?
13
00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:40,665
You know who I think
wrote this book?
14
00:00:40,665 --> 00:00:42,792
I'll tell you next class.
15
00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:45,295
{\an8}Damn, he knows
how to keep us coming back.
16
00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:47,881
{\an8}Oh, don't forget the semiformal
dance this Friday night.
17
00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:50,842
{\an8}Since they rejected my theme
Aliens Built the Pyramids,
18
00:00:50,842 --> 00:00:52,719
{\an8}they're going
with Under the Sea.
19
00:00:54,679 --> 00:00:57,724
{\an8}Pretty funny
that the band is Phish, huh?
20
00:00:57,724 --> 00:00:59,976
{\an8}Phish?
21
00:00:59,976 --> 00:01:02,437
{\an8}You're the king of comedy
and the sea!
22
00:01:02,437 --> 00:01:03,688
{\an8}Sea Man!
23
00:01:03,688 --> 00:01:05,565
{\an8}I'm going to dance
with your girlfriend.
24
00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:06,983
{\an8}Do you mind?
25
00:01:06,983 --> 00:01:09,402
{\an8}Go ahead, Dark Squid.
26
00:01:10,236 --> 00:01:11,404
{\an8}Ooh!
27
00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:14,657
{\an8}What I meant was,
go ahead and die.
28
00:01:14,657 --> 00:01:16,034
{\an8}Oh, Sea Man.
29
00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:19,454
{\an8}Let's go find a big clam shell
and lay a thousand eggs.
30
00:01:21,247 --> 00:01:24,084
{\an8}- Is there a cat on my back?
- Mm.
31
00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:29,673
{\an8}Clothes go in your drawer,
not on the floor!
32
00:01:29,673 --> 00:01:31,675
Classic!
33
00:01:31,675 --> 00:01:34,636
{\an8}I'm getting a little tired
of Hector's preachiness.
34
00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:36,137
{\an8}Can we watch another?
35
00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:38,014
{\an8}Hey, how'd you like
to watch something else?
36
00:01:38,014 --> 00:01:39,057
{\an8}Anything else.
37
00:01:39,057 --> 00:01:40,850
{\an8}I don't want to,
but Hector says,
38
00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:43,144
{\an8}"It's outta sight
to be polite."
39
00:01:47,065 --> 00:01:50,443
{\an8}Annie, look what's here.
Huxter!
40
00:01:50,443 --> 00:01:51,569
{\an8}Oh, my God, Jing!
41
00:01:51,569 --> 00:01:53,655
{\an8}This was our favorite show
when we were kids!
42
00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:56,866
{\an8}Huxter's the rude,
crude dude with attitude!
43
00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:59,452
I'll watch three minutes.
Set the timer.
44
00:02:02,038 --> 00:02:03,123
♪ He's half cat ♪
45
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,041
I'm cleaning myself here!
46
00:02:05,041 --> 00:02:06,376
♪ He's half pig ♪
47
00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:09,087
Nice gams, toots!
48
00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:11,297
Now make with the ravioli!
49
00:02:13,174 --> 00:02:14,676
Hot damn!
50
00:02:15,343 --> 00:02:17,220
Eat nukes, Cuba!
51
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:20,849
♪ Oh, Huxter ♪
52
00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:24,144
I'm a little dirtbag!
53
00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:30,316
Dr. Huxter,
what's my diagnosis?
54
00:02:30,316 --> 00:02:33,403
- Uh, you're ugly.
- I want a second opinion.
55
00:02:33,403 --> 00:02:35,071
Fine.
Your breath stinks too.
56
00:02:35,071 --> 00:02:36,906
Ooh, hot damn!
57
00:02:38,324 --> 00:02:41,995
You never ask Huxter
for a second opinion!
58
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:45,415
I'm a little dirtbag!
59
00:02:49,252 --> 00:02:51,504
Look at all those suckers,
60
00:02:51,504 --> 00:02:54,632
paying good money to come back
to school at night.
61
00:02:54,632 --> 00:02:56,676
For an evening
of heavily censored hip-hop
62
00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:58,928
while teachers watch kids
grind on each other.
63
00:02:58,928 --> 00:03:00,680
Educators are such pervs.
64
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:03,016
I don't know.
A dance could be kinda fun.
65
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:05,393
- Don't you think, Mia?
- Hell no!
66
00:03:05,393 --> 00:03:07,354
Unless it was
Game of Thrones-themed.
67
00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:09,522
Alive or dead,
Jon Snow can get it.
68
00:03:09,522 --> 00:03:11,691
Ha! Duncan wants
to go to the dance
69
00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:13,443
and shake his flat ass!
70
00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:16,946
And fall in love and have
someone marry his flat ass.
71
00:03:16,946 --> 00:03:18,698
Your ass is flat.
72
00:03:18,698 --> 00:03:20,617
No, I don't wanna go
to a dance!
73
00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:23,620
And love is stupid.
I can't wait to die alone.
74
00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:26,706
I meant a dance
could be fun to goof on.
75
00:03:26,706 --> 00:03:29,334
Oh, then we owe your flat ass
an apology.
76
00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:31,961
Yeah, we'll go to goof on it.
That'd be tight.
77
00:03:31,961 --> 00:03:33,630
Five tickets, please.
78
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:36,383
And is there a discount if
we're just going to goof on it?
79
00:03:36,383 --> 00:03:37,592
Yeah, actually.
80
00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:39,803
You get 10% off
and a souvenir cup.
81
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,518
Oh, look, Kimberly.
82
00:03:46,518 --> 00:03:48,520
Aren't those your friends
from school?
83
00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:51,022
Kimberly? Kimberly Harris!
Where are you?
84
00:03:51,022 --> 00:03:52,982
Oh, my God, Mom!
Stop talking!
85
00:03:52,982 --> 00:03:54,526
I don't want them to see me!
86
00:03:54,526 --> 00:03:56,236
Oh, my God.
87
00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,488
I always assume
Kimberly's having diarrhea,
88
00:03:58,488 --> 00:04:00,156
but this confirms it.
89
00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:02,742
Way to go, Mom.
90
00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:04,744
They're probably already
posting the poop emoji
91
00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:06,037
under my photo on Instagram.
92
00:04:06,037 --> 00:04:07,872
Yup, there it is.
93
00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:10,750
I'll just follow them out
to the parking lot
94
00:04:10,750 --> 00:04:13,211
and explain how they
make you cry every night.
95
00:04:13,211 --> 00:04:14,713
One thing I know
about girls is,
96
00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:16,756
they don't like
making other girls feel bad.
97
00:04:16,756 --> 00:04:19,509
- Just do your shopping!
- Okay!
98
00:04:19,509 --> 00:04:21,511
What?
You put it on the list.
99
00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:25,765
Oink meow!
100
00:04:25,765 --> 00:04:28,351
Leave some cookies
for the rest of us, Santa!
101
00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:31,187
They're a substitute
for alcohol.
102
00:04:31,187 --> 00:04:32,856
What's gotten into you,
young lady?
103
00:04:32,856 --> 00:04:34,691
You let her watch
that stupid Huxter show.
104
00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:36,067
It couldn't have had
that much effect.
105
00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:37,819
We only let her watch
six seasons.
106
00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:39,988
Ravioli?
107
00:04:40,905 --> 00:04:43,324
Hot damn!
108
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:55,086
Oh, I forgot
to wear fancy clothes
109
00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:56,713
'cause I don't suck.
110
00:04:58,631 --> 00:05:01,301
Solid goof, Duncan!
Solid.
111
00:05:01,301 --> 00:05:03,553
Check it out! I'm dressed
like a frou-frou girl.
112
00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:04,929
Isn't that hilarious?
113
00:05:06,598 --> 00:05:08,516
Yeah.
Hilarious.
114
00:05:08,516 --> 00:05:10,060
All right, kids,
it's with a heavy heart
115
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,645
that I have to announce
the rules for tonight's dance.
116
00:05:12,645 --> 00:05:14,647
No twerking,
no backing that thing up,
117
00:05:14,647 --> 00:05:15,982
no busting it wide open,
118
00:05:15,982 --> 00:05:17,484
no popping on a handstand,
119
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:19,069
and under no circumstances
120
00:05:19,069 --> 00:05:21,196
shall you throw that ass
in a circle.
121
00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:22,989
Other than that, have fun.
122
00:05:24,449 --> 00:05:26,951
Yeah, what could be more fun
than bad punch
123
00:05:26,951 --> 00:05:29,162
and dollar store cookies
in the gym?
124
00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:33,458
Gee, I wonder
if they have blue streamers
125
00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:35,251
to represent the sea.
126
00:05:38,296 --> 00:05:40,006
Whoa.
127
00:05:40,006 --> 00:05:43,677
♪ I feel like an astronaut
in the ocean ♪
128
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:46,763
Oh, my God, those steamers
look just like the sea.
129
00:05:46,763 --> 00:05:49,265
A dolphin cookie bouquet!
130
00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:53,353
Oh, Milanos!
The cookies of kings!
131
00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:55,397
I think I'm in love
with the paper-mache mermaid.
132
00:05:55,397 --> 00:05:56,981
Take me beneath the waves.
133
00:05:56,981 --> 00:05:59,484
We're still here
to goof on this, right?
134
00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:00,944
Oh, yeah.
Totally!
135
00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:02,487
- It's so lame!
- Yeah!
136
00:06:02,487 --> 00:06:03,822
Look at those losers
over there,
137
00:06:03,822 --> 00:06:05,573
cherishing their adolescence.
138
00:06:05,573 --> 00:06:06,783
Hey, you know
what we should do?
139
00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:08,451
Make fun of them
by dancing
140
00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:10,662
and smiling
just like they are.
141
00:06:10,662 --> 00:06:11,830
Yeah!
Idiots.
142
00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:13,998
- That'll show 'em.
- Solid goof.
143
00:06:13,998 --> 00:06:16,001
♪ When your brain
goes numb ♪
144
00:06:16,001 --> 00:06:17,419
Let's do this, babe.
145
00:06:17,419 --> 00:06:19,337
♪ When these people
talk too much ♪
146
00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:22,674
This is so weak.
147
00:06:22,674 --> 00:06:25,176
♪ I feel like an astronaut
in the ocean ♪
148
00:06:27,178 --> 00:06:28,221
Look how impressed they are
149
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,056
by us forming
an awesome dance robot!
150
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:32,017
So sad!
Whoo!
151
00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:33,101
Oakdale students,
152
00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:35,186
if you came to this dance
just to goof on it
153
00:06:35,186 --> 00:06:37,522
but now you're having
a great time unironically,
154
00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:39,357
let me hear you scream!
155
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:48,116
{\an8}♪ Like, like an astronaut
in the ocean ♪
156
00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:52,162
{\an8}Sorry, not getting romantic
with y'all.
157
00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:56,041
{\an8}♪ I feel like an astronaut
in the ocean ♪
158
00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:05,675
I got a girlfriend!
159
00:07:09,637 --> 00:07:11,514
I got a girlfriend!
160
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:18,438
I got a girlfriend!
161
00:07:21,358 --> 00:07:23,526
I got a girlfriend!
162
00:07:29,074 --> 00:07:30,950
I got a girlfriend!
163
00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:32,994
- I got a knife.
- I gotta go.
164
00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:37,999
I got a girlfriend!
165
00:07:37,999 --> 00:07:39,501
- Cool!
- Dope!
166
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:54,224
And there she is.
167
00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:57,477
- Morning, Mia.
- Oh, hey, Duncan.
168
00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:58,561
Fun dance, huh?
169
00:07:58,561 --> 00:07:59,604
Fun?
170
00:07:59,604 --> 00:08:00,647
Some people are calling it
171
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:01,815
the greatest night
of our lives.
172
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,692
Carry your heavy,
worthless books for you?
173
00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:05,193
Oh, I got 'em.
Thanks, though.
174
00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:06,444
Hmm?
175
00:08:06,444 --> 00:08:08,488
Uh, uh, hey.
Check your phone.
176
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:11,366
I'm AirDropping a picture
for you to post on IG.
177
00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:12,784
It's me waking up
with bedhead.
178
00:08:12,784 --> 00:08:13,910
It's kinda cute.
179
00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:15,578
Have fun with the caption.
I trust you.
180
00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:17,831
Oh, thanks.
I'll check it later.
181
00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,874
R-really? Oh, okay.
182
00:08:19,874 --> 00:08:21,751
Uh... are you cold?
183
00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:22,836
Here, take my hoodie.
184
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,629
I took all the dirty tissues
out of the pockets.
185
00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:26,423
That's okay.
I'm wearing a jacket.
186
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:27,674
I'll take it.
The store owner
187
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:28,967
where I steal
my morning coffee cake
188
00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:30,427
ripped my shirt when I ran out.
189
00:08:30,427 --> 00:08:33,346
Mmm.
Damn, Hostess got a hold on me.
190
00:08:34,973 --> 00:08:36,725
It smells like you.
191
00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:43,314
Uh, hey, Mia, you wanna
switch seats with Bex
192
00:08:43,314 --> 00:08:46,484
so we can pass each other notes
and brush fingers?
193
00:08:46,484 --> 00:08:47,902
Nah, I like sitting up front.
194
00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:49,779
I can really rack up
participation points.
195
00:08:49,779 --> 00:08:50,822
Thanks, though.
196
00:08:50,822 --> 00:08:55,535
Hmm.
I don't got a girlfriend?
197
00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:00,165
Hold my calls.
198
00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:02,584
Us dirtbags are gonna be
upstairs playing poker.
199
00:09:02,584 --> 00:09:04,252
And that better be ravioli,
200
00:09:04,252 --> 00:09:07,505
or I'll put my pig foot
in your piehole!
201
00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:09,799
You see what I'm saying?
She's out of control.
202
00:09:09,799 --> 00:09:12,010
At HomeGoods,
she dribbled my boobs
203
00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:15,638
like a couple of basketballs
and said they need more air!
204
00:09:16,681 --> 00:09:17,974
Sorry, I was just remembering
205
00:09:17,974 --> 00:09:20,060
when Huxter did that
to the queen of England.
206
00:09:20,060 --> 00:09:22,437
The Christmas episode!
207
00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:24,230
Oh, my God,
we're horrible parents.
208
00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:26,900
I'm gonna sit her down
and tell her it's unacceptable.
209
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,443
No, no, no,
you'll seem like hypocrites
210
00:09:28,443 --> 00:09:29,652
that you let her
watch the show.
211
00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:31,404
I'll talk to Jing.
I'm her big sister.
212
00:09:31,404 --> 00:09:32,572
She looks up to me.
213
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,824
Listen to the 12-year-old,
Annie.
214
00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:36,284
She'll handle it.
215
00:09:36,284 --> 00:09:38,370
If I tell her to stop,
she'll stop.
216
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,081
Jing, you've gotta keep going.
217
00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:43,750
I need your hurtful gift
to hurt people that hurt me.
218
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:46,419
What's this ding-y dame
talking about?
219
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,838
I'm talking about revenge.
220
00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:51,091
Deal us in.
221
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:54,719
What's going on in her head?
222
00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:57,097
Maybe the helpful people
on Reddit have the answer.
223
00:09:57,097 --> 00:10:00,350
"What does it mean when you
kiss a girl in a photo booth
224
00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:02,686
and she acts like
nothing happened?"
225
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:08,441
Ugh!
226
00:10:12,278 --> 00:10:14,322
- Can we talk?
- Who'd you kill?
227
00:10:14,322 --> 00:10:16,700
It's gonna be okay, but you
need to tell me everything.
228
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:20,245
No, I need to talk to you
about something personal.
229
00:10:20,245 --> 00:10:21,955
Dunkie, you haven't paid us
230
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:23,540
a vulnerable
middle-of-the-night visit
231
00:10:23,540 --> 00:10:24,624
in years!
232
00:10:24,624 --> 00:10:27,544
You can talk to us
about anything, anything!
233
00:10:27,544 --> 00:10:29,713
Just to be clear,
you didn't kill anybody, right?
234
00:10:29,713 --> 00:10:31,798
Again, if you did, it's okay.
235
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:35,802
Okay, so, um,
Mia and I shared, like,
236
00:10:35,802 --> 00:10:38,471
um, a "moment of contact,"
237
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:41,141
but now she's acting
like nothing happened.
238
00:10:41,891 --> 00:10:44,894
You look so presidential.
239
00:10:44,894 --> 00:10:46,146
No, the one below it.
240
00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:48,273
Oh, your first smooch!
241
00:10:48,273 --> 00:10:50,191
My baby, my baby!
242
00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:51,609
Stop it!
243
00:10:51,609 --> 00:10:53,194
I thought it meant
we were a couple,
244
00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:55,113
but at school today,
nothing's changed.
245
00:10:55,113 --> 00:10:57,198
Doesn't a kiss mean
she's my girlfriend?
246
00:10:57,198 --> 00:10:59,743
It's a start, but it doesn't
mean you're a couple.
247
00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:03,121
Yeah, Mia's probably thinking,
"Hey, mister!
248
00:11:03,121 --> 00:11:05,707
"I don't wanna just be
your photo booth floozy!
249
00:11:05,707 --> 00:11:07,417
I wanna be your special lady!"
250
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:11,004
And that requires
a grand gesture.
251
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,881
I already offered
to tie her shoes.
252
00:11:12,881 --> 00:11:14,758
Bigger, in front
of the whole school,
253
00:11:14,758 --> 00:11:15,884
like in the movies.
254
00:11:15,884 --> 00:11:18,053
Yeah, when I wanted to lock
it down with your mother,
255
00:11:18,053 --> 00:11:20,805
I showed up to her soccer
practice on a motorcycle.
256
00:11:20,805 --> 00:11:23,099
She was crazy about
The Terminator, so I said...
257
00:11:23,099 --> 00:11:24,517
Annie, come with me
258
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:26,353
if you want to... love!
259
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:27,979
I held out my hand,
lost control,
260
00:11:27,979 --> 00:11:29,439
and smashed into the bleachers.
261
00:11:29,439 --> 00:11:31,775
18 months later,
he learned how to walk again,
262
00:11:31,775 --> 00:11:34,110
and we've been inseparable
ever since.
263
00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:36,321
Ooh, metal rod, metal rod!
264
00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:37,572
Thanks for looking out
for me.
265
00:11:37,572 --> 00:11:39,908
You guys are pretty cool.
Can I sleep with you tonight?
266
00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,951
Fine,
just don't hog the whole bed.
267
00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:43,536
Deal.
268
00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:48,625
Oh, I've missed this.
269
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:53,129
Hey, Kimberly!
270
00:11:53,129 --> 00:11:55,382
Did you see how many likes
your diarrhea is getting?
271
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:57,425
You broke the toilet
and the internet.
272
00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:00,387
Oh, you guys like jokes?
273
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:02,389
Then say hello
to my little sister!
274
00:12:02,389 --> 00:12:03,682
Huxter 'em, Jing!
275
00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:05,684
Ladies, the only thing
that stinks worse
276
00:12:05,684 --> 00:12:08,395
than her diarrhea
are your TikTok dances!
277
00:12:10,313 --> 00:12:12,065
You better watch it, small fry.
278
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:13,650
Yeah, I am a fry.
279
00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:15,735
So why don't you eat me,
grease cheeks?
280
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:17,404
Kimberly, who is this girl?
281
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:19,781
Well,
lookee what we got here.
282
00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:22,409
I feel like playing basketball!
283
00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:24,327
- Jing, no!
- My boobs!
284
00:12:24,327 --> 00:12:26,705
They need more air!
285
00:12:28,707 --> 00:12:30,625
Mia, you should
tell the lunch lady
286
00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:32,460
you found a fingernail
in your pizza.
287
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:34,087
Nah, I'll eat around it.
288
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:36,631
I hate when people
make a big scene.
289
00:12:42,053 --> 00:12:44,180
What the--is that Duncan?
290
00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:46,141
Okay, Jon Snow!
291
00:12:46,141 --> 00:12:47,434
Horse in the cafeteria?
292
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:49,728
Not sanitary, but I gotta see
where this goes,
293
00:12:49,728 --> 00:12:51,062
so I'll allow it.
294
00:12:52,397 --> 00:12:54,816
Mia, the dance started
as a goof
295
00:12:54,816 --> 00:12:56,568
but turned into something real.
296
00:12:56,568 --> 00:12:58,653
Will you be
my mother of dragons?
297
00:12:58,653 --> 00:12:59,738
That means girlfriend.
298
00:12:59,738 --> 00:13:01,573
Oh, Duncan.
299
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:05,076
No.
300
00:13:05,076 --> 00:13:06,161
Hmm?
301
00:13:07,537 --> 00:13:10,248
Whoo!
Oh, wait, she said no!
302
00:13:10,248 --> 00:13:12,709
Damn!
303
00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:18,715
Why did I chain myself
to the saddle?
304
00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:20,633
Don't worry,
I'll get the tranquilizer gun!
305
00:13:24,554 --> 00:13:26,890
Damn,
I'm a terrible lunch monitor.
306
00:13:37,359 --> 00:13:38,485
Oh, thank God.
307
00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,320
It was all
just a humiliating dream.
308
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,739
Oh, no, man.
It happened.
309
00:13:42,739 --> 00:13:44,949
You're just waking up
from the tranquilizer dart.
310
00:13:44,949 --> 00:13:46,826
But my clothes are different.
311
00:13:46,826 --> 00:13:48,870
You weren't even conscious
for the worst part.
312
00:13:48,870 --> 00:13:50,914
So you know what?
Let me get you up to speed.
313
00:13:50,914 --> 00:13:52,791
You were chained to the saddle,
314
00:13:52,791 --> 00:13:54,709
so we had to cut you
out of your animal pelt,
315
00:13:54,709 --> 00:13:57,003
and that happened
in front of everybody.
316
00:13:57,003 --> 00:13:58,463
So the girl of my dreams
317
00:13:58,463 --> 00:14:00,465
rejected me
in front of the whole school
318
00:14:00,465 --> 00:14:03,176
and then everyone saw me
in my underwear?
319
00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:04,552
We had to cut you
out of those too.
320
00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:06,388
Well, we didn't have to.
321
00:14:06,388 --> 00:14:08,807
Ugh, this is not how my parents
said it would turn out
322
00:14:08,807 --> 00:14:10,600
when I was in bed with them!
323
00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:11,851
I ruined my life!
324
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:12,894
Come on, D.
325
00:14:12,894 --> 00:14:14,437
You can hide in shame forever,
326
00:14:14,437 --> 00:14:16,189
or you can just man up,
face Mia,
327
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:18,149
and tell her you were
on crack cocaine.
328
00:14:18,149 --> 00:14:21,695
I wish that was true.
But I know what I have to do.
329
00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:23,738
Hey, can we talk?
330
00:14:23,738 --> 00:14:25,281
- Aye.
- The crabber job,
331
00:14:25,281 --> 00:14:26,825
is it out on the sea forever?
332
00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:27,992
-'Tis is.
- Cool.
333
00:14:27,992 --> 00:14:29,285
I'm an experienced crab guy
334
00:14:29,285 --> 00:14:30,912
who's done lots of crab stuff.
335
00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:32,706
Impressive résumé.
336
00:14:32,706 --> 00:14:34,332
Welcome aboard!
337
00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:44,718
Kimberly, you weaponized
your zinger-flinging sister!
338
00:14:44,718 --> 00:14:45,760
She's five years old
339
00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:47,387
and already banned
from middle school!
340
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,723
You should be happy.
I've never loved Jing more.
341
00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:51,558
And I love zing flinging!
342
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:54,269
Now, zip it and crank up
the KIDZ BOP, toots!
343
00:14:54,269 --> 00:14:55,895
Wait, this isn't
the way home.
344
00:14:55,895 --> 00:14:57,313
Are you driving us
off a bridge?
345
00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:58,606
Not today.
346
00:14:58,606 --> 00:14:59,941
We're gonna teach you a lesson
347
00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:02,068
in the form
of a cautionary tale.
348
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:04,112
Ugh! Please just
drive us off a bridge.
349
00:15:04,112 --> 00:15:06,573
We're taking you
to see Mort Bushmiller,
350
00:15:06,573 --> 00:15:08,658
the creator and voice
of Huxter.
351
00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:09,701
Yeah!
352
00:15:09,701 --> 00:15:10,785
So you can see
353
00:15:10,785 --> 00:15:12,579
that a life built
on cheap insults
354
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:15,206
and rude remarks
doesn't end well.
355
00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:21,504
Wow!
I got a million-dollar mouth!
356
00:15:21,504 --> 00:15:23,882
Did you guys not do
a simple Google search?
357
00:15:23,882 --> 00:15:25,050
Hmm.
358
00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:34,059
Ugh!
It's full of aliens!
359
00:15:34,059 --> 00:15:36,436
They built the pyramids,
and now they're gonna kill us!
360
00:15:37,312 --> 00:15:38,897
Duncan, I'm getting the sense
361
00:15:38,897 --> 00:15:41,983
you're not a crab guy
who's done lots of crab stuff.
362
00:15:41,983 --> 00:15:43,109
Sorry I lied!
363
00:15:43,109 --> 00:15:44,778
Please don't feed me
to the aliens!
364
00:15:46,321 --> 00:15:47,405
Let's go below, hmm?
365
00:15:47,405 --> 00:15:50,158
I'll smoke a smelly pipe
while you tell me your tale.
366
00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:52,035
{\an8}That sounds cool.
Got any coffee?
367
00:15:56,498 --> 00:15:58,166
Jack, look,
an autographed poster
368
00:15:58,166 --> 00:16:00,168
of the Huxter live-action movie
369
00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:01,753
starring Jerry O'Connell.
370
00:16:01,753 --> 00:16:05,715
Wow, to stand back-to-back
with Huxter.
371
00:16:05,715 --> 00:16:07,884
Welcome to Casa de Dirtbag.
372
00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:09,636
I'm Mort Bushmiller,
373
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:11,388
the creator and voice
of Huxter.
374
00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:12,430
Oink meow!
375
00:16:12,430 --> 00:16:16,309
Wow, to stand face-to-face
with Huxter.
376
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:17,977
Jack, this is serious.
377
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:20,814
Although we are huge superfans
and we once mobbed you
378
00:16:20,814 --> 00:16:22,732
at the opening
of Huxter's Hot Wings.
379
00:16:22,732 --> 00:16:24,150
Oh, that's right!
380
00:16:24,150 --> 00:16:26,820
You tore out
a patch of my hair!
381
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:28,530
My dad still wears it
around his neck.
382
00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:29,572
Mwah!
383
00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:31,324
Mr. Bushmiller,
our five-year-old
384
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:33,952
got the wrong idea
from your hilarious cartoons
385
00:16:33,952 --> 00:16:37,497
and thinks it's okay to be rude
and insulting in real life.
386
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:38,707
So as her parents,
387
00:16:38,707 --> 00:16:40,625
we're asking you
to do our jobs for us.
388
00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:42,419
Well, for starters,
389
00:16:42,419 --> 00:16:45,213
you shouldn't let
a five-year-old watch my show.
390
00:16:45,213 --> 00:16:46,756
- What else you got?
- Okay.
391
00:16:46,756 --> 00:16:49,050
I know I hurt
a lot of people back then,
392
00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:51,553
and it breaks my heart
that Castro died
393
00:16:51,553 --> 00:16:53,388
before I could
apologize to him.
394
00:16:53,388 --> 00:16:55,849
Remember, Jing,
Huxter says...
395
00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:57,559
Words hurt!
396
00:16:57,559 --> 00:17:00,937
No, Huxter says,
"I'm a little dirtbag!
397
00:17:00,937 --> 00:17:04,107
So make with the zingers,
you rich, washed-up hack!
398
00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:06,109
Uh, she's a tough case.
399
00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:08,862
There's a cure for this,
but it ain't pretty.
400
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:10,739
Do what you gotta do.
401
00:17:10,739 --> 00:17:13,074
Okay, Jing.
You want the full Huxter?
402
00:17:13,074 --> 00:17:14,451
Gimme!
403
00:17:14,451 --> 00:17:15,702
Here we go!
404
00:17:19,622 --> 00:17:21,374
Words do hurt!
405
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:24,294
Doesn't he know
it's outta sight to be polite?
406
00:17:24,294 --> 00:17:27,756
That was horrifying!
It was so personal!
407
00:17:27,756 --> 00:17:30,550
And why'd he drag Grandma
into it?
408
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:32,010
Yeah, he went
way over the line,
409
00:17:32,010 --> 00:17:34,721
but wow,
traumatized by Huxter.
410
00:17:34,721 --> 00:17:36,639
What an honor.
411
00:17:39,517 --> 00:17:41,394
And then she ran
out of the cafeteria,
412
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:44,272
and I'll never be able
to face her again.
413
00:17:44,272 --> 00:17:47,609
Could you please stop playing
that concertina? God!
414
00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:49,402
I'll let you in on a secret, Duncan.
415
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:52,614
None of us knew what a crab was
before we got on this boat.
416
00:17:52,614 --> 00:17:55,700
We're all here 'cause
we've been rejected by someone.
417
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:59,537
I was rejected by my
Sunday pickup basketball game.
418
00:17:59,537 --> 00:18:01,331
The Great British Bake Off!
419
00:18:01,331 --> 00:18:03,458
A pox on you, Mary Berry!
420
00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:06,294
Atlanta Concertina Symphony.
421
00:18:06,294 --> 00:18:08,296
No offense, dude,
but they were right.
422
00:18:08,296 --> 00:18:10,298
You suck.
423
00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:11,633
What's your story,
Captain Pete?
424
00:18:11,633 --> 00:18:14,469
Like you, I was rejected
by my true love.
425
00:18:14,469 --> 00:18:17,389
She was a mermaid
off the coast of Mexico.
426
00:18:17,389 --> 00:18:18,932
For months, we flirted,
427
00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:20,892
me steering my ship
through the chop,
428
00:18:20,892 --> 00:18:22,811
her dancing
in the boat's wake.
429
00:18:22,811 --> 00:18:24,854
Then one sunny day,
430
00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:26,272
I got close enough to see
431
00:18:26,272 --> 00:18:29,317
the mermaid
was actually a dolphin.
432
00:18:29,317 --> 00:18:31,736
Oh, but by that point,
my heart was all in.
433
00:18:31,736 --> 00:18:34,698
I killed, gutted,
and wore a dolphin's carcass
434
00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:36,366
to show her it could work,
435
00:18:36,366 --> 00:18:40,286
but alas, my grand,
bloody gesture was rejected...
436
00:18:40,286 --> 00:18:42,747
because I acted like a freak.
437
00:18:42,747 --> 00:18:45,625
The lesson, Duncan,
is don't be a freak.
438
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:46,668
Come on, man.
439
00:18:46,668 --> 00:18:48,294
All I did was dress up
like Jon Snow
440
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:49,879
and ride a horse into the--
441
00:18:49,879 --> 00:18:52,465
oh, my God,
I did act like a freak.
442
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:54,259
I mean,
I didn't take a life like you,
443
00:18:54,259 --> 00:18:55,969
but I was a little extra.
444
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:59,639
It's too late for us,
but you still have a chance.
445
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:01,641
Swim to her, Duncan!
446
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:03,643
Can't you guys drop me off
or something?
447
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:06,688
That we can.
Set sail for Mia's house!
448
00:19:08,982 --> 00:19:10,400
Seriously, dude.
Just no.
449
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,318
Yes, you're right.
It is annoying.
450
00:19:15,196 --> 00:19:17,282
Wait, don't be a freak.
451
00:19:19,451 --> 00:19:21,202
Duncan, where have you been?
452
00:19:21,202 --> 00:19:22,495
I tried calling you,
but your voice mail
453
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:24,789
said the sea
was your mistress now?
454
00:19:24,789 --> 00:19:25,874
Jealous?
455
00:19:25,874 --> 00:19:27,584
- Of the sea?
- Never mind.
456
00:19:27,584 --> 00:19:29,377
I just wanted to say I'm sorry
457
00:19:29,377 --> 00:19:31,463
I put you on the spot
in the cafeteria.
458
00:19:31,463 --> 00:19:33,131
I took advice from my parents.
459
00:19:33,131 --> 00:19:35,467
Oh, that explains so much.
460
00:19:35,467 --> 00:19:37,802
I felt bad running away,
but I just didn't wanna have
461
00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:40,013
the conversation
in front of the whole school.
462
00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:41,639
Yeah,
I kinda beefed that part.
463
00:19:41,639 --> 00:19:43,308
You know how much I like you,
464
00:19:43,308 --> 00:19:45,101
but my life
is so full right now
465
00:19:45,101 --> 00:19:46,478
with applying for scholarships,
466
00:19:46,478 --> 00:19:48,063
learning to play
the Middle Eastern ney,
467
00:19:48,063 --> 00:19:49,272
and lobbying to remove lead
468
00:19:49,272 --> 00:19:50,899
from the school
drinking fountains.
469
00:19:50,899 --> 00:19:52,233
I drink out
of those fountains,
470
00:19:52,233 --> 00:19:54,110
and that water
tastes good to me.
471
00:19:54,778 --> 00:19:55,987
But I get your point.
472
00:19:55,987 --> 00:19:57,364
I just don't have time
473
00:19:57,364 --> 00:19:59,908
to give a relationship
the attention it deserves.
474
00:19:59,908 --> 00:20:01,993
And you deserve.
And need.
475
00:20:01,993 --> 00:20:04,412
But speaking as someone younger
than your parents,
476
00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:05,663
could we have the kind of
477
00:20:05,663 --> 00:20:07,582
noncommittal,
casual relationship
478
00:20:07,582 --> 00:20:10,251
our generation is known for
and just hang?
479
00:20:10,251 --> 00:20:12,337
You mean, like, one-on-one?
480
00:20:12,337 --> 00:20:13,588
Yeah.
I'd like that.
481
00:20:13,588 --> 00:20:15,632
Me too!
482
00:20:15,632 --> 00:20:16,716
What are you doing?
483
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:19,260
Trying not to be a freak,
but I'm really happy.
484
00:20:19,260 --> 00:20:21,179
I gotta get the lead
out of that water.
485
00:20:21,179 --> 00:20:23,056
One-on-one!
486
00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:24,891
They're gonna hang
one-on-one!
487
00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:26,142
We did it, boys!
488
00:20:26,142 --> 00:20:29,604
- Hooray!
- It's-a beautiful!
489
00:20:31,106 --> 00:20:33,566
Never give up on love.
490
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:35,276
Whoo!
491
00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,663
I'm open!
Give me the ball!
492
00:20:46,663 --> 00:20:48,957
Don't be a grody dweeb
to the max!
493
00:20:51,209 --> 00:20:52,335
Tubular!
494
00:20:52,335 --> 00:20:55,714
Annie, that hunk's totally
making a grand gesture for you!
495
00:20:55,714 --> 00:20:57,340
Come with me if you want to...
496
00:20:57,340 --> 00:20:59,217
love!
497
00:21:00,301 --> 00:21:01,720
Jack, be careful!
498
00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:08,393
{\an8} I'm good!
499
00:21:12,313 --> 00:21:14,733
{\an8}Stop time traveling
to prevent your back pain!
500
00:21:14,733 --> 00:21:16,776
{\an8}Now, get in the car
before you're arrested
501
00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:19,696
{\an8}for being naked
at a girls' soccer practice!
502
00:21:27,787 --> 00:21:30,540
{\an8}Oh, my God!
I got a boyfriend!
503
00:21:30,540 --> 00:21:32,292
{\an8}- Yeah!
- Yay!
504
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:37,839
Captioned by Captionmax
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