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1
00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:04,921
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
2
00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:08,967
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
3
00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:13,096
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
4
00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:17,058
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
5
00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:21,521
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
6
00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:23,648
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
7
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:25,984
Ooh!
8
00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:27,652
- Mommy!
- Aaaaaaah!
9
00:00:27,652 --> 00:00:29,320
- Duncan!
- Duncan!
10
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:35,076
{\an8}♪ Witch Day, Witch Day,
throw crones upon the pyre ♪
11
00:00:35,076 --> 00:00:37,037
{\an8}Happy Witch Day, Huxter.
12
00:00:37,037 --> 00:00:39,539
{\an8}I'm a little dirtbag.
Oink, meow.
13
00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:41,750
{\an8} Why are these
fake tombstones so heavy?
14
00:00:41,750 --> 00:00:43,084
{\an8}'Cause they're real.
15
00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:44,878
{\an8}I had your father borrow them
from the cemetery.
16
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:45,962
{\an8}Oh, my God.
17
00:00:45,962 --> 00:00:48,465
{\an8}How many times have I told you,
do not disturb the dead?
18
00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:50,550
{\an8}Calm down.
They're our relatives.
19
00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:53,178
{\an8}Jam them in the dirt, Jack, respectfully.
20
00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:58,224
{\an8}Reader's Digest told me
about this amazing new website,
21
00:00:58,224 --> 00:01:00,727
{\an8}ancestorslife.com.
22
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:04,064
{\an8}First I misspelled it with an I
and that website was disgusting,
23
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:08,068
{\an8}but ancestorslife.com tells you
the history of your family
24
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:09,944
{\an8}and their gruesome deaths.
25
00:01:09,944 --> 00:01:12,572
{\an8}People died in such
crazy ways back then--
26
00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:15,241
{\an8}stonings, beheadings,
petticoat fires.
27
00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:17,035
{\an8}Hey, Dad,
someone's here to see you
28
00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:18,161
{\an8}around the side of the house.
29
00:01:18,161 --> 00:01:20,663
{\an8}Okay.
Unusual place to meet, but--
30
00:01:20,663 --> 00:01:22,374
That creepy doll!
31
00:01:22,374 --> 00:01:24,668
{\an8}Time to die, Jackie.
32
00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:29,255
Yeah!
33
00:01:29,255 --> 00:01:31,466
{\an8}It's hilarious
you're scared of a doll.
34
00:01:31,466 --> 00:01:33,885
{\an8}Get it away
so I can open my eyes!
35
00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:35,970
{\an8}Okay, it's gone.
36
00:01:35,970 --> 00:01:37,472
{\an8}Hi!
37
00:01:37,472 --> 00:01:38,807
{\an8}Oh, my God.
38
00:01:38,807 --> 00:01:41,142
{\an8}I'm on fire today.
39
00:01:41,142 --> 00:01:45,063
Witch Day is
corporately sponsored now?
40
00:01:47,232 --> 00:01:49,234
Five for Witch Day, please.
41
00:01:49,234 --> 00:01:50,652
What are you talking about?
42
00:01:50,652 --> 00:01:52,821
I want five tickets
for Witch Day.
43
00:01:52,821 --> 00:01:53,947
{\an8}Oh, you mean
44
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,491
{\an8}American Liberty Bank
presents Witch Day.
45
00:01:56,491 --> 00:01:58,284
You'd have to ask
for tickets to that.
46
00:01:58,284 --> 00:01:59,953
Okay. Five tickets
47
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:02,497
for American Liberty Bank
Witch Day.
48
00:02:02,497 --> 00:02:04,332
Presents Witch Day.
49
00:02:04,332 --> 00:02:07,002
American Liberty Bank
presents Witch Day!
50
00:02:07,002 --> 00:02:08,503
There ya go.
51
00:02:08,503 --> 00:02:10,797
Have a spooky good time.
52
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:12,549
American Liberty Bank
takes no responsibility
53
00:02:12,549 --> 00:02:14,175
for you having
a spooky good time.
54
00:02:14,175 --> 00:02:15,260
Hmm.
55
00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:18,596
All right, who's ready
for some family Witch Day fun?
56
00:02:18,596 --> 00:02:19,931
Me, me, me!
57
00:02:19,931 --> 00:02:21,933
Oh, there's my friends.
See ya.
58
00:02:21,933 --> 00:02:24,310
'Sup?
59
00:02:27,731 --> 00:02:29,733
Okay, girls,
if you're gonna scream or cry,
60
00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:31,526
let me know
so I can take a video.
61
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:36,948
Now we're talking.
Scare the hell out of us!
62
00:02:36,948 --> 00:02:39,659
I'm going to slash
63
00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:41,870
your ATM fees in half.
64
00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:44,789
Oh.
65
00:02:44,789 --> 00:02:48,126
I'm Freddie Mac.
I'm Fannie Mae.
66
00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:51,588
And we want to finance
your home forever
67
00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:53,757
and ever and ever.
68
00:02:53,757 --> 00:02:56,593
Can we just nap on a hay bale?
69
00:02:56,593 --> 00:02:59,012
Hey, Mr. Mitch, nice cloak.
70
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:00,472
Thanks. It's my bathrobe.
71
00:03:00,472 --> 00:03:02,265
I just pinned some stars
and moons on it.
72
00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:04,768
Step inside
Mr. Mitch's Midnight Massacre,
73
00:03:04,768 --> 00:03:07,020
a totally immersive
terror experience.
74
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,356
No offense, but everything
and everyone here sucks butt.
75
00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:12,692
We're getting too old
to be scared by Witch Day junk.
76
00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:14,444
That's 'cause
you haven't seen my junk.
77
00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:15,904
Come on, guys.
78
00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:19,783
Let's give his junk a chance.
I bet it's gross and scary.
79
00:03:19,783 --> 00:03:21,534
Mia said something.
Let's do it.
80
00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:23,620
Cool. Enter if you scare.
81
00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:26,456
Yeah, that's good.
82
00:03:30,335 --> 00:03:33,380
Bark, bark.
I vant to suck your blood.
83
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:35,882
Uh-oh, I think I see my man Frankenstein.
84
00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:38,051
Damn, that's just my gym sock.
85
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:40,428
Let's get out of here.
It's a puppet show.
86
00:03:40,428 --> 00:03:41,971
We're definitely
too old for this.
87
00:03:41,971 --> 00:03:45,266
Yeah, let's blow this totally
immersive terror experience.
88
00:03:45,266 --> 00:03:47,060
It's like an A24 movie--
89
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,978
not scary but maybe smart.
90
00:03:48,978 --> 00:03:50,146
We're done here.
91
00:03:55,151 --> 00:03:57,487
Banking with American Liberty
is a no-brainer.
92
00:03:57,487 --> 00:03:59,114
This is supposed to be
93
00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:01,282
a festival of women
being falsely persecuted
94
00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:02,450
for crops going bad.
95
00:04:02,450 --> 00:04:04,160
They've taken
the magic out of it.
96
00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:07,372
Ugh, I hate seeing our kids
not scared to death.
97
00:04:07,372 --> 00:04:09,749
Let's put on a Witch Day
of our own at home.
98
00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:12,961
Yeah, we don't need
this corporate jive-fest.
99
00:04:12,961 --> 00:04:15,088
DIY Witch Day.
100
00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:16,297
Hey, wait up!
101
00:04:16,297 --> 00:04:18,717
We want out
of this babbu Witch Day, too.
102
00:04:18,717 --> 00:04:21,678
Hey, there's
a $10 disappointment fee.
103
00:04:24,305 --> 00:04:26,474
Gee, I wonder
if when the girl splashes
104
00:04:26,474 --> 00:04:28,351
cold water on her face
in the bathroom mirror
105
00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:31,438
suddenly there'll be
a killer behind her.
106
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:34,691
Yawn.
107
00:04:34,691 --> 00:04:37,527
This movie is like It
with an S-H in front of it.
108
00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:39,487
Yeah, maybe we are
too old to be scared.
109
00:04:41,906 --> 00:04:44,325
Hang on. My phone's on silent.
110
00:04:44,325 --> 00:04:46,703
I've hacked your devices
and gained access
111
00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:49,080
to your most embarrassing
personal videos.
112
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,499
Bring me $200 in untraceable
113
00:04:51,499 --> 00:04:54,127
Cheesecake Warehouse
gift cards by midnight,
114
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:57,088
or I release the videos
to everyone in your contacts.
115
00:04:57,088 --> 00:04:59,341
And to prove it...
116
00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:01,718
Hey, Beyoncé, Mia Abara here--
117
00:05:01,718 --> 00:05:03,470
activist and also hot.
118
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,889
Just wanted to show you
this dance move I came up with.
119
00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:07,015
Whoo!
120
00:05:07,015 --> 00:05:08,683
Oh, God.
Bey, no, no.
121
00:05:08,683 --> 00:05:10,810
That's not part of the dance.
122
00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:12,604
- Turn it off.
- Man!
123
00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:15,231
For a vegan,
you can really rip 'em.
124
00:05:15,231 --> 00:05:17,567
The other videos are far worse.
125
00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:20,653
Get the gift cards
and await further instructions.
126
00:05:20,653 --> 00:05:22,781
You heard that freak
in the plague mask.
127
00:05:22,781 --> 00:05:25,492
To the Cheesecake Warehouse.
128
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:32,749
Welcome
to the Harris Family Witch Day.
129
00:05:32,749 --> 00:05:35,085
Presents Witch Day.
130
00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:37,003
Some other little kids
were here before you.
131
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:39,172
We dismembered them
and filled these bowls
132
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:40,256
with their body parts.
133
00:05:40,256 --> 00:05:41,633
Feel their eyeballs.
134
00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:44,344
I'm gonna ralph.
135
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,596
These are worms we pulled
out of their stomachs.
136
00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:49,849
Why did they eat so many worms?
137
00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:52,185
We forced them to
before we murdered them.
138
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:54,270
You're so good with kids, honey.
139
00:05:54,270 --> 00:05:55,855
We're gonna set up
the next scare.
140
00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:57,941
Wait a minute.
These ain't no freakin' worms.
141
00:05:57,941 --> 00:06:01,695
There's spaghets,
and they're al dent.
142
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:04,030
Oh, my stars!
143
00:06:04,030 --> 00:06:07,701
Kimberly, bring him back.
I only have two friends.
144
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:10,120
I didn't do anything.
Where did he go?
145
00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:11,621
I'm in your freakin' wall.
146
00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:14,791
There's ghosts up the wazoo
in here and termites.
147
00:06:16,668 --> 00:06:18,628
Oh, thank you, big guy.
148
00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:20,964
And that's why
you take Communion.
149
00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:22,424
What happened?
150
00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:25,468
You got some gabba-ghouls
in these walls.
151
00:06:25,468 --> 00:06:27,429
I'm out of here.
Let's go, B.
152
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:36,396
Take that,
American Liberty Bank.
153
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:39,524
Excellent child scaring, honey.
154
00:06:39,524 --> 00:06:41,901
Okay. A little late,
but we'll take it.
155
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:45,113
Who dares disturb
my eternal sleep?
156
00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:48,116
Gabba-ghoul!
157
00:06:52,287 --> 00:06:53,913
I told you not
to disturb the dead.
158
00:06:53,913 --> 00:06:55,165
Where's my good sage?
159
00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:57,375
- On top of my toilet.
- Never mind.
160
00:06:58,543 --> 00:07:01,212
Oh, my God, she's horrifying.
161
00:07:01,212 --> 00:07:04,215
Hello.
I'm floating right here.
162
00:07:04,215 --> 00:07:06,009
The ghost looks like you, Mommy.
163
00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:07,677
- Huh?
- Hmm?
164
00:07:07,677 --> 00:07:09,512
Hmm. Hmm.
165
00:07:09,512 --> 00:07:12,974
That's my great-great-
great-great-cousin Winifred,
166
00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:15,143
the one whose tombstone we took.
167
00:07:15,143 --> 00:07:17,687
I wonder if her being here
is connected to that.
168
00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:20,106
It's not not connected.
169
00:07:20,106 --> 00:07:23,693
How exciting to catch up
with a dead cousin.
170
00:07:23,693 --> 00:07:25,236
I don't talk
to any of my living ones
171
00:07:25,236 --> 00:07:26,654
'cause they're judgmental trash.
172
00:07:26,654 --> 00:07:28,698
I got a million questions
for you.
173
00:07:28,698 --> 00:07:31,618
I'd be happy to answer them
all for you over dinner.
174
00:07:31,618 --> 00:07:35,080
I'll make a pot
of my famous fox stew.
175
00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:36,915
Be right back.
Here, foxy.
176
00:07:36,915 --> 00:07:39,250
Wow.
This is gonna be fun, huh?
177
00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:41,002
Mom, ghosts
don't usually come back
178
00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:42,420
to make dinner and have an AMA.
179
00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:44,756
Trust me,
she's got unfinished business.
180
00:07:44,756 --> 00:07:46,966
I'm sure there's
a perfectly innocent reason
181
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:48,259
her soul can't rest.
182
00:07:48,259 --> 00:07:50,929
Now go screw the plastic
wine glasses together.
183
00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:52,639
I don't want
to have dinner with her.
184
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:54,599
She smells like
a thousand dead birds.
185
00:07:54,599 --> 00:07:56,476
Yes, we can all smell her,
186
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:58,478
but she's family,
and you'll be there.
187
00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:03,316
That fox
sounded really old, right?
188
00:08:05,318 --> 00:08:08,363
Wow, standing in line
is 2,500 calories.
189
00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:11,157
All right, y'all, let's hear it.
What's the worst video you got?
190
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:13,743
Mine was me squatting
over my phone with no pants on
191
00:08:13,743 --> 00:08:15,495
for medical reasons. Bex?
192
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:18,915
I was rapping along
to Soulja Boy's album.
193
00:08:18,915 --> 00:08:21,960
Every single word.
194
00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:23,086
- What?
- Whoa.
195
00:08:23,086 --> 00:08:25,463
Yikes. Wolf?
196
00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:29,884
Why are boys always squattin'
over phones?
197
00:08:29,884 --> 00:08:32,137
All right, Duncan,
you're the only one left.
198
00:08:32,137 --> 00:08:35,140
No way. It's way worse
than any of yours.
199
00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:37,726
- Worse than this?
- Ah! Stop, Wolf!
200
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:41,312
Welcome to Cheesecake Warehouse.
201
00:08:41,312 --> 00:08:42,856
- Five for dinner?
- God, no.
202
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,816
We need $200 in gift cards.
203
00:08:44,816 --> 00:08:46,985
Ooh, being blackmailed
by a psycho?
204
00:08:46,985 --> 00:08:48,653
That's most of our business.
205
00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:53,199
Now, what do we do?
206
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:55,577
I sent a car
that will bring you to me.
207
00:08:55,577 --> 00:08:57,537
What kind of music
would you prefer?
208
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:58,747
Soulja Boy!
209
00:08:58,747 --> 00:09:00,790
No!
210
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:05,587
Hello. Are you--
211
00:09:05,587 --> 00:09:07,380
hold on, let me check my phone--
212
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:08,757
victims?
213
00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:10,175
We got to take the chance.
214
00:09:10,175 --> 00:09:11,968
I don't want my video
getting out.
215
00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:14,763
And he does have a 4.8.
216
00:09:14,763 --> 00:09:17,390
Ooh, little water bottles.
217
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,310
Mm, mm, mm.
218
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:22,437
This fox stew is amazing.
219
00:09:22,437 --> 00:09:25,065
So much better than
Cheesecake Warehouse fox.
220
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:28,860
So, Cousin Winnie, tell me all
about your life in olden times.
221
00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:31,237
- Were you a career gal?
- Oh, yes.
222
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:33,239
I placed notices
from the constables
223
00:09:33,239 --> 00:09:35,325
on carriages
that were parked too long.
224
00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:38,453
We're
parking-enforcement sisters.
225
00:09:38,453 --> 00:09:39,746
Whoo!
226
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:42,749
That was cold,
and I had a vision of my death.
227
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:45,585
You've crafted a fine home
for your family, Jack.
228
00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:49,172
Oh, I didn't build it,
but I did help find the realtor.
229
00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:51,716
have you ever considered
growing muttonchops?
230
00:09:51,716 --> 00:09:53,677
They'd be quite becoming on you.
231
00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:56,763
I really wanted to,
but Annie said no.
232
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:59,891
You know, Winifred, we can
buy butter in stores now.
233
00:09:59,891 --> 00:10:02,936
I'll take you later
in our automobile.
234
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,854
Ooh, that would be lovely.
235
00:10:04,854 --> 00:10:07,857
Jack, can you escort me?
Hmm.
236
00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:09,943
Is the dead chick
hitting on Dad?
237
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:12,112
Dead, smelly chick.
238
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:14,572
She's a ghost, girls.
Don't be silly.
239
00:10:14,572 --> 00:10:17,367
Ooh, hold the fox's fur
up to your cheeks.
240
00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:19,285
Very strapping.
241
00:10:19,285 --> 00:10:22,205
Your jaw is strong
like a magistrate's.
242
00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:25,208
A magistrate? Ooh.
243
00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:26,543
Hmm?
244
00:10:30,046 --> 00:10:31,631
"No cell service"?
245
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:34,259
How do people call for help
if they need it?
246
00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:36,052
Oh.
247
00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:38,013
Just 'cause a town
has a scary name
248
00:10:38,013 --> 00:10:39,639
doesn't mean it's evil.
249
00:10:47,605 --> 00:10:50,108
Okay, a gas station
that does not sell premium.
250
00:10:50,108 --> 00:10:51,276
We are gonna die.
251
00:10:51,276 --> 00:10:53,903
Been driving two days straight.
252
00:10:53,903 --> 00:10:55,530
Need an energy drink.
253
00:10:55,530 --> 00:10:58,283
- Monster?
- No. Why would you say that?
254
00:10:58,283 --> 00:11:02,787
I'll take a beverage,
and if they have Peanut M&M'S...
255
00:11:02,787 --> 00:11:05,457
Okay, we need a plan in case
this guy tries to kill us.
256
00:11:05,457 --> 00:11:07,125
I say hide behind Mia.
257
00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:09,127
She's got major
Final Girl energy.
258
00:11:09,127 --> 00:11:11,004
- What about me?
- You the clown.
259
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:13,381
The fact that you're still alive
is a miracle.
260
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:16,134
Hey, guys, he's not buying
an energy drink.
261
00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:19,054
He's got a shovel, duct tape,
and a plastic tarp.
262
00:11:19,054 --> 00:11:21,723
No Peanut M&M'S?
I know he heard me.
263
00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:23,183
Wait, he just grabbed
the energy drink.
264
00:11:25,226 --> 00:11:28,104
And he's bashing the cashier
to death with it.
265
00:11:28,104 --> 00:11:30,357
I'm calling
the Bloodville Police.
266
00:11:30,357 --> 00:11:32,025
No cell service!
267
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,443
Here he comes.
Run for it!
268
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,655
Hey, your M&M'S!
269
00:11:37,655 --> 00:11:40,033
- Oh, sweet.
- Duncan, no.
270
00:11:46,331 --> 00:11:48,249
How does he know where we are?
271
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:53,380
Hey, guys, hope you don't think
this bit is too corny.
272
00:11:53,380 --> 00:11:54,673
Oh.
273
00:11:54,673 --> 00:11:58,843
Oh, they were right.
The clown dies first.
274
00:11:58,843 --> 00:12:00,261
Don't die for a pun, Bex.
275
00:12:01,888 --> 00:12:03,682
- Whoo-hoo.
- ♪ Get out the way ♪
276
00:12:03,682 --> 00:12:07,060
♪ Old Dan Tucker, you're
too late to get your supper ♪
277
00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:10,313
Don't tell the pastor
I'm jigging so shamelessly.
278
00:12:10,313 --> 00:12:13,316
Oh, it feels good.
279
00:12:13,316 --> 00:12:15,944
Hurry up, Kimberly. Tell me
what my cousin is doing here.
280
00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:17,487
That fox is going
right through me.
281
00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:18,613
Okay, here it is.
282
00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:21,700
Winifred had a beau named
Jackariah Harrisburg.
283
00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:22,867
He was Dad's
284
00:12:22,867 --> 00:12:24,536
great-great-great-great-
great-cousin.
285
00:12:24,536 --> 00:12:27,288
- Here's a link to a drawing.
- Daddy.
286
00:12:27,288 --> 00:12:29,666
No wonder
she was hot for chops.
287
00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:32,210
That shady, stinky lady!
288
00:12:32,210 --> 00:12:34,713
Jackariah stood her up
on her wedding day,
289
00:12:34,713 --> 00:12:36,214
and she was never the same.
290
00:12:36,214 --> 00:12:38,258
She was committed
to the Home for Upset Women
291
00:12:38,258 --> 00:12:40,885
because
"the devil got her brain."
292
00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:42,345
What did I tell you, Mom?
293
00:12:42,345 --> 00:12:45,473
Her unfinished business is
getting up in Dad's business.
294
00:12:45,473 --> 00:12:46,975
That's it.
Get your sage.
295
00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:49,394
I'm sending this bitch
back to 1693.
296
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:51,229
This smelly bitch!
297
00:12:51,229 --> 00:12:54,149
Okay, Jing, once she's gone,
you're back to no cursing.
298
00:12:54,149 --> 00:12:55,233
Damn.
299
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,614
The jig is up, Winifred.
300
00:13:01,614 --> 00:13:04,617
Get your dead, filthy hands
off my husband.
301
00:13:04,617 --> 00:13:06,953
My chops!
302
00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:09,247
Mind your own business, cousin.
303
00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:12,709
Jack, this ghostly trollop
is trying to steal you from me.
304
00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:15,378
Dad, you look exactly like
your cousin Jackariah,
305
00:13:15,378 --> 00:13:17,047
the man who left her
at the altar.
306
00:13:17,047 --> 00:13:22,052
My God, I really would look good
in muttonchops.
307
00:13:22,052 --> 00:13:24,054
Like Wolverine! So hot!
308
00:13:24,054 --> 00:13:26,723
Jack, I'm taking you
to the spirit realm
309
00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:28,767
where we can spend eternity.
310
00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:30,894
I'm gonna jig your brains out.
311
00:13:30,894 --> 00:13:32,729
I don't think so, cuz.
312
00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:35,273
Kimberly, toilet sage her
back to hell.
313
00:13:35,273 --> 00:13:37,776
I banish thee
back to the afterlife.
314
00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:49,120
Wow. She really had me
under some kind of spell.
315
00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:50,914
That's the only
possible explanation
316
00:13:50,914 --> 00:13:53,583
for me being so into it, right?
Right?
317
00:13:53,583 --> 00:13:55,710
What a Witch Day.
318
00:13:55,710 --> 00:13:59,255
Okay, I'm gonna take my bra off
and drink wine.
319
00:13:59,255 --> 00:14:00,548
Hmm.
320
00:14:02,425 --> 00:14:06,179
I will not be abandoned
a second time.
321
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,764
That's Winifred!
322
00:14:09,307 --> 00:14:11,976
Whatever Dad did
in that bathroom ruined my sage.
323
00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:14,312
Why do we keep that damn doll?
324
00:14:15,397 --> 00:14:17,732
I'm dragging you to hell, Jack.
325
00:14:17,732 --> 00:14:19,943
Sorry about me
going bananas in your house.
326
00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:22,153
Hope these cannolis will--
327
00:14:22,153 --> 00:14:24,239
Help me, Little Joey!
328
00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:33,415
You are not dragging
my husband to the afterlife.
329
00:14:33,415 --> 00:14:36,126
We have parent-teacher
conferences next week.
330
00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,212
You can have his carcass.
331
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:42,090
I just need his soul.
332
00:14:44,509 --> 00:14:48,138
Back in my day,
this is how we said "hello."
333
00:14:49,431 --> 00:14:51,141
I'm not gonna let some
Cabbage Patch Kid
334
00:14:51,141 --> 00:14:52,392
kill my husband.
335
00:14:54,769 --> 00:14:57,522
Then you and all your children
will be cursed.
336
00:14:57,522 --> 00:14:59,232
Your tongues will become snakes,
337
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:01,985
jump down your throats,
and eat your intestines.
338
00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:06,906
- We'll miss you, Dad.
- Wait, don't curse anyone.
339
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:09,284
I'll come with you.
Just let me say goodbye.
340
00:15:09,284 --> 00:15:11,453
- Jack, no!
- I'll make it work.
341
00:15:11,453 --> 00:15:13,163
The kids can visit me
in the afterlife
342
00:15:13,163 --> 00:15:14,497
every other weekend.
343
00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:16,499
Sex is gonna be painful
and scary,
344
00:15:16,499 --> 00:15:18,043
but I'll get used to it.
345
00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:20,879
You're accepting this
way too easy.
346
00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:24,883
We can hide in there.
347
00:15:26,885 --> 00:15:29,220
No way. There's probably
old guys walking around
348
00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:30,722
in gowns with their butts out.
349
00:15:30,722 --> 00:15:32,182
Or we can die out here.
350
00:15:32,182 --> 00:15:34,184
Yeah, you could die out here.
351
00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:35,602
I'm rolling with Final Girl,
352
00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:38,229
but I will not be the dude
who sacrifices himself
353
00:15:38,229 --> 00:15:39,814
to buy you some extra time.
354
00:15:39,814 --> 00:15:41,483
You meddling kids.
355
00:15:46,321 --> 00:15:48,323
Down here.
356
00:15:48,323 --> 00:15:49,574
Yikes.
357
00:15:49,574 --> 00:15:51,493
The basement
of an insane asylum.
358
00:15:51,493 --> 00:15:53,453
Well, I'm crappin' my pants.
359
00:15:56,331 --> 00:15:58,416
You'll explain to Duncan
that the creepy doll
360
00:15:58,416 --> 00:16:00,043
possessed
by your ancestor's ghost
361
00:16:00,043 --> 00:16:02,337
- dragged me to the afterlife?
- Of course.
362
00:16:02,337 --> 00:16:04,422
So how would
you like to die, Jack?
363
00:16:04,422 --> 00:16:06,049
Well, I've given that
a lot of thought.
364
00:16:06,049 --> 00:16:08,218
Heroin is pretty rock and roll,
365
00:16:08,218 --> 00:16:10,428
but a feel a little weird
OD'ing in front of my kids.
366
00:16:10,428 --> 00:16:13,431
So will you shoot me while
I eat a quesadilla?
367
00:16:13,431 --> 00:16:15,558
Ooh, whatever my man wants.
368
00:16:16,935 --> 00:16:18,728
Please let me
make the quesadilla.
369
00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:20,271
I know how much butter he likes.
370
00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:22,190
- A lot.
- Pull it together, Mom.
371
00:16:22,190 --> 00:16:24,317
I'm gonna try a spell
to summon Jackariah,
372
00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:25,902
so Winifred will go back
with him.
373
00:16:25,902 --> 00:16:28,446
Jackariah Harris, I summon you
374
00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:32,033
to fetch Winifred, your bride.
375
00:16:32,033 --> 00:16:33,702
Huh?
376
00:16:33,702 --> 00:16:35,620
Well, that was a big nothing.
377
00:16:35,620 --> 00:16:38,707
It didn't work again.
You're bad at magic.
378
00:16:41,876 --> 00:16:45,255
Oink, meow to ye.
379
00:16:50,427 --> 00:16:52,595
Mr. Mitch,
you've got to help us.
380
00:16:52,595 --> 00:16:53,930
What the hell
is wrong with you?
381
00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:56,307
I'm gonna die.
Give Plague Mask the gift cards.
382
00:16:56,307 --> 00:16:57,600
That's the only way to stop it.
383
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,102
I dropped them in the cornfield.
384
00:16:59,102 --> 00:17:01,354
How much time before the
buzz saw tears your face off?
385
00:17:01,354 --> 00:17:02,439
Ten seconds.
386
00:17:02,439 --> 00:17:05,066
That's cutting it close.
Get it?
387
00:17:05,066 --> 00:17:06,776
How am I not dead yet?
388
00:17:07,944 --> 00:17:10,113
Stop! Don't kill him!
389
00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:15,285
There, I just sent
my embarrassing video
390
00:17:15,285 --> 00:17:16,703
to all my contacts.
391
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:19,789
Will you at least accept that?
392
00:17:19,789 --> 00:17:22,042
Oh, sure.
Now there's cell service.
393
00:17:24,502 --> 00:17:26,713
Hey, Mia, it's me, Duncan,
from high school
394
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:27,881
and, like, hanging out.
395
00:17:27,881 --> 00:17:30,258
Um, the first time I saw you,
I felt like I had to pee,
396
00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:31,509
but I didn't.
397
00:17:31,509 --> 00:17:33,553
Oh, that blows.
Start over. Okay.
398
00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,847
Hey, Mia, me go movies with you?
399
00:17:35,847 --> 00:17:37,432
Mom wants your dirty underwear.
400
00:17:37,432 --> 00:17:38,975
Get out!
401
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:41,644
Aw.
402
00:17:42,729 --> 00:17:45,815
Damn, you made
my squat video look good.
403
00:17:45,815 --> 00:17:48,943
Yeah, Duncan, you should've
waited another couple seconds.
404
00:17:48,943 --> 00:17:50,070
Happy Witch Day.
405
00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:52,655
I hope you enjoyed
Mr. Mitch's Midnight Massacre,
406
00:17:52,655 --> 00:17:54,657
a totally immersive
terror experience.
407
00:17:54,657 --> 00:17:56,409
Exit to your left.
408
00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:57,577
Huh?
409
00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:59,996
For once in my life,
I'm confused.
410
00:17:59,996 --> 00:18:01,373
Everything that happened tonight
411
00:18:01,373 --> 00:18:03,458
was a part
of my scary attraction.
412
00:18:03,458 --> 00:18:05,627
That's the back
of my booth right there.
413
00:18:05,627 --> 00:18:07,879
Wait. What about Plague Mask?
414
00:18:07,879 --> 00:18:09,714
That was just Mavis
wearing a mask
415
00:18:09,714 --> 00:18:11,174
filled with peanut butter.
416
00:18:13,551 --> 00:18:14,761
And that creepy Uber driver?
417
00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:17,389
Oh, that's Gerald Perry,
the school drama teacher.
418
00:18:17,389 --> 00:18:19,224
Get in here, Gerald.
419
00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:21,267
The world is a stage.
420
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,812
You were never in danger.
Nobody hacked your phones.
421
00:18:23,812 --> 00:18:25,855
But you leaked Mia's video.
422
00:18:25,855 --> 00:18:27,565
We saw her rip one.
423
00:18:27,565 --> 00:18:29,526
Actually, that video was a fake.
424
00:18:29,526 --> 00:18:31,236
I helped Mr. Mitch
put this all together
425
00:18:31,236 --> 00:18:34,030
because you guys said
you were too old to be scared.
426
00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:36,116
- Got ya.
- Oh, yeah.
427
00:18:36,116 --> 00:18:38,993
Uh, my video was fake, too.
Got ya.
428
00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:40,704
I hope I didn't traumatize you
too bad
429
00:18:40,704 --> 00:18:43,039
with all the thinking
you were gonna die and whatnot.
430
00:18:43,039 --> 00:18:45,291
Are you kidding me?
We'll need therapy for years.
431
00:18:45,291 --> 00:18:47,961
And that, my friend,
is entertainment.
432
00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:50,296
- Can we do it again?
- Give me a minute.
433
00:18:50,296 --> 00:18:53,133
This immersive experience
is a bitch to reset.
434
00:18:53,133 --> 00:18:54,634
Places.
435
00:18:55,969 --> 00:18:58,138
Too bad that video
was a fake, Duncan.
436
00:18:58,138 --> 00:18:59,723
I might've gone
to a movie with you.
437
00:18:59,723 --> 00:19:01,433
It was real.
438
00:19:01,433 --> 00:19:03,435
My underwear was filthy.
Ask Kimberly.
439
00:19:03,435 --> 00:19:07,397
I mean, uh,
me love go movie sometime.
440
00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:10,066
I am Jackariah Harrisburg,
441
00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:12,402
war hero and vigorous lover.
442
00:19:12,402 --> 00:19:14,112
Who disturbs my eternal rest?
443
00:19:14,112 --> 00:19:16,614
And why do I have
a little curly pig tail?
444
00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:19,034
'Cause she's bad at magic.
445
00:19:19,034 --> 00:19:21,536
Look, Winifred,
Jackariah came back for you.
446
00:19:21,536 --> 00:19:23,705
Jackariah, is it really you?
447
00:19:23,705 --> 00:19:25,415
Yes, 'tis me.
448
00:19:25,415 --> 00:19:27,167
I've been searching
the spirit realm
449
00:19:27,167 --> 00:19:29,711
to tell you I didn't stand
you up at our wedding.
450
00:19:29,711 --> 00:19:32,255
I was working overtime
at the mill when it collapsed.
451
00:19:32,255 --> 00:19:34,382
I was saving up
to buy you a goat.
452
00:19:34,382 --> 00:19:35,967
Oh, Jackariah.
453
00:19:35,967 --> 00:19:38,970
But my neck was snapped
by a big old bag of flour.
454
00:19:38,970 --> 00:19:40,555
I have loved only you
455
00:19:40,555 --> 00:19:42,766
and waited centuries
for us to be together.
456
00:19:42,766 --> 00:19:45,602
Are you ready
for some vigorous loving
457
00:19:45,602 --> 00:19:47,479
as my eternal wife?
458
00:19:47,479 --> 00:19:49,105
Nah. I have a new beau.
459
00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:51,983
Jack Harris, hunter of realtors.
460
00:19:51,983 --> 00:19:53,234
Hi.
461
00:19:53,234 --> 00:19:54,569
A new beau?
462
00:19:54,569 --> 00:19:55,820
Did you jig for him?
463
00:19:55,820 --> 00:19:58,656
Hey, did she jig for you?
Did you jig my wife?
464
00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:00,408
I don't think--
465
00:20:00,408 --> 00:20:02,202
- I don't even--
-'Tis a simple question!
466
00:20:02,202 --> 00:20:05,038
Did you jig my wife?
467
00:20:05,038 --> 00:20:06,373
Enough hocus pocus.
468
00:20:06,373 --> 00:20:09,793
Let's do this 21st-century style
and kick some ass.
469
00:20:25,850 --> 00:20:29,062
Yeah.
Always put away your toys.
470
00:20:29,062 --> 00:20:30,647
- Oh, what's going on?
- Let me go!
471
00:20:30,647 --> 00:20:31,815
Let us out of here!
472
00:20:31,815 --> 00:20:33,233
Oh, thank God.
473
00:20:33,233 --> 00:20:35,735
I can still feel
her slimy tongue in my ear.
474
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:37,821
Okay, somebody remind me
they're up there
475
00:20:37,821 --> 00:20:39,739
when we get
the Christmas decorations.
476
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:42,492
Nobody, dead or alive,
licks my man.
477
00:20:42,492 --> 00:20:44,077
Jig for me, baby.
478
00:20:48,665 --> 00:20:51,251
Of all the things I saw today,
this is what
479
00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:53,336
I'll have nightmares about.
480
00:20:57,757 --> 00:20:59,426
♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪
481
00:20:59,426 --> 00:21:01,678
♪ Throw a pine cone
on the fire ♪
482
00:21:01,678 --> 00:21:03,179
{\an8}Jack, I'm gonna go
up to the attic
483
00:21:03,179 --> 00:21:04,639
{\an8}to get
the Christmas decorations.
484
00:21:04,639 --> 00:21:06,182
{\an8}Okay, have fun.
485
00:21:07,684 --> 00:21:09,811
{\an8}Hi-ya!
486
00:21:09,811 --> 00:21:11,813
{\an8}Jack, I told you to remind me.
487
00:21:11,813 --> 00:21:14,232
{\an8}- About what?
- We're free!
488
00:21:14,232 --> 00:21:16,192
{\an8}Suck out their souls for energy.
489
00:21:16,192 --> 00:21:17,694
{\an8}On it!
490
00:21:20,030 --> 00:21:21,865
{\an8}Hey, my mom baked
Christmas cookies.
491
00:21:21,865 --> 00:21:24,284
Baby Jesus!
492
00:21:27,245 --> 00:21:29,164
{\an8}Ho, ho, ho.
493
00:21:29,164 --> 00:21:32,292
{\an8}Happy Witch Day, everyone.
494
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:38,298
{\an8}Captioned by Captionmax
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