Original subtitles

♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪

♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪

♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪

♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪

♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪

♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪

Ooh!

- Mommy! - Aaaaaaah!

- Duncan! - Duncan!

No, no, no.

Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell.

Oh, right, I was thinking of the vacuole.

Oh, stupid, Bex! Stupid!

You sure you can't make

my dad's birthday dinner, Dunker?

He's getting older and declining just enough

to forget how much he disapproves of me.

This could be the big hug, "Love you, son" year!

You poor, sweet, hopeful Daddy.

Uhh, that sounds so amazing,

but we really gotta nail this project.

Please give Grandpa my sincerest regards.

Mia, you are such a good influence on the group.

You've turned Dunkie into a little egghead.

What can I say?

This project's 30% of our grade,

which is, like, half.

It's a work in progress.

Can't I stay home too?

I'm bingeing Downton Abbey, and I'm obsessed.

They have accents,

so it's educational, guv'nor.

Nope, Kimberly.

You've gotta hold the phone when my dad gives me that hug.

Your mom always gets her thumb in the shot.

Yeah, I've ruined many a precious moment

with these lugs.

Don't say that, Mrs. Harris.

You've got bangin' thumbs.

All right. Let's get outta here.

Wait for it.

Go, go, go!

Bex, pizza.

Olive!

Ladies and gentlemen, tonight's presentation

includes blood, boobs, ding-dongs,

and decapitations.

I give you...

Reptilia!

I hear it's a metaphor for women taking up space

in a man's world, so I'm down.

You swore you wouldn't ruin this.

I'm still pumped to see ding-dongs.

Oh, I have feelings for you too, George.

But we have to repopulate our planet.

You cold-blooded bitch!

Damn, she's laying eggs in his head hole!

Dad, the bridge of communication

hasn't always reached across that endless chasm

between us, but I'm hoping this gift--

Yeah, yeah, yeah, hand over the goodies,

poetry boy.

It's a phone with giant numbers!

A phone? Who am I calling?

All my friends are dead, and I can handle crimes myself.

I put my number on speed dial.

You can call me, and maybe we can

finally start rebuilding our relationship?

Hello?

Did you get a gift receipt?

Hey, why don't we order food

and eat it as quickly as possible

so we can leave?

Ooh, I see what I want.

Everyone's so touchy these days.

George Bush Sr. did that all the time,

and everyone loved him.

Is the party over? Where's my gift bag?

No, no, I knew your grandfather

would do something horrendous,

so I have a cake at home.

Oh, quite a little woman you got there, Jackie.

Well, if you approve of her, you approve of me.

Never said that.

Put cake in my mouth, not words.

This is who you want to impress?

Hey, Dad, see that bail bond place?

I fixed the plumbing there the other day.

Pretty cool, huh?

He's asleep, Jack.

Thank you, Mr. President.

I've never laid eggs in a head...

of state.

Female president!

What the hell, Duncan?

Wha--Wolf! You trashed my house!

That's it, man. Friendship's over.

- Sick study group. - Learned a ton.

- Happy b-day, Dick. - Get a haircut.

Is that the filthy NC-17 lizard sex movie

Congress warned me about?

That movie costs, like, $30 to order.

He must have stolen your credit card PIN, Dad.

That's probably how he got those pizzas too.

Kick him out, and give me his room.

She's lying, Dad.

She's had it out for me since she was born.

So if I check my credit card right now on this phone,

I won't see any of those charges?

Absolutely not.

$140!

Fine, I stole from you and lied

but only because you don't trust me.

That's it, up to your room, and go to bed around,

uh, 11:00-ish.

Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite.

- I love you. - Oh, for crying out loud!

You call that putting your foot down?

Gonna throw up the steaks I had for breakfast and lunch.

Dad, wait, I can do better!

That was pathetic.

Anytime you gave me guff, I grabbed you by the shirt

and screamed in your face, "My roof, my rules!"

But you're too patient and understanding.

Apparently, you're not done breastfeeding.

It's humiliating.

My senior trolley's here.

Doesn't this thing go any faster?

You used my credit card, trashed the place,

and ruined big hug, "Love you" night

with my horrible father.

I was gonna pay you back if I got caught.

Too little, too late. You're cut off.

Don't ask me for one penny.

You can't do that!

The hell I can't! My roof, my rules!

Now, go to your room, slam the door,

and say, "I hate you!"

You can't tell me what to do.

I love you. Ha!

Dude, why are you making hobo lemonade?

My dad cut me off.

Can I have some of your French Stewart fries?

Sorry, I'm out.

Fine, I'll just lick salt and ketchup off my palms.

You gotta get some money, or I'm gonna puke.

Just get a job like the rest of us.

You all have jobs?

Is that where you are when I can't find you?

Yeah, Mia's at Papa Mom's,

Yangzi's at Teen Zone,

I work at the pet store, and Wolf--

Wait, what is it you do again?

My stepdad and I paint people's house numbers on the curb

and threaten them if they don't pay.

Money is power, D. You want your dad's respect.

Not really.

All right, you wanna be able to buy some fries.

More than anything in the world.

Then get a job and grab that power.

And the world will be yours.

Where'd you get that?

The pet store pays me in hamsters.

Keep the change.

Hmm?

Whoa, that's what John Wick used to kill those guys.

I want that job.

So, Duncan, do you have any knowledge of hardware,

and do you enjoy talking to people?

Are you gonna interview me

or just ask a bunch of questions?

I like him. What do you think, Fish Sticks?

Well, I'm hiring him anyway.

Thanks, Hal.

I'll earn your trust, Fish Sticks.

Hmm?

Well, you didn't steal from me,

and you didn't start a fire.

- You earned this. - Ooh! Ah, ah, ooh!

We're all yours, Duncan,

and your dad can't do anything about it.

Thanks, Quaker Oats guy.

I gotta say, I'm pretty disappointed

in Reptilia 2: Headless in Seattle.

Yeah, the franchise kind of lost the thread.

Too much love story.

I never thought I could settle

for one man's head hole,

but here I am.

Reptilia, I-- I took the job in Los Angeles.

Ahh!

I'll have what she's having--

a dismembered penis.

Yas, queen!

Unbelievable, Duncan! Again?

How'd you figure out my PIN?

Chill, Dad, Reptilia 2 is exclusive to Hulu,

which I paid for myself, along with these pizzas,

and I didn't ask you for one penny.

Buh, buh, buh! What about this mess?

It's all good, Pops.

I hired the classiest cleaning service in Oakdale.

Sir, would it have killed

your friends to take their shoes off?

Hush, Jingy.

Serve those garlic knots

before I give you a knot in the 'ead.

Have a slice and watch a movie,

fellow working stiffs.

My treat. I got a job at Hal's Hardware.

- Mmm! - Wow!

Look at our son, contributing to the family.

Wow, "My roof, my rules" actually worked.

I'm so proud of me and you, Duncan.

Stuffed crust?

Nicely done, our gainfully employed son!

Oh, Dunkie, you might not live

with us forever after all.

Sandwich kiss!

Mwah!

So... can we hit play?

Absolutely! We'll all watch as an unlikely family.

Okay, screeching lizard sex. Turn it off and go home.

Oh!

Jack, look what Mr. Responsibility

bought us for breakfast--

a chocolate fountain.

Grab a skewer, Dad.

Take your scrambled eggs for a dip.

Delicious! You know what else tastes good?

Having a third income.

Yeah, we don't have to work overtime anymore.

We finally have work-life balance,

like those Nordic countries always blabber about.

Maybe I'll come by the hardware store today

and do myself the honor of having my son sell me

some drain de-sludger.

I'd like that.

I'm divin' for strawberries, I am.

Jingy, you daft tosser, two more minutes,

and up to clean Duncan's quarters.

He's not paying us to swim in sweets.

I taste top-notch, I do.

Dad, wait until you approve of what I turned Duncan into.

You are gonna approve in your pants.

I thought you were taking me to the doctor.

Next stop, next stop. Duncan got a job.

Thought we might pop in and say hello.

Doctor said he had some urgent news

about my test results.

Said he legally had to tell me in person.

We'll get there.

Hey, D, you wanna grab a beer after work today?

Yeah, I do, but we can't.

Someday.

There he is, Joe Lunchpail.

Oh, hey, Dad, got your de-sludger.

Mmm, pumpkin spice.

How do you like that? Told my son

to do something, and he did it.

How do you approve me now?

Hmm, more so.

Go on, take him for a spin.

All right.

Make me a key, Red.

Sorry, I haven't been trained on the key machine yet.

But I can tell you seven ways you don't know

you're harassing women in the workplace.

I know all the ways I'm harassing women.

Just make the damn key.

Dad, let me handle this.

Duncan, impress my father and make the damn key.

What's your deal?

Last night, you were sandwich kissing me.

I'm putting my foot down, that's my deal.

- Now, go make that key. - Well--

What the hell's a sandwich kiss?

It's a little trick I use to keep him in line.

Pretty approvable, right?

Ow! Father, your key.

Wow, you showed your son who's in charge.

Approval accomplished.

My roof, my rules, right?

Ah, yeah.

I can't believe he came to my place of part-time work

and humiliated me in front of Fish Sticks.

Damn, Duncan, your dad's turned into a real Dick Jr.

I thought he was proud of me, but all he wants to do

is boss me around and brag about his roof.

Duncan, look around.

You are surrounded by shingles

and strapped with an employee discount.

Out-roof that man, and it's your rules.

Damn, you're good. Let me buy you a beer.

Someday.

Hi, I'm Guy Fieri,

and this is Guy Fieri's Dumpster Dive.

The great thing about eating from a hospital dumpster

is that sometimes they hide meds in the pudding.

Oh, holy moly, stromboli, E. coli!

That's what I call loaded pudding.

Mommy, can we do that?

No, Guy is a professional human garbage disposal.

He just makes grossness look fun.

He's sweating a lot.

Hey, there's our workingman.

Ugh. Hey, Mom. Nice to see you.

Hmm.

Hey! Guy Fieri was just stumbling into the ER.

Quiet, baby Yoda's talking.

Awww!

Nice try, Duncan, but my roof, my rules.

Yeah, about that.

You know that bad patch of roof

over your bathroom?

While you guys were out, I replaced it.

Huh?

Oh, Dunkie, thank you.

I am so tired of bats leering at me while I'm in the tub.

So now it's my roof, my rules.

That's not how roof rules work.

Remember, you're proud of your son,

and it's just one TV show.

Okay, okay. Good one, Duncan.

I'm fine watching The Mandalorian with you.

Is your room clean?

What? Of course it is.

Really?

So if I go up there right now, I'm not gonna see

your dirty plumber clothes on the floor?

Oh, you're lucky I'm dying to see The Mandalorian.

That's what I thought.

So Duncan's in charge now?

Holy moly, stromboli!

Stupid mattress.

Stupid Duncan, paying to fix the roof,

using my words against me.

Oh! Oh! Hey!

Oh, Jack.

If you thought baby Yoda was trouble, this season,

they've got a toddler Chewbacca who is a handful.

It's not fair, Annie.

He doesn't get to boss me around

just 'cause he put some shingles on the roof.

It's just a natural rite of passage when the child

tests the boundaries of the father-son power dynamic.

I read all about it in this great parenting book

by a socialite mom with four nannies.

Hey, bud, I know I came down a little hard on you,

but nice work.

Thank you, Duncan.

That's very generous of you.

In fact, why don't you take the trash out

and call it a night?

I already did.

So if I go into that kitchen right now--

Annie!

Feeling his oats, Jack. Calm down.

And that trash really does need to go out.

It's disgusting.

It's not fair!

Well, life ain't fair!

Hey, Duncan, could you please move?

You're in my space.

It's my space now.

You can park under that tree

full of diarrhea birds.

Oh, you gotta be-- you gotta be kidding me.

Hey!

I just got home from work.

Can I have five minutes of peace and quiet

while I drink my Dew?

By the way, hair's looking a little shaggy

in the back, Poetry Boy.

Whoa, whoa.

You're doing great, honey.

Building a confident young man.

Jack, come here.

What do you need, my man?

Oh! Duncan, come on.

Get me some toilet paper.

Get your own toilet paper.

Really? You want me to stand up

and get doo-doo all over the house?

I'm shutting this door.

Hold on, mister.

The rotisserie chicken in the fridge,

did you really not see my name on it?

Two words: military school!

I can't take it anymore.

He's not becoming a young man.

He's becoming an old bastard.

Well, let's see, Binky says he'll go too far,

but then he'll recalibrate

and a new, beautiful family structure will emerge.

We have to trust Binky.

Dad, I had a lot of time to think on the can,

and I know I've been pushing you lately.

We need to do something different.

You mean like the emergence of a new family structure?

Sure, yeah. So anyway,

I'm sleeping in your bed tonight.

You guys go sleep wherever.

Not my room, though.

What?

I work and go to school.

You guys just work.

My money puts a roof over your head,

rotisserie chicken in your mouths,

and ad-free Hulu in your face.

It is my roof-given right to sleep in your bed

and enjoy cooling memory gel at least twice a week.

Anyway, you guys get your stuff together,

I'm gonna blast my butt with your hand shower.

Okay, before you say anything,

I'm just gonna skip to the end of the book.

Okay. Ooh, there's a supplement!

Her son wrote it.

From jail.

Oh, my God, he killed her.

And they made a Lifetime movie about it

with Kaley Cuococo.

Jack, you've let your son do whatever he wants for too long.

Take control!

Ah, butt blasted.

♪ I'm a workingman ♪

♪ With a big old bed and I can... ♪

We're taking back control of the house.

Duncan, go to your room.

This is my room.

That's it, Duncan. You're grounded.

Oh, yeah? Then I'm canceling

all the streaming services I pay for.

Wha--but The Mandalorian finale is next week.

Binky's right, Jack. Let him do what he wants.

Binky's dead, Annie!

I pay for things too, Duncan.

I'll shut off the electricity.

Your precious toast just turned to bread.

I already got a generator at Hal's with my discount.

Jingy, Kimberly, fetch me my diesel.

Crikey, that's heavy.

That's it. I always swore

I'd never use my dad's favorite threat, but...

I brought you into this world,

and I can take you out.

Hello, Child Protective Services.

Yeah, my dad just threatened to kill me.

Sure, I'll hold.

You didn't really call 'em.

If your dad brought you into this world

and threatened to take you out, press one.

He's not bluffing, Jack.

I don't care! I'm taking my roof back!

Over my freshly blasted butt!

Duncan and Dad are gonna fight on the roof.

Roof fight, yay!

I never thought I'd have to make this call.

Your nickel, start talking.

Holy hell.

Okay, I'm catching the next senior trolley.

Be there in four hours.

- Mr. Harris, your pants! - No time!

You shouldn't have stolen from me!

You should've let me entertain!

You shouldn't have made me watch you poop!

You're the one who didn't close your eyes, perv.

You guys wanna see my son and grandson in a fight?

Jack, did you try, "I brought you into this world"?

Yes! That's how we wound up here!

How about, "I'll give you something to cry about"?

Oh, "How'd you like a knuckle sandwich?"

"I'll knock you into the middle of next week"?

That always kept me in line.

That's it.

I'm going up there and wipe that smile

off both your faces.

Ladies, enrage me.

- Give me old-man strength. - Okay.

Everyone should get to vote.

Open the borders!

Love is love!

Green New Deal.

Wow, look at that old boomer go.

Really wish he had put on pants.

What the hell has gotten into you two?

Oh, Dad, I tried to be like you

to get your approval, but it just ended up

making my son hate me, and I don't want that.

I don't hate you.

I just wanted to see how it feels

to be the man of the house like you are.

You see me as the man of the house?

Once in a while, yeah.

Oh. Bring it in.

Well, the important thing is,

you two wanted to kill each other,

and that's a father-son relationship I can respect.

Here it comes,

the big hug, "Love you, son."

Stop making it weird.

My balls are cold.

Close enough.

Wow, Grandpa.

Those are cold.

What a beautiful night.

Ah, just think, somewhere out there,

the Mandalorian hunts for his next meal.

This is actually kinda nice.

I'm glad Duncan and Dad lost their minds.

Oh, I love seeing the sky.

Will you fall through the roof in my bedroom?

Sure, Jingy. Whatever you want.

Well, I'm not going up there again to fix it.

Jack, hand me some toilet paper.

I'll take care of it.

Aw, three generations of Harris men

rolling up their sleeves, fixing a roof,

and illegally dumping tiles behind a CVS.

Ow!

Guy Fieri?

You're a Guy guy too, Dad?

Hell yeah, the TV at the home

is stuck on the Food Channel.

Uh, you filming a new episode, Guy?

Yeah, CVS dumpsters are top-notch, baby.

These peanut butter crackers pair nicely

with this expired cough syrup.

Mmm.

Dad, I don't see any cameras.

Holy moly, stromboli, Angelina Jolie!

Look at the size of this receipt!

Keep smiling, and get in the truck.

He's weird as hell, but it was still cool to meet him.

Flavortown!

Captioned by Captionmax