Original subtitles

♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪

♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪

♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪

♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪

♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪

♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪

Ooh!

- Mommy! - Aaaaaaah!

- Duncan! - Duncan!

How long is he gonna be down there?

Yeah, I've had three cups of gravy since he started.

All right, I fixed it.

You just need to give it ten seconds to reset,

or I'm gonna have to do this all over again--

Aah!

Three, two...

Toilet's clogged again!

Okay.

"Quit your band. Be a plumber." Thanks, Dad.

Oh, Jack, thank God you're up.

Today's the day Main Street's switching from diagonal parking

to straight, and it could get ugly.

I need you to take the kids to school,

'cause the bus just went by while I was talking,

so now they're late. Bye, pray for me!

Come on, Dad, let's go.

I'll slap him awake.

No, it's my turn.

Too late!

Let's go, let's go! Ow, my face.

I'm gonna be tardy.

Tardy!

Have fun, sweetie.

Whee!

No time to stop, Duncan. Jump!

Cool!

Oh, no, I was supposed to build

a model of a working heart.

I totally forgot because I didn't care at all.

You have to write me a note saying you and mom are

having trouble at home and I'm going through a tough time.

No, but if I buy you a finished project

and you don't suffer any consequences for your laziness,

will you finally learn your lesson?

It's possible.

Okay, digestive, brain-- where are the human hearts?

Damn it!

Dad, can I get a rock tumbler I'll never use?

Sure, kitten.

Sorry, Kimberly, but I'm gonna have to tell

your teacher the truth.

Hello, Mrs. Drooker, I'm afraid Kimberly Harris...

Won't be in today.

Her mother and I are having trouble at home,

and she's going through a tough time.

Uh, no, I'm not ready to date yet.

No, my wife's not ready either.

Yes, I'll let you know.

Thanks, Dad. Let's do it again next week.

Wait, you and Mom are on the rocks?

What the hell, Duncan?

When I jumped, my hoodie got caught in the door.

Why didn't you just take it off?

Once you hit 90 on the freeway, I passed out.

Can we get ice cream?

Oh, my God, kids, I see something way better

than ice cream-- a treasured memory

from my past.

Ronnie D's Axe Hole.

- What? - Ugh.

When I was your age, the Axe Hole

was where me and my friends went to shred our cares away,

and Ronnie D was like a second father.

Okay, I bought you guys beer,

but you have to swear to me that you're all at least 15.

I'm only 14.

Appreciate the honesty. You earned this, buddy.

Oh, my God, it's just like I remember!

It must be so exciting to see this place

through your teenage eyes.

Jumpin' Jack Harris?

Ronnie D!

Uncle Ronnie!

I haven't seen you in 20 years. You look--

Ohh!

Anyway, what have you been up to?

Ah, still rocking the dream.

How about you? You on tour? Just passing through town?

No, I kinda gave the music thing up,

got married, became a plumber, had these little rug rats.

But, man, I envy you, coming in here every day,

getting to rock while I'm snaking bathrooms

for gravy-filled truckers.

Ha, well, there's only one thing you're plumbing here:

the depths of rock.

Wanna jam, Jackie?

I need those tasty licks in my earholes.

- Ew. - Gross.

Let's go!

♪ Old friend came into my music store ♪

♪ Bitchin' that my life was such a bore ♪

♪ I said, "Wanna jam?" ♪

♪ He said, "Okay" ♪

♪ And we're gonna keep this up all day ♪

♪ Rock! ♪

♪ We're climbin' up amps and rockin' like champs ♪

♪ You're movin' too slow, hurry up, Gramps ♪

♪ Shakin', wobblin' while I climb ♪

♪ Wah-wah, Ronnie, please stop your cryin' ♪

♪ Seriously, Jack, I'm getting' concerned ♪

♪ Well, I guess chicken is what you've turned ♪

♪ I'll show you, I'll stand on one foot ♪

♪ Bow to me, Jack, I'm the god of ♪

Whoa!

The god of what? What was the rhyme?

I think he's really hurt.

Was his foot always backwards?

Call 911 or...

♪ 867-5309 ♪

This is my fault, Ronnie.

I should have never made you rock so hard.

You're Jumpin' Jack Harris.

You're supposed to rock hard, damn it,

not be a lame plumber.

Not have these lame kids.

I'm sorry, but you guys suck.

You didn't even touch your beers.

Oh, I'm sorry, Uncle Ronnie.

Jack, I need to tell you something.

The city's always hated this place

because of our rebel spirit and noise complaints

and giving alcohol to minors.

- Fascists. - If I'm not here,

it's just the excuse they need to shut me down.

And the rats.

This place can't close.

It's gotta be here 20 years from now

when I accidentally stop by again.

Destiny brought you here, Jack,

so you could injure me and buy the Axe Hole.

You can inspire the next generation to rock

the way I inspired you.

I wanna listen to destiny,

but I half-heartedly told my wife

that my rocker days were behind me.

Come on, who wears

the leopard-print pants in the family?

Only you have what it takes to keep this store open

from 12:00 to 4:00 three days a week.

What will it be, Jack-- plumbing or strumming?

Oh, why'd you have to rhyme it?

Okay, I'll buy the store.

Take my vest. You're the rock god now.

Eeee!

What do you think, kids?

This must look really cool

from your point of view, huh?

You bought a music store?

Come on, Annie, I don't want the Axe Hole

to go out of business.

It'd be like you seeing that fabric store close.

Don't even joke about that.

I understand your attachment to that place, Jack,

but buying it just feels so impulsive.

Impulsive? I want a divorce!

I'm sorry, it's just

that Ronnie D is on our porch right now

'cause I said you'd nurse him back to health

while I'm busy running the store

I bought without consulting you.

'Sup, blondie? Got a beer to wash down this painkiller?

Coming right up.

Okay, Kimberly, you're gonna be running the register,

taking inventory, and developing strategies

to optimize profitability.

- What do you want me to do? - Uh...

you can stand outside and hold this sign.

All right, let's open for rock-ness.

Dad, you can't just say "rock" for everything.

My rock-pologies.

What up, Duncan?

My dad bought this guitar dump

and gave Kimberly the easy job,

so I'm out here busting my ass.

Mind if I take your sign for a spin?

Yeah!

Whoa, how'd you learn to do that?

When I was a kid, my uncle ran a sex shop,

and I used to help out at Christmas.

With a sign shaped like an arrow?

Kinda. That's where I got addicted

- to the honk. - The honk?

It's applause for sign spinners.

Yeah, that's right.

Yeah. Whoa!

Wow, I want that sweet sound.

I want it bad.

Ugh, no one honked, and I did exactly what you did.

Looks like I gotta Mr. Mitchyagi your ass.

Spin the sign. Don't let the sign spin you.

Spin sign, no spin me.

Windmill, head spin, knee bounce.

Great spinning, kid!

He did get good fast, Mavis.

So one time, I'm super wasted at a Sabbath show,

and I try to grab the bat out of Ozzy's mouth.

For some reason, I need a taste.

I climb onstage, and security starts whaling on me.

Long story short, the Ozzy Osbourne

kicked me right in the nads.

Hey, you needed a taste.

Hey, Ronnie, the CVS wouldn't let me buy

Orange Crush and vodka at 8:00 a.m., so...

I know that's not true.

Fine. I just thought a healthy breakfast

might speed up the healing

and moving out of my house process.

Oh, pancakes and orange juice.

The perfect all-American, plastic-fantastic

Madison Avenue corporate sellout breakfast.

And cantaloupe.

God, Annie, how can Jumpin' Jack Harris stand

living in this three-bedroom, four-bath coffin?

You haven't seen our mudroom.

It's got cubbies for all of our kids' boots and rain gear.

♪ When our shoes are brown and muddy ♪

♪ We put 'em in our cubby ♪

♪ 'Cause Mommy ain't our damn maid ♪

♪ Boop ♪

See, we still rock out.

All I know is that you're living

in a mind prison of your own--

Damn, these pancakes are delicious.

I put Nutella in them.

I've wasted my life!

Rock and roll is a lie.

Life is all about family.

Wow, Ronnie, you are a man of extremes.

Gimme that honk approval.

Hey, Duncan, wanna come with us

to an abandoned amusement park

that still has power?

I'm gonna ride the Decapitator

even though that kid got decapitated.

Sorry, I don't have time for kids' stuff anymore.

I've found my purpose in life,

and I look like a total hottie in this tank top.

Hey, teens, who's ready to be inspired?

- Not really. - I'm good.

- No. - Nope.

I'll be sad, and it'll be awkward...

The next time you see me.

Welcome to the magical world

of rock and roll.

Mia, you worship Satan, right?

Well, I'm fascinated in the Satan myth

as a structure by which our moral codes are--

Yeah, yeah, yeah, put this guitar on.

Aren't these made with child labor?

If so, those are some pretty cool kids.

Yangzi, my man, what can I set you up with?

Well, I am in the market for some new DJ equipment.

DJ? Nope, nope, wrong.

You want this keytar, huh?

Huh? Listen to this.

Yeah, I'm gonna need you to get this thing the hell off me.

Wolf, you have disaffected youth

written all over you.

Pick anything you want.

I do need a microphone.

Yeah, front man!

No, my mom's last husband murdered a guy,

and I'm doing a podcast about it.

Okay, you teens gotta leave. Stop loitering.

Come back when you're ready to shred.

What about you, sweetie? You're into Satan, right?

Yeah, but not musically.

Annie, you cannot tell anyone I color my hair.

I never would have guessed if you hadn't started sweating.

Gotta admit this is kinda nice.

When I do it myself, I just dunk my head

in a bucket like an Easter egg.

This is just another plus of having

someone special in your life.

Yeah, it is. And I do.

Oh, you have someone special?

You didn't tell me that.

She's a beautiful woman.

Three kids.

Voice is a little annoying, but I could get used to it.

Well, maybe I'll get a chance to meet her sometime.

It's you, Mommy! He's even pointing at you!

- Mm! - I want it all, Annie.

I wanna eat cookies in bed with you.

I wanna sing the cubby song with you.

By the way, it needs a bridge.

I wanna be doing dishes and you put your arms

around my waist and say, "Hey, babe," and I giggle.

I'm married to Jack.

That's cool. Little tweak.

I'm doing dishes. You and Jack come in.

He slides his hand on my lower back:

"Lookin' kinda sudsy there, Ronnie."

Hey, uh, Ronnie, would you leave my home?

Whoa, bitchin' shirt.

Can I rock you, or are you just rocking?

Yeah, I've got a passion.

My parents just don't get it.

Been there, man.

Gotta do what your heart's telling you.

You're right. I'll take all of these.

An entire bowl of guitar picks?

Kimberly, ring up my little shredder.

Oh, I don't play.

I just chuck 'em at squirrels' heads.

I told you, it's my passion.

That kid used to go to my school.

He's messed up. He threw a dart

at the gym coach and got suspended.

Oh, you think you're cute, nut boy?

I don't get it, Kimberly.

Why doesn't this place mean to kids what it meant to me?

Doesn't anyone wanna play an instrument

and feel its power to change the world?

That was a long time ago, Dad.

If we wanna change the world, we use our phones,

and if we wanna make music, we also use our phones.

Hey, we should turn this into a phone store.

Hmm?

That's an E chord.

Doesn't that make your heart start racing

and wanna play a song that makes people do this?

♪ Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

God, no. Sorry, Dad, but rock is dead.

Never! There's gotta be one kid out there who gets it.

Hi, looking for a rebellious store

to hang your band flyer?

Nah, my stupid dad's an IRS agent

and makes me work with him on Saturdays.

Give him the notice, Cheryl.

I'm giving him the notice, Dad!

You're hereby notified that you owe $200,000

in back taxes, payable by 5:00 p.m. today,

or we will repossess all assets,

including your home.

- Happy now? - Very.

Now let's go shut down Katie's Cupcakes!

Fine, but you're buying me one first.

Looks like Ronnie D played you like...

whatever that thing is over there.

It's a guitar. You were just holding it!

Come on, Kimberly, time for me to kill my hero.

- Ow! - I'm sorry, dude.

Your ponytail makes you look like a squirrel.

Oh, yeah, honk me up.

I need your tasty honks in my earholes.

Whoo!

Honk-whoo? You can get a honk-whoo?

Huh?

Mr. Mitch, this is my turf.

Sorry, I was inspired by how I inspired you.

Plus, I miss those addictive-ass honks.

You don't get honks for teaching kids math.

Barely get health insurance.

Uh!

Oof!

But getting honks is the first time I've felt alive,

and spinning is my ticket out of this hellhole town.

The street's not big enough for the two of us, Mr. Mitch.

Are you challenging me to a spin-off?

Bet your ass I am.

Loser leaves town forever.

No, wait. Winner leaves.

I gotta get out of this hellhole town.

You lying, bloated booze bag!

Daddy's home!

Hello, my little angel.

You lying, bloated booze bag!

You exploited my love of your Axe Hole.

Now I owe the IRS 200 grand,

or they're gonna take my home!

What do you have to say for yourself?

- Wanna jam? - You know it.

Wait, no, your rockin' voodoo

won't work on me anymore.

How could you do that to me?

Musicians never screw each other over money.

Let me tell you something, Jackie.

You think I enjoyed running that place,

always having to retune the instruments

after you and your friends played them all day

and didn't buy anything?

Kids constantly shoplifting from me?

Sleeping every night in a plush

velvet-lined guitar case?

I would love that.

Yeah, I slept like a baby.

Sure, I could have taken the little money I had

and paid my taxes.

But you know what I did instead?

You bought kids beer.

That's right, little lady.

I bought kids beer.

Wow, I had no idea

our never buying anything and constant stealing

would somehow affect your business.

Can you ever forgive me?

Embrace me, Lord of the Strings.

This is all very moving, but can we get back

to the IRS taking our house?

What are we gonna do?

There is one way out.

The only bill I ever made sure to pay

was the fire insurance because I often fall asleep

in my guitar case while smoking.

So badass.

Let's say we were to, I don't know,

play a farewell concert and set off some,

I don't know, pyro that was

accidentally pointed at the store.

The Axe Hole goes up in, I don't know, "flames,"

insurance pays the IRS, and we get to keep our,

I don't know, house. I love it.

Wait, are you talking about committing insurance fraud?

Come on, Annie, be cool.

I'm almost a low-level police officer.

But who's your favorite TV mom?

Carmela Soprano.

And what would Carmela do?

Oh, she'd say, "I don't wanna know about it, Tony.

Just get it done and buy me a $2,000 cappuccino machine."

Aw, that's my little mob wife.

Hmm?

Jack, these are my ex-wives, Roxette and Foxy.

- Ex-wives, this is Jack. - Ladies.

Okay, Ronnie, this is my first insurance fraud.

- How does it work? - Easy-peasy.

At the peak moment of our mind-roasting

dueling guitar solo, you hit this pedal,

which will trigger the pyro

"accidentally" aimed at the store,

and goodbye, you friggin' Axe Hole.

Okay, this is my first sign spin-off.

How does it work?

Didn't you challenge me?

Enough talk! Let's do this!

Cool. And may the best man spin.

Why do we have to wear these, Mommy?

'Cause I love cappuccino.

- Now, be quiet, Meadow. - Who's Meadow?

Oakdale!

Are you ready to rock?

Meh.

Yeah, that sounds right.

Two, three, four.

♪ So this ain't the end, I saw you again ♪

♪ Today ♪

♪ I had to turn my heart away ♪

♪ Smiled like the sun, kisses for everyone ♪

♪ And tales, it never fails ♪

♪ You're lying so low in the weeds ♪

♪ I bet you you're gonna ambush me ♪

♪ You'd have me down, down, down, down ♪

♪ Down on my knees ♪

♪ Now, wouldn't you, barracuda? ♪

Shouldn't we be supporting Duncan?

No, two old guys are playing guitar.

Whoo! I love whatever kind of music this is called.

Hey, you closed down my mom's cupcake shop.

Whoo!

Oh, my God, they love it.

I don't want this to end.

We can't destroy the Axe Hole.

I'll go bankrupt. I don't care.

We'll run the store together.

I'll move in with you and Annie.

- We already discussed it. - Huh?

Did someone say keep on rockin'?

Yeah!

- Whew. - Oh, it's a dud.

Ronnie D! Rock on!

Wanna jam?

It's a miracle!

The inflatable pig survived totally untouched.

And my Hustlers!

Goodbye, Flying V.

Goodbye, keytar.

Goodbye, maraca.

Goodbye, other maraca.

Sorry your dreams burned, honey,

but you really did sound good up there.

I failed, Annie.

I did all of this to inspire one kid

to find the joy in music that I did.

Hey, Dad, how did you get your guitar

to make that crazy sound?

Really?

Uh, well, you just have

to use the whammy bar.

Let me show you. First place your fingers--

I remember. E chord.

Now whammy that sucker.

Cool. Dad, are you crying?

No, no, no, it's all the smoke and carcinogens.

Just keep playing.

Oh, God, you're gonna rebuild the store, aren't you?

Mm-hmm.

Yeezy one, two. Yeezy one, two.

Okay, let's do this.

Welcome to Cry Wolf, episode one.

In the summer of 2019, my mom told me to mow the lawn.

That's when I noticed my stepdad's garden shears

were missing, and so was the ceramics instructor

at the local community college.

The secrets I would unravel were dark,

tantalizing, and delicious,

kinda like the portobello mushroom burger

I get delivered every day from the new food service

Yum Tummy.

♪ Yum Tummy ♪

♪ It'll make your tummy go, "Yum!" ♪

Use the promo code "wolf" at checkout.

Dale DeRoca was born in a small mining town

in eastern Pennsylvania, but he lied when he met my mom

and said he was from central Pennsylvania.

He said a lot that night at TGI Fridays

as the drinks flowed

and, later, their white-hot passion.

And subscribe.

Ooh, Yum Tummy.

Captioned by Captionmax