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1
00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:04,921
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
2
00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:08,967
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
3
00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:13,096
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
4
00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:17,058
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
5
00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:21,521
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
6
00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:23,648
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
7
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:25,984
Ooh!
8
00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:27,652
- Mommy!
- Aaaaaaah!
9
00:00:27,652 --> 00:00:29,195
- Duncan!
- Duncan!
10
00:00:37,287 --> 00:00:39,164
{\an8}How long is he
gonna be down there?
11
00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:42,250
{\an8}Yeah, I've had three cups
of gravy since he started.
12
00:00:43,793 --> 00:00:45,962
All right, I fixed it.
13
00:00:45,962 --> 00:00:48,298
{\an8}You just need to give it
ten seconds to reset,
14
00:00:48,298 --> 00:00:50,216
{\an8}or I'm gonna have
to do this all over again--
15
00:00:50,216 --> 00:00:52,010
{\an8}Aah!
16
00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:53,845
{\an8}Three, two...
17
00:00:53,845 --> 00:00:55,180
Toilet's clogged again!
18
00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:56,890
{\an8}Okay.
19
00:00:56,890 --> 00:01:00,185
{\an8}"Quit your band. Be a plumber."
Thanks, Dad.
20
00:01:01,144 --> 00:01:02,562
{\an8}Oh, Jack,
thank God you're up.
21
00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:05,565
{\an8}Today's the day Main Street's
switching from diagonal parking
22
00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:07,233
{\an8}to straight,
and it could get ugly.
23
00:01:07,233 --> 00:01:08,651
{\an8}I need you to take
the kids to school,
24
00:01:08,651 --> 00:01:10,445
{\an8}'cause the bus just went by
while I was talking,
25
00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:12,572
{\an8}so now they're late.
Bye, pray for me!
26
00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:14,657
{\an8}Come on, Dad, let's go.
27
00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:17,535
{\an8}I'll slap him awake.
28
00:01:17,535 --> 00:01:18,787
{\an8}No, it's my turn.
29
00:01:18,787 --> 00:01:19,913
{\an8}Too late!
30
00:01:19,913 --> 00:01:22,332
{\an8}Let's go, let's go!
Ow, my face.
31
00:01:22,332 --> 00:01:24,000
{\an8}I'm gonna be tardy.
32
00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:25,210
{\an8}Tardy!
33
00:01:25,960 --> 00:01:27,462
Have fun, sweetie.
34
00:01:27,462 --> 00:01:29,214
Whee!
35
00:01:32,133 --> 00:01:33,885
{\an8}No time to stop, Duncan.
Jump!
36
00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:35,512
{\an8}Cool!
37
00:01:37,597 --> 00:01:39,182
{\an8}Oh, no, I was
supposed to build
38
00:01:39,182 --> 00:01:40,684
{\an8}a model of a working heart.
39
00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:43,019
{\an8}I totally forgot because
I didn't care at all.
40
00:01:43,019 --> 00:01:44,521
{\an8}You have to write me a note
saying you and mom are
41
00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:46,773
{\an8}having trouble at home and I'm
going through a tough time.
42
00:01:46,773 --> 00:01:48,900
No, but if I buy you
a finished project
43
00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:51,569
and you don't suffer any
consequences for your laziness,
44
00:01:51,569 --> 00:01:53,697
will you finally
learn your lesson?
45
00:01:53,697 --> 00:01:54,781
It's possible.
46
00:01:58,034 --> 00:02:02,497
Okay, digestive, brain--
where are the human hearts?
47
00:02:03,331 --> 00:02:04,708
Damn it!
48
00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:07,002
Dad, can I get a rock tumbler
I'll never use?
49
00:02:07,002 --> 00:02:08,712
Sure, kitten.
50
00:02:09,713 --> 00:02:10,964
Sorry, Kimberly,
but I'm gonna have to tell
51
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:12,507
your teacher the truth.
52
00:02:12,507 --> 00:02:15,218
Hello, Mrs. Drooker,
I'm afraid Kimberly Harris...
53
00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:17,637
Won't be in today.
54
00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:19,389
Her mother and I are
having trouble at home,
55
00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:21,182
and she's going
through a tough time.
56
00:02:21,182 --> 00:02:24,144
Uh, no,
I'm not ready to date yet.
57
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:25,895
No, my wife's
not ready either.
58
00:02:25,895 --> 00:02:27,522
Yes, I'll let you know.
59
00:02:27,522 --> 00:02:29,357
Thanks, Dad.
Let's do it again next week.
60
00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:31,359
Wait, you and Mom
are on the rocks?
61
00:02:31,359 --> 00:02:33,111
What the hell, Duncan?
62
00:02:33,111 --> 00:02:35,113
When I jumped, my hoodie
got caught in the door.
63
00:02:35,113 --> 00:02:36,698
Why didn't you
just take it off?
64
00:02:36,698 --> 00:02:38,992
Once you hit 90 on the freeway,
I passed out.
65
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:41,536
Can we get ice cream?
66
00:02:41,536 --> 00:02:44,456
Oh, my God, kids,
I see something way better
67
00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:46,124
than ice cream--
a treasured memory
68
00:02:46,124 --> 00:02:47,834
from my past.
69
00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:52,047
Ronnie D's Axe Hole.
70
00:02:52,047 --> 00:02:53,423
- What?
- Ugh.
71
00:02:53,423 --> 00:02:55,633
When I was your age,
the Axe Hole
72
00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:59,387
was where me and my friends
went to shred our cares away,
73
00:02:59,387 --> 00:03:02,682
and Ronnie D
was like a second father.
74
00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:04,476
Okay, I bought you guys beer,
75
00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:07,520
but you have to swear to me
that you're all at least 15.
76
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:08,938
I'm only 14.
77
00:03:08,938 --> 00:03:11,691
Appreciate the honesty.
You earned this, buddy.
78
00:03:15,820 --> 00:03:18,865
Oh, my God,
it's just like I remember!
79
00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:20,867
It must be so exciting
to see this place
80
00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:22,577
through your teenage eyes.
81
00:03:29,501 --> 00:03:31,419
Jumpin' Jack Harris?
82
00:03:31,419 --> 00:03:33,338
Ronnie D!
83
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,507
Uncle Ronnie!
84
00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:38,385
I haven't seen you in 20 years.
You look--
85
00:03:38,385 --> 00:03:40,220
Ohh!
86
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:42,347
Anyway,
what have you been up to?
87
00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:44,349
Ah, still rocking the dream.
88
00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:46,935
How about you? You on tour?
Just passing through town?
89
00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:48,687
No, I kinda gave
the music thing up,
90
00:03:48,687 --> 00:03:52,107
got married, became a plumber,
had these little rug rats.
91
00:03:52,107 --> 00:03:55,276
But, man, I envy you,
coming in here every day,
92
00:03:55,276 --> 00:03:57,696
getting to rock
while I'm snaking bathrooms
93
00:03:57,696 --> 00:03:59,614
for gravy-filled truckers.
94
00:03:59,614 --> 00:04:02,283
Ha, well, there's only one
thing you're plumbing here:
95
00:04:02,283 --> 00:04:04,119
the depths of rock.
96
00:04:04,119 --> 00:04:05,453
Wanna jam, Jackie?
97
00:04:05,453 --> 00:04:08,373
I need those tasty licks
in my earholes.
98
00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:10,125
- Ew.
- Gross.
99
00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:11,167
Let's go!
100
00:04:11,167 --> 00:04:13,920
♪ Old friend came
into my music store ♪
101
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,715
♪ Bitchin' that my life
was such a bore ♪
102
00:04:16,715 --> 00:04:18,299
♪ I said, "Wanna jam?" ♪
103
00:04:18,299 --> 00:04:19,718
♪ He said, "Okay" ♪
104
00:04:19,718 --> 00:04:22,804
♪ And we're gonna
keep this up all day ♪
105
00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:24,222
♪ Rock! ♪
106
00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:28,727
♪ We're climbin' up amps
and rockin' like champs ♪
107
00:04:28,727 --> 00:04:32,063
♪ You're movin' too slow,
hurry up, Gramps ♪
108
00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:34,816
♪ Shakin', wobblin'
while I climb ♪
109
00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:38,069
♪ Wah-wah, Ronnie,
please stop your cryin' ♪
110
00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:40,655
♪ Seriously, Jack,
I'm getting' concerned ♪
111
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:43,742
♪ Well, I guess chicken
is what you've turned ♪
112
00:04:43,742 --> 00:04:46,953
♪ I'll show you,
I'll stand on one foot ♪
113
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,997
♪ Bow to me,
Jack, I'm the god of ♪
114
00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:51,666
Whoa!
115
00:04:52,751 --> 00:04:54,586
The god of what?
What was the rhyme?
116
00:04:54,586 --> 00:04:56,087
I think he's really hurt.
117
00:04:56,087 --> 00:04:58,089
Was his foot
always backwards?
118
00:04:58,089 --> 00:05:00,091
Call 911 or...
119
00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:03,887
♪ 867-5309 ♪
120
00:05:05,722 --> 00:05:07,349
This is my fault, Ronnie.
121
00:05:07,349 --> 00:05:09,392
I should have never
made you rock so hard.
122
00:05:09,392 --> 00:05:11,144
You're Jumpin' Jack Harris.
123
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,229
You're supposed
to rock hard, damn it,
124
00:05:13,229 --> 00:05:14,939
not be a lame plumber.
125
00:05:14,939 --> 00:05:16,733
Not have these lame kids.
126
00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:18,610
I'm sorry, but you guys suck.
127
00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:20,236
You didn't even
touch your beers.
128
00:05:20,236 --> 00:05:21,821
Oh, I'm sorry,
Uncle Ronnie.
129
00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:23,698
Jack, I need
to tell you something.
130
00:05:23,698 --> 00:05:25,658
The city's
always hated this place
131
00:05:25,658 --> 00:05:28,661
because of our rebel spirit
and noise complaints
132
00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:30,330
and giving alcohol to minors.
133
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:32,624
- Fascists.
- If I'm not here,
134
00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:35,251
it's just the excuse they need
to shut me down.
135
00:05:35,251 --> 00:05:36,378
And the rats.
136
00:05:37,420 --> 00:05:38,963
This place can't close.
137
00:05:38,963 --> 00:05:40,590
It's gotta be here
20 years from now
138
00:05:40,590 --> 00:05:42,759
when I accidentally
stop by again.
139
00:05:42,759 --> 00:05:44,511
Destiny brought you
here, Jack,
140
00:05:44,511 --> 00:05:47,305
so you could injure me
and buy the Axe Hole.
141
00:05:47,305 --> 00:05:49,641
You can inspire
the next generation to rock
142
00:05:49,641 --> 00:05:51,685
the way I inspired you.
143
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,269
I wanna listen to destiny,
144
00:05:53,269 --> 00:05:54,854
but I half-heartedly
told my wife
145
00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:56,773
that my rocker days
were behind me.
146
00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:57,941
Come on, who wears
147
00:05:57,941 --> 00:05:59,651
the leopard-print pants
in the family?
148
00:05:59,651 --> 00:06:01,986
Only you have what it takes
to keep this store open
149
00:06:01,986 --> 00:06:04,447
from 12:00 to 4:00
three days a week.
150
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:07,534
What will it be, Jack--
plumbing or strumming?
151
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:10,203
Oh, why'd you have
to rhyme it?
152
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,455
Okay, I'll buy the store.
153
00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:15,709
Take my vest.
You're the rock god now.
154
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:16,793
Eeee!
155
00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:19,337
What do you think, kids?
156
00:06:19,337 --> 00:06:20,797
This must look really cool
157
00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:22,465
from your
point of view, huh?
158
00:06:31,266 --> 00:06:33,184
You bought a music store?
159
00:06:33,184 --> 00:06:35,270
Come on, Annie,
I don't want the Axe Hole
160
00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:36,563
to go out of business.
161
00:06:36,563 --> 00:06:39,149
It'd be like you seeing
that fabric store close.
162
00:06:39,149 --> 00:06:41,192
Don't even joke about that.
163
00:06:41,192 --> 00:06:43,945
I understand your attachment
to that place, Jack,
164
00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:46,614
but buying it
just feels so impulsive.
165
00:06:46,614 --> 00:06:48,950
Impulsive?
I want a divorce!
166
00:06:48,950 --> 00:06:50,952
I'm sorry, it's just
167
00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:52,954
that Ronnie D
is on our porch right now
168
00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:54,664
'cause I said
you'd nurse him back to health
169
00:06:54,664 --> 00:06:55,957
while I'm busy
running the store
170
00:06:55,957 --> 00:06:57,834
I bought
without consulting you.
171
00:06:58,835 --> 00:07:02,088
'Sup, blondie? Got a beer
to wash down this painkiller?
172
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:03,590
Coming right up.
173
00:07:06,676 --> 00:07:09,054
Okay, Kimberly, you're gonna be
running the register,
174
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:11,264
taking inventory,
and developing strategies
175
00:07:11,264 --> 00:07:12,974
to optimize profitability.
176
00:07:12,974 --> 00:07:14,851
- What do you want me to do?
- Uh...
177
00:07:14,851 --> 00:07:17,937
you can stand outside
and hold this sign.
178
00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:21,274
All right,
let's open for rock-ness.
179
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:23,360
Dad, you can't just
say "rock" for everything.
180
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:25,445
My rock-pologies.
181
00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:29,115
What up, Duncan?
182
00:07:29,115 --> 00:07:30,742
My dad bought
this guitar dump
183
00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:32,285
and gave Kimberly the easy job,
184
00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:34,621
so I'm out here busting my ass.
185
00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,915
Mind if I take your sign
for a spin?
186
00:07:43,088 --> 00:07:44,214
Yeah!
187
00:07:44,214 --> 00:07:46,216
Whoa, how'd you learn
to do that?
188
00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:48,468
When I was a kid,
my uncle ran a sex shop,
189
00:07:48,468 --> 00:07:50,053
and I used
to help out at Christmas.
190
00:07:50,053 --> 00:07:52,138
With a sign
shaped like an arrow?
191
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:53,848
Kinda.
That's where I got addicted
192
00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:55,809
- to the honk.
- The honk?
193
00:07:55,809 --> 00:07:57,185
It's applause
for sign spinners.
194
00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:59,229
Yeah, that's right.
195
00:07:59,229 --> 00:08:00,939
Yeah.
Whoa!
196
00:08:01,981 --> 00:08:04,401
Wow, I want
that sweet sound.
197
00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:06,069
I want it bad.
198
00:08:11,741 --> 00:08:15,412
Ugh, no one honked,
and I did exactly what you did.
199
00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:18,331
Looks like I gotta
Mr. Mitchyagi your ass.
200
00:08:18,331 --> 00:08:21,418
Spin the sign.
Don't let the sign spin you.
201
00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:24,254
Spin sign, no spin me.
202
00:08:26,881 --> 00:08:30,218
Windmill, head spin,
knee bounce.
203
00:08:33,471 --> 00:08:35,682
Great spinning, kid!
204
00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:38,685
He did get good fast, Mavis.
205
00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:44,607
So one time, I'm super wasted
at a Sabbath show,
206
00:08:44,607 --> 00:08:47,193
and I try to grab the bat
out of Ozzy's mouth.
207
00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:49,112
For some reason,
I need a taste.
208
00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:51,698
I climb onstage, and security
starts whaling on me.
209
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:54,284
Long story short,
the Ozzy Osbourne
210
00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:55,869
kicked me right in the nads.
211
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,787
Hey, you needed a taste.
212
00:08:57,787 --> 00:08:59,956
Hey, Ronnie,
the CVS wouldn't let me buy
213
00:08:59,956 --> 00:09:03,043
Orange Crush and vodka
at 8:00 a.m., so...
214
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:04,794
I know that's not true.
215
00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:06,755
Fine. I just thought
a healthy breakfast
216
00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:08,298
might speed up the healing
217
00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:10,091
and moving
out of my house process.
218
00:09:10,091 --> 00:09:12,093
{\an8}Oh, pancakes
and orange juice.
219
00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:14,721
{\an8}The perfect all-American,
plastic-fantastic
220
00:09:14,721 --> 00:09:17,474
{\an8}Madison Avenue
corporate sellout breakfast.
221
00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:18,933
{\an8}And cantaloupe.
222
00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:21,853
God, Annie, how can
Jumpin' Jack Harris stand
223
00:09:21,853 --> 00:09:24,939
living in this three-bedroom,
four-bath coffin?
224
00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:26,566
You haven't seen
our mudroom.
225
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:29,778
It's got cubbies for all of
our kids' boots and rain gear.
226
00:09:29,778 --> 00:09:31,780
♪ When our shoes
are brown and muddy ♪
227
00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:33,531
♪ We put 'em in our cubby ♪
228
00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:35,867
♪ 'Cause Mommy
ain't our damn maid ♪
229
00:09:35,867 --> 00:09:37,160
♪ Boop ♪
230
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,496
See, we still rock out.
231
00:09:39,496 --> 00:09:41,039
All I know
is that you're living
232
00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:42,624
in a mind prison of your own--
233
00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:45,168
Damn, these pancakes
are delicious.
234
00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:46,544
I put Nutella in them.
235
00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:48,338
I've wasted my life!
236
00:09:48,338 --> 00:09:50,006
Rock and roll is a lie.
237
00:09:50,006 --> 00:09:52,092
Life is all about family.
238
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:55,595
Wow, Ronnie,
you are a man of extremes.
239
00:09:58,515 --> 00:09:59,933
Gimme that honk approval.
240
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,351
Hey, Duncan,
wanna come with us
241
00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:03,269
to an abandoned
amusement park
242
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:05,021
that still has power?
243
00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:06,147
I'm gonna ride
the Decapitator
244
00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:07,732
even though that kid
got decapitated.
245
00:10:07,732 --> 00:10:09,984
Sorry, I don't have time
for kids' stuff anymore.
246
00:10:09,984 --> 00:10:11,486
I've found my purpose in life,
247
00:10:11,486 --> 00:10:13,571
and I look like a total hottie
in this tank top.
248
00:10:13,571 --> 00:10:16,491
Hey, teens,
who's ready to be inspired?
249
00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:17,534
- Not really.
- I'm good.
250
00:10:17,534 --> 00:10:18,576
- No.
- Nope.
251
00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:20,578
I'll be sad,
and it'll be awkward...
252
00:10:20,578 --> 00:10:23,498
The next time you see me.
253
00:10:24,582 --> 00:10:26,501
Welcome
to the magical world
254
00:10:26,501 --> 00:10:27,919
of rock and roll.
255
00:10:27,919 --> 00:10:29,587
Mia, you worship Satan, right?
256
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:31,673
Well, I'm fascinated
in the Satan myth
257
00:10:31,673 --> 00:10:33,675
as a structure by which
our moral codes are--
258
00:10:33,675 --> 00:10:35,343
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
put this guitar on.
259
00:10:35,343 --> 00:10:37,303
Aren't these made
with child labor?
260
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,931
If so, those are
some pretty cool kids.
261
00:10:40,765 --> 00:10:43,143
Yangzi, my man,
what can I set you up with?
262
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:46,479
Well, I am in the market
for some new DJ equipment.
263
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:49,399
DJ? Nope, nope, wrong.
264
00:10:49,399 --> 00:10:52,235
You want this keytar, huh?
265
00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:53,528
Huh? Listen to this.
266
00:10:55,572 --> 00:10:57,824
Yeah, I'm gonna need you to get
this thing the hell off me.
267
00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,284
Wolf, you have
disaffected youth
268
00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:00,702
written all over you.
269
00:11:00,702 --> 00:11:02,162
Pick anything you want.
270
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:03,580
I do need a microphone.
271
00:11:03,580 --> 00:11:05,749
Yeah, front man!
272
00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:07,500
No, my mom's last husband
murdered a guy,
273
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:09,294
and I'm doing
a podcast about it.
274
00:11:09,294 --> 00:11:11,671
Okay, you teens gotta leave.
Stop loitering.
275
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,882
Come back
when you're ready to shred.
276
00:11:13,882 --> 00:11:16,134
What about you, sweetie?
You're into Satan, right?
277
00:11:16,134 --> 00:11:17,886
Yeah, but not musically.
278
00:11:20,805 --> 00:11:23,641
Annie, you cannot tell anyone
I color my hair.
279
00:11:23,641 --> 00:11:25,935
I never would have guessed
if you hadn't started sweating.
280
00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:27,729
Gotta admit
this is kinda nice.
281
00:11:27,729 --> 00:11:29,314
When I do it myself,
I just dunk my head
282
00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:30,940
in a bucket like an Easter egg.
283
00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:32,525
This is just another plus
of having
284
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,611
someone special in your life.
285
00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:37,155
Yeah, it is.
And I do.
286
00:11:37,155 --> 00:11:39,282
Oh, you have someone special?
287
00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:40,617
You didn't tell me that.
288
00:11:40,617 --> 00:11:41,868
She's a beautiful woman.
289
00:11:41,868 --> 00:11:43,036
Three kids.
290
00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:45,288
Voice is a little annoying,
but I could get used to it.
291
00:11:45,288 --> 00:11:47,999
Well, maybe I'll get a chance
to meet her sometime.
292
00:11:47,999 --> 00:11:51,544
It's you, Mommy!
He's even pointing at you!
293
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,546
- Mm!
- I want it all, Annie.
294
00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:55,715
I wanna eat cookies
in bed with you.
295
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,884
I wanna sing
the cubby song with you.
296
00:11:57,884 --> 00:11:59,386
By the way, it needs a bridge.
297
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:01,554
I wanna be doing dishes
and you put your arms
298
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:04,557
around my waist and say,
"Hey, babe," and I giggle.
299
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,476
I'm married to Jack.
300
00:12:06,476 --> 00:12:08,061
That's cool. Little tweak.
301
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:10,897
I'm doing dishes.
You and Jack come in.
302
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:13,149
He slides his hand
on my lower back:
303
00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:15,068
"Lookin' kinda sudsy
there, Ronnie."
304
00:12:15,068 --> 00:12:17,445
Hey, uh, Ronnie,
would you leave my home?
305
00:12:21,366 --> 00:12:23,785
Whoa, bitchin' shirt.
306
00:12:23,785 --> 00:12:25,620
Can I rock you,
or are you just rocking?
307
00:12:25,620 --> 00:12:27,372
Yeah, I've got a passion.
308
00:12:27,372 --> 00:12:28,665
My parents just don't get it.
309
00:12:28,665 --> 00:12:30,000
Been there, man.
310
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,793
Gotta do
what your heart's telling you.
311
00:12:31,793 --> 00:12:34,045
You're right.
I'll take all of these.
312
00:12:34,045 --> 00:12:36,256
An entire bowl
of guitar picks?
313
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:38,550
Kimberly, ring up
my little shredder.
314
00:12:38,550 --> 00:12:39,759
Oh, I don't play.
315
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:41,386
I just chuck 'em
at squirrels' heads.
316
00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:42,929
I told you, it's my passion.
317
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:44,431
That kid used
to go to my school.
318
00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:45,974
He's messed up.
He threw a dart
319
00:12:45,974 --> 00:12:47,517
at the gym coach
and got suspended.
320
00:12:47,517 --> 00:12:49,602
Oh, you think you're cute,
nut boy?
321
00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:53,356
I don't get it, Kimberly.
322
00:12:53,356 --> 00:12:56,026
Why doesn't this place mean
to kids what it meant to me?
323
00:12:56,026 --> 00:12:57,569
Doesn't anyone
wanna play an instrument
324
00:12:57,569 --> 00:12:59,154
and feel its power
to change the world?
325
00:12:59,154 --> 00:13:00,613
That was
a long time ago, Dad.
326
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:02,615
If we wanna change the world,
we use our phones,
327
00:13:02,615 --> 00:13:04,951
and if we wanna make music,
we also use our phones.
328
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:07,120
Hey, we should turn this
into a phone store.
329
00:13:07,746 --> 00:13:09,414
{\an8}Hmm?
330
00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:10,665
{\an8}That's an E chord.
331
00:13:10,665 --> 00:13:12,042
Doesn't that make
your heart start racing
332
00:13:12,042 --> 00:13:13,960
and wanna play a song
that makes people do this?
333
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:17,297
♪ Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
334
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:19,966
God, no.
Sorry, Dad, but rock is dead.
335
00:13:19,966 --> 00:13:23,720
Never! There's gotta be one kid
out there who gets it.
336
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,430
Hi, looking
for a rebellious store
337
00:13:25,430 --> 00:13:26,806
to hang your band flyer?
338
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:28,892
Nah, my stupid dad's
an IRS agent
339
00:13:28,892 --> 00:13:31,311
and makes me work with him
on Saturdays.
340
00:13:31,311 --> 00:13:32,729
Give him the notice, Cheryl.
341
00:13:32,729 --> 00:13:34,939
I'm giving him
the notice, Dad!
342
00:13:34,939 --> 00:13:37,734
You're hereby notified
that you owe $200,000
343
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:40,195
in back taxes,
payable by 5:00 p.m. today,
344
00:13:40,195 --> 00:13:41,905
or we will repossess
all assets,
345
00:13:41,905 --> 00:13:43,073
including your home.
346
00:13:43,073 --> 00:13:44,991
- Happy now?
- Very.
347
00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,993
Now let's go shut down
Katie's Cupcakes!
348
00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:50,455
Fine, but you're
buying me one first.
349
00:13:51,414 --> 00:13:53,500
Looks like Ronnie D
played you like...
350
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,126
whatever that thing is
over there.
351
00:13:55,126 --> 00:13:58,213
It's a guitar.
You were just holding it!
352
00:13:58,213 --> 00:14:00,548
Come on, Kimberly,
time for me to kill my hero.
353
00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:02,550
- Ow!
- I'm sorry, dude.
354
00:14:02,550 --> 00:14:04,469
Your ponytail makes you
look like a squirrel.
355
00:14:08,973 --> 00:14:10,934
Oh, yeah, honk me up.
356
00:14:10,934 --> 00:14:13,269
I need your tasty honks
in my earholes.
357
00:14:13,269 --> 00:14:14,979
Whoo!
358
00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:17,691
Honk-whoo?
You can get a honk-whoo?
359
00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:19,818
Huh?
360
00:14:21,444 --> 00:14:23,905
Mr. Mitch, this is my turf.
361
00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:26,574
Sorry, I was inspired
by how I inspired you.
362
00:14:26,574 --> 00:14:28,952
Plus, I miss those
addictive-ass honks.
363
00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:30,787
You don't get honks
for teaching kids math.
364
00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:32,163
Barely get health insurance.
365
00:14:32,163 --> 00:14:33,540
Uh!
366
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:35,667
Oof!
367
00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:40,255
But getting honks is
the first time I've felt alive,
368
00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:43,675
and spinning is my ticket
out of this hellhole town.
369
00:14:43,675 --> 00:14:46,678
The street's not big enough
for the two of us, Mr. Mitch.
370
00:14:46,678 --> 00:14:48,346
Are you challenging me
to a spin-off?
371
00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:49,848
Bet your ass I am.
372
00:14:49,848 --> 00:14:51,599
Loser leaves town forever.
373
00:14:51,599 --> 00:14:53,476
No, wait. Winner leaves.
374
00:14:53,476 --> 00:14:55,603
I gotta get out
of this hellhole town.
375
00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:01,401
You lying,
bloated booze bag!
376
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:02,527
Daddy's home!
377
00:15:02,527 --> 00:15:04,612
Hello, my little angel.
378
00:15:04,612 --> 00:15:07,198
You lying,
bloated booze bag!
379
00:15:07,198 --> 00:15:10,035
You exploited my love
of your Axe Hole.
380
00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:11,786
Now I owe the IRS 200 grand,
381
00:15:11,786 --> 00:15:13,288
or they're gonna take
my home!
382
00:15:13,288 --> 00:15:14,622
What do you have
to say for yourself?
383
00:15:14,622 --> 00:15:16,332
- Wanna jam?
- You know it.
384
00:15:17,792 --> 00:15:20,587
Wait, no, your rockin' voodoo
385
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,505
won't work on me anymore.
386
00:15:22,505 --> 00:15:24,215
How could you do that to me?
387
00:15:24,215 --> 00:15:27,802
Musicians never
screw each other over money.
388
00:15:27,802 --> 00:15:29,387
Let me tell you something, Jackie.
389
00:15:29,387 --> 00:15:31,639
You think I enjoyed
running that place,
390
00:15:31,639 --> 00:15:33,475
always having
to retune the instruments
391
00:15:33,475 --> 00:15:35,310
after you and your friends
played them all day
392
00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:36,853
and didn't buy anything?
393
00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:39,439
Kids constantly
shoplifting from me?
394
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:40,899
Sleeping every night
in a plush
395
00:15:40,899 --> 00:15:42,734
velvet-lined guitar case?
396
00:15:42,734 --> 00:15:44,235
I would love that.
397
00:15:44,235 --> 00:15:45,987
Yeah, I slept like a baby.
398
00:15:45,987 --> 00:15:48,073
Sure, I could have taken
the little money I had
399
00:15:48,073 --> 00:15:49,491
and paid my taxes.
400
00:15:49,491 --> 00:15:50,867
But you know
what I did instead?
401
00:15:50,867 --> 00:15:52,285
You bought kids beer.
402
00:15:52,285 --> 00:15:53,620
That's right,
little lady.
403
00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:55,413
I bought kids beer.
404
00:15:55,413 --> 00:15:57,415
Wow, I had no idea
405
00:15:57,415 --> 00:15:59,876
our never buying anything
and constant stealing
406
00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:01,461
would somehow affect
your business.
407
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:02,962
Can you ever forgive me?
408
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:05,632
Embrace me,
Lord of the Strings.
409
00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:07,634
This is all very moving,
but can we get back
410
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,719
to the IRS taking our house?
411
00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:11,054
What are we gonna do?
412
00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:12,972
There is one way out.
413
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,557
The only bill I ever
made sure to pay
414
00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:16,726
was the fire insurance
because I often fall asleep
415
00:16:16,726 --> 00:16:18,436
in my guitar case
while smoking.
416
00:16:18,436 --> 00:16:19,813
So badass.
417
00:16:19,813 --> 00:16:23,191
Let's say we were to,
I don't know,
418
00:16:23,191 --> 00:16:26,236
play a farewell concert
and set off some,
419
00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:28,363
I don't know,
pyro that was
420
00:16:28,363 --> 00:16:30,532
accidentally pointed
at the store.
421
00:16:30,532 --> 00:16:33,326
The Axe Hole goes up in,
I don't know, "flames,"
422
00:16:33,326 --> 00:16:36,162
insurance pays the IRS,
and we get to keep our,
423
00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:38,915
I don't know, house.
I love it.
424
00:16:38,915 --> 00:16:42,085
Wait, are you talking about
committing insurance fraud?
425
00:16:42,085 --> 00:16:44,170
Come on, Annie, be cool.
426
00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:47,007
I'm almost
a low-level police officer.
427
00:16:47,007 --> 00:16:49,009
But who's your favorite
TV mom?
428
00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:51,094
Carmela Soprano.
429
00:16:51,094 --> 00:16:53,304
And what would Carmela do?
430
00:16:53,304 --> 00:16:55,932
Oh, she'd say, "I don't wanna
know about it, Tony.
431
00:16:55,932 --> 00:16:58,810
Just get it done and buy me
a $2,000 cappuccino machine."
432
00:16:58,810 --> 00:17:01,646
Aw, that's my little
mob wife.
433
00:17:01,646 --> 00:17:03,314
Hmm?
434
00:17:05,775 --> 00:17:08,987
Jack, these are my ex-wives,
Roxette and Foxy.
435
00:17:08,987 --> 00:17:11,489
- Ex-wives, this is Jack.
- Ladies.
436
00:17:11,489 --> 00:17:13,908
Okay, Ronnie, this is
my first insurance fraud.
437
00:17:13,908 --> 00:17:15,744
- How does it work?
- Easy-peasy.
438
00:17:15,744 --> 00:17:17,746
At the peak moment
of our mind-roasting
439
00:17:17,746 --> 00:17:20,707
dueling guitar solo,
you hit this pedal,
440
00:17:20,707 --> 00:17:22,083
which will trigger the pyro
441
00:17:22,083 --> 00:17:24,419
"accidentally" aimed
at the store,
442
00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:27,130
and goodbye,
you friggin' Axe Hole.
443
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:30,592
Okay, this is my first
sign spin-off.
444
00:17:30,592 --> 00:17:31,676
How does it work?
445
00:17:31,676 --> 00:17:32,844
Didn't you challenge me?
446
00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:34,596
Enough talk!
Let's do this!
447
00:17:34,596 --> 00:17:36,681
Cool.
And may the best man spin.
448
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:41,811
Why do we have
to wear these, Mommy?
449
00:17:41,811 --> 00:17:43,229
'Cause I love cappuccino.
450
00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:45,648
- Now, be quiet, Meadow.
- Who's Meadow?
451
00:17:45,648 --> 00:17:47,400
Oakdale!
452
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,736
Are you ready to rock?
453
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:50,820
Meh.
454
00:17:50,820 --> 00:17:52,072
Yeah, that sounds right.
455
00:17:52,072 --> 00:17:53,365
Two, three, four.
456
00:17:54,824 --> 00:17:58,870
♪ So this ain't the end,
I saw you again ♪
457
00:17:58,870 --> 00:18:00,288
♪ Today ♪
458
00:18:00,288 --> 00:18:03,124
♪ I had to turn
my heart away ♪
459
00:18:06,086 --> 00:18:11,591
♪ Smiled like the sun,
kisses for everyone ♪
460
00:18:11,591 --> 00:18:14,427
♪ And tales, it never fails ♪
461
00:18:16,554 --> 00:18:20,100
♪ You're lying so low
in the weeds ♪
462
00:18:20,100 --> 00:18:23,561
♪ I bet you
you're gonna ambush me ♪
463
00:18:23,561 --> 00:18:27,065
♪ You'd have me
down, down, down, down ♪
464
00:18:27,065 --> 00:18:29,067
♪ Down on my knees ♪
465
00:18:29,067 --> 00:18:31,903
♪ Now, wouldn't you,
barracuda? ♪
466
00:18:32,987 --> 00:18:34,864
Shouldn't we be
supporting Duncan?
467
00:18:34,864 --> 00:18:37,909
No, two old guys
are playing guitar.
468
00:18:37,909 --> 00:18:41,246
Whoo! I love whatever kind
of music this is called.
469
00:18:41,246 --> 00:18:43,873
Hey, you closed down
my mom's cupcake shop.
470
00:18:43,873 --> 00:18:46,084
Whoo!
471
00:18:47,252 --> 00:18:49,671
Oh, my God,
they love it.
472
00:18:49,671 --> 00:18:51,756
I don't want this to end.
473
00:18:51,756 --> 00:18:54,092
We can't destroy
the Axe Hole.
474
00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:56,261
I'll go bankrupt.
I don't care.
475
00:18:56,261 --> 00:18:57,887
We'll run the store together.
476
00:18:57,887 --> 00:18:59,472
I'll move in
with you and Annie.
477
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:01,391
- We already discussed it.
- Huh?
478
00:19:01,391 --> 00:19:03,601
Did someone say
keep on rockin'?
479
00:19:03,601 --> 00:19:05,186
Yeah!
480
00:19:10,692 --> 00:19:13,028
- Whew.
- Oh, it's a dud.
481
00:19:28,543 --> 00:19:31,296
Ronnie D!
Rock on!
482
00:19:31,296 --> 00:19:32,464
Wanna jam?
483
00:19:39,971 --> 00:19:41,097
It's a miracle!
484
00:19:41,097 --> 00:19:44,225
The inflatable pig survived
totally untouched.
485
00:19:44,225 --> 00:19:46,519
And my Hustlers!
486
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:52,275
Goodbye, Flying V.
487
00:19:52,275 --> 00:19:54,444
Goodbye, keytar.
488
00:19:54,444 --> 00:19:56,154
Goodbye, maraca.
489
00:19:56,154 --> 00:19:58,281
Goodbye, other maraca.
490
00:19:58,281 --> 00:20:00,367
Sorry your dreams burned, honey,
491
00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:02,035
but you really did
sound good up there.
492
00:20:02,035 --> 00:20:03,661
I failed, Annie.
493
00:20:03,661 --> 00:20:06,498
I did all of this
to inspire one kid
494
00:20:06,498 --> 00:20:09,709
to find the joy
in music that I did.
495
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,127
Hey, Dad, how did you get
your guitar
496
00:20:11,127 --> 00:20:12,545
to make that crazy sound?
497
00:20:13,088 --> 00:20:14,047
Really?
498
00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:16,091
Uh, well, you just have
499
00:20:16,091 --> 00:20:17,676
to use the whammy bar.
500
00:20:17,676 --> 00:20:20,553
Let me show you.
First place your fingers--
501
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:22,180
I remember. E chord.
502
00:20:23,306 --> 00:20:25,141
Now whammy that sucker.
503
00:20:26,851 --> 00:20:29,479
Cool.
Dad, are you crying?
504
00:20:29,479 --> 00:20:32,524
No, no, no, it's all the smoke
and carcinogens.
505
00:20:32,524 --> 00:20:33,817
Just keep playing.
506
00:20:33,817 --> 00:20:36,695
Oh, God, you're gonna
rebuild the store, aren't you?
507
00:20:36,695 --> 00:20:38,071
Mm-hmm.
508
00:20:42,450 --> 00:20:44,452
Yeezy one, two.
Yeezy one, two.
509
00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:46,287
Okay, let's do this.
510
00:20:49,290 --> 00:20:51,459
Welcome to Cry Wolf,
episode one.
511
00:20:51,459 --> 00:20:54,087
In the summer of 2019,
my mom told me to mow the lawn.
512
00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:56,006
That's when I noticed
my stepdad's garden shears
513
00:20:56,006 --> 00:20:58,091
were missing, and so was
the ceramics instructor
514
00:20:58,091 --> 00:20:59,968
at the local community college.
515
00:21:01,636 --> 00:21:03,596
{\an8}The secrets I would unravel
were dark,
516
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:05,015
{\an8}tantalizing, and delicious,
517
00:21:05,015 --> 00:21:06,599
{\an8}kinda like
the portobello mushroom burger
518
00:21:06,599 --> 00:21:08,518
{\an8}I get delivered every day
from the new food service
519
00:21:08,518 --> 00:21:09,644
{\an8}Yum Tummy.
520
00:21:09,644 --> 00:21:10,729
{\an8}♪ Yum Tummy ♪
521
00:21:10,729 --> 00:21:12,981
{\an8}♪ It'll make your tummy
go, "Yum!" ♪
522
00:21:12,981 --> 00:21:15,984
{\an8}Use the promo code
"wolf" at checkout.
523
00:21:15,984 --> 00:21:17,777
{\an8}Dale DeRoca was born
in a small mining town
524
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:20,405
{\an8}in eastern Pennsylvania,
but he lied when he met my mom
525
00:21:20,405 --> 00:21:22,407
{\an8}and said he was
from central Pennsylvania.
526
00:21:22,407 --> 00:21:23,992
{\an8}He said a lot that night
at TGI Fridays
527
00:21:23,992 --> 00:21:25,285
{\an8}as the drinks flowed
528
00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:26,911
{\an8}and, later,
their white-hot passion.
529
00:21:26,911 --> 00:21:28,663
{\an8}And subscribe.
530
00:21:28,663 --> 00:21:30,665
Ooh, Yum Tummy.
531
00:21:37,922 --> 00:21:39,841
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