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1
00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:04,921
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
2
00:00:04,921 --> 00:00:08,967
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
3
00:00:08,967 --> 00:00:13,096
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
4
00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:17,058
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
5
00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:21,521
♪ Boo, boo, boo, boo ♪
6
00:00:21,521 --> 00:00:23,648
♪ Boo, boo,
boo, boo ♪
7
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:25,984
Ooh!
8
00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:27,652
- Mommy!
- Aaaaaaah!
9
00:00:27,652 --> 00:00:29,195
- Duncan!
- Duncan!
10
00:00:32,949 --> 00:00:36,870
{\an8}♪ My birthday is coming,
coming is my birthday ♪
11
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:38,872
{\an8}But if
the faulty gas line runs
12
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:40,707
{\an8}directly below our house...
13
00:00:40,707 --> 00:00:42,792
{\an8}That's right, Jack.
Ka-bloom.
14
00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:46,546
{\an8}When is it my birthday?
"Soon, soon," says the owl.
15
00:00:46,546 --> 00:00:49,299
{\an8}Hey, Jing, would you like
to talk about your birthday?
16
00:00:49,299 --> 00:00:51,134
{\an8}Yes, yes, it's coming!
17
00:00:51,134 --> 00:00:52,510
{\an8}Okay, little one.
18
00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:54,471
{\an8}This Saturday is all about you.
19
00:00:54,471 --> 00:00:55,555
{\an8}What would you like to do?
20
00:00:55,555 --> 00:00:56,890
{\an8}What I always do.
21
00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:59,351
{\an8}Get five Princess Jasmines
and watch them brush ponies
22
00:00:59,351 --> 00:01:01,561
{\an8}in the backyard
with good friends and family.
23
00:01:01,561 --> 00:01:02,812
{\an8}I don't see any reason
our house
24
00:01:02,812 --> 00:01:04,105
{\an8}couldn't host
a children's party.
25
00:01:04,105 --> 00:01:06,399
{\an8}- I'll fire up the grill.
- Yay!
26
00:01:06,399 --> 00:01:09,152
{\an8}Hi, Sally,
it's Jing's birthday again.
27
00:01:09,152 --> 00:01:10,945
{\an8}No, they don't
grow up that fast.
28
00:01:10,945 --> 00:01:13,281
{\an8}Anyway, you know the drill:
five princesses,
29
00:01:13,281 --> 00:01:16,242
{\an8}five ponies,
but don't send Sugarcube.
30
00:01:16,242 --> 00:01:18,661
{\an8}He's a biter,
and he's not welcome here.
31
00:01:18,661 --> 00:01:22,165
{\an8}Oh, I can't do another one
of those baby pony parties.
32
00:01:22,165 --> 00:01:24,417
{\an8}Sugarcube took a chunk
out of my ass.
33
00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:27,962
{\an8}Oh, but that princess party
makes Jing so happy.
34
00:01:27,962 --> 00:01:30,423
{\an8}And us so miserable.
Let's kill it.
35
00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:35,637
So my party will be a mix
of you guys and school friends.
36
00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:38,139
Don't worry.
They're cool. They're cool.
37
00:01:38,139 --> 00:01:39,432
Oh, hey there, Jing.
38
00:01:39,432 --> 00:01:41,434
Heard you're turning
the big 0-5.
39
00:01:41,434 --> 00:01:43,520
That's right,
and you're both invited
40
00:01:43,520 --> 00:01:46,064
to my princess pony party,
yay!
41
00:01:46,064 --> 00:01:48,566
Princess pony?
We got here just in time.
42
00:01:48,566 --> 00:01:51,027
Jing, your fifth birthday
basically defines
43
00:01:51,027 --> 00:01:53,113
what people think of you
for the rest of your life.
44
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,906
The stakes could not be higher.
45
00:01:54,906 --> 00:01:56,950
My fifth birthday
was so embarrassing,
46
00:01:56,950 --> 00:01:59,119
my reputation
never fully recovered.
47
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,121
What's a reputation?
48
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,456
It's what people think of you
when your fifth birthday
49
00:02:03,456 --> 00:02:06,209
is at a stupid
butterfly sanctuary
50
00:02:06,209 --> 00:02:08,128
and they're all
still in their cocoons
51
00:02:08,128 --> 00:02:09,963
and everyone calls you a liar.
52
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:12,382
Well, I'm doing
a princess pony party,
53
00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:14,134
and it's gonna be fire.
54
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:17,012
Oh, hey, Kimberly,
I just thought of a great place
55
00:02:17,012 --> 00:02:18,346
Jing could have her party
56
00:02:18,346 --> 00:02:20,432
and be the coolest kid
in kindergarten.
57
00:02:20,432 --> 00:02:21,975
Oh, show us
this magical place
58
00:02:21,975 --> 00:02:24,310
that's perfect
for kids Jing's age.
59
00:02:24,310 --> 00:02:26,980
Teen Zone,
Teen Zone, Teen Zone.
60
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:29,983
You want to play games until
your hands bleed? Teen Zone.
61
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:32,777
You want to feel the sensation
of falling to your death?
62
00:02:32,777 --> 00:02:34,154
Teen Zone.
63
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,656
You want to simulate war?
Teen Zone.
64
00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:39,284
Cake's for babies.
Pizza's for teens.
65
00:02:39,284 --> 00:02:41,327
You rock, Teen Zone!
66
00:02:41,327 --> 00:02:43,997
Teen Zone: Where Teens Go In!
67
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:49,252
Holy freaking crap.
68
00:02:50,086 --> 00:02:52,881
Listen up! Kill the princesses
and free the ponies.
69
00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:54,090
I'm having my party
70
00:02:54,090 --> 00:02:56,843
at Teen Zone,
Teen Zone, Teen Zone!
71
00:03:02,057 --> 00:03:03,558
Okay,
Duncan and Kimberly,
72
00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:05,226
I need your help
setting up.
73
00:03:05,226 --> 00:03:07,145
- You got it, Mom.
- Whatever you need.
74
00:03:07,145 --> 00:03:08,521
- Whoo!
- Yeah!
75
00:03:08,521 --> 00:03:09,898
Yeah! Bye, Mom!
76
00:03:09,898 --> 00:03:12,817
All right, Jack,
I guess it's just you and me.
77
00:03:12,817 --> 00:03:14,778
Don't worry, honey,
you can count on--
78
00:03:14,778 --> 00:03:19,324
Garry W. Tallent's
Bass Guitar Hero?
79
00:03:19,324 --> 00:03:20,909
Excuse me, ma'am,
you're not allowed
80
00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:22,827
to bring in outside plates
and utensils.
81
00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:24,162
You have to buy ours.
82
00:03:25,121 --> 00:03:26,623
They're so limp.
83
00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:28,166
Oh, yeah,
they won't hold anything.
84
00:03:28,166 --> 00:03:31,002
Gonna have to double up.
I'll add it to your party tab.
85
00:03:31,002 --> 00:03:32,504
Oh, fine.
86
00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:37,676
It's just
a little gouging, Annie.
87
00:03:37,676 --> 00:03:39,469
Just a little gouging.
88
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:43,848
All right, Jack.
Time to shred some bass.
89
00:03:48,311 --> 00:03:50,605
One, two, three, four.
90
00:03:51,898 --> 00:03:53,400
Combo.
91
00:03:58,154 --> 00:04:01,866
Holy cannoli,
I need that ravioli.
92
00:04:01,866 --> 00:04:03,993
I love this creep.
93
00:04:03,993 --> 00:04:07,080
Jing, let me get a picture
of you and your crew.
94
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,290
Sorry, ma'am, you have
to use our funtographer.
95
00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:11,668
That's what we call
our photographer.
96
00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:13,753
Wallet-size prints
and refrigerator magnets
97
00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:15,839
are available for $40.
98
00:04:15,839 --> 00:04:19,592
Magnets for everyone!
99
00:04:19,592 --> 00:04:21,720
Just a little more gouging.
100
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,680
Gouging, gouging, gouging.
101
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:29,477
Hey, Wolf.
You're amazing at this game.
102
00:04:29,477 --> 00:04:31,062
Not playing yet. No tokens.
103
00:04:31,062 --> 00:04:32,981
Hold on, I've got a hack.
104
00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:34,983
Want a ride?
105
00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:36,067
Oh, my God, yes.
106
00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:37,986
I mean... I'll chop all day.
107
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:42,907
Next stop: Barstow.
108
00:04:48,747 --> 00:04:52,417
Majestic, simply majestic.
109
00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:54,961
Oh, yeah,
totally worth the wedgie.
110
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:57,714
- Wow, that is in there.
- Mia, that was amazing.
111
00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:59,674
You were like
a Mission: Impossible movie,
112
00:04:59,674 --> 00:05:01,426
but I understood
what was going on.
113
00:05:01,426 --> 00:05:03,928
Thanks. Have you ever
done indoor skydiving?
114
00:05:03,928 --> 00:05:05,221
Oh, absolutely.
115
00:05:05,221 --> 00:05:08,975
Yeah, I love dancing with wind,
as we divers say.
116
00:05:08,975 --> 00:05:10,268
Oof.
117
00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:14,439
Whoa!
118
00:05:17,525 --> 00:05:20,528
Steady yourself.
Use your surface area.
119
00:05:20,528 --> 00:05:22,989
Ahh! Wind, spare me!
120
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:25,408
You got to stabilize so you
don't get nauseous and--
121
00:05:28,578 --> 00:05:30,580
Oh, damn, boy.
122
00:05:31,081 --> 00:05:32,332
Blech!
123
00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:39,422
Ah, disgusting,
simply disgusting.
124
00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:41,800
Uhh, there's the wedgie.
125
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:43,760
Oh, my God, it's so deep.
126
00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:46,346
For the love of God,
shut it down.
127
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:48,098
Sorry, this is
the Extreme Zone.
128
00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:49,474
He's got to ride it out.
129
00:05:49,474 --> 00:05:50,809
He your husband?
130
00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:53,812
Hey, you're Duncan's friend.
131
00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:55,438
How long have you worked here?
132
00:05:55,438 --> 00:05:57,232
You will not address me
as Duncan's friend.
133
00:05:57,232 --> 00:05:59,943
You will address me
as General Zapblood.
134
00:05:59,943 --> 00:06:01,736
And I started yesterday.
How am I doing?
135
00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:03,863
Very well,
General Zapblood, sir.
136
00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:05,240
Listen up, maggots.
137
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:06,825
This is your laser rifle.
138
00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:09,035
There are many like it,
but this one is yours.
139
00:06:09,035 --> 00:06:11,246
Also, please see me if
your laser rifle does not work.
140
00:06:11,246 --> 00:06:12,747
And remember,
if you choose to shoot
141
00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:14,582
over walls,
everyone will hate you.
142
00:06:14,582 --> 00:06:15,917
Can I shoot over the walls?
143
00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:19,129
Of course!
Happy birthday, baby Jing.
144
00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:21,923
Before we open
the laser arena
145
00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:24,050
and make your kids'
wildest dreams come true,
146
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,885
please sign this funtract.
147
00:06:25,885 --> 00:06:27,929
That's what we call contracts.
148
00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:29,848
Anything for our baby.
149
00:06:29,848 --> 00:06:31,099
My Bic!
150
00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:33,727
Hold up.
What is a laser recharge fee?
151
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,895
It's an additional $2
per player fee
152
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:37,355
to recharge the lasers.
153
00:06:37,355 --> 00:06:39,065
Recharge the lasers?
154
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:41,568
You mean plug them in?
That costs more?
155
00:06:41,568 --> 00:06:44,112
Oh, the rising cost
of electricity.
156
00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:45,697
- Bic, please.
- Uh-uh.
157
00:06:45,697 --> 00:06:49,451
The package I chose
clearly stated $15 per kid.
158
00:06:49,451 --> 00:06:51,619
You are in breach of funtract.
159
00:06:51,619 --> 00:06:53,371
Yeah, that's how we do it.
160
00:06:53,371 --> 00:06:55,582
Oh, it's because
that's how they do it, babe.
161
00:06:55,582 --> 00:06:57,792
So the fee
includes the lasers
162
00:06:57,792 --> 00:06:59,252
but not the electricity?
163
00:06:59,252 --> 00:07:00,503
That's ludicrous.
164
00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:02,339
That's like if Teen Zone
had a pool
165
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:04,507
and I had to pay extra
to use the water.
166
00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:05,592
We don't have a pool.
167
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:07,552
Okay, it looks like
we're all on the same page.
168
00:07:07,552 --> 00:07:08,595
Let's sign.
169
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:10,722
We're honest,
hardworking people,
170
00:07:10,722 --> 00:07:12,557
just like all
the other parents in here,
171
00:07:12,557 --> 00:07:15,060
and you've done nothing
but gouge us all day.
172
00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:18,021
Using the bathroom
cost me four tokens!
173
00:07:18,021 --> 00:07:19,439
Well, that's
kind of like a fun game,
174
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,983
if you think about it:
you have to hit a target.
175
00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:23,151
Ahh.
176
00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:25,445
Rescind this absurd charge,
or I will post
177
00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:27,489
a negative review
on Screech
178
00:07:27,489 --> 00:07:29,657
that'll make other customers
think twice.
179
00:07:29,657 --> 00:07:31,493
No fee, no laser tag.
180
00:07:31,493 --> 00:07:33,536
Screech away.
181
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:38,750
Ya just got Screeched,
and I'm not signing nothing.
182
00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:41,711
Ugh!
183
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:44,172
You just played that game.
That'll be two tokens.
184
00:07:45,507 --> 00:07:47,759
Hold on to me.
I'm going off road.
185
00:07:47,759 --> 00:07:50,095
Oh, my God,
I'm gonna touch Wolf's torso.
186
00:07:51,304 --> 00:07:52,931
- Aah!
- Good news, Kimberly.
187
00:07:52,931 --> 00:07:54,516
We're taking a moral stand.
188
00:07:54,516 --> 00:07:55,767
No!
189
00:08:05,819 --> 00:08:08,321
Now, get in there,
and may God have mercy
190
00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:10,365
on your adorable little souls.
191
00:08:13,952 --> 00:08:15,620
- What the--
- Sorry, everyone.
192
00:08:15,620 --> 00:08:17,372
I would love
for all of you to live out
193
00:08:17,372 --> 00:08:19,374
every kid's fantasy
of going to war,
194
00:08:19,374 --> 00:08:20,917
but this is a matter
of principle.
195
00:08:20,917 --> 00:08:22,627
We have to leave right now.
196
00:08:23,712 --> 00:08:24,921
The good news is,
197
00:08:24,921 --> 00:08:28,049
we can have parking lot cake
on our plates.
198
00:08:31,219 --> 00:08:34,014
You got lucky, lady.
199
00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:38,727
You ruined
my birthday, Mommy.
200
00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:41,146
And don't think 'cause I'm five,
I'm gonna forget this.
201
00:08:41,146 --> 00:08:44,482
I can feel it moving
into my long-term memory.
202
00:08:46,901 --> 00:08:48,695
I would have
gotten torso, Mom,
203
00:08:48,695 --> 00:08:50,405
if you weren't
such a cheapskate.
204
00:08:51,197 --> 00:08:52,490
Torso!
205
00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:54,200
And if you hadn't forced
your five-year-old
206
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:55,535
to have a teen party,
207
00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:59,080
I wouldn't be humiliated
and caked in my own yak.
208
00:08:59,080 --> 00:09:00,957
Ugh! My own yak!
209
00:09:03,335 --> 00:09:04,794
Ah-ooh-gah!
210
00:09:04,794 --> 00:09:08,423
My menopause
just meno-resumed.
211
00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:10,008
I'm sorry
they're upset, Jack,
212
00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:11,676
but it's just the principle.
213
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:13,303
Don't let them
get to you, honey.
214
00:09:13,303 --> 00:09:15,722
You are a strong woman
who fights for her beliefs
215
00:09:15,722 --> 00:09:17,640
even if those beliefs
cause resentment
216
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,768
that will last a lifetime.
217
00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:21,311
But the kids are watching
through the window,
218
00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:23,188
so I'm gonna look angry
and slam the door.
219
00:09:23,188 --> 00:09:25,106
Love you!
220
00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:26,358
Mom sucks.
221
00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:30,487
Why can't I be
a lovable coward like Jack?
222
00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:35,617
Oh, God, Bradley's mom.
Now I'm gonna hear it from her.
223
00:09:35,617 --> 00:09:37,160
Hi, Patricia.
224
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:40,372
I know, I made a scene
over the laser recharge fee.
225
00:09:40,372 --> 00:09:42,290
And thank you.
226
00:09:42,290 --> 00:09:44,709
I saw your post, and it's
about time someone stood up
227
00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:46,378
to the thieves
at that hell palace.
228
00:09:46,378 --> 00:09:49,214
- Really?
- Yeah, it's the principle.
229
00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:51,966
It's like going to the pool
and paying extra for the water.
230
00:09:51,966 --> 00:09:54,719
- That's what I told her!
- You actually said that?
231
00:09:54,719 --> 00:09:57,138
Of course.
How else could one put it?
232
00:09:57,138 --> 00:09:58,765
You know, there's a group
of us on Screech
233
00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:00,433
that casually meet
and angrily vent
234
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:02,435
about local businesses
every Wednesday.
235
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:03,978
You should join us.
236
00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:05,313
I'd love to.
237
00:10:05,313 --> 00:10:07,273
I'll even supply refreshments--
238
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:08,525
no hidden fees.
239
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,320
Seriously, though,
you need to say up front
240
00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:13,947
if you're charging us
for anything.
241
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:15,532
Of course.
Of course, yes.
242
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,536
Ahh, Mondays.
243
00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:22,247
The day we forget everything
that happened over the weekend.
244
00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:23,957
We'll never forget.
245
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:26,418
It's in our
long-term memory now.
246
00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:27,627
LIL' JOEY:
Jing, look!
247
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,963
I'm giving you
the evil eye over here.
248
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,923
All right, kids.
249
00:10:31,923 --> 00:10:33,591
That's enough
about Jing's party.
250
00:10:33,591 --> 00:10:35,385
Oh, Jing, I moved your seat.
251
00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:38,179
You're sitting with
Head Lice Kid and Leash Boy.
252
00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:44,060
Not too close, loser.
253
00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:48,523
Look, up in the sky.
254
00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:51,317
It's a bird. It's a--
Ah, to hell with it.
255
00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:53,111
It's Duncan Ralphie.
256
00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:58,533
Barf Vader.
Puke, I am your father.
257
00:11:00,326 --> 00:11:02,829
Come on, kids.
Seriously, keep going.
258
00:11:02,829 --> 00:11:04,789
And the bright side is,
I got hazard pay
259
00:11:04,789 --> 00:11:06,624
for disinfecting
the skydiving machine.
260
00:11:06,624 --> 00:11:08,043
What did you eat?
261
00:11:09,544 --> 00:11:11,004
Okay, ha-ha.
262
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,881
That 30 straight minutes
of humiliation
263
00:11:12,881 --> 00:11:15,008
could've happened to anyone.
I've moved on.
264
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:17,052
Mr. Mitch, yesterday,
you were discussing
265
00:11:17,052 --> 00:11:19,429
something called... math?
266
00:11:19,429 --> 00:11:20,764
Okay, good idea.
267
00:11:20,764 --> 00:11:23,266
Kids, today we're gonna learn
to calculate velocity
268
00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:25,935
by using this simple
tabletop fan.
269
00:11:30,231 --> 00:11:33,109
Aah, the wind!
It's happening again.
270
00:11:33,109 --> 00:11:36,821
Save yourselves!
The vortex of death is upon us!
271
00:11:38,323 --> 00:11:40,492
He's still traumatized!
272
00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:42,077
Mia, carry Duncan out
273
00:11:42,077 --> 00:11:44,496
so we can continue laughing
guilt-free.
274
00:11:46,247 --> 00:11:48,375
They're not laughing at me,
are they?
275
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:51,920
Of course not.
High school is a safe space.
276
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,963
Mia, can you keep a secret?
277
00:11:53,963 --> 00:11:56,091
I'm not over
the skydiving thing.
278
00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:57,217
Duncan, are you familiar
279
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,427
with cognitive
behavioral therapy?
280
00:11:59,427 --> 00:12:01,096
Uh, refresh me.
281
00:12:01,096 --> 00:12:04,516
The only way to get over
your fear is to face your fear.
282
00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:06,559
It's how I'm able
to be in the same room
283
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,770
as my grandma's
porcelain dolls.
284
00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:10,605
We have to go back
to Teen Zone and--
285
00:12:10,605 --> 00:12:12,315
Okay, okay.
286
00:12:12,315 --> 00:12:13,900
We'll get that cleaned up,
287
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,944
but you need to go back
in that skydiving machine...
288
00:12:15,944 --> 00:12:17,612
And heal your trauma
289
00:12:17,612 --> 00:12:19,114
by confronting your phobia.
290
00:12:19,114 --> 00:12:22,117
Can't we do it in baby steps,
like you point a hair dryer
291
00:12:22,117 --> 00:12:25,453
in my face, and the next day,
you turn it on?
292
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:26,663
Duncan, no.
293
00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:28,456
I watched a whole TikTok
about this.
294
00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:31,668
You're gonna meet me there
today at 4:00, before dinner,
295
00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:34,963
and you're gonna
make that machine ya bitch.
296
00:12:34,963 --> 00:12:36,297
Hey, Dunc, we're sorry for--
297
00:12:36,297 --> 00:12:38,299
What did you eat, man?
298
00:12:40,301 --> 00:12:42,512
♪ My computer hit the floor ♪
299
00:12:42,512 --> 00:12:44,889
♪ I went to the Apple store ♪
300
00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:48,059
♪ They were rude,
they were rude ♪
301
00:12:48,059 --> 00:12:50,311
♪ Returning my Mac ♪
302
00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:52,480
♪ Returning
my Mac ♪
303
00:12:52,480 --> 00:12:55,316
♪ 'Cause it died on me ♪
304
00:12:55,316 --> 00:12:58,319
♪ You said
there was a warranty ♪
305
00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:03,992
Thank you, Mr. Mitch,
for that soulful complaint.
306
00:13:03,992 --> 00:13:05,702
Okay, fellow Screechers.
307
00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:07,454
We have a real treat today.
308
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,247
She burst
onto the complaining scene
309
00:13:09,247 --> 00:13:11,708
with her blistering takedown
of Teen Zone.
310
00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:14,919
I think she's got a real future
in bitching and moaning.
311
00:13:14,919 --> 00:13:17,756
Give it up for Annie Harris!
312
00:13:19,424 --> 00:13:22,302
It's so nice to meet
such a lovely group
313
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:23,678
of fed-up people.
314
00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:26,765
My only complaint is that
it didn't happen sooner.
315
00:13:26,765 --> 00:13:28,266
Aww.
316
00:13:28,266 --> 00:13:29,351
Enough chitchat.
317
00:13:29,351 --> 00:13:30,518
We're all here
because we're tired
318
00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:32,354
of being gouged by Teen Zone.
319
00:13:34,064 --> 00:13:35,857
Screech, sister, screech!
320
00:13:35,857 --> 00:13:38,068
Yeah, I went there for my
nephew's first Communion.
321
00:13:38,068 --> 00:13:40,028
The eggplant Parm was for crap.
322
00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:42,864
Yeah, and they charged me
5,000 tickets
323
00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:45,533
for this expired pack
of Jolly Ranchers.
324
00:13:45,533 --> 00:13:46,993
Ugh! Ew!
325
00:13:46,993 --> 00:13:49,788
The air hockey table
had no air.
326
00:13:49,788 --> 00:13:52,874
I had a hot flash,
and it did nothing.
327
00:13:52,874 --> 00:13:56,586
Teen Zone's Screech page is
littered with our complaints,
328
00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:58,546
and they haven't done
a damn thing.
329
00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:01,132
It's time
to take the fight to them.
330
00:14:01,132 --> 00:14:03,051
Whoa, whoa, Annie.
331
00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:04,552
You mean, like, offline?
332
00:14:04,552 --> 00:14:07,305
But we're
anonymous curmudgeons.
333
00:14:07,305 --> 00:14:08,390
Not anymore.
334
00:14:08,390 --> 00:14:10,809
You just haven't had
a charismatic leader like me.
335
00:14:10,809 --> 00:14:12,310
- Hmm.
- No offense, Patricia.
336
00:14:12,310 --> 00:14:13,812
I'm just trying
to whip them up.
337
00:14:13,812 --> 00:14:15,146
Well, it's working.
338
00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:17,107
I say we write
a strongly worded letter
339
00:14:17,107 --> 00:14:18,775
and slip it
under the friggin' door.
340
00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:21,236
I've heard petitions
pack a pow.
341
00:14:21,236 --> 00:14:23,071
We wouldn't use our real names,
of course.
342
00:14:23,071 --> 00:14:24,572
Somebody could get mad.
343
00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:27,117
Come on, people.
We need a big idea!
344
00:14:27,117 --> 00:14:29,202
What's the wildest thing
you can think of?
345
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:32,372
I've got it.
Back down and face reality.
346
00:14:36,167 --> 00:14:37,377
Hey, honey.
347
00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:42,465
Are you... Jack?
348
00:14:42,465 --> 00:14:45,468
I told you, on school grounds,
you're my Uber driver.
349
00:14:45,468 --> 00:14:46,720
How was your day?
350
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,930
Well, Claire Heimlich'd
some guy who was choking,
351
00:14:48,930 --> 00:14:51,558
so now I'm officially the only
girl who hasn't gotten torso.
352
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:53,309
- Thanks, Mom.
- I'm sorry, honey.
353
00:14:53,309 --> 00:14:55,186
Your mom just has
this set of principles
354
00:14:55,186 --> 00:14:57,981
that, to be honest,
I wish I had.
355
00:14:57,981 --> 00:15:00,066
Cuttin' the line.
356
00:15:04,029 --> 00:15:05,989
What's with
the children of the corn?
357
00:15:05,989 --> 00:15:08,658
They're all mad
about my party.
358
00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:11,077
It wasn't my fault.
It was my wife!
359
00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:12,579
You were complicit.
360
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:14,330
Let's go home, Daddy.
361
00:15:14,330 --> 00:15:16,875
There's nothing you could do
to make this better.
362
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:21,046
That is one sad
little bambina.
363
00:15:21,046 --> 00:15:23,214
Mm... mm!
364
00:15:23,214 --> 00:15:26,384
Actually,
there is one thing I can do.
365
00:15:26,384 --> 00:15:30,180
Birthday party do-over
at Teen Zone!
366
00:15:30,180 --> 00:15:32,223
What about Mom?
367
00:15:32,223 --> 00:15:34,309
Don't make me overthink this.
You know I'll fold.
368
00:15:34,309 --> 00:15:35,935
Everyone, pile in the truck.
369
00:15:35,935 --> 00:15:37,604
Yay!
370
00:15:37,604 --> 00:15:38,938
Even me?
371
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:41,649
Even you, Head Lice Kid.
372
00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:43,026
Gah!
373
00:15:48,198 --> 00:15:50,658
Uh-huh,
prank deliver pizzas
374
00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:52,619
to the place
that already serves pizzas.
375
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:55,038
That's some real antifa stuff
there, Helen.
376
00:15:55,038 --> 00:15:57,040
Well, at least I'm pitching.
377
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,708
Ooh, I know--
we grab a lighter,
378
00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,710
stuff a rag
in a bottle of alcohol...
379
00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:02,045
I'm listening.
380
00:16:02,045 --> 00:16:04,047
Then wipe the specials
off their menu board
381
00:16:04,047 --> 00:16:05,757
and raise our lighters
in triumph.
382
00:16:05,757 --> 00:16:07,676
- I like it!
- Diabolical.
383
00:16:07,676 --> 00:16:08,968
Genius, Mr. Mitch.
384
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:11,429
I pitched that
30 minutes ago.
385
00:16:17,227 --> 00:16:19,396
I'll help you
destroy Teen Zone.
386
00:16:19,396 --> 00:16:22,357
But we have to do it today...
by 4:00 p.m.
387
00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:24,526
Duncan, you ruined
Patricia's wallpaper.
388
00:16:24,526 --> 00:16:27,112
I'm sorry,
who the hell is Duncan?
389
00:16:27,112 --> 00:16:30,657
I'm the cure,
and Teen Zone's the cancer.
390
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,534
And I'm the cure.
391
00:16:32,534 --> 00:16:35,537
Nothing gets a business
shut down faster than this.
392
00:16:36,955 --> 00:16:38,123
We're in.
393
00:16:38,123 --> 00:16:40,375
I'm sorry, I couldn't see.
What is it?
394
00:16:40,375 --> 00:16:42,127
Ugh, it's rats.
395
00:16:43,294 --> 00:16:44,754
We're in.
396
00:16:51,052 --> 00:16:52,429
And if you just sign here,
397
00:16:52,429 --> 00:16:53,972
you're good to go
for laser tag.
398
00:16:53,972 --> 00:16:56,266
Laser recharge fee?
399
00:16:56,266 --> 00:16:58,727
Hell yeah, I'm paying that.
Whoo!
400
00:16:58,727 --> 00:17:01,396
And I'm gonna pay the $3
per slice cake-cutting fee
401
00:17:01,396 --> 00:17:03,732
and fund
the employee health plan.
402
00:17:03,732 --> 00:17:07,652
Thanks, Teen Zone depends
on gutless Dads like you.
403
00:17:07,652 --> 00:17:10,238
Gouge me anytime, Maddie.
404
00:17:13,825 --> 00:17:15,785
All right, all right,
you know the drill from when
405
00:17:15,785 --> 00:17:17,871
you were disappointed here
mere days ago.
406
00:17:17,871 --> 00:17:22,000
General Zapblood. Maggots.
Kill, kill, kill. Go!
407
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:24,544
Thanks for going
behind Mommy's back, Daddy.
408
00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:27,213
Get some! Aah!
409
00:17:27,213 --> 00:17:28,923
Hmm?
410
00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:30,425
Must have flooded it.
411
00:17:30,425 --> 00:17:32,802
Token me, Dad.
I'm getting some torso today.
412
00:17:32,802 --> 00:17:34,387
I still don't know
what that means,
413
00:17:34,387 --> 00:17:36,598
but I want all
of my children happy.
414
00:17:36,598 --> 00:17:38,641
Get some!
415
00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:41,394
All right, here's the plan.
416
00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,146
We walk in, we let the rats go,
417
00:17:43,146 --> 00:17:45,899
the evil empire
that is Teen Zone falls,
418
00:17:45,899 --> 00:17:48,818
and no innocent family is ever
taken advantage of again.
419
00:17:48,818 --> 00:17:50,111
I'm gonna be honest
with you all.
420
00:17:50,111 --> 00:17:51,780
I just wanted a ride
to Teen Zone.
421
00:17:51,780 --> 00:17:54,449
I love their cheese fries.
Get some!
422
00:17:54,449 --> 00:17:57,160
I hope you choke
on those fries, you traitor.
423
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:02,916
Let's go.
These rats smell like crap.
424
00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:06,169
We got to take this
place down...
425
00:18:06,169 --> 00:18:07,796
by 4:00 p.m.
426
00:18:07,796 --> 00:18:10,590
Heavy bottom. Double pluck.
427
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:13,176
Panty power-up.
428
00:18:13,176 --> 00:18:16,763
Aw, yeah, going home
with a crazy groupie tonight!
429
00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:18,181
Jack!
430
00:18:18,181 --> 00:18:19,432
What are you doing here?
431
00:18:19,432 --> 00:18:21,267
It's not what it looks like.
432
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:23,186
I'm just redoing Jing's party
433
00:18:23,186 --> 00:18:25,355
against your
deepest wishes, God!
434
00:18:25,355 --> 00:18:28,608
- Hey, Wind Walker.
- Mia! It's not 4:00 p.m. yet.
435
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,568
I got here early so I could
set up the livestream
436
00:18:30,568 --> 00:18:32,487
so every kid in town
can watch.
437
00:18:32,487 --> 00:18:34,489
That's how much
I believe in you.
438
00:18:34,489 --> 00:18:36,199
Rat the place, Mom.
439
00:18:37,534 --> 00:18:38,993
How could you do this, Jack?
440
00:18:38,993 --> 00:18:40,912
I thought we were
on the same page.
441
00:18:40,912 --> 00:18:44,040
And you're here paying extra
for the water in the pool!
442
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:45,917
It's a clunky metaphor, Annie.
443
00:18:45,917 --> 00:18:47,752
Look, you were right
to stand up to this place,
444
00:18:47,752 --> 00:18:50,005
but if we took on every company
that exploits our love
445
00:18:50,005 --> 00:18:51,715
for our children,
what are we left with,
446
00:18:51,715 --> 00:18:53,049
entertaining them ourselves?
447
00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:54,551
You want me
to saw you in half, Annie?
448
00:18:54,551 --> 00:18:56,052
'Cause that's
where this is heading!
449
00:18:57,053 --> 00:18:59,014
Principles are great,
but are they gonna put
450
00:18:59,014 --> 00:19:01,474
a smile like that
on our kid's face?
451
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:03,143
Blast, blast!
452
00:19:03,143 --> 00:19:06,062
Die slow, Bradley!
453
00:19:06,062 --> 00:19:07,230
Aww.
454
00:19:07,230 --> 00:19:08,523
Support my daughter,
455
00:19:08,523 --> 00:19:09,858
release the rats.
456
00:19:09,858 --> 00:19:11,735
Support my daughter,
release the rats.
457
00:19:11,735 --> 00:19:14,571
- Why is this so hard, Jack?
- I don't know.
458
00:19:14,571 --> 00:19:16,489
Honestly, it seems
pretty clear-cut.
459
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:19,576
Now, that was
a laser-pocalypse!
460
00:19:19,576 --> 00:19:22,787
Put your sticky little hands
together for Jing!
461
00:19:22,787 --> 00:19:24,831
Jing! Jing! Jing!
462
00:19:27,042 --> 00:19:29,627
Attention, Jing party of ten.
463
00:19:29,627 --> 00:19:32,881
Re-recharge those lasers
and break out the crap pizza.
464
00:19:32,881 --> 00:19:35,884
You're staying here all night!
Ugh!
465
00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:38,053
Actually, we close at 6:00.
466
00:19:38,053 --> 00:19:42,057
You close at what time,
you money-grubbing leeches?
467
00:19:42,057 --> 00:19:44,726
I mean, I could stay
until, like, 7:30, I guess.
468
00:19:44,726 --> 00:19:46,603
That's all night
to a five-year-old.
469
00:19:46,603 --> 00:19:48,188
I love you, Mommy.
470
00:19:48,188 --> 00:19:50,648
Happy birthday, sweetheart.
471
00:19:50,648 --> 00:19:52,067
Sweet moment, Annie,
472
00:19:52,067 --> 00:19:53,318
but we came for blood.
473
00:19:53,318 --> 00:19:55,737
Small-business blood.
474
00:19:55,737 --> 00:19:57,864
I know your pain,
I know you're hurt,
475
00:19:57,864 --> 00:19:59,240
but you need to go home now.
476
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:01,076
You're very special,
we love you,
477
00:20:01,076 --> 00:20:03,244
but go home
and go home in peace.
478
00:20:03,244 --> 00:20:04,871
Like hell, Annie!
479
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:07,290
You got us offline
and riled up!
480
00:20:10,669 --> 00:20:12,253
Come on, rats. Damn!
481
00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:14,005
Okay, Kimberly, torso time.
482
00:20:14,005 --> 00:20:15,090
Aah!
483
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:19,761
Oh, no, no.
484
00:20:19,761 --> 00:20:21,179
I'm not ready, you monster!
485
00:20:21,179 --> 00:20:22,555
Of course you are.
486
00:20:22,555 --> 00:20:24,224
I'll be right there
holding your hand,
487
00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:25,975
and if you throw up,
I'll be right there
488
00:20:25,975 --> 00:20:27,394
holding your hair.
489
00:20:31,022 --> 00:20:33,858
I'm doing it!
I'm the greatest skydiver ever!
490
00:20:33,858 --> 00:20:36,277
I had nothing to be afraid of.
491
00:20:41,116 --> 00:20:43,743
Ratnado!
492
00:20:46,121 --> 00:20:50,875
He's gonna be
even more traumatized.
493
00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:53,211
Grandma, will you make me
a rat costume
494
00:20:53,211 --> 00:20:54,713
for school tomorrow?
495
00:20:54,713 --> 00:20:56,798
Way ahead of you, dear.
496
00:20:59,676 --> 00:21:00,760
Tired of lame arcades
497
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:02,721
{\an8}with just games, rides,
and prizes?
498
00:21:02,721 --> 00:21:04,889
{\an8}I wish there was a place
with something cool,
499
00:21:04,889 --> 00:21:06,182
{\an8}like rats.
500
00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:08,435
{\an8}Teen Zone,
Teen Zone, Teen Zone.
501
00:21:08,435 --> 00:21:09,769
{\an8}Now with rats!
502
00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:11,104
{\an8}Rat-ical.
503
00:21:11,104 --> 00:21:13,773
{\an8}They've got rabies, baby.
504
00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:16,776
{\an8}- We survived Ratnado.
- Can you?
505
00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:19,779
{\an8}Teen Zone:
Where Teens and Rats Go In!
506
00:21:19,779 --> 00:21:21,322
{\an8}Rats are an additional charge.
507
00:21:24,701 --> 00:21:26,536
{\an8}It was worth it
for the free tokens.
508
00:21:26,536 --> 00:21:29,122
{\an8}Totally. Let's go downtown
and bite people.
509
00:21:29,122 --> 00:21:30,457
{\an8}Get some!
510
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:37,839
Captioned by Captionmax
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