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Previously on
Dark Side of the Ring...
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Every wrestling fan
knew Chris Benoit's work.
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00:00:06,720 --> 00:00:08,800
With a headbutt to the heart!
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This is my favorite page. The love
that Chris and Nancy always had.
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Chris was always a great father,
very much about his family.
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He was my hero, you know.
I looked up to him.
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I have never seen a closer friendship
than between Chris and Eddie.
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-Eddie Guerrero has passed away.
-I thought, "My God, Chris."
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I love you, Eddie.
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He didn't handle it well.
Let me just say that.
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Nancy started getting worried.
"I'm worried for Chris."
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I just had this bad feeling.
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More now on a developing story
in Fayette County.
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The deaths of a wrestler
and his family.
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In the wake of Chris Benoit's death,
the world is searching for answers.
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What comes to light goes beyond
anything anyone could imagine.
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People couldn't believe it,
couldn't fathom that it was possible.
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It can't be real.
Like, where's my nephew?
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The person that I knew
would not do this horrific thing.
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I think this is gonna be gigantic.
It will affect WWE.
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Question is,
was he on steroids at this time?
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Did the blows to the head
Benoit received in the ring
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fundamentally change his brain?
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It really, really was
the darkest time in my life.
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Watch Online Movies and Series for FREE
www.osdb.link/lm
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The county is a laid-back community.
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A family atmosphere.
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Not a whole lot of crime.
It's pretty peaceful.
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My name is Larry Alden.
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I was with the Sheriff's office.
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I was the lieutenant in charge
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on the day of the Benoit incident.
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I'd been a detective
for 15 or 20 years.
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I'd probably seen Chris
once or twice a week at the gym,
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which was in the middle
of Fayetteville.
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He didn't talk a lot.
He was focused on his workout.
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I never heard about him.
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I didn't even know where he lived
until the call came on the radio.
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I run the security
for World Wrestling
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and one of our wrestlers is missing.
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-And what's his name?
-Chris Benoit.
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Okay. And he's a wrestler?
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Yes, he's a religious gentleman
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and yesterday,
he had a Pay Per View
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and he never showed up.
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It's out of character for him.
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All right. We'll send somebody
out there to check on him.
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If you want to call us back
in 45 minutes.
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If he's there,
we'll tell him to give you a call.
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I was in my patrol car,
riding around the county
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and was pretty close to the area
when the call went out.
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I figured it was a welfare check.
Maybe he was sick, maybe drunk.
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Didn't really know what.
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I pulled up on scene
when the neighbor was walking over,
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and I walked up and asked
if she had seen Mr. Benoit.
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"It's been three or four days
since I've seen anybody there."
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There was two large canines
in the yard.
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I believe
they were German Shepherds.
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We asked if she could move the dogs
elsewhere
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so we could go up there
and do the welfare check.
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"Me and the dogs get along great.
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I feed them
whenever they're out of town."
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And she jumped the fence.
The dog's right there with her.
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She walked them in there,
never holding them.
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It was taking a little longer
than I thought it should take
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but then she ran out the door,
screaming that, "Daniel's dead."
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From "just a regular welfare check"
to "we got something more serious."
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We crossed the fence at that time,
myself and Deputy Mundy.
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And we went in through the side door,
which she had left open.
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We drew our weapons,
not knowing what we'd come upon.
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It was daylight, plenty of windows,
a lot of light coming in.
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There was an odor in the house.
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I looked over at Deputy Mundy.
I said, "Something's dead in here."
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A stairway went up to a bedroom,
so we went up those steps
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and that's where the juvenile child
was at, lying in bed.
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I noticed the child
was laying on the bed, face down.
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Mundy said, "Do we start CPR?"
And I said, "No." He'd passed away.
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We started clearing all the rooms
and doors.
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We found another room,
where we found Miss Benoit at.
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She was laying on the floor,
wrapped up in a blanket
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or maybe a rug
or something like that.
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Went downstairs to the basement.
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A couple of large, open rooms.
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And the last door we opened
was the gym door.
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And that's where Mr. Benoit was at.
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Because of the mirrors and the angle
Deputy Mundy was at, to my right,
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she saw the reflection
at the far end of the room,
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which might have been 10 feet away
from where he actually was.
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And she said, "Show me your hands.
Fayette County Sheriff's Department."
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She could not see he had cable from
a weight machine around his neck
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and had some weights on it.
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So I told her,
"He's right here. He's passed away."
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Radio had called us,
asked if everything was okay.
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And I told them it looked like
it might be a homicide and suicide.
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It was within three minutes
of us walking back outside
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that somebody
had strung crime scene tape
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across the front of the property.
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I remember I was driving home.
My son was with me.
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And I got a call from a WWE writer.
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He said, "Are you sitting down?"
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I'm like, "What's going on?"
He said, "Chris is dead."
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I said, "What? Chris who?"
And he says, "Chris Benoit."
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And I pulled over
and I just started bawling.
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My son said, "Daddy, you cry funny."
I was just crying, just bawling.
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At this time,
no one knew what happened.
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So WWE is just thinking
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that Chris Benoit has passed away,
along with Nancy and Daniel.
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They're not thinking,
was it a break in?
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Was it carbon monoxide?
What's going on?
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You just know two friends are gone.
And no one has answers.
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Vince McMahon, the chairman,
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had to do something.
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So we did
what we thought was right.
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Tonight, this arena here
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was to have been
filled to capacity...
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...with enthusiastic WWE fans.
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We tried to honor the guy,
his family, his fans,
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but we didn't have a full story.
Shame on us for that, I guess.
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Tonight will be
a three-hour tribute...
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...to one of the greatest...
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WWE superstars of all time.
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We just know Chris Benoit is gone,
as is his family.
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Of course, I'm gonna pay tribute
to my friend.
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I would trust you, with me,
with my life, with my kids' lives
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'cause I know you, Chris,
I know your heart.
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They asked if I wanted to be on it.
"Absolutely not."
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I remember just sitting there,
dead with a bottle of vodka,
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just drinking, like, you know.
Eddie's was bad but this was worse.
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Chris was not just a great wrestler,
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but one of my best friends
in this business.
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We did not know all the information.
That's our fault.
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We tried to serve the audience.
It was a major story.
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It was hitting all the news sources,
and we had a TV show.
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We wanted to update people,
but didn't have all the information.
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But we didn't know we didn't.
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The authorities said,
"This happened."
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"Oh, guess what, we were wrong.
This is not what happened."
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Chris was a guy
you'd wanna go to war with.
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It was hard, because at that time,
some guys were,
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in their speeches, praising Chris.
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-Because Chris Benoit was my hero.
-I love you, Chris.
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When I watched the Raw Tribute,
everybody was talking about Benoit
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and how great of a performer he was
and how amazing he was,
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but I thought Regal's words
were very revealing.
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Now, all I'm willing to say is that
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Chris Benoit was undoubtedly...
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the hardest-working man
in professional wrestling.
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Afterwards, you found out
he lived in the same city as Chris
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and knew a lot
about the fights Nancy and him had
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or what Chris was going through.
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I'm not sure who'd have noticed,
but knowing what I knew about him,
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I started thinking,
"Wow, this is not good."
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My sister told me to spoil myself,
go to the mall, get some makeup
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and have some wine with lunch
and go watch a movie.
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I came out of the theater,
22 missed calls from my parents.
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And my parents
wouldn't tell me anything.
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They wanted me in my driveway
and inside before they told me.
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That's how I found out.
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And then, when it finally sunk in,
I just lost control of myself.
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It was very difficult. I had to go
to the hospital and be sedated.
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I was in Edmonton
and then this number kept calling.
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My mum's cell, unknown number,
unknown number, unknown number.
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And then, she finally answered it
and it was the police, RCMP.
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So we left,
rolled down to the station.
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She found out first.
I see her crying there.
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She couldn't spit it out, so...
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The cop told me they all passed away
over the weekend.
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I punched him in the chest.
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And then me and the cop
went for a walk. We talked.
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And that, you know,
"Your dad loved you.
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They all loved you,"
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and I thought it was a joke,
I really did.
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Daddy.
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It wasn't until after the show
that the details started coming in.
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More on a developing story
in Fayette County,
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the deaths of a wrestler's family.
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Authorities say
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the bodies were found
this afternoon in their home.
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It's being investigated
as a murder-suicide,
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but without crime lab reports,
exactly what happened is unclear.
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That's when all these details came.
It's not just him that's dead,
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it's Nancy and then Daniel as well.
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That's when it went out of control.
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The father killed his wife and son
and then committed suicide.
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You didn't want to believe it.
Can't be true. But it was.
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The evidence indicates that
it was a brutal and vicious murder.
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It was something that showed
some sign of real rage.
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I'm Matthew Randazzo V,
author of Ring of Hell,
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the story of Chris Benoit
and pro wrestling's fall.
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That week, that Friday,
Chris had a barbecue with Daniel.
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That Friday evening,
Chris and Nancy argued.
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Chris restrained Nancy with duct tape
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and utilized a telephone cord
to strangle her.
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Then placed a Bible
next to her body.
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The beer cans and wine bottles
indicate he may have been drinking.
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Next morning, on Saturday, Chris,
we assume gave his son Xanax
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and then murdered him in his room,
being suffocated by his father.
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A Bible was then placed
next to Daniel, as well.
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Chris made a phone call
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and told his friends Daniel and Nancy
both had a bad stomach virus
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and that he had to take them
to the hospital.
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That night, Chris went to bed
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with the bodies of his wife and child
in the house.
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On Sunday, his Internet searches
are chilling in retrospect.
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One, for a Bible story
about the prophet Elijah
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and the resurrection of a dead boy.
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Then, the quickest and most painless
way of breaking one's own neck.
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Chris then went to his home gym
with a half-drunken bottle of wine.
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He went to his lat machine.
He took the bar off.
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Put a towel around his neck
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and he took the metal cord
and put it around his neck.
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He set the weights to 240 pounds.
And then he released it.
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00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:41,080
So it's a very bizarre scenario.
It's a very bizarre weekend.
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00:13:41,240 --> 00:13:43,240
And it doesn't leave many answers.
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He was just a guy. My friend.
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Nobody expects their friend
to kill their family. Like, what?
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When I found out
what had really happened,
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the shock is... you can't believe it.
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He had put his knee in her back
and essentially broke her back.
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00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:05,760
I couldn't fathom how cruel,
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00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:07,840
and how much pain
she went through
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00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,480
and how horrific
that must have been for her.
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00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:12,600
It was just unfathomable.
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00:14:12,760 --> 00:14:15,440
If Chris did give Daniel that,
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00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:17,840
you know, medication or pills
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00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:21,160
and suffocate him, you know,
shame on him.
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00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:23,440
Daniel was innocent in all this.
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00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:25,680
We heard other things about...
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00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:29,960
the circumstances of him
putting the Bibles by their sides
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00:14:30,120 --> 00:14:31,800
and having a knife
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00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:35,600
that he planted under Daniel's bed
or something like that.
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Still couldn't wrap my head
around it.
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00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:42,880
It sounded like a bad horror movie.
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00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:47,320
And now I'm a part of...
235
00:14:47,480 --> 00:14:51,920
humanizing a murderer? Strange.
236
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:55,960
I mean, to think that Nancy
was dead for two days
237
00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:58,280
before Chris took his life.
238
00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:03,560
How is that even logical
for this man who loved her so much?
239
00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:07,520
Later, it turned out that
there was a Bible in the house
240
00:15:07,680 --> 00:15:10,440
similar to the ones left
by Nancy and Daniel's body
241
00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:13,680
that Chris had left something
akin to a suicide note.
242
00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:17,680
Something along the lines of,
"I'm preparing to leave this Earth."
243
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:21,480
So Chris did leave a suicide note.
He did know what he was doing.
244
00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:24,760
He was lucid enough to understand
what was happening
245
00:15:24,920 --> 00:15:28,040
and to consider taking a flight
to wrestle that night
246
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:29,720
on international television.
247
00:15:29,880 --> 00:15:31,240
Good evening.
248
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:36,000
We came up on air, and Vince talking
and explaining what happened.
249
00:15:36,160 --> 00:15:40,200
Last night, the WWE presented
a special tribute show,
250
00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:43,280
recognizing
the career of Chris Benoit.
251
00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:45,840
However, now, some 26 hours later,
252
00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:49,880
the facts of this horrific tragedy
are now apparent.
253
00:15:50,040 --> 00:15:51,760
Therefore, other than now,
254
00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:54,720
there will be no mention
of Mr. Benoit tonight.
255
00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:58,800
It was understood
that we were not to speak of Chris,
256
00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:01,640
speak of anyone of that incident.
257
00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:03,560
And by that next week,
258
00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:07,800
Chris' name was erased
from everything involved with WWE.
259
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:12,240
I mean, when we did interviews,
we were not to mention Chris Benoit.
260
00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:14,680
So that was really hard for us to do
261
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:19,160
but because we all wanted our jobs,
it was understood.
262
00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:22,800
I know WWE has kinda
erased his history in the business,
263
00:16:22,960 --> 00:16:25,920
and I understand
and totally agree with what they did.
264
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:29,160
We're not gonna praise a guy
who murdered his wife or son.
265
00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:32,160
Don't give him
any accolades for that.
266
00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:34,800
I went to Nancy and Daniel's funeral.
267
00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:38,520
You can't believe how sad it was.
268
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:41,960
I was the WWE representative,
just me. It was the shits.
269
00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:44,720
People crying
and a kid being buried
270
00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:47,080
and a woman being buried
for no reason.
271
00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:48,720
No reason to die.
272
00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:53,200
The WWE sent JR,
and I lost my cool with him
273
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:57,560
and told him to his face
that he wasn't welcome at the wake.
274
00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:02,320
It was all a work,
just fake garbage, nonsense.
275
00:17:02,480 --> 00:17:08,680
I can see a work coming a mile away
and that's what I saw.
276
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:11,480
I was the most unwanted person
in the building
277
00:17:11,640 --> 00:17:16,400
because I was a WWE guy
and loved him as much as anybody.
278
00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:18,680
Everybody was just a mess.
279
00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:22,600
It's shitty and it's sad
and it's unfair
280
00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:25,640
because two people
could still be with us today.
281
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:28,720
And if Chris wanted to take his life
then so be it.
282
00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:33,320
But to take all of them...
I didn't go to Chris' funeral.
283
00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:38,400
I was angry at that point.
Angry at Chris, for what he did.
284
00:17:38,560 --> 00:17:41,640
His funeral was very private.
We didn't tell anyone.
285
00:17:41,800 --> 00:17:46,800
That's when it all hit me at once.
I was crying my eyes out.
286
00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:49,840
Who in the wrestling business
took care of your family
287
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:52,080
in the aftermath of this?
288
00:17:52,240 --> 00:17:56,400
Is that a serious question?
Not a single person. No one.
289
00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:59,640
Did anyone from the WWE reach out
to you and your family?
290
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:06,800
Chris Jericho and Chavo Guerrero.
That's it. Nobody else. Screw them.
291
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:10,880
They weren't there for me, you know,
292
00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:14,320
they backed off
like I didn't even exist.
293
00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:18,520
It was so hard, after the funeral,
294
00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:23,360
'cause the media
was just nonstop, 24/7.
295
00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:27,280
Tonight, the strange
and very sad case of Chris Benoit.
296
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:31,000
I didn't even watch the news.
I didn't watch TV for months.
297
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:33,200
I couldn't even watch wrestling.
298
00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:34,680
The police tell us
299
00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:39,240
instruments of death were found,
not instruments of murder.
300
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:41,160
There'll be an autopsy report,
301
00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:44,240
but there's a lot of confusion
about how this happened.
302
00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:47,760
It really was the darkest time
in my life.
303
00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:50,760
Benoit had
an intense onstage persona.
304
00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:53,600
He was the Rabid Wolverine,
the Canadian Crippler.
305
00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:57,080
The couple met when
her former husband drew up a script
306
00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:59,120
that put them in a relationship.
307
00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:01,120
It made everything difficult.
308
00:19:01,280 --> 00:19:04,160
It made everything
under a magnifying glass
309
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:09,040
'cause CNN and Fox and everyone
were at the gates.
310
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:12,640
A double murder-suicide
with a 7-year-old kid is news.
311
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:16,240
But there's a point where you need
to let the family grieve.
312
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:20,680
All I really wanted to do
was to be with my niece and nephew.
313
00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:25,520
The media's reaction was typical
because, A, they love a tragedy.
314
00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:29,760
And they love to blame wrestling.
They had a field day.
315
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:34,720
Professional wrestlers are 20 times
more likely to die before age 45
316
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:37,280
than professional football players.
317
00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:39,880
A lot of the media
looks down at wrestling.
318
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:42,080
Now it was public enemy
number one.
319
00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:46,280
Chris Benoit's diary is revealing
new info on his state of mind.
320
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:48,960
The wrestler wrote letters
to his best friend.
321
00:19:49,120 --> 00:19:51,920
At one point, Benoit wrote,
"I'll be with you soon."
322
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:56,360
Mike Benoit believes
it's the diary of his son going mad.
323
00:19:56,520 --> 00:20:00,440
We just didn't understand
this was going on in Chris' life.
324
00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:07,360
I got a call from Chris' dad.
He knew my relationship with Chris.
325
00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:09,560
The first thing he asked was, "Why?"
326
00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:13,360
From a father's standpoint,
I can understand how upset he was.
327
00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:16,640
Unfortunately,
I didn't have any answers for him.
328
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:20,080
People need to understand that,
that was not him.
329
00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:23,760
Not the person we knew,
the person I loved, my hero.
330
00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:26,280
The term being thrown around
is "roid rage".
331
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:29,480
Some say steroid abuse is rampant
at the organization
332
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:32,000
and everyone just turns a blind eye.
333
00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:35,640
The media's initial response
was that this was roid rage.
334
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:39,280
Where do steroids stand
in the bizarre Benoit deaths?
335
00:20:39,440 --> 00:20:41,560
Wrestling, when Chris started,
336
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:45,880
was discriminatory against people
who were not six-foot-plus tall,
337
00:20:46,040 --> 00:20:49,280
who were not 250 pounds or more
and very, very muscular.
338
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:53,520
I understand Benoit used steroids
from when he was in high school.
339
00:20:53,680 --> 00:20:57,800
In the months before the murders,
Chris received texts from Nancy
340
00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:01,520
in which she made it very clear
she was tired of his steroid abuse.
341
00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:04,200
Nancy directly accused him
of abusing steroids
342
00:21:04,360 --> 00:21:05,880
to the point that he became
343
00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:08,680
an angry
and violent and unhappy husband.
344
00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:12,520
She said the WWE's
drug enforcement policy
345
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:14,480
and testing regime was nonsense:
346
00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:19,240
a Wellness Program
which allegedly tested every wrestler
347
00:21:19,400 --> 00:21:23,800
to make sure they weren't using
drugs or steroids.
348
00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:27,640
At that time, instituting
a wellness program like that,
349
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:29,200
everybody was happy
350
00:21:29,360 --> 00:21:31,880
that some of these guys
were gonna get help.
351
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:37,720
Anything to help talent,
save guys from themselves.
352
00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:44,200
After Eddie died, the WWE's testing
was super strict. Through the roof.
353
00:21:44,360 --> 00:21:49,240
You couldn't even take an aspirin,
like, a high-powered aspirin,
354
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:52,200
unless you had a prescription,
and I'm not kidding.
355
00:21:52,360 --> 00:21:56,520
It's so strict. "Rampant
steroid use?" Dude, you can't.
356
00:21:56,680 --> 00:22:00,880
You can't go snort cocaine
or smoke weed or anything.
357
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:05,720
In practice, it was seen that
this initial version of the program
358
00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:09,080
had large loopholes in it,
and large blind spots
359
00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:13,520
that allowed wrestlers to continue
to use drugs at a really large scale
360
00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:15,520
without tripping the tests.
361
00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:18,880
Speculation is running wild.
Did steroids play a role,
362
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:20,960
or is there another explanation?
363
00:22:21,120 --> 00:22:24,160
With us is WWE Chairman
Vince McMahon.
364
00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:27,080
WWE did everything they could
to combat any coverage
365
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:31,040
that indicated that drug abuse
was the cause of the homicides.
366
00:22:31,200 --> 00:22:32,880
This is not an act of rage.
367
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:35,960
It's an act of deliberation
that took three days.
368
00:22:36,120 --> 00:22:40,400
It's not rage, be it steroid
or roid rage, whatever it's called.
369
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:52,560
It's all speculation until
the toxicology reports come back.
370
00:22:52,720 --> 00:22:57,080
In his autopsy, Chris Benoit had
enormous amounts of testosterone,
371
00:22:57,240 --> 00:23:00,960
and testosterone is still a steroid
that's banned in all major sports.
372
00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:04,600
It leads to increased muscle growth.
Some folks have said
373
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:07,560
he had 10 times the normal amount
in his body.
374
00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:11,360
Did Benoit pass the check
leading up to the murders?
375
00:23:11,520 --> 00:23:15,000
Yes, preposterously, Chris Benoit
passed the wellness checks,
376
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:19,080
despite the irrefutable fact that he
took enormous amounts of steroids.
377
00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:24,080
Well, after it initially happened,
I actually had nightmares.
378
00:23:24,240 --> 00:23:29,600
It was very traumatic. As a female,
I tend to really get angry with him,
379
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:31,720
the man she thought
would protect her
380
00:23:31,880 --> 00:23:34,320
is the one that took her life.
381
00:23:34,480 --> 00:23:38,000
There was a lot of stuff going on
that no one knew about.
382
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:40,200
A lot of volatile fights.
383
00:23:40,360 --> 00:23:44,000
I'd always heard about Nancy,
she didn't take shit.
384
00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:47,880
So I just know
there was a lot of volatility there.
385
00:23:48,040 --> 00:23:50,720
That's the word I think was used,
"volatile".
386
00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:54,840
Sometimes Nancy would call me
and say she and Chris were fighting.
387
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,040
There was an incident in Tampa,
388
00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:00,440
and Chris was upset.
They were driving to our house
389
00:24:00,600 --> 00:24:04,360
and Chris went and busted
the windshield of their car.
390
00:24:04,520 --> 00:24:08,360
Did you ever witness any abuse
going on in that relationship?
391
00:24:08,520 --> 00:24:10,400
My sister called me to the house
392
00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:13,360
and she called Mike Durham,
known as Johnny Grunge,
393
00:24:13,520 --> 00:24:17,760
who was also a professional wrestler
that lived in the area.
394
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:22,320
Mike said, "I'll go wrangle Chris.
Don't do anything rash."
395
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:27,840
But it was already kind of done.
He hurt her.
396
00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:32,440
I don't know if it was intentional
or accidental, but he hurt her.
397
00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:34,880
Out of respect for the kids
he still has,
398
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:36,960
I won't go further into that.
399
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:40,600
She got a restraining order
against him,
400
00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:43,000
and I went down
and stayed at the house.
401
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:45,920
Mike had him at a hotel there,
in the area.
402
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:50,600
Chris contacted me directly,
because Nancy wasn't answering,
403
00:24:50,760 --> 00:24:54,800
and asked me
to talk to my sister on his behalf.
404
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:57,240
And please, please, please,
405
00:24:57,400 --> 00:24:59,760
let him come
talk to her personally.
406
00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:02,400
She called him,
and he came over the next day
407
00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:06,440
and they were back together
a couple of days later.
408
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:10,560
Do I look back on that and say,
you shouldn't have gotten involved
409
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:14,680
and why did I take his call,
'cause that could have ended it?
410
00:25:14,840 --> 00:25:17,480
Almost every day, I think about that.
411
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:21,360
When police found steroids
on the scene,
412
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:23,600
many assumed that explained it.
413
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:26,040
The killer flipped out
because of drugs.
414
00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:28,680
Or might there be
another explanation?
415
00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:32,960
The initial media coverage
all focused on steroid use.
416
00:25:33,120 --> 00:25:34,560
I said, there's no way.
417
00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:37,560
I'm Chris Nowinski,
former WWE superstar,
418
00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:39,760
and now I am a neuroscientist
419
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:42,440
and run
the Concussion Legacy Foundation.
420
00:25:42,600 --> 00:25:44,640
My wrestling career came to an end
421
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:47,080
because I had
a series of concussions
422
00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:50,360
that I didn't quite appreciate
were concussions.
423
00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:57,600
I never stopped performing
until the damage was too much.
424
00:25:57,760 --> 00:26:00,640
So I decided
I would start digging into
425
00:26:00,800 --> 00:26:03,800
what else was known,
and it became a book.
426
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:06,400
Chronic Traumatic Encephalopathy,
or CTE,
427
00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:09,280
is a progressive,
degenerative brain disease
428
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:12,520
that appears to be started
by hits to the head.
429
00:26:12,680 --> 00:26:14,480
Oh, my God!
430
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:19,440
Oh, man!
Anything goes. My God.
431
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:23,880
What I knew about CTE at that time
was there were four NFL cases.
432
00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:28,440
Two had died by suicide,
and one had started hearing voices
433
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:31,720
and led the police on a chase
through upstate New York
434
00:26:31,880 --> 00:26:35,600
and died in a fiery crash
on the wrong side of the highway.
435
00:26:35,760 --> 00:26:37,840
When I heard about what happened,
436
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:43,200
I remembered a conversation
with him, maybe six months prior.
437
00:26:43,360 --> 00:26:46,600
He had sat next to me
in the locker room.
438
00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:49,480
"I heard you're writing
a book about concussions."
439
00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:52,440
He goes, "I'm interested
in what you're learning.
440
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:56,200
How many concussions had you had
before you had to retire?"
441
00:26:56,360 --> 00:26:59,840
And I said, "Well, at least six,
but I probably had more.
442
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:01,520
How many have you had?"
443
00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:04,480
And he said,
"I've had more than I can count.
444
00:27:04,640 --> 00:27:08,680
I'll give you my number.
I want you to call me next week."
445
00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:12,280
Next week, I called him.
It sounded like he was mid-argument.
446
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:15,200
He was clearly agitated.
Someone else was there.
447
00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:19,080
"I can't talk. Can I call you back?"
And I said, "Sure."
448
00:27:19,240 --> 00:27:22,560
I wonder if the reason
he was asking me to call him
449
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:25,520
was that he knew
that something was going on,
450
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:27,640
but he didn't appreciate
what it was.
451
00:27:27,800 --> 00:27:32,600
And so I decided I needed to know
if Chris had CTE.
452
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:35,880
With the media storm,
I couldn't imagine
453
00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:40,000
his family answering the phone.
But I said, "I'll give it a try."
454
00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:42,520
Chris's father answered
on the second ring.
455
00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:45,400
He was in a state of mind,
you can imagine,
456
00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:49,000
when you've just lost your son
and learned what happened.
457
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:50,800
I told him my theory. And...
458
00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:54,400
he immediately said,
"I want to see this done."
459
00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:56,560
We have the brain in early July,
460
00:27:56,720 --> 00:28:01,040
and I think, within about a month,
we knew it was positive for CTE
461
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:04,040
and it was
a pretty severe case of CTE.
462
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:06,080
We held a press conference.
463
00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:09,480
When you look at his brain,
it is, in fact, shocking.
464
00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:12,160
Our findings showed extensive areas
465
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:15,840
of tau protein deposition
throughout his brain.
466
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:19,240
Tau protein
is a marker for brain damage.
467
00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:22,040
With Chris, he actually had a...
468
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:26,080
a severe case of CTE at 40 years old,
which is early to have it.
469
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:30,520
It wouldn't just be areas
of his cortex or his brain stem,
470
00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:33,360
but damage in areas
that you would think
471
00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:36,160
could influence emotional behaviors.
472
00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:38,800
I believe
the degeneration of his brain
473
00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:40,960
changed what he was capable of.
474
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:43,720
If you get hit in the head
thousands of times,
475
00:28:43,880 --> 00:28:46,000
your brain, essentially, can rot.
476
00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:47,760
You get this damage
477
00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:51,160
that continues to spread
even once you stop getting hit,
478
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:56,320
and changes who you are,
how you behave, what you become.
479
00:28:59,840 --> 00:29:02,880
I think about
when me and Chris would be talking,
480
00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:07,600
and he would just be crying so much,
I wondered why he couldn't stop.
481
00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:10,960
Does that go with the concussions?
With his brain?
482
00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:15,000
You know, Eddie and Chris
took a lot of chair shots.
483
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:19,400
These chair shots
from years ago
484
00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:21,680
were hard and they were mean.
485
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:27,400
In the '90s,
we took chair shots to the head.
486
00:29:27,560 --> 00:29:29,200
That was a badge of honor.
487
00:29:29,360 --> 00:29:32,680
Meaning, someone would swing
a steel chair at your head...
488
00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:36,520
Chris Jericho's helpless!
489
00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:39,640
And I literally remember,
you'd grit your teeth and...
490
00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:44,680
you'd tense yourself
and tense your neck...
491
00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:46,760
and just take it.
492
00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:50,960
They hit you on the head with it,
and you just take it, "Ah."
493
00:29:51,120 --> 00:29:54,560
That was what you did.
That was expected.
494
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:58,480
If you had a concussion in wrestling,
you just shake it off.
495
00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:02,960
Shake it off, go in there and do it.
All of us did it.
496
00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:06,080
I wrestled for 20-plus years.
497
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:11,160
It makes me wonder,
how much CTE do I have?
498
00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:15,920
How much do other wrestlers have?
'Cause we all got it, to some extent.
499
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:18,720
Is this gonna be my end?
500
00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:22,760
The incredible thing is, Harley Race
invents the Flying Headbutt
501
00:30:22,920 --> 00:30:27,000
and tells everyone, "Don't do this.
It fucks your spine up horribly.
502
00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:29,200
It ruins your old age."
503
00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:32,960
Dynamite Kid hears that, does it
anyway, ends up in a wheelchair.
504
00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:34,680
Dynamite Kid tells Chris.
505
00:30:34,840 --> 00:30:37,880
Chris does it his whole career
and then loses his mind.
506
00:30:38,040 --> 00:30:39,400
Oh, man.
507
00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:42,720
There is a clear history
of people repeating
508
00:30:42,880 --> 00:30:47,560
the most self-destructive story
imaginable, over and over again.
509
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:52,320
I think the Benoit tragedy
led to some institutional changes.
510
00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:54,600
The awareness of what CTE is
511
00:30:54,760 --> 00:30:58,560
was never even a conversation point.
Now it is.
512
00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:01,280
And finally, unprotected chair shots
513
00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:04,320
and subsequent concussions
are now being addressed.
514
00:31:04,480 --> 00:31:07,600
The one thing we've gotta do
is protect the athletes.
515
00:31:07,760 --> 00:31:10,320
When you look
at what Chris Benoit did
516
00:31:10,480 --> 00:31:12,880
as a symptom of a medical problem,
517
00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:17,200
whether drug use or brain damage,
I think that misses the point.
518
00:31:17,360 --> 00:31:21,000
Ultimately, the core reason
this happened is:
519
00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:23,680
Chris made a decision
when he was very young
520
00:31:23,840 --> 00:31:25,680
to do absolutely whatever it took
521
00:31:25,840 --> 00:31:30,120
to succeed at his childhood dream
of becoming a pro wrestling star.
522
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:34,320
Whatever happened that weekend,
his story would've had a tragic end.
523
00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:38,720
I think
his fate was sealed when Eddie died,
524
00:31:38,880 --> 00:31:40,400
whether he knew it or not.
525
00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:42,600
I doubt anyone could help
after that.
526
00:31:42,760 --> 00:31:45,920
Not his kids, not his family,
not his other friends.
527
00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:48,640
I just think that was the one guy
that he said,
528
00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:50,960
"I can't do it
if Eddie's not with me."
529
00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:55,200
Whatever it was
he was going through, you know,
530
00:31:55,360 --> 00:31:58,320
I think he just continued
to shrink his whole world
531
00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:02,120
until all that was left
was just whatever was in his head
532
00:32:02,280 --> 00:32:05,120
that caused him to snap,
and he fucking snapped.
533
00:32:05,280 --> 00:32:07,480
It's not one thing.
534
00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:11,240
I think that
it's a factor of alcohol and drugs
535
00:32:11,400 --> 00:32:15,480
and yes, possibly CTE
and stress and grief.
536
00:32:15,640 --> 00:32:18,000
And all of those things
rolled together
537
00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:21,200
put him on a path that weekend
that he couldn't get off.
538
00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:25,400
Chris was always gonna be my friend
and my brother.
539
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:29,000
I just know something was going on
with him that wasn't him.
540
00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:31,280
It's something
I'm still torn with,
541
00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:35,240
because you love Chris,
you just hate what he did.
542
00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:40,720
What he did is unthinkable.
Unforgivable.
543
00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:44,640
But it's still hard for me
to separate my friendship with him.
544
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:47,840
Matches that I had with him.
Moments, times, car rides.
545
00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:51,040
I can always look at Chris
as one of the best performers
546
00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:55,160
our business has ever seen,
and just kinda leave it at that.
547
00:32:57,800 --> 00:33:00,760
I get asked, "Should he be
in the Hall of Fame?"
548
00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:03,520
And I say, "Absolutely not. No."
549
00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:06,000
If Chris were here
and we could talk to him,
550
00:33:06,160 --> 00:33:08,000
he'd say, "Putting me in there
551
00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:10,640
will be a distraction
from the whole event.
552
00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:15,920
All it's gonna do is bring up Nancy,
the kids and their last 24 hours."
553
00:33:16,080 --> 00:33:21,680
So I say, he does not belong
in the Hall of Fame, now or ever.
554
00:33:21,840 --> 00:33:25,920
If two guys that were the same
basically their whole life,
555
00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:30,800
and had the same reputation of just
being immaculate professionals,
556
00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:34,440
the nicest guys,
and they both die very young
557
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:37,120
and one's legacy is acclaimed,
558
00:33:37,280 --> 00:33:40,960
and one's is buried so that
you almost can't say his name.
559
00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:45,400
If you would have told Chris,
"You know, when you die,
560
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:51,600
your name and your body of work
will be erased from existence,"
561
00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:55,240
it would have broke his heart.
He told me once,
562
00:33:55,400 --> 00:33:57,040
"The critics are the critics
563
00:33:57,200 --> 00:34:01,320
but if your peers respect you,
nothing else matters."
564
00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:04,320
So to find out
that he would have lost the respect,
565
00:34:04,480 --> 00:34:07,320
not only of his peers
but his friends, his family,
566
00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:09,760
I don't think he ever wanted that.
567
00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:11,600
It almost ended the business.
568
00:34:11,760 --> 00:34:18,240
What Chris did almost destroyed
the only thing that he ever loved,
569
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:20,160
from a professional standpoint.
570
00:34:20,320 --> 00:34:25,040
The only thing he ever loved,
Chris Benoit almost destroyed it.
571
00:34:25,200 --> 00:34:27,600
That would've torn him apart as well.
572
00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:31,320
So it leads us around to,
why did he do it?
573
00:34:31,480 --> 00:34:35,960
I don't think anyone will ever
be able to answer that question.
574
00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:42,080
People look at me different now,
because of what he did.
575
00:34:42,240 --> 00:34:47,000
People talking shit behind my back.
Getting bullied.
576
00:34:47,160 --> 00:34:49,080
Screw it.
577
00:34:49,240 --> 00:34:53,040
I'm defending my family
and what I believe in, you know.
578
00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:57,200
He loved them.
That definitely was not him.
579
00:34:58,600 --> 00:35:02,560
He's still my hero.
I think about him all the time.
580
00:35:03,920 --> 00:35:06,040
I want them to recognize Nancy,
though.
581
00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:12,160
She deserves the recognition
that she doesn't get.
582
00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:15,120
That's the unfortunate part.
583
00:35:15,280 --> 00:35:18,760
She needs to be remembered for...
a strong woman,
584
00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:22,120
pioneering in this business,
and her talent.
585
00:35:22,280 --> 00:35:26,920
And focus on that,
instead of what happened to her.
586
00:35:27,080 --> 00:35:29,520
She's a Hall of Fame'r
all across the board.
587
00:35:29,680 --> 00:35:31,320
She was a pioneer,
588
00:35:31,480 --> 00:35:34,560
and one of the best
at a role that no longer exists.
589
00:35:34,720 --> 00:35:39,320
As a pro wrestling manager,
she created and perfected the role.
590
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:42,520
And when she stopped doing it,
the role disappeared.
591
00:35:42,680 --> 00:35:47,400
I would like nothing better
than to see Nancy, Nancy Benoit.
592
00:35:47,560 --> 00:35:50,040
Once again,
you can't even say that name.
593
00:35:50,200 --> 00:35:53,520
Woman. I would like nothing better
than to see Woman
594
00:35:53,680 --> 00:35:56,880
be put into the WWE Hall of Fame.
595
00:35:57,040 --> 00:36:00,360
She was a great mom.
She was a beautiful friend.
596
00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:03,160
And Nancy will always...
597
00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:07,080
be the superstar
she was meant to be, in my mind.
598
00:36:07,240 --> 00:36:10,960
Can I blow a kiss? You bet.
599
00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:16,760
What do you remember the most
about Nancy?
600
00:36:16,920 --> 00:36:22,360
I remember everything about her.
I remember how her hair smells.
601
00:36:24,720 --> 00:36:29,680
She used to tuck me in
with both hands, real hard,
602
00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:33,240
like, on both sides of the blanket,
to tuck me in.
603
00:36:33,400 --> 00:36:36,760
Like she was putting a lock on me
to keep me safe.
604
00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:40,000
To this day, when I get sad or upset
or stressed out,
605
00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:45,480
I will tuck myself in on the sides
so that I feel more secure.
606
00:36:46,680 --> 00:36:50,960
-What do you remember of Daniel?
-Everything.
607
00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:53,920
I close my eyes
and I can see him doing everything.
608
00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:56,000
He was our whole lives, all of us.
609
00:36:56,160 --> 00:37:01,640
He was very, very, very, very loved
by our family, by his siblings.
610
00:37:01,800 --> 00:37:05,760
He and his brother
were just thick as thieves.
611
00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:09,840
Did you have any relationship
with the Benoit family afterward?
612
00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:14,880
I tried. Unsuccessfully.
613
00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:20,440
I was told,
I won't say by who,
614
00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:23,200
that the children
wanted nothing to do with us.
615
00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:27,440
Apparently, the children were told
we wanted nothing to do with them
616
00:37:27,600 --> 00:37:32,560
'cause of what their dad did,
which was absolutely not the truth.
617
00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:40,840
My last trip with my family was
for WrestleMania XXIII in Detroit.
618
00:37:41,000 --> 00:37:43,640
After the match,
we flew back to Atlanta.
619
00:37:43,800 --> 00:37:47,240
Me, Nancy and Daniel.
620
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:50,360
My dad went to Mexico for a tour.
621
00:37:50,520 --> 00:37:54,640
And then me, Nancy and Daniel
were just hanging around the house,
622
00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:59,000
taking pictures, y'know,
out by the trees with the dogs.
623
00:38:00,640 --> 00:38:03,360
And then, you know...
624
00:38:13,120 --> 00:38:16,520
You're doing good, brother.
It's all good. Just let it out.
625
00:38:16,680 --> 00:38:19,840
That's what this is all about,
brother. I'm sure.
626
00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:28,600
David is absolutely a victim.
A great kid, dealt a bad hand.
627
00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:31,240
It's not right.
He didn't do anything wrong.
628
00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:35,280
He's an innocent bystander
in all of this.
629
00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:37,880
You all right?
630
00:38:44,040 --> 00:38:45,720
Okay.
631
00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:53,880
-Too real. Too real.
-It's good for us. It's good for us.
632
00:38:58,720 --> 00:39:01,440
I felt that,
because Chris killed his family,
633
00:39:01,600 --> 00:39:03,280
that the family he left behind
634
00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:06,920
was automatically
blackballed from the world.
635
00:39:07,080 --> 00:39:10,080
Like, they're gonna be blamed
for what Chris did.
636
00:39:10,240 --> 00:39:12,440
To me,
those two needed to reconnect.
637
00:39:12,600 --> 00:39:14,960
Talking with David, meeting Sandra,
638
00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:19,600
knowing she had the same issues
and pain and hurt that David had,
639
00:39:19,760 --> 00:39:22,000
and nobody will ever understand...
640
00:39:22,160 --> 00:39:24,760
what they went through,
besides each other.
641
00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:28,280
I thought if I could connect them,
give them a chance to talk,
642
00:39:28,440 --> 00:39:33,880
they could move on and realize
they have family in each other.
643
00:39:34,040 --> 00:39:36,680
Chris Jericho,
wrestling angel come to life,
644
00:39:36,840 --> 00:39:40,320
he gave my number to my nephew
and my nephew's number to me.
645
00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:43,120
We hadn't talked
since before everything.
646
00:39:44,240 --> 00:39:47,760
So, 13 years ago,
the last time we saw each other.
647
00:39:47,920 --> 00:39:53,160
It's been a very long time.
She finally called me. I answered.
648
00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:56,640
We talked on the phone
for probably a good two hours.
649
00:39:56,800 --> 00:40:03,320
And now, going to watch wrestling.
I still love it. It's in my blood.
650
00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:07,960
Feels like we never were apart.
Felt like we just reconnected.
651
00:40:08,120 --> 00:40:12,320
Nothing has changed.
She's still my Auntie Sza-Sza.
652
00:40:13,440 --> 00:40:17,400
Chris lives on in David every day.
Nancy lives on in Sandra every day.
653
00:40:17,560 --> 00:40:21,360
And I think they were both lost
when Chris and Nancy died.
654
00:40:21,520 --> 00:40:25,160
So hopefully,
this will help them get found.
655
00:40:25,320 --> 00:40:26,960
-You feel better.
-Light.
656
00:40:27,120 --> 00:40:30,920
-You have the same perspective.
-I think more than anyone else.
657
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:33,320
It's important for you
to stick together.
658
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:37,880
We can be friends and supportive,
but it's not the same as for you.
659
00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:40,800
-No, it's not the same. It's family.
-Exactly.
660
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:42,760
I've never been...
661
00:40:45,120 --> 00:40:48,480
I've never been more grateful
to see someone that I love
662
00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:50,920
as I was when I saw my nephew.
663
00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:53,480
Do you think
you will ever be able to,
664
00:40:53,640 --> 00:40:56,480
or want to,
give forgiveness towards Chris?
665
00:40:56,640 --> 00:41:01,640
Yes, I think I do, some day,
want to be able to forgive him. I do.
666
00:41:01,800 --> 00:41:07,760
Because carrying around
the burden of hate...
667
00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:10,520
gets exhausting.
668
00:41:10,680 --> 00:41:12,680
Everyone deserves forgiveness.
669
00:41:15,480 --> 00:41:17,960
And everyone deserves mercy.
670
00:41:18,120 --> 00:41:19,920
So I think that, within time,
671
00:41:20,080 --> 00:41:24,640
there will be a day
when I get on my knees
672
00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:28,520
and I finally say it,
that I forgive him.
673
00:41:31,360 --> 00:41:34,280
You never know,
it might be tomorrow.
674
00:41:34,440 --> 00:41:36,680
But I do know it's not today.
675
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:42,160
Subtitles translated by:
Somishan Ragui
676
00:41:43,305 --> 00:42:43,188
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