Original subtitles

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider.

She didn't care if the whole world looked.

Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her. She was a sister who really could.

Isadora was the first bra burner.

Angel Platt, she showed up.

Oh, yeah.

The country was falling apart.

Betsy Ross got it all sewed up.

And the best part, night on out.

Maude goes to Washington, part three.

Walter, look.

Oh, my God, look.

Look.

Maude Findlay.

My name.

Maude Findlay, New York.

Oh, Walter.

Walter, I'm a member of Congress.

Oh, Walter, my name fools.

Maud Findlay, New York.

Walter, I can't believe it. I am actually a Congresswoman.

I, Maud Findlay, New York, am going to walk these hallowed halls

that heard the footsteps of Sam Rayburn, Wayne Morse, Daniel

Webster. I gotta go to the men's room.

Thank you. Thank you, Walter. That was a valuable lesson you just taught me.

Never share great moments in history with a man who has a weak bladder.

It's locked.

I guess my staff hasn't arrived yet. I told you we should have taken a later

flight like we were supposed to. Look, Walter, you go ahead and do what you

to do. I just want to enjoy this magic moment in the life of Maude Findlay, New

York.

Oh, sorry.

Excuse me. Could you give me a hand?

No, Walter, don't just stand there. Help the lady.

Sure. Would you mind pulling off my slip? Stand there, Walter. I'll give her

hand.

Thank you. I think it's the elastic. I've been trying to wiggle out of it,

it doesn't seem to work.

It works for me.

Close your mouth, Walter.

You do that very well.

Thanks to my early burlesque training.

Let me get that.

It is the elastic.

Darn that. Ronnie?

Ronnie? Oh, that's my cat. He likes to claw at my underwear.

Don't fool with that one, Walter.

Thanks,

Tiger. You've been a lifesaver.

You too, Tiger.

Close your mouth, Morgan.

Sorry, Maude, but how many times in my life have I ever seen such a tall,

beautiful woman?

Once before.

Huh?

Maude Findlay, New York.

Oh, yeah, that's what I meant.

Miss Findlay, where in the Sam Hill have you been? Well, Mr. Dickey, it is about

time. Just Sam, ma 'am. Sam, look.

I know you are my chief of staff. I hate to get tough on the first day, but I

think you owe me an explanation as to why I've been standing out here in the

hall.

Ma 'am, I've been over to the airport, you know, with a few of your staff,

members of the press, you know, just to kind of greet you.

But you took an earlier flight.

You didn't tell anybody.

So you embarrass us in front of important newspaper people.

Now, you can't do that kind of stuff now that you're in Congress. You've got to

learn to be more orderly.

I accept your apology.

Fine, I'll show you folks in.

Hey, look at this.

Yeah, this here is my desk. And Maggie Gallagher sits here. She's your

legislative assistant, you know. Makes out your schedules.

She can see your career right down the old honeypot.

Got to watch you like a hawk.

Is she dishonest? A schemer?

Or much worse than that, an idealist.

I'm an idealist. I know.

I'm going to watch you like a hawk, too.

Would you like some breakfast, ma 'am?

Maybe a little bologna on Armenian bread?

Sam, what is all this food?

Bribes?

Bribes? Come now. These are gifts to the congressperson.

Hey, we got strict ethical rules in this office.

See, I, for instance, I never accept any gift that I can't eat or drink in one

sitting.

Sam, there is an entire smoked turkey in there.

I could do it.

Look, Sam, I'd like to see my office.

Oh, yeah, sure. The rest of your staff sits in there.

And this here, this is a member's private office.

The member.

Walter, I'm the member.

Oh.

Oh, Walter.

Look, the members' couch.

Oh, the members' flags.

The members' desk.

What's this?

Oh, Walter, is this sweet. The members' bathroom.

Thank heaven.

Oh, no,

Miss Penny, I'm sorry. See, there's kind of a sacred custom here in Washington.

Nobody uses a members' bathroom except a member.

What?

Walter, it's a tradition.

There's men's room right down the hall.

Uh -oh.

Congresswoman Finley.

Hello, Tiger.

Maggie, I'm in conference with the member here. Just hang in there and I'll

introduce you.

Sam, I already met the member out in the hall, but the member didn't know then

that I am her legislative assistant.

Walter, close your mouth.

Here I am telling the new congresswoman how my cat chews on my underwear.

I'd like to meet your cat sometime.

Speaking of cats, Walter, weren't you on your way to the sandbox?

He's cute.

He burps in his sleep.

Maggie, I'd like to continue my conference with the member in private.

just want to tell the member that I handled the reporters at the airport.

Were they very upset?

Well, not anymore. I bought them all a drink and then I gave them a personal

statement from you.

You gave them a personal statement from me?

Personally.

Listen, Maggie, I absolutely forbid you to make any more statements for me.

Look, I only do it to protect you. Protect me? From whom?

From you.

One dumb statement and they will tear you apart in this town. Look, I assure

you, as long as I am in Congress, I will never make a dumb statement.

You just did.

I was just thinking, you weren't really in burlesque.

Are you kidding? You know the famous hospital sketch?

I played the nurse.

If you want anything during the night, you just call for me.

Walter, close your mouth.

The nerve of that woman, thinking she can tell me what to do, tell me what to

think, tell me what to say. I will not put up with it.

Yeah, she's got some nerve. I mean, it's my job to tell you what to do.

Walter,

what am I going to do? I've been here 15 minutes and already I've lost control.

Miss Finley, we ought to take care of some business right now.

Aretha?

About time.

This here is your press secretary.

How exciting.

I have a black press secretary.

Only half black, honey. My father was Italian.

And she's Catholic and a woman.

I mean, we practically fill our entire quota for minorities in this one little

gown.

So, how's that? She's good?

Half black and half Italian. What's your name, dear?

Aretha Balducci.

If you want to come by for dinner tonight, I'm fixing ham hocks, Alfredo.

Uh, Miss Finley, I guess I ought to fill you in on what's coming up.

Uh, we got a bill coming out of committee on Wednesday.

It's, uh, one of the bills that Congresswoman McElhaney supported.

It provides government money for women's shelters.

If you could push this bill through, it'd be a real feather in your cap.

Yes, I know about that bill, and I do feel it's very important.

Yeah, I think I got the last two votes we needed yesterday.

And we'd like to get a press release out on it today. Oh, great.

Great! Now I'm finally beginning to feel like a congresswoman.

Come on.

Let's roll up our sleeves. What do I do first?

Uh, yeah, well, those two votes belong to a couple of good old boys, you know,

from down south.

Right. Now, what do I have to do?

Well, for the next three days, don't say anything nice about black people.

You agree with him?

What do I know? I'm Italian.

Listen, you might as well get this straight. I will not be pushed around.

Well, I'll take the rest of the afternoon off to get settled. Now,

morning at 8 o 'clock, I've got you appearing before the black caucus.

Don't wear any furs or jewelry because they're into poverty.

Listen, you are not going to tell me what I can and cannot wear.

Don't you say that. If I want... Now,

you listen here, slick. I'm running things here. You didn't come with me, HR

493.

Quiet, quiet, quiet.

My first telephone call.

Congresswoman Maude Findlay, New York.

Mrs. Findlay?

This is Jimmy Carter.

Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States.

Yes.

How does that appeal to you?

What are you kids doing tonight?

No, tonight's bad.

You see, Bert's in town.

I'll tell you, we'll do it real soon, yeah?

President? Yeah, he'll bug you from time to time.

Miss Finley, I'm going to go out there and get the rest of your staff together,

you know, so that you can welcome him in your own words, you know?

These are the words.

Let me see that.

Oh, you can't say that.

Put that back to me. I don't need advice from an ex -stripper.

I've never been a stripper.

I learned that routine that I did at a musical in college. I got my law degree

at Georgetown University.

All right, so you have a degree in law. That doesn't mean that you can tell me

what to do. I'm a congresswoman. I was just on the telephone with the president

of the United States. When were you last on the telephone with the president of

the United States?

Five minutes ago.

Lawyers, you lie about everything.

I don't lie. I am not an elected official.

Oh, come off it, Gallagher. What would you be doing on the telephone with the

President of the United States?

I called him to remind him that you arrived today and that it might be nice

he called you. I thought it might make you feel important.

Well, you succeeded.

I do feel important. I feel important enough to pick my own legislative

assistant. I'm sorry. I told the president I would be staying on. It made

feel better.

You told the president that you would be staying on my staff?

Yes. You're fired!

Now, is everybody from staff here? Good.

All right, I think y 'all are going to like the new member. She's a little wet

behind the ears, but nothing's really changed. She'll take the orders from me.

Oh, Congresswoman Fenton, is there anything you'd like to say?

You're fat!

For

God's

sake, Walter.

Hey, look at this.

What? We're home.

Our first home in Washington.

Imagine.

We're going to be living in Irene McElhenney's apartment.

The same place where she dreamed her dreams of making this a better America.

This is the place where she fought for the same ideals you'll be fighting for,

Maud. Oh, wow, what a view.

Maud, come look out the window.

Oh, you can see the Capitol?

The White House?

monument. Oh, what?

What? It's the first time I'm feeling the same thrill that you feel about

Washington. Washington sucks nickels.

Well, I know that this day has been a little disappointing. A little

disappointing? Everybody on my staff has told me what to do, when to do it, how

to do it. They push me around. They treat me like I'm a yokel from some hick

town. Walter, I am the congresswoman from Tuckahoe.

I know that this has been a very tough day. Forget it.

We're home now.

They can't get to you here.

You're right, Walter. You're right. This is my haven.

I can relax here. Now I feel like a congresswoman. Nobody can tell me what

in my own home.

Oh, are you Congresswoman Finley?

Why, yes, I am.

Do you do that at home? Get your feet off the table.

Would I appear rude if I were to ask who you are?

Pinky Nolan, the housekeeper. Here.

What's this?

That's the menu for your dinner party tomorrow night.

Oh, I didn't invite anyone for dinner tomorrow night. I did. Here's your guest

list.

Listen, I have had it with people telling me what to do.

This happens to be my house.

When I want to give a dinner party, I will give a dinner party. I will invite

the guests to my dinner party.

And I will give you a menu to be prepared for my guests at my dinner

that clear?

You're out of line, Finley.

Tired of people who work for me telling me what to do. That's why I absolutely

will not have Maggie Gallagher on my staff.

You fired Maggie Gallagher? That's right.

Dumb, Finley.

Maggie Gallagher is the best assistant in this town.

Now get on the phone, call O 'Brien's bar, ask for Dugan the bartender, and

he'll call Gallagher. I am not going to call O 'Brien's to get Dugan to call

Gallagher, Nolan.

Why do I have the feeling I'm in a John Wayne movie?

Look, I am a congresswoman of the United States of America representing 800 ,000

people from the great state of New York.

Big deal.

I don't believe the people in this town.

Treating you like you're a hick.

Walter, I don't know anything about being a congresswoman. I'm a babe in the

woods.

Everybody on my staff knows more than I do. I'm scared, Walter. I'm alone and

scared.

Honey, you're forgetting you got me.

Alone and scared.

Hey there, Maud, Walter.

You know, Sam, it is just simple courtesy to ring a doorbell.

You don't ring a doorbell this time of day because Pinky's usually taking her

nap.

What is that woman of Irish descent doing in my house?

Ma 'am, I do the hiring and the firing in your office, and I hired her back

because she's good. Yes, and I know what she's good at.

If you want anything during the night, you just call for me.

Walter, open your mouth.

Ma 'am, I mean it.

Now, this little girl is the best in the business. Believe me, that comes from

my heart, because I don't even like her.

Thank you, Sam, and I don't like you either. I can't possibly rehire you. I

mean, what to do about Walter? I have a 55 -year -old husband with runaway

hormones.

Walter, close your mouth.

Lord, you don't have to fire her because of me. You know you're the only woman

in my life.

Sort of.

Walter, give me a break. Go in the kitchen.

Pinky will let me in.

Pinky, let the man in.

Thanks, Sam.

Mrs. Finley, I'm not going to beg for my job back.

But I think you ought to know what it is that I do for you.

I brief you before every meeting.

I write bills for you to introduce on the floor.

I can tell you anything you have to know about any other bill coming out of that

Congress. I am good. I'm damn good.

And I can protect you from the ruthless political animals in this town, the

worst of whom, Sam.

Oh, now, Maggie, don't you go buttering me up.

I mean, if Sam is just a political animal, then why do I need him?

Because he's good. He's damn good.

That's my job, Finley.

Then what the hell is my job?

We're working on it, ma 'am.

Good afternoon. This is the residence of Congresswoman Maude Finley.

Ah, Congressman Banks.

Hi, Larry, you old carpetbagger.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, she's here.

It's the Honorable Lawrence J. Banks, chairman of the Congressional Black

Caucus. He'd like to know the topic of your address Wednesday morning.

Mrs. Finley, no.

Congressman Banks, I just want you to know how very honored I am to be

addressing your caucus tomorrow morning.

Congresswoman. Just a moment, please.

Remember, if you say anything nice about blacks, you'll kill that bill.

Do you honestly think that I would sell out my principles just to get the votes

of a couple of bigots?

If that's the only way to get money for those poor battered women's shelters,

yes. That's the way things work in Washington.

Congressman, I'm not going to be speaking on the...

Obvious aspects of the black dilemma. I thought I'd like to, you know, go for

something more hard -hitting.

My topic is going to be, should we protect American manufacturers by

heavier tariff on Japanese skateboards?

All right.

Why, thank you.

He says I learn quick.

You do.

I'll drink to that, Slick.

Don't you start trying to butter me up, Sam.

Listen, why don't the three of us give it a try, huh?

All I ask is that you include me in the process.

You got yourself a deal.

When you're ready.

You know something, Slick?

She picks up politics quicker than a pig picks up a turnip.

This little sucker's gonna make it.

Do you know, I think I'm going to like him. You, I'm not so sure of.

You don't have to like me.

I was here to do a job for Congresswoman McElhaney because I believed in what

she stood for.

And I believe that you can be the same kind of Congresswoman.

I'll work as hard for you as I did for Irene McElhaney.

Even if it kills you.

I'm really not sure about you.

Why? Because I'm a little intimidating?

Because I speak my mind?

Because I'm tall?

Oh, my God.

Oh.

Oh, my God.

You're me.

Ah.

I am you 25 years ago.

I think it might be closer to 23 years ago.

I'll buy that.

And you're smart, like me. Yeah.

I guess I'm just bothered by the thought of coming to the office every day and

seeing a young Maude Findlay.

You think it's a celebration for me to come in every day and see an old Maggie

Gallagher?

Could we make a mature Maggie Gallagher?

Maude, you should see what Pinky's cooking for dinner.

Roast chicken with stuffing, homemade biscuits, candy jams, and apple pie.

That's really something when you consider she has to stand on a chair to

the oven.

Well, Finley, did you get the smarts and hire Maggie back?

Yes. Good.

You're staying for dinner, Maggie. Thanks, Pinky.

Like standing in a redwood forest.

You know, Walter, not only do I have a wonderful new assistant, I think I have

wonderful new friend.

It's like looking at myself 23 years. Oh, what the hell? 25 years.

Isn't that wonderful, Walter?

Close your mouth.

I'll tell you what, I think tomorrow.

recorded on videotape before a studio audience.