Original subtitles

Last week on Maud. Don't you know your own wife?

Maud Finley is one of the bravest, strongest women I've ever had the good

fortune to be acquainted with.

She's a tiger. A giant.

You think just because she hears that her daughter and her grandson are moving

to Denver?

Or that her best friend Vivian is going to Idaho to live?

She'll collapse?

Not that tiger. That's steel.

You'll have a job as long as I live.

Oh, Irene, what a wonderful thing to say. I'll have a job as long as you

Oh, happy days are here again. And the skies above are clear again. So let's

sing a song of...

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider. She didn't care if the whole world looked.

Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her. She was a sister who really could.

Isadora was the first bra burner. Ain't you glad she showed up?

The country was falling apart.

Betsy Ross got it all sewed up.

And then there's Maude. And then there's Maude. And then there's Maude. And then

there's Maude. And then there's Maude. And then there's Maude. That'll

compromise and enterprise and anything but tranquilize and ride or not.

In life, Congresswoman McElhaney was a source of inspiration to us.

So join me now in bidding a final farewell to a dear friend.

and a great congresswoman, Irene McElhaney.

Good night, Irene.

Gee, thanks so much for typing up this eulogy, Viv. It's going to make it so

much easier for me to read at the funeral tonight.

You're welcome.

Oh, I don't know, Maude, maybe it's me, but funerals always seem so sad.

Funerals always seem so sad.

Oh, Viv, I'm going to miss you so much when you move to Idaho. Where am I going

to find another Vivian?

What?

Pam Dickey was just on the phone. Oh, not again.

Yes. He wants you to get to the wake early.

He wants to look over your eulogy before you read it out loud. Who's Sam Dickey?

He's Irene McElhaney's chief of staff from Washington.

What kind of man is he? I've no idea. I've never met him, but he is really

driving me up a wall. Now, why does he want to read my eulogy?

Irene was my dear friend.

What, is he afraid that I'll be insulting, tactless, rude?

I thought you said he'd never met you.

Where, where am I going to find another Vivian?

Sorry I'm late.

We had a tragic situation down at the hospital.

Boy, do I need a drink.

What happened, Jonathan? A power failure.

Right in the middle of surgery.

Oh, no.

Well, he would have died anyway.

Too bad you couldn't have completed the operation.

You need the practice.

You seem a little edgy, Maude.

Are you nervous about that eulogy you're going to deliver for Congresswoman

McElhinney? No, it's not that.

But I'll tell you what it is.

You know, the night of the Chinese dinner, Congresswoman McElhaney offered

job as her congressional assistant right here in the Tuckahoe office. I know. We

were all so excited.

Yeah. It would have made it so much easier for me to handle Carol and Philip

leaving and you and Arthur moving away, Walter retiring.

Now Congresswoman McElhaney's dead and there's no job for me.

Nothing to look forward to.

I sort of have the feeling that when I deliver the eulogy tonight, I won't be

saying goodbye to Irene. I'll be saying goodbye to everything in my life that

ever made me happy.

Oh, now, hey, wait a minute. Come on, we just have two more nights with our

dearest friends. Let's make the most of it. Come on, let's all go to that

funeral and have a good time.

Maude, this isn't a funeral parlor. This is somebody's house. That's right. This

is an Irish wake. It's usually held right in the home.

Listen, I've never been to an Irish wake.

What's the first thing you do?

Decide what you want to drink.

Maude.

What would you ladies like to drink?

Maude. Vivian, this is Ned McElhaney, the Congresswoman's brother.

Oh, Ned.

I'd like a scotch old -fashioned on the road.

an extra slice of orange.

This is Vivian. How do you do? I'm so sorry.

Have you ladies signed the guest book right in here?

No.

Hey, Ned, we need a sponge in here.

Somebody spilled beer on a deceased.

I think you'll find a sponge right there at the end of the bar, Sam.

There's a sponge right there on the bar, yeah.

Hey, don't be embarrassed, Father.

Sam, is that Sam Dickey, Irene's chief of staff?

Yes, it is. And he's trying to run this whole show.

Hey, Ned.

Oh, good evening, ma 'am. It's real nice to have you here.

Ned, you be sure and let me know as soon as old lady Fender gets here.

Good morning, Ned.

Hi, Ned. Sorry it took so long to park the car, but there was a traffic

right out front. The drunk driver leaving the funeral.

Well, that's the trouble with these Irish wakes. If you're going to mourn,

drive.

Well, I guess we should go in there and pay our respects. Oh, Maude, before you

do, the governor's inside.

He wants to say hello to you.

Maude, why don't you say hello to the governor while we go inside and say

goodbye to the congresswoman? All right. Vivian, you go on in there, dear. I'll

see you there.

I think the wake's going pretty well so far, don't you?

Now, Maude, you sit down, and I'll tell the governor you're here.

Ned? Ned.

Where in Sam Hill is that Finley lady? It's almost time for the eulogy, and who

knows what slop she wrote.

Hey.

I'll bet you're Mrs. Maude Finley.

Got to be.

I mean, yours is the only face pretty enough to match the lovely voice I talk

on the phone.

Mr. Dickey, this is so interesting.

You not only have a double chin, you also have two faces.

Boy. Ned, Ned, we ran into a little emergency in there. We're running out of

pizza.

Right away, Sam.

Now, Miss Finley, if you'd be kind enough to let me have a look, see if

eulogy you wrote for tonight... Why, Mr. Dickey?

Why, I'll tell you why, ma 'am.

See, I was very close to Congresswoman McElhenney.

And now somebody's going to have to succeed her.

And I want to be sure and give her successor all the help I can in

precious political ideas.

In other words, you're afraid of losing your job. You ain't just a whistling

Dixie.

You must also be suffering a deep sense of personal loss.

I mean, Irene's concepts of politics...

were a source of inspiration to all of us. Oh, no, no, wait a minute now. I

loved Irene, but her political ideas were a little wacko.

Mr. Dickey, you're a hypocrite.

Oh, boy, does that sound familiar.

That's what she used to call me, you know, the congresswoman.

She used to call me the hefty hypocrite.

God, I love her.

Boy, that little sucker was something else, wasn't she?

It just seems so strange to be having cocktails at a funeral. This is the

time I've ever had a pink lady in front of a dead lady.

That's the hoot, ma 'am. Boy, old Billy Carter's gonna bust a gut when I tell

him that one.

You know Billy Carter?

Well, I sure do, ma 'am. He and I are just as close as two fleas on a frozen

dog.

Miss Fanny, now, if you'd just be a sport, let me have a look at that

Absolutely not. I mean, you didn't even share Irene's political dreams or goals.

No, no, you got me there. But see, I'm more interested in the wheeling and the

dealing. That's where the fun's at.

I'm not even real particular who I do it for.

Or who I do it to. That's where the real fun's at.

I don't believe you.

Maude, now would be the perfect time for the eulogy.

We just ran out of liquor.

Come on, Mr. Mavisport, let me have a little look at that eulogy. No.

But I'll tell you, someday, I hope to deliver a eulogy for you.

And believe me, that little sucker will be something else.

All right, listen, miss, miss, miss Finley. Now, come on, just let me, one

little peek at the door. I cannot stand the thought of a man like you

influencing Irene's successor.

You see, Maude knew Irene McElhaney better than you did. She knew her better

than anybody. They fought for the same causes. They shared the same ideals.

thought exactly the same. It was almost as if Maude and Irene McElhaney were one

and the same person.

Right, Maude?

That's right, Viv.

In a strange way, I was...

Irene McElhaney.

Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please?

Ladies and gentlemen, attention, please.

Attention.

Honorable Governor, Your Grace, Bishop Kellum, Your Honor,

Judge DeForest, friends, I have prepared a few words in

tribute to our dear friend, Irene McElhin.

But I'm going to set that aside and speak from the heart.

I'm very troubled tonight.

I'm troubled by something that should concern all of us.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is important that we all work hard to see to it that

Irene McElhaney's seat in Congress is taken by someone who shared her ideas,

shared her beliefs, who shared her dreams.

I knew and loved Irene McElhaney, and she knew and loved me. She often would

to me, Maude...

You are the only one who really understands what my work means to me.

We're so much alike, Maude. We're like two fleas on a frozen dog.

When I looked into those eyes for the last time, I could not help but see a

message there. Maude.

Please see that someone worthy takes over my work for me. Please see that

someone worthy continues to further my dreams.

Now, who could do this?

Irene would have wanted a woman of conviction.

She would have wanted a woman of principle. She would have wanted a woman

integrity. She would have wanted a woman who was tall.

I am tall.

And I say to all of you here tonight, a vote for more...

Yes, of course you have the right to disagree with what I did at the funeral

last night. But I still feel that Irene McElhaney would have wanted me to run

for her office.

Wait, wait, wait.

If you're going to use language like that on the phone, we might as well end

conversation right now.

Goodbye, Mother.

Maude, it's the fifth phone call tonight about running for office. Come on, take

the phone off the hook.

You're right, Walter.

Mud, are you really going to run in that special election?

Why not?

I think I'd make a wonderful congresswoman, just like Irene.

Come on, you two. That's enough about running for Congress.

Let's enjoy our last evening together.

I just don't believe it. I mean, tomorrow you two are going to be driving

your new home in Red River, Idaho.

I think I'm really going to enjoy practicing medicine out there.

I hear that sometimes in those small rural towns, people don't even use money

pay the doctor.

They just bring in something from the farm.

In that case, I suggest you keep a shovel in your office.

I'm going to miss you so much.

Oh, I'm going to miss you.

Come on now, cut that out. None of that. Now remember what we all agreed on.

We're just going to have fun tonight.

None of that sloppy, sentimental stuff from you two women.

No crying and carrying on, you two.

Oh, Walter, it is very sad. Not tense.

Now, we're just going to remember the good times.

And, hey, speaking of good times, Walter... Listen, I

brought you a little gift in memory of the good old days. For me, Arthur?

Yeah. Oh, you old slugger.

Your bad guy, you.

Your old iron butt.

Oh, look.

Arthur gave me a gift. Yes, I can see that, honey. It's so sweet.

Your old clod hopper. Your old fender bender. Your old bong.

makes you stop and think.

How did we ever win the war?

Look at me there.

Look at that wiry build.

That impressive shock of blonde hair.

Walter, of course, was the chubby one.

I had a little weight problem in the army, but I was still pretty good

wasn't I, Maude? Honey, you were adorable.

What do you think of me there, Vivian?

I think you look kind of goofy.

Well, come on. I look the same then as I do now.

She knows that, Arthur.

You two are just jealous because Walter and I have been closer than you.

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

Vivian and I have always been very close.

Yeah, Maud, you two have a nice relationship, but we're two guys.

And when two guys are close... Come on, Arthur.

Let's hang this in the den, you old dog, you.

You old Jasper, you. You crazy.

You old...

is that two women can be just as close as two men, right? Well, certainly they

can. It's just that we're not as silly about it.

You old softy.

You old buffalo.

You really know how to wreck a friendship.

We've been just as close as friends can be, haven't we? We certainly have.

Oh, Viv.

Viv, honey, do you remember when we were in college and Jimmy Dudley left you

stranded at that roadhouse on the Lincoln Highway, remember?

Yeah. And you called the dorm. You were panicked. You thought you would, you

know, be late for curfew. And who drove out there at breakneck speed?

Got you back in time?

Ethel Braverman.

Ethel, I thought it was me.

No, no, no. When Jimmy left me there, I called you on the phone, but you sent

Ethel Braverman because just as you were going out to your car, you ran into

Jimmy Dudley, who was just coming back on campus, and you went up to Eagle Rock

with him.

Vivian, if I did, I'm sure it was just to give him a piece of my mind.

That's not the story that was going around.

Viv, why have you put up with me all these years?

Oh, because you're fun and lively and you get me to do all those things I

wouldn't normally do.

And you're gentle and appreciative and sometimes you just make me stop and

realize how beautiful life is.

Oh, Maud, I am going to miss you so much.

I'm going to miss you too, Viv.

None of that sloppy stuff.

We agreed.

What is it with women anyway?

I don't know.

Why can't they be happy like us? Yeah, a couple of happy guys. Old buddies.

Two lugs that go back to 1942 together.

Remember that song about Chicago we used to sing?

Do I?

I used to work in Chicago in a department store.

I used to work in Chicago.

I did, but don't anymore.

A woman came in for a girdle one day. What kind would you adore?

Rubber, she said. So rubber I did. I did, but I don't anymore.

How can you

move all the way across the country on me, Arthur?

Walter, I don't want to go. I just...

old footlocker over in the living room waiting for the moving van tomorrow.

You want to come and look in it?

All our old army stuff is in there.

The canteens, the victory medals. Hey, that old bathing suit poster of Betty

Gravel. Oh, my God. Yeah, all swell stuff like that.

Arthur, do you still have your old cornet in there?

Oh, sure I do.

Come on, I'll play Stardust for you.

Oh, Walter, not Stardust.

It's hard to believe those two were once trained to kill.

It is silly to cry like that.

Well, it certainly is.

Well, Arthur and I have to be up at five in the morning, so I guess we really

ought to call it a night. Yeah, you're going to need your rest for that long

drive up to Idaho.

Right. And we'll be back in Tuckahoe at least every summer.

Of course you will, and we'll get out to Idaho every once in a while. Yeah, and

there's always the telephone.

And letters?

Yes. Nice, long letters.

Goodbye,

Viv.

Goodbye, Ma.

Have a nice trip. We will, we will.

I'll get in touch with you real soon.

You bet. Oh, and send Walter home. I will, and maybe we'll come to Washington

and see you.

Oh, Vivian, honey, that was just a pipe dream.

I'm not going to run for office.

I was just clutching at straws because all of a sudden my whole life was turned

upside down.

No, I think I'll just find myself a nice rocking chair and learn how to be old.

I can't see you ever doing that.

I love you, Vivian.

I love you, Mom.

Bye. Bye.

Leave the door open to Walden.

Did you forget something, Viv?

I forgot to cry.

So did I.

It's better.

Oh, where am I going to find another Vivian?

Hey, yo, Miss Finney.

Sam, what are you doing here?

I've been trying to get in touch with you for a long time, but your line's

busy. Well, I took the phone off the hook. To be perfectly frank, I'm in no

for visitors. I'm very sad, Sam, and I'd really like to be alone with my

thoughts. Well, I just want to have some news here to cheer you up a bit.

Cheer me up?

Sam, I have a daughter I am closer to than any human being. I have a grandson

adore, the thought of whom just brings joy to my heart.

I have a friend, Sam, a true friend, whom I have shared my entire life with

since high school.

They're all moving away, Sam, and you're going to cheer me up?

Oh, well, what the hell, let's give it a shot anyway.

See, the governor decided not to call a special election to replace

Congresswoman McElhaney.

He decided to appoint somebody instead.

Mr. Finley, he decided to appoint you.

Happy days are here.

Next, Maude goes to Washington.

I, Maude Findlay, New York, am going to walk the hallowed halls.

If you want anything during the night, you just call for me.

Washington sucks nickels, Walter.

Mod was recorded on videotape before a studio audience.