All language subtitles for maude_s06e21_phillip_s_mature_romance

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider.

She didn't care if the whole world
looked.

Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her.
She was a sister who really could.

Isadora was the first brawler.

Ain't you glad she showed up?

The country was falling apart.

Betsy Ross got it all sewed up.

And then there's Maud.

And then there's Maud. And then there's
Maud. And then there's Maud. And then

there's Maud. And then there's... That
uncompromising, enterprising, anything

but tranquilizing... Yes,

Carol, everything's wonderful.

Fine. Yes, Philip is home. Oh, and
Carol, he really misses you terribly.

Grandma! Yeah, just...

I just made my shoe list. Do we have any
extra ones? Yeah, in your top drawer.

Honey, your mother's calling from
Cleveland. She wants to talk to you.

talk now. My date's going to be here any
minute. Philip, it's been two weeks

since she's seen you. She wants to talk
to you.

Hi, Mom. I'll leave you. Goodbye.

Carol?

No, no, he isn't on anything.

Carol. Philip, your little boy.

is in L -O -V -E.

Yes, yes, he's in love for the first
time.

No, no, no, no, it's not Samantha.

I don't know, it's some new girl. I
haven't met her yet. Her name is Diane

Harding. Yeah, aw, Carol is so sweet.

You know, it reminds me of the first
time I fell in love. I don't know

ever told you about him. His name was
Dwayne Parrish.

Yes, and he...

Yes, I know this is long distance and
you're paying for the call.

He was on our high school gym team.

Beautiful butt.

What do you mean you couldn't care less?

I'll tell you, Dwayne was a hell of a
lot more exciting than that little

that you first brought home.

Carol?

Hello?

Would you believe it, Walter?

My own daughter hung up on me.

Maybe I should have breastfed her.

Is Philip really that nuts about this
new girl? Oh, crazy about her. And

apparently she feels the same way about
him because Philip told me that she

agreed to go study with him.

Oh, Walter, 15 years old.

What a beautiful time in his life.

You can say that again.

I know what it's like to be in love in
15. I went through it myself.

Oh, darling, I'm so glad you understand.

Philip, he's $20 for a date.

$20 for a date? Tony, you just said you
went through the same thing yourself.

Yeah, but it only cost me a quarter for
crazy Shirley on the roof.

Walter, you romantic devil, you.

Now I know why you took me to the
starlight roof on our first date.

Thought you'd get lucky with Crazy
Maude.

Only I wasn't crazy and you weren't
lucky.

Still fork over the money.

Grandma, does this tie look okay with
this jacket?

Oh, no, honey, that's much too dressy.

Here, this one will be perfect.

Oh, that's my new tie.

Honey, this is an important night for
Philip.

Okay, but be careful with that tie,
Philip. Don't leave it anywhere.

He's not going to be taking off the tie.
His date isn't with Crazy Shirley.

sweetheart, what time is it? Aren't you
late?

Oh, I still have about five minutes
left.

Philip.

What's the matter, girl? Philip, you are
wearing a Mickey Mouse watch.

Well, it's the only one I have.

Philip, you can't go out on an important
date with a Mickey Mouse watch.

Only little boys wear Mickey Mouse
watches.

What?

This one's a Donald Duck.

Wilder, what are you doing with the
Donald Duck one?

For one thing, it's not Donald Duck.

It's Dickie Duck.

Ah.

A salesman gave it to me as a gag.

Well, it keeps darn good time.

And it has an alarm.

You set it for a certain time and it
quacks.

I am married to a man who wears a watch
that quacks.

Let us pray.

Dear Lord, in our moment of strife...
Okay, Lord, okay.

Grandma, do we have any brown shoe
polish?

Oh, Philip, you're not wearing brown
shoes.

Well, they're the only decent shoes I've
got. Philip, young men wear black shoes

in the evening.

Oh, would you leave him alone? If he
doesn't have any black shoes, he doesn't

have any black shoes.

Philip can't wear my shoes. They're too
big for him. Not anymore.

First my tie, then my shoes.

Anything else you need?

Walter, you don't have a runny nose, do
you?

No. Good.

Philip, this should add a nice touch to
your outfit.

It's an outfit. It's my outfit. Maybe I
should go out on the date.

Walter, don't be ridiculous. You can't
go out looking like that.

Oh, that must be Diana.

car. The car?

Oh, uh, someone's driving us.

Oh, no, it's Sam.

Samantha? Well, honey, let her in.

No, I told her this afternoon on the
phone that I had the 24 -hour flu.

Grandma, get rid of her.

Philip, I don't understand.

I don't want Sam to know that I'm going
out with another girl.

Grandpa, you know about women. You're a
man of the world.

I guess you could call me a man of the
world.

did you lie to Sam?

I mean, don't you like her anymore?

Well, sure.

I mean, I like her a lot.

Not the way I like Diane.

Sam's just a kid.

Look, Philip, we have to answer the
door.

Grandma, don't fail me. Tell her I'm
sick and I can't see her.

Can you believe that kid?

He actually wants you to lie for him.
Well, he's still young.

Hello, Sam. How nice.

Come on in, dear. Thanks, Mr. Finley.

Hi, Mr. Finley.

I thought I'd come over because Philip
sounded so awful on the phone.

Do you really think it's the 24 -hour
flu?

Sam, we're not going to lie.

It's not the flu.

It's not?

Well, what is it?

Telemord.

It's double pneumonia.

Double pneumonia?

Walter, I didn't want to tell you. I
thought it would upset you too much.

Didn't Philip be in the hospital or
something?

Oh, no, no, no. He'll be on his feet in
no time. It's just a 24 -hour double

pneumonia.

But no visitors tonight.

I'll tell Philip that you came by, Sam.
Thanks so much. Good night.

Good night.

You know, Mr. Finley, things like this
are very easy to catch.

You shouldn't be walking around without
shoes.

Maud, why did you lie to that girl?

Well, for one thing, Walter.

I like to lie.

I'm very good at it.

What?

Maybe I shouldn't have lied to Sam, but
I didn't want her to be hurt.

I want everything to go smoothly
tonight.

Honey, Philip, my grandson is in love
for the first time. This is a very

important night for him.

It's probably Diane.

Boy, in my time, no 15 -year -old girl
would be allowed to go over to a boy's

house and pick him up.

Except for Crazy Shirley. She'd pick you
up anyway.

Mrs. Finley?

Yes? I'm Diane Harding.

You're Diane Harding?

Yes, I'm sorry I'm late, but my roommate
and I were moving into our new

apartment.

You're Diane Harding?

Diane, I thought you were going to honk.
Hi, Philip.

You're Diane Harding?

Oh, yeah.

So you're Diane Harding.

I'm Mr. Finley, although you'd probably
be more comfortable calling me Walter.

He's my grandfather, and this is my
grandmother.

Very happy to meet you both.

You're...

The Diane Harding who is going steady
with Philip? Uh -huh.

For some reason, you do not look 15.

Well, that's probably because I'm 19.

But she won't be 19 till next month.

You're 19 and you're in Philip's class
at school?

Oh, no, no, no. I'm a freshman at Hunter
College. I'm majoring in law.

Oh. Are you familiar with the Mann Act?

Oh, yes, yes, Walter. I was wondering
when you were going to say something.

Uh, Diane, Mr. Pindley has something to
say to you, Walter.

Well,

Diane, we better get going.

I made the dinner reservation for seven.
Yes, nice meeting you both.

Run after them! Save Philip from that
woman!

I can't... He's wearing my shoes.

Yes, Carol, everything's just fine.

Philip's date last night? Oh, Diane's a
lovely woman.

Did I say woman, Carol?

I meant girl.

I told you, I went through exactly the
same thing in high school with Dwayne

Parrish.

Yes, I thought I was madly in love with
him until the night of the junior prom

when I suddenly became interested in
Billy Burton.

You see, he cut in on Dwayne and the
band was playing Dancing in the Dark.

Hello.

Rotten kid.

Hi, Maude.

Is Philip home yet? No, darling, it's
after six.

I'm afraid that Diane may have picked
him up after school. Oh, Walter, why

didn't you talk to him this morning the
way I asked you to?

I did talk to him.

Oh, good. Did you straighten everything
out?

I think I did.

What did you say to him?

Well, we talked about the age
difference.

Then I told him that no matter how
blonde Diane is or...

How cute she is, you know, with that
little turned -up nose and those full

And no matter how terrific her figure
is, forget the sensational legs.

I said he shouldn't see her anymore.

No, you shouldn't see her anymore.

Hi. Hi, folks.

Marty, we heard the news.

Too bad.

Oh, Maude, we're just so sorry for you.

Sorry for what?

Well, the minute Carol goes out of town
and you're left in charge of your

grandson, he starts running around with
an older woman.

You must feel just awful.

I'd like to tell you not to blame
yourself, but what good would that do?

got to blame yourself when you can't
even control your own grandson.

Poor old granny.

Uh,

Vivian.

Your grandmother died at a very early
age, didn't she?

Yes.

Walter, Vivian's grandmother took her
own life shortly after Vivian learned to

talk.

Wait a minute. Now, wait a minute.
Things are getting out of hand. Vivian,

one thing, this girl isn't even 19 years
old.

You make her sound like a middle -aged
hussy.

She's just a young, cute, blonde,
gorgeous little...

Oh, maybe it's just puppy love.

Now, I remember when I was about 19,
there was this young boy who lived next

door, and he was always coming over to
my house, you know, and hanging around.

And Mother said, Now, Vivian, don't
worry. It's just puppy love.

And you know what?

She was right.

He loved my puppy.

Please, Viv, I am in no mood for jokes.
Marty, let me talk as a doctor. Arthur,

I just said I'm in no mood for jokes.

Look, I don't think any of you really
understands. I mean, I can see where a

young boy might become interested in an
older woman. That's normal. But what

does she see in Philip? I mean, what is
she getting out of this?

I think I can answer that one, Marty.

Actually, although it's not always
socially acceptable, it's not unusual

women to be attracted to younger men.

I remember when I was a young intern at
Community General. There was this nurse,

Colette Bordeaux.

She was French.

Well, here I come, fresh out of medical
school.

Colette takes one look at me.

Male, Caucasian, blonde hair, blue eyes,
well -built, loaded with personality.

Any birthmarks or tattoos?

No.

Although, I had the cutest dimple right
here on my chin.

It's the same one I've got now.

Well, needless to say, I was a good
-looking stud.

And Colette being French took a shine to
me.

She was always trying to get me along.

Once, we were both on the night shift.
She actually tried to get me to have a

glass of champagne with her in the linen
closet.

Well, as I said, it's not unusual for an
older woman to be attracted to a

younger man.

How old was Colette?

63.

But I must say, she certainly didn't
look it.

At least not in the linen closet.

I'm starving.

Hi. Oh, hi, Philip.

Philip. Where have you been? Why didn't
you call?

Oh, well, Dinah and I were just
downtown. They didn't have a payphone at

jewelry store.

You were in a jewelry store?

Philip, forgive me, but every time I
think of a jewelry store, I think of

commitments. Please relieve my mind,
Philip. Tell me that you and Diane just

went into that store to hold it up.

We were just looking around until I
found out what she liked. Then I snuck

and bought it for her.

Do you like it? It's a gold anklet. Gold
anklet.

Philip, that looks awfully expensive.

Oh, it was only $32.

$32 out of your savings on a gold anklet
for a 19 -year -old girl?

I don't get it. Why is age so important?

Philip, you can be hurt.

Look, don't listen to me, Philip. What
am I? I'm just a loving grandmother

trying to do her best. Listen to Dr.

Harmon. He just told us a heartbreaking
story.

Aren't they that tragic story about you
and the older woman?

Older woman?

Colette. Oh, yeah, Frenchie.

It's a situation something like you have
with Diane, Philip.

She was only interested in one thing
from me.

See, I arouse certain desires in her.

Well, you know what that means.

Wow. Maybe I should have bought her a
more expensive gift.

Come on, Vivian. I can't do any good
here. Philip is not interested in

benefiting from my experience.

Philip, stay out of linen closet.

Well, I better get dressed. Diane's
picking me up in ten minutes.

Philip, how can I get through to you?

Look, I suppose that you're probably the
only boy in the 11th grade who was

going around with a college girl, and I
suppose that that makes you look like a

big man to the other boys.

Well, it makes me look pretty good to
the girls, too.

Go to hell.

Philip, do you remember this morning
when I had this man -to -man talk with

about Diane? Do you remember what I said
about her?

I sure do.

Well, forget that.

Please tell me what's so wrong about
going out with Diane.

Look, Philip, Philip, I don't want to
interfere in your life. I really don't,

Philip. But your going around with Diane
is wrong. Now, it is very difficult for

me to explain why.

Philip, I just wish you'd trust me and
break off with her.

Grandma, if that's what you want, I'm
glad you told me.

Because any advice you give me is always
good advice.

You know...

I think I'm pretty lucky to have you as
a grandmother.

And if you weren't my grandmother, I'd
want you for my friend.

Well, I better go get ready for my date
with Diane.

Philip.

You punk!

Don't feel bad, Maude. You know, I once
saw John Boy pull that same thing on

Grandma Walter.

It's that woman.

I'll get it.

Good evening, Mr. Finley.

Walter.

Walter.

Hello, Mrs. Finley. Oh, hello, dear.

Philip should be down in a moment. He's
running a little late. His Mickey Mouse

watch stopped.

I've got a Dickie Duck watch.

Oh, that's darling.

Walter, I'd like to speak with Diane for
a few minutes. Do you mind? No, I'll

just set my watch. When you hear Dickie
quacking, you'll know your time is up.

It's easy to see where Philip gets his
sense of humor. No, it isn't.

Look, Diane, I'll be blunt.

I do not like your going out with
Philip. I'm afraid you're exploiting

Exploiting?

Finley, that's not true.

Well, what else would you call it when a
19 -year -old woman goes out with a

little boy?

Well, he's not going to be a little boy
for long.

He's growing up pretty fast.

Look how big his feet are. He was
wearing his grandfather's shoes.

Well, he may be young, but he's a lot
more fun on a date than most of the

college men I've been out with.

Philip is more fun than college men?

How?

Well, I don't know.

We just have a lot in common, that's
all.

A lot?

You and Philip?

Name one thing. What, do you both read
the same books?

Well, no.

Do you have the same friends?

Well, no, but... Well, tell me then.
Name one thing that you and Philip have

common. We both love Star Wars.

Star Wars.

That's hardly anything to base a
relationship on. My husband adores, so

that.

Look, admit it, Diane. You should be
spending your time with men your own

Oh, sure.

That's what my parents always say. Date
college men.

Well, college men only have one thing on
their mind.

I'm tired of fighting my way out of
parked cars.

You mean you don't like the pressure?

I hate it.

But you don't feel that with Philip
you're in control?

Yeah.

Diane, do you hear yourself?

You go out with Philip because he's
safe.

Well, all right.

if that's true.

What's so terrible about going out with
someone because he's safe and sweet and

adorable?

Safe? You call me just because I'm safe,
sweet, and adorable?

What a rotten thing to say about a guy.

Phillip, I'm sorry.

Look, Diane, if you feel that I'm safe,
we're just going to have to stop dating.

I've got my reputation to think about.

Diane.

You will find a wonderful boy your own
age who won't put this pressure on you.

But you have to keep looking.

You know, I fought my way out of
hundreds of parked cars.

And then I found a sensitive, feeling,
mature...

But

he died.

That's how I got together with Dickie
Duck here.

Time's up, Mort. Yes, Walter, we know.

Philip.

Goodbye, Philip.

Good night, Mrs. Finley.

Mr. Finley.

Walter.

Wow.

What a kick in the pants to find out
you're safe.

Come on, honey.

Soon you'll grow into your grandfather's
shoes and then you can be dangerous,

too.

and I spent 32 bucks on this gold
anklet.

Hey, you know what, Philip? Why don't
you give it to Samantha?

Yeah, I should.

She doesn't think I'm too safe.

Why don't you call her and tell her
we'll pick her up?

Your grandfather's taking us all out for
chili burgers tonight.

Right, Walter?

VOD was recorded on videotape before a
studio audience.