Original subtitles

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider.

She didn't care if the whole world looked.

Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her. She was a sister who really could.

Isadora was the first bra burner. Ain't you glad she showed up?

Oh, yeah.

When the country was falling apart, Betsy Ross got it all sewed up.

And the dance floor, no, no, no.

Yeah, come over as soon as you can, Viv.

I want to hear all about the trip, and of course we're dying to meet Arthur's

grandson. Oh, Philip, honey, stop eating those cookies.

I'm making a hot cocoa, and I just made a fresh batch of cookies, so we can have

a little party when you get over here.

Oh, yeah, and tell Arthur not to worry.

I will give his grandson the same love I give my own grandson.

Philip, reach for one more cookie. I'll break your arm.

It's a big deal.

Well, if you're not careful, you will get cookie breath, and no one will ever

want to kiss you.

Do you think it's a good idea to lie to a young person about something as

psychologically sensitive as expressing affection during the sexually formative

years?

What are you reading?

Psychology Tomorrow for Kids Today.

Oh, Psychology Tomorrow for Kids Today. We can burn the book later.

For right now, we must not have any more cookies, because Arthur is going to

bring his little grandson over in a few minutes, and he will no doubt want lots

and lots of cookies.

I just can't imagine Dr.

Harmon with a son, much less a grandson.

Why not?

Oh, I don't know. Dr.

Harmon's so, you know... He is, isn't he?

It's no wonder his son ran away from home.

No, Arthur Jr. didn't run away from home.

He did?

No, he did not. No, he went up to Canada as a matter of conscience.

You see, he was 19 years old, and they wanted him to be drafted into the army

and go to Vietnam, which Arthur wanted him to do.

You're right, he ran away from home.

Reach for one more cookie, and I'll hide you clear as silk.

What ever happened to nice grandmas?

Well, they get vicious in their sexually declining years.

Oh, I just heard it's the coldest day of the...

Oh, boy.

Hot cocoa and cookies.

Be careful. You'll get cookie breath and then nobody will want to kiss you.

I just saw Arthur's car.

Did they get back from Canada okay? Yeah, they got back about an hour ago

Arthur's grandson is with him. They're going to come over just as soon as

sets up the electric freedom train and the bionic flags and the life -size

statues of all the American presidents.

Come on, Morgan, you give Arthur a break?

I mean, it's the first time he's ever seen his grandson.

I guess he wants to impress the little kid.

I wonder if he looks like Arthur.

God would not do that to a child.

Oh, by the way, Arthur wants us to put out some American flags when he brings

his grandson over.

Flags? Yeah, you know, American flag, old glory, stars and stripes, field of

blue. You know, pride of our nation, they make them in Japan.

Maud, I mean, really give Arthur a break. He just wants the boy to see a

American home.

Hello in there, friendly American neighbors.

Walter, this is for you.

Oh, hi, hi, hi.

Here's Ian, getting his first look at the land of opportunity.

Right, champ?

Right, Grandpa.

Ian, say hello to your Auntie Maud and your Uncle Walter.

Hello. Very nice to meet you, Ian. We call him Champ here in America.

Ian, how was your trip from Canada?

Well, it was nice and warm in the car, but very cold when Grandpa made us stop

at those historical monuments.

I thought you loved those monuments.

I hated them.

Oh, that's just because it was cold.

This isn't regular American weather.

Usually the weather is just dandy at this time of year. Just dandy.

Well, it's cold in Canada, too.

Oh, you don't want to talk about Canada.

You want to talk about America.

The Finleys are Americans.

See how nice they are?

Yes, sir.

In America, my boy, everybody's nice.

That's because here we're all equal.

You see the way they treat me?

No bowing and scraping just because I'm a doctor.

Here I'm treated just like I'm a normal person.

That is the true test of democracy.

Aren't they cute together?

Oh, it brought such a tear to my eye the first time he called Arthur Grandpa.

And it really made me laugh the first time he called me Grandma.

Because, you know, I'm not his real grandma.

Arthur's first wife, Agnes, was his real grandma.

Dead now.

So I guess I am his live grandma.

She's just his dead grandma.

But you know, even if I die, I still won't be his real grandma.

I'll just be his...

dead...

step -grandma.

Your hinky?

Well, a cup of hot cocoa ought to take care of a cold hinky. Whatever that is.

Come on, Ian. We'll get some cocoa.

He's quite a kid, isn't he?

Arthur, aren't you overdoing this rah -rah America stuff?

What rah -rah America stuff?

You may not be impressed with the land of the free and the home of the brave,

but he is. Oh, come on, Arthur. He's just a little kid. I mean, you're

too hard. Get off his hinky.

He's been like this all week, buying him toys and flags and T -shirts that say

Fonzie is a registered Republican.

Get off his hinky.

That's easy for you to say, Marty. You don't have a grandson.

Oh, what's Philip? A tinker toy?

Oh, no, no. Well, I mean a new grandson.

See, if Ian goes back to Canada and says he would like to live in America, well,

you know how parents are.

Maybe Arthur Jr. will reconsider.

and come down here to live.

I sure hope so, because I just can't get enough of that young tyke in there.

Oh! Oh, no!

Help! Don't move him. Somebody call a doctor.

He's all right. He just fell down.

I'm all right. I just fell down.

Are you all right? Did you just fall down?

Is he all right?

Yeah, he just fell down. It wasn't my fault. I didn't do it.

Grandma did it.

I mean his dead grandma.

Oh, hi, Dr. Harmon.

Ah, here's Philip.

Philip, this is Ian.

Philip is the Findley's grandson.

The Findleys are his grandparents.

He lives here, too.

Uh, hi.

Hi. Do you want to watch TV with me?

I'm not allowed to watch TV in the daytime.

And neither am I. Come on.

He's quite a kid, isn't he?

Arthur, tell us about your son.

Well, there's not really much to tell.

There's... Oh, come on, come on. Now tell us about him. What's he doing and

did he have to say?

Well, there's nothing to say, really. Is he coming back?

What do we really think about President Carter's amnesty for draft resistors?

Well, we didn't hit on that subject.

Oh? What did you talk about?

Oh, mostly man -to -man talk.

You know.

Uh, the weather, ice hockey, Canadian bacon.

Arthur, you mean you saw your son for the first time in ten years and you

about bacon?

I mean, didn't you, didn't you talk about his being away and, and how you

about, I mean, what did, what did you, what did you say to each other?

Well, I said, uh, hello, Arthur.

He took that pretty well.

Uh -huh.

What else?

Then I said, how have you been?

Good.

That's all?

Didn't he say anything?

Oh, sure he did.

He said, Dad, we better have a talk sometime.

How about that?

Arthur, what does that mean?

Well, he meant either I want to apologize, but I don't know how to

meant we'll talk about it later.

Arthur, why didn't you tell him you love him and you want him to come back home?

I didn't want to be talking in case he wanted to make an apology.

I always forget.

Why should he have to apologize?

Vivian, you remember what I told you happened ten years ago when I called him

coward and a traitor and I denounced him forever.

Oh, that's why he has to apologize.

He never did in his letters.

Arthur, when you wrote him, maybe you should have explained why you thought he

should. I never wrote to him. That would have been giving aid and comfort to the

enemy.

How could you do this to your own son?

It's for his own good, Marty.

If I hadn't been tough, he wouldn't be so glad to come home.

But you said he's not coming home.

Well, yes, there's that to consider.

But I think he's weakening.

he'll see the thing differently when he hears what young Ian has to say.

Here's my boy.

Grandpa, I want my hinky.

Your hinky?

What's a hinky?

What's a hinky?

What's a hinky?

It's a... Vivian, go over and get his hinky out of the suitcase.

Oh, sure. No, no, no. It's not in the suitcase. It's in the car, in the trunk.

Well, champ, everything's been taken out of the car.

Oh, no.

Oh, boy.

Hinky. That's the name for his pet hamster. I left it in the trunk of the

I want my hanky. I'll go and get it.

Arthur, put your coat on. It's freezing. I'll just be a second.

Well, Ian, how do you like America so far? Oh, he loves it. On the way down,

stopped at every historical monument we could.

And tell me, Ian, which was your favorite?

McDonald's.

Uh,

Ian, uh...

Why don't you go back upstairs and watch television now, okay?

Arthur, he's not... Vivian, stop it. He's dead.

He's dead. You can't put him in here. No, champ.

Champ, he's not dead.

I'm a doctor. I know. He's just got a little touch of frostbite. He's dead.

kill him. You kill him. No, champ. I didn't kill him. He'll be all right.

Grandpa can cure him. I promise you.

Grandpa will cure him.

Don't just stand there.

Somebody call the hinky doctor!

Well, Arthur, his heart's faint, but he is alive.

Uh, what we need here, what we need first is to keep him warm. Here, Walter,

him warm.

How?

Blow on him.

Blow on him?

I called two animal hospitals and there's no answer.

That's veterinarians for you. It's Saturday. They're probably all up

miniature golf.

Arthur,

it isn't doing anything.

You're not getting it warm enough.

Vivian, go out in the kitchen and get some warm water. Bring a washcloth.

Walter, keep blowing.

Why couldn't a hamster have appendicitis? I'm good at appendicitis.

Finally got through to an animal hospital and all I got was a recorded

The only emergency animal hospital that's open today is in New York City.

He died before we got him there.

Where is that water? We're not getting him warm enough.

Maybe a hair dryer would work.

Ian, champ, I can't administer medical service with a member of my family

looking over my shoulder.

Philip, why don't you take Ian upstairs and look for the hair dryer?

Look at my handshake.

You'd think I was operating on a patient.

Arthur, what about young Carl Messerschmidt? You know, he's studying

vet. A student?

I should say not.

My grandson's hamster is not going to be a guinea pig for anyone.

Arthur, it's only a hamster.

We could always go to a pet store and buy another one. No!

He's going to live!

Didn't you see that look on the boy's face?

He thinks I'm a murderer.

I am not a murderer.

I'm a healer.

And I am going to cure this animal.

Arthur, are you all right, more or less?

Do you know?

He's right.

He's right.

You know why this animal's lying here right now, don't you?

Because he can't get up and run around while he's frozen solid.

No.

He is lying here because I wouldn't let the boy play with the damn thing in the

car.

Well, there was no place to wash his hands. See?

There it is again.

So what if he didn't wash his hands?

Arthur Jr. wouldn't be hiding out in Canada right now if I hadn't made him

his hands.

Vivian, is he making any sense?

Um, I don't think so, Arthur. Are you making any sense?

It's all the same thing.

Wash your hands.

Go in the army.

You're a traitor.

Don't play with a hamster.

Don't you see? It's all the same.

Ian wants to know the area code for Canada.

There. You see?

He's going to tell Arthur Jr.

He's going to squeal on his own grandfather.

Why don't you talk to him? Don't let him make the call.

Tell him the hamster seems a little better.

Doesn't it seem a little better?

Its breathing is shallow.

Its breathing is very shallow.

Is it breathing at all?

Yes, it's breathing. See, that's a good sign. That's one of the things we

doctors look for.

Uncle, will you slow down? It's not your fault.

It is my fault.

I made Ian put that hamster in the trunk.

I was wrong about everything. I was wrong about the hamster. I was wrong to

my son a coward and a traitor.

Even the president was going to pardon them. The president did pardon them.

Not this president, the real president.

He called me a killer, too, just like Ian did. The president called you a

killer? My son.

He said I wanted to murder those people over there.

He said I wanted him to murder them.

Arthur, is this what's bothering you? The word murderer?

I mean, are you going to let a little word like murderer ruin your... I see

you mean.

Right.

That's why this hamster must live.

Brandy. We need some brandy. Oh, I think it's a little early to celebrate.

This is medicinal.

Here.

Here.

How do I get him to drink?

How about a little song?

Arthur, how?

Pour it on a cocktail napkin and squeeze it down his throat.

Don't you know anything about medicine?

Arthur, what if the hamster dies? What if he dies? Stop it.

She's right, Arthur. He can't die.

Don't die, Inky.

I'll get you anything. I'll buy you a pony.

This is ridiculous. Now, a hamster is not that important.

Don't you see it's not just the hamster?

It's the fact that I was wrong. Arthur! Twice in ten years.

Will you talk to him, Walter? A son doesn't want a father who's wrong.

It's not important whether you're right or wrong.

Oh, yes, it is.

That's one thing I learned at home.

Don't ever be wrong.

I remember I was sitting at the kitchen table.

Mother was fixing dinner.

Father had just come home from dinner.

Father had just come home for dinner from work.

I remember his very words.

He said, son, you never could remember my name.

Son, if we hung everybody that made the same mistake twice, they wouldn't do

that again.

Arthur, come on now.

It's not the hamster you're upset about.

Don't you think it's time for you and your son to forgive and forget?

I can't forgive him. Oh, why not?

He wasn't wrong.

I was.

Arthur?

Arthur, is this a good sign?

Oh, my God.

He's not moving very much. Shake the box a little.

Wiggle his legs.

Maybe we could tie tiny wires to his paws.

Will you stop that, Arthur?

You act as though your son will never speak to you again if a hamster dies.

You are not a murderer, Arthur, or anything like that. You are a good, kind

person. I made Ian put that hamster in the trunk.

Because you thought that was the right thing to do.

Just like you wanted Arthur Jr. to go into the army because you thought that

the right thing.

In those days, a lot of people thought that was the best thing to do. So what?

People are wrong all the time. Smart people, dumb people.

Wrong is part of being alive.

You don't have to be right to tell Arthur Jr.

that you miss him.

Won't you think I'm stupid?

You don't love your father because he's smart.

I did.

What was so smart about your father? He couldn't even remember your name.

Walter.

Arthur, what Walter means is you don't love someone because he's smart or right

or perfect.

You love your son because he's your son. Oh, sure, there was a time when you

disagreed with him, when you just couldn't see things his way. Every

that, but now that's over and you love him and you miss him.

You know, it's almost ten years ago and he hasn't changed a bit.

He's still tall.

I'll bet he's a fine young man.

He is.

He's a carpenter. Did you know that? Always was good with his hands. He could

fix anything.

At the high school, they used to say, if Arthur Harmon Jr. can't fix it, it's

not broken.

Arthur, why don't you call him?

I wouldn't know what to say.

Tell him you miss him.

I don't know. It seems so weak.

Arthur, he is 29 years old. He doesn't need you to be strong. He just needs

And you need him. Can't you admit that?

Sometimes he gets up in the middle of the night just to look at Arthur Jr.'s

picture.

That's just remembering the good times we used to have.

He'd hop up and down in his crib when I read him from my medical journals.

He'd hold his hands out to me like this.

He'd call me Sasa.

He couldn't say Sir yet.

We used to go fishing when he got older. He loved to fish.

We used to go ice fishing at this time of the year. We'd probably be out there

now cutting holes in the ice out there where the big ones are hiding.

Why don't you call him?

Come on, pick up the phone and call him.

I'll bet they have good fishing up in Canada.

Walter,

you are the greatest salesman since Jimmy Cranshaw.

Who's that?

My first date in senior high.

How's our patient doing?

Oh, he seems to be doing... Ooh.

Is he ready for another brandy? I think you can cut him off.

Oh.

No.

It can't be.

It's not fair.

I was feeling so good. I did everything right.

He was breathing.

He looked better. Didn't he look better?

Poor hamster.

Oh, no.

What did I say?

Hide the box.

Tell him.

I think he went out for a walk.

Tell him. Tell him.

Arthur.

You have to talk to him.

Ian, the hamster is dead.

I'm sorry, son.

I shouldn't have made you put him in the trunk.

I'd give anything to make Hinky come back to life again.

Anything. Don't cry anymore, Grandpa.

Please.

I was wrong, Ian.

And now Hinky's dead.

It's all right. We can get another hamster, can't we?

Just don't cry anymore.

You mean you don't hate me because I was wrong?

Huh?

He doesn't hate me because I was wrong.

All right, there.

Don't you have a call to make?

Hey, Ian, I got an idea.

Listen, why don't we call up Canada?

And talk to your dad. What do you say?

We can break the news about Hinky, but we can tell him that everybody's fine,

had a good trip down, and we love him very much.

You're not going to cry, are you? Because that'll just make Daddy cry.

Yeah.

We'll try not to cry.

Look, why don't we all go out to the kitchen and have some cocoa and cookies?

Oh, and we can read Philip's psychology book. I hear it's really dirty.

Hello, Arthur?

It's your dad.

How's everything, son?

VOD was recorded on videotape before a studio audience.