Original subtitles

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider.

She didn't care if the whole world looked.

Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her. She was a sister who really could.

Isadora was the first bra burner. Ain't you glad she showed up?

Oh, yeah.

The country was falling apart.

Betsy Ross got it all sewed up.

And then there's Maude. And then there's Maude. And then there's Maude. And then

there's Maude. And then there's Maude. And then there's Maude. That

uncompromising, enterprising, anything but tranquilizing. Right on, Maude.

Victoria.

Yes, Maude?

Why are you dressed like that? This is a very special day.

You know, I bought you that lovely Ethiopian outfit for the occasion. I

certainly you'd have it on by now.

I'm not going to wear it. I'm not an Ethiopian.

What difference does that make? I'm not a football player, but I still wear

pantyhose.

Well, you're closer to a football player than I am to an Ethiopian.

Yes, but you are closer to unemployment than I am to a football player.

Oh, Victoria, come on. I know how proud you are of your West Indian heritage.

I'm not asking you to pretend you're Ethiopian. The outfit is just symbolic.

Honey, you know, I've been supporting my Ethiopian foster child for over 20

years, and today I'm finally going to see him for the very first time. And I

want to be sure that he feels completely at home.

Should I put a bone through my nose, too?

Victoria, would you?

Hello. Darkest Continent Cafe.

Yes, I understand that you serve authentic African cuisine. I was

you could tell me what they eat in Ethiopia.

Ethiopia.

Do you remember Mussolini?

Ah, yeah. Well, remember Mussolini sent the Italian army over there thinking it

would be a breeze to conquer.

But little plucky Haile Selassie rallied his small armies of warriors and...

Well, he pretty darn near threw out those arrogant, inept Italians.

Yeah, isn't that an inspiring story?

Your name is Gino Balducci, and you are not... Yes, well, uh, how... Hello?

Hello? Hello?

Fascist.

Victoria, do you know what they eat in Ethiopia?

White missionaries.

White missionaries.

A wisp of humor from the kitchen.

You know, there are other places to stick a bone besides a nose.

Maud, Maud, I'm leaving for the airport to pick up Ito. Ito.

Ito, Ito, skungaree. Oh, skunga, skunga.

Oh, my foster child has such an exotic name. Skunga. Skunga. It just sounds so

African. Skunga.

Skunga.

Bungawa.

Simba. You called, Ma? Oh, shut up, Victoria.

Maud, how am I going to recognize Ido at the airport?

Walter, it's simple. Take the snapshot with you.

Well, this picture of Ido was taken when he was seven years old.

Walter, how much can he have changed in 23 years?

A lot!

Unless he turns out to be a pygmy.

God will get you for that one.

And if ours doesn't, the pygmy god will.

And they have a lot of those.

There's Kim. Go with him.

Oh, Walter.

Walter, do you think he'll like it here?

You think he'll like me?

Oh, Maud, of course he'll like you.

You've been sending the orphanage money for him since he was a little kid.

I know, but a lot of people support foster children.

Yeah? How many people find a black minister who gets his congregation to

plane fare to bring that kid to the United States?

That's true. Because of you, Maud.

The Reverend is even going to find Ido a home and a job. I mean, look at all

you've done for that kid. I did all that, didn't I?

You sure did.

You know, in some ways, I'm a hell of a woman.

Oh, God, you're lucky to have me.

You're right.

He'll love it.

Skunga!

Skunga, skunga.

Say, Marty, that's a very good likeness of you.

Just gray up the hair a little, you got it.

No, Arthur, if there really is a pygmy god, he's going to bite you on the

Arthur, stop it. It hardly looks at all like Maude.

Thank you, Vivian.

Oh, gosh, aren't you excited?

It must be so wonderful to have a foster child.

Oh, it is, Vivian, it is. You know, there's something so gratifying about...

knowing that somewhere a child has hope because of your contribution.

You know, you and Arthur should really help support a foster child from one of

those poor countries.

Oh, sure. You woolly -headed liberals are always sending your money to foreign

countries, never thinking of America.

Well, I believe in America.

Well, great. If you feel that way, then why haven't you helped support a poor

family right here in America?

What, those welfare chislers?

Arthur, not all poor people are on welfare.

You're a doctor. Why don't you help some pauper who just paid his medical bill?

Arthur, that's an idea. We could adopt one of your patients.

Reverend Buick, come right in. You remember my neighbors, Doctor and Mrs.

Harmon? Hello, Reverend.

I wanted to stop by, Mrs. Finley, before the banks closed.

I have a check here for $214.

That's the last of the money my congregation owes you for Ito's plane

Ethiopia.

How can I thank you, Reverend?

When I first approached you about helping me bring my foster child over

from Ethiopia, I never dreamed you'd end up answering him and paying the whole

$1 ,800 plane fare.

$1 ,800.

Reverend, that's a lot of money for a small church.

Yes, it is a lot of money.

That's why we talked the bank into giving us a loan on our church bus.

Reverend, you put up your church bus as collateral?

Yes. And now, of course, we have one little problem.

What's that?

We have to go out and get a bus.

But, of course, we have an excellent gospel choir in our church, and it

big crowds on Sundays, and everybody chips in a little bit.

Eventually, we should make the money back.

Mrs. Finley, I'll come back and see Ito just as we planned.

Splendid. Well, it's nice to see you again, Robert. I'm going to call the

airport to see if the plane's on time.

Oh, uh, Doctor.

Yeah? I've been having some difficulty in getting a job for Ito.

I was wondering if you could help.

Oh, no trouble at all.

I'll speak to four of my colleagues at the hospital.

Oh, you can get him a job at the hospital?

No, the five of us own a car wash.

Oh, well, yes.

I'll see you all later.

Oh, uh, Doctor, if we ever do buy a bus, we'll send it to your car wash.

Sure, it's on me.

That's exactly the way I intend to drive it.

Arthur, do you realize what you just did?

Sure. I offered to get an unskilled foreigner a nice job in our car wash.

And that reverend got huffy.

Get him, teeny tiny pygmy god.

Get him!

Hello. I was wondering if you could tell me what they serve for dinner in

Ethiopia.

What?

Well, isn't this Congo Bill's delight?

It is, but you're a massage parlor.

Sorry.

Victoria, you look stunning.

Oh, Walter's going to be here with Ito any minute. I know he'll feel right at

home when he sees you.

I still don't like it.

Ito is from Ethiopia.

I'm from the West Indies. Why should I have to dress like this just because I'm

the only one in this house who's black?

Smart, he's here. He's here?

He's here. Where is he? Where is he? Where is my Ito?

Smart,

he's bringing in the rest of his stuff.

Maude, I think you may be in for a little disappointment.

Oh, Walter, don't be silly. I've waited too long for this moment.

Oh, Walter, just think, 23 years ago, a little Ethiopian orphan cried out for

help, and I happily answered that cry. My hands crossed an ocean and

helped a child in a little country that had been ravaged by the Italian

invaders.

Oh, Walter, after all this time, this little black boy is...

Going to come through that door a strong, proud, black man.

Mamma mia!

I'm so glad to see you.

Who are you?

You no recognize?

Are you Foster Bambino?

My... My... But...

But you're not black. You're Italian.

What happened to my ito scungari?

That's me, Benito Scungari.

Mama mia.

Mama, why are you not happy to see me?

Well, you know how it is, you know. Kids never turn out the way you expect them

to.

Georgia, please, if I want a comedian, I'll adopt Chevy Chase.

It's not that I'm not glad to see you. It's just that I'm surprised.

I mean, you look so much darker in the snapshot.

That's not a me.

That's my friend, Leroy Selassie.

That's a me.

What's a you?

That's a...

Watson. Hey, that's my hand on the Leroy's shoulder.

Would you believe it?

For 20 years, I've been supporting a hand.

It's time to meet your foster.

Where is he?

This is he, Victoria.

I'm a pleasure to meet you.

You're Ethiopian?

Hey, are you Ethiopian?

No, I'm Swedish.

Mamma mia, let's just sit down and get acquainted.

Oh, ma, what a beautiful house.

You see, on the way from the airport, Edo told me that his father was in the

Italian army.

And he stayed in Ethiopia, and he brought over an Italian wife, and

they had Edo.

But when his parents died, he wound up in the orphanage.

Oh.

Oh.

Uh.

What happened to your parents, Ito?

There was a killed rhino accident.

A rhino accident?

They forget the first rule of the jungle.

Never stand between two rhinos in the mating season.

You know, I feel terrible about your parents. I'm really awfully sorry, but I

hope you realize what you've been doing with me. For 20 years, you have been

deceiving me.

What do I do? Don't give me that big innocence into what I do. You know, what

you do? What?

You... For 20 years now, we've been exchanging letters. All you ever talked

about was Ethiopia. You never once were honest enough to mention the fact that

you're Italian.

So, you never tell me you was at all, eh?

Look, I'm only right about Ethiopia because that's all you ever ask me

Ito, you're missing the whole point.

For 20 years, I thought I was supporting a black orphan.

Maud, look on the bright side.

He may not be black, but he is an orphan.

I find no comfort in that, Wolfie.

Ito, this is nothing personal, but...

You've caused a great many problems for a great many people.

A black minister put his church into debt in

order to pay for your plane fare.

As a matter of fact, the church choir is going to do a concert to try to raise

the money to repay it.

Concert? I'm a singer.

I'ma have a beautiful voice.

I'ma sing African folk songs about the primitive beauty of the jungle.

Much as I love lions, this is no time for singing.

Well, where is he? We saw the car out in the driveway.

Hello there. Where's Ito?

Tell him his Aunt Vivian is dying to meet him.

Aunt Vivian? That's my Aunt Vivian.

Why is this man holding me so tight?

Because this is Ito. Only his real name is Benito Scungiari, and he's Italian.

All right, Ito, you can let go now.

Oh, no, that's all right. I just wondered why.

Italian? I thought your foster child was from Ethiopia.

Foster, he is from Ethiopia, but his parents were Italian.

Oh.

Then he isn't black.

Arthur, you see, this is why you're a doctor. Nothing escapes that trained

Oh, I imagine Reverend Buick is going to be surprised.

Surprised? Surprised he's going to kill me.

He's not about to pay to fly an Italian over here from Ethiopia. He can bring

one in by bus from Jersey City.

Look, I'm going to cause her too much trouble.

I think the best thing is I find some way to get her back to Ethiopia.

And someday I'm going to pay you back all your money when I'm a great singer.

Well, as we say in Ethiopia, arrivederci.

Ito, wait.

I admit I'm very unhappy about the way things have turned out, but

for over 20 years now you've been my foster son and you're still my foster

I don't care what color you are, you're welcome to stay in this house.

Well, Mama knows the best.

Where's my room?

Walter, I think the room over the garage would be perfect for Ito. Would you

show him where it is? Come on, Ito.

It

has

a very nice voice.

Great. He can sing at my funeral once Reverend Buick hears about this.

It's Reverend Buick.

Where in Tuckahoe can I find two rhinos in heat?

Reverend, ladies, come right in. Thank you, Mrs. Finley.

Reverend, good to see you. I'm sure you and Maude have a lot to talk about, and

frankly, I don't want to get in the middle of this mess.

I'm taking my wife out to dinner.

Oh, I feel like spaghetti and meatballs.

Oh, gosh, I'm sorry, Maude.

Mrs. Finley, these ladies are the finest singers in our gospel choir.

This is Rachel Winters, Jessica Franklin, and her sister -in -law,

Aretha.

Aretha Franklin. Now, that is certainly a famous name. It should be. She's been

singing in our choir for 16 years.

Oh, Reverend, I suddenly feel so, so inadequate.

Oh, you shouldn't. It was your encouragement that made it possible for

reach out our hands to a black brother in another land.

Reverend, may I speak frankly? Yes, Mrs. Finley. Reverend, you and I have always

thought exactly alike.

We have both always fought for equality.

We both feel that all men are brothers, that all men are the same color. Is that

true? No.

Nobody's ever mistaken me for white.

What I mean is, of course, there is black and white, but really, what is

and white?

A police car.

And they've never mistaken me for white either.

Has Ito gotten here yet?

Yes, he has.

What? Oh, hi, Reverend. Oh, Mr. Finley.

I'd like you to meet these ladies from our choir.

Look, Reverend, I have to say something to you.

You and your congregation have acted in good faith. I think it's only fair that

you get the same treatment.

Before you meet Ito, there is something that I want to tell you.

Would you believe that's a jungle folk song?

It's a follow.

Mamma mia, what a beautiful room.

It's not like my old room at the orphanage, you know.

Orphanage? Who is he?

He?

This young man is one of nature's oddities.

He is a rare Ethiopian albino.

With an Italian accent.

That is what makes him so rare.

You don't mean... I'm afraid I do.

Don't tell me he's the... Yes, I'm afraid he is.

Are you trying to say that we... I'm afraid we did.

What kind of a fraud do you call this?

I'm afraid so.

Oh, Reverend. Can he help it if he's of Italian descent? Can he help it if he's

an orphan? Can he help it if we made a mistake?

This... Boy was born in Ethiopia.

He was raised in Ethiopia. He is Ethiopian.

If I'm not Ethiopian, my name is not Benny Toskunjad. Shut up in your mouth.

You do understand, Reverend.

Surely, my dear lady, you can appreciate how embarrassing it must be for me.

to try to explain to my congregation how a well -intentioned white lady talked

me into paying $1 ,800 to bring Batman to America.

Reverend, Reverend, certainly they'll understand.

Understand? Understand?

You are looking at 200 years of being duped by the white man who has sold us

hair straightener, skin whitener, watered -down whiskey, and a lifetime

repayment loan.

We've been sold all the white man's inferior goods and inferior bads,

separate but equal Amos and Andy, and the notion that we make good pushers,

pimps, cotton pickers, shoeshine boys.

But, Mrs. Finley, in all these years, no one to my knowledge has

ever tried to sell us an Italian for an Ethiopian.

Wonderful! Now I have finally seen real humanitarian religion in action.

This is the wonderful man of the cloth that I respected so.

This is the man who has always fought against prejudice and never practiced

Well, I'm going to give you back that check that you brought me earlier, and I

am also going to write out a check right away for the remainder of the 1800 I

owe you. Maud!

We can't afford that. I don't care. We'll mortgage the house. We'll sell the

car. We'll borrow from friends. We'll do whatever we have to do. I refuse to owe

one red cent to this man who claims to be a servant of God.

I suppose I spoke too soon.

The pressures of trying to raise large sums of money and the prospect of facing

my congregation made me forget what I am.

Doing the work of the Lord is not easy.

I even have problems with my choir.

Serious problems? Yes.

Our lead tenor went with Gladys Knight to be a pip.

Hey, I'm a singer to your choir.

Thank you.

But I don't think people will pay good money to hear our church choir sing,

on to my house.

You want a gospel?

Hey, I was raised in a religious orphanage.

Sisters, listen.

Praise him.

Praise him.

We split the mistake down the middle and go 50 -50.

Reverend, I would say you got yourself a deal.

Spot was recorded on videotape before a studio audience.