Original subtitles

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider.

She didn't care if the whole world looked.

Joan of Arc with the Lord to guide her. She was a sister who really could.

Isadora was the first bra burner. Ain't you glad she showed up?

The country was falling apart.

Betsy Ross got it all sold up.

And then there's Maud.

And then there's Maud. And then there's Maud. And then there's Maud. And then

there's Maud. And then there's Maud. That uncompromising, enterprising,

but tranquilizer. Right on, Maud.

Okay,

guys, let's set it up right here. Sandy, over there. Perfect spot. Here you go,

Nick. All right.

We'll shoot this at the background, okay? Is that good?

Whenever you're ready.

Okay, we're rolling.

Get on!

This is Tuggy McKenna for the WZMZ News Break on tonight's restaurant fire at

Gipper Duane, Halibut Palace.

I'm here at Tuckahoe General Hospital where most of the victims of tonight's

fire have been brought. No serious injuries are reported at this time.

Most of the people you see here are being treated for smoke inhalation.

inhalation. Minor cuts and bruises.

What are you doing?

What in the world is going on here? We're trying to do a television show,

Harmon. I'm sorry, I don't have any time to be on a television show now. I'm

looking for my wife.

Thank you, Dr. Peretz. She is just fine. Just a little burn on a finger.

As a matter of fact, Sharon and Stu Dempsey were here and they've already

her home.

Oh, what a relief.

I was on my way to join you at the restaurant when I heard the news on the

radio. Arthur, it was frightening. It was frightening.

I mean, there we were, Walter, Vivian, and I, having a pleasant dinner at

Skipper Duane's Halibut Palace.

And all of a sudden, there was smoke and flames and utter confusion.

Well, what about you, Marty? Is this serious? Oh, no, no. It's just a small

bruise. Now, one of the young doctors patched me up. He asked me a few

questions, and he seemed quite pleased.

What did he ask you? If I had medical insurance.

Oh, good.

I'm glad that they're not forgetting the rules.

So often in a disaster like this, the young doctors simply panic, start

the victims before they even know whether they can pay or not.

Marty?

Marty, what is it?

Arthur, I get so mad every time I think of it. Do you know how I hurt my arm?

No. Well, when the fire started, in the confusion, you're not going to believe

this, some man actually pushed... me into a wall so he could get out ahead of

me. I mean, have you ever heard of anything so cowardly? Oh, Maud, that is

terrible. Did you get a look at him? No, there was too much smoke.

Oh. Thank God for Walter.

Arthur Walter restored my faith in mankind.

What did he do?

Arthur Walter was a hero.

Walter saved a life.

He saved a life?

Wow.

That's something I've always wanted to do.

We'd become separated after that coward threw me against the wall, but when I

went outside, there was Walter in the parking lot, giving mouth -to -mouth

resuscitation to a victim who had been overcome by smoke inhalation. Oh,

I was so proud. I was so proud.

I wasn't crazy about the fact that it was a 22 -year -old cocktail waitress.

Arthur, I was proud.

Mr. Finley, just two minutes. Look, will you guys leave me alone?

I'm not a hero. Oh, sure you are, Mr. Finley. You're the perfect human

story. Look, will you leave me alone, please?

Walter, you old son of a gun. You're a hero.

Come on, tell us all about it. Arthur, enough with the hero business.

Sweetie, I'm sorry I'm late, but I was trying to find a doctor.

I want another opinion on your arm.

You really want another opinion?

You bet I do.

All right.

On my way out, I'll try to find a doctor.

Mort, are you sure you're all right? Oh, honey, it's just a small bruise that

hurts like hell.

Come on, Mr. Finley, give me a break. There's no one else I can interview.

I mean, the chef doesn't speak English, and I can't interview the owner. They

just arrested him for arson.

Mort, I don't feel like a hero.

Isn't he modest? That is a real hero.

Tuggy, start your camera. Walter will give you the interview.

Walter, honey, do this for me.

Walter, when that coward flung me against the wall, it was thickening.

honey, what you did was so beautiful. And, darling, people should hear about

beautiful things for a change.

And now, Mr. Finley, why don't you tell us in your own words how you performed

this life -saving feat?

Well... When the fire started, I got separated from my wife.

And when I got outside, I saw her coming out the side entrance.

And I knew that she was safe.

That's when the waitress passed out at my feet, and I just bent over and gave

her mouth -to -mouth.

You gave her mouth -to -mouth.

Resuscitation.

And that's all there was to it. It's not a big deal.

I'm Maude Findlay, and I just want to say that I have never been as proud as I

am this moment to be this man's wife. Maude.

Mr. Findlay.

I'm Karen Rebould.

I'm the girl whose life you saved after the fire.

Thank you.

Excuse me, miss. I don't mean to get personal, but...

I think you're blowing smoke down his throat.

Billy,

this is so exciting.

We're very proud of you.

Believe me, it was nothing.

Victoria, could you fix us something to eat? I'm famished. We had just started

on our fish balls when the fire broke out.

That's right.

We should celebrate. I'll make a special snack. What would you like?

Maybe just a bowl of soup.

Oh, no.

For you, only one thing will do.

A hero sandwich.

That's fine. Fine. We'll see you then.

Bye. Honey, that was the Harmons. They're on their way over here.

Oh, Walter.

Walter, I can't get over it. You actually saved a human life.

Walter, what a magnificent thing to do. That's it.

That's it.

I don't want to hear anything more about this hero stuff.

It's over. All right. Now, can you understand that? All right, Walter. All

right. Once and for all.

I'm sorry, Walter. I guess I just got carried away.

Mort.

Oh, Mort.

When we got separated and I was outside and you weren't there, I was never so

scared in my entire life.

I thought maybe you weren't coming out.

I got my wife!

In fact, that's all that's important.

Walter, Walter, you are wonderful.

What?

Do you know what we're going to do?

Do what?

Do you know what I'm thinking of?

What? You remember Sylvia Gleeson?

Sylvia... Sylvia Gleeson?

Sylvia Gleeson used to throw all those crazy parties.

Sylvia Gleeson! And remember, she threw that party where everybody was supposed

to come like a Marx Brothers... A Marx Brothers party! Oh, Walter, Walter,

Walter. That was right before we were married. Right. And you went as Groucho,

and I went as Harpo.

And remember after the party, we checked in at that hotel?

The... The... The... The... The Bellman! The Bellman Hotel!

And we were still in our costumes. Darling.

And you were so embarrassed that you couldn't even speak to the desk clerk.

Every time he asked you a question, you'd honk my horn.

Maud, I want to honk your horn again tonight.

I'm going to go upstairs and pack a few clothes for us. We're going to go to the

Ramada Inn. We'll check in and we'll pretend we're not married. Oh, come on,

Walter, you're crazy.

Maud, don't turn me down.

We're going to get a room with a waterbed.

If things get dull, we can always go fishing.

Walter, you're a crazy person.

Oh, hello, Maude. Vivian. Oh, Vivian.

Vivian, I have been married four times, but I tell you I am married to the most

wonderful man in the world. Oh, Maude.

You see, Arthur, I told you she'd forgive him. You're a great guy, Maude.

forgive who?

Oh, Walter, of course.

Oh, Maude, I was just so shocked when I saw him push you against that wall and

run out of that burning restaurant.

Walter?

Oh, you mean you didn't?

Well, now listen. Don't pay any attention to Vivian. It's those pills

gave her at the hospital. They make her lie.

I'm not lying.

Vivian.

Vivian, you've got to be mistaken.

No, I'm not mistaken. I'm sure I'm not mistaken.

Maybe he tripped. I mean, maybe he,

you know, bumped into me accidentally. Uh -uh. No, no, no. I tell you, no.

I saw him.

Oh.

Oh.

Well, it was, um... You know, it was during all that confusion when everybody

was yelling fire and, uh...

Well, I just saw Walter sort of shove you aside.

Oh, Maude, I'm sorry. I didn't know. I didn't know you didn't know.

But, I mean, it doesn't make sense.

I mean, a man who loves me as much as Walter loves me would never just

push me aside to save his own neck.

Would he?

No, he wouldn't. But he did.

Hi, Arthur.

Hi there, Walter.

Hi, Vivian.

Goodbye, Arthur. Goodbye, Vivian. Maude and I are on our way out.

Walter, there's something I want to ask you. I want to ask you something, too.

If I told you that you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?

That's one of the Marx Brothers, isn't it?

Oh, which one is it?

Harpo? Chico?

Zeppo? Chavo.

That's one of my father's jokes.

Walter, were you the man who pushed me against the wall at the restaurant

tonight?

That was one of my father's jokes, but everybody thought I was one of my

mother's jokes.

Walter, were you the one?

Yes. Here are the hero sandwiches.

Victoria, before you serve them, which one is Walter's? The big one.

Oh, well, put a streak of mustard down the back of Walter's bun.

It's all true. I just panicked and tried to save my own neck.

Let's face it, I'm a man with feet of clay. Nobody could run that fast with

feet.

It doesn't spin me, you know what I think? What?

I think I'll go upstairs and play my radio real loud.

My own husband, my own husband did this to me.

Oh, God, all right. So he wasn't very nice.

Wasn't nice.

Wasn't nice. Pearl Harbor wasn't nice.

Lizzie Borden wasn't nice.

You're not even giving Walter a chance to explain. That's right, Marty. You

should at least listen to his side of it.

You're right. I'm sorry.

I want to be fair.

Go ahead, Walter. Explain.

I promise I won't interrupt.

Jack the Ripper wasn't nice!

You just got to stop calling Walter names. That's not doing any good, Maude.

already feels bad enough. You know, you're not helping. Oh, I know. I know.

You're right, Vivian. Just think how awful he must feel.

How humiliated.

Oh, look. Come here. Look at this poor man.

Look at this.

Look at that.

Sitting there with his head in his hands.

He's just crushed.

One more word and he'll just fall apart.

Coward!

Vivian, I can't help it. Don't you know Walter loves you?

I know, I know, I know, I know when I love Walter. At least half of me loves

him. The other half of me is angry with him for what he's done and wants to get

even.

Well, then how are you going to manage that tonight?

Is half of you going to sleep upstairs with Walter and the other half sleep

here on the couch?

Both of me are sleeping on the couch.

Maude, now you're forgetting that all of Walter loves you.

Only right now, half of Walter hates him.

So, you're just going to have to take the half of you that loves him and make

the half of him that hates him love him.

or else all four of you are going to wind up sleeping on the couch.

I certainly can't argue with that, Vivian, because I didn't understand one

word you said!

All right, maybe you can understand this.

Walter did a terrible thing to you, yes, but he did it in a moment when he was

terrified and confused.

And, Maude, you're going to have to learn to forgive and forget, or you just

might as well kiss this marriage goodbye. And, Maude...

You remember, this is...

Oh,

Vivian, you're right, you're right, you're right. I know you're right,

don't know if I'll ever be able to forget what happened tonight. I don't

honestly know if I ever will.

You have to try.

Arthur, I'd want to be alone with Walter.

Why? Arthur!

But remember...

Walter,

just now in the kitchen, Vivian said something very wise to me.

I know, I know. She said something very wrong.

And what it boils down to is, well, if

we both try very hard, possibly in a little while, we'll

forget what happened tonight.

I'm not so sure.

There's no excuse for what I did.

There's not even an explanation for it.

Oh, I'm so ashamed.

I mean, when I found out it was you I pushed, I was disgusted with myself.

Walter, you mean you didn't realize it was me that you had pushed?

No, not until later when you told me somebody pushed you.

Somehow that makes it a bit easier.

No, it doesn't. You're right, it doesn't.

Whether it was you or not.

Somebody could have died because of me.

I'm a coward.

Hey, Grandpa, I just came from basketball practice.

We saw you on television in the coach's office.

You're a hero.

Phillip, I think you ought to know.

Ah, Phillip, they blew it out of proportion.

Aw, come on, Grandpa.

You saved that waitress's life.

You're a hero.

All the guys on the team look up to me now. The coach is going to put me on

first string.

He says I can be the token white.

Philip, that's wonderful, but, honey, it's getting awfully late. I think you

should go up to bed.

Okay.

Gee, Grandpa, am I proud of you.

I mean, do you see that?

I can't even face my own grandson.

How am I going to face you, Maude? Look, Walter, it's going to be very difficult

for both of us.

But I promise you, Walter, I am going to try to totally erase from my mind what

happened tonight.

Maude! Ow! You plump!

I didn't mean to say that.

If I had any brains, I'd go upstairs and pack.

Walter, don't talk like that. It's no use, Mort. Every time I look at you, all

can see is what happened tonight. But, Walter, there... Boy, Walter's really

upset. Now he's talking about moving out of the house.

Morty, let me handle this, okay?

Walter.

Walter, I just want you to know that I don't think what happened tonight is

important at all.

Not important?

I pushed my wife out of the way just to save my own neck.

Now, stop that.

Lots of men would do the same thing under the same kind of pressure.

Would you, Arthur? Would you do the same thing?

Well, that's different.

Well, why is it different?

Because you're you and I'm me.

Look, just answer me, Arthur.

Would you push Vivian out of the way just to save your own neck?

No.

No. See, I'm the kind of a guy who would probably have my wife under one arm,

somebody else under the other arm, and a third victim across my shoulder.

I'd fight my way through the blaze, and when I got them safely outside, knowing

me, without any regard for my own safety, I'd probably just turn around

right back in for more. But that's me.

I can't take any credit for that. That's just the way God made me.

That's not you.

You're the kind of personality who just happens to have a keen sense of personal

danger. So at the first sign of trouble, you push and shove your way to safety.

That's you, Walter.

It doesn't mean that one of us is any better than the other.

As a matter of fact, you know, I kind of envy you.

When there is a crisis...

You only have to worry about yourself.

Hey, old buddy, I think I got through to you, didn't I?

Come on, let's tell Maude it's all better.

Maude, I think our boy's going to be all right.

I just straightened him out. Right, Walter? Yes, it's true. Arthur helped me

make a decision.

Oh, Walter, that's wonderful.

I'm definitely moving out of the house.

No, Walter!

Well, at least I got him off the fence.

Walter,

this isn't going to solve anything.

Walter, we at least have to try to make this work.

Walter, you're not the first person who ever panicked.

You won't even try.

Hey, Grandpa, you were just on the late news.

That's nice, Philip.

Hey, where are you going?

He's running away, Philip.

He's not man enough to stand and face the problem, so he's running away.

Hey, watch what you say about my grandpa.

Philip. You have no right to say a thing like that.

Grandpa's the bravest guy I know.

Philip, don't blame your grandmother.

Ah, she's probably just jealous or something. Shut up!

Listen to me.

Tonight,

When the fire broke out at Skipper Duane's Halibut Palace, somebody pushed

grandmother into a wall so he could save his own neck.

Really?

That's right.

And Philip, I'm the one who did that.

You, Grandpa?

Yes.

You push Grandma out of the way to save your own neck?

Philip, what your grandpa just did took a great deal of courage.

I only hope that someday you'll understand.

Heck, I understand right now. When somebody yells fire, it's every man for

himself. See you in the morning.

Well, at least he's a chip off the old block.

Listen, Walter, I really meant what I just said to Philip.

Every one of us is capable of panicking the way you did tonight, but, Walter,

admitting what you had done to your own grandson, it's one of the

bravest things I have ever seen.

Do you really mean that? Oh.

Walter, tonight is just one tiny, tiny little moment in our lives. We still

those millions and millions of wonderful moments when we did tender, loving

things to each other. That's true, isn't it?

And speaking of doing tender, loving things to each other... Yeah?

Well, you were packed.

I'm packed.

Remember what we were talking about? Checking into the Ramada Inn and

we're single? All right!

Oh, honey, did I ever tell you about my Uncle Harry, the magician?

No. No? Well, every time he got into a car with a pretty gale, he turned into a

motel.

VOD was recorded on videotape before a studio audience.