Original subtitles

- PREVIOUSLY ON THE BIG C...

- I'M YOUR "CANCIERGE," REMEMBER?

- ATTICUS SHERMAN.

- IT WAS DR. SHERMAN'S OFFICE.

HE ADDED A SPOT FOR ME IN THE CLINICAL TRIAL.

- MY PARENTS GOT CALLED BY OUR CHURCH TDO MISSIONARY WORK.

- YOU SHOULD COME LIVE WITH US.

- MAYBE THEY'RE CUTTING THESE NEW BIPOLAR DRUGS

WITH FAIRY DUST OR SOMETHING BECAUSE I FEEL FANTASTIC.

- I'M EMILY. - I'M ADAM.

- YOU'RE KIND OF THE "IT" GUY AROUND SCHOOL RIGHT NOW.

- DOES ALL THIS CANCER STUFF SCARE YOU?

- SCARED SHITLESS.

- WELL, I FOR ONE THINK YOU'RE A PRETTY BRAVE BITCH.

- [laughs]

[Leftover Cuties' Game Called Life]

- ♪ IT'S SO HARD ♪

♪ TO TURN YOUR LIFE OVER ♪

♪ STEP OUT ♪

♪ OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE ♪

♪ IS THIS SOME KINOF A JOKE? ♪

♪ WILL SOMEONE WAKE ME UP SOON? ♪

♪ AND TELL ME THIS WAS JUST A GAME WE PLAY ♪

♪ CALLED LIFE ♪

[rattling]

- IS THAT THING KEEPING YOU UP?

- I COULDN'T SLEEP ANYWAY.

- UGH.

[rattling continues]

- OH, MY FUCKING GOD.

I'M GONNA RIP THAT FUCKING SKELETON APART

BONE BY BONE.

- HE'S UNNERVING YOU. HE'S DOING HIS JOB.

- HOW DO YOU KNOW IT'S A HE?

CAN'T EVEN TELL THE GENDER OF A SKELTON.

THAT'S WHAT MAKES THEM EXTRA CREEPY.

- I THINK FEMALES HAVE WIDER PELVIC BONES.

- I LOVE YOU DEARLY, HONEY,

BUT I CAN'T ANALYZE THIS RIGHT NOW.

FUCKING NEIGHBORS.

- THE SKELETON KEEP YOU UP TOO?

- WHAT? NO.

I'M JUST BEDAZZLING MY HALLOWEEN COSTUME.

- YOU STILL DRESS UP?

- HELL YEAH.

I LOVE HALLOWEEN.

- I REMEMBER WHEN ADAM WAS ABOUT FOUR,

IT WAS THE FIRST YEAR HE EVER REALLY GOT HALLOWEEN.

WE WERE DONE TRICK-OR-TREATING IN ABOUT AN HOUR.

HE CAME HOME, HE DUMPED HIS BAG ON THE FLOOR,

TORE INTO THE CANDY,

FELL ASLEEP RIGHT THERE.

THE NEXT MORNING,

I FOUND HIM WAITING BY THE FRONT DOOR

DRESSED IN HIS LITTLE POCAHONTAS COSTUME

READY TO GO AGAIN.

- HE WAS POCAHONTAS?

- HE WAS OBSESSED WITH HER.

PAUL WAS SURE HE WAS GONNA BE GAY.

- I'LL GIVE YOU 20 BUCKS IF YOU HAVE A PICTURE

I CAN TORTURE HIM WITH.

- SEEMS LIKE SUCH A LONG TIME AGO NOW.

SO WHAT ARE YOU MAKING?

- I USUALLY JUST START CREATING

AND THEN SEE WHERE MY INSPIRATION TAKES ME.

SO I'M THINKING A SPARKLY GHOST,

OR A SPARKLY BIRD,

OR A WITCH, BUT SPARKLY.

- FUCKING PAGAN HOLIDAY.

- PAUL, YOU CANNOT STEAL THEIR DECORATIONS.

- OH, DON'T WORRY.

I LEFT THE ENTIRE INTERACTIVE TOMBSTONE DISPLAY

WITH THE GHOUL THAT SAYS,

"I'VE LOST MY HEAD. HAVE YOU SEEN IT?"

EVERY TIME I GET IN MY FUCKING CAR.

GOD DAMN PSYCHO NEIGHBORS.

THEY'RE INFATUATED WITH DEATH OVER THERE.

- I THINK HE'S A LITTLE NERVOUS

ABOUT MY STARTING THE CLINICAL TRIAL TODAY.

- ARE YOU?

- I'M EXCITED.

I MEAN, I HAVE A GAME PLAN.

GRANTED, IT INVOLVES NEEDLES AND HOSPITAL SMELLS,

BUT STILL, KINDA EXCITED.

- WELL, I WAS GONNA LEAVE THIS OUT AS A SURPRISE,

BUT SINCE YOU'RE UP.

- OH!

I LOVE IT.

MMM!

I FEEL BRAVER AND BITCHIER ALREADY.

GOOD MORNING TO YOU.

EVERYONE ELSE IS MAKING THEIR HOUSES LOOK SCARY.

YOURS IS STARTING TO LOOK POSITIVELY INVITING, SIR.

- THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT.

NEIGHBOR KIDS THINK THIS HOUSE IS HAUNTED,

AND MARLENE REALLY PUT THE NAIL IN THAT COFFIN

WHEN SHE, YOU KNOW, PUT THE NAIL IN THE COFFIN.

- WELL, YOU'LL PROBABLY GET TWO OR THREE

LITTLE TREATERS TONIGHT.

HOPEFULLY MORE AS THE YEARS PASS.

- YEAH, KIDS DRESSED UP AS LIONS AND PRINCESSES

AND CHARLIE CHAPLIN, THAT'S WHAT I WANT.

THEN SOMEDAY I'LL DRESS MY OWN KID UP

AS ONE OF THE SEVEN WONDERS OF THE WORLD,

AND WE WILL GO AROUND BEGGING FOR SUGAR.

- YOU STILL SLEEPING IN THE YARD IN THAT SCENARIO?

- NOPE.

I PROMISED REBECCA I'D BE MOVED BACK INSIDE

BY THE TIME SHE GOT BACK.

I SLEPT ON THE PORCH LAST NIGHT.

I'M SLEEPING ON THE COUCH TONIGHT.

PLAN ON JOINING HER IN BED UPON HER RETURN.

- I HOPE MY NEW DRUGS HELP ME

AS MUCH AS YOURS ARE HELPING YOU.

- JESUS, THOSE WERE SOME HAIRY STRANDS OF DNA

OUR SHITHEAD PARENTS TRIED TO STRING TOGETHER.

- HAPPY HALLOWEEN.

- YOU'RE GONNA DO GREAT TODAY.

[computer beeping]

- [laughs]

OH, HI, HONEY BUNNY.

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS CALL EACH OTHER THAT.

- WHAT ARE YOU DOING? GET OUT OF HERE.

- I CAN'T. I LIVE HERE, REMEMBER?

- YEAH, THAT DOESN'T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT

TO JUST BARGE INTO MY ROOM.

- UNWAD YOUR BIKINI BRIEFS.

I'M JUST 'CAUSE YOUR MOM WANTED ME TO TELL YOU

THAT BREAKFAST IS READY.

- TELL HER I'LL EAT SOMETHING LATER.

- I'M NOT YOUR MESSENGER.

- YOU'RE NOT MY BOSS.

- LOOK, BITCH, I JUST THINK IT'D BE NICE

IF YOU GAVE YOUR MOM A GOOD LUCK HUG OR SOMETHING.

- THEN SHE'LL GET ALL WEIRD AND START CRYING.

- SO?

SHE CAN'T CRY WITH ALL THE SHIT SHE'S GOING THROUGH?

- WHY DO YOU CARE? SHE'S NOT YOUR MOTHER.

YOUR MOM MOVED THOUSANDS OF MILES AWAY

AND LET YOU STAY WITH A BUNCH OF STRANGERS, REMEMBER?

- YOU LOOK STUPID IN THAT SHIRT.

[soft thumping]

[thumping continues]

- OH, COME ON, GUYS, WE WENT OVER THIS!

- EVERYTHING OKAY?

- UGH, I JUST GOTTA GET THIS PROJECT TURNED AROUND

BY TOMORROW,

AND EVERY POSSIBLE THING THAT COULD GO WRONG

IS GOING WRONG!

WOULD IT BE SEXUAL HARASSMENT IF I CALLED JEFF A DOUCHE BAG?

- IT MIGHT BE.

JESUS, THIS PARKING LOT IS PACKED.

I HOPE I'M NOT LATE.

- THANKS SO MUCH FOR BEING DESIGNATED DRIVER, HON.

I GOTTA GET THESE EMAILS OUT,

AND I JUST WOULDN'T WANT TO UPSET OPRAH

BY, YOU KNOW, TEXTING AND DRIVING.

OH, THERE'S A SPOT. - WHAT? WHERE?

- MISSED IT.

- OKAY, YOU CANNOT BE A BACKSEAT DRIVER

IN THE FRONT SEAT WHILE TEXTING.

IT'S JUST NOT-- - THERE'S ANOTHER ONE!

GET THAT SPACE.

OH, MY GOD! YOU RAN OVER SOMEBODY!

- YOU SCARED ME.

- ARE YOU OKAY?

- OH, MY-- I AM SO, SO SORRY.

I DIDN'T SEE YOU.

- OH, IT HURTS. - WHERE, SIR?

CAN YOU--CAN YOU TELL US WHERE?

- OKAY, I--I-- I DON'T SEE ANY BLOOD.

OKAY?

WHAT IF HE'S BLEEDING INTERNALLY?

- NO, IT FELT LIKE I BARELY TAPPED HIM.

- WHY DON'T YOU LOOK WHERE YOU'RE GOING FOR--

- YOU'RE THE ONE THAT TOLD ME TO--

- [laughing]

- WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?

- THAT NEVER GETS OLD.

- WAIT.

- ARE YOU FUCKING WITH US?

- [laughs]

- THAT WAS NOT FUNNY.

- THAT WAS VERY FUNNY.

I MEAN, YOU HAVE TO BE A REALLY BAD DRIVER

TO HIT SOMEONE IN A PARKING LOT.

OH, THAT DOESN'T HAPPEN EVERY DAY.

- YOU SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF US.

- BOO.

HAVE A NICE DAY.

- FUCKING FREAK.

[rock music]

[soft thumping]

♪ ♪

[turns up volume on stereo]

♪ ♪

[music stops] - JEEZ!

YOU KNOCK MUCH?

- AS IF YOU COULD HEAR ME KNOCKING

OVER YOUR SHITTY TASTE IN MUSIC ANYHOW.

CATHY ASKED ME TO BRING THAT TO YOU.

- OH, DIABETES IN A BAG.

THANKS. DID YOU OPEN THIS?

- YOU DIDN'T EXPECT ME TO BRING IT ALL THE WAY OVER HERE

FOR FREE, DID YOU?

- CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?

DO YOU HEAR A THUMPING NOISE?

NOT NOW, BUT WHEN YOU CAME IN?

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN? - OKAY, SHIT.

I KEEP HEARING THESE NOISES,

LIKE A THUMPING OR SOMETHING.

IT COMES FROM OVER HERE,

AND THEN IT'S OVER THERE.

BUT WHEN I TRY TO FOLLOW THE SOUND,

WHOO, IT GOES SOMEWHERE ELSE.

I'M KIND WORRIED THAT I'M GOING CRAZY AGAIN,

HEARING GHOSTS OR SOMETHING.

- OH, MY GOD, IT'S MARLENE.

- YEAH, RIGHT, GOOD ONE.

- I'M SERIOUS.

SOMETIMES WHEN PEOPLE DIE AT HOME,

THEIR SPIRITS GET STUCK.

IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.

- DON'T FUCK WITH ME, ANDREA.

MY MENTAL STATE CAN'T TAKE IT RIGHT NOW.

- I'M NOT! I BELIEVE IN THIS SHIT.

A FRIEND OF MY GRANNY'S USED TO CLEAN HOUSES,

AND THIS ONE TIME SHE WAS CLEANING THIS ROOM

OF THIS GUY THAT DIED.

AND ALL OF A SUDDEN,

SHE STARTED FEELING SOMETHING REALLY WEIRD

RIGHT ABOVE HER HEAD.

AND SO SHE SLOWLY LOOKED UP,

AND BOOM, A LIGHT BULB BURST RIGHT IN HER FACE.

IF I WERE YOU, I WOULD SAGE THE HELL OUT OF THIS PLACE.

IT'S THE ONLY WAY THE SPIRITS WILL KNOW

THAT IT'S TIME TO GO.

YOU HEAR THAT, MARLENE?

IT'S TIME TO CROSS OVER, YOU OLD RACIST BITCH!

- WAIT, ANDREA.

COULD YOU HANG OUT FOR A MINUTE?

SEE IF IT HAPPENS AGAIN?

- NO, NO, NO. HELL NO.

IF YOU GOT GHOSTS IN HERE, I WANT NO PART OF IT.

- SHIT.

- I AM OFFICIALLY CHECKED IN.

- WHOO-HOO.

- OH, LOOK AT THE CUTE VAMPIRE NURSE.

I HOPE SHE'S THE ONE THAT TAKES THE BLOOD.

NO, I LIKE THAT THE STAFF

DRESSES UP HERE FOR HALLOWEEN.

HOSPITALS CAN BE SO DEPRESSING.

IT'S NICE TO SEE PEOPLE HAVING A LITTLE FUN.

- FUN?

YOU CALL THAT FUN?

CANCER NURSE DRESSED UP LIKE A DEAD PERSON?

SEEMS MORE LIKE SHITTY TASTE TO ME.

OH, GREAT, NOW MY EMAILS AREN'T GOING THROUGH.

FUCK ME!

UGH!

- MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO TO WORK.

- NO.

I'M GONNA STAY HERE WITH YOU.

- NO, I KNOW YOU WANT TO,

BUT YOU'RE STARTING TO STRESS ME OUT

WITH ALL THE TEXTING AND THE BUZZING

AND THE NEGATIVE ENERGY RIGHT NOW.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M SORRY.

DUMB DEADLINE, IT'S JUST MAKING ME CRAZY.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO?

I'M GONNA TURN THIS THING OFF.

SCREW THEM. [phone buzzes]

OH, FUCK ME IN MY FAT ASS.

- GO.

PLEASE.

WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.

I'M OKAY DOING THINGS MYSELF, I REALLY AM.

- OKAY, HONEY.

I'LL BE BACK IN A JIFFY,

IF NOT SOONER, OKAY?

YOU'RE VERY ATTRACTIVE.

JUST FOR THE RECORD, I FIND YOUR OUTFIT HIGHLY OFFENSIVE.

- CATHY JAMISON.

- YES.

- FOLLOW ME, PLEASE.

WE JUST NEED YOU TO FILL OUT SOME PAPERWORK HERE,

AND WHEN YOU'RE DONE WE'LL GRAB A QUICK "BLOOOOD" SAMPLE

BEFORE WE START TREATMENT.

- OKAY, THANK YOU.

- OH, MAN, LOOK WHO IT IS.

[laughs] MY WOULD-BE ASSASSIN.

[laughs]

THIS MUST BE PRETTY AWKWARD FOR YOU, RIGHT?

BY THE WAY, I--

I THINK I'M DEVELOPING A HEMATOMA,

WHICH WILL BE VERY EASY TO REMEMBER

BECAUSE IT RHYMES WITH MELANOMA, RIGHT?

SO THEN PEOPLE WILL JUST KNOW ME

AS THE "OMA" GUY.

- DO YOU MIND? - THE LOOK ON YOUR FACE--

- LOOK, I THINK I'VE SEEN ENOUGH--

- OH, I CAN'T HEAR YOU.

- THEN TAKE OUT THE FUCKING EAR BUDS,

SHUT UP, AND LET ME FILL OUT MY GODDAMN PAPERWORK.

- HEY, JOHN, HOW ARE YOU?

LET ME GIVE YOU A LITTLE TIP,

CATHERINE TOLKA--

- TOLKE. - TOLKE JAMISON.

I'M GUESSING THIS IS YOUR FIRST CLINICAL TRIAL, RIGHT?

AND CLINICAL TRIALS, THEY'RE VERY MUCH LIKE, UM,

THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL.

RIGHT NOW CLIQUES ARE FORMING

AND BONDS ARE BEING MADE,

AND NOBODY WANTS TO BE FRIENDS WITH THE MEAN BLONDE GIRL.

[school bell rings]

- HEY, HOT STUFF. - OH, HEY.

- YOU DIDN'T CALL ME BACK.

- UH, SORRY.

I PUT MY PHONE ON SILENT, FORGOT TO CHECK IT.

- THAT'S COOL, I WAS JUST CHECKING TO SEE

IF YOU WANNA GO TO SEGRID'S PARTY TOGETHER.

IT'S ON FRIDAY.

- MAYBE. I DON'T KNOW.

- EWW.

- GROSS. WHAT ARE THOSE?

- THEY ARE FETAL PIGS, MR. BOBICK,

WHICH WE WILL BE DISSECTING IN CLASS TODAY.

EVERYONE, KINDLY GRAB GLOVES AND A PAIR OF GOGGLES,

AND HEAD IN GROUPS OF FIVE TO A LAB STATION, PLEASE.

- I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING DEAD BEFORE.

IT'S TOTALLY FREAKING ME OUT.

- COME ON.

- MISS THOMPSON.

- SHIT.

- DO YOU BY ANY CHANCE HAVE YOUR INSURANCE APPROVAL FORM?

- UM...

NOT SURE.

- IT'S BLUE

WITH SEVEN NUMBERS ON TOP,

STARTING WITH "W-X."

- UH...

[sighs]

I DON'T SEE IT. - THAT'S UNFORTUNATE.

TECHNICALLY WE NEED TO HAVE THAT ON FILE

BEFORE WE CAN BEGIN TREATMENT.

- WELL, CAN YOU CALL MY INSURANCE

AND HAVE THEM FAX IT OVER OR SOMETHING?

- WE TRIED.

THEY'RE CLAIMING THEY HAVE NO RECORD OF APPROVING IT.

- THEY ARE?

OH, YOU CALLED MY SECONDARY.

I SWITCHED TO MY HUSBAND'S POLICY

BECAUSE IT COVERS MORE, SO DO I HAVE THE CARD?

DO I?

DO I HAVE THE CARD?

NO, I DON'T.

YOU KNOW, MY HUSBAND USUALLY HANDLES ALL THIS STUFF.

HE'S MY "CANCIERGE."

IT'S A LITTLE JOKE BETWEEN THE TWO OF US.

- WE'RE ONLY DOING TREATMENTS FOR THE NEXT COUPLE OF HOURS.

IF YOU CAN'T TRACK THE FORM DOWN BY THEN,

THEN YOU'LL HAVE TO START TOMORROW.

- TOMOR--NO.

I WANT TO START TODAY.

I'VE--I'VE WAITED WEEKS FOR THIS.

SO LET ME CALL MY HUSBAND.

I'M SURE WE CAN WORK IT OUT.

- OKAY.

- CALL TOM BACK.

TELL HIM I NEED THOSE PROOFS BY TOMORROW.

WHAT'S THE STATUS ON R.L.S.?

- STILL WAITING TO HEAR.

- OF COURSE YOU ARE.

HUMAN RESOURCES WANTS TO SEE ME?

WHAT THE HELL FOR?

- I DON'T KNOW. THEY SAID IT WAS URGENT.

- HUH.

ELIMINATED?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MY JOB'S BEEN ELIMINATED?

- UNFORTUNATELY YOUR POSITION IS NO LONGER REQUIRED

TO KEEP THE DEPARTMENT RUNNING SMOOTHLY.

- BUT THE COMPANY JUST PROMOTED ME

TO THIS POSITION A FEW MONTHS AGO.

- I KNOW, THIS MUST BE QUITE A SHOCK.

- DAMN RIGHT IT'S A SHOCK.

I MEAN, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO,

GO BACK TO BEING AN ASSOCIATE NOW?

- WELL, AS YOU KNOW, THAT POSITION WAS FILLED

WHEN YOU WERE PROMOTED.

AND I'M AFRAID THAT THERE ISN'T ANY ROOM IN THE BUDGET

TO HIRE AN ADDITIONAL ASSOCIATE.

- WAIT A MINUTE.

AM I BEING FIRED?

- NOT FIRED.

[clears throat] LET GO.

WHICH ENTITLES YOU TO A SEVERANCE PACKAGE.

- SEVERANCE PACKAGE?

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

THIS IS BULLSHIT!

- OKAY, I'M GONNA HAVE TO ASK YOU

TO CALM DOWN.

- CALM DOWN?

HOW CAN YOU ASK ME TO CALM DOWN?

YOU KNOW MY WIFE HAS CANCER!

OH, MY GOD!

OH, MY GOD!

THIS IS BECAUSE SHE'S SICK

AND I'VE BEEN TAKING TIME OFF.

I COULD SUE YOU FOR THIS.

- PAUL, I KNOW THIS FEELS LIKE A PERSONAL ATTACK,

BUT I THINK THAT YOU ARE OVERREACTING.

- REALLY, CHERYL?

'CAUSE I THINK MY REACTION IS PRETTY FUCKING NORMAL

GIVEN THE SHIT THAT I'VE BEEN GOING THROUGH.

I ADMIT THAT MY FOCUS HAS BEEN A LITTLE SPLIT RECENTLY,

AND MAYBE I HAVEN'T BEEN DOING THE BEST JOB OF MY LIFE.

BUT I WORK A FUCK OF A LOT HARDER

THAN THE OTHER ASSHOLES IN MY DIVISION,

AND I DO NOT DESERVE TO BE TREATED THIS WAY!

OH, SHIT.

OH, SHIT! - I'M SORRY, PAUL.

I KNOW THIS IS A BAD TIME.

- YOU KNOW THE NEXT TIME YOU FIRE SOMEBODY ON HALLOWEEN,

YOU MIGHT WANT TO TAKE OFF YOUR POINTY FUCKING EARS FIRST.

- AS YOU BEGIN TO REMOVE THE HEART,

NOTICE HOW THE SURFACE IS COVERED WITH BLOOD VESSELS.

IF THOSE GET BLOCKED, GUESS WHAT HAPPENS.

HEART ATTACK.

DOCTORS SOMETIMES USE PIG VALVES

TO REPLACE DAMAGED HUMAN ONES.

- NO WAY.

SO THERE ARE, LIKE, ACTUAL PEOPLE WALKING AROUND

WITH PIG PARTS INSIDE THEM?

- OH, YES, AND GRATEFUL TOO.

IT CAN MEAN THE DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN LIFE AND DEATH FOR SOME FOLKS.

- OH, MAN, THAT IS DISGUSTING.

HEADS UP.

NICE CATCH, DUDE.

SOME POOR, SICK BASTARD JUST DIED.

- JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU ASSHOLE!

- BREAK IT UP. BREAK IT UP.

I SAID BREAK IT UP, COME ON!

PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE NOW.

SIT DOWN.

- YOU'VE REACHED PAUL JAMISON.

PLEASE LEAVE A MESSAGE AT THE BEEP.

[beep]

- PAUL, YOU HAVE TO CALL ME BACK.

CALL ME BACK.

I NEED THAT INSURANCE INFORMATION.

YOU HAVE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME.

[sighs]

OW.

- UM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

- TRYING JUST TO GET A GODDAMN WATER.

FUCKING MACHINE.

- AM I SENSING JUST A LITTLE UNRESOLVED ANGER?

- I'M HAVING A BAD DAY, OKAY?

- APPARENTLY.

- MY INSURANCE IS FUCKED UP,

AND THEY'RE NOT GONNA LET ME START THE TREATMENT

UNTIL TOMORROW, AND IT IS FREAKING ME OUT.

- IT'S JUST A DAY.

- I KNOW IT'S JUST A DAY.

BUT WHAT IF TODAY IS THE DAY THAT TIPS THE SCALE?

I JUST--I WANTED TODAY TO GO SMOOTHLY.

I WAS SO EXCITED WHEN I WOKE UP,

AND NOW I JUST--

WHY CAN'T ANYTHING GO THE WAY IT'S SUPPOSED TO?

- OH, IT DID.

JUST DIDN'T GO THE WAY YOU WANTED IT TO.

YOU MAY BE A BRAVE BITCH,

BUT YOU CAN'T CONTROL THE UNIVERSE.

YOU'RE THE WATER, NOT THE ROCK.

- OH, JESUS, WHAT ARE YOU,

SOME KINDA GODDAMN BUDDHIST?

- [laughs]

I'LL USUALLY LEAVE OFF THE "GODDAMN" PART.

OH, SHIT. - WHAT?

- NURSE, CAN WE HAVE A LITTLE HELP?

- WHY ARE YOU CALLING THE NURSE?

- DON'T LOOK DOWN, BUT YOU'RE KINDA BLEEDING A LOT.

- OH, MY GOD.

- I SAID NOT TO LOOK DOWN.

- COME WITH ME, WE'LL GET YOU ALL CLEANED UP, OKAY?

- YEAH, I THINK I MIGHT--

- OH!

- HEY.

I MISSED YOU AT LUNCH.

- WASN'T HUNGRY.

- YOU DIDN'T END UP GETTING DETENTION, DID YOU?

I TOLD MR. INGVOLL THAT JUSTIN WAS BEING A TOTAL PRICK.

HE SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN MAKING FUN OF SICK PEOPLE

IN FRONT OF YOU.

I FELT SO BAD.

- I DON'T NEED PEOPLE FEELING BAD FOR ME.

- I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT.

I GET HOW HARD THIS IS WITH YOUR MOM.

YOU KNOW, I'M HERE IF YOU EVER WANT TO TALK.

- I DON'T, OKAY?

AND IF I DID, IT WOULDN'T BE WITH YOU.

- WHAT?

- I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU THINK,

BUT WE'RE NOT A COUPLE.

WE DID IT ONCE.

THAT'S IT. IT DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.

SO STOP CALLING ME AND LEAVING NOTES ON MY LOCKER

AND INVITING ME TO STUPID PARTIES,

BECAUSE I'M NOT INTO YOU.

- YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!

- DAMN, YOU'RE A CRUEL SON OF A BITCH.

WHAT DID YOU SAY TO THAT GIRL TO MAKE HER CRY LIKE THAT?

- GOD, YOU'RE ALWAYS IN MY FUCKING BUSINESS.

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.

- OR WHAT?

YOU'LL MAKE ME CRY TOO?

- YOU DONE NOW?

- I'D SAY MORE,

BUT LUCKY FOR YOU I'M AN ANGEL TODAY.

[children giggling distantly]

- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

- SEE, BUD?

THERE'S NOTHING TO BE AFRAID OF.

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A HAUNTED HOUSE.

- BABY ON FIRE!

BABY ON FIRE!

WAIT, WAIT, DON'T GO.

I HAVE CANDY.

- [boy crying]

- WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN ALL DAY?

DID YOU NOT GET ANY OF MY MESSAGES?

- I CALLED THE INSURANCE COMPANY ON THE WAY OVER.

THEY SHOULD BE FAXING THE FORM RIGHT NOW.

IS THAT FROM YOUR TREATMENT?

- NO.

I PUT MY HAND UP A VENDING MACHINE.

- WHAT?

- ACTUALLY I DON'T HAVE BANDAGES FROM MY TREATMENT,

BECAUSE I WASN'T ABLE TO START TODAY

THANKS TO YOU NOT RETURNING MY CALLS.

BUT I GUESS JEFF THE DOUCHE BAG

IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN MY CLINICAL TRIAL.

- I WAS BUSY GETTING FIRED.

I'M SORRY IF THAT DIDN'T FIT INTO YOUR FUCKING SCHEDULE.

- THEY FIRED YOU?

WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL ME?

- IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR TREATMENT?

YOU HAVE FUCKING CANCER, CATHY,

AND THAT PRETTY MUCH TRUMPS EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME.

- DO NOT ACT LIKE THIS IS MY FAULT,

BECAUSE IF YOU WANT TO TRADE PLACES WITH ME, BUDDY,

I'D BE GLAD TO DO IT.

- I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T MEAN IT LIKE THAT.

IT'S JUST EVERYTHING IS JUST SO FUCKED RIGHT NOW.

I MEAN, ISN'T IT ENOUGH THAT YOU HAVE CANCER?

NOW I GOTTA WORRY ABOUT FINDING A JOB

AND GETTING INSURANCE AGAIN.

HOW MUCH MORE SHIT CAN THEY PILE ON TOP OF OUR HEADS?

IT'S--IT'S--

IT'S LIKE WE'RE BEING PUNISHED OR SOMETHING.

- JUST MAKING SURE YOU GUYS CAN SEE ME, ALL RIGHT?

KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE ROAD, OKAY?

- FUCK YOU! - ASSHOLE!

- HEY.

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU TWO?

- I GOT FIRED.

- MY TREATMENT GOT SCREWED UP.

I CAN'T START TILL TOMORROW.

- OH, MAN, THAT SUCKS.

DO YOU WANT A BUTTERFINGER?

- I'D LOVE ONE.

- HEY. - HEY, SWEETHEART.

YOU GOING TRICK-OR-TREATING?

- UM, I THOUGHT ABOUT IT,

AND THEN I REALIZED I WAS 15.

SO NO.

- YOU USED TO LOVE HALLOWEEN.

- YEAH, WELL, NOW I HATE IT.

- THAT MAKES IT UNANIMOUS.

- IT'S ALL RIGHT.

I HAVE ENOUGH 'WEEN LOVE FOR ALL OF US.

[thumping]

- WHAT?

WHAT, MARLENE?

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME?

DO YOU WANT ME GONE?

THEN JUST SAY IT.

BECAUSE I DON'T UNDERSTAND "BUMP" AND "SWOOSH."

CRAZY OLD LADY.

[thumping continues]

YOU KNOW, I ACTUALLY HOPE YOU ARE REAL, MARLENE,

BECAUSE IF YOU ARE REAL,

THAT MEANS I'M NOT CRAZY,

AND THAT'S A GOOD THING,

'CAUSE I GOT A LOT OF PEOPLE

THAT I NEED TO BE SANE FOR RIGHT NOW.

I'M ACTUALLY--

I'M ACTUALLY BREAKING ONE OF MY RULES

BY TALKING OUT LOUD WITH NO ONE ELSE IN THE ROOM.

[thumping continues]

SO IF YOU ARE A REAL GHOST,

MARLENE, COULD YOU JUST DO ME A FAVOR

AND--AND GO TOWARD THE LIGHT OR WHATEVER.

JUST PLEASE DON'T STAY HERE.

I HAVE TO BE SANE, MARLENE.

PLEASE.

PLEASE LET ME BE SANE.

[thumping continues]

OH!

OH.

OH, ALL RIGHT, FLY AWAY.

GO ON.

FLY HOME.

FLY HOME, LITTLE OWL.

GET OUT.

FLY AWAY. FLY AWAY.

OH, THANK CHRIST.

[G. Love & Special Sauce's Heaven plays]

♪ ♪

- ♪ WHEN DID YOU FALL DOWN FROM HEAVEN ♪

- OKAY.

YOU'RE ALL SET.

- ♪ WERE YOU GONNA LET ME KNOW ♪

♪ THAT THERE'S AN ANGEL ♪

♪ AND SHE JUST MOVED IN NEXT DOOR ♪

♪ ♪

♪ WHEN DID YOU SAY GOOD-BYE TO HEAVEN ♪

♪ ♪

♪ AND LEAVE THOSE STARRY STARRY SKIES ♪

♪ ♪

♪ WHEN DID YOU LEAVE HEAVEN ♪

♪ SWEET ANGEL OF MINE ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I'M HOPING AND I'M PRAYING ♪

♪ LOVING ME WON'T MAKE YOU ♪

♪ FALL DOWN FROM GRACE ♪

♪ ♪

♪ YES I'M HOPING AND I'M PRAYING ♪

♪ THAT THE GOOD LORD DON'T TAKE YOU AWAY ♪

♪ YEAH AT LEAST NOT TODAY ♪

♪ ♪

♪ WHEN DID YOU RUN ON DOWN FROM HEAVEN ♪

♪ HOW'D THEY EVER LET YOU GO ♪

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