Original subtitles

Hi Steve, it's me, Roshanda. I just wanted to call you and

apologize because I'm sorry for what happened.

And I still love you.

I hope we can work it out.

Do you know?

Um... Okay, you know my number.

Just call me back.

Hey, Rashonda?

Thank you.

You okay?

I'm fine.

God damn it!

Has anyone seen Steven?

Um, I think he's in the office with Neiman.

All right, Jennifer, my feline friend. There you go, a large cold vanilla soda.

Um, I wanted a hot coffee.

Oh, uh, just put it in the microwave. You won't be able to tell the

Florence, good to see you today. Is Jennifer taking care of you?

Oh, she is.

Today is going to be the best day. Well, that's really good to hear. Really

great to hear. And you're looking great. Beautiful.

Beautiful, Florence.

Shonda, I took the liberty of getting you some donuts. Thank you, Jacob.

What is wrong with you? You look like you lost your dog or something. Can you

make me some more cupcakes?

Yeah. For tonight?

Miss Knighters. Shonda James, in my office now.

You may leave, Steven.

No, I want to see this.

Steven, you're dismissed.

The woman is a psychopath.

Go clean and sweep your station.

I have here your employee handbook.

Okay.

Is this your signature?

Can you read that for me, please?

Neiman's Barbershop is committed to providing its employees with a safe and

secure work environment.

In order to maintain our competitive edge, Neiman's Barbershop is equally

committed to maintaining an environment in which each employee can achieve

fulfillment and growth through work -related challenge and accomplishment.

Neiman's Barbershop employees further this objective.

Based in Los Angeles, California, Neiman's Barbershop... Skip to the

too. Any person who makes threats, exhibits threatening behavior, engages

violent acts, or sexually harasses...

Another employee shall be removed from the property.

Well?

Mr. Carl, I'm not sure what Steven told you.

Steven didn't tell me anything. It's what he showed me. He showed me text

messages, emails from our company computer.

Really? His wife? The things you send were crazy. She's going to sue us.

I'm sorry.

Look, I like you.

You're a good employee, but you bring in the numbers, but you're gone.

You're fired.

You made me do this. No, I didn't make you do this.

Your parents made you do this. Or whatever psycho that inserted his penis

your orifices made you do this. Either way, I don't give a shit.

Guys, can you please not do this in here while I'm trying to work?

No way. You won't even give a crap about people to you.

I gave my heart to you. What did you do to just stomp all over it? All I wanted

was for somebody to value me, to love me, and reciprocate my love.

You ruined my life, Riconda.

My wife is leaving me because you can't keep your fucking mouth shut. With your

calls and your emails and your stalking and your crazy psycho shit.

Just get the fuck out of here.

Seriously. Just go disappear and fucking die.

Alright?

You make me do this.

I'm going to call the police.

Get out of here, Roshanda.

Don't come back to the barber shop either.

Yo, just call the cops.

Hi.

Hi, horny ginger slut.

Hi, how are you?

Yeah, dude.

Thanks for the tip, Father Lee. Stick 54.

Hi, Harold Loves Cock.

How are you?

No.

I only show in private. I don't understand.

Hi, Rebecca 26.

Thank you for the tip.

How are you?

I'm good. Good to see you.

Looking sexy, I hope. I don't know, did you get your microphone fixed yet?

My favorite follower. Everybody say hi to Big Beautiful Chocolate.

Hi, how's everything?

Did you get everything worked out at work?

No, I got fired.

You got fired?

Oh, no.

How'd that happen?

Stalking, really?

The Steven dude again?

What did I tell you? He's no good for you.

No. I am the only person that you need to be stalking, okay?

Oh, thanks for the tip, FrostyPussy19.

No, I only show in private. None of you fucking read my bio and I...

I don't understand why. Read the fucking bio.

Thank you.

Oh.

Okay. I have to go in private.

I'll be back. Okay? So everybody stay online.

Big Beautiful Chocolate, you stay online, alright?

Okay.

No, I told you that's not right. You have to turn on the bot first.

It's the one called Wildy Ticket, not Frisky Ticket.

I turned the bot on, but it isn't showing ticket prices.

How are they supposed to know how much the tickets cost? Because you rang the

wrong bot.

Thank you. Thank you.

Here, back, back. Let me do it.

Here's what you gotta do.

Just click this, and then you just hit enter.

No. No.

What happened? You just exited the bot. Now everybody that paid for a ticket

lost it.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Hey, is that from...

Big Beautiful Chocolate's here.

What's up, Big Beautiful Chocolate?

You see I'm wearing the necklace you got me?

I love it. Thank you.

Hey, Big Beautiful, want to be our moderator again? We're having problems

Thank you for the tip.

I'll sing for you a little bit.

You're welcome, guys.

Big Beautiful Chocolate.

What rhymes with chocolate?

I don't know, I don't know, but I love Big Beautiful.

Yeah, she's so beautiful, like a soft cuticle.

She's so beautiful, like a cuticle.

There you go.

Well, hey there, Rambo.

Hi, Jacob.

Hi, Jake.

Hey. Ooh, are these mine? They look really good.

Thank you. Will you help me put them in the container?

Totally.

So, uh, you went Bruce Lee on Steven, I heard, huh?

Oh, uh, you guys want to hear a joke?

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?

I don't know. What did she say?

Gulp?

Get it?

Come on, give me a high five.

I think we need to hurry up because I actually have to go run some more

and do things.

Wait a minute, I'm going to text you these two numbers.

One is my psychic, Viola Fisk.

Psychic? Dude, she is on point. She helped me out with a lot of stuff when I

dealing with my last breakup.

So talk to her about your shit.

She will help you.

And then you know my other office job that I work part -time at?

Okay, well I texted you Demetri's number. He is my boss there.

I told him that you would call him about a job.

Don't mention that you got fired from the barbershop.

I just made up that we know each other from yoga.

Yoga?

The only yoga Jacob knows is the Greek yoga in his fridge.

Seriously.

This guy's got jokes.

Cleaning is really not going to pay all the bills, so.

It's fine. Don't mention it.

We got to look out for each other, right?

Call him.

Later, Gator.

Go.

What do you want?

Hi. My friend said that you could help me. He gave me your card.

What do you want from me? Who sent you?

Jacob.

Jacob Bisbee?

Roshanda, yeah. Jacob Bisbee.

Nice guy.

Talkative. Nice.

Roshanda James.

What are you doing outside?

Come on in.

Come on.

I want to have a seat and I'll go fix us some drinks.

Find something, Tiff?

Um, no, no. I was just texting Jacob to let him know that I was here.

You know what? Can I borrow this?

No. Some of those are really dangerous. You shouldn't even be touching them.

Here's your soda.

Now what can I do for you?

Jacob said you were having a bad day.

I don't even know where to start.

That's quite all right.

Do you want me to give you a reading?

A reading with magic cards?

Yes.

I've never done one of those, so I suppose that would be fine.

I need you to shuffle the cards.

I don't know how to shuffle.

It's quite all right here.

Now I need to cut the deck in three.

We have lots of men.

Me?

Wish I had even one.

No, not like that.

I see you surrounded by lots of men.

I don't... I don't know what you're reading, but that's not... No, it's

something very different.

I see you surrounded by lots of men.

You're hiding something from them.

You know, I just want to be loved for who I truly am.

I want to start a family one day.

Um, but the men, they just kind of, um... They don't... No, I'm too ugly.

too plain. I just... You know, um...

Viola?

Viola!

I'm starting to see it.

What? What do you see?

The box you're about to open.

You took something from me.

Okay, well, we desperately need somebody, and you come highly

Jacob. He said that you do yoga together?

Yes, that's how we know each other.

Well, believe it or not, I'm a yoga lover myself. I started five months ago,

I've lost 40 pounds.

What's your favorite pose?

I can't remember.

It's definitely the one where you're on the floor and your knees.

A downward dog.

Yes.

Downward dog.

Well, that's nice.

Can you start now?

Do you want me to do here or downward dog? No, can you start work now?

Yes.

Yes, I can start right now.

Hi, I'm Jonah.

I'm Trevor.

Dimitri asked me to come give you some work. Do you mind scanning and entering

these documents into your computer?

The folder is marked week thick.

Got it.

Gotcha. Thank you.

Gotcha.

I'm not even there.

He's completely oblivious to my existence.

I even try to make time for him, and he's always too busy.

At least he can live in that huge mansion.

Yeah, but I don't care about that. Yeah, but he's your dad.

I mean, that's reason enough to love him.

You know what the odds are of being conceived?

So fucking what, dude? I don't care about statistics or who that person is.

Anybody can have a kid.

Actions speak louder than words, bro.

Yeah, I mean, I hear you.

But you don't know what it does to me as a human being to have a father like

that.

Can I sit here?

No.

Berlin, don't be a dick. I was joking, but that seat is taken.

It's not taken. You can sit here.

This is James.

Nice to meet you. I'm James.

We covered that.

And this douche next to you is Berlin.

Cool name.

I'm Roshanda.

What are you eating?

It is a leftover casserole from yesterday.

Smells like a tuna took a shit and spread cheese all over it.

Dude. What is your problem?

So, uh, how are those contracts coming along?

Oh, fine.

Thank you for asking.

I'm almost done.

James, you owe me $5.

Jacob, what up, man?

Alcoholics, but I'm excited.

You steal the deal. No. I did.

Congratulations on the slice. That's awesome.

Oh, yeah.

Hey.

Poo -sa, poo -sa, go, go!

Poocha, poocha, go, go.

Yeah. I don't understand.

You are the man.

Oh, man. Well, what can I say? Actually, it was because of Roshanna's cupcake.

Wait, Roshanna, you're working here already.

That was quick.

You know her? Yeah, yeah. I got her the job here. Her cupcakes are the bomb

.com. Now they taste like her casserole smells.

Berlin, your break was over an hour ago.

I was just showing Trevor a text message.

And Jacob and James, we got Mr. Figgs on line four for that conference call.

He's been waiting for 10 minutes.

I need you out there now taking care of it. We are on it. Okay. Oh, yeah,

Trevor. Yeah. Yeah, I need your picture for the top earner's board. Sure. To get

you over there. Absolutely.

Okay. And, yeah, right there. Perfect. And get a nice big smile. Great. And

gotcha.

Roshanda.

Yes? Yeah.

I need your picture for the employee yearbook.

Me picture? No.

It's mandatory, Roshanda. We need you to be the team player here.

Well, yeah, right next to Trevor here. Yeah, it'll look good.

Okay. One, two, three.

Perfect. And one more for good luck.

I think we look good together.

Don't you?

Well, good.

Hey, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to our channel.

I'm LaHolland. I'm T -Power.

And I'm John.

So you want us to show you how to dance? You want to have the moves to be the

top of any party? You want to impress that certain special someone at the

Well, we're going to show you. So fasten your seatbelts because we're going to

take you on a freedom ride.

Because in the ride of life, freedom ride is the way to go.

Yes. Remember to hit that like button and that follow button. And for all you

webcam model lovers out there, follow me on LiveModelsForYou .com.

And remember,

the key to being a good dancer is to be yourself and let the music flow through

you. Music flows in waves through your body. You've got to be in tune.

Swim to the right.

Swim to the left. One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four. Swim to the right.

Trevor. Rolanda.

Hey. Hey. Roshanda.

Roshanda. Roshanda. I'm so sorry.

What's up?

Ta -da. I made you these.

You made me cupcakes.

Yeah.

Every month I just decide to do something nice for someone and something

special. So I figured since you're the first person that I met here in the

office, I'd pick you.

I hope that's... Doesn't sound strange.

Wasn't Dimitri the first person you met, though? And you know Jacob.

I mean, yes.

I was just saying the first person is not my boss or Jacob.

Oh, okay.

Well, thank you.

De nada.

Bon appetit.

Hey, Roshanda.

Hey. Dimitri said to get you to make 50 copies of these and put them on Trevor's

desk. Sure.

And I don't know if you're free tonight, but we're having a small employee party

at my place, and you should come.

Is Trevor going to be there?

Yeah, I mean, he's the only person that I know besides Jacob.

And now you.

He probably will, but even if he's not, it would be a good opportunity for you

to get to know everybody else.

I'm Cindy, by the way.

Rashonda. Oh, right.

Rashonda. Sorry.

I know.

See you tonight.

Yeah.

Black Widow Cream.

This spell will change your appearance into a beautiful, young, desirous woman

for any man that sees you.

This spell only changes your appearance before males.

And your appearance will not change before females, okay?

Love spells.

Complete the spell, and if you... If you don't complete the spell, you will die

in six days from the... Let's see.

We gotta stop meeting like this.

Wait, so what happened with Viola? She said you spooked her.

We were talking.

And she just started screaming at me.

Do you believe in magical spells?

Magical spells?

Yeah.

Viola has this book of spells in her house. They're like little cut -out, I

guess. Maybe they come from other books or something.

But it's like a spell, and if you read it, then it will turn you into a

beautiful woman for all men.

Oh, yeah.

I'm really aware of that spell.

That's the spell where you take us out and we all get drunk on tequila.

I'm sorry.

I know you're serious about this.

Elaborate more on the spell, please.

You have to put a doll's head into a bowl and then you say the words in the

over the bowl.

Then you're supposed to be beautiful to all men.

What? Yeah.

Well, it only lasts for about two hours.

It could last a lifetime if you had the rest of the spell, but I didn't see the

rest of the spell because when I was sitting there trying to copy, I mean,

I was reading the spell, I just didn't see the rest of it.

That is some evil, demonic shit.

A more beautiful woman?

Come on.

It's not demonic. It just makes you beautiful to all men.

But to women, I still look like me.

So it's sexist and demonic.

Make you a beautiful woman. You are a beautiful black woman.

No, I'm not. All black women are beautiful.

Yes, you are.

Not this black woman. Hey, you're just overthinking that. I don't have any

friends anyway.

Well, are you going to Cindy's work party tonight?

Is Trevor going to be there?

Well, I guess. Well, you like him now?

Seems nice.

See, this is what I was telling you about, Drake.

Roshanda friendzoned me a long time ago because she is only into dating white

guys. Really?

Don't get any ideas.

I'm not only into dating white guys. You are always chasing these preppy white

dudes. Don't you like your own race, Roshanda?

Yes, I... I'm not always into... I'm not only into dating white guys, it's

just... Zach Morris was my first crush when I was a kid. I'm just trying to

my Zach Morris.

Well, why couldn't you find Lisa Turtle? She was perfect and black. Why don't

you find her?

Because Lisa is not a guy, Jacob.

So?

Why are we even having this conversation right now?

You know what? It's not like I'll end up with anybody anyway. I won't end up

with Zach. I won't end up with Lisa.

I'm just too weird.

I'm going to end up alone. I'm going to die with no husband and family. Come on.

Look, you're a nice person, Rashonda.

Look, I'm sorry, okay? If you like dating white guys, you like dating white

guys. Some people like vanilla ice cream.

Some people like chocolate.

I like chocolate.

I'm ugly.

Like a spider.

No, you're not.

Oh! You know who is like a spider? I was watching this crime show last night. A

serial killer is like a spider.

Because there are these little monsters who lure their victims into their webs

and then they kill them. And they were saying how on a universal level...

A spider's purpose is to keep the insect population down, so on a universal

level, is a serial killer's purpose to keep the human population down?

Now, I heard that if a spider was the size of a small dog, that the human

population goes extinct.

Oh, you guys have to go.

I have to go to the grocery store.

You're mad at us. No, I just remembered I have to do something.

All right, well, thank you for the cupcakes.

Oh, we should go to the work party tonight. Do you want to go? I can't.

work. See you, Roshonda.

To start the spell, place a doll's head in a bowl and recite the

incantation.

You will now appear as beautiful.

You will now appear as a beautiful young woman for the next three hours.

After three hours, the spell will be broken until you begin phase two of the

spell.

Only in private, FatherStick54.

No, get tokens then.

What do I care? You're a gray.

Hello, Rebecca26.

Good to see you again. How are you?

Yeah, thanks for the ti - Oh, Big Beautiful Chocolate!

Oh, how are you?

I'm good.

Everyone say hi, Big Beautiful Chocolate.

She's the best.

Oh, thank you for the tip. You're the best, baby.

Turn on your webcam for me.

Wow. Wow. Okay.

Hi. You just made my day with all that sexiness going on over there. Good lord,

girl. What do you mean, me?

Yeah.

Me?

You friends with Big Beautiful?

I guess she told you about me.

You guys friends or roommates or something along those lines?

No.

Yeah, no, no.

I mean, you're confused. I'm confused.

I just... I just

want you to come over to Australia.

That's big, beautiful glass up here.

You're a goddess.

Thanks. I'm okay.

Watch your dog.

Walk your dog.

No, it's okay. Thanks.

How's it going?

Good. Thanks for asking.

Where are you going?

I had to get a breath of fresh air.

It was really hot in my room.

Do you need company?

No, I'm okay.

Talk to me. I'm a promoter at the club. If you come in tonight, I can get you in

for free.

Bring some of your girlfriends.

Free bottles for you.

And VIP.

That's very nice.

Thank you, maybe.

What time?

Door's open in a couple hours.

A couple hours?

If you're free now, I can treat you to dinner.

But Trevor, Trevor's not going to see me like this in a couple of hours.

I have to go. Thank you.

party, but there's still some of us here.

I love your hair.

Thank you so much. I just got it done.

I didn't think anyone else noticed.

Oh, my goodness.

You said that Trevor was going to be here, right? Yes, he's here. Come on in.

Oh, I'm not really in the mood to party tonight.

You know, I'm just... So, Trevor, could you maybe bring him outside for me?

Rosanda, you're not going to get to know anyone by only talking to Trevor.

Now, you're already here, so come in and have some fun.

Mingle a little. Get...

Wait, before we go in there, can you just please call me Ro?

Sure. Instead of Rashonda.

Sure. You got it. Now, come on.

Everyone, this is Ro.

For those of you who haven't met her at work yet, she's new.

So be nice to her.

Hi, I'm Anna.

This is my boyfriend, Dustin.

Hi. Wow,

you're breathtaking.

Thank you.

I'm Berlin, and trust me, you are pleased to be here. God.

Don't be fooled, he's actually a really cool guy.

But I'm a lot cooler, though. My name is Jacob. You're really beautiful.

Thank you.

Wait, don't the three of you already know each other?

Now,

this party looks like it's a lot of fun. What did I miss?

Um, we've just been going around discussing everyone's talents.

So far we learned that Dustin is an artist and Anna is double -jointed.

What's your talent?

I don't really have any talent.

You're good at being drop -dead gorgeous.

What? Come on, Ro. Everyone has at least one talent.

I'm good at math. I can add things very, you know, big numbers in my head fast.

Really? Yeah.

What's... 8 ,477 times 41.

347 ,557.

I'll just take your word for it. Jacob, what's your skill?

Oh, oh.

All right, Berlin, your turn.

What's your talent?

You're going to have to give me a little room.

Everyone, please step back.

Thank you.

Did you like that, bro? Do you like my muscles? Here, feel my bicep. Oh, my

Give it a rest, Berlin.

Well, let's go get you a drink.

Oh, no, you don't.

What?

Come on, drink.

Come here.

Stop talking and take a shot. Shot, shot, shot, shot.

All right, all right.

Oh, my God.

Burn.

or something. Wait, has anyone seen Trevor?

What the fuck do you need to see Trevor for when I'm right here? Wait, you're

right. Where is Trevor?

He went on a beer run. He'll be right back.

My jam plane.

He didn't like the dance.

When the last...

Hi, I'm Trevor.

I know.

Thank you.

You know, bro, I've been asking for you. You two should go somewhere and talk.

No!

Yeah, of course we're not.

Do you have a room?

Bindi, what the hell?

Yeah, nothing, Bindi.

What? She obviously likes him.

So you've got to cough up the rest of us on his behalf?

Yeah.

Actually, I'm kind of terrible at this.

I don't think there's a type of person that would be bad at anything.

I'm just taking it back.

Wait, what time is it?

Ten point?

Oh my gosh, five minutes.

Huh? I have to leave in five minutes. I have to go.

I'm so sorry.

Can I... Do you want to be my boyfriend? Can I kiss you?

Yes, all the above.

Yeah.

I'm so sorry. I have to go.

Don't go forget to call me. Yes, I will.

Yeah.

Remember me the guy 15 minutes ago? Yeah, Jacob. I really have to go. Do you

remember my name? Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nice meeting you.

Roshanda? Yes. Um, can you hurry?

I'm really in a hurry.

Now, can you marry me real quick?

Um, no. Seriously, I'm in a hurry. Can you drive fast, please? I can go the

speed limit according to Kruber B. rules.

Um, that's fine. Just please go.

In the actual fuck?

What's going on? What happened?

You were... I thought... You thought what?

I don't... Wait!

I don't know what just happened man, but I think you need to get out of my car.

How much longer are we going to have to wait?

I have class in an hour and it's all the way in Azusa, so I'm going to be late.

Um, you know, I'll just... I'll give you 20 bucks, just a little bit longer. I

could have made 20 bucks by other rides by now.

Oh, no.

Okay, what about 100 bucks? Hmm? Just a little bit longer.

What have we been waiting for? We've been sitting here for two hours.

Why does your phone keep going off?

I don't know.

Boss. Laura.

Aren't you at work?

I quit.

All right, well, fine. Just as long as it doesn't take too much longer. I have

to be... What?

What? What? What? Put your head down. Put your head down. Ma 'am, are we about

to get shot? No, no, no, no, no.

Okay,

wait. Can you wait for me here a little bit longer? Just a little bit longer.

No, no, ma 'am. I'll give you another hundred bucks.

I'll give you another hundred bucks.

Okay, hurry up.

God, I do not feel all right about this.

No.

Yeah, okay, but hurry.

What are you doing in my house?

What are we doing here again?

I need answers.

And Viola said this is how you do it.

I thought you didn't read all of Viola's book.

I didn't. I went to her house and I took it.

You stole it?

Rashana, you are making our people look bad. Quiet.

I have to read this.

And if you hear anything, just write it on this piece of paper.

What am I supposed to hear?

I don't know.

If you do hear anything, though, just write it down.

Okay?

Octor.

Voco.

Nigris.

Spiritus. Nigris? That better not be racist. Quiet!

Putara.

Vidiri.

Cupio.

Did you hear that?

Hear what?

What did you hear? Someone slammed the door. Is there someone else in the

No. I don't hear anything.

Someone is coming down the stairs.

Who are you?

I didn't hear anything.

I hear someone coming down the stairs.

Whoever it is, tell me who you are!

Give me a pin! Give me a pin!

What does that mean?

You've been watching me.

You know what I want. Can you give it to me?

Yes.

What do I have to do now?

Sacrifice.

Sacrifice.

Sick souls.

Six days.

What if I can't do that?

Six souls.

Six days.

For your soul, we will take.

I'll lock your eyes to belial your cunt,

to moment your heart, to mulsidor your

breath.

You stay the fuck away from me, Rashonda. You are fucked up.

I'm being rude.

Would you like some water?

Yeah, I'd love some water.

I'll be right back.

Thanks. I'm Flip, by the way.

I'm Roshanda.

It's nice to meet you.

Well?

I'm not doing that.

Why not?

Because it's emasculating. How is it emasculating?

Really.

You'll be in control the whole time.

You're in control. Maybe if we switch positions?

Don't be a Neanderthal.

I graduated at the top of my class. I have an IQ of 142.

Why are you here then?

You know why I'm here.

There's fun and variety.

Just, you know, leave your comfort zone and try new things.

Look, I get it. We're kind of on the same level. You might be a little bit

weird. But we're not debating the positions. I'm not doing that.

What's your favorite dessert?

What?

Your favorite dessert. What is it?

Strawberry cheesecake.

Wow.

I have your strawberry cheesecake.

And it's really good.

But before you get any strawberry cheesecake, I need my root beer float.

So, if I give you your root beer float, I get my strawberry cheesecake.

Yeah. And I get my strawberry cheesecake just how I like it.

Because I like the strawberry cheesecake nice and hard.

Mm -hmm.

All right.

You're on.

What are you doing?

I'm making sure that I'm doing this right.

You haven't even done this before?

This is definitely emasculating. You've had your fun now. Is it my turn yet?

Almost.

Black widow spirit, I summon thee.

Grant me the guise of beauty.

The second phase, it shall not stay. For seven days, I'll look this way.

Hey, Ro.

You should have told me you weren't driving. I would have given you a ride.

Oh, no, don't worry about it. My car just broke down a couple days ago, and

those crew reviews are just so cheap and convenient lately, so... You sound like

an advertisement for them.

Oh, sorry.

No, it's cute. I like it.

Wow, you look incredible.

Thank you.

You have me all flustered. I must be blushing like a chocolate cherry.

A chocolate cherry?

Oh, nothing.

Are you ready to go to our spot?

Yeah, let's go. All right, let's go.

You weren't at work today.

I quit.

You quit?

Why? Wasn't it your first day?

If I told you, you wouldn't believe me.

Try me.

Well, you know that other girl.

The one that used to work there?

Yeah. The one that worked there? Roshanda. Yeah.

Well,

I'm her, and I made myself look like this so you'd like me.

And I quit because, well, I didn't want to draw any undue attention, so... You

cragged me up real.

So, what was that other person like, Roshanda?

I mean, she was nice.

She was Jacob's friend.

So would you ever date her?

Rashonda? No.

Why not? You said she was really nice.

She is really nice, but she's just not my type.

Because she's black?

Because she's black?

No.

Maybe. I mean, I think my mom would have a problem with it, but me?

No, I think all races are beautiful.

Believe it or not, I actually used to have a huge crush on Deanna Ross when I

was younger. Really?

My dad used to make us sit down and watch her. It drove my mom crazy.

I think to this day she's the reason why I like women with long hair so much.

So you don't like Roshanda because she doesn't have long hair?

I mean, why are you so inquisitive about Roshanda?

Are you two friends or something?

No, no, I was just... I was just wondering.

My sights are on someone else, actually.

A very beautiful girl named Ro.

What's wrong?

Oh, nothing. It's just so beautiful out here at the city.

Yeah. Yeah, it is.

There's a lot of history out here.

In fact, you see over there?

It's a cemetery.

It's where Michael Jackson's body is buried.

Oh, wait. I didn't know that.

So that's where, like, Walt Disney and Clark Campbell is buried and that one

Casablanca guy.

Humphrey Bogart. Oh, yeah.

Phase two. To stay a beautiful woman for the rest of your natural life, you must

recite the incantation and then kill six men in six days.

After you kill the first male, the spell will once again begin. You must then...

Kill the remaining males by the sixth day, or you will die on that day.

Upon killing all six males, you will then be as a beautiful woman before all

for the rest of your natural life, and you will have the power to wield death

with your hands.

I haven't even heard a fly with my hands kill.

What kind of spell is this?

Hi, I'm Detective Harkin. This is Detective Mooney. Hello there.

Hi.

Is Roshanda James here?

I'm Roshanda James.

You're Roshanda James?

Yes, I am.

Ma 'am, may we see your ID?

Um, yeah, sure. One second.

Ma 'am.

How old are you?

Doesn't it say on my ID?

Do you live here alone?

Yes, I do.

Can I ask what this is about, Detective?

A Miss Viola Fisk?

Reporter Robert at your house yesterday, she described a person as a tall, slim

African -American woman named Rashonda James.

She has your phone number, and we traced that to your address.

I think you have the wrong Rashonda James.

Ma 'am, she has your phone number.

Um, maybe she looked up the wrong Rashonda James in the white peaches.

Perhaps she should have looked in the black peaches.

That's not funny.

There seems to be some sort of mix -up here.

I'm sorry to waste your time. Thank you very much, Mrs. James.

Thank you, detective.

This is my card.

Just if you want to get a drink.

You feel free to use that number, okay?

Thank you.

Hi.

My name is Roche... Clementine.

And I am looking...

to give you the time of your life.

Are you Clementine? Yes.

You must be Terry. I am. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

Aren't you a sweet one?

Yes, I absolutely love your accent.

Thanks.

So, uh, picnic, huh?

Yes, I've always wanted to set up a picnic and make love in the woods.

I'm about to mark it off my bucket list.

Well, no complaints here.

I'm just glad you picked me.

Can't say I've ever done anything quite like this.

Me neither.

So, uh, where do we go? Just anywhere in the woods?

No, I already picked a really nice secluded spot for us.

And I just came this way so I could lead you to our spot.

Is it weird I'm a bit nervous?

No, don't be nervous. I'm the girl that's about to walk in the woods with a

complete stranger.

True.

You're just too good to be true.

You're so sweet. And you're really cute.

And nice muscles, too. Thank you.

So, shall we go?

So, how far away is this spot?

Um, it's just right over here, come this way.

Stick your tongue out.

More.

That's all.

That's good.

What is it?

It's called a jug turkey.

I learned it from my sorority party.

You're supposed to chug it.

You're not going to chug yours?

No, I'm a lady.

Once at a time.

So what else are you good at?

I feel like we're in a porno. What else are you good at?

So do I.

And it's awesome.

You're so funny.

You said the nicest things.

Thank you.

So, what do you want to do now?

Give me a few minutes.

I can go again.

Don't worry.

I can go again.

It's freezing out here.

What did you do to me?

I was in that drink.

Mom, where did you say you put your crappies?

You are super early.

Is that my brother's jacket?

Uh, yeah.

Oh, you look fantastic.

Oh, thank you.

I'd rather eat you instead.

You ready for dinner?

Well, about that, I actually just had dinner with your family.

What? Yeah, your mom texted me earlier and told me to come to dinner early and

not tell you because she had a surprise for you.

But when I got there, you weren't there.

I think she was just trying to get to know me better.

I arrived there early, like your mom asked. And your brother had opened the

and said, You look stunning.

And I said, Thank you. I brought some dessert.

Then he kissed me on the cheek.

Then your mom said,

You must be Ro.

So, you're dating?

My son. Your brother, Tristan, said, Mom, don't start tonight.

I'm not starting anything.

I'm just surprised.

From your description, I expected... I didn't expect Oprah to walk in the door.

And your brother was like, Mother, I don't know what you're getting at, but

could you please knock it off?

And then your mom said, I'm joking.

I love Oprah.

And your brother said, Mother, can I actually speak to you in the kitchen in

private for a minute?

Your father was looking at me like I was... I have no idea why.

Your dad, Jackson.

God, you're beautiful.

I'll tell you what.

Why don't you take this?

Get yourself something nice.

You're also going to take my card.

I'm not asking you to take that.

My card.

Now you call me.

Anytime. Day or night.

That's my private stuff.

I'm going to kill him.

Don't be upset, seriously.

Do you want to come to my place?

You know I do.

Okay.

Let's go.

I can't believe it, right? Chocolate chicken squeegee.

Hilarious.

Are you expecting someone?

No, I'm not.

Wait here.

Okay.

May I help you?

I'm Detective Moody. I'm here to speak with Miss James.

What is this regarding?

It's a little late, don't you think?

It's okay, Trevor. You can let him in.

Miss James.

Why is it that I am having to see you for the second time this week?

I was just asking myself the same thing.

Looks like you're writing solo.

Where's your partner?

I'll ask the questions, Miss James.

No, I think we'll ask the questions.

You and I need to have a little chat down at the station for some

Some questioning?

For what? This is ridiculous.

We'll discuss that at the station. You can't do that.

Looks like I just did, Ginger.

I said take your hand off.

Back off, Ginger, or I'll pull you in on assault and obstruction.

Assault and obstruction.

I will give you a reason to arrest me for assault and obstruction.

Guys, stop. It's okay.

Trevor, this looks like a very little mistake.

Look, I know my rights.

and you can't take me to the station when I haven't done anything wrong.

done anything wrong?

I am done playing games with you, Miss James.

Now we can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way, where I arrest

you both right now for whatever I want.

Where's Detective Harkins, the well -behaved blonde one?

Isn't he supposed to be here right now? He's off duty, and I'm going to be the

one asking the questions tonight.

Why are you trying to get me all alone, Detective Mooney? Miss James?

You and I both know why I came to your apartment tonight, and it has nothing to

do with my partner.

All right, enough. I am sick of this.

Had enough.

It's okay, Trevor. It's fine.

No, Ro, it's not okay.

Who are you? What is your name? I'm Detective Pratt.

Detective Pratt. Well, your idiot partner, colleague, whatever he is, came

Ro's house and threatened to take us both in if we didn't cooperate.

And we have done nothing wrong.

Nothing.

No, I want to talk to your sergeant, your boss, or whoever you two report to.

And I want some answers.

Sing it in! Come on!

Aww.

He wants some answers.

Are you having a hard time tonight?

Maybe I can offer you tissues or perhaps a blanket.

Fuck you.

Let's all calm down.

Mr... Valmont. Trevor Valmont.

Mr. Valmont.

Detective Monet just has some questions he wants to ask to your client.

She is not my client. She's my girlfriend.

You are not her lawyer?

No. What is wrong with you people?

What is wrong?

He refused to leave.

Mr. Barnum, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to wait outside.

No, I'm not going anywhere. Not until I get some answers.

It's okay, Trevor.

I think they have me mixed up with...

Some woman who's been robbing houses. I don't know.

I'll explain it later when we go back to my place.

All right, fine.

I'll be right outside, okay?

Mm -hmm.

All right.

That's enough.

Detectimone? I gave you the floor.

Nesro Shonda James.

Is your, uh, email bigbeautifulchocolate39 at frontmail

Big beautiful what?

No. That's not your email.

No.

Your IP address is linked to this account. I don't know what to tell you.

not my email address.

Okay.

Do you recognize this man?

No. You never met him before?

I don't know him, so the answer would be no.

You've never emailed?

You feel like a son. I have never seen that person before.

So then it comes as a surprise to you to find out that he's been emailing you

many times.

And today you reported the missing.

Yes.

Okay.

What about... this?

I don't know him.

Well, apparently, he didn't pick up his daughter from school today.

And now his wife is worried sick.

He also didn't show up to his job, and this man's never missed a day of work.

That sounds terrible, but I don't know what that has to do with me. It's just

that his wife gave me access to his computer.

He's been emailing your ID address.

This is scaring me.

Because I have no idea who these two men are. I have not been emailing them.

Okay? I don't know them. Do you have any stalkers? What woman doesn't have

stalkers these days?

I'm not sure.

Maybe somebody was following me and they did something.

So you wouldn't mind letting us have access to your phone records?

Well, I could, if you had a warrant.

I don't find this very funny, Detective.

Miss James, have you ever heard the phrase, where there's smoke, there's

Well, you are smoking like a chimney.

Now I can.

I can't see the fire.

But I see and smell the smoke.

So I know there's a fire.

Now you may have your little ginger boyfriend fooled with your blonde hair.

Little glances in your good look.

But I see right through you.

Detective.

Things that you have your records out of order.

I have never robbed anyone.

And I have nothing to do with the disappearance of these two men.

Ay, Dios mío, ya mientes.

Es crecer a hablar en español cuando estás con dos personas de inglés.

Es grosero insultar mi inteligencia mintiéndome a la cara. No estoy

Huele a una bruja.

Estás disfrazada.

What did you just say?

What just happened?

I love you.

And I know we'll be together.

You showed me who you were today in that interrogation.

I knew I made the right choice and

we can get through this.

You believe me, don't you?

You look so serious.

Hey there, you.

Archie Bowen.

Hi, I'm real.

I'm surprised you're real. I thought you were fake. And the photos you sent were

so hot.

I actually thought one of my friends was pulling a prank on me.

Well, I feel pretty real to me.

You're going to feel real real to me too.

How about we get some drinks?

Want a cookie?

That's too much sugar for me.

Oh, don't be a bore. Live a little. Hey, I can have sugar after workout.

Do you want to help me work out a little bit?

What?

Come here.

Okay.

You're light.

Like a feather?

Yes. I can do this all day.

Why don't you sit down?

I'm good again.

Is that the game?

Whoa.

A fun game?

Here, have this cookie.

Mmm.

My muffler thanking you for replenishing them.

Mm -hmm.

Check this.

That's alcohol? You know I don't drink alcohol.

No, pussy.

There should be only one pussy in here.

Is that you? That smells like a pussy, Archie.

All right, all right. I can't see it. Give me the drink.

Good boy.

That's a good boy.

Did I ever tell you about that time I was dating a nun?

No, Richard. You didn't tell me what happened.

She kept taking all her clothes off, and when I asked her why, she said, bad

habit.

I can't feel my foot. No laughs, no joking. Let's focus.

Okay?

Serious time. Excuse me?

Yes. Hi. Could you point me to the direction of Richard and Casey?

Hey, Richard.

Why is the gym so stupid?

I don't know, Casey. Why?

Because it's full of dumbbells.

The next house over?

On the second floor.

Which way? That way. Okay, thanks.

No problem.

How do you two come up with your muscles?

I mean, your funny jokes.

What's the process of coming up with them?

He's so in love with Casey.

Can't blame him.

But they're both straight. He's wasting his time.

Are you lost?

Hello?

Hello? No.

You look lost.

I'm not lost. Why are you dressed like a school teacher?

Are you sure you're not lost?

Newman's Elementary is off Figueroa.

You made it.

I did.

You look great.

Thank you.

What's your poison?

Uh, what do you mean?

Your drink of choice. I'll pour you one.

She's lost right here.

Uh, would you like to buy some of our art? Uh, maybe.

Well, that's it. Party's over. We're gonna sell some of our art.

You wanna hang out later?

No.

Whatever. Let's go.

My name is Drew.

You're buying some art from them?

Mm -hmm.

You know, I'm a sculptor myself.

Perhaps I can get your number and I could show you some of my work.

Yeah, maybe.

It was nice to meet you. You too.

Thanks for responding to Rad Online.

Thanks for having me.

Thank you very much. Tell me what you think.

Oh, it's good.

Very good.

It's very sweet.

Ugh.

Hey, I thought you all left.

Oh, we did. But we came back.

It can't take so long for you to buy some art.

Oh, we were just taking our time. They all got so tired they fell asleep.

They're asleep?

Now?

Um, yeah.

I'm so sorry. I feel like I ruined whatever you guys were trying to do.

You really did.

I should probably go.

Would you like to hang out for a while until they wake up?

You and I could talk about my sculptures.

I would love to, but I really have to go somewhere. But thank you guys so much.

She was really weird.

I'm Frank Buffett with MinkBC News.

If you were just joining us, we've received news that three students have

murdered at a USC fraternity house.

We have Jan Johnson at the crime scene right now.

Let's switch over to her.

Police have ruled the deaths as homicides. This is due to the nature of

deaths and a 911 call that was placed.

With me right now, I have USCU student Ruby Marone, who placed the 911 call.

She suspects that the perpetrator poisoned the cookies that the victims

Will you tell us what you witnessed?

Yeah, we were just hanging out, and this suspicious woman came over with a plate

of cookies, and everybody that ate the cookies died.

We tried to chase her, but she made it to her car and sped off.

We couldn't quite make out the plates, but she was driving a green SUV.

And what did this woman look like?

She was a tall, thin African -American.

What's wrong with you, Ruby?

Why do you lie to your reporter?

She was not African -American.

She was a young woman, our age, Caucasian and blonde.

No, she wasn't. I'm not stupid, Drew.

Oh, you're gonna pull the race card and lie?

Fuck, random pussy.

It looks like we are having some technical difficulties.

Are you sure you want me to leave you here?

Yes, I'm sure. I'm meeting up with somebody.

This is Los Angeles. There's a lot of bad, demented people out here.

I am bad, demented people.

Hey, I got here as fast as I could. Hey.

What's up?

I'm in a lot of trouble, Trevor.

Come on, what?

Come on, whatever you're going through, you're not going through it alone.

All right? I love you.

I love you too, Trevor.

But do you trust me?

Are you kidding? Of course I do.

I have to leave Los Angeles, and I need you to trust me, but I'll be back.

Okay. We'll leave Los Angeles together. We'll go to France.

Or Japan.

I'll take you wherever you want to go.

What about your job at Intermobile?

I don't even need that job.

I got that job to appease my father.

I inherited a lot of money from my grandfather when he passed away.

Well, aren't we both full of surprises?

Yeah.

Look, why don't we just leave, go back to my place, I'll grab a few things,

we'll go back to your place, grab a couple things, and we'll just go.

I can't go to my place.

Well, then we'll just go to my place, and then we'll leave.

Well, I have to do a few things first, and then I'll come back and meet you at

your place.

All right, what time?

I'll come back and meet you at your place at 4 p .m.

Okay.

So, um, I have to ask, why are there so many pictures of you everywhere?

This is Bobby Mays Bed and Breakfast.

I'm Bobby May.

Oh, okay.

So this can't be, like, a legal, like, bed and breakfast then, right? I mean,

you look so, like, lived in. My dad bought this space for me.

I'm just living at my girlfriend's place.

I rent this place out nightly to pay rent for tuition fees. Under the table.

know.

Hey.

Um, all right, well, all I need is your ID and credit card.

Oh, um, my wallet got stolen the other day. Uh, is there any way we could pay

with cash?

That would be a problem.

Um, well, can we make an exception to this one?

Um, sure. It's fine. It's $50.

Okay, cool. Um, here's $100.

Keep the change.

Thanks.

All right, well, here's your key.

Um, bathroom is around the door, on the corner.

Um, just leave the keys on the table.

Lock the door before you leave.

Checkout is at 12 noon tomorrow.

And, uh, oh.

Here's your breakfast.

Thanks.

And here I thought I was going to have to eat cockroaches.

Just enjoy your stay at Bobby Made.

What's up?

Oh, um, the sky, taxes.

Yeah? Yeah.

What's that mean?

It was a joke, really.

As in the sky's above us and taxes are coming up soon.

Why are we talking about the sky and taxes?

Um, it was a joke. You asked what was up.

Oh, so you got jokes, huh? Yeah, I am full of them.

So why are you all out here by yourself?

I can protect myself. I'm a big girl.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. You a blonde baddie? Big blonde baddie? You think you could take care of

me? Yeah.

Protect me? I don't know about protecting you, but I could take care of

Okay, that's enough.

All right, let's cut the shit. How much?

Well, what's your name?

Harlan. Well, I don't know. Cut the shit. Card's on the table. I just want

have fun for one night.

For how much?

Nothing.

Nothing? Yeah, nothing.

Hold on. Drink first.

No, I don't really drink. No?

Are you a cop?

No, I'm not a cop. I said no money. Does that make sense if I was a cop?

So you just want to have fun?

Yeah, I just want to have fun with a real man for one night.

So you want a real man?

Yes, I do.

I actually have a bed and breakfast up the street.

What are we doing here? Let's go.

Let's go.

Open your mouth. What?

Open your fucking mouth.

No.

Shut the fuck up.

What are you, fucking deaf?

Hey! I said are you fucking deaf?

I told you just to take the drink.

The stuff they put on the internet these days. Look at her face, though. Look at

her face. Oh, no.

Oh, my God.

Hey, go ahead and play it again. Just go ahead and play it again.

The race card and lie?

Fuck right in the pussy.

No kidding, man. We got to show Ro, dude. He would love to see this.

I'm going to give him a call.

Yeah, give him a call, man.

You know what he's going to say whenever you call him.

Is it feasible to call out my name instead of call me, bro? I mean, every

man.

You got a cub down here. For the last time, isn't it feasible for you to...

him, man.

Yeah, Roe.

Roe.

Yeah, we got to get a check on him, man. Come on.

Roe, is that you, man?

Roe.

Hey, man, I got to get out of here. Nah. Come on, man. Come on,

man. Just come on.

Bro.

Bro, it's not funny, dude.

You good up here, man?

Come on, dude. We got this.

Come on, bro. Quit playing around.

It's not funny no more.

Oh, shit.

What the heck, man? Is he all right?

Bro.

Dude.

He's not breathing.

I think he's dead.

It's that psycho bitch!

Morning. Hi. I would like to report a murder.

Miss James? If you go to Bella May's Bed and Breakfast, room 4.

If you go on the freeway, 134, take exit Zoo Drive.

You'll go about a half a mile north.

You'll take the first trail, and there you will find a picnic basket, a

and two dead bodies.

Great. Where are you, Miss James?

I can still help you.

never hear from me or see me again.

Oh, hey, let me grab that bag for you. I got it. Yeah.

Take this.