Original subtitles

Lady Godiva was a freedom rider.

She didn't care if the whole world looked.

Joan of Arc was the lord to guide her. She was a sister who really could.

Isadora was the first bra burner.

Ain't you glad she showed up?

Oh, yeah.

The country was falling apart.

Betsy Ross got it all sewed up.

And then there's more.

No, no, no.

Pack up all my care and woe.

Here I go singing low.

Bye -bye, bluebird.

Any news from Mr. Finley? Oh, not yet. But I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Victoria, this could be a really big day for him. Oh, I'll keep my fingers

crossed, too.

Anything to add to the grocery list? I'm going shopping. No, I don't think so,

dear. I'll see you later.

Bye -bye.

white bird.

I knew if God didn't get me, you would.

Walter? Oh.

Oh, uh, Mr.

Gorman, uh, I was expecting some important news for my husband.

Oh, you have some important news for me, too?

About the new shopping center?

Well, please, go ahead. Tell me all about it.

Uh -huh. Here's that recipe for duckling a la orange. Uh -huh.

You know, in English, that means orange duck. Right. Because the sauce is made

from oranges.

Uh -huh. You know, it's very rich because duck is all dark meat. Ah.

I think they ought to cross a chicken with a duck.

You know, so there could be some white meat. Yeah.

They could call it a dickin'. Uh -huh.

Or a chuck.

Oh.

I'll bet a little chuck would be just cute as a dick.

Just a moment, Mr. Dickens.

Mr., uh... Vivian, can't you see I am on the phone?

Oh, oh, I thought... It's my boss giving me some new details about that shopping

center that I organized. Forgive me for rambling on like that. Yeah, you were

saying, Mr. Gorman.

I don't know what comes over me sometimes.

I don't know whether I'm being thoughtless or whether I'm just plain

Uh -huh.

Golly, I hope I'm just thoughtless, because I really hate to think of

I'm sorry.

Oh, Mr.

Gorman, I can't take all the credit for this shopping center. I... Oh, I can't.

Oh, I can't.

Super salesman. Moi?

Oh, Mr.

Gorman, you're making a girl blush.

No, I have a friend here who could tell you I'm actually blushing. She looks

just like an orange duck.

But, Mr.

Gorman, no, I cannot take all the credit. Let's just, let's say it was a

effort. Yeah, thank you. Bye -bye.

I'm sorry.

Oh, that's all right. Honey, this is really turning out to be a banner day.

the Findlay. You know, I was expecting Walter to call me with some very

important news.

Instead, it was my boss, Mr. Gorman. Do you know that we rented the very last

shop in that mall just today?

Ah, gee.

Oh, Vivian, it is so gratifying. Oh, yeah. Well, especially when you think

six months ago that was all just a bunch of abandoned storefronts facing old

dirty streets. That's right.

Oh, darn it. Why doesn't Walter call? And what news are you expecting from

What news?

The Tuckahoe League of Commerce Annual Businessman of the Year Award. Oh, yes,

the nominating committee meets today. I should know. Arthur's a member.

That's right, and Walter stands a very good chance of being nominated. You

that means that he could win the Tuckahoe Businessman of the Year trophy

third year in a row.

Vivian, that's unprecedented.

Just think, Walter, could...

Get his third tucky.

Hey, you know, that's not a bad idea.

I don't understand.

Ah, a tucky. You could cross a turkey with a duck.

What? Just kidding.

Ward.

Walter.

Ward. Walter.

Ward. Walter.

Ward. Walter.

Reading. Arthur just gives me a punch on the arm.

You got the nomination.

I sure did. Oh, Walter, this is so exciting. Who are you up again? I don't

yet. Arthur slipped out and phoned me as soon as I was nominated, and he said

there's only one other nominee, but he doesn't know who it is yet. Oh, I can't

wait for that banquet Saturday night. Three tuckies.

Walter, you know why this is so important?

If a man wins three tuckies in a row, they name a street after him.

That's right.

They're going to name a prominent street after me.

Do you realize what an honor this is?

The last time a guy got three tuggies in a row was back in 1952.

Walter, we have a prominent street named after a businessman?

Sure, Maude.

Who won in 1952?

J .P.

Elm.

Ah.

His own Elm Lumber and Supply.

Vivian, please go and find a part of his home. I gotta know who the other

nominee is.

Vivian, hurry!

Oh, but wait a minute. What if Arthur took a sacred oath and swore on the

not to tell anybody?

What if he did?

Try.

Honey, what's that?

The city map.

They've already picked out the location.

What? You see the street that runs along here?

The dead end leading to the dump?

That's going to be Walter Findley Drive.

Oh, Walter, I'm so proud of you, I could cry.

Oh, I'm so proud too, Mort.

Maybe it's because I never had any children.

I don't understand.

Well, Mort, that's my one bid for immortality. See, right now I have

carry on the Findley name.

Oh, Walter, six pieces of luggage is hardly nothing.

I've got to win, Maud. I've just got to. Oh, Walter, of course you'll win.

Who could they possibly nominate who's done more for this town than you have?

And remember, Walter, that it was Walter Findlay who single -handedly got the

city to buy those three -wheeled bicycles for those lovely old people up

Mapleton home for the aged.

Maud, that could be a strike against me.

Walter, don't be silly.

You had no way of knowing how slippery Dead Man's Hill was going to be.

I guess you're right.

It's the thought that counts. Of course I'm right.

Oh, Walter, I'm so proud of you.

And I'm a little jealous, too.

Jealous? That's right.

I envy you with all your big league business maneuverings.

I had a little taste of that when I was working on the old town mall project.

Hey, Walter!

Congratulations!

Awesome. Who's the other nominee?

So you want to know who you're up against, huh? Please tell me! I've got

know! We're dying of curiosity.

All right.

Let me give you a hint.

Who?

Who is the last person in Tuckahoe that you would expect to get a business

award?

You, Arthur? I'm up against you?

No, worse than me.

Then who?

You!

Me?

What?

They expect me to run against my own wife of businessman of the year?

Arthur, that's ridiculous.

Maud wants me to win.

Now, obviously, Maud will have to withdraw from the contest. Arthur, what

those guys on the committee have been thinking? Give me a cup of coffee. I'll

tell you what happened.

Maud will have to withdraw.

Listen, all of us met in this room.

Maud Findlay Bullified.

Maud Findlay Boulevard. You hit the nail right on the head, Walter.

The only sensible answer is for Maud to withdraw. Sure.

Maud, you'll have to withdraw.

But it's still an honor.

Remember, she was the only woman ever to be nominated.

Of course.

Listen, I think Maud deserves a big hand for the work she did on the Old Town

Mall. Arthur, let's give Maud a hand.

Right on.

wife should be silly enough to compete against her own husband.

I mean, that's grounds for divorce.

Or worse.

But Arthur, all kidding aside, and seriously, scouts on it.

Normally, I'm in favor of equal rights for women.

But this businessman of the year award is different.

It's important.

Walter.

Yes, Maude?

Walter, do you still keep your gun downstairs in the kitchen?

A gun?

Maude, I hope you're not going to be silly enough to get upset about this.

is the toolbox with the gun in it still just underneath the workbench?

No, Maude. Hey, hey, if you're going to get a gun, I'm going.

Now, just remember, you two are still husband and wife. My advice is shake

and... Say to each other, may the best man win. Give me the key to the toolbox.

I'm going.

Come on, Maud.

It's no big deal.

I know you're flattered, but do you really think you deserve the award more

me? Why don't we just let the award jury decide that?

Look, Walter.

I know this is important to you, but why can't it be important to me, too? I

mean, Walter, I did a marvelous job with that old town mall.

Oh, a lot of people were involved with that project.

Yes, but, Walter, I was the one who insisted that we preserve the flavor of

those historical old buildings. You know, that we rented the last shop just

today. Walter, it was because of me that that mall is like taking a walk back

into the 19th century.

Like the 19th century?

Star Wars beef dip shack?

What about that western store, Cohen's Cowboy Corral?

Don't you laugh at me, Walter. Don't you dare laugh at me.

Walter just told me that you and Walter are fighting with each other.

Walter thinks I'm not important enough to get the turkey. He's in there

at me. Mug.

You cannot let your competition for this award destroy your marriage. Do you

expect me to withdraw?

No, no. Now sit down here. Sit down a minute. I want to talk to you.

Listen, Maude, do you remember when you and I were in college together way back

there in 1946?

Yes. We were pretty competitive with each other, wouldn't you say?

Yeah, I guess we were. You're right.

Maude, there was something you did to me once in college.

All in the ugly spirit of competition that just about broke my heart. But I

understood. I didn't let it destroy the love we felt for each other.

I think you know what I'm referring to.

Of course I do.

I've been guilty for years.

Oh, well, I should hope so.

Vivian, I don't know what got into me.

I knew you had your heart dead on going up to Dartmouth for the winter carnival,

but when Jerry Masterson called to invite you, I lied.

I said you were sick and you couldn't go.

I was selfish, Vivian. I wanted you to... I wanted you to stay

on campus and help me study for our French exam.

Jerry Masterson invited me to the winter carnival?

Well,

isn't that what you were referring to?

The terrible thing that I did to you?

No, I never knew he invited me.

Oh.

Oh, oh, oh. Well, then, I know what you're referring to.

Has to do with that French exam that I just mentioned.

Vivian, what could I do?

When Miss Devereaux asked me why we both had exactly the same answers, I

couldn't lie. I had to tell her that you let me copy from your paper.

So what if we both got Fs, Vivian? That was a long time ago.

You mean I got an F on that French exam because you squealed on me?

Vivian, you knew that.

I never knew that at all.

Oh.

Oh, then I know what you mean. There was only one other terrible thing that I

ever did, and Vivian, I am so sorry.

I mean, I knew you were... pinned to Jerry Masterson. I knew you were in love

with him.

When he called and I told him that you were too sick to go to the Winter

Carnival, well, I will never, ever understand why I accepted his invitation

go in your place.

You went to the Winter Carnival with Jerry Masterson?

Come on, Viv, you knew all about that.

No.

Oh.

Well, I'll tell you the truth, Viv, it was no big deal.

I mean, we went ice skating, we had a few beers, and then we lay on our backs

and made angels.

You and... Jerry Masterson made angels in the snow?

Actually, it was on the carpet in his room.

Vivian!

Vivian!

What's wrong with Vivian?

I think she's having a delayed reaction.

The winter of 46.

You know, Walter, Vivian just made a very interesting point about the

destructiveness of competition, Walter, right before she went to pieces. And

she's right, Walter. We can't let this silly award eat away at our marriage.

Why not?

They're going to name a street after me.

And I'm going to drive a team of well -fed horses down that street.

That street could be the biggest honor of my life. You have thousands of

That den in there is a shrine to you, Walter. Your tuckies, your track

your boxing trophies. Walter, I am a sensitive, feeling woman.

Don't you think I would like a room for my boxing trophies?

If you beat me out for that award, I'll be a laughingstock. Who says?

Who says, who says that the man has to win and the woman always has to lose?

That's just the way the world is.

Not anymore.

What have you done to Vivian?

She came home sobbing hysterically. What have you done to her?

All right, Arthur, I might as well confess.

We tied her to a chair and I worked her over with a rubber hook.

Arthur, we were having a little discussion and Vivian became upset. Yes,

know what caused it. More bickering about this businessman of the year

You know, Marty, you're not exactly up for the Nobel Peace Prize.

It is important to me, Arthur. Sure, but don't get carried away by it.

I mean, the only reason you were nominated is because the guys figured

with all this woman's rights junk going around that they would get some

publicity if they nominated a woman for the award this year.

That's all.

You mean they don't think I deserve it?

You mean I'm... I'm just a token?

Well... Yes, Marty.

I'm afraid that's the way it is.

I assumed you'd figure that out.

And yet, the committee voted for you. Eight to one.

Well, I gotta get back to Vivian.

Well, I don't want that award if it's tokenism. It's worthless. It's

I'm with you. That's the reason I was the only one who voted against you. I'll

see you.

Well, I'm so sorry. It's so unfair.

Obviously, I'll withdraw now.

No more. I don't want you to withdraw.

Look, ten minutes ago, I thought that trophy was the greatest thing in the

world, but right now I wouldn't accept that lousy award if they begged me to

take it.

I mean, they're not going to make a token out of my wife and think they can

away with it.

Honey, what can we do?

We can turn it down.

That's what we can do.

Turn down the tucky? That's right.

Whoever wins will get up and tell them exactly what we think of their dumb

trophy.

Walter, that is a marvelous idea. Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's make this a

real statement on behalf of equal rights for everyone.

Oh, Walter, are you sure?

I mean, what about your street?

Walter Findlay Drive.

Your bid for immortality?

Ah, what kind of immortality is it when someone says,

Turn left off Main and take Walter Findley to the dump.

And now, and now let's salute some of the people who have made

tonight's program possible.

For those wonderful cashews that we all enjoyed before dinner, we want to thank

Clyde's House of Nuts, 964 Main Street.

The flower arrangement just couldn't have been better. Walter, I'm so proud

him. I mean, turning down like an important award.

Many thanks to the palace for the fine pie.

You know what it says about us, Walter?

It says that we are perfectly matched.

We both want the same thing.

What, can I have you a banana cream pie?

Oh, Walter,

you had yours. This is mine.

You see, I'm right. We both want the same thing.

Come on, Walter. You don't want it. You know I love banana cream pie.

Honey, I may want it later.

Oh, Walter,

come on. They're getting ready to announce the award. We'd like to say

you, one and all.

And now, let's get to the main event of tonight's program, the annual

Businessman of the Year Award.

We are proud to say that Tuckahoe is for equal rights.

That's right.

And one of the nominees of tonight's award is a woman, Maude Finley, who

out with the Old Town Mall.

And, of course, the other nominee is none other than Walter Finley of

Friendly Appliances.

That's Maude's husband.

And as I'm sure you all know, Walter has won the tucky twice in a row. He is

poised on the brink of his third victory.

And now, without further ado, let's find out who the lucky winner is.

Here we are.

By golly, it's Walter Finley.

Come on up here, Walter.

John, I love you so for what you're about to do.

You're so brave. Thanks.

I'm jealous.

I want you all to understand that I know this is meant as a great honor.

I mean, it's my third tucky.

It's the third year in a row that you've singled me out.

My peers have singled me out as the best among them.

But this year, there's something different.

That's right. This year, we're going to name a street after you.

Oh, yeah, that's right, the street.

Well, I admit I've dreamed about having that street named after me.

It's something I've wanted very much.

I mean, a street would make my name live on.

It would mean that after I'm gone, little children would say, hey, let's go

play ball over on Walter Findley Drive.

Young lovers would say, the first time I kissed her was under the sycamore tree

on Walter Findley Drive.

Old folks would say, gee, it's a nice night for a stroll on Walter

Findley Drive.

Walter Findley Drive.

up to this great honor.

Lord, I know what you're going to say. No, you don't, sweetheart.

I've made a decision. I really don't want to cry.

You can have her.

VOD was recorded on videotape before a studio audience.